.ffuumml occap
( , ,. the divorce eourta
-faul Brother (Jardnnr,
' ung opeued in due and nn
orm. "It has tillus struck mo tu
uglily inconsistent thing fur people
u arpue dat you can tradeahoss which
doan' Huit sol) a houe you doun' like
bust uu a bizness partnership which
wr' unpltfusiint give away yer doj tin
pion yr cut, but rausn'l part from de
husband ov wifu who Is tuaktn' yer life
one of misery. I thank de law dat It
was wise snuff to foresee soma artin
thinir and nmonjr 'am de fact dat people
would make mistakes In marryln.' It
is only natural dutdey should, and
whon dcy do divorce am de easiest way
out If do law refused divorces, elope
merits and murders would increase I
hundred per cent
"When you hev tied up two people
who truly lovo. honor an' respect each
other who kin boar an' sacritioe who
can smile in adversity as well as in
sunshine you hev done a blessed thing,
an' airth an' ILiaven ar' de bettor fur it
liut when you hev tiod up two pussont
who argy, bicker, dispute and huts
who see nuflla alike who kin neither
love nor respect, you would hev de
heart of Satan to force 'em to conliner
sich a life. Yo couldn't do it. Par
would be murdor If no other escape of
fered. .....
. 'VAn.' dar' am sartln pussona who
claim dat divorce Induces laxity of
morals. Among all de scandals of the
last y'ar hev you seen de name of a
divorced man or woman? Among all
de bad women arrested in a year do you
find do name of a divorced woman? It
ar de wives an' gals who suicide not
de divorced women. It ar' de wives an
pais arretted fur drunkenness not dii
divorced women.
"Me an' my ole woman hev stood by
each other fur nigh onto fifty y'ars, an'
we ar' gwine to sail In do same boat
c'lar down to de bank of de dark riber.
V noma Wo ar flOpul fur mll'h oth-
didn't? Suppose we quarreled an
bickered an' wished each other dead?
Do law which would compel us to live
together would be an inhuman thin;
X ar' glad ebery time I see dat a divorce
vm bin granted. I wish de cost was
ij five dollars an' de tlmo reduced to
) day. Husbands would hev mo' re
ctan' tenderness fur doir wives
Avea mo' confidence an' trust In deir
husbands We will now attack do
reg'lar programme of bizness." De
troit Free Press.
GOLD FIELD NOTES.
Wonderful Thin Reported by 8tritly
Truthful Chronicler.
If half the stories are true which are
told about the newly discovered gold
region in tne soiunwest, it is inaeea a
wonderful country. The following Ia
taken from a newspaper which U pub
lished in the neighborhood:
"The greatest excitement prevails in
the place, and well it may, for words
fail to express the truth of the matter.
There is gold in the water.there is gold
in the air, there is gold everywhere.
It is so plentiful that every miner car.
rles hU own gold belt wherever be
goes. Some carry the metal in their
t3lb. The bell boys at the Ensonada
Hotel make large sums every week by
brushing off and saving the gold dust
which travelers bring in on their
clothes. The sheriff's handcuHs are
gold-bonds.
"The most wonderful discovery of all
Is that the river which runs through
k the camp is simply liquid gold.
"Xfjts are set in the river over night
to catch the nuggets which come float
ing down, and these miners make their
breakfast off the gold-fish which get
caught along with the nuggets.
'Wash china in the stream and it
comes oui cum uiaie.
"A tramp went in swimming and
anryMt completely clad in gold armor,
outl.jt being ''satisfied with a thirteen
carat suit, ho went in again for a second
coat and was drowned by the weight
"A copper-colored Indian baby was
chang'.-d into a golden cherub by im
jirjriion in the water so that its mother
refund to own it
"CiiUle driven into the water in order
that litf-v nniv drink, walk out on the
other Hide gilded and watered stock.
"To obtain a riii golden butter It it
only necessary to kill and throw in a
Rocky mountain goat.
