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About The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 10, 1888)
JOB PRINTING.- ..r - Omcio antav rurpAT ) J'. H. 8TINB & CO Publishers HP IDT 1? EBANO EXPRE Erarx daKripUoa et - OK SUBSCRIPTION. Oa l or , S3 00 ffc Month 1 as . JLJLJLU Jol) Printing Eons on Start Mies, IRH MOHIM 69 a1 imnnimiitnml TERMS OF ADVERTISING. ' (uou.) . Legal Blanks, Business Cardav Letter Heads. Bill Beads, : Circulars. - Posters, Btei Exacated in good atyle and at lowait IMb artom. wtiit, Brat Insertion S3 00 Km tdntona maertioii 1 SO ( LOCAL) VOL. I. Lseal VatleM, p Hit IS cent. LEBANON, ORBGON, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1888. NO. 48. KpiikT advertuem.nta taaarua upon liberu term,. SOCIETY NOTICES. UBAtTOK lonpK. NO. 44. A. T. k A. M : MU M BTR U.ll 111 .n B. MilU CHUCK, w OMUCUJkJ Yemn, ob or imhoto u run aioon. J WASSOX. W. M. laBASTOST LODGE, NO. 47, I. O.-O. F.: MmM Ht nrdti, iin of aach work. .1 odd Fellow H.11 j kltii trt; tatting brethren oonllally Inrftetl to I mowo torxm so. a, a. o. tr. w . Lebanon. Oregon: Meet. iorj Ant and thtrd Tbundu- .tea- I lajw in m montn. 1. kuduux. h. w. J. S. COURTNEY, M. D.. PHYSICIAN AlMD SURGEON, I LEBANON OREGON. na-OfSce in brick building; over M. A. Mil ler urug sun. W. M. MILLER, ATTORNEY AT LAW' Notary Public And General Insurance Agt, I LEBANON. ORKGON. rlleetlon ud other builneaa prompt!, attended to. wo. on juib nroe. DR. A. H. PETERSON, Si - '" SURGICAL. DENTIST, Tiuing and Extracting Teeth a Spec Laity. UKBANON. OREOOS. Offica in W. C. Peterson1 jewelry store. SaTAJI work warranted; Charges reasonabl e C. H. HARMON, BARBER & HAIRDRESSER, LEBANON. OREGON. Sharlnc Hair Cntttnt and Shampooinc In the BEST STYLES, ay Fatrosat ncpectfullr aolidted. Gt. Charles Hotel. LEBANON. Oregon. ST. W. Oomar Hiio and Rkibu Street, two Block, H. E. PARRiSH, Proprietor. Tables Supplied with the Best the Market Affords. Bampl Koonu and the Beat Accommodation, for 1 IXaBmaroal aaea. GENERAL, STAGE OFFICE. C. T.COTTON, DEALER IN Groceries and Provisions, tvTOBACCO & CIGARS. SMOKERS ARTICLES, Foreljn and Domestic Fruits,- CONFECTIONERY, aeeaaware u tilaaawnrc. baai ana Lamp Fix tare.. Hala St Lebanon, Oregon. LEBANON Meat MaiIret BCHL V KELIEIBEBSEB, Preprieter.. Fresh and Salted Beef and Pork, - MUTTON, PORK, SAUSACE, BOLOCNA and HAM. Eicon ml Laril always on Hail Main Street, Lebanon, Or. Jj. COWAK. J. V. fiiUTCX, 3. W. Cvskk. BANK OF LEBANON Lebanon, Oregon, Transacts a General Banking Business. Aooooqs Kept Subject to Check. EXCHANGE SOLD ON in Tort, San Francisco, Portland sii litany, Got. ade on Favor- Gr. W. SMITH, Lebanon, DIALS .JIAirVTAOTUXKB Or. Tin, Copper, Sheet-Iron Ware, EJVJE3 SPOCJT, Etc. All kinds of Repairing Also keep Tli WOVEN . GOA XT xx der LEBANON, Doaler in BURYING ROBES & COFFINS CONSTANTLY ON HAND Also Doors, Windows and Blinds. fil. A. -71 ILLER, DEAJLER IN Drugs. Medicines, Paints, Oils and Glass. ALSO A Complete Stock of Stationery, AND LADIES' TOILET ARTICLES, Prescriptions a Specialty. Next Door to W. B. Donaca, Lebanon, Oregon. "W". B. DOKTACA, DEALER Groceries and TOBACCO Confectionery, Crockery, Gloss and Plated "Ware, Pure Sugar and Maple Syrups. GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS. COUNTRY PRODUCE TAKEN "Goods at Reasonable Corner Brick Store, E. HARDY, Watchmaker . and .' Jeweler. ...DEALER IX... fatcaes, Clocti, Jewelry, SilTer .AOZHT ROCKtlFORD o o o o o o dsk-Treln Repairing im &$r Specialty. o o o o e o S2r ! tl 1 Jr jf BMW. Sold (wWjitrV Vf J.' VViJf Uown ISaniMnOm fc?.-gAMrt iuliiig , , .r and ofbflr EMEf3P Jtw-lr. wttto 1 jliawjaw. xhr ruUWamuuy. AIM M1KT roa THE. I. E. Sc H. A, Singer Se-wing Machines & Machine Supplies 1XBANON, OREGON" Oregon IN B,Iron,PMns,&c. Done at Short Holies. in stock WIRE BED. taker, OJRECwOlM. Furniture. IX Provisions! AND CICARS, IN EXCHANGE FOR GOODS. Prices," is my Motto. Main Street, Lebanon, Or. Plated fare ana Optical Goods. FOR. o o o o o o o dvATCHES All Work r i''?X SERVICE Thk United States consumes every day 25,000 acres of timber. Thk public debt was decreased $15,387,320 during January. by Peru now requires five years mili tary service from every man between 21 and 30 ye irs of age. Thk British Parliament is composed of 670 members, of which 435 are from England, 103 from Ireland, 72 from Scotland and 30 from Wales. Thk Panama railroad has discontin ued the practice of throwing non-paying persons from its trains while run ning at full speed. A tax