The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, September 06, 1889, Image 1

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NO. 26.
LEBANON MlIMIK, NO. 44, A. V k A. M : MU
I thxir now hull In Muxnilo lllick, un Hittiiru.y
(waning, on iir iwrorn mm Mil moon.
LKIIANnN l,fll)flH, NO. 47, I. . O. P.: Mil Hut
tiriiuy iivtAilnii nf (nuih wwk, at Odd Fvllnw'ii Hull,
Miifii ntr.iH: vliiltlt.g SrwUnitti midlully Invited to J. J. (IIIAIttTON, N (t,
HONOR UHKIK NO. 38, A. O. t. W.( Muniin,
Orffoti. Alexin iry Imt iohI third I liui-Mdiiy mn-
liiia In tlie month. K. II. HoHIMiK. M W.
M. K. i:iiiiiii:ii.
Walton Kklpworth. lunitor Service i'hi'Ii Hull'
liny Ht It A. M. iiinl 7 P. si. Huntliiy Heboid hi IU
a. m. rami mimiiiy,
fl. W. (Ilimnv, jiiiKtor rvli'Mi eHoh Sunday
at II A. M. Hl'llKlliy School 10 a, M. Hurvlitiw
each Sunday iilirht.
CtlMIIKHLANI) I'KKKHVTKItlAH t.'llltlll.'ll.
J, It. Klrkpiitrlok, pmtnr--Mi'rvle.on tlin 2nd
kiiii 4tii smiiuh.vk in ii a. m. Him p.m. runway
Hl'lllllll Vlll'll SIIIHlltV lit 10 A.
Ofllee over First Nulinnul Iliinli.
A Ml A NY .... OHIOX
i at Residence,
Will practice in all Court of tlie Slate,
W. R. BILYElf,
Attorney at "Law,
11 R, N. Ull 'KUtlKX.
Attorneys at Law.
Will pructlre in all the Courts of the Hlnte.
I'mniiit tliitioii Kivcn to ull LiimIiichh en
trtuiU'il to our ..hio.
Ollleu Odd I'ullow'ii Temple, Albany, Or.
Ml 1,'V'IV
J H,
CoUt-otlnim made, conveyancing and all No-
t.iniil win k done ou Hiiurt uotioe.
Graduate of the Royal College, of
London, England also of the Bellevue
Medical College.
.1 of study ami practice, and makes u spec
ialty el uliromc (IlKcHses. removes canoeis,
scrofulous eiiliK"iiienls, tumors mm weiin,
wllluml pain or the knlle. tie also makes a
snecmlly nf tieiitniont with rleetriolly. Hus
practiced ill the Oermtrii. Krenoh mid KiikIihIi
liosiillulH. Culls promptly attended day or
uiKht. II ih motto is. "kooiI Will to All.'
Ollleu anil remdonce. Kerry struet, between
Third anu roiirth, Albany, Uiegon.
J. M. RAl.KI'ON.
Transacts a General Banking Busiiicr
Kxohange sold on New York, San Kranoisep,
Portluml and Alliany, OieKoo.
ColloutioiiH made ou favorable termii.
Buy and S6oi Land, , '
Insure Property,
Any Information la regard to the cheap
er Land in the garden of Oregon f uniislied
There was to be a balloon usceusiou in a
Connecticut town, and the professor bad of
fared to lt uny one accompany him ou his
trip to the clouds who bad the uerve to go.
A young fanner about SO years old stepped
forward um n rundiduto, but while the crowd
was cheering him a voice culled out:
"Hey, lllll! I want to apeak to you a nAiit."
It whs bin father, and leading blm to the
outhkiptH of tlio crowd bo halted and asked:
"Hill, d'ye know what ye ar' doin'f"
"I'm u-goiit' up in thut bulloon, dud."
"Expect to git down alive?"
"I den."
"Wall, ye never will!"
"Wbt'ii you left home tblsnioniiif you had
Ixty ct'iiiH in cash. 1 wuuted ye to leave it
hointi, but. you wouldn't."
"I've got it yit, dud, a lackln' throe cents
gone fur K'muitM."
" Yes, I s'pose no, atid that purfessor know
it. Tbot'i why he's encouragiu' you to go.
When you git up tliur' among the clouds be'i
goin' to rob ye."
