"V The Wooing O't. Buch brave, handsome f ce bad tbe laddie, I wpn The lassie was sweeter than peaches ana cream. And the mooting- took place here, just over --"And this iris tfcelr courtship on Valentine daj-. HPloase rv me your hand, gentle Annie, he Bald, With a smile on hts Hps, and his face Try red. While straightway yoa walk without danger or fear. And your blue eyes will never be wet by a tear." "Here It Is," she said blushing and merrily la ugh top. 'Tbongh I'm sure I can't see what you mean by such hafnng. Step with care and remember the plunk's very weak. The distance a trifle, still water runs deep." Then he laughs, while a gleam In his blue eye is chining, 'You're a witch to be sure all my wishes de- flninjr." Then he kissed the red lips so tremulous and sweet. And St. Valentine's woolngr Is full and com plete. N". 8. Cox. In Galveston News. A TR A fJFXl Y Oh KR KOK.S It was after Mrs. Jeffries, stilt a young and pretty woumn, was dressed for dinner, and sitting at the window with her embroidery, that she saw a messenger boy crawl up the street, stop to throw a stone at another boy, and finally rung her door bell. A moment after this Bella, the "up stairs girl," brongbt her a note. It was from her friend, Ed w inn Jones, familiarly Ned. who had come from afar to pay her a visit, and being tim orous, had-decided to watt at the "depot until she came to meet her. There was do time to lose. Airs. Jeffries gave a few directions to her cook, and hurried away. Half an hour after she had gone Mr. Jeffries returned home and let himself In with his latch key, wondering that his wife did not come to meet him. Mr. Jeffries had been a very jealous man before he married. He confessed it. He would not permit any one to pay the least attention to his Emma Jane. Even cousins of the first degree made him suffer pangs of srief un known when they called of Sunday afternoons, and an uncle, who was unusually young for that relationship, while as yet unknown, had driven him to the most serious thoughts of suicide, for Emma Jane had kissed him in the front hall. -Do you really think, Jefferson Jef fries, that I can endure such conduct?" his Emma Jane had remarked. "Is it possible that any one can put up with being followed around like that, and stared at like that? Do you think I will?" and then she had given him back his ring, and he had ground it under foot. However, he bought her another in a month or so. and they made it up and married; and Mr. Jeffries, warned by the past, had behaved himself very well, indeed, and he bad never yet been jealous of his wife, when one afternoon in August he came home eartv to dinner aud found her "gone out." "Bella, did she sny where she was going?'1 asked Mr. Jeffries. "No, sir," said Bella. "She gave out the things for dessert and went out ; in a hurry Toike, in her best things, ! just after she got ft note toike. brought by a boy dressed like a tallygmph." "Ah!" said Mr. Jeffries. I trust her mother is not ill. It really seems as though so met hi ug must have hap- ; pened1 He went upstairs when he had said this, and looked about him for the message, which, doubtless, she bad left lying somewhere. He could see none. He opened the drawer in which Emma Jane kept her trifles of lace and ribbon and quilled mosiio, and still saw nothing. But. glancing into the waste paper basket, he discovered a twisted paper, and, as it was the last of the little heap, picked it ont and un folded it.- Spreading out the wrinkles, be put bis glasses on his nose and read. And as he read his cheek grew pale, for these were the words: - Tkarest Ejoea J asm Meet me on the Hew Tork side of Twenty-tMrd street ferry. I long to eee you after our long- parting'. Yours very, very fondly. Nsn. "Ned!" ejaculated Mr. Jeffries; "Ned!" He ground his teeth and clenched his fists. He could have nowiea wiin ratre. out iwr iue uiuuu- ettes which we ereneraiiv ooserve in our -greatest agonies, lhis was tiie end of it all then; Emma Jane had gone to meet her old bean. Old or new, who-eould tell? A lover, any how. He tried to be calm; but he could not believe himself mistaken. He knew her brothers and cousins well. They were Peter, Paul. Wil liam. Elias, Samuel and James. Even her father, who would not have signed his first name, was Adoniram. There was no way out of it. "No end" but one." thought Mr. Jef fries, as he sought for the pistol gener ally kept on hand for possible burglars. "I must follow them, find them, shoot him first her next and myself last. No one shall know why; but the trait ress will know as she dies!" He put the pistol in his pocket, crowded' his hat over his eyes and rushed out of the door. A Twenty third street car was passing; be jump ed into it and retired into a corner, folding his arms. "Fare!" cried the driver. Mr. Jef fries mechanically deposited some thing in the box and sank into his seat and a black study again. A vol ley of shocking reproaches from the driver aroused him. He found the passengers glaring at him. Tve had this trick played on me before," cried the driver through the door. 'You're a nice one, ainTtfyou, at your age, to put a coat button into the box?" Mr. Jeffries received the remark without an answer, and repaired his error by putting a quarter into the same aperture into which he had drop ped the button. "My belief is you are crazy," re marked the driver. "Aeh. yes!" responded an old He brew lady, shaking her head. Mr. Jeffries ouly groaned. What was silver to him? He rode, the ob ject of much comment. Shortly after a friend entered the ar. He was a man of jovial disposi tion, and, as he said, fond of his joke. After nodding and smiling in vain, he bethought himself to poke Mr. Jef fries in the ribs with the immense knob of the handle of his umbrella. Taking the passengers into his confi dence by a knowing wink, he stole forward and perpetrated his joke. The "punch" was a hard one; the result an explosion. If any one bad tried to tire the pistol in that manner he would hava failed. Accidentally Mr. Joblings had done it. Mr. Jeffries gave a groan, started up and fell forward on his face, blood trickling over his stocking. The car was stopped, and policemen carried Mr. Jeffries into a drug store. The penitent Joblings was in custody, hav ing voluntarily delivered himself over to justice. The wound was not per haps a dangerous ie, but Jeffries re mained unconscious. Joblings accom panied him to his home