-TirjlXP HUMOR. Vt her up tenderly, Treat her with cure; - Hie banana peeled tripped her. And you know she ran t swear. I'uiladelphla Timet The glass filled to the brim at nlgh will fill the hat to the brim iathe mora ing. Yonkers Statesman Men's sins, it is said, always find then: cut.' That isn't so bad as if they found them in. Berkshire News. If men wore their hair as long as the women do it would not last a week after the wedding. Dallas Kews. Before you do anything: wicked, re member that the papers will propably wan to mention iu Atcnison uiobe. The nickel-in-the-slot machine nevet robs itself. When it is not working it keeps the nickel. A'exo Orkans IMca- yune. When a man is convinced that he owes anything to himself he is alwayf very anxious to pay it. Binghamton Hcpubucan. The poet s remark about "sermons in stones" recalls the lesson that David taught Goliath with a slung-shot Washington Post. "So your intended is really a beautv. eh?" "A beauty? lea, indeed. Why she even looks handsome in an amateur photograph." Indianapolis Journal. It is a sign tftat her husband is ruak log money when a woman begins to get the look on her face of looking at you without seeing you. Atchison Globe. Mrs. Fidgett "Going to church didn't improve your father's tempei any. tie came home like a wild beast." Dutiful Son "After his preyl" N. 11 Herald. The reason why they kill spring cnicKens is because tney are of no earthly use except in an ornamental way after they quit laying. Bingham ton Leader. "Did he whip him?" "Whip himP Why he knocked him into the middle of next week:" "Then, of course, he knocked him out of time." Philadel phia Times. There is a strong resemblance be tween the friend who oats you on the back in a quarrel and the man who says '-Sick 'em" to a dog in a tight. Atchison Globe. The man who howls loudest about the "equality of man" is invariably the man who is most firmly convinced that the world contains no one equal to mmseii. rttcJC There is no record of the Good ' 6amaritan distributing tracts. He made tracks, but they led in the direction of the man wno nact lallen by the way side. lexas btfitngs. After you have weighed your neigh bor in the balance drop a nickel of fairness in the slot of self-examination and ascertain vour own moral avoir dupois. Dover Sentinel. lont you think it extravagant. Henry, to pay 10 guineas for a diamond ring for your wife?" Not at all; you seem to xorget now mucn i snail save on her glove bill." Spare Moments, "Uncle Abe, what is your idea for naving me camp-meeting nem in an other place this year?" "Wal, sah, the chicken cholera been ragin pow'ful In de ole neighborhood.". Y. Herald. W is Ann "Fnlrrn Tn mtr rlatr 1 1 n firls wore one-buttoned gloves and resses buttoned up to the neck; now they wear one-buttoned dresses and gloves buttoned up to neck." y. Y. "I trust,1' said the love-lorn young man, "that the poem I sent you touched you, even if only a very little." "It did, it did," she murmured. "I made curl papers with it." Washing ton Post. A Lightning Interview: Reporter What is your candid opinion of the Emperor, Prince Bismarck?" Bis--roarck "Tor a Gotillion he vasO Gay. Vor a Cherman leadter he vas N Chee." The ipocA. Bliffers "Hello Whiffers! How goes ft? Still working for Harde Cash & Co.?" Whiffers "No. I'm in busi ness for myself now." "You don't say bo?" "Yes, I married an actress." A1 P. Weekly. League Manager (to applicant) What makes you think you wonld make a good pitcher? You 6ay you have never played ball." Applicant "I have worked in a tar factory all my life." Drakes Magazine. "Tom "So you did not propose to that dear girl last night, as you in tended to. Ah, my friend, I am afraid you were not tired by the divine spark of love." Dick "No. I was firea by her father." N. Y. Weekly. Wife "You dance a great deal bettei than you did when we were married. Then you always tore my dress in dancing, but you don't now." Hus band "Humph! Then I didn't have to pay for it." Texas Siftings. Jimmy -'Them two Jones boys if mighty luckv to be twins, ain't they?" Bob "Why?" Jimmy "They can keep up three or four different Sun-daj'-schools at the same time, and take in all the picnics and Christmas trees." - America. "Pa," said Willie, who had been reading the newspaper, "who are the sulphur refiners?" "I guess they are - the heterodox people," replied the old gentleman, who takes a great deal of interest in religious matters. Wash ington Post. The Rev. Dr. Rubitin "Picture re jected, eh? Ah, well, all that will be as nothing if you are -not rejected at ihe last great exibition the Judgment Day." Mahlstick (discontentedly) "Well, even if I'm not rejected, then I'll be skied." Backet. Father (who wouldn't give his daugh ter a new hat) "Good sermon, Sophv? - What was the text?" Daughter "I caunot remember the words exactly, dad, but something to the effect that "if jou have one spark of generosity in you water it well." Buffalo Express. Judge Peterby "Where is your son now?" Col. "Yerger "He is with Silverstone." "Isn't that the mer chant who has failed several times and been burned out a time or so?" "Yes, that's the man. I want my son to get a practical business education." Texai Siftings. ' '5C,here was a very interesting. thing liappeuea in tne House of Kepresenta . a t ,i . . i . . . . yes to-'' ay " saitt the chattv youth to cyung woman on whom he was ?y -is it,- sne inquired in a intone, "anything that von could tell without impropriety P'' Wash ington rem. But, my dear,"" said Frau Meyer to her husband in the . restaurant, "we have been here only a -narter of an hour, and already j-ou liae ordered three glasses of beer!" HJut yes, child, what do I pay such a tipMor if not to keep the waiters act ti"Vt?C I i Fliegende Blatter. Two mechanics visited the art gal- lerv a few days ago and stood before "4.he ADgei ,-(in silence lor a iew moments. -'TiUs a tine picture," said one; "that's the real thing." Aye, so it is," rejoined the other; "you can almost hear the thistle blow to quit work." Buffalo Courier. A fashion writer says that the person who is well