The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, December 19, 1890, Image 4

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    -TirjlXP HUMOR.
Vt her up tenderly,
Treat her with cure;
- Hie banana peeled tripped her.
And you know she ran t swear.
I'uiladelphla Timet
The glass filled to the brim at nlgh
will fill the hat to the brim iathe mora
ing. Yonkers Statesman
Men's sins, it is said, always find then:
cut.' That isn't so bad as if they found
them in. Berkshire News.
If men wore their hair as long as the
women do it would not last a week
after the wedding. Dallas Kews.
Before you do anything: wicked, re
member that the papers will propably
wan to mention iu Atcnison uiobe.
The nickel-in-the-slot machine nevet
robs itself. When it is not working it
keeps the nickel. A'exo Orkans IMca-
When a man is convinced that he
owes anything to himself he is alwayf
very anxious to pay it. Binghamton
The poet s remark about "sermons
in stones" recalls the lesson that David
taught Goliath with a slung-shot
Washington Post.
"So your intended is really a beautv.
eh?" "A beauty? lea, indeed. Why
she even looks handsome in an amateur
photograph." Indianapolis Journal.
It is a sign tftat her husband is ruak
log money when a woman begins to
get the look on her face of looking at
you without seeing you. Atchison
Mrs. Fidgett "Going to church
didn't improve your father's tempei
any. tie came home like a wild beast."
Dutiful Son "After his preyl" N.
11 Herald.
The reason why they kill spring
cnicKens is because tney are of no
earthly use except in an ornamental
way after they quit laying. Bingham
ton Leader.
"Did he whip him?" "Whip himP
Why he knocked him into the middle
of next week:" "Then, of course, he
knocked him out of time." Philadel
phia Times.
There is a strong resemblance be
tween the friend who oats you on the
back in a quarrel and the man who
says '-Sick 'em" to a dog in a tight.
Atchison Globe.
The man who howls loudest about
the "equality of man" is invariably
the man who is most firmly convinced
that the world contains no one equal
to mmseii. rttcJC
There is no record of the Good
' 6amaritan distributing tracts. He made
tracks, but they led in the direction of
the man wno nact lallen by the way
side. lexas btfitngs.
After you have weighed your neigh
bor in the balance drop a nickel of
fairness in the slot of self-examination
and ascertain vour own moral avoir
dupois. Dover Sentinel.
lont you think it extravagant.
Henry, to pay 10 guineas for a diamond
ring for your wife?" Not at all; you
seem to xorget now mucn i snail save
on her glove bill." Spare Moments,
"Uncle Abe, what is your idea for
naving me camp-meeting nem in an
other place this year?" "Wal, sah,
the chicken cholera been ragin pow'ful
In de ole neighborhood.". Y. Herald.
W is Ann "Fnlrrn Tn mtr rlatr 1 1 n
firls wore one-buttoned gloves and
resses buttoned up to the neck; now
they wear one-buttoned dresses and
gloves buttoned up to neck." y. Y.
"I trust,1' said the love-lorn young
man, "that the poem I sent you
touched you, even if only a very little."
"It did, it did," she murmured. "I
made curl papers with it." Washing
ton Post.
A Lightning Interview: Reporter
What is your candid opinion of the
Emperor, Prince Bismarck?" Bis--roarck
"Tor a Gotillion he vasO Gay.
Vor a Cherman leadter he vas N Chee."
The ipocA.
Bliffers "Hello Whiffers! How goes
ft? Still working for Harde Cash &
Co.?" Whiffers "No. I'm in busi
ness for myself now." "You don't say
bo?" "Yes, I married an actress."
A1 P. Weekly.
League Manager (to applicant)
What makes you think you wonld
make a good pitcher? You 6ay you
have never played ball." Applicant
"I have worked in a tar factory all my
life." Drakes Magazine.
"Tom "So you did not propose to
that dear girl last night, as you in
tended to. Ah, my friend, I am afraid
you were not tired by the divine spark
of love." Dick "No. I was firea by
her father." N. Y. Weekly.
Wife "You dance a great deal bettei
than you did when we were married.
Then you always tore my dress in
dancing, but you don't now." Hus
band "Humph! Then I didn't have to
pay for it." Texas Siftings.
Jimmy -'Them two Jones boys if
mighty luckv to be twins, ain't they?"
Bob "Why?" Jimmy "They can
keep up three or four different Sun-daj'-schools
at the same time, and take
in all the picnics and Christmas trees."
- America.
"Pa," said Willie, who had been
reading the newspaper, "who are the
sulphur refiners?" "I guess they are
- the heterodox people," replied the old
gentleman, who takes a great deal of
interest in religious matters. Wash
ington Post.
The Rev. Dr. Rubitin "Picture re
jected, eh? Ah, well, all that will be
as nothing if you are -not rejected at
ihe last great exibition the Judgment
Day." Mahlstick (discontentedly)
"Well, even if I'm not rejected, then
I'll be skied." Backet.
Father (who wouldn't give his daugh
ter a new hat) "Good sermon, Sophv?
- What was the text?" Daughter "I
caunot remember the words exactly,
dad, but something to the effect that "if
jou have one spark of generosity in
you water it well." Buffalo Express.
Judge Peterby "Where is your son
now?" Col. "Yerger "He is with
Silverstone." "Isn't that the mer
chant who has failed several times and
been burned out a time or so?" "Yes,
that's the man. I want my son to get
a practical business education." Texai
Siftings. '
'5C,here was a very interesting. thing
liappeuea in tne House of Kepresenta
. a t ,i . . i . . . .
yes to-'' ay " saitt the chattv youth to
cyung woman on whom he was
?y -is it,- sne inquired in a
intone, "anything that von could
tell without impropriety P'' Wash
ington rem.