of 8 per head on all cattle slaughtered in the Panama district is now in force, and beef costs thirty cents per pound at retail. There are said to be 4,000 men of British birth in Lowell, Mass., who are eligible to become citizens, but have never taken out their naturalization paper. Thk engineer corps of the army, in report to the Senate, recommend that authority be granted the govern ment to supervise the salmon fisheries in the Columbia. Thk President has issued a procla mation granting to German vessels in American ports the same rights and privileges accorded U. S. vessels in German ports. New York has dropped to the po sition of sixth State in the Union in the number of miles of her railroads. Illinois stands at the head, followed by Iowa, Kansas, Texas, Pennsylvania, New York and Ohio. Iff New Zealand the great enemy of sheep is a large green parrot. It lights on a sheep and devours its living flesh. After it has eaten its fill it flies away. But,' as a rule, the wounds it makes never heal up. Thk negroes in Georgia pay taxes on property assessed at over 18,000,000 ; those in South Carolina pay taxes on $10,000,000 worth of property, and those in Louisiana are assessed 'on $30,000,000 worth. The report of the Geological Survey just published shows that the produc tion of minerals in the United States reached last year the enormous value of $465,000,000. the largest yet recorded in any country and about $45,000,000 greater than the year previous. Thk Legislature of Washington Territory has sent a memorial to Con gress asking tbat faw.uju be appro priated to improve the upper Columbia lo d to remove from the stream the obstacles to navigation, especially be tween that part of the river where the Colville river empties into the Colum bia and the Snake river, a distance of m me 300 miles. Aw -GEff. Drtm has sent a commu nication to the Senate regarding Fort Canbv. which post it is proposed to abandon. He estimates the improve ments at the post to be valued at $46,680. Gen. Drum also calls atten tion to recommendations made by the commander of the department of the Columbia, that the fort would be a most important point to fortify in case of war. A corbebposdbxt in Kome has fur nished an interesting description of the gifts to Pope Leo on the occasion of his jubilee. He says the gifts have some in rapidly : that two additions have already been made to the build ing in which they are to be exposed. So far 7,000 cases have been handled, and the end is not yet. Up to Jan uary 13, presents to the value of $10,- 000,J00 have passed through the hands of th Vatican inspectors. Even that sum has been "exceeded in money The United States has outstripped every other country in cash donations, The exact sum of the whole money gift cannot be ascertained, all the con tributions not being yet in hand. Iw a letter to the Secretary of the Interior, the Surveyor General of Wash inzton Territory states that he is con vinced thaw no less than iza townsnips should be surveyed at 11AV aA id a .V V a .- - w once, and estimates the cost at $125,- 000. He states that the increased raroi nam A1 in th estimates of his office for the ensuing fil year, vii. $16 for township and $7 for aection lines, are less than the work can be done for in the rough and heavily timbered country in his district, and recommends that the augmented rates provided by section 2405 of the revised statutes may be allowed. a he (sur veyor General lo recommends an appropriation of $15,000 for clerical in hi office, and $2,500 for contingent expenses. l nere is In Griffin, Ga., a small. iat child ot remarkable gravity of de meanor and of an investigating turn of mind. The other day he climbed to the cow-catcher of a locomotive, and then when it was in motion, fell off. With rare presence of mind he lay perfect! still until the entire train had passed over him. The experience pleased him, and the next day he went down to the depot, and. unseen by the engineer lav down on the track and waited ihere until the train passed over him. He is now pining in the seclusion of the OREGON NEWS. Everything of General Interest in a Condensed Form. Staggers among horses is prevailing along the foothills in Marion county. Wild animals are getting away with good many sheep in the vicinity of Dora. There were fifty marriage licenses issued in Grant county during the past year. A Methodist Episcopal Church has been organized in Albina by Eev. G. M. Pierce, with 39 members. Eli Johnson, of Quarts valley, Lake couny, has