shod, w'ell gloved, and whose headgear is what U should be is 'aTmrvs certain of consideration. It may be remarked with still greater ' tin th that the person who is "well- hpled" has a mortgage on the entire visible supply or that article. Detroit Free lYcss. Cholly Fashun (to Custom-Honse officer) "Now that you have dis covered those English clothes iu my trunk and examined them I should like to know how in time you found I was trying to smuggle them. How did you Know they were in my trunk?" Cus-tom-House Otllcer "They are so very loud that I heard them throbbing in side the trunk." Lawn nee American. PUNISHING ANIMALS. A New-England Do Tried and Hanged for Witchcraft. : In the middle ages the lower ani mals were frequently tried, convicted, and punished for various offenses, savs All the Year Bouttd. Mr. Baring-Gould has collected some curious cases of this kind. In 1266 a pig was burned at Fontaney-aux-Roses, near Paris for having eaten a child. In 13S6 a judge at Falaise condemned a sow to be mutilated and hanged for a similar of fense. Three years later a horse was sol emnly tried before the magistrate and condemned to death for having killed a man. During the fourteenth ccnturv oxen and cows might be legally killed when ever taken in the act of marauding.and asses, for a hrst offense, had one ear cropped; for a second offence the other ear, and if after this they were asses enough to commit a third offense their lives were made forfeit to tho crown. Criminal animals frequently expiated their offenses, like other malefactors, on the gallows, but subsequently they were summarily killed without trial, and their owners mulcted in heavy damages. In the fifteen century it was popu larly believed that cocks were inti mately associated with witches, and they were somewhat credited with tho power of laying accursed eggs, from which sprang winged serpents. In 1474 at Bale a cock was publicly ac cused of having laid one of the dread ful eggs. He was tried, sentenced to death, and, together with the egg. was burned by the executioner in the market-place amid a great concourse of people. In 1694, during the witch perse cutions in New England, a dog ex hibited such strange symptoms of affliction that he was believed to have been ridden by a warlock and he was accordingly hanged. Snails, flies, mice, ants, caterpillars, and other ob noxious creatures have been similarly proceeded against mostly in ecclesias tical courts. And, stranger still, in animate objects have suffered the same fate. In 1685, when the Protestant chapel at Rochelle was condemned to be de molished, the bell was publicly whip ped for having assisted heretics with its tongue. After being whipped it was catechized, compelled to recant, and then baptized and hung up in a Roman Catholic place of worship. Probably similar absurdities , may have been penetrated in our own country, for it must berememterd that only in the preseut reign was the law repealed which made a cart-wheel, a tree, or a beast which had killed a man forfeit to the state for the benefit of the poor. It had been said that punishment is not likely to be effica cious unless it swiftly follows the offense. This was improved on by a Barbary Turk, who, whenever he bought a fresh Christian slave, had him hung up by the heels and bastina doed, on the principle, it is supposed though the application is decidedly singular that prevention is better than cure. The Sex Are Queer. There were four passengers who got off at a country junction to wait two hours for the train on the other line two men and two women. None had ever seen each other before. The sta tion was a little better than a barn, with no house nearer than a quarter of a mile. The women gave each other a look and entered the waiting room, where they sat down as far apart as possible. "Well, old boy," remarked the strange man to me, "have asmoke?" "Yon bet." And in five minutes we were well acquainted, and playing euchre under the shadow of a box-car. He didn't take me tor a thief, and I never sus pected him of being a murderer, and the two hours went by in a hurry. Not so in the depot, however. For the first half hour the two women glared at each other. Neither would speak first. Each was afraid of the other. One looked out into the turnip field and the other into a swamp. Now and then one or the other mustered up courage to approach the door and look out, but always to return to her seat again. Only one had a watch. She consulted it every five minutes, but the other dare not ask what time it was. As an offset, however, a wooden pail, half full of warm water, stood near her, and though the other lady was dying for a drink she dared not go over to the pail. One had a novel and the other had a bundle of shells andj curiosities, and they could have chatted and visited and read and had a good time. But they dared not. They had not been introduced. What an awful, awful thing if they had spoken and acted civilized, and then one had found out that the other was only a hired girl. Chicago Journal. Discovery of Anthracite. The proposition to erect a monu ment to Philip Ginder, who discovered anthracite coal on Summit hill. Car bon county, in 1791, has given rise to a number of claims for the honor of discovering coal inPennsylvania. The Wyoming valley people claim that an thracite was known in that section of the state as early as 1756. There is a tradition that hard coal was burned in the Valley Forge about the time of the French and Indian war. Neverthe less the Mauch Chunk promoters of the Ginder celebration refuse to be turned aside from their plans. They point with pride to the fact that the Lehigh Valley Coal-Mining company began practicing mining in Carbon county in 1792. in immediate conse quence of Ginder's discovery, and it was only then that the possible im portance of coal as a fuel began to be appreciated. They claim, therefore, that Ginder is entitled to a monument, and they propose that he shall have one, on the just grounds that the dis covery of anthracite is not the indi vidual who knew that the ground con tained black stones without knowing their use, but he whose discovery led to the use of coal as fuel. Ginder seems to be as much deserv ing of the honor of being called the discoverer of anthracite coal in Penn sylvania as Fulton is of being called the inventor of a steamboat, or Isaac Anrfrstn ilia rl icnnt'n.a. i I CTn .... r. I 1 luu lifts motuicnii ui uiucicuilnl gjjjgQju or R0Dert Koikes the founder ' Sunday-schools. Clock Renting. Rentjjjg clocks is a new business in New HHen.