But, my dear,"" said Frau Meyer to
her husband in the . restaurant, "we
have been here only a -narter of an
hour, and already j-ou liae ordered
three glasses of beer!" HJut yes,
child, what do I pay such a tipMor if
not to keep the waiters act
ti"Vt?C I
Fliegende Blatter.
Two mechanics visited the art gal-
lerv a few days ago and stood before
"4.he ADgei ,-(in silence lor a iew
moments. -'TiUs a tine picture,"
said one; "that's the real thing."
Aye, so it is," rejoined the other; "you
can almost hear the thistle blow to
quit work." Buffalo Courier.
A fashion writer says that the person
who is well shod, w'ell gloved, and
whose headgear is what U should be is
'aTmrvs certain of consideration. It
may be remarked with still greater
' tin th that the person who is "well-
hpled" has a mortgage on the entire
visible supply or that article. Detroit
Free lYcss.
Cholly Fashun (to Custom-Honse
officer) "Now that you have dis
covered those English clothes iu my
trunk and examined them I should like
to know how in time you found I was
trying to smuggle them. How did you
Know they were in my trunk?" Cus-tom-House
Otllcer "They are so very
loud that I heard them throbbing in
side the trunk." Lawn nee American.
A New-England Do Tried and Hanged
for Witchcraft. :
In the middle ages the lower ani
mals were frequently tried, convicted,
and punished for various offenses, savs
All the Year Bouttd. Mr. Baring-Gould
has collected some curious cases of this
kind. In 1266 a pig was burned at
Fontaney-aux-Roses, near Paris for
having eaten a child. In 13S6 a judge
at Falaise condemned a sow to be
mutilated and hanged for a similar of
fense. Three years later a horse was sol
emnly tried before the magistrate and
condemned to death for having killed
a man.
During the fourteenth ccnturv oxen
and cows might be legally killed when
ever taken in the act of marauding.and
asses, for a hrst offense, had one ear
cropped; for a second offence the other
ear, and if after this they were asses
enough to commit a third offense their
lives were made forfeit to tho crown.
Criminal animals frequently expiated
their offenses, like other malefactors,
on the gallows, but subsequently they
were summarily killed without trial,
and their owners mulcted in heavy
In the fifteen century it was popu
larly believed that cocks were inti
mately associated with witches, and
they were somewhat credited with tho
power of laying accursed eggs, from
which sprang winged serpents. In
1474 at Bale a cock was publicly ac
cused of having laid one of the dread
ful eggs. He was tried, sentenced to
death, and, together with the egg. was
burned by the executioner in the market-place
amid a great concourse of
In 1694, during the witch perse
cutions in New England, a dog ex
hibited such strange symptoms of
affliction that he was believed to have
been ridden by a warlock and he was
accordingly hanged. Snails, flies,
mice, ants, caterpillars, and other ob
noxious creatures have been similarly
proceeded against mostly in ecclesias
tical courts. And, stranger still, in
animate objects have suffered the same
In 1685, when the Protestant chapel
at Rochelle was condemned to be de
molished, the bell was publicly whip
ped for having assisted heretics with
its tongue. After being whipped it
was catechized, compelled to recant,
and then baptized and hung up in a
Roman Catholic place of worship.
Probably similar absurdities , may
have been penetrated in our own
country, for it must berememterd that
only in the preseut reign was the law
repealed which made a cart-wheel, a
tree, or a beast which had killed a
man forfeit to the state for the benefit
of the poor. It had been said that
punishment is not likely to be effica
cious unless it swiftly follows the
offense. This was improved on by a
Barbary Turk, who, whenever he
bought a fresh Christian slave, had
him hung up by the heels and bastina
doed, on the principle, it is supposed
though the application is decidedly
singular that prevention is better
than cure.
The Sex Are Queer.
There were four passengers who got
off at a country junction to wait two
hours for the train on the other line
two men and two women. None had
ever seen each other before. The sta
tion was a little better than a barn,
with no house nearer than a quarter of
a mile. The women gave each other
a look and entered the waiting room,
where they sat down as far apart as
"Well, old boy," remarked the
strange man to me, "have asmoke?"
"Yon bet."
And in five minutes we were well
acquainted, and playing euchre under
the shadow of a box-car. He didn't
take me tor a thief, and I never sus
pected him of being a murderer, and
the two hours went by in a hurry.
Not so in the depot, however. For
the first half hour the two women
glared at each other. Neither would
speak first. Each was afraid of the
other. One looked out into the turnip
field and the other into a swamp. Now
and then one or the other mustered up
courage to approach the door and look
out, but always to return to her seat
again. Only one had a watch. She
consulted it every five minutes, but the
other dare not ask what time it was.
As an offset, however, a wooden pail,
half full of warm water, stood near
her, and though the other lady was
dying for a drink she dared not go
over to the pail. One had a novel and
the other had a bundle of shells andj
curiosities, and they could have chatted
and visited and read and had a good
time. But they dared not. They had
not been introduced. What an awful,
awful thing if they had spoken and
acted civilized, and then one had found
out that the other was only a hired
girl. Chicago Journal.
Discovery of Anthracite.
The proposition to erect a monu
ment to Philip Ginder, who discovered
anthracite coal on Summit hill. Car
bon county, in 1791, has given rise to
a number of claims for the honor of
discovering coal inPennsylvania. The
Wyoming valley people claim that an
thracite was known in that section of
the state as early as 1756. There is a
tradition that hard coal was burned in
the Valley Forge about the time of the
French and Indian war. Neverthe
less the Mauch Chunk promoters of
the Ginder celebration refuse to be
turned aside from their plans. They
point with pride to the fact that the
Lehigh Valley Coal-Mining company
began practicing mining in Carbon
county in 1792. in immediate conse
quence of Ginder's discovery, and it
was only then that the possible im
portance of coal as a fuel began to be
appreciated. They claim, therefore,
that Ginder is entitled to a monument,
and they propose that he shall have
one, on the just grounds that the dis
covery of anthracite is not the indi
vidual who knew that the ground con
tained black stones without knowing
their use, but he whose discovery led
to the use of coal as fuel.