in a cab, and having told the tale in a court of jus tice, was permitted to go free on bis "own bail. And just as Jefferson Jef fries opened his eyes his Emma Jane arrived at ber door in a cab. with a trunk fastened on behind marked E. J.," and a young lady within in a 4ira colored cloth traveling suit. '- - ' Mv dear, dear Jeffy hurt!" cried the poor wife, as Bella told the tale. "Oh, let me go to him!" Away she rushed up the stairs to the bedroom above and bent over her hus band's pillow. "Jeffy, dear!" she sobbed; but. to her consternation. Jeffersou opened his eyes, looked at her, and said: "Leave me, woman!" It isn't a woman. It is your own Emmy," sighed Mrs. Jeffries "Take her away!" said Jefferson. "Is he delirious, doctor?" asked poor Emma Jane, trembling. "No, madam." replied that gentle man gravely. "Then what does this mean?11 asked the poor woman. "Madam," said the doctor, the most solemn of his profession, which is say ing much, "mad jim. I have no desire to pry into your domestic difficulties." "My domestic difficulties? I never had any. Oh, dear, dear Jeffy. speak to your Emmy," sobbed Mrs. Jeffries. But her Jefferson only replied by saying in deep chest notes: Crocodile! Take her away. The sight of her is madness. Wilt no one rid me of her presence?" "Oh. Mr. Joblings, tell me what he means!" "Beg pardon, madam. I must re- ; 3uest you to retire," auswered Mr. oblings, .all his nature apparently turned to gall. "You alone know the meaning of those awful words." Poor Emma Jane. She rushed down stairs when the door of her own room had actually been closed upon her, and told her incoherent story to her friend. "I've seen him jealous before," she said, "but not like this. . What can it meanF' "What did jou doP Whom is he jealous of?" asked the other woman. "Oh, Ned, I don't know," sobbed Emma Jane. And Edwina Jones concluded very naturally that Emma had been flirting terribly with several individuals. Thus, wrouged by all, even her firlhood's friend. Mi's. Jeffries aban oned herself to despair. A bullet in the calf seldom kills, and as it was extracted promptlv, the wonnd healed and Jefferson Jeffries began to recover, bnt he still refused to see his wife; and on the first day of his convalescence he summoned his lawyer and sent him to Emma Jane empowered to effect a separation. "This letter is my reason," he said, with a dreadful groan, thrusting the crumpled note into his hand. "I was ; on my way to shoot the fellow when Joblings managed to shoot me. She shall keep the house if she likes, but I never wish to see her again." With this message the lawyer sought the unhappy lady, and in the presence of Edwina Jones interviewed her. "One comfort at least I shall get from this," said Mrs. Jeffries, with dignity. "I shall know my crime." "Mr. Jeffries opines that this will explain," said the lawyer, presenting ber with the crumpled letter, which with its signature suggested very dreadful things indeed. Emma Jaue took it in her hand, looked at it. and then banded it to her friend. "My letter!" cried Edwina. dumb founded. The puzzled lawyer elevated his eye brows. "I am called Ned' at home." said Miss J ones. "Surely M r. Jeffries knew that. Ob, Emma Jane, how I have wronged you in my heart." Explanations followed. The lawyer.choking down his laugh ter, returned to Mr. Jeffries' apart ment and gave them to that gentleman with dramatic effect. Never had he more trouble in preserving the grave dignity proper to his position, when Jefferson Jeffries, clasping his hands together, ejaculated: "Edwina JonesT Of course X knew. But I forgot her very existence. How I have wronged my wite! Wretch that I am. can she ever forgive me?" "Never!" Emma Jane decided. "Yon have disgraced me Iwfore your friends, before strangers, cast suspicion on me and insulted me by word and deed. I demand a separation." Then she went home to her parents, and Jefferson Jeffries was left alone to reflect on his ridiculous conduct. He was obliged to explain to the doctors, to Jobliugs 10 everybody, and he suf fered agonies of shame. He longed for his Emma, whom he loved more than ever, and he writhed tinder the reproaches of her mother and father and the menaces of her big brothers. When he was able he used to ; alone at midnight and stare up at his wife's window, and by day haunt her steps unseen when she went out walking. At last he followed her to church one Sunday. She was alone in her pew. He entered and sat down beside her. When the hymn was given out he offered her his hymn book. Over it their heads met. Oh, Jefferson, how could j-ou?" she whispered; but that evening she went back home again. She felt that Mr. Jeffries bad had his lessou. and would profit by it for the rest of his existence. Ned says they are the happiest couple she knows. The Happiest Home. If one's home is fair and fine, with soft carpets, rugs, pictures, marbles, china, with gentle service, luxurious living, loving children, gracious wife, should all the blessings that these things give, even if one is the apparent source 01 tnem nunseir. 11 as garnered and secured them by clone effort and self-denial, be kept to one's self alone, like the bone the dog gnaws, and buries till he can come back to it? It is not privacy and seclusion that gives a home its sacred ness. Far from it. It is its happiness, its healthiness, its helpfulness, its capacity to do good, to impart that happiness and healthiness, its power of lifting all the rest of the world into its own atmosphere. Those homes that are open to the homeless are the sacred ones; the homes where there is always a pillow for the weary, always a spare place at the table for the wanderer; the homes whose beauty is shed abroad like the gracious dew from heaven that Portia talked about. There may be many mansions in heaven, bnt he who thinks they are mansions from which every other beavenly habitant is excluded has made a mistake in the place; it would not be heaven then. However we may dispute and declare that a man has a right to be undisturbed in his own house, yet we know in our inner con sciousness that we all regard the man who brings another home to dinner, sure of a cordial greeting for him there; who will not let the stranger find his welcome 4n an inn on a holi day when homes are dearest, who throws open his house to the parish, whose lights are always shining and inviting as you go by his windows, across whose door-step guests are