"Hhool dadl I'd have blm took up when I
got down."
"Not much, Bill. Arter be rotm ye he'll
throw ye overboard, and un who ar' lookin' up
win mt ye come suilin' down like an old
gander nkiminin' over a how pond. Ya'll
triko aonu'wlmr' over in Shwniard'a pastur
lot, und ye'll go into the ille about eighteen
leot aiore ye tiring up."
"Ilonmt Injun, dadT
"Hill, did I ever lie to yef I uiay be able
to llsii ii 1 1 one o yer tuunk bont to tuke bouie,
and wheu 1 hand it to mother and tell her
that 'Hall that's lt;ft of William Aekford Mows
Ucbeuiorhorn, what's sbo goin' to my and
bow hIiii'm ireiu' to f.l!"
"Shall 1 baek water, dadf" ,
"I would, Hill I aartinly would. I know
it would be suntbiu' to brag of if ye got down
alive, but ye never would."
"If I back wator kin I pend thetn fifty-
even contHP'
"Wall, inontly, but not quit all. B'posen
ye buy arokui-nnt aud a ciwtr, and I'll kinder
bcl eat and Binoke ac we jog alone home,
and nave the rest for a rainy day. Times it
goin' to be awful bard thin fall, ilill."
1 ea, I guei Wall, it s a go, dad. aud
you jit don't worry no more. You kin go
back aud watch the balloon, and I'll kinder
aige around to'rds a grocery. I've bin taxtin'
eokermit for the last live amiiu." 'ew York
How A iMnrHiice. Deceive;
A portly citizen left a Woodward avenue
car at UigU street between showers vester-
duy, but ws hardly on the sidewalk befori
bo beguu yelling and beckoning at the ear.
It s agui oi dur8 to stop exceut at cross
ings," observed a paiwt-uger on the rear plat
form, 08 the conductor reached up to tbe bell
" 1 in, but be bus probubly forgotten some
Well, let him get it when the car come
down. J have no piitteuce with forgetful
"I guess I'll stop, anyhow."
"It's u shame to do it."
Tlie car was stoppod und tlio inau came
running uud pulling to cull out:
"Left my f. ailk umbrella in the car."
"X'ftw Mini Imrn if id I iviiu L.u, It-
-lb IB IWI
you 1" replied the individual who bad opposed
a stop.
1'biinks. You are an houwxt inau. If
tliere were nicire men like you this would lie
a better world to live itt, Hure have
cigar." Detroit Free Press.
He Hud the OimlificaUom
Pater Well, my son, you are graduated,
and are now prepared to go west and tight
tlio Indians. Do you think you bave the
uecossnry qualifications?
West Pointer Well, I should think so. I
am tbe champion long distance runuer of our
cIum. Life.
A Scheme fur tlie Poulterer.
I see it stated that one female salmon will
produce 20,000,01X1 eggs in a seasou. See
here; is there no way known to science of
crossing the land locked sulnion with tlio
common hen of eommerco? Tlio stupidity,
or laziness, or malicious obstinacy of the ben
Ls a weariness to the flesh. Now, I have one
of tbe best plants for a good egg factory you
ever suw, ou a small scale; I have all the raw
material for producing eggs, but the mills are
not running on half time; uo, not on quarter
time. And this right at a time when tbe de
mand is something unprecedented; when, ac
cording to all the wise writers on iudustriul
matters, tliouinrket is just booming and ev
ery right thinking ben would run away past
ber contract mid work over hours to meet the
demand and keep up the boom. But uo, she
deliberately limits the production, fis thong
be bod no more a conscience tliau a coal
baron. But this salmon business has a
cheering sound. If something in the way of
iu and in breeding could only bo accom
plished, giving us an improved ben with web
fuet, so that she couldn't scratch, aud a ''val
uing capacity of say two ddzeu eggs a day
with a nleusaiit Lenten flavor say, thut
would be better than Standard oil.- -
Geo. Pryor Tells a Story Wblch GiplaiM
Him Exactly.