Ginder seems to be as much deserv
ing of the honor of being called the
discoverer of anthracite coal in Penn
sylvania as Fulton is of being called
the inventor of a steamboat, or Isaac
Anrfrstn ilia rl icnnt'n.a. i I CTn .... r. I 1
luu lifts motuicnii ui uiucicuilnl
gjjjgQju or R0Dert Koikes the founder
' Sunday-schools.
Clock Renting.
Rentjjjg clocks is a new business in
New HHen.-Over 1,800 clocks of this
kind ha"been placud already in that
city at a rOal of J5 cents a month.
In some casbhere the lime of opera
Lives in a facto demands careful ad
justment an ot tbe company
visits the place dailynd reuiates the
clock so far as be c.sarv--Ordi
narily tne ciocks are V,,-,,,;. in
sir days, and tbe compk K ujs to
Hew a Ktniil City Pawnbroker
900 In a Shady War.
A devious individual not long ago
presided over a pawnshop on Main
street". His name was not Schmeltz,
bttt that name will answer a9 well as
any other In this truthful chronicle.
When trade was dull and lime hung
heavy on' his hands many were his
ways to trap the shy and restless dol
lar. One day a man like himself, a He
brew, who maintained a second-hand
store In - the Bottoms, told him that
very often men came to him with
watches and other jwelry for sale and
that he hesitated about buying, ns he
was no judge of such articles. He
wanted to arrange with Schmeltx to
bring the articles to him for his opin
ion as to their value.
"All right," said Schmeltx. "if a
man brings you a watch tell him 3-ou'll
show it to me for my opinion and aft
erward give him what it' is worth."
Theu Schmeltz evolved a brilliant
business idea. The next morning, se
lecting a watch worth perhaps 10 and
of a kind of which he had about a
peck, he sent a strauger to sell it to
his friend. The stranger wanted $20,
but made no objection to the Bottoms
dealer taking it to his "friend for his
opinion." "ami agreed to return it in
the afternoon. When Schmeltz was
showed the watch he told the other
that it was worth $40.
II give $20 apiece for all I can get
em, said Sohimdtz. "Ask him if
he has any more. If he has. you get
them if you can for $17 or 18 apiece
and I'll pay you $20 for every one a
the lot. Take a hu idred of 'em if he's
got 'em."
Going back, the Bottoms merchant
made inquiries and found that his cus
tomer had about forty watches alto
gether the same beiug furnished by
the intelligent Schmeltz and after a
little haggling he purchased the lot at
f IS a watch. He mit his wife in charge
f the shop aud Slurried to Schmeltz
with his prizes.
"Those are alt right." said Schmeltz,
as he" carefully looked over the time
pieces, "and I'll give $20 each for 'em;
but there's one thing 1 must see about.
Since you were here, two detectives
have been in aud report a large num
ber of watches stolen. I don't want
to burn my fingers with these, if they
are the ones. I've taken the numbers
from the officers and we'll
them with these."
So Schmeltz produced a list of num
bers, and. to the horror of the Bottoms
lealer, they exactly compared with
those oi nis purchases,
eu with terror and
He was strick-
asked Sch melts
what course to take.
"I wouldn't care to say." said
Schmeltz. "I don't want any peni
tentiary in mine for fooling "in any
way with stolen property. 1 don't see
how you cau get out of it, as the de
tectives are 'dead sure' to 'turn them
This reduced the other to an abject
state. At last Schmeltz professed to
take pity on him. He reflected that
he had very good standing with the
police and might g.-t rid of the stuff,
although he ran great risk. As a favor
to his friend, he would take them and
pay $5 a watch for them. The victim
joyfully acceded aud Schmeltz paid
him $200, cleariug in the neighborhood
of $300 by the enterprise.
The Art of Sweeping.
In sweeping, take bng light strokes,
and do not nse too heavy a broom.
"Alice." said Lois, "do 3-011 honestly
think sweeping is harder exercise than
playing tennis?"
I hesitated. "I really don't know.
One never thinks of hard or easy in
tennis, the game is so interesting; and
then it's out-door exercise, and there's
no danger of inhaling dust."
"Well, for my part," said Marjorie,
"I like doing work that tells. There
is so much satisfaction in seeing the
figures in the carpet come out bright
ly under the broom! Alice, what did
you do to make your reception-room
so splendiferous? Girls look here!
You'd think this carpet had just come
out of the warehouse."
"Mother often tells Aunt Hetty,"
said I, "to dip the end of the broom in
a pail of water in which , she has pour
ed a little ammonia a teaspoonful to
a gallon. The ammonia takes off the
dust, and refreshes the colors wonder
fully. We couldn't keep house with
out it," I finished rather proudly.
"Did vou bring some from home?"
asked Afarjorie. looking hurt.
"Why, of course not! I asked your
mother, and she gave me the bottle,
and told me to take what I wanted."
A little coarse salt or some damp
tea leaves strewed over a carpet before
sweeping add case to the cleansing
process," said Mrs. Downing, appear
ing on the scene and praising us for
our thoroughness. "The reason is
that both the salt and tea leaves being
moist keep down the light floating
dust, which gives more trouble than
the heavier dirt. But now you will all
be better for a short rest; so come into
my little snuggery, and have a gossip
and a lunch, aud then you may attack
the enemy again." Harper's Young
Oysters for Dessert.
Did you ever hear of oysters for
dessert? I mod to know a bon vivant
who never eat them except after din
ner. He boarded for many years at
one of the famous hotels in this city,
and during the oyster seasou every
year, as soon as he had finished his
dinner in the salle a manger, he used
to walk directly to the oyster counter
on the ground floor and eat a dozen
blue points on the half shell which the
watchful attendant always had selected
for him. This experienced epicure
scorned to begin a meal with oysters.