succeeded in killing eigh teen deer and two large cougars tnis winter. In the trial at Corvallis. Judge Bean held that the M. E. church south had no interest in the college farm and could not maintain a suit for it. Postmaster Roby, of Portland, has fifty-nine persons on his pay roll, in cluding thirty-one postal clerks, and he disburses monthly the sum of $4,672.80. Dr. William H. Watkins, while at tending the customary Thursday ev ening prayer meeting at the Taylor street (Portland) Methodist Church, fell dead of heart disease. On account of the case of scarleC ever in town and the unpleasant weather, the directors have thought it best to close the school at this place for a short time, says a Joseph paper. Near Crawfordsvill, Sylvester Coch ran Killed a large cougar while out hunting deer. He saw a deer lying down and was just in the act of shoot ing it when the cougar jumped out of a tree on to the deer. Governor Pennoyer has determined to strictly enforce the rule of the ex ecutive department to the effect that no personal solicitation or importunity will be considered in reference to ap plications for pardons or commutation of sentences. James Brown raised eighteen acres broom corn in Goose lake valley last season, and while the corn is not long as can be grown where the seasons are longer, it is of good quality. The corn was raiced nearly o.OUu feet above the level of the sea. The little 2-year-old daughter of Jack McCullom, of West Yaquina. fell into a tub of boiling water during the temporary absence of her mother from the room. The little one sat or fell into tbe tub backwards, and was scalded the entire length of her body. In spite of all efforts she died two days later. State Superintendent McElroy has decided to appoint Dallas, Pulk coun ty, as the place to hold the next teach ers' institute for the Third judicial district, embracing Marion, Linn, Yamhill, Polk and Tillamook counties. The institute will open Tuesday even ing, Apnl 3d, in tbe new city hall at that place, and continue for three days adjourning the eveniag of April 6th. The little steamer Gleaner, Captain Captain Peter. Jordan, plying between Astoria and the mouth of Deep river, was capsized near Astoria. Seventeen persons in all were on board the cr.ift, and all but four were saved. The vic- ims were Jacob Rennell, of Salmon river; Miss Mary iiolt, of Astoria, and Miss Wilma and an unknown wood- chopper of Deep river. The steamer sank in 25 feet of water and it is thought will prove a total loss. The State Bo.ird of Land Commis sioners, at its last session, reversed the rulings of former boards in one very important particular. It ruled in the case of an applicant for a deed to 1,280 acres of State land for which certifi cates had been issued for four other parties, who made an assignment of such certificates to the party applying for the deed, that such deed could not be issued to him, as under the law the amount of State land liable to be pur chased by any one party is limited to d20 acres. A German boy about 12 years ot age was frozen to death near the farm of A. N. Brown, in Rye valley. It seems that the boy and his father, who is employed to watch the property in the Gold Ridge mine, had been to Express and were returning home when they were overtaken by a fearful snow storm. - iiecoming bewildered they both left the team and wandered around in the snow, the boy freezing to death as stated. The boy's father made his way to the ranch of Mr. Brown in an almost helpless condition, and on learning the particulars Mr. Brown at once took up the trail and after traveling a mile or more, found the lifeless body of the boy. At Independence, Miss Symmie Antle was mortally stabbed by her stepfather, Wm. Landreth. The mur der was as fiendish in conception as it was horrible in execution. With 14-inch knife the inhuman wretch entered the girl's room, and notwith standing her screams and desperate resistance deliberately butchered her by striking fourteen blows upon the body and head. Anyone of four ot the wounds would have been fatal, One cut penetrated almost through the head. The mother and two of the boys were aroused and interfered, but too late to prevent the murder. One of the boys (Wilburn, aged 13,) picked up a loaded shotgun, and while struggle was in progress between his father, mother and brother, watched his chance to shoot the unnatural father. Landreth fled, and the older brother disarmed Wilburn before he could accomplish his purpose. Land reth was