Gen. Pryor tells an amusing story. When
be was in England defending tbe Irish patri
ots be was quite desirous of spreading bis
views before tbe British public. It is much
border to get at an English editor tbat at an
American, but finally communications were
established, and one evening there was a sub
dued knock at the door of his room in bis
hotel "Come in," said Gen, Pryor. The
door opened about six inches, and through
the aperture sidled a dilapidated specimen of
flunmnity. Softly clonlcg the door the di
lapidated specimen put bis dilapidated bat
on the floor, and, bowing humbly, uttered:
"Gen. Pryor, I believe." "Yes, I am Gen.
Pryor; what can I do for you?" "Iam a
repoiter, sir, and 1 was sent to ask yon if you
would givo your views on the American as
pect of tbe Irish quest ion T
Everybody who knows Gen. Pryor well
knows that be is one of tbe most affable of
men, and in thin cane he meant to be particu
larly pleasant, for he wanted to be inter
viewed. But forgetting that ha was not in
New York, lie followijd tbe usual practice of
statcsmon in this country, and began with,
"My deur fellow, 1 really haven't anything
to say." intending this, of course, as a pre-
luue to a long conversation. H bat was
astonishment when the specimen grabbed bit
bat, genuflected still more humbly than be
fore, ejnculuted, "Thank you, sir; thank
you, sir." aud disappeared To bave a re
porter give up the struggle so quickly so sur
prised the general that be really sat in
chair paralyzed for the moment, and before
be could recover the Englishman had gone,
and the interview was lost New York Sua
Where lie Drew the Line.-
"Your name, I believe, is FIubsonT
Tbe frank, unembarrassed, yet respectful
munuor of tlie youug man impressed tbe
merchant favorably, and be replied, as ht
motioned the caller to a seat:
"Tbat is my name."
"I beg pardon for obtruding upon yon in
business hours. I presume you do not re
member ma"
"No, sir."
"I dare say I was too young when you saw
me last to make it possible that my face
would strike you as familiar now. My name
"Chuggr echoed tbe merchant "Why, I
once bad a relative of tbat name Mrs.
Nancy Cbugg.
"Yes, sir. She is alive yet. She is my
mother. 1 bave often beard her speak of
"And your first name ign ' "
i am giua to see you, here Is your
home now r
"We live in Nebraska."
"Well, bow has the world used you J"
' I can't ci ipluiu. I travel for a New
York bouse at u fair salary. At this mo
tueut, however, I Hud myself temporarily
embarrassed tin iieeount of not having re
ceived expected remittances from tbe firm.
In fact, 1 have taken the liberty, as a rela
tive, to call upon you partly for tbe purpose
of asking for a louu of, say, J25 to tide me
over this wee."
"Why, as to that, Jeukinson, I am sorry to
"Make it fr. Mr. Hubson, and I'll try to
get along."
"Your mother, Mr. Cbugg, is my second
cousin. You are my third cousin. For pur
poses or acquaintance 1 recognize the rela
tionship, tint in the matter of lending money
I am compelled to draw tbe line somewhere.
and my rule is to draw it at third cousins.
Good morning, Mr. Cbugg." Chicago Trib
An A pplloutlon.
Parson White Ho w'd yo' like de sermon
on "Charity" dis niornin', deacon!
Deacon, liardscrapple Dat was t worry
touehin' sariuou, parson. Kin yo' lend me r
dollar JLil'e.
vriiKie cor.ins- vroROrou Talent.
Dining one evening with VVilkie Col
lins, he spoke of the difficulty of imagin
ing a place or character which had not
its original in real life. After he had
described the house in "Armadale," a
gentleman called upon him and upbraid
ed him for putting his residence into
print. The description was exact, al
though VVilkie Collins had never seen
the place. He invented a man who was
bo careful about his food that he weighed
it in little scales at table. A gentleman
wns introduced to Mr. Collins and said:
"You had no right, sir, to caricature me.
weigh my food in little scales, sirl
Ilere they ure, sir! I always carry thein
about with me by advice of my physi
cians. But is that any reason why I
should be held up to ridicule, sir?" In
vain Mr. Collins protested that he had
never before heard of such a habit.
New York Metropolis.
AH Sorts of Funny thine Found In Infant
, Humanity.
In the course of a lecture delivered
In New York the other day, a distin
guished female physician said that the
inability of a baby to hold up its head
was not due to the weakness of the
neck, but to the lack of development of
its will power. The act of standing
was instinctive and initiative, while
facial expressions and gesture were
due almost wholly to imitation.
