t Expr LEBANON HE H VOLUME 1. She cbanon xprtsisi. ltaued every Saturday.) LEBANON, LINN CO., OKEGON, SATURDAY, MAKCII 20, 1887, J. H. STINK ., . riBLHIIEltS rRMs or BcssrairTtoN: One Yer K.t Month Three Mouths ri 00 (Payable in advance ) Tkkms or APVKKTISISa: (U-al) $J IH 1 5) One nqimrr, Itrst Insertion . . . Eai-h additional Inivrtitm (Un-al) Loral Kotlre. Jer line Is eents Regular advertisement Inserted upon llleral terms. JOB PRINTING: All dearrlpMona of Jo Printing dime on short ..mi... i ...... I uinV t'lr. iitr. Kuslnew lar '. Billheads, Letterheads posters er...exeeiited In foMl atyle anJ al Ulwest liYinjt pitees. CAN WOM F.N KlVAl m en ? As Aaaartlon In tho Am. mat I va by an Kml- aont Phyalelan. TllFllt JISWISLS. The Diamond Worn by rromlntnl Haw York rolltlclana. I stand bv tha statement that women could, bv training and change ot social custom, rival men. I am ready to ad nit that a race of women could be trained by whom leaving out the fac ulty of invention in mechanical con struction, about which there may be some reservation all the labors of men could be terformed. But I admit a fully that for such an end to be attained certain modification would be necessary which all persons might not enjoy nor feel Inclined to patronize. It is only fair to point out, without bins, what these modifications would introduce in to the civilized human family. The first necessary modification would have relation to dress. A pettieoatea genera tion could never do the full work of t generation whose limbs were free ot petticoat incumbrance. The practice on the stage tells us that. In long pet ticoats women could neither climb, race, drive engines, walk, ride, work at the bench, nor work at the lecture table, the school, or the laboratory, with the facility of men as men are at tired. Whatever, therefore, there is of elegance in the present form of female attire, that must be sacrificed to the necessities of competition with men in the work common to men. It may be that there is not much to be said against this change. It may be argued, even by women, that the pulling along of pounds' weight of clothes which lie on the grouud and require, for com fort, a page or waiting-maid to carry them, is a tax of the worst kind on Human endurauce; to women a plague, to men a joke. It may be that the modern woman's absurd fashionable dress, which turns her into a semi erect dromedary, is not all that could be desired; but for her to play her part as the rival of man in work she must change dress altogether, and be left as free of limb as men. If she is not to be eo far emancipated, then she bids fair to remain as she has been all along the course of time, a woman; a human be ing, by the common consent of man kind in relation to dress, restrained by dress; a woman proud of her grand robes, content to bear the weight of them, content to tolerate the incon venience of them, and content to suffer herself to be admired under all such unnecessary paius and penalties. To many women it would be a great sacrifice to give up these outward and visible signs of women's dignity and women's destiny, for dtgmty unit destiny in her case combine. The dress she wears under the regime of woman, the mother of men and women, is the sign of the destiny which holds her from the active work "of men, and which affords her the opportunity for bedecking her sell so as to fulfill her destiny with ele gance and fascination. Bui at work in creation to compete with men tho flow ingand embarrassing dress must go; the milliner must seek a new trade; ihr Kvtki of fashion must be consigned to the fashion of books; they must be placed on the shelf, and ingenuity of a new order must invent a new style of picturesque female clothing adapted to the new kind of life. If women are to spend their lives in occupations com monly followed by men they and the world must submit to another modifica tion. They must compromise also in the matter of what is called personal Politicians who flourished In "Boss" Tweed's time were considered small fry ndeed if they put in an appearance on momentous state occasions without diamond ornaments. The decoration that proved a citizen to be a true blue of the Tammany tribo was the Americtis Club tiger, with eyes of flashing bril liants. But if the golden tiger were there it made little difference whether his eves were diamonds, rubies, opals. or emeralds. Diamonds have always been in more general use among Democratic states men than among Kepuuueans, anu young aspirants lor power anu piace are more partial