captured, taken before a Jus tice and bound over, without bond, to await action of the grand jury, which meets in June. He is now in jail at Salem. What He Can Not Draw.l "Sea that man sitting over there?1 said a man in the smoking car; "that man. lr. is one of the best artists in this conntrv. possessing wonderful talent: and now, look at him. He i poor and wretched. The great trouble with him has always been that be ws utterly unable to draw one thing, and tha the one of simplest things in tha world, which any school -boy oan draw." "What is UP" A sober breath." Praia' Travel- ars' Magazine - ITALIAN STATESMAN. Slgaor Franeaaeo Crl.pl. President mt Ital's Council of Minister. Signor Urispl, Prime Minister of Italy, has been a familiar figure In Italian politics since 1861, when he was elected for Palermo to sit in the Chamber of Deputies at Turin, the first Parliament of the new Kingdom of Italy. At that period Venice and the Quadrilateral, Including Yerona and Mantua, still remained under the Austrian Empire, while Roma was held by a French garrison for the Pope. The revolution in Sicily and in Naples, expelling Francis H., had been effected by the victories of Gari baldi. in the preceding year. Among its moat active local . supporters at Palermo was Francesco Crispi, a young barrister, who was born at Sibera, in Sicily, in October, 1819, and had, in 1848, taken part in the insurrection provoked by the tyranny of King Ferdinand, the "Bomba" of popular detestation. That insurrection was suppressed, in Maple and Sicily, by an army of Swiss and ; other foreign mercenaries. Some who had. like young Crispi, taken up arms with the Insurgents, made their escape to France, but came to Piedmont or Genoa when the era of constitutional liberty for Italians was opened by the administration of D' Aacglio and con firmed by that of Count Cavour. In 1833, France and Sardinia having de clared war against Austria and prora ted the liberation of all Italy, the petty governments of Central Italy were overthrown by popular demou- strr.ticms; and ;i the autoran of I860 the expedition of Garibaldi from Genoa, which was accompanied by Crispi, speedily effected the downfall of the Bourbon dynasty. Crispi fought as a soldier or the liberty of Sicily, and held office in its provisional gov ernment till its annexation to the Kingdom of Italy. He appeared In the Italian Parliament as the right-hand man of Garibaldi, whose views were pposed to the policy of Cavour. and who loudly demanded an Immediate attack on the remaining Papal domin ion, at the cost of war with France, for the conquest of Rome, and a re newal of the war with Austria for tbe deliverance of Venice. Crispi con tinued for many years as a leader of the "Extreme Left," or Democratic party, while he showed constant hos tility to French influence In the affairs of Italy. But, since the independent position of Italy among the European powers has become secure, and since the acquisition of Venice, In 1866, and of Rome, in 1870, satisfied the aspira tions of Italian nationality, the grounds of those party differences have been removed. Signor Crispi, In 1876, was electe-5 President of the Chamber of Deputies. Tbe lata Sigubr Depretis. Premier of Italy, called Crispi to office as Minister of Foreign Affairs. - On the death of Depretis. Crispi became President of the Council of Ministers. Chicago Inter Ocean. HUMAN NATURE. Aa Incident Provla That It la Btrvafly R.pr.a.a ta-ct ia Ecery Man. The talk one hears on the street all tends to convince one more and more that there is a great deal of human na ture in man. This is what a special examiner of the United States Pension Office told me to-day while waiting for a street-car: "I was examining and taking evidence in a pension claim in Nebraska last summer. The claim ant belonged to a little country charoh, and the witnesses were the pastor and several members of his church. It was beautiful to see tlu- clearness and directness with which they all testified and swore that the claimant had been unable to do any work on his farm for five or ten years. The story was becoming monotonous until I visited tbe home of an age I elder in the church, who was some what deal I explained to him my office and my business very carefully. and then took down his sworn state ment concerning the claimant and his disabilities. But to my great surprise he testified that the claimant, whom he had known intimately for fifteen years, had never seen a sick day, nor mi wed a day from work, in all