A baby's smile, she said, was the
most misunderstood thin? in infancy,
A real smile must have an idea behind
It, but the expression resembling a
smile, which is so often seen on a very
young baby's face, was without an
idea and was due to the easy condition
of the stomach or to some other phys
ical satisfaction. The smilo with an
ideL does not appear earlier than the
fourth week. So, too. with the crying
of a baby. The contortion of the feat-
ures is due to physical causes. The
baby sheds no tears, because the lach
rymal glands are not developed for
several weeks after birth. The chief
pleasure of all children is to change
from one position to another by their
own efforts. This Is the beginning of
the development of the will power,
and is often attested in what has been
called the "imperative intention of
tears." This is not disclosed until after
the eecond or third month.
A baby tests every thing by its
mouth, its sense of taste being the
surest and most reliable guide it has.
The attention of all young children is
difficult to attract, and they must
attain considerable age before they
begin to notice. Then colors and
sounds are most potential Fear is
known to be manifested by a baby
only three weeks old, and in all cases
the sensation ia produced by sound
more "than by sight Children of
luxurious and carefully guarded homes
are most wholly without fear, but the
children of poor and exposed parents
alwavs manifest it Jealousy and
sympathy begin to manifest themselves
In the second year.
Curiosity also begins to develop
here, and proves to be a 6elf-feeder
throughout childhood. A little later
the ego begins to appear, and the baby
has the best consciousness of itself.
Ihu ego first appears as a muscular
sense, and the infant gradually learns
to distinguish itself from surrounding
objects. H is first the hand that is
distinguished and then the foot, and
Gnally the whole body. Memory does
not appear before the child is two
years of age. All the reasoning of
children is primitive and elementary
and develops slowly. Darwin noticed
an assochtion of ideas in tbe mind of
his child when, it was only five months
of age. The lecturer related experi
ences of babies with the first view of
mirrors, and showed that their actions
under the new conditions were similar
to those of anthropoid apes and dogs
under like conditions. St Louis Re
A Feflow Feeling.
"Is it another applicant for charity?" ask
ed the father of tbe family un patiently, look
ing up from bis newspuper. "Send ber
"It'a a poor woman," said the servant,
"whose little boy has got lost or been stolen.
She has speut all she bad in trying to find
"Don't send ber away, Williams," said tbe
eldest .daughter reprovingly. "Don't you re
member, papa, bow we felt when darling
little r ido here was lost for a whole day, and
how gladly we gave $50 to have bun brought
back lieres twenty-five cents, Williams.
Give it to the poor woman." Chicago Tri
Why Ills Paper Waa "Stopped."
I happened to be in the office of The Mer
can tile Review and Uve Stock Journal ou
Wednesday last iu time to hear one of the
best reasons ever given for stopping a news
paper. A German boy entered, removed bi5
hat and asked: "Is Mr. Vepsder in" "He
is, replied Charles H. Webster, looking up
from a mass of tissue live stock reuorts which
be was winnowing. "Veil, Mister Bitters
dou't vaut to tuke dot paber no more. He i
vos dedt last nide alretty . " The name of tbe
late Mr. Bitters, a cattle dealer, was duly
erased from tbe delivery sheet. -Buffalo i
That Settled It.
"That settles it," said a prisoner whom his
honor sentenced to the workhouse for sixtv
ays the other morning.
'isettles what'' asked the officer to whom
the remark wus addressed.
I have been troubled hi my mind whether
to go down to Long Branch or up to Macki
nac this summer Now 1 won't have to go to
either." lietroit Free Press.
Seasonable Information.
First Omahdii One must look out for hy
drophobia this hot weather. Do you know
how to tell a mad dog
Second Omohttti if I had anything io tell
a tnad dog 1 should do it by telephon.-
Nut That Way.
The Good Man (sadly) Ah, my son, you
bave been to the circus; it pains me greatly
to think that one so young should have crossed
the threshold of iniquity.
The Bad Small Boy I didn't croea no
threshold; I crawled in tinder the tent,
Munsey'a Weekly.
He Was an Old Man, but Lively One.
We wi a sitting in front of Davidson's gro
cery one summer afternoon, when some ona
observed that "Old Taylor" was coining. He
was a dried up, little old man, who .might
have been anywhere from 50 to 100 years bid,
and he had a voice to remind you of broken
glass rattling in a tin an.