to mem man me oiu veterans. John Kelly never wore a diamond ornament, and in bis late years Samuel J. Tilden decked his per son with no other jewels man piain pearl studs. When a young man be wore diamonds in prolusion ot me most beautiful and expensive types, but he alwavs kept within the limits ot the severest taste. Abram S. Hewitt never wears dia monds, and neither does Theodore Roosevelt nor Henry George, in fact, the men who have filled the mayoralty chair during the last twenty years were, with scarcely an exception, remarkable Jeannette'a Hair. O. loosan the eurta lhat you wear. Jeannetta, l,.t ma tan) tny nana m your nmr, n.y For tha world In mn had no daintier sight Than your brown hair veiling- your shoulders winte. 1 was brown, with a smitten ifloaa, Jeannette, li wes Oner than the alia or noaa. my tw. Tas it thins to tx braided, ami Jeweled, and hissed. "Twae the loveliest hair In the world, my pet. My arm was the arm of a elown. Jeannetta, 1. wna sinewy, brlailed. anl brown, my pat, m waimly ami aof.ly ll loved tocir. Your round wblio inch and your wealth Ot trees. Tour beautlfnt plenty of hair, my pet. Your eyes hail a swimming glory, Jennnetta, H aifua- llif old. dear atory, my eij They were fray, wllh the euaatuned llwre or iheaky When tne trout leape qulrkeat to snap the fly, Aud they mulched your golden balr. And your Hps but I bava no wordj, Jeau- tlelie. They were fresh as tha twitter of birds, my pet. When the spring Is young and tha roses are wet With the dewilropa In each red wam a-t. And tbey suited your gold-brown hair, my pet. O. you tangled my life In your hair, Jean nelt". Twaaa li ken ami anlrien anara. mr Det. . . - -- - - ... ...j uut S gentle iua miieing", mj rm utu lm- for the simplicity of their dress and the absence of jewel ornaments ol a showy beauty. Dr. KicJtarason, tn juung fnan's Magazine. w 4i-w-- . e 'A A"' ' J y or expensive character. Mayors Grace. Cooper, Ely. and Uavemeyer never ap peared at the City Hall in diamond studs. Mayor Wickhaui displayed dia mond studs and collar buttons very fre quently, but Mayor Edson never wore them except in lull evening dress. Uoswell 1. Flower is a sworn enemy to diamonds as articles of persoual ornament- lie has been frequently heard to say: Persons who require jewels to show off their tioints. or to draw off attention " .... . .:.:! lroin natural ueiecis. are to oe piueu rather than complimented. Diamouds are all very well for sporting men aud liorse-joekevs. Notwithstanding this very positive expression of opinion. Mr. Flower is the owner of a beautiful diamond of the purest water, which he wears every day. It is set in a heavy gold ring worn on the second linger of his left hand. The diamond is always carried on the inside, aud cannot be seen un less the hand is oHued out. His inti mate friends suppose it to be nothing more than a main told ring. Mr. Flower wears it because it is a present trom bis wife. None of the judges of the higher courts in this jurisdiction make a show of jewelry, but it is different among the magistrates who pivside iu the police courts. J. Henry Ford has the reputa tion of being the bett dressed man on the police bench. He is a good judge of diamontls and owns many valuable sets. Justice llatterson wears diamond , studs regularly, aud Justices Murray anil Duffv occasionally. ! John J. O'Brien. Robert G. McCord, and Barney Biglin, the celebrated "boy I trio" of Republicans, emulate one I another in the size and quality of the 1 diamonds they display, "shed Shook, the lic-piiblicaii leader in the Fifteenth distrit u carries off the palm from them all. Everybody who frequents the Morion II. .me must have seen and ad mired Ins gl.OOO solitaire, which weighs lour aud a naif carats. Several of the statesmen who were elected to Congress recently are wearers of costly jewels. "Tim" Camp bell's Hiiirt-froul is covered over with a clu.