"What!" he would saj', "put cold
bivalves on an empty stomach? Such
a practice must ruin digestion. Begin
your meal with warm soup, which
gently stimulates the stomach and
gives it a tone. When you are through
with a hearty meal your stomach
craves something cooling. It should
be gratified. Not with a viand hard to
digest, but one which dissolves easily
with the heat of the stomach, imposing
no labor upou the digestive faculties.
Oysters are just the thiug cooling, of
delicious flavor, refreshing; they settle
the appetite and make the whole 833
tem feel at ease. They are the scien
tific climax to a banquet, and the man
that does not know it is not a finished
epicure." The old gentleman proved
that 03sters after dinner were healthy,
anyway, for he lived to be more than
fourscore and kept up his practice to
the last. N. Y. Star.
Italians in Buenos 'Ayres.
Two hundred thousand Italians are
now living in Bn.-nos Ayres. From
time to time the native inhabitants
speculate 011 the events which might
arise in case these 200.000 strangers
should undertake to assert their nation
ality, and take posssiou of the city.
Electric Railways.
The latest and most trustworthy sta
tistics show that there are in operation
in this country and in the course of
construction at the present time no
fewer than 179 electric railwaj-s, ope
rating 1,884 cars, with 1.260 miles of
track. The number of passengers
carried annually it would be difficult
to estimate, but'it cau not be farJrom
Buckwheat and Uradual Adraami
quer the Wlldoeu of the ltirda.
Several weeks ago Mrs. D. N. SnvtH
of Jefferson township saw a lot of
quails dusting themselves under some
currant bushes iu the back end of bcr
garden, says the Scranton, Pa., corre
spondent of the N. Y. Sun. The birds
looked so happy and contented thai
she thought it would be too bad to dis
turb them, so she returned to the house
without, pulliug the weeds out of a
patch of onions that she had gone
there for the purpose of doing. In an
hour or so the quails had.disappearcd
in the tall timothy of the adjoining
meadow, and Mrs. Snyder scattered
some buckwheat around where they
had been wallowing. On the follow
ing day the birds came there again,
gobbled up the buckwheat, and had a
good time. Every day for a1 week or
so Mrs. Snyder scattered grain among
the bushes for the quails to feed on,
and the birds soon got so that they
looked for food in the gnrdeu as regu
larly as they did for a resting place at
night out in the woods, back of the
big meadow lot.
One morning the kind-hearted woman
forgot to throw the buckwheat, but the
quails reminded her of her negligenco
by appearing at the usual hour and
making a great fuss and noise because
there wasn't any grain in the garden
for them to pieli up. Mrs. Snyder let
the birds hunt for other kinds of food
that day. and for several mornings
after that she didn't fail to give them
a good feed of buckwheat. Then she
missed a morning on purpose to see
how the quails would act when they
didn't find any grain near the currant
bushes, watching from a second-story
window for them to nake their ap
pearance. Promptly on time the whole flock
crept under the garden fence from the
meadow, ran among the bushes, and
began to dodge and flutter about where
they had been iu the habit of finding
the buckwheat. When they had
searched long enough to learn that no
grain had been put there for them the
birds piped in low tones, fluttered un
easily, scattered into the vegetable
bedsT and appeared to be very much
disappointed. In a little while the
quails gave up the search, assembled
under the currant bushes, and went to
dusting themselves in the soil. Mrs.
Snj-der counted fourteen in the flock,
and theu she went down-stairs, got a
basinful of buckwheat, and tiptoed her
way into the garden. When she had
got as near to the quails as she could
without scaring them Mrs. Snyder
flung a handful of buckwheat toward
tbe quiet little flock. It fell among
I them and they all scampered under
the fence anil went out of sight in a
hnrry. Then she threw some more
of the grain on the ground where they
had been and secreted herself behind a
row of peavines. Preseutly one of the
birds ventured to crawl under the
fence into the garden. It soon found
the buckwheat, and set to tilling its
crop, and at this the other birds toek
courage, filed from their hiding places,
and went to picking up the graiu as
though each was determined to get its
From her place of concealment Mrs.
Snyder flung a handful of buckwheat
into the air so that it fell into the midst
of the flock. It scared the birds a lit
tle, but thev quickly resumed their
feeding, and Airs. Snyder began to
whistle to them, flinging more graiu
into the air as she whistled. That ex
cited their curiosity just enough to
make them look np for a moment, aud
Mrs. Suyder emptied the basin and
stole awav without letting the birds
see her. She fed the quails in tlii way
for a few days, gradually got them
used to her w histle and voice, and let
them get sight of her l3- degrees. In
side of a month from the time s!ie first
saw the birds in ti' garden she had
them o well lamed that ti.ey fluttered
out of the meadow whenever she called
them, ate io h-r preseuve, ami did not
seem to fear her at all. Siuce theu
Mrs. Snyder has taken a good deal of
comfort "with her strange' little flock,
and she said the other la- that the
confidence the birds have in her pays
her many times over for all the trouble
she has made herself la geiiing the
wiid little creatures to be us tame as
they are.
A Bride Who Was Coy.
At a small station on the Georgia
Pacific road a bridal couple boarded
our train. They were of the "cracker"
variet3r and their greenness at once at
tracted attention. They had tickets
for Atlanta aud were" going on a
"tour." The3- hadn't been on the train
ten minutes when the bride was noticed
to be weeping, and pretty soon the
groom came back to where I sat with
the conductor, and said:
"Conductor. I wish you'un would
go'n speak to Marv."
"What's the matter with Mary?"
was asked.
"She'un's a-weepin' fur her ma.
Says she'un wants to go right back
"She'll get over it," said the official,
and the groom returned to his seat. It
wasn't over ten minutes, however, be
fore he returned to say:
"Conductor.' she'uns a'takin' on like
smoke. Says she can't abide to be
mar'd, nohow, and her wishes her dun
hadn't done it."