-Over 1,800 clocks of this kind ha"been placud already in that city at a rOal of J5 cents a month. In some casbhere the lime of opera Lives in a facto demands careful ad justment an empl.je ot tbe company visits the place dailynd reuiates the clock so far as be c.sarv--Ordi narily tne ciocks are V,,-,,,;. in sir days, and tbe compk K ujs to mat. DARK. Hew a Ktniil City Pawnbroker 900 In a Shady War. Cleared A devious individual not long ago presided over a pawnshop on Main street". His name was not Schmeltz, bttt that name will answer a9 well as any other In this truthful chronicle. When trade was dull and lime hung heavy on' his hands many were his ways to trap the shy and restless dol lar. One day a man like himself, a He brew, who maintained a second-hand store In - the Bottoms, told him that very often men came to him with watches and other jwelry for sale and that he hesitated about buying, ns he was no judge of such articles. He wanted to arrange with Schmeltx to bring the articles to him for his opin ion as to their value. "All right," said Schmeltx. "if a man brings you a watch tell him 3-ou'll show it to me for my opinion and aft erward give him what it' is worth." Theu Schmeltz evolved a brilliant business idea. The next morning, se lecting a watch worth perhaps 10 and of a kind of which he had about a peck, he sent a strauger to sell it to his friend. The stranger wanted $20, but made no objection to the Bottoms dealer taking it to his "friend for his opinion." "ami agreed to return it in the afternoon. When Schmeltz was showed the watch he told the other that it was worth $40. "Ill II give $20 apiece for all I can get of em, said Sohimdtz. "Ask him if he has any more. If he has. you get them if you can for $17 or 18 apiece and I'll pay you $20 for every one a the lot. Take a hu idred of 'em if he's got 'em." Going back, the Bottoms merchant made inquiries and found that his cus tomer had about forty watches alto gether the same beiug furnished by the intelligent Schmeltz and after a little haggling he purchased the lot at f IS a watch. He mit his wife in charge f the shop aud Slurried to Schmeltz with his prizes. "Those are alt right." said Schmeltz, as he" carefully looked over the time pieces, "and I'll give $20 each for 'em; but there's one thing 1 must see about. Since you were here, two detectives have been in aud report a large num ber of watches stolen. I don't want to burn my fingers with these, if they are the ones. I've taken the numbers from the officers and we'll them with these." compare So Schmeltz produced a list of num bers, and. to the horror of the Bottoms lealer, they exactly compared with those oi nis purchases, eu with terror and He was strick- asked Sch melts what course to take. "I wouldn't care to say." said Schmeltz. "I don't want any peni tentiary in mine for fooling "in any way with stolen property. 1 don't see how you cau get out of it, as the de tectives are 'dead sure' to 'turn them up.'" This reduced the other to an abject state. At last Schmeltz professed to take pity on him. He reflected that he had very good standing with the police and might g.-t rid of the stuff, although he ran great risk. As a favor to his friend, he would take them and pay $5 a watch for them. The victim joyfully acceded aud Schmeltz paid him $200, cleariug in the neighborhood of $300 by the enterprise. The Art of Sweeping. In sweeping, take bng light strokes, and do not nse too heavy a broom. "Alice." said Lois, "do 3-011 honestly think sweeping is harder exercise than playing tennis?" I hesitated. "I really don't know. One never thinks of hard or easy in tennis, the game is so interesting; and then it's out-door exercise, and there's no danger of inhaling dust." "Well, for my part," said Marjorie, "I like doing work that tells. There is so much satisfaction in seeing the figures in the carpet come out bright ly under the broom! Alice, what did you do to make your reception-room so splendiferous? Girls look here! You'd think this carpet had just come out of the warehouse." "Mother often tells Aunt Hetty," said I, "to dip the end of the broom in a pail of water in which , she has pour ed a little ammonia a teaspoonful to a gallon. The ammonia takes off the dust, and refreshes the colors wonder fully. We couldn't keep house with out it," I finished rather proudly. "Did vou bring some from home?" asked Afarjorie. looking hurt. "Why, of course not! I asked your mother, and she gave me the bottle, and told me to take what I wanted." A little coarse salt or some damp tea leaves strewed over a carpet before sweeping add case to the cleansing process," said Mrs. Downing, appear ing on the scene and praising us for our thoroughness. "The reason is that both the salt and tea leaves being moist keep down the light floating dust, which gives more trouble than the heavier dirt. But now you will all be better for a short rest; so come into my little snuggery, and have a gossip and a lunch, aud then you may attack the enemy again." Harper's Young People. Oysters for Dessert. Did you ever hear of oysters for dessert? I mod to know a bon vivant who never eat them except after din ner. He boarded for many years at one of the famous hotels in this city, and during the oyster seasou every year, as soon as he had finished his dinner in the salle a manger, he used to walk directly to the oyster counter on the ground floor and eat a dozen blue points on the half shell which the watchful attendant always had selected for him. This experienced epicure scorned to begin a meal with oysters. "What!" he would saj', "put cold bivalves on an empty stomach? Such a practice must ruin digestion. Begin your meal with warm soup, which gently stimulates the stomach and gives it a tone. When you are through with a hearty meal your stomach craves something cooling. It should be gratified. Not with a viand hard to digest, but one which dissolves easily with the heat of the stomach, imposing no labor upou the digestive faculties. Oysters are just the thiug cooling, of delicious flavor, refreshing; they settle the appetite and make the whole 833 tem feel at ease. They are the scien tific climax to a banquet, and the man that does not know it is not a finished epicure." The old gentleman proved that 03sters after dinner were healthy, anyway, for he lived to be more than fourscore and kept up his practice to the last. N. Y. Star. Italians in Buenos 'Ayres. Two hundred thousand Italians are now living in Bn.