-ter an inch square. His friends say the ciuter is composed of diamonds of pure water valued al t'j.iW, out uis Himcui toes ucclare they are paste jewels w inch can be duplicated in the Bowery tor it) irius. Cttugi-eMiiiaii-eIect Amos J. Cuui- miis a;ears in very Biuall and neat diamoti'l uuU on dress occasions, but CoiitrrcMtuian lruian A. fllernman luniks he is a big diamond himself and needs no foreign adornment. Bourke Cockrati has a liking for diamond studs. Gen. iSpiiioia and Lioyd Bryce are satis fied with diamond collar-buttons. Perry Belmont rarely displays a diamond, and then only very small studs in even ing dress. Tom"' Grady will sport diamonds in 1S88. The most gorgeous and beautiful dia- monds worn by" public men in this -iiy. which cannot be classed as loud, are probably those which dock the persons of Police Commissioner John J. Mo Clave and Richard M. Walters, the Tammany brave, Mrs. McClave wears a pair of diamond ear-rings which arouse envy in the breast of every lady in the house when she enters a theatre. As she twists her pretty head around hen the lights are turned low tney fiiore Kb! to eonilnue yur slave evermore. With my finger ei.meaiied la your hair, my pet. Thna ever 1 tlream what you were. Jeannette, With your II pa, and your eyea, and your balr, my p !. In the HHiknes of deaolale years t moan. A"d my tettra fall bitterly over the atone That "Vers j'uur golden h"lr, my twt. Min e O Rellley. "WHAT FOOLS ill 13N AUIV Mrs. Handy stood before her dressing-room mirror arranging her toilet for dinner, it was to be only the usual family repast, bnt she seemed to be taking extra pains with her apearance. as women generally do when they have a point to gain with their husbands. She listened rather nervously when ever the hall bell rang, and kept glanc ing uneasily at the little onuulu clock on the table. When the hands reached six, an expression of relief stole over her countenance; and then, as they crept slowly onward, it deepened al most to one of exultation. Five minutes past six." she murmur ed. "At least he won't be able to find fault with me now. How fortunate! Mary." to the girl who was passing the door, "bow is the dinnerP" "All right, mum." replied Mary, Vonsiderin' cook's new to the place. She's doin her best. Mrs. Handy gave the last deft touches to her frizzes, not so anxiously now as when she began her toilet, drew a luxurious chair to the window and commenced to read a novel, as she turned each leaf glancing impatiently at the clock. At length she ceased to read, and an expression of vexation settled upon her countenance. This is the second time in three months that he has been late for din friendly with Dick as you used to be. At least, lie doesn't come as often now as formerly," said Mrs. Handy, reproach fuijy. He has bad business to occupy him." Business again I You men have that word on the tip of your tongue as an excuse for everything. And that re minds mo that you have not told tne what business detained you to-uay twenty minutes past our dinner-hour. ' "l told you I was doing business for a. friend." "Was vour friend a a man or a woman P'' A man." "1 knew you would say that What was the use of asking such a question P" "Then why did you askP But, for mercy's sake. Flora, let us have done with this absurd talk and sit down to dinner. It Is half-past six." looking Again impatiently at bis watch. 1 shall not be able to eat a nmuth fut 1 wouldn't be surprised if you've been paying off some debts lor jewelry for some woman whom you call 'a friend. Nice friend for a married man! And now i and the poor childreu may beg lit vain for a little money to buy shoes to our feet " "I tell yon there Is no woman in the caset" said Mr. Handy, angrily. "And as you seem determined to make a fuss over the matter. 1 will inform you that the friend of whom 1 speak, and in whom I am much interested, has been engaged in some wild seculation. and been templed to make use of money not belonging to him " "There. I said so!" interrupted Mrs. Handy, triumphantly. "And you've been lending him money to replace what he sloie." '1 have lent him money, and have offered myself as security from the debts coutract " What! So. for the sake of a wretch like that vou have reduced your wife and children to beggary! Who is it. rray, that has made such a fool of you? have no patience with such mild minded folly!" cried Mrs. Handy, de fiantly. If" von roust know, madam." replied her husband, turnin full upon her, "it is vour brother. Richard Man ey." Mrs. Handy started as though she had received a blow. "Brother Dick? Oh. Ilenrv! you can't be in earnest, surely? You're uot speak ing toe truth?" I ant sorry to say that I am. Dick has been weak and imprudent, yielding to bad counsel and a moment's temp tation, but" his wife exhibited signs of swooning "don't worry over it- I have made it (til right, and there is now no danger of exiHure and disgrace; and. as to the rest, he has suffered too much not to be on his guard for the future." "And vou oh, Henry, how good and noble you are! And can vou ever for give vour unworthy wife?" The next moment the pair were lock ed in each others arms; and Mrs. Handy WIT ANIi HUMOIC she