"ia it tiny wonder that p.M ions imv
tLo gold fever, when they live in a
region wo permeated with the stuff, u
this is?" Time. ' '.' ;'''
A "Painter" Let Go. .
pvery aauorntui ins story oi tne mi
which "landlubbers" makeover
' ni'8 of things at sea, which al
to bo exactly the opposite ol
ire on land. A sheet, foi
stead of being something
, tik a sheet of cloth oi
jr 'sfieet t water, is nothing
btit a Hnx;. A new boy had como ob
board a West India ship, upon which i
j'vu'iU'f iiitd mm been employed to paint
the side's side. ' The painter was at
.. ! -'..nil u .-btg'mg su-ptnded under
' , s-ii-'p. Tljc captain, who ha'1
L.ot go tho pdnter!n "
Everybody should know that a boat'i
painter Is the rope which makes It fast,
but this boy did nol know it Ho rat
aft and let go the ropes by which thi
painter's stage was held. Meantime th
captain wearied with waiting: to be caa!
Off. .'-." '! ...'.." ,
"You rascal!" he callod, "why don't
you let go the painter?"
'He's gone, sir," said the boy.
briskly; "he's gone, pots, brushes and
all."--Youth's Companion.
Qolag outtotmj us clothing, ' 1
Goinjf cut, Uw bills te part t j ,k jl i : ;
Oomtni; In o very slowly.
OominR In each worh lag day)
GoIdk out from iii aoui;, ,
CobUhk In, so hard to wtn, ;
Ceaerltiu Mream of little pennies
Going out aud comlag In.
Through the many wants of bom Uf,
From beoeath our hiunble cot;
To the butcher and the bolter
Where the meat and bread are bought,
from the old and much worn valley
To the cruel world of greed;
' Going out with tiKha and adnea
To aupply each faiuUy mod.
Through the want that crowd oi daila,
Through the bllla that must be met,
Through the many needs of children,
Where Uie famllye growing yet;
To the busy world about ua,
With It haarUtm woe and sin,
Remtkwa stream of tittle pennies,
. Hushing out Into the din.
Coming back to very slowly, ,
Though we try to toll and save;
Coming to the dear okl nomeateae
Cooling in to keep ua brave;
Weary, are we tery often,
Weary, when we try to win.
From the world Kie little pennies.
Which are slow In comiug in.
Going out to pay the taxes,
Coiniag in our hearts to chest.
Going out to (my for schooling.
Coming in to family dear;
OasrleM Mrvam cf little pennies,
Which b tiod so hard to win.
From the doorways of the homestead,
Qoinc out and coming In.
Portland Transcript.
Cultivation of Boys.
There are as a rule plenty of boys on
the farm, but, as the Iowa State Register
said recently, their cultivation ia fre
quently sadly neglected. They are not
cultivated in a way to make them con
tented and successful farmers. The fa
thers of the boys on the farms do not
sufficiently take them into their confi
dence, to consult them about all of the
farm operations and give them to feel
they are partners in all that is done.
The father should also, when he sells his
hogs, cattle, horses, or any of the crops,
sit down with his boys and tell all about
the sale, the amount received, and com
pare the cost and profit of one class of
farming over the other. Show them by
figures what it costs to raise wheat and
corn, as well as what amount of corn and
grass each animal eats during hislifeand
what each brought in the market In
this way boys will be cultivated Into
thinking, intelligent farmers, instead of
mere drudges.
Then the boys should be consulted what
to do with the money received from the
crop that their joint labor has produced.
The father can pint out to them what
debts have to bo paid, what the necessi
ties of the family for food and clothing
will require, and how the balance shall
be invested whether in buying more
land, laying a foundation for improved
breeds of stock, and what it shall be. Id
tli is way report all of the operations, the
same as you would to partners in busi
ness. They are partners, and they should j
be made to feel that they are truly part- j
ners in the work, and partners in direct-1
ing all of tho operations of the farm.
Some Dates of Easter Sunday. 1
Thomas Cunningham, of this place, i
1 r l . I . . t !
wno is a corre(oiiuing uieinuer oi tne
Numismatic and Archaeological society,
of New York, possesses, among his many
other "curioe," a complete file of I'hin
ney's Almanac from 1803 to 1887, inclu
sive.the publication of which waa stopped
in 1387. In looking over them one is
struck by tho variety of dates ou which
Easter Sunday occurs, every day in the
mouth of April being represented except
tho last five. Throughout the file it oc
curs live times on the lOthand five times
on the 10th of April; four times on each
the 1st. 2d, 11th and 12th of April, and
four times on the 31st of March; three
times on the 4th, 0th, 6th, 7th. 6th, 10th,
13th, 14th and 22d of April and tho 27th
and 29th of March; April 23, 188(5, being
tho latest und March 22,1818, tho earliest
dates on which itoccurs. Eight dates in
March are represented, viz.: 22d, 23d,
2oth, 20th, 27th, 2bth, 80th and litst
Utica Herald.