"Well, she'll have to make the best
of it," replied the conductor, and the
groom returned to console her. She
turned away from him, however, and
pretty soon he was back to say:
"Conductor, she'un declar's she'll
go home to ma on foot. I never dun
see anybody so onery."
"Wasn't it a marriage for love?"
"Your shoutiu' it was! We'uns hey
dun laved for mighty nigh three 3-'ars."
"I guess she's a little coy. Tnat
will all wear off in time."
The groom went to the rear of tho
car after a drink of water and just then
the train stopped at a station. The
bride was up and out on the platform
like a flash, and the car had not ceased
its motion when she leaped to the
ground, fell head over heels, and
scrambled up and started back up the
track on a run. The groom rushed
out of the car and jumped to the plat
form, and as he caught sight of his
fleeing bride he turned to the conduc
tor and said:
"Dog-gone her, she'un's pnttin" in
her best licks to git back to ma, and
I've got to foilerT You'uu dun said
she'un was coy, and I dun depended
on you and let her git away! C03-!
coyl Whv, she'un's got my fo'teen
dollars an"' is runuiu' like a skeared
rabbit!" N. Y. Sun.
Instructions to the New Messenger.
He was a new messenger boy un
taught in the practices and ethics of
his chosen profession. He was being
broken in by the veteran in the busi
ness, the boy who had his particular
line of work so well in hand that he
could use up any required amount of
time in passing a given point The
two were going up a stairway when
they were observed. The small boy,
the inexperieuced one. started up on a
run. With a look of iutense disgust
No. 2 restrained him and gave him the
following business advice: "Aw, wot
yer hustliu' that way for? You just
want to fall upstairs, "like this. See?"
And he proceeded to give a correct
Imitation of a mau 90 years old "fall
ing" np-stairs.
There are seven millionaire editors
la New York.
aud let.
Thirty thousand dollars a month is
paid out for lottery tickets in Key
West, Fla. N
j The whole world's1 produce of salt
per annum Is 7.300.000 tons. England
produces the most.
Mrs. Eunice J. Jose, a ninety-oue
(ear-old Saco. Me., woman, is cutting
icr third set of teeth.
,.111.., iiorth
The aggregate debt of all the col
onies of Australia is $215 per head of
tho population, or $(i8.000.000.
Tomatoes are eaten in London for
biliousness. They; are proposed also
as a remedy for chronic throat troubles.
. Tho father of a family was seen
lately bearing eight overshoes of as
sorted size "nested" like Chinese puz
zle boxes.
Fish Commissioner Stanley, of Maine,
believes that there is more than enough
gold at Swift River, Me., to pay for
the digging.
There is an unclaimed letter in tho
Grass Vullej-, Cal., post office for Mr.
I. You. hog merchant. Mr. I. You is
probably a Chinaman.
A boy at Nevada Citv. Cal., catches
lizards with a hook baited with flics.
He throws his line on the rocks and
the reptiles spring eagerly for the fly.
A bell, cast recently for the Kharkow
Cathedral, contains 68 percent of pure
silver. It weighs 646 English pounds,
and its vibrations last several minutes.
A vicious stallion at Rochester. Ind.,
bit its owner in the shoulder, then at
tacked a passing dairyman, and finished
up by biting off the ear of the lalter's
The export of canaries from Ger
many is very large. Every year about
130,000 of these birds arcseut to Amer
ica. 3.000 to England and about 2.000
to Russia.
A single orange tree in Florida has
been known to U-ar 8.000 oranges in a
year. Such a yield is excessive, as n
grove that will vjeld 1,500 to the tree
is considered excellent.
It appears that the great majority of
pcrsous committing suicide in Japan
are over fifty years of age. Next on
the list come persons between twentv
and thirty years of age.
Now that it U decided that the mos
quito can transmit yellow fever and
malaria by the puncture with his little
bill, society will wage a more deadlv
war than ever upon him.
The largest reservoir or artificial
tank in the world is the great tank of
Dhetar, twenty miles southeast of
Udaipnr. in India. It covers an area
of twenty-oue square miles.
Ninety years ago Mr. Palmer, an
actor, fell dead on the Liverool stage.
The moment before his death he had
exclaimed. "O God. O God, there is
another and a better world."
The Primrose League of England is
Hearing the millionth member. When
the returns were made up at the close
of last month the registered members
numbered 939,180, and tbe habitations
It is told of a youug man in Han
cock. Me., that, though he goes to
nieetiugs, parties and other gatherings,
he has never been known to speak to
anybqdy, but his parents. No reason
is assigned for his silence.
A sycamore tree near Newtown,
Conn., is said to be 85 feet high and 21
feet iu diameter, while its branches
shade an area extending 80 feet from
the trunk. It produces large and
abuudant white blossoms.
A bill will be introduced into parlia
ment next season which proposes to
restrict the public performances of
hypnotic experiments. According to
medical testimony much harm is done
by amateurs dabbling in this science.
The Chinamen of New York have
j,iven to their joss, at 16 Mott street, a
nlalion is a punishment which should
be reserved for males.
The islaud of Tristan, iu the south
Atlantic, is inhabited by eighty people,
the patriarch of the part v. Peter Green,
a veritable Robinsou Crusoe, having
been there for fifty-two years. He has
just sent a letter complaining that some
of bis grown-up children show a desire
to leave their lovely island home.
Tlje religion of Dahomeyland is to
the effect that any soldier killed while
new umbrella, which they had brought
over from China. It is covered with
dragons and other monsters with glit
tering eyes, aud is said to have cost
I. N. Blankinship, of Marion. Mass.,
has a clock whic!i was made in 1732.
The works are of brass, and the clock
keeps as good time us it did when it
was made, 158 years ago, but the ac
counts varr as to tho kind of time it
kept in 173"2.