that time. 1 cross-questioned him rigidly. but only made him the more emphatic in his former statements. So he sigred the deposition, and I administered the oath, and was taking my departure, when he asked me, in an uncertain. anxious way: 'Ain't you an insurance agentP' "'Ain't you going to insure his lifer V hen I undeceived bim he looked very miserable, but did not offer to retract hia statements." Chi cago Journal. Quick Promotion. A Dutchman whose son had been employed in an insurance company1 office was met by an acquaintance, who inquired: Well, Mr. Schnider, how is lians getting along In his new placer "Shoost shnlendid; he vas Ton off dem directors already." "A director! I never heard of such rapid advancement the young man must be a genius." "lie vas; he shoost write a shplen- didhandtt" "Oh, yes, plenty of people write good hands, but you said Hans was a director!" "So he vas" (indignantly) "he di rect dem cirgulars ten hours efery day already." IomW Companion. At the Benevolent home in Atlan ta, Ga.. a patient who had a cancer it bis stomach v as kept alive for week? by nilro-glyceri;io The explosive wa: placad ou his touguo and absorbed iu to his system without being swal lowed. At Emperor William's recent visil to Gastein he found on his table letter addressed in Very large char acters, which proved to be from the hand of his five-year-old great-grand son William. An inclosure by his mother assured the Emperor that no one had dictated or even looked at the letter, the first production of the writer. "I fully believe it," the Em peror smilingly said, "for if she had seen it she would not have allowed it to be sent In six lines my great- grandson makes nine demands," AN HOUSE-FURNISHING HINTS. Palnta for Economical Ladtaa With Anol flea ta tha Faaaloa Jrapara of To-dajr. It frequently happens that women of taste, desiring to furnish their homes in an elegant manner, have not the neces sary means to do so. To all such I would say: Do not despair. In th absence of the : money, which would make it easy to purchase the article desired, you must use your brains and economize. To a woman about to go to house keeping with limited means. I would reoommend the example of a friend of mine who recently went to Florida to five, and who had to make tha beet of a not plethoric purse. bhe had not the means i nrckase a enpboard, but she took the big box her piano time In and set it in the corner of the kitchen, with the opening in front. After panerinrit inside and ont with comparatively inexpensive wall paper, at forty cents a bolt, a carpenter was called in, at only three dollars and fifty cent a day, to nail narrow strip of board inside for cleats, with board sawed the right length placed across for shelves. The space underneath made a nice roomy place for the firkins of raspberry am. guava jelly, imported marmalade and other necessaries. The carpenter also made a smaller box, placed ou the top, and corresponding in length with tna lower one. That was similarly papered, and a shelf put in about half way between the upper and lower part bo sne nad three deep long shelves for her silver, besides space at the bot tom for her china. Covering the whole front of this neat and convenient cupboard was a bro caded silk plush curtain, arranged to lide easily back and forth by ring running on a brass rod. The rings cost but five cents each, tha brackets fifteen cents each, and the rod two dol lars. She obtained the silk plush at a bargain four dollars per yard. Eight yards sufficed, making tha total cost only about thirty-five dollars. As chairs were scarce, she covered soap-boxes and the like with silk plush of a handsome shade, which made quite styush-lookuig seats. H?r work-staad is made of a little deep, narrow box. one side being used tor the top. of course, with neat strips of board, painted dark brown, nailed on tho ends for legs, and a stand cloth of antiqne lace over satin was sufficient to hide the interior. This stand cloth eost but eight dollars and twenty-five cents. The box that her statuary group Coming to the Parson" came from the factory in. has always been kept at a pedestal for that statuette, as it is at high and large across as a suitaUe stand would be. . It was covered first with stiff paper, to give a smoother sur face, and then with an elegant plush and gilt cover, which cost but seven dollars and fifty cents. Altogether, il forms as pretty a piece of furniture at a stand made at the factory would do. One not used to any thing but the