murmured to herself. "Real- was hysterically soboing out her emu- j ' A New Orleans gambler calls his assets "E Pluribus Uiium" won from many. Capital punishment Being oblised to sit with the girls. Burlington Free fren. A genius In Troy has Just Invented a stove that saves ' three-oiiHrtei of the wood, while the ashes it makes pays for the remainder. Huston liudgel. "Is the czar about to strike?" asks au exchange. What's the matter with Alexander? Does he want two hours a day and a 10 per cent raise? I ntla detphta CalL "Look here, Joseph, I have been ring ing an hour, and you've only just come." "Well, if 1 hadn't been here now you might have rung n good while longer." Judge. Why are you going into that dry goods shoo when there are so many nreltv irirls on the streetP" "My dear boy, I find counter attraction in there." BotUtn Budget. "Whom shall our daughters marry?" asks the Woman Journal. Yeu, dear, they might begin with a man. and if he don't answer they might try a cigar sign. -Jirseu Vtty Argut. A "1 thought you were a vegetarian, and now 1 see you eating muttou!" B "Well. I sin only au indirect vege tarian I eat the meat of such animals only as live on vegetable food." t'lte gende Btaelter. Young Physician "I assure you I shall be able'to cure you completely in a very short time, indeed. tMsibly in a dav or two." Enamored Patient O. there isn't the slightest hurry, 1 assure you!" Harper" iazar. A traveling man from the East sprung the following conundrum on a tiera d reporter the other day: "Why is a banana stand like the setting sun?" "Because the 'dago's' (day goes) with It." St. Jottph Uera'd. "Gracious!" exclaimed a rural lady with a surprised Ittok at Bartholin's big statue, "and is that the tiotidess of Lib erty? Why, 1 hnd no idea that she was so "much bigger than the rest of us wo men." Somstou n Herald, They were talking of the baby. V tail or 1 think he'll take after his father. Grandmother O, dear me! 1 hope not. Visitor (astonished) Why not, Mrs. Flighty? Grandmother llis father is in Canada Lou-ell L'Uten. "Now, Johnny, you remember that Lot's wife was changed to a pillar of salt because she turned aud looked back. Why did she turn and look b it k?" "O. Is' pose some oilier woman passed her with a new dress on." Humbler. Scrap of conversation between two ladies overheard ou a suburban train a few mornings siuce: So George is at Harvard uow?" "0. yes; this is bis second year, you known; he has just entered tue sycamore ciaaa. Aitv "You have insulted me, sir, and I demand an apolosrv." angrily said one politician to another. "HowP Inquired the other. "You said I was a liar, sir." "O, did IP" '"Yes. sir, you did, and I want an a oology." "Well, you can have it. I'll tako It back. 1 don't know whether you are a liar or not." "Thanks. Come, have something." Washington Critic Bagley "Ah, De Baggs! where art thou going with the hobby'horseP" De Baggs ""I is for little Jimmy, my yomi gest sprout." Bagley (sagely) It's' costly business to have children." Do Baggs (gloomily) "I should say so. Every time I si art out to buy a 10-cent toy I meet somebody I know and then away goes a dollar or two for cigars and beer." lkUadvtphta Call. It was at an evening party. Mr. D. St. George Smith was reciting a jxiem consisting of forty-six stanzas. Mr. Brown, a guest, comes in lnte. "What's going on? he whispered to llriggs. Smiih's reading a new poem. He has just tin' hed the thirtieth stanza, an swered Briggs, savagely. "What is the subject -the motive?' "I don't know what the subject is, but 1 susjiect his motive must iit revenge. 1 can't see any other reason for it- ' The Judge. Her majesty." writes a London cor respondent, "eats at slate dinners with out gloves. The reason for that is at once apparent. It enables her majesty to get a belter grip on the wing oi a chicken. In wrestling with the com mon lien of commerce at the dinner table she must be handled without gloves, or the battle is lost. Gloves would also l very much in the way when her majesiv desired to clutch au ear of corn by each end. Ihe lip and the lobe, so to speak, while she gnawed at it amidships. You see. there are a hundred emergencies lhat might arise liurinsr the progress of a state dinner wherein gloves would be in the way. - Brooklyn IC'tgle. lv. it is loo vexatious! Ihe dinner-hour tn. and he twenty minutes late! Aht there lie is at last!" The hali-bell had rung. Mrs. llandy slipped her novel behind a cushion and baste tied witn an air oi anxiety wwarui the door. "What is iu MarvP Anything hap pened? Oh." its