often coming and going, who loves his home so much and finds it so complete that he must have other people to luve it too, and if they have nothing half so choice, then share some brief portion of it with them that man we all know to be a good citizen, a husband honor ing his wife, a Christian in deed what ever he may be in faith, and withal a gentleman. Harper's Bazar. In Grateful Remembrance. There is one gentleman in Newman, Gra., who evidently does not consider marriage a failure. He was married about ten years ago and on each Christ mas morning since he has presented the minister who officiated at the cere mony with a $10 gold niece. WIT AND 1IUM01L Kind words never die; uuklnd words dou't die either. Somerville Journal. A billiard is t uses chalk on his cue. A fine lady uses it on her cuticle. New Orleans Picayune She "You were at college, were yon not?" He "Yes." She "A. B.P" He "No. G. B." Harvard Lampoon. There are three things that beat a drum for noise one is a small boy and the other two are drumsticks. Elmira Gazette, A good many of our so - called swells" young men have nothing about them to merit that title but their heads. St. Joseph News. Help a man out of a hole once and he mav forget you when he is out, but he will not fail to call on you the next time he falls in. Atchison Globe. Victim "Doctor, I'm troubled with cold feet. What do you suppose causes them?" Doctor "Cold weather. One dollar, please!" Buffalo Express. Tenor "Miss Soprano, who sang in church this morning, has a very clear voice. Is it naturalP" Basso "No; His a choired." Harvard Lampoon. 'I thought you told me yonr father was a retired "merchant?" "So he is. When the Sheriff took possession he had to retire." Indianapolis, Journal. De Mascus "Is it true that Jaily is off on a blow out?" St. Agedore "Partly true, ves. He'sdead." "How?" "Blew out the gas." St. Joseph News. Tom "Come what may, I shall never marry a woman who isn't my superior intellectually." Jack "I wish I could get a wife as easy as yon can." Yankee Blade First Yale Man "Harvard has just secured a fossil ten thousand years old." Second Yale Man "Whieh pro fessorship has it been appointed to?" Brooklyn Life. Cochran "I suppose your name on this umbrella indicates that it belongs to you?" Gilroy "Which, the name or the umbrella?" Cochran "The name, of course." Puck. Miss Angy New "Miss Oldun told me that she' was afraid of the dark." Miss Vera Cutting "That's strange. I should think she would be more afraid of the light." Puck. Tommie "Papa, why do they call very rich men millionaires?" Papa 'That refers to the number of poor re latives who rise up to contest their wills!" N. T. Herald. There is only one sudden death among women to every eight amoug men. But then it's only a minority of women who use the telephone constant ly. St. Joseph News. A flying-machine is being exhibited in Chicago. Up to date there has been no sort of use in keeping the "f" stand ing at the beginning of its name. Shoe and Leather Reporter. In Darkest New York: "Why do thev always take a prisoner's money from him before locking him in a cell at the police station?" "So as to pre vent him buying his way out." Puck. "What became of that Samuels girl that Potterby was flirting with last summer?" "You mean the girl that Potterby thought he was flirting with. She married him." Indianapolis Jour nal. "How pleasant that lady looks! She seems perfectly happy." "Yes; she must either have fouud pure religion in her own heart or the seeds of sin in the heart of one of her neighbors." Boston Transcript. Why. you poor malarial mortal, you! I thought you told me your average health was good?" "So-1 did. I run to chills one day and fever ths next. The average is normal." Mun Sty's Weekly. The groundhog is the most knowing weather prophet of the entire crowd. He has sense enough to crawl into his v?le when he predicts an installment of bail weather. The others haveu't. Norristown Herald. A wealthy man was asked not long ago to subscribe to a worihv charity. "I should like to contribute' said he. "but I have $800,000 in the bank not earniue a cent.aud I really can't afford it." Boston Traveller. Young Housekeeper (to butcher) "Yon may seud a nice piece of roast beef." Butcher "Yes. ma'am." Young Housekeeper "And have it very rare, please; my husband prefers it that way." Harper's Bazar. Farmer Peastraw "Well, son, what did you learn at college?"1 Son "I learned to fence, for one thing." Farmer Peastraw "That's good; I'll get some nails tomorrow, and we'll have a bout. Munsey's Weekly. "Is your nephew a practicing physi cian.Mrs. McGuelley?" asked her visit ing neighbor. "Yes, I b'lieve he is practicing just at present, but he has as good a show for learning as the most of them." Washington Post. "Now, we will suppose that one cab driver goes eight miles an hour, and that another one who can go only six miles an hour has three hours the" start of him. Where will they meet?" "At the ale-house." Fltegende Blatter. Stokes "If we could see into the hearts of our best friends I fear we should be shocked at the depravity we saw there." Styles "I don't know. Perhaps we'd feel unhappy to find our friends not so bad as we thought they were." Boston Transcript. "How came it that when you broke iuto the store you carried off a lot of useless trash and left the money-drawer untouched?" "O, Mr. Judge, don't vou begin to scold me for that, I beg. 1 have heard enough about that already from my wife." Fliegende Blatter. Instructor (to class in horology) What are the essential characteristics of a good repeaterP" Mike (first-born of an Alderman) ' Ability to vote every half hour while the polls are open and get out of the State before the ballots are counted.11 Jewelers Weekly. Modern Girl "Father, I long to be independent to rely upon my own ex ertions for support. What trade or profession would you recommend ?" Wise Father "First-class cooks make $5,000 a year." Modern Girl "I don't like cooking. "It's too feuiiuine." N. Y. Weekly. "What did Miss Leftover do when she awoke and found the burglar in ber room scream?" "Not much. She transfixed him with her cold gray eye. pointed to the door, and hissed: 'Leave ine!" "What did the burglar do?" "He explained that he had no notion of tak ing her." Puck. "Y-a-a-s," said Snipely: "I find that I am quite the rage, you know. I have any numbati of demands foh my auto- fraphs." "No doubt," replied Shot