regulation chamb?r sets would be sur prised to see what pretty substitutes can be got up after the same general tyle the tables, with their dainty toilet accessories; the stands, with their pretty vers and splashers. My friend pre fers the real articles, of course; bu: when they are lacking she will have a. pretty and convenient substitutes as she can get. Barrels are also utilised in a pretty way. Abe one upon which Daisy keep her mnsic looks quite pretty, covered as it is with antique lace over satin. O. course, the inside is used for storage. If it were not for taking up too much room I would speak of her shelving in detail. There are so many places where a shelf or bracket, even of carved wal nut, is an added convenience, and all ansightliness is removed by putting on a crochet ted cover or a China silk scarf. It makes me Inwardly groan some times in visiting friends to see then unhandy housekeeping arrangements. tiaking their work so needlessly hard. tthen a little planning and contrivance uB their part would make such a differ ence, and be so economical. William C Mirilvr, in Fuck. LUCIFER MATCHES. AV German Story Rotating- to their Inrei tlon by a Political Prisoner. According to a German paper, the inventor of lucifer matches was a po litical prisoner, who perfected his idea In 1833, within the walls of a state prison. Kammerer was a native of Ludwigsburg, and when sentenced to six months' imprisonment at Hohenas- berg, he was fortunate enough to at tract the notice and to gain the favor of an old officer in charge of the prison. who, finding he was studying chemis try, allowed him to arrange a small laboratory in his cell. Kammerer had been engaged in ' researches with view of improving tbe defective steeping system, according to which splinters of wood, with sulphur at the ends, were dipped into a chemical fluid in order to produce a Same. If the fluid was fresh the result was sat isfactory; but as it lost its virtues after a time, there was no general disposi tion to discontinue the old-fashioned system of using flint and steel. After many failures Kammerer began to ex periment with phosphorus, and had al most completed his term of imprison ment when he discovered the right mix ture and kindled a match by rubbing it against the walls of his cell. On com ing out of prison he commenced the manufacture of matches. Unfortunate ly the absence of a patent law prevent ed his rights from being secured, and on Austrian and other chemists analyz ing the composition, imitations speedi ly made their appearance. In 1835 the German states prohibited the use of these matches, considering them dan gerous. When they were made in England and sent to the continent these regulations were withdrawn, but too late to be of any benent to tbe in ventor, who died in the mad-house of his native town in 1857. Interior. Prof. Tnmas, an European physi ologist, has dhown that vomiting is the result of irritation of a space in the medulla oblongata about one-fifth ol an inch long and one-twelfth wide, and believes that tha brains of ruminants. rodents and other non-vomiting ani mals lack this "vomiting center." Arkantaw Traveler, PITH AND POINT. A little Burlington boy gave, as the definition of cupidity, "lova-sick-ncss." Burlington Free Press. -The preacher tells you that yon should marry for love, and yet be of te n marries for money. -Tankers Stales man. All advice abont how to spend money and how to keep it is thrown away on tha person who does not know how to get it. O. Picayune. The best ' "recommend" that a servant can have is a permanent place combined with a deep-seated determin ation to stay there. Puck. . 'The cockroaches in this house are remarkably versatile.' said an actor at a hotel table, picking up a biscuit. 1 notice that they appear in different rolls every morning." When an absconding Chinese banker is captured his bead Is careful ly removed to make sure that he has none of the missing gold hidden away . his hollow teeth. Fall Biver Ad vance. : ' "Excuse me, sir." he said, "but I lodge, from your erect and soldierly bearing, that you have seen service?" Yis sorr, Oi ye seen service." was the " reply. "Oi'm footman for Misses Pa ra n Vendomo." Epoch.' A friend writing from Virginia, and describing a recent colored pro tracted meeting, says: "What the brethren lack in inspiration they make npin perspiration." Harper' Bazar. -An old philosopher says that he as often seen a man pleased at being thought to be la advance of his age; but he never