-nos Ayres. From time to time the native inhabitants speculate 011 the events which might arise in case these 200.000 strangers should undertake to assert their nation ality, and take posssiou of the city. Electric Railways. The latest and most trustworthy sta tistics show that there are in operation in this country and in the course of construction at the present time no fewer than 179 electric railwaj-s, ope rating 1,884 cars, with 1.260 miles of track. The number of passengers carried annually it would be difficult to estimate, but'it cau not be farJrom 100,000.000. A TRICK THAT WAS TAMING A FLOCK OF QUAILS, fi Buckwheat and Uradual Adraami quer the Wlldoeu of the ltirda. I Several weeks ago Mrs. D. N. SnvtH of Jefferson township saw a lot of quails dusting themselves under some currant bushes iu the back end of bcr garden, says the Scranton, Pa., corre spondent of the N. Y. Sun. The birds looked so happy and contented thai she thought it would be too bad to dis turb them, so she returned to the house without, pulliug the weeds out of a patch of onions that she had gone there for the purpose of doing. In an hour or so the quails had.disappearcd in the tall timothy of the adjoining meadow, and Mrs. Snyder scattered some buckwheat around where they had been wallowing. On the follow ing day the birds came there again, gobbled up the buckwheat, and had a good time. Every day for a1 week or so Mrs. Snyder scattered grain among the bushes for the quails to feed on, and the birds soon got so that they looked for food in the gnrdeu as regu larly as they did for a resting place at night out in the woods, back of the big meadow lot. One morning the kind-hearted woman forgot to throw the buckwheat, but the quails reminded her of her negligenco by appearing at the usual hour and making a great fuss and noise because there wasn't any grain in the garden for them to pieli up. Mrs. Snyder let the birds hunt for other kinds of food that day. and for several mornings after that she didn't fail to give them a good feed of buckwheat. Then she missed a morning on purpose to see how the quails would act when they didn't find any grain near the currant bushes, watching from a second-story window for them to nake their ap pearance. Promptly on time the whole flock crept under the garden fence from the meadow, ran among the bushes, and began to dodge and flutter about where they had been iu the habit of finding the buckwheat. When they had searched long enough to learn that no grain had been put there for them the birds piped in low tones, fluttered un easily, scattered into the vegetable bedsT and appeared to be very much disappointed. In a little while the quails gave up the search, assembled under the currant bushes, and went to dusting themselves in the soil. Mrs. Snj-der counted fourteen in the flock, and theu she went down-stairs, got a basinful of buckwheat, and tiptoed her way into the garden. When she had got as near to the quails as she could without scaring them Mrs. Snyder flung a handful of buckwheat toward tbe quiet little flock. It fell among I them and they all scampered under the fence anil went out of sight in a hnrry. Then she threw some more of the grain on the ground where they had been and secreted herself behind a row of peavines. Preseutly one of the birds ventured to crawl under the fence into the garden. It soon found the buckwheat, and set to tilling its crop, and at this the other birds toek courage, filed from their hiding places, and went to picking up the graiu as though each was determined to get its share. From her place of concealment Mrs. Snyder flung a handful of buckwheat into the air so that it fell into the midst of the flock. It scared the birds a lit tle, but thev quickly resumed their feeding, and Airs. Snyder began to whistle to them, flinging more graiu into the air as she whistled. That ex cited their curiosity just enough to make them look np for a moment, aud Mrs. Suyder emptied the basin and stole awav without letting the birds see her. She fed the quails in tlii way for a few days, gradually got them used to her w histle and voice, and let them get sight of her l3- degrees. In side of a month from the time s!ie first saw the birds in ti' garden she had them o well lamed that ti.ey fluttered out of the meadow whenever she called them, ate io h-r preseuve, ami did not seem to fear her at all. Siuce theu Mrs. Snyder has taken a good deal of comfort "with her strange' little flock, and she said the other la- that the confidence the birds have in her pays her many times over for all the trouble she has made herself la geiiing the wiid little creatures to be us tame as they are. A Bride Who Was Coy. At a small station on the Georgia Pacific road a bridal couple boarded our train. They were of the "cracker" variet3r and their greenness at once at tracted attention. They had tickets for Atlanta aud were" going on a "tour." The3- hadn't been on the train ten minutes when the bride was noticed to be weeping, and pretty soon the groom came back to where I sat with the conductor, and said: "Conductor. I wish you'un would go'n speak to Marv." "What's the matter with Mary?" was asked. "She'un's a-weepin' fur her ma. Says she'un wants to go right