,, The Cigarettes.
The ingenuity of the women of London
and Paris in Inventing new dicsipistion is
without limit. ' To the morphine, habit
tho devotees of sensationalism have now
added the practice of smoking tea cigar
ettes. Special prades xrf the finest tea
are used, and tho effect of the cigarettes
ia said to to delightful for fully an hour
after one has been smoked. ; After that
comes tho reaction in the form of a ner
vous trembling; and excitability, but
which is subdued, according to a woman
of title, who rather goes in for all these
things, by a thimbleful of frozen absinthe.
Thus by industriously ringing tho changes
on morphine, tea, cigarettes and absinthe,
with a few intrigues, soiuo scandal and
a raft of white hot French novels, the
woman of society -.manages to worry
through the day. I wonder if the Ameri
can girl's great success abroad ia not due
to her naturalness and health, Loudon
Cor. Philadelphia Ledger.
THE PHYSICAL MAN.
Perfection tn Whloh the Humeri Maeliln
ryMtr He Mrwuyht lly Itrlll.
, Exhibitions of remarkable skill and
endurance on the stage or In theolrcus
ring, however use-less the feat per
formed, mry have a certain value to
the thoughtful as demonstrations of
the perfection to whloh the machinery
of man may be brought by constant
drill and exorcise. The gymnasts, ae
robats, dancers and jugglers do things
that seem almost impossible, simply
because they have for years trained
their eyes and musclos to perform a
limited number , of operations, have
practiced Incessantly, and made their
movements almost automatic , If men
can do these things, that simply serve
to uniuse other people, they can, by
similar porsovernnco and practice per
fect thomsolves in useful occupations.
Leaving out of consideration the nrts
(wherein, howovor, technical skill Is
almost as much to bt desired as natural
taste or talent), there Is scarcely a
mechanical occupation that could not
be elevated and improved by such de
voted practice as the professional acro
bat gives to his feats of Hglllty. A
juggler practices certain movements
of tho hand almost incessantly for
years before he becomes so
highly skilled as to bo uhle to
deceive spectators by his slolght-of-hand
performances. A mechanic
equally devoted to the business of get
ting his hand trained to do his will
would become a remarkable work
man in much less time. The fact
is that too little attention has hereto
fore been given , to the possibili
ties of hand training for use
ful work. The stage " und the
circus ring have for years shown
us that there is scarcely any limit to
be put to what hum may accomplish
through tho trabi'ng of his muscles.
Crowds have wondered at and ap
plauded performers with no greater
Intelligence than the uverago spec
tator, and have never thought of ap
plying the lesson to themselves and
making a better use of It than that of
posing for the amusemont of the pub
lic. Tho gymnast, the acrobat, the
Juggler are men who have learned how
to use their musclos, who have trained
their eyes to quick seeing, their judg
ment to prompt decision, who have
taught themselves to keep control of
their wits in un emergency, and who
have above all practiced certain move
ments so diligently that they can per
form them without effort, almost un
consciously. They havo not assumed
thut education is to bo applied only to
the mind, but (frequently to the neg
lect of tho latter) have applied educa
tional methods to tho muscles of their
body which othei people neglect Ono
mny easily imagine a skilled juggler
who would wonder quite as much at a
school-boy's reudy answers to ques
tions in arithmetic us the school-boy
would wonder at his feats of balanc
ing or sleight of hand. Tho wonder
ment In each case is dependent upon
tho ignorance of the one and the
skill of the other In fields
that 'are., open to both. Until
recent years it has been assumed that
the muscles need little training that
can not be acquired in the ordinary
course of life without special instruc
tion or effort Tho results achieved
by specialists should, however, eorrect
this view. The Germans have carried
this thought to a'loglcul conclusion by
providing more generally than other
people for the training of hinds und
eyes in the kindergarten and for carry
ing on similar exercises in their turn
ers' schools. The object is not to make
gymnasts or acrobats of the pupils any
more than the teaching of drawing in
the public schools is intended to make
nrtUls of all who receive such instruc
tion. The purpose is to give healthful
and useful exercise, to truin the mus
cles, and lay the foundation for the
development of skill of hand in any
undertaking. This is not dono ut tho
expense of mental education, but, as
experience shows, by promoting the
physical health, it quickens and
strengthens tho mental faculties, at
the same time giving thorn needed re
lief from too much strain. AH tho
tendencies of modern educational
thought nro 'toward a broader and
more liberal education in the direction,
not of multiplying mental studies, but
of extending school training to hands
and eyes a well as to memory. Bal
timore Sun. ""
Barkis Was WillinY
"Young man," ho begun, us ho
caught him at tho hall door, "you are
coming hero quito often of lato."