ins. "I myself hope to accommodate two gentlemen who have waited some time for my signature to checks." Washington Post. Small Student "Pa, what's a pro verb?" Pa "SoflBething that contains a great deal of truth in a small space. Like 'Barking dogs never bite." Small Student "Is it true that barking dogs never bite?" Pa "Urn! folks regard it as true until brought face to face with a barking dog; then they have their doubts." Good News. Housekeeper Now you've bad your dinner, I suppose- you will rake up those leaves. Hungry Higgins Who? Me? No. indeed. Housekeeper But von said you would. Hungry Higgins But I Ued, madam; 1 lied. Aud I sincerely hope this will be a warning to you not to trust in fickle-hearted man again. Indianapolis Journal. "I gather," said the Boston lady, "from the conversation of my nephew, that firemen are in the habit of using rubber hose at their labors." "Yes." "That, I prestime.is so that they won't fjet their feet wet." "And the" Boston ady returned to ber book with an air of entire satisfaction over having solved a difficult problem." Washington Post. STORIES FOR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN. A Drtimer at the Club CnnJorM Cp 8om Tales of Hardship. He was sitting before a great fire at the club, his eyes half closed, when a friend roi:sed him. "Dreaming, old man?" asked the friend. "Half dreaming, half musing," was the reply as the young fellow stretched himself. "My grandfather has been telling of the hardships of early days, and I was wondering what I'd tell my grandchildren iu that Hue." "Couldn't think of much, could yoit?" "Well, I don't know. Hardship is hardship only by comparison with lux ury. The luxury of one age is the hardship of the next. Now I con jured up a picture of my grandchild sitting on my knee asking me for a story." Several men had gathered around the arm-chair and one askedt "Did you tell a story?" "O. yes," replied the dreamer. I remember I told him that about 1890 I had a brother in New York. One day I received a dispatch that he was dy ing. I took the limited, and for twenty-six hours I was in an agony of doubt, fearful lest he should die before I arrived. I dilated a little on the ter rible suspense, and told how my ap petite seemed to have left me." 'And what did the boy say?" asked one of the party. "The boy? O. he wouldn't believe it at first; wanted to know if it was possible that there was an accident that delayed me. and if there was, why it delayed me so long. He figured it out, too. He said: "Regular time from here to New York, two hours. O, they couldn't have delayed 3-00 twenty-four hours, grandpa.1 "And when I told him that twenty six hours was the regular time he look ed sorry for me and s:iid: "'Poor gra ml pa. You must have bad an awful hard time. And how slow yon were in those days. Ate on a traiu. too! Dear me, I can go from here to San Francisco without getting hungry! Didn't the pneumatic tube work well?",: "And then?" was the query as the dreamer pau-wd. "Then I explained that the pneu matic tube route wasn't in operation at that time, aud drew out a little more sympathy by telling him about an exorbitant gas bill that I had re ceived aud had to pay, because if I didn't the company would cut off the supply. O, but he' was surprised! '"GasP he explained, 'what did yon want of gas?' "I explained that we used to light our houses with gas and the boy couldn't pity me enough; said it must have beeu awful to have to depend on gas for light. "But it was when I told him about goinjjr home one night when the elec tric lights on Clark street went out that his heart bled for me. "You must have had a terrible time, grandpa,1 he said. I wouldn't have lived in those for anything.1 "My boy.1 I said, "we didn't here the comforts then tbat we have now, but those hardships are what made us the hardy race that we are." Then the dreamer asked the crowd to leave him while he figured out an other hard-luck tale for his grandson. Chicago Tribune. A MOON FLOWER. Sensitive to Erarr Chmifa of the Lanar Orb end Very Beantlfal Arnold Brinkworth. who owns per haps the finest private botanical col lection in the country, and whose greenhouses near Mount Sterling. Ky., are tilled with the rarest and most delicate plants of all nations, is ex hibiting with much pride, says the N. T. Journal, a specimen of the fleur de luue, the existence of which has often been doubted, but which was sent Mr. Brinkworth a few months uro by a friend residing near Obydos. Brazil. It was obtained for him from an Indian who found it growing in a swamp in the depths of the Amazonian forests, and is the only specimen which has ever reached this country alive. Those who have been favored with a glimpse of the curiosity say it is a delicate, tenacious vine, covered with small, glossy leaves of a bright and very tender green, climbing to a height of four or five feet, bearing here and there a milk-white blossom of a disk like shape. When the moon is at its first quarter a distinct shadow or strain of a deep yellow, which seems rather in than out of the Oower, and corresponding to the shape of the moon, makes its appear ance on this disk and grows as the ptauet does, nutil. when at its full sixu. the yellow stain covers the entire flower. As the moou begins to wane again this re treats in the same ratio, and dually disappears altogether, to return once more 'as the new moou is seen to come back. When the plauct sets the flower closes and does not unfold until the moon rises on the following night. It pursues this course month after month whether placed in the omjii air or kept iu a hothouse, though under the latter circuuistauces the yellow tint is much paler and tmre undecided, while the whitH surface takes on a dingv, un healthy tinge. The plant subsist al most entirely on air, its roots Iming barely covered with a little moist gravel. What a, Georgia "Cracker" Eats. When money flows in stead ilv the wage-earners buy the best cuts of meat antf are liberal consumers of expensive early vegetables and fruit. The dis pensers of charity for a church, mora trustful than prudent, gave a mill fam ily professing to be in dire need orders on a grocer for a certain amount week ly, and were astounded to find that for the meat and meal indicated the trades m:u vas persuaded to substitute fruit, nuts, and raisins. At every door chil dren squat around a tin plate of syrup, dipping in it big hunks of corn-pone