back home." "She'll get over it," said the official, and the groom returned to his seat. It wasn't over ten minutes, however, be fore he returned to say: "Conductor.' she'uns a'takin' on like smoke. Says she can't abide to be mar'd, nohow, and her wishes her dun hadn't done it." "Well, she'll have to make the best of it," replied the conductor, and the groom returned to console her. She turned away from him, however, and pretty soon he was back to say: "Conductor, she'un declar's she'll go home to ma on foot. I never dun see anybody so onery." "Wasn't it a marriage for love?" "Your shoutiu' it was! We'uns hey dun laved for mighty nigh three 3-'ars." "I guess she's a little coy. Tnat will all wear off in time." The groom went to the rear of tho car after a drink of water and just then the train stopped at a station. The bride was up and out on the platform like a flash, and the car had not ceased its motion when she leaped to the ground, fell head over heels, and scrambled up and started back up the track on a run. The groom rushed out of the car and jumped to the plat form, and as he caught sight of his fleeing bride he turned to the conduc tor and said: "Dog-gone her, she'un's pnttin" in her best licks to git back to ma, and I've got to foilerT You'uu dun said she'un was coy, and I dun depended on you and let her git away! C03-! coyl Whv, she'un's got my fo'teen dollars an"' is runuiu' like a skeared rabbit!" N. Y. Sun. Instructions to the New Messenger. He was a new messenger boy un taught in the practices and ethics of his chosen profession. He was being broken in by the veteran in the busi ness, the boy who had his particular line of work so well in hand that he could use up any required amount of time in passing a given point The two were going up a stairway when they were observed. The small boy, the inexperieuced one. started up on a run. With a look of iutense disgust No. 2 restrained him and gave him the following business advice: "Aw, wot yer hustliu' that way for? You just want to fall upstairs, "like this. See?" And he proceeded to give a correct Imitation of a mau 90 years old "fall ing" np-stairs. There are seven millionaire editors la New York. (aroliut aud let. nessee. Thirty thousand dollars a month is paid out for lottery tickets in Key West, Fla. N j The whole world's1 produce of salt per annum Is 7.300.000 tons. England produces the most. Mrs. Eunice J. Jose, a ninety-oue (ear-old Saco. Me., woman, is cutting icr third set of teeth. ,.111.., iiorth The aggregate debt of all the col onies of Australia is $215 per head of tho population, or $(i8.000.000. Tomatoes are eaten in London for biliousness. They; are proposed also as a remedy for chronic throat troubles. . Tho father of a family was seen lately bearing eight overshoes of as sorted size "nested" like Chinese puz zle boxes. Fish Commissioner Stanley, of Maine, believes that there is more than enough gold at Swift River, Me., to pay for the digging. There is an unclaimed letter in tho Grass Vullej-, Cal., post office for Mr. I. You. hog merchant. Mr. I. You is probably a Chinaman. A boy at Nevada Citv. Cal., catches lizards with a hook baited with flics. He throws his line on the rocks and the reptiles spring eagerly for the fly. A bell, cast recently for the Kharkow Cathedral, contains 68 percent of pure silver. It weighs 646 English pounds, and its vibrations last several minutes. A vicious stallion at Rochester. Ind., bit its owner in the shoulder, then at tacked a passing dairyman, and finished up by biting off the ear of the lalter's horse. The export of canaries from Ger many is very large. Every year about 130,000 of these birds arcseut to Amer ica. 3.000 to England and about 2.000 to Russia. A single orange tree in Florida has been known to U-ar 8.000 oranges in a year. Such a yield is excessive, as n grove that will vjeld 1,500 to the tree is considered excellent. It appears that the great majority of pcrsous committing suicide in Japan are over fifty years of age. Next on the list come persons between twentv and thirty years of age. Now that it U decided that the mos quito can transmit yellow fever and malaria by the puncture with his little bill, society will wage a more deadlv war than ever upon him. The largest reservoir or artificial tank in the world is the great tank of Dhetar, twenty miles southeast of Udaipnr. in India. It covers an area of twenty-oue square miles. Ninety years ago Mr. Palmer, an actor, fell dead on the Liverool stage. The moment before his death he had exclaimed. "O God. O God, there is another and a better world." The Primrose League of England is Hearing the millionth member. When the returns were made up at the close of last month the registered members numbered 939,180, and tbe habitations 2.103. It is told of a youug man in Han cock. Me., that, though he goes to nieetiugs, parties and other gatherings, he has never been known to speak to anybqdy, but his parents. No reason is assigned for his silence. A sycamore tree near Newtown, Conn., is said to be 85 feet high and 21 feet iu diameter, while its branches shade an area extending 80 feet from the trunk. It produces large and abuudant white blossoms. A bill will be introduced into parlia ment next season which proposes to restrict the public performances of hypnotic experiments. According to medical testimony much harm is done by amateurs dabbling in this science. The Chinamen of New York have j,iven to their joss, at 16 Mott street, a nlalion is a punishment which should be reserved for males. The islaud of Tristan, iu the south Atlantic, is inhabited by eighty people, the patriarch of the part v. Peter Green, a veritable Robinsou Crusoe, having been there for fifty-two years. He has just sent a letter complaining that some of bis grown-up children show a desire to leave their lovely island home. Tlje religion of Dahomeyland is to the effect that any soldier killed while new umbrella, which they had brought over from China. It is covered with dragons and other monsters with glit tering eyes, aud is said to have cost $100. I. N. Blankinship, of