;'Now, boys," said tbe village shoemaker,
who was about 45 years old, and weighed 17S
pounds, "I'll show you some fun. I'm going
to scare old Taylor half to death."
Tbe old man drove up before any explana
tions could be sought, and after hitching bit
old plug be stood for a minute to wipe th
dust off bis ancient plug bat with his elbow.
The shoemaker took advantage of this to ad
vance and say:
"Uncle Taylpr, it is over twenty years ac
that I sold you a pair of boots on tick. They
have never been paid for yet."
"Tbeydidn t fit, and they never will be
paid furl" hotly replied the old man.
I have waited and waited," continued thi
cobbler, "but my patience is finally exhaust
ed. You must now par r"e or I'll take it out
of your bide." - ' -
"Goin' to lick me, hey 1" shouted Uncle Tay
lor, as he-drew back a step.
"I II bave to," answered the creditor.
"Then pitch right in!"
"Will you pay("
"No, sirl" .
"Uncle Taylor, I hate to break you in two.
but if you don't pay that old debt III" -
"Then come on!" squealed the old man, and
with that he swung and caught the shoemaker
ou the -jaw and laid him out. He followed it
up by piling ou, and he kicked, bit, scratched
and pounded so vitrorouslv that inside of
three minutes the cobbler was shouting to ui
to take him off. Ho was a licked man. In
stead of having fun with the old man, th
old man bad made a circus of him. We
hauled hiiuiuto tbe shade of a sugar hogshead
mid fanned him with a hut, and after about
ten minutes be faintly remarked: '
"Boys, was I licked?"
"Right from the mark," we answered.
"And by Old Taylor alonef '
"Well, that shows how a man can be mis
taken." be signed. "For over twenty years I
have fondly li-ured that I could lick tbat-old
cups with my eyvs shut aud both handri .tied
behind me, andiow bo does me up in a fk'ht
of my ovyn picking and with ull my tackle
clearl Pieaso leave me alone for a while.
boys. My head swims and my bodv aches.
and I want to reason it out uud Hud some ex
cuse for making a fool of mvself." New
York Kun.
An Ingenious Scheme.
We onco asked a St. Louis Iwolcseller
whether he ever got hold of any first editions.
Uli, yes. I ve got a lot of them stored
uwuy in my Chestnut street lodgings," said
he, "but nobody seems to want them. When
I used to offer them for sale customers would
say: 'No, you can't ring in any old truck on
us; we must have the latest editions with all
tbe modern improvements."
If, at the big second band book store in
Milwaukee, you inquire for first editions, the
proprietor gives you a candle and sends you.
down into the cellar to tumble over a creat
heap of booka, " There's no demand for them
here," he says, ruefully, "and I'll be triad to
get shet of 'onmt ulmost any price." .
A funny experience was that which we
once bad in boston. Going into the- fata
comb like book shop under the Old South
church, we asked the venerable proprietor if
he had any ouaup'books.
Yes,' says he, "we've got a thousand or
fifteen hundred of 'em, but they're all boxed
up and stowed away."
"Boxed upujid stowed away!" we cried iu
astonishment "What under the sun did vou
box 'em up aud stow 'em away forf" -
"Why, s .id. .the venerable old man, guile
lessly, "we'ro goin" to hold 'em till they get
vaiuapiei" i,ugena r-ield m Chicago News, ,
A Real Helpmeet.
"There's nothing like having a wife who ii
a real helpmeet," said Mr. Stowaway.
"You re right," said Mr. Sassicty. "Look
at Simpkius, now. What would be be with
out his wife! IIo's just as dependent ou her
as ho can be."
"Is that so r.
"Yes, just as' dependent as he can be, Thev
aay that when he takes a pill she always swal
lowsaglassof water to help bun get it down." -
jwewistou journal.
Poor Fire JJepurtment In India.
Returned Tourist You wouldn't believe
half tho wonderful things thut 1 could tell
you about India. Why, in some of the tem
ples of tho Bruhmiiis they have fires that
have been burning 3,(100 years.
Chicago Mini-(ireat t-cott! they omht ta '
have our fire department there for a few
if ! "
I. il
f :
tt -
if .'
J '
minutes. New York Tr ith.