she caught sight oi her husband, "it is you. is it?" "Certainly! Handy replied, cheerful ly. "Whom did you expect?" "How should 1 know? ' replied his wife, tragically. "It might have been a doctor or a" policeman or goodness knows what come to tell ine lhat my husbantl had been run over, or blown up with dynamite, or dropped dead in the stree'.. or a thousam- other horrible things. What else could 1 infer from your coining homo so laie? Mary, bring me mv hceiitboltle." Mary otieyed. and, seeing the storm brewing discreetly retired, but not far ther than the outside of the door. Mr. Handy, glancing at his watch, was at no loss to account for his recep tion. "Really, my dear, vou must excuse roe. 1 have been particularly engageu to-day with very troublesome business, which was not concluded till nearly six. It was to accommodate a friend, so you roust make allowance " "Oh. of course." his wife interrupted, you could accommodate a friend, for getting that your wife was at home suf fering sgonies on your account, to say nothing of tho dinner spoiling and the servants wasting their time in waiting. I am not blessed with a constitution of iron, and 1 must say that five minutes of such anxiety and suspense is enough to rob a woman of two months of her life." I am sor.-y. Flora; but, you know, this is the first time for some months that I have not been punctual. And glitter and sparkle like a lantern in the surely you would uot have me neglect Hon. J. M.. Rusk, who has been re elected Governor of Wisconsin, is the present incumbent of that office, having served two terms. He has been an emi nently efficient and popular official, but would not possibly have been nominated for a third term had he not been violent ly attacked by the Anarchist and So cialist element ior nis course during uw j riots last Spring in Milwaukee. Many j influential Democrats supported him, ; among them Judge A. Scott Sloan, Judge : Bralev, Alexander Mitchell, John Johns- j ton. President of the Chamber of Com- j merce; Abner Kirby, one of the pioneer ; Mayors of the city, George Hiles, a prominent lumberman, and many of the leading merchants of Milwaukee and other cities. Cuban planters keep a snake called the mat a for the purpose of catching rats, which duty it faithfully perform. chamber of a coal mine. They are gems of rare beauty and hisrh value. Captain Williams wears big diamonds in the evening, as docs also ex-Police Superintendent Kelso. Sheriff Grant cares nothing for diamonds, but Reg ister John Reillv. Tom Costigan. Nick Muller. Jim Barker. Roliin M. Squire, and Martin B. Brown love them dearly. Mr. Charles Sleekier, brother of the judge, wears a diamond solitaire val ued at $1,500. Lawyer William F. Howe wears a cluster" not quite as big as a buckwheat cake, and little Lawyer Hummel wears very neat diamonds. He received a present of a uew set from Lord Lonsdale. Joseph J. O'Donohue, the Tammany chieftain, wears very prettv diamond studs. Robert B. Noon ey, the President of the Board of Alder men, and Ilenrv W. Beekman. the j president-elect, both grace their bosoms witn emu-nun eeuu. " One of the most important industries of the day is the canning trade, ana Maryland and California are the prin einul cannin? states. Maryland alone irives employment to 60,000 persons in canning fruits and oysters, the estimate being 150,000.000 cans annually. The nrin ii:tl eaiiiiiiiw in California is fruit and salmon. Louisiana. Mississippi and Florida are :do assuming some importanc e in the canning of pineap ples, oi auses and similar products. T,.i:t. eonisis sav there is a marked falling otV in the cigarette habit in New York. Tue pipe is becoming the lasti I'ion again. mpoYtant business merely to avoid the slight annoyance of keeping dinner waiting for a few moments.' OU. no, certainly not," repuea nis wife, with a toss of her head. "I beg that you will never think of me in the least or take into consideration any trouble . - inconvenience that I may suf fer from having my household affairs disarranged, and being compelled to take mv meals at all hours of the day and night to the ruin of my health. If I had remained in my happy home with dear brother Dick instead of marry ing " And here Mrs. iianuy inteu ner uanu- kerchicf to her eves. "Flora," said Mr. llandy, impatient ly, "how can you be so absurd, merely because 1 happened to oe a tew mo ments late for dinner? I I beg your pardon. Mr. nandy. it was tM jfflecn minutes! A nice time for the head of a family to come home o dinner; and setting inch an