Marion. Mass., has a clock whic!i was made in 1732. The works are of brass, and the clock keeps as good time us it did when it was made, 158 years ago, but the ac counts varr as to tho kind of time it kept in 173"2. The population of the Dominion of Canada, according to the census of 1881. was 4.324.800. a id it is estimated that by 1891 the ;nn s will have in creased to 5,270,377. Preparations are in active progress for taking the cen sus of next 3-ear. The "Old Witch II..1-0." in Salem, Mass., is still standing, j ist as in the days of Hawthorne, an I h a sort of grim wooing of circumstauce, almost opposite it there is. on a door, a sign which reads like this: "Clairvoyant nd Business Medium." Iu Austria the hangman is a man named Seigfricd. who wears a black uniform, with a cocked hat aud white gloves. He has never had to hang a woman, for the emperor thinks Rtrau;'. gmiug wnuo liiuu goes straight lo eaveu to become a handsome 3-oung man of twenty-live, who is provided hh fifteen beautiful wives and all the mmi; he can eat for 1,000 years. Un- !cr this belief hundreds of them do tneir best to get killed. Miss Elizabeth Miles, of Colera, Ala., is the victim of a remarkable delusion. She imagines that she is Mrs. Grover Cleveland and that her husband is still president. Miss Miles met Mrs. Cleveland three j-cars ago and became attached to her. She fell from her horse a 3"ear ago, since which time she has been possessed of the hal luciuatiou. A new "cure" has been iuvented in Germany, which may be adopted as a greater novelt3- than'the mind cure or the faith cure. Its basis is the harden ing of the human organism, which hut been disastrously enl ehlud bv- civiliza tion. The patients imitate the nuble savage and the gypsy, and the system includes going barefoot as ouo part of tho cure. OneGcrman parish contains 1,400 patients. Colonel Webb, of Chester, N. J., is in the ninetieth year ot his age. Ho cau stand upon a chair, bend back ward, touch his head upou the floor aud rise up again without the aid of his hands. Ho goes 'fishing nearly every laj- in the Black river, stands in tbe water up to his' knees from morn ing until night, and ofttimes lands as many as fifty cattish u tlay. Who of that age can beat this record? A sweet girl graduate, sa3-s an cx change, thus described tho manner iu which a goat butted a boy out of the front yard: "He hurled the previous eud of his anatomy against the boy's afterward with an earnestness nud velocity which, backed by the ponder osity of the goat's avoirdupois, iiu narted a momentum thatvwas not re- - k -juris- . ' ') "i.-pst expensive coffee s Might to this market comes from Blue Mountain, Jamaica. The whole product of the region is small, and only a few thousand bags reach New York. It is us ually bought by Delniuntco at a very high figure. At the same time the Dcl monico coffee docs not contribute to the restaurant's reputation. Quite as good coffee is served at half a dozen less famous places. A BAQY AND HENRY CLAY. One of Ihe brightest of tho new United Statt-s senators is Nathan Fel lows Dixon of Rhode Island, a bright eyed, dark-faced man 43 years of age. pays F. G. Carpenter iu "Wide-Awake. He comes from ' a line of statesmen. His grandfather was iu ihe senate when John Tyler was president, and his father bro'ught him here as a 3-year-old baby during his first con gressional term in 18 U and 1850. Sen ator Dixon stopped with his father at this time at tho National hotel, and young as he was he is able to remem ber some of the incidents of this part of his life. Henry Clay was stopping at the same hotel mid he was verv fond of children. Senator Dixou saj's he distinctly rejjiemljcrs one ilav going down the steps and meeting Henry Clay coming up. The great Kent tick Ian grasped the Rhode Island baby by the arms and lifted him up to his face. Little Dixon yelled out: "Let me go!" Mr. Clay, however, putting his arms around tho boy and holding him to his breast said: "I can't do that because I want to kiss you. and 1 wonder if 3011 know who I am." "Yes. I know," said the boy, "but I want to go." "Well. hoam I?' said Clay. "Oh." sa'd young Dixon, "you are Milter Harry Clay. Now let me go." With this the great statesman kissed the boy. gave a hearty laugh with his big mouth, nnd put him down. From that tinm on li ihv Dixon and Senator Clay continued their acquaint ance, aod Bab3" Dixon often came into Senator Clay's rooms and uas made much of by the senator. One dav, however, he uas present when Henry Clay had some important callers. He hud no time to talk lo Baby Dixon and he took li tin from his knee, placed him upon his feet, and said: "Now. Nale3", run dowu-tdairs to your mam ma." The future senator was rather in dignant at this treatment, and be slammed tiie door heartily as he staiucd out. Senator Clay told the story a number of times afterward. He said he could hear little Nathan's footsteps ns he went down the stairs. At first Ids tread was loud and boister ous. As he went toward the bottom It grew fainter and fainter, aud at last the noise stopped. A moment later be heard the little feet pattering back again, and a gentle kuock was made upon the door. Henry Clay called out: "Come in, sir!" The door opened and little Nathan Dixon's pretty face looked in and his cherry lips voiced forth the words: "My lore to you. Mr. Clay!" With this he turned and ran down the stairs to his mother. He had evi dently appreciated that his action in slamming the door and leaving the room was ungentlemanly. and though only a boy of 3 years he had repented before he had reached the foot of the stairs and hurried back to make bis baby apology. Senator Dixon told this storv in con rersation the other day, and he ought not to object to seeing it in print, as it is certainly complimentary to him. cxoeeinjr swollen niter in Andes. Xne "After examining the works of the line in the vicinity of Pnnta Negra, where I overtook the paymaster. Don Carlos. I started off in his company to the next camp of Vermejito. which if 2100 metres above the level of the sea. Here we Fpeut the night; and