and smearing their yellow faces more widely with each mouthful. The sweet "perlatur" roasted iu the ashes is al ways ready a great advantage where the housewife "bees tired"1 from her birth. In the cracker s kitchen lard is the universal solvent. The tyrant of his home, the key to his habits, the blazon of his civilization, is the frying pan. TA Century. Poultry and Plums. Fruitgrowers who are troubled by depredations of curculio may largely decrease the pests by giving hens and chickens free range of the orchard. A good plan is to place hen coops under plum and cherry trees very early in the spring, and the chicks will take the young beetles as they emerge from the ground before they are able to ascend the trees. Poultry and plums d well together if the young poultry ia batch ad before the bugs begin their work. RETORTS TO LAWYERS. Amailnr Answers of Witnesses When Vm. der Kxnminnthtn In Court It has sometimes happened that a lawyer has. iu the language of the street, "given himself away" to a smart adversary, says CasselVs Saturday Journal. Garrow did this once when examining a witness in the court of Queen's Bench; "Are you a fortune-teller?" he asked. "I am" not," replied the man; "but I can tell yours." The shrewd counsel tripped, and was worsted. - "What is that to be?""said he. "Why, sir," was the sly response, "as you made you first speech at the Old Bailey, so you will make your last there." In like manner.arguing before a jury of judges, an overs mart counsel stopped short in his pleading. He was confi dent of obtaining a successful result, and Lord Newton vexed him by seem ing to be in deep slumber. Addressing the other lords on the bench, he said: "My iortls.it is unnecessary to goon, as Lord Newton Is fast asleep." What was his consternation when an answer came: "Ay. ay.11 cried the angry judge, "you will have proof of tbat by and by." And to the astonishment and chagrin of the young advocate and the intense interest of others, Newton luminously reviewed the vase, and gave a decided judgment against the too sanguine counsel. Even the cleverest lawyers bare been set down" in open court by equally readv witnesses. l)td you see this tree, that has been mentioned, by the roadside?" an ad vocate inquired. 'Yes. sir; I saw It very plainly. "It was conspicuous, then?11 The witness seemed puzzled by the new word. He repeated his former as sertion. Sneered the lawyer: "What is the difference Between plain and conspicuous?" But he was hoist with his own petard. The witoess smoothly and innocently answered: "lean see you plainly, sir. amongst the other lawyers, though you are not a bit conspicuous." In another comical Instance the at tack was directed asrainst the character of the witness. But it recoiled. "You were iu the company of these people?" "Of two friends, sir.1' "Friends! two thieves, I suppose yon ssjyin." 1'hat may be so." was the dry re tort, "they are both lawyers." The blow that destroys the effect of an adverse examination is occasionally more accident than conscious effort. In a trial not long ago a very simple witness was in the box, and, after going through his ordeal, was ready to retire. One question remained. "Now.Mr. .has not an attempt been made to induce you to tell the court a different story?" "A different story to what 1 have told, sir? ' "Yes; is it not so?" "Yes. sir." "Upon your oath. I demand to know who the persons are who have attempt ed this?" "Well, sir, you're tried as hard aa any of 'em,11 was the unexpected an swer. It ended the examination. The Humors of the Boomerang. No one who discharges a boomerang for the first time has the faintest no tion as to where it will land. If let loose to a thoroughfare, it may navi gMle around a corner, and take off the hat of an unsuspecting promenader. It my shoot into a carriage window, and frighten the occupants of the vehi cle out of their senses. It may soar away over the houses and get lost, or skim upon the surface of the pave ment, and entangle itself among the legs of horses. It may climb up a stoop, go through an open door-way, and wander around the interior of a dwelling, breakiug mirrors or destroy ing other valuable property before it gets tired. And if it strikes anybody it may inflict serious hurt, for its rapid whirl gives it an immense force, so that a blow from one f its ends may cause death, even when it is flung without much exertion of strength. I have seen a pig killed in the island of Formosa by a boomerang which ap peared to he very lightly propelled. Worst of all certainly most mortify ing it may come straight back upon the thrower, perhaps follow him with a persistence which seems almost to in dicate a deliberate intention, chase him about, no matter how nimbly he may try to escape, and finally double htm up with a thump in the stomach, and reduce him to a state in which no boomerang could, for the time, be any thing but an object of arersiou to him. not even if it were made of a stick of candy. Out in the country, where broad, unoccupied fields are accessible, ex- !eriments may be undertaken upon a arge scale; but caution is always nec essary at the betrinuing. and when the little curved stick is launched into space it would be wise for all spec tators, and the thrower as well, to choose a protecting tree, and stand be hind it, lest the missile perform its favorite exploit, aud nl urn to the point of departure, iiit-imuing every living being in the vicinity. It is quite capable of skipping round a tree, but an alert 3-ouugstvr ought to be able to dodge, aud keep himself out of harm's way. Cows might be put to incon venience, aud sheep would probably see no fun iu the sport; but nobody could expect a eow or a sheup to ap preciate the humor of a boomerang, in any case, the earliest attempts should be with instruments of modeiv ate dimensions, from which severe bruises need not be apprehended. E. H. House, in Harper's 1 oung People. The Immortal Lincoln. One of the most noteworthy features of current literature is found in the at tention being paid to Abraham Lin coin. There has beeu a revival of i terest iu the life of the great statesm and never before have the eulog been so sincere, so keenly percepti or so unanimous. Doubtless the 1 cent publication of the Lincoln bi. graphy has had something to do with this', but the discussion is by no means confined to one section. The Bun of New York calls attention to the fact that even