"Yea' sir." -' :-
'Whlch ono Is it?"
"Maud, sir."
"Maud, eh! Well, Maud is a good
girl and a great favorite. I have no
objections, sir. I used to go to schoel
with your father, and I know all about
you."
"Thanks."
"Just make yourself at home, sir.
Do you happen to have f-'f or $30 In
your vest pocket? ' I'll hapd it back
next week, Yes, Maud is a nice girl,
and if I should forget this loan just
speak ubout It will you?"
IIUCH THE
r
Nobbiest and
In the County, is now. to be
'
GLOTHIIGr!
Of Albany, Oregon.
fjS7 When you want to "drcRB up," we wouM pliul to bIiow you
through mul niako the right pi ico.
Merchant Tuilonng it tipuinalty. Mu. K. A. Sciikkki.kh in an cxprt, and
has charge of this (lopurtniimt. We guarantee stttinin!tion.
P. COHN
Declares that he will again pay
WOOL, EGGS, BUTTER,
OR
Any .kind of Produce, than any
other house in Albany
AND
Will Sell Goods Cheaper
If you want to Make Maney, j
Call on Him.
C. T. COTTON,
DKAl.KU IN
Groceries and Provisions,
TOBACCO & CICARS,
SMOKERS' ARTICLES,
Foreign and Domestic Fruits,
CONFECTIONERY
ltneiiHwai'. himI Ihmiwiii''.
LaiiipN and l.ntii Klxturrn.
.11 U I II Ht., l.rllHHMII. Oii'iion.
LEBA.JOn
Meat Market,
Ed Kellenberger, Propr.
Fresh and Salted Beof and Pork
MUTTON,
. PORK,
SAUSAGE,
BOLOGNA
'''.' - 1
and HAM.
Bacon and Lard Always on Hand
Main Street, Lebanon, Or.
NEWEST,
Largest Stock of
Seen on th u i in t
AlW. a .
J
irany Minr says ho has thn If, T.. IrairiM
HhoM wiltauut naiiui sad prlos stamped ua
His bottom, put liiui Uown aa fraud.
W. L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE GENTLEMEN.
Hat In thn world. Kxnmlno his
i,(M ;t NMNr: II t NI-hf VH HflOE.
H4.00 II ANO-MKW r l W KI,T MIOK.
:l.A I'Ol.M K AMI KAItM r.KM' MIOE.
rj.OO FX Tit A VAM'F AI.F hlIO,
fc'J.'Jrt WOUKINCiM AN' hllOF.
BU.OOaml atl.7ft ItOVrt' M:U4M, SHOES
All tustki In t'uiiKrM, lluUou and Lo.
W. L. DOUGLAS
S3 SHOE LADRCS.
Heat Mntnrlnl. Host Htyln. Boat FltllnC
If aut oM by Tniir (Iralcr, write
W. L. IJOIJOXAN. ItltOCKTON, MA 84
"Fxiinilnr V. I.. llmitfliiM tut MIioch
for B-t I ! mul ImiUxm."
For Sale by C. C. Hackleman.
J. M. Keene, D. D. S.
Dental Parlors
Office: Broyman Bros. Building,
MAI.F.M.OItlXiOY.
I Mf Hours trom 8 A, M. to 6 P. M.
CJIAKLICS MKTZCJEJt,
ji iz - v j j: s T ; t u
AND
Employment Agent
SITUATIONS AND HELP
OK AM,
KIiiiIm KuriilMliMd on Mliort Notlre.
All coinniun'catloDH promptly aimworer
in tdilmr KngllHli or Ournmii, wheu ac
cuiiiiiiniicil with UQHMtgn.
Olllce on EllMWortU street, opposite
Revere Hoiei.
ALBANY
OREGON
" . Vf