the next morning, after admiring the grand black basaltic rocks that render the scenert- in these parts all the more dis mally impressive, we started, together with two of the engineers of the camp, who volunteered to - see us safely across the It:o Blanco, which was re ported to be daugeronsly swollen. When we reached the bottom of the deep ravine through which this torrent flows, we found the report to be only too true. Tne water, white as milk, was foaming and dashing over a part of the narrow plauks which had been anchored across the stream below the best fording-place. After working an hour at the risk of their lives, the two v oung engineers, who were as agile as goats one was a Swede aud the other an Italian succeeded in raising one of the plauks a font, so that it could be crossed with comparative safety, the dash of the water over it remaining only about six inches. The human ( lenient of the party then felt reas sured: but how would the mules get over? The "arrieros" were in a state o great agitation, and the paymaster was anxious about the thousands of dollar that he had in his money bags. How ever, every man lent "a band. - The mules were unloaded, and, with the aid of cries aud whirling lassos, they were driven into the turbulent torrent, aud waded or swam across bravely, one only getting carried away for a few minutes, nnd losing a big piece of his flesh against a sharp bowlder. The next thing was to cany over the bag gage and saddles. A lasso was flung across the stream, and held on one sit!" by the two engineers, nnd on the other by Ihe "vigilante." or gendarme, who accompanied the paymaster, "to pre vent him ruuiiing away with the com pany's mouey." as we used laughingly to tell him. This taut cord served as a hand-rail, along the narrow plauk. and by means of repealed journeys, and with incessant risk, tho baggage was finally all carried over, the mules loaded ami saddled, and the journe rcsumed, Don Cuius and his part leaving me behind, for they were wei'l mounted on strong horses. Theodore Child, in Jlnrncr's M-tannine.. Killing and Cooking a Turtle, "I was surprised to learu the other day," said Charlie Si hweickardt. "that very few persons not engaged in the restaurant busiuess know how a turtle is killed and prepared for the souu. Please enlighten mankind by telling them that a turtle is killed bv cutting its head off. You know.th.it at the least sign of danger' the turtle will draw his head into his shell, and then you have to resort cither to strategy or brutality to make him put out his head again. This object may be accom plished by.hauging the turtle by the tail. This will cause his head to drop down and then a sharp knife will do the rest of the work. Some people have an idea that the turtle as soon as he is killed is thrown right into the pot and boiled into soup. When the turtle is dead the breastplate is sawed in two and an opening to insert the scouring knife is made. "Then the ex pert deftly curves the knife iu such a manner as to remove the back plate without taking a particle of meat with l. The entrails are secured and then the real body of the turtle is put in the pot and the vegetables ami other accessories added with hot water. Then let it boil aod you will soon have good turtle soup." "St. Louis Republic ATT TQYk. - 55 AND 57 FIRST ST. Read-carts, Buggies, Spring Wag ons, Mowers, Binders, Feed Cntters, Pumps, Etc, - WE CARRT A LIEGE TARIETY Bagfftoa, Carrtacea and Sprlngr Wagou ui an uract tired EXPKESSLf for the I'aclflc Coavt Trad Write for Special Catalogue. Wa bars mad arrangements to uandla tbe illed Plows. and will dispose of our stock ot GALE PLOWS at reduced prima It fill Kij jn It Write tit PRICES. ALLISON, NEFF & CO., 55 t 57 FIRST ST., 81 5 FR1XCISC0 TREE "WASH. Powdered 93 1-100 Caustic Soda. . Pore Caoatie Soda. Commercial Potaah, etc SHEEP WASH. Calrrrt'. Carbolic. Tor Bale by T. W. Jack on - Co., Bole Agent, lot Karket St., San Fran claoo. Tbe Ice-Cap of Greenland. The asjiect of these lioundless wastes rolling away in scarcely perceptible undulations, and in the distance ming ling the gray of their snows with the gray of the skies, at first gave the im pression that Greenland was a uniform jdatean. a sort of horizontal table. The iiclief now nremils that the rocky sur face of the laud is, on the contrary, carred into mountains and hills, val leys and gorges, but that Hbe plastic snows and ice bare gradually filled np all the cavities, which now show only in slight sinuosities ou the surface. Allowing to tbe whole mass of the ice cap an average thickness of 500 feet, it would represent a total vol a me of 150,000 cubic miles. This sermer suak. or -great ice," of tbe Greenlanrters flows like asphalt or tar. with extreme slowness, seaward, while the surface is gradually leveled by the snow failing during the course ut ages aod distri buted by the winds. In the interior of the couutry the surface of the ice and snow is as smooth as if it were polished, looking like the "the undisturbed sur face of a frozen ocean, the long but not high billows of which rolling from east to west are not easily distinguish able to the eye." Nevertheless, the ex terior form of the ice-cap has been greatly diversified, at least on its outer edge.where iu many plnces it is difficult to cross, or even quite impassable. The action of lateral pressure, of -4ieat produced by the tremendous friction, of evaporation aod filtration, has often brokeu the surface into innumerable cones a few yards high, in form and color resembling the tents of an en campment. Popular Science Monthly. Within The liawr. "I want to Iks posted in de law," said a colored woman who called at tbe Gratiot Avenue Station the other day. Well?" replied the Sargeant "I've got a gal." Yes." "An' she's got a beau." Very likely." I can't a bear him, an' I doan' want him 'round de bouse. Wbatco'se shall I take?" "Have jou ever given him a hint?" Lands, sah! but I jess tole him to cl'ar out or I'd bust him to smash! I reckon dat's a hint." But be didn't go?"1 "No. sab. Now. den, I want to know how fur I kin go