heard of a woman who was pleased at being supposed to be In advance of her age. N. T. Ledger. Wae n the girl who has encouraged young roan lor several years sud- ienly tells him that she can never be more than a sister to him. he can for ' the first time see the freckles on her sose. Chicago Saturday Evening Eer- tld. Customer (getting measured) ' 'How much are these trousers going to cost me?" "Tailor "Twenty-two iollars, sir. How many pockets do fou want In them?" "Customer 'None. I won t need any pockets af t- ir I've paid for the trousers.", N. T., THE NEW PHONOGRAPH. What Mr. Eataoa. Claim, tor Bl atractod "Talking- Machino. The statement that Mr. Edison has perfected his phonograph and given it . practical value is not so startling as the invention itself was when originally produced, some ten years since. With telephones, electric lights and electric railways, we are becoming accustomed to departures from tradition, and a new invention must be very remarkable in deed to excite any more than momen- ... tary surprise. We are not quite sure that the public would be much stirred from its customary equanimity if the Keely motor were shown to a working practicability, though this, we confess. would be a pretty strong test of the -theory suggested. " But whether startling or not, the prospect of a working phonograph is a very pleasing one. Every body will re member what hopes of nsef nlness were built upon the invention when first brought out, and how those hopes were crushed when the inventor announced that it would never have any value save as a toy. Now the inventor assures the world that in its improved form the 'toy" will do all that was once hoped from it and much more. The man of business will no longer need stenog rapher or type-writer, but will be able to dictate directly to his phonograph, sending the impressions therein pro duced to his distant correspondent, who will reproduce them m his own instru ment. "Copy" for the printer will be . prepared in " the same way. The testi mony of witnesses will be so perpetu ated that on subsequent trials or hear ings it can not only be reproduced with absolute accuracy in its minutest de tails, but with all those individual characteristics of hesitancy, firmness. etc. which count for so much in esti mating the value of testimony. Masie Is to be the stronghold of the reconstructed phonograph as it was of the "toy.' Not only will it reproduce the human voice in its melodic or har monic efforts, but instrumental music of every kind. It will go so far, indeed. as to reproduce orchestral effects in such a manner that the critical ear can detect all the different instruments- readily as in listening to the orchestra itself. It is said, moreover, that one who is an adept in such matters can tell from the phonographic reproduc tion what make of piano was used la the orchestra. And as the phonographio sheets can be duplicated rapidly and cheaply H will cost the owner of a pho nograph practically nothing : to hear opera, operatic concerts, or the playing of the great violinist or pianists. - The effect may be bad on the opera houses. but the public at large will be greatly benefited and profited. Naturally there will be as soon as the new phonograph comes 'on the market a revival of the flood of comic suggestions with which the invention was originally greeted. We shall be told how useful the jealous husband or wife can make it and bow valuable it will prove in breach of promise cases, where the reproduction of tones is al most as desirable as of words. But the inventor can stand a good deal of this sort of fun chestnutty though it is if his invention is what he now declares it to be. Detroit Free Press. A gentleman in London thought lessly omitted to remove his cork legs before bathing. The laws of nature are seldom suspended in behalf of in dividuals, and they were not in this case. The gentleman was suspended instead. . In the water the legs at once assumed a superior position, and main tained the upper hand of the gentle man, so to speak, in spite of his most violent struggles. ; He would have been drowned had it not been for timely as sistance. - ! Captain A. IL Whetstone, of Rob inson Springs, Ala., has in his posses sion a trowel that his father, Rev. Jacob Whetstone, owned and Used in the year 1795. , He has also a chair which was one among the first hia father used after his marriage In 1789. This chair, Mr. Whetstone says, was made in South Carolina out of hickory wood. s 1 v parental baokyard. " .