the Scotsman, the leadr conservative paper in Scotland h given Lincoln au elaborate eulo" calling him a man of immense i dividuality, high virtue and great i tellectual force;" aud, "at once stat man and general," standing head and shoulders above all the other great men of his time." And the Scotsman but echoes the expressions from all quarters when it adds: "The splendor of his fame is abiding and the whole world has borne testimony to it.1' Chicago News. Glued with Onion J aloe. Paper may be securely gnmmed to metal by the aid of onion juice. The dials of cheap clocks used to be printed on paper aud then glued to a zinc foundation, but after a short time the paper came off the metal. Now the sine is dipped into a strong solution of washing soda, and afterward is washed over with onion juice. The paper is then pasted 00, aud it is almost im possible 10 separate it irom uie metal. GENERAL SHERMAN. As a Writer and gpeaker Ha Was Always intensely IntrMtlof. General Sherman was a manv-sided man. He had run the entire gamut of human experience. He hed been mer chant, banker, lawyer, professor, street railroad president, traveller, author, orator, and soldier. Wherever he w placed, his own individuality was cc spicuous and pronounced. He ne r failed to be intensely entertaining. E 9 methods were always original, aj I even when unsuccessful they were 1 terest ing. He could not have been commonplace if he bad tried. His writings were as graphic as Csesar's Commentaries. There was in his composition an elegance of diction seldom fonnd except in the works of professional authors. He has con tributed some of the finest specimens of rhetoric to be found in modern books. In his description of the de parture bf the troops from Atlanta given in his memoirs, his style rise to the sublime. His letters are all models In their way. Nothing could exceed in grace and touching pathos the reply he wrote to the officers of his own regiment up on the death of his son: "The child that bore my name, an? In whose future I reposed with iuoi confidence than in my own plans 1 f lifeT now floats a mere corpse, seek to u grave in a distant land, with a weep ing inouier. o rot her. ana sisters clus tered about him. . . .But mv poor Willy was, or thought he was! a Ser geant of the Thirteenth. I have seen uis eye brighten aud his heart beat as he beheld the battalion under arms. and asked me if they were not real sol diers. Child as he was, he had the enthusiasm, the pure love of troth, honor, and love of country, whieh should animate all soldiers. God onlv knows why he should die so young." As a speaker the same qualities of style may be observed iu his more se rious efforts. For instance, his refer ence to tha flag in an address made at a banquet to the veterans: The prayer that every soldier ought to breathe U that yonder flag should be above him in life, around him in death. What is that flag? A bit of bunting, a bauble, a toy. You can buy it for a few shillings" in the nearest store. But once raise it as your stand ard, and millions will follow it and d under it, and a whole nation of p t riots will rise up in its defence, ar you wilt find behind it all the po v that can be wielded by the reub te After having listened to nearly all ui General Sherman's speeches during the last six years, have no hesitation in ranking him second to no one as an after-dinner speaker. While the pres tige of his illustrious name intensified the interest felt in what he said, yet I believe that if he had appeared at any banqnet unheralded and unknown, and delivered one of his characteristic ad dresses, it would have been conceded that his speech was the hit of the even ing. He had the art of beginuing with some epigrammatic sentence or hu morous allusiou to some current topic spoken in a way which at once secured the attention of the audience. He mingled wit and pathos in a happy blending which appealed to alt minds and touched all hearts. As eloquence is only another name for earnestness, his serious utterances had all the pow er of the finest oratory. He leaned forward, gesticulated forcibly with his long right arm. looked his he-trers full in the eyes, and seemed to be speaking into the particular ears of each in vidua! before him. As a talker he 1 served to be ranked among the gre converters of history, and, u nli niauy gifted conversationalists, he p aessed the rure faculty of being a go -. listener. Even iu the midst of one 01 his most animated recitals, if some one interrupted him to add a remark, he would stop, look at him good-naturedly, aud noil approval. His lips, too. would often move in unison with the s 1 leakers, as if "marking time" to the music of his words. Get. Horace Port er, in Hnrp r'a Weekly. Story of Ie Brasaa. "No one who has ever seen De Braa sa on his travels." said Stocklemann, to a correspodent of Goldthwaite's Geographical Magazine, conld fail to recognize that he was born to be an explorer. I shall never forget the time I met him farnp the Rwilu River. One day I came to a tribe that seldom saw white men. They were not very hospitable, but finally decided to sell me food. I got on "rather friendly terms with them, and they allowed me to camp in the village. Suddenly I observed a commotion among the na tives. A few carriers emerged from the forest, ami. with them was a slender, sad-faced, poorly clad white man. He was the governor of the French Congo, and he was off on one of his long tramps. De Brazxa ap proached the natives and asked them for food. '"No.1 they said gruffly, you can't get any food here. We have one white man here already. Yon had better go on your way.1 "The explorer said nothing. He simply ordered his carriers to lay down their loads in the middle of the village. Then one of his men unpack ed the astronomical and other in struments, and the explorer set about making observations for position and altitude. The strangest sight the na tives ever saw was this white man studying his instruments and figuring away on a bit of paper. They con cluded that be was not a person to be trifled with, and that his theodolite was a powerful fetich. Soon a crowd gathered around, but the explorer frightened them away by his gruff manner and impatient gestures. "Get away from ine. Clear oat! Don't you see I'm busy? Let me alonef he said. "At length he finished his work. Some natives had been cooking their evening meal near by. Their meat and vegetables