an' keep widin the law. I've talked to him, frowed water on him.hit him wid a club, called him names, made de dog bite him, au' p' in ted a p stil at him. but be won't stay away. , How much fnrder kin I go an not break de law? Could I dun 6tan4 in derard an' mow him across de legs wid an old scythe when be cum up In deda'k? Could de pistil go off acci dentally?" When advised to try peaceful meas ures she indignantly responded: - "Dat's what I did on the very go off. I took him by the collar an' frowed him ober de gate!" Detroit Free Press. Shaking Hands. The practice of hand-shaking is probably carried to a greater extent among English-speaking people than elsewhere, and is nowhere so preva lent as in this country. In fact, the national custom has developed in some of its applications to such an extent as to have become a great annoyance to public men, who are frequently re quired to shake the hands of thousands of people whom they have never seen before and will never hear of again. But this does not by any means apply to the hearty, happy hand-clasp of friends who thus sincerely express their joy at meeting. There is indi viduality in the hand-shake nothing gives a better indication of character. "I always take pains, on some pretext or another," said a successful mer chant, "to shake with every man with whom I have business relations. I like to repeat the process three or four times on as many different days, and if the impression is the same each day, I am decided as to the the character of man, and don't think I am mistaken onoe in a hundred times. The man who is one thing to-day and another thing to-mcrrow with his hands, is the samo in his business he can't be de pended on." Good Housekeeping. There Was a Tableau. Hotel Clerk "Good morning, Col onel; how did you sleep?" Colonel "I did sleep some, I sup pose, but I was awake most of the night listening to the snoring of the man in the next room. He is a good one at it. He makes more noise than a steam-whistle." Another gentleman approaches. Hotel Clerk "Good morning. Major; how did you sleep?" Major -"I got sleep occasionally during the night, but there was a fel low in the next room to me who snnmd as if he was filling a contract to saw M a a a m - .... ioriy corus 01 wooa Deiore daylight. At least, that's the way it sounded." Colonel "That'a lust what T hart tA listen to all night long. What is the number of your roomr" Maior "Number 22. Whnt'a tha number of yours?1 Cklonel "And mine is nnmbe? 23." Texas Siftings. TkrixTVTi .: 8AK FBA BUSINESS COLLEGE, - POST STREET, SAjf FKAXCISCQ, CAL Established nearly tt years. This college tn cladee mure than Is offered by any other arbool In America under one taitton fee. Changed tc aolt the times. Fall Bustoeee Course, tor alz. montha S7S. This Includes Shorthand, Type wrtUnjr, Telegraphy, Blngie and Double Xatrj' Bookkeeping, aa applied to all department of business; Commercial Arithmetic, Burlae-a Pen maaahlp. Mercantile Law, Bostaesa Correspond ence, Lectures on Law, Bostneea Fonm, Actual Bosineea Practice, BaUroadlng, Brokerage and Banking; English Branches, Drawing and In struction in French, German and Spanish- Send for Circular. E. P. U1LD, Pres. C 8. HALET. See BLAEE, liCFPXT? & TOYfrE ECn-STES A:r r.-y . 1 :-k 13 BOOK, NEWS, rSITI0 AND WRAPPING PAPE PI 3 Card Stock, Strsr aad Eisdem' Eoar4 Patent HacL tne mod e Bags. 612 to SIS F?cramen 3t- ' S Fsaussc ELECTRIC LUSTRE STARCH Saves lots of work. 10c a package or $SM a ease of CO package. It is the bent yet and no mis take. Beckets Blue if jou hare tried yon still want it tor use or for sale, it leads them all. ft ox, 40c lb. or $3.00 a oox of 8 pounds. Empire Wringer never fails to give satisfaction quality tbe same as l years ago, price reduced toMca-h Cheaper wringers from i45 up. Becker Washers for long use and aatiM&ctory results prove the best S15 and $12. The Hum boldt too Is sure to please fl.hQ. Poor mans soap, foil weight, will lead all others for laundry purposes, 16 5J per 100 lbs, SI. to pet box. Over 1M grades ot soap in store, 0c box ur 8c7ply yourself with tbe above articles and wash day will be the pleasantest day of the whole week. Ton will smile, the children wil laugh and the men folks will almost roar r J deiight. They are aU to be had at SMITH'S CASH STORE, Store 418 Front SC, 8. P., Cal. Ask tor full list of 5D30 articles. BOOKKEEPING, SHORTHAND, TELEG RATH ESGUSS BB15CHES, ETC IT 1 0 nVVRAUe, mtsm LIFE SCHOLARSHIPS, - $75 Ho Vacations. Bay and Evening Sessions. N LADIES ADMITTED INTO ALL DEPABTiiEIfT,!" r For further parttculrrs address T. A. ROBUTSOK, M. -A, PresMemt. PACTJOTO STATES Proteus Complete SUPPLY HOUSE. HAWKS l GHATTUOK 409 WasMng-toa Si-, San Francisco. AKSOUCS A n-T.t. PTOCK F EVEBYTHTKO required iu Neri;-r and Job Printing, and. nany specialties not kept by otner houses. PAOUIO OOASi AOEXTS TOR Conner's 17. S. Type Ftwsndrv, Sew York, Barnharf a Great Western Type Fonndry, Cbicago tfagley Sewall CyUnders, Coifs Armory Improved Fniversal Jabbers. Thorp's Gordon Presse, Eoenonue Paper Cutters, Simons' Oases and Fornttare, Gelding's Presses and Tools Fedyvick Paper Joggem , Keystone QuoIbs. Pago's Wood yp Inks, RoUera, Tablet Composition, t&. rrBUSHxas or Newspaper 011 the HOBS TLA TV, XAJtCFAGTUBXXS OI Stereotype Newspaper Plates BOOXBHTDFUS AND ENGRAVERS' 8T7FPLIE8 Poison in a Pipe. Few smokers fully realize the dan- -ger of smoking new or improperly cured Tobacco. The medical staff of the German army discovered this was a fruitful source of throat disease. The subsistence department of the U. S. Army hare adopted Seal of Xorth Carolina Plug Cut as the Stand ard Smoking Tobacco for the army. Eeware of Imitations. The genuine "Seal of North Carolina" costs you no more than poisonous imita'ions. R. HALL'S Pulmonary Balsam A Superior Remedy for all THROAT AXT) LVSCt TEOrBLTS, ASTHMA. COUGHS," COLDS. CROUP, IN FLUENZA, BRONCHITIS. WH00P1XG , COUGH, LOSS OF VOICE, HOARSE SESS AND INCIPIENT C0NT- - SUMPTION, Beadlly yield to its Healing Power. PBICE, CO CENTS. J. ??. GATES &. CC PTCPWfTBV i r- nr,srr h. w " r . . 3ix Y X