The population of the Dominion of
Canada, according to the census of
1881. was 4.324.800. a id it is estimated
that by 1891 the ;nn s will have in
creased to 5,270,377. Preparations are
in active progress for taking the cen
sus of next 3-ear.
The "Old Witch II..1-0." in Salem,
Mass., is still standing, j ist as in the
days of Hawthorne, an I h a sort of
grim wooing of circumstauce, almost
opposite it there is. on a door, a sign
which reads like this: "Clairvoyant
nd Business Medium."
Iu Austria the hangman is a man
named Seigfricd. who wears a black
uniform, with a cocked hat aud white
gloves. He has never had to hang a
woman, for the emperor thinks Rtrau;'.
gmiug wnuo liiuu goes straight lo
eaveu to become a handsome 3-oung
man of twenty-live, who is provided
hh fifteen beautiful wives and all the
mmi; he can eat for 1,000 years. Un-
!cr this belief hundreds of them do
tneir best to get killed.
Miss Elizabeth Miles, of Colera,
Ala., is the victim of a remarkable
delusion. She imagines that she is
Mrs. Grover Cleveland and that her
husband is still president. Miss Miles
met Mrs. Cleveland three j-cars ago
and became attached to her. She fell
from her horse a 3"ear ago, since which
time she has been possessed of the hal
luciuatiou. A new "cure" has been iuvented in
Germany, which may be adopted as a
greater novelt3- than'the mind cure or
the faith cure. Its basis is the harden
ing of the human organism, which hut
been disastrously enl ehlud bv- civiliza
tion. The patients imitate the nuble
savage and the gypsy, and the system
includes going barefoot as ouo part of
tho cure. OneGcrman parish contains
1,400 patients.
Colonel Webb, of Chester, N. J., is
in the ninetieth year ot his age. Ho
cau stand upon a chair, bend back
ward, touch his head upou the floor
aud rise up again without the aid of
his hands. Ho goes 'fishing nearly
every laj- in the Black river, stands in
tbe water up to his' knees from morn
ing until night, and ofttimes lands as
many as fifty cattish u tlay. Who of
that age can beat this record?
A sweet girl graduate, sa3-s an cx
change, thus described tho manner iu
which a goat butted a boy out of the
front yard: "He hurled the previous
eud of his anatomy against the boy's
afterward with an earnestness nud
velocity which, backed by the ponder
osity of the goat's avoirdupois, iiu
narted a momentum thatvwas not re-
- k
. '
') "i.-pst expensive coffee
s Might to this market comes from Blue
Mountain, Jamaica. The whole product
of the region is small, and only a few
thousand bags reach New York. It is us
ually bought by Delniuntco at a very
high figure. At the same time the Dcl
monico coffee docs not contribute to the
restaurant's reputation. Quite as good
coffee is served at half a dozen less
famous places.
One of Ihe brightest of tho new
United Statt-s senators is Nathan Fel
lows Dixon of Rhode Island, a bright
eyed, dark-faced man 43 years of age.
pays F. G. Carpenter iu "Wide-Awake.
He comes from ' a line of statesmen.
His grandfather was iu ihe senate
when John Tyler was president, and
his father bro'ught him here as a 3-year-old
baby during his first con
gressional term in 18 U and 1850. Sen
ator Dixon stopped with his father at
this time at tho National hotel, and
young as he was he is able to remem
ber some of the incidents of this part
of his life. Henry Clay was stopping
at the same hotel mid he was verv
fond of children. Senator Dixou saj's
he distinctly rejjiemljcrs one ilav going
down the steps and meeting Henry
Clay coming up. The great Kent tick
Ian grasped the Rhode Island baby by
the arms and lifted him up to his face.
Little Dixon yelled out:
"Let me go!"
Mr. Clay, however, putting his arms
around tho boy and holding him to his
breast said: "I can't do that because
I want to kiss you. and 1 wonder if
3011 know who I am."
"Yes. I know," said the boy, "but I
want to go."
"Well. hoam I?' said Clay.
"Oh." sa'd young Dixon, "you are
Milter Harry Clay. Now let me go."
With this the great statesman kissed
the boy. gave a hearty laugh with his
big mouth, nnd put him down.
From that tinm on li ihv Dixon and
Senator Clay continued their acquaint
ance, aod Bab3" Dixon often came into
Senator Clay's rooms and uas made
much of by the senator. One dav,
however, he uas present when Henry
Clay had some important callers. He
hud no time to talk lo Baby Dixon
and he took li tin from his knee, placed
him upon his feet, and said: "Now.
Nale3", run dowu-tdairs to your mam
ma." The future senator was rather in
dignant at this treatment, and be
slammed tiie door heartily as he
staiucd out. Senator Clay told the
story a number of times afterward.
He said he could hear little Nathan's
footsteps ns he went down the stairs.
At first Ids tread was loud and boister
ous. As he went toward the bottom
It grew fainter and fainter, aud at last
the noise stopped. A moment later be
heard the little feet pattering back
again, and a gentle kuock was made
upon the door. Henry Clay called
"Come in, sir!"
The door opened and little Nathan
Dixon's pretty face looked in and his
cherry lips voiced forth the words:
"My lore to you. Mr. Clay!"
With this he turned and ran down
the stairs to his mother. He had evi
dently appreciated that his action in
slamming the door and leaving the
room was ungentlemanly. and though
only a boy of 3 years he had repented
before he had reached the foot of the
stairs and hurried back to make bis
baby apology.
Senator Dixon told this storv in con
rersation the other day, and he ought
not to object to seeing it in print, as it
is certainly complimentary to him.
swollen niter in
"After examining the works of the
line in the vicinity of Pnnta Negra,
where I overtook the paymaster. Don
Carlos. I started off in his company to
the next camp of Vermejito. which if
2100 metres above the level of the sea.