which had been boiling in a pot were ready, and the group gathered around and" twgan to eat. De Brazza arose, took a tin plate and large spoon, quietly walked np to the pot, helped himself lilwrally without say ing a word to anybody, sat down by a tree and regnled himself with native cookery. He know just what effect his actions had produced upon the na tive miud and just what to do. Then he told the villagers his men were hun gry and must be fed. The natives ave them all they could eat. for who are oppose a great medicine man who carried such a remarkable fetich a a theodolite? De Brazza slept in the village that night and next morning he paid the natives well for what they had giveu him and took his depart ure." Typewriter Tor the Blind. A young woman teacher of the blind in Austin, Tex., has invented a type writer for the use of those deprived of sight. The new invention is said to be a great improvement over any writing machine for the blind now in ne, in that only one hand is necessary for its operation, leaving the other free to do the reading. A woman who figured as a pauper men receiuiv in 0:1 n rruuuiscu, leaving $6,192. which she had accumulated by begging. Three benevolent societies that had befriended her to the amount ot $840, $895. and $905 respectively have begun suits to recover the sums. named from her estate. A PET 'CATOR'S MISHAP. Be Geta Lost far Six Alontlm In , Pip. Some six months ago a prominent citizen of Ocala liethought to himself that he wanted a small alligator to keep as a curiosity and to show to some friends of his whom he exected from the north this winter, says a letter from Ocala. Fin., to the SL Louis Globe-Democrat. In a few days he hail an opportunity to gratify his wish at a very moderate price, and taking up the crate in which "Enoch" was eaged. started proudly home with his prize. "The 'gator was as playful as a Mal tese kitten on a sun-shiny day. He soon learned to know what his name was, and would come whenever culled. He would eat out of his master's hand, anil in fact so endeared himself into the hearts of his master and mistress that they Vied with each other to See who could catch for him the must and fattest Hies ami roaches rare and de licious tid-bits for alligators. "Enoeh" became so completely do mesticated, so much like one of the family, and was growing so large for his age, that his master and mistress determined to g're him his liberty, and so ''Enoch wa turned loose aud allowed to meander armiud the gar den. His most especfcil delight w;t- to crawl up 011 the roof of the woodshed and. stretching his scaly anatomy over the ridge pole so that the sun could strike all parts of him at once, he would close his dreamy eyes arid lay low for flies aud June bug's until din ner time. But, alas for pmr Enoch!' N:ir his eage was an opening to :i tare sewer-piK. ami one day. in making a snap at a grnxi-hnpwr. he missed ids footing aud fell in. At dinner lime no Enoch'1 ap peared. . The master and mitte.'s did not know what to think of his abseiiee. but. supposing tbat he had curled up and went to sleep in the wash tub or ash barrel, they would not worn ; but when nig 'l came and no Ewrt-h" they Inrcame truely alar mini. and. with lanterns in hand, sen tired the entire premiss, but no "Enoch'1 con hi t found. Weeks msed. The master and mis tress hail foiien over the first parox isms of griefs hut they still ha! a warm spot in their hearts for their I' ml 'gator, their "Enoch." Just six months from the day Enoch" was lost a workman was re prtirittjf a ner-pie on Ocklawaiia a Venn.. T- e pipe had become stop ped up and he was trying to 11 ml out the ea-.se. Putting his arm up the pie to see if he could feel the ob struction, he was horrified to feel some thing lake I old of it tike a vise. His teeth shattered, his hair tood straight tt-on his head, and if was only by a mistily effort that he eouid attract the Attention of a bystander, who came to his rescue. They decided the best way was to make the thing let jo. but. fail ing iu this, their only hope was to pull the thing, whatever it was, out The bvstauder took hold of the workman, and the workman planted his feet against the sidewalk, and then they pulled. How it hapirened they uerer knew, but something suddenly gave way and I her lntii fell or. r each other, and by the time they got the sand ont of their eyes all they could see was a 4-foot "gntor walking leisurely away and blhtkiiiff his eyes as if be wasn't used to the ligtit. The "ator was "Enoch. He was recognized bv a p'ece of blue ribbon that i.is mistress bad tied anmml his neck. Six months' life in a sewer hadu't any luid effect upon htm or dim med his memory, and the same day, an hour later, he gladdened the hearts of his former ntatr and mistress by crawling majestically into the yard and taking up ids uhl otiarters. "Enoch"' will nt-er go near Un ewer opening agato. Tbe Emperor Napoleon's Roav It was dark, and down a retired street in Paris a man rode alone on horselutck. says the Youth's Companion. Sudden I v the man stopped as if fright ened. Then a mau arose from the pavement in the middle of the street and jumped to one side with a cry. The rider was angry, and exclaimed: Are you drnnk, man, that yoa lie a bout in the middle of a dark street to get vourself run over?11 "Vou might better lend a poor fel low a hand than scold in tbat way.11 exclaimed the other. "I had. 300 francs in gold in this bag, carrying it to pay a bill for my master, and, tbe bag has broken and it is all lost over the street. If yon have some matches they will do me more good than yonr curses." "It's no easy task to find lost money on a night like this,1 said tbe rider, dismounting. "I have no matches, bnt perhaps I can help yon. Have you any of tbe pieces left?1 "Only one,11 replied the unfortunate fellow, with a sob. "Give it to me," said the other. The poor man hesitated, but the stranger repeated the words in a tone of authority, and the last coin was handed to him. The stranger whistled and a great Spanish mastiff stood beside him. He held the coin to the dog's nose, and leaning to the rough pavement said: ,4Find them.11 The dog sniffed the gold piece and began the search. One, two. three; he began bringing In the coins and dropping them into his master's hand, while the poor ser vant stood by in silent wonder. Thirteen times he returned with a 20-franc piece. Then, after a long search, be came back empty, with a grunt that seemed to say: "There are no more." "We are yet lacking one piece," said the stranger. "Are yon sure there were lust 300 francs?11 "Sure as sure can be, sir, the ser vant replied. "Then look in the bag again. There must be one left there.11 The man looked and sure enough found tbe last gold-piece still there. "Ob, sir!" he exclaimed, as tha stranger sprang into his saddle, "yon are my deliverer. Tell me your name that my master may know who has done him such a service." 'I have done nothing, said the stranger. "Tell your master that the one who helped you was a verv erood -and intelligent dog by the name of loie. it was some years afterward, when France had seen troubled times and the royal family was no more, tbat the master was teams the incident to party of friends, one of whom had been employed in tbe palace. "Joie! Joie!' be exclaimed. "There never was but one dog of that name and there never was a more remarkable aud faithful dog than he. He always accompanied his master when he went in disguise about the citv." "Who was his master? they all asked. The reply was brief: "The Emperor Plays the Piano at &G. it is not impossible to hod ladies of not more than 60 years old who Jet their pianos stay unopened because they say they are too old and thett fingers are too stiff to play any more. But people who pass along a Winthrop iiuujc, 11 i rtjjMineu, oicen heai llllisin frnm ninn I B 1 Matilda Sewall. who. though 96 years wu uie sain ana energy girl. Kenuebee JwruaL HOWS THIS T We offer On Hlinrtrert mwanf fhrm esse of catarrh thjUunnMh mivii h, t,kin Hall's Catarrh Cure. r. 4. CUE NET a CO., Props., TolAdo, O. We. the tindftl-Nl mml ham Irnnwii V J rrharm for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly honorable In all baainmui ti-AnMf tlnna. nnrl (In. andallr able to carry out any obligation made west a Tkuax, Wholesale lnimr1st. Toledo, O. VALDtno, KiNNAS c M astiv, Wboltsale Drus gistft, Toledo. O. Ball's Catarrh Chm it (tn intniBii !)., directly upon tne blood and mucous surfaces ot uiv Bjawm. i eanmoDiaiB sent free, nice 75c, per bottle. Sold by ail druggists. Bussia has ordered 3.000.000 new rifles from a French factory. Fifteen Jews were killed and twenf.v- five died of starvation during the Corfu riots. lie eri time is rtlottinir in (.nch ofrmt that Hionolvte hm ritlnrwl tmcrtinl law in Port au Prince. Ex-Queen Natalie baa ten fnrr-lhlv expelled from Servia. The body of a fif teen -vearibl rwvu- with his throat cut ami hi Imm nut. off, a new knife and a saw were found in a Dag in tne river at Liverpool May 19. - Six thousand London tallora Am on strike. Tbe Canadian millera figuring up the stock on hand and are astounded to find they will have to import wheat or stop work unless the harvest is unusually early. A waterspout burst in the Tilileries garden at Paris May 22, uprooting trees and tearing up lawns and path ways. The Best Spring Medicine and Eeautifier of the Complexion in use. Cures Pimples, Boils, Blotches, Neuralgia, Scrofula, Gout, Rheumatic and Mercurial Pains, and all Diseases arising from a disordered state of the Blood or-Ijiver. FOB MLE BY ALT. DKUCOIST'S. J. R. GATES & CO.. Propr's. 417 BAN SOME ST.. SAX FRAJf CISCO. BLAKE, M0FPTTT & TOWN 14, WDIRM .199 RiUM Df PAPERS Card Stock, Straw smd Madera Board. Pa U to tit I 18 scale injuring yoor trees and di figur ing yoar fruit ; Istlte mildew threateaing- joar grapes anl vines; Is tbe curb-leaf m&kinp; your trees weak ieaiiess; An; jwr Peara and Apples wormy and kid- er8 to sieht: Are tne blossoms dropping and frees losing1 meir imii; Tlten ttae for the destruction mad premitloa ttukt wah wbJcb can be aa effectively applied In laminer a In winter. THE LIL COMPOUND. CIS CALIFORNIA - ROQ3I O, PACIFIC STATES T ype-foundrY And Printer? Warehouse, The fa-rorfte Printer' SarrolT Boom of tha Pacific Coast. Prompt, Square and Pro- aad Rule all oa tbe Poiat Sjaleia. Mo obeo Irte styles. none coast Aanra ros Cottnera T7. S. Type Foundry. Mew York. Barnhart's G. W. Type Foundry, Chicago. Benton, Waldo & Co'a Seif-Spacinx Type. Babcock Cylinders, Colt's Armory Inpd tTntrersal, Chandler and Price Gordon Presses, Peerless Presses and Cnttens Bcononiic Paper Cutters, Simons' Cases and Fnrnrtare. Golding's Preswes and ToeVs. ' Sedgwick Paper Jouera, Keystone Qwolns, Pace's Wood Type. Inks and RoHera, Tablet CoiaposiUoa, Bte NEWSPAPERS ON THE HOME PLAN. Complete Outfits and the Smallest Orders meet wits the same careftri and prompt attention. Specimen books mailed oa a 4 H-eation- Address all orders to HAWKS & SHATTUOK, K Washington St.. San Francisco. THE ORK AT K fc 1 A'kyonr dealer fr it. r vrr for f"----iCi r-i.l; r t Petalnma Ipcubator fa. p-1- t TIGER MOWERS. Cut 4 feet, 3 inches. - $75.00 Cut 15 feet, - 82.50 Cui J6 feet. - - - 90.00 Will cut wbexe any outer Mower can. Baker & Hamilton - San Francisco, Cal. Gone to Pieces. Market tor Fralt In Lower, 1 Table Peaches. 2 lb tins, per dosen. .93.10 US Table Apricots, 2.10 25 Table Grapes, - .. 1 1 so Table Plums, - ..140 155 Table assorted. Regular packs ..... 1.75 185 Pie, gallon Una. assented 3. 00 3 25 Pte, Plums 3 00 Pie frnlt assorted. Regular packs 1.10 1 as Pie Grapes, Plums, Fears, Apples 1 00 Pie Sqoash 00 Asparagus, eqoaro Una..... : Cider as wanted, by the Un, dozen case, or ear load we want your trade; are sligE&s at the bot tom In price, and at the top la quainy. Send for new list tree. Smith sCat-h Store, 415 & 418 Front St., S.F. E3 11 O I XJSj f-f C3 TEL, (Under new Uanagement.) " Baal. St.. bet. Montgomery A SanaooM, j. R Conducted on both the European and American ptsn. This favorite hotel Is under the experi enced management of C HARLK8 MONTtMtSI UY, and la as good, If not the best. Family and Business Hen's Hotel tn San Franctace. Home com torts, cuisine unexcelled, first elasu nemos, and the highest standard of reApectblilty guaran ted. Board and room per day l-26 to $2. sin gle rooms 50c to W. Free coach to and from hotel . JORDAN CO'l Educational Museum of Anatomy- Kasiavad tu their m Bulltiinc loft MUfUucT aTHKW, bat. th and Tth, S T ' Enlargwl, where thousand uf lnirut . electa may be Mm. culiavtad la Kuroi a , coat of t,ooo. Tttlala tha onlj Mueetiix thta aids tt tbe Barky Kouauii,! Kt Mahed jraara. ; nt) taugat i,, . wotuterfnny j.-a ar maOe. and how uroie . Btckncas and dlaeaaa. Em rune. ftr iarfiaa jad gBnilamas, S5 eta. Vrivato Oatoa. MMikh m m mm a. BJSBS.