example to poor innocent little Regie! The last time you were only ten minutes too late. If it goes on so, 1 have no doubt that it will be an hour next and then a day or a week, until it ends in your staying away altogether from your family." Pshaw! Flora, don't talk so fool ishly. tions on her husband's shoulder, while be gently soothed her. t ome, let us forget all this," he said kindly, and go to dinner at once, un less it is already spoiled. It is now a quarter to s. ven thirty minutes past our reeular dinner-hour. "Y-e-s." said Mrs. llandy. slowly, as she wiped the tears from her eyes, ap parently in no haste for the long-delayed meal "yea; but you know you came in fifteen minutes loo late." "Certainly; but you can forgive that now that yo'u know the cause?' "Of course I can! Only I only wish ed to explain lhat cook "was impudeut to-day. as vou know she has been be fore; so 1 thought best to order her right off and send to the registry office for another. The new cook didn t come until late, and I feared vou would be annoyed when vou came borne and found that Here Mrs. Handy colored, and looked rather embarrassed. "That what?" "That dinuer won't be ready till half past seven." Handv eazed at his wife in silence. then walked to the window and looked out His feelings were too deep for ex pression; yet he did mutter to himself: Of all created beings women are the strangest! And Mary, softly rising from her knees outside the door, repaired to the kitchen to inform the new cook of the state of things upstairs, and to remark sarcastically: She'll be as sweet as susrar now and WW the next tune! And, my patience. what fools men are. anyway! A Quest Ion of Speed. Jabe Mathis, of the Thirteenth Georgia, was a good soldier, but one tlav. when the Confederates were re- treating trom the gory ueiu oi oenys n.n,l, firatod a. little nervously some other ivorv-iawed monster .UilB. UitUU , mugvv - 1 - htirtr. Jabe threw his musket on ihe cround. seated himself bv the roadside. and exclaimed with much vehemence: "I'll be dashed if I walk another Btep! I'm broke down! I can't do it!" And Jabe was tho picture of despair. "Git up. man!" exclaimed his captain, "don't vou know the Yankees are following us? They'll git you. sure!" "Can't help it" said Jabe, "I m done for; 1 11 not walk another step!" The Confederates nassed alone over the crest of a hill and lost siffht of poor, dejected Jabe. In a moment there was a fresh rattle of musketry and a renewed crash of shells. Suddenly Jabe appeared on the crest of the hill moving like a hurricane and followed by a cloud of dust As he dashed past his captain that officer yel led: "Hello. Jabe; thought you wasn t coin? to walk any more?" "Thunder," renlied .Jaoe. as no nit tne mist wmi renewed viffor: vou don't call this walking, do you?"' Savannah Sews. Near Colusa. Cal.. recently an arrow point made of ivory was extracted from the breast of a erooso shot on the wing. As there are no savages nearer than the Arctic regions with whom ivory is plenty, the conclusion is that the arrow was made irom tne tooia oi a wairua or and with tha lace of her dress. "I've bad an idea that Dick might come to dinner. Have you seen him to-dayP" Yes," replied ber husband curtly. "Then why didn't you bring him to dinner? Seems to me you're not as shot into the breast of the bird by an Candidate for Coroner "Never mind, wife, when I get elected my fees will buv us all the comforts of lite." Wife "But John, suppose there are no sudden deaths?" Candidate for Coroner O. well, we won t look on the dark side." ltd-iitts. Gallant passenger (to fellow-passen ger) Will you please tell that woman that she can have mv seat? Woman (indignantly) 1 am not a woman, sir; 1 am a lady. Gallant passenger (bland ly) Not a woman? Excuse my mistake. Ihtladeiphta Call. Sue Fitzpercv has a large amount of airy persiuage, romarxeu tue nign- school girl. "Have you noticed it Amy?" "I noticed she had a tremen dous big bustle, Mildred, out t uidn t know the dictionary word for it" tWtsburg Chronicle-1 ttegraii. What have vou been doing to-day?" asked a younir man of the idol of his cardiac "region. "I've been watching mother darn clothes, replied the hrdv. and Ihe young man went off and won dered why her moiher needed watching darn close. San tmucsco AAa. Au unexpected comment: Piistor En I savs again, brederin , put not you trust in Kings!" Still small voice in congregation "Kigtil yon is, enne. right voh is. Aces is bettah. 'n dat's do reason 1'se come ter chu'eh wivout no obercoat dis tnawnin'." Tid