Here we Fpeut the night; and the next
morning, after admiring the grand
black basaltic rocks that render the
scenert- in these parts all the more dis
mally impressive, we started, together
with two of the engineers of the camp,
who volunteered to - see us safely
across the It:o Blanco, which was re
ported to be daugeronsly swollen.
When we reached the bottom of the
deep ravine through which this torrent
flows, we found the report to be only
too true. Tne water, white as milk,
was foaming and dashing over a part
of the narrow plauks which had been
anchored across the stream below the
best fording-place. After working an
hour at the risk of their lives, the two
v oung engineers, who were as agile as
goats one was a Swede aud the other
an Italian succeeded in raising one
of the plauks a font, so that it could be
crossed with comparative safety, the
dash of the water over it remaining
only about six inches. The human
( lenient of the party then felt reas
sured: but how would the mules get
The "arrieros" were in a state o
great agitation, and the paymaster was
anxious about the thousands of dollar
that he had in his money bags. How
ever, every man lent "a band. - The
mules were unloaded, and, with the
aid of cries aud whirling lassos, they
were driven into the turbulent torrent,
aud waded or swam across bravely,
one only getting carried away for a
few minutes, nnd losing a big piece of
his flesh against a sharp bowlder. The
next thing was to cany over the bag
gage and saddles. A lasso was flung
across the stream, and held on one sit!"
by the two engineers, nnd on the other
by Ihe "vigilante." or gendarme, who
accompanied the paymaster, "to pre
vent him ruuiiing away with the com
pany's mouey." as we used laughingly
to tell him. This taut cord served as
a hand-rail, along the narrow plauk.
and by means of repealed journeys,
and with incessant risk, tho baggage
was finally all carried over, the mules
loaded ami saddled, and the journe
rcsumed, Don Cuius and his part
leaving me behind, for they were wei'l
mounted on strong horses. Theodore
Child, in Jlnrncr's M-tannine..
Killing and Cooking a Turtle,
"I was surprised to learu the other
day," said Charlie Si hweickardt. "that
very few persons not engaged in the
restaurant busiuess know how a turtle
is killed and prepared for the souu.
Please enlighten mankind by telling
them that a turtle is killed bv cutting
its head off. You at the
least sign of danger' the turtle will
draw his head into his shell, and then
you have to resort cither to strategy or
brutality to make him put out his head
again. This object may be accom
plished by.hauging the turtle by the
tail. This will cause his head to drop
down and then a sharp knife will do
the rest of the work. Some people
have an idea that the turtle as soon as
he is killed is thrown right into the
pot and boiled into soup. When the
turtle is dead the breastplate is sawed
in two and an opening to insert the
scouring knife is made. "Then the ex
pert deftly curves the knife iu such a
manner as to remove the back plate
without taking a particle of meat with
l. The entrails are secured and then
the real body of the turtle is put in the
pot and the vegetables ami other
accessories added with hot water.
Then let it boil aod you will soon have
good turtle soup." "St. Louis Republic
Read-carts, Buggies, Spring Wag
ons, Mowers, Binders, Feed
Cntters, Pumps, Etc, -
Bagfftoa, Carrtacea and Sprlngr Wagou
ui an uract tired EXPKESSLf for
the I'aclflc Coavt Trad
Write for Special Catalogue.
Wa bars mad arrangements to
uandla tbe
illed Plows.
and will dispose of our stock ot
at reduced prima
It fill Kij jn It Write tit PRICES.
55 t 57 FIRST ST., 81 5 FR1XCISC0
Powdered 93 1-100 Caustic Soda. .
Pore Caoatie Soda. Commercial Potaah, etc
Calrrrt'. Carbolic. Tor Bale by T. W. Jack
on - Co., Bole Agent, lot Karket St., San Fran
claoo. Tbe Ice-Cap of Greenland.
The asjiect of these lioundless wastes
rolling away in scarcely perceptible
undulations, and in the distance ming
ling the gray of their snows with the
gray of the skies, at first gave the im
pression that Greenland was a uniform
jdatean. a sort of horizontal table. The
iiclief now nremils that the rocky sur
face of the laud is, on the contrary,
carred into mountains and hills, val
leys and gorges, but that Hbe plastic
snows and ice bare gradually filled np
all the cavities, which now show only
in slight sinuosities ou the surface.
Allowing to tbe whole mass of the ice
cap an average thickness of 500 feet, it
would represent a total vol a me of
150,000 cubic miles. This sermer suak.
or -great ice," of tbe Greenlanrters
flows like asphalt or tar. with extreme
slowness, seaward, while the surface is
gradually leveled by the snow failing
during the course ut ages aod distri
buted by the winds. In the interior of
the couutry the surface of the ice and
snow is as smooth as if it were polished,
looking like the "the undisturbed sur
face of a frozen ocean, the long but
not high billows of which rolling from
east to west are not easily distinguish
able to the eye." Nevertheless, the ex
terior form of the ice-cap has been
greatly diversified, at least on its outer
edge.where iu many plnces it is difficult
to cross, or even quite impassable.
The action of lateral pressure, of -4ieat
produced by the tremendous friction,
of evaporation aod filtration, has often
brokeu the surface into innumerable
cones a few yards high, in form and
color resembling the tents of an en
campment. Popular Science Monthly.
Within The liawr.
"I want to Iks posted in de law," said
a colored woman who called at tbe
Gratiot Avenue Station the other day.
Well?" replied the Sargeant
"I've got a gal."
"An' she's got a beau."
Very likely."
I can't a bear him, an' I doan' want
him 'round de bouse. Wbatco'se shall
I take?"
"Have jou ever given him a hint?"
Lands, sah! but I jess tole him to
cl'ar out or I'd bust him to smash! I
reckon dat's a hint."
But be didn't go?"1
"No. sab. Now. den, I want to
know how fur I kin go an' keep widin
the law. I've talked to him, frowed
water on him.hit him wid a club, called
him names, made de dog bite him, au'
p' in ted a p stil at him. but be won't stay
away. , How much fnrder kin I go an
not break de law? Could I dun 6tan4
in derard an' mow him across de legs
wid an old scythe when be cum up In
deda'k? Could de pistil go off acci
dentally?" When advised to try peaceful meas
ures she indignantly responded:
- "Dat's what I did on the very go
off. I took him by the collar an' frowed
him ober de gate!" Detroit Free Press.
Shaking Hands.
The practice of hand-shaking is
probably carried to a greater extent
among English-speaking people than
elsewhere, and is nowhere so preva
lent as in this country. In fact, the
national custom has developed in some
of its applications to such an extent as
to have become a great annoyance to
public men, who are frequently re
quired to shake the hands of thousands
of people whom they have never seen
before and will never hear of again.
But this does not by any means apply
to the hearty, happy hand-clasp of
friends who thus sincerely express
their joy at meeting. There is indi
viduality in the hand-shake nothing
gives a better indication of character.
"I always take pains, on some pretext
or another," said a successful mer
chant, "to shake with every man with
whom I have business relations. I
like to repeat the process three or four
times on as many different days, and
if the impression is the same each day,
I am decided as to the the character of
man, and don't think I am mistaken
onoe in a hundred times. The man
who is one thing to-day and another
thing to-mcrrow with his hands, is the
samo in his business he can't be de
pended on." Good Housekeeping.
There Was a Tableau.
Hotel Clerk "Good morning, Col
onel; how did you sleep?"
Colonel "I did sleep some, I sup
pose, but I was awake most of the
night listening to the snoring of the
man in the next room. He is a good
one at it. He makes more noise than
a steam-whistle."
Another gentleman approaches.
Hotel Clerk "Good morning. Major;
how did you sleep?"
Major -"I got sleep occasionally
during the night, but there was a fel
low in the next room to me who snnmd
as if he was filling a contract to saw
M a a a m - ....
ioriy corus 01 wooa Deiore daylight.
At least, that's the way it sounded."
Colonel "That'a lust what T hart tA
listen to all night long. What is the
number of your roomr"
Maior "Number 22. Whnt'a tha
number of yours?1
Cklonel "And mine is nnmbe? 23."
Texas Siftings.
TkrixTVTi .:
Established nearly tt years. This college tn
cladee mure than Is offered by any other arbool
In America under one taitton fee. Changed tc
aolt the times. Fall Bustoeee Course, tor alz.
montha S7S. This Includes Shorthand, Type
wrtUnjr, Telegraphy, Blngie and Double Xatrj'
Bookkeeping, aa applied to all department of
business; Commercial Arithmetic, Burlae-a Pen
maaahlp. Mercantile Law, Bostaesa Correspond
ence, Lectures on Law, Bostneea Fonm, Actual
Bosineea Practice, BaUroadlng, Brokerage and
Banking; English Branches, Drawing and In
struction in French, German and Spanish- Send
for Circular.
E. P. U1LD, Pres. C 8. HALET. See
ECn-STES A:r r.-y . 1 :-k 13
Card Stock, Strsr aad Eisdem' Eoar4
Patent HacL tne mod e Bags.
612 to SIS F?cramen 3t- ' S Fsaussc
Saves lots of work. 10c a package or $SM a ease
of CO package. It is the bent yet and no mis
take. Beckets Blue if jou hare tried yon still
want it tor use or for sale, it leads them all. ft
ox, 40c lb. or $3.00 a oox of 8 pounds.
Empire Wringer never fails to give satisfaction
quality tbe same as l years ago, price reduced
toMca-h Cheaper wringers from i45 up.
Becker Washers for long use and aatiM&ctory
results prove the best S15 and $12. The Hum
boldt too Is sure to please fl.hQ.
Poor mans soap, foil weight, will lead all others
for laundry purposes, 16 5J per 100 lbs, SI. to pet
box. Over 1M grades ot soap in store, 0c box ur
8c7ply yourself with tbe above articles and
wash day will be the pleasantest day of the
whole week. Ton will smile, the children wil
laugh and the men folks will almost roar r J
deiight. They are aU to be had at
Store 418 Front SC, 8. P., Cal.
Ask tor full list of 5D30 articles.
1 0 nVVRAUe,
Ho Vacations. Bay and Evening Sessions. N
For further parttculrrs address
T. A. ROBUTSOK, M. -A, PresMemt.
Proteus Complete
409 WasMng-toa Si-, San Francisco.
required iu Neri;-r and Job Printing, and.
nany specialties not kept by otner houses.
Conner's 17. S. Type Ftwsndrv, Sew York,
Barnharf a Great Western Type Fonndry, Cbicago
tfagley Sewall CyUnders,
Coifs Armory Improved Fniversal Jabbers.
Thorp's Gordon Presse,
Eoenonue Paper Cutters,
Simons' Oases and Fornttare,
Gelding's Presses and Tools
Fedyvick Paper Joggem
, Keystone QuoIbs.
Pago's Wood yp
Inks, RoUera, Tablet Composition, t&.
rrBUSHxas or
Newspaper 011 the HOBS TLA TV,
Stereotype Newspaper Plates
Poison in a Pipe.
Few smokers fully realize the dan- -ger
of smoking new or improperly
cured Tobacco. The medical staff of
the German army discovered this was
a fruitful source of throat disease.
The subsistence department of the
U. S. Army hare adopted Seal of
Xorth Carolina Plug Cut as the Stand
ard Smoking Tobacco for the army.
Eeware of Imitations. The genuine
"Seal of North Carolina" costs you no
more than poisonous imita'ions.
Pulmonary Balsam
A Superior Remedy for all
Beadlly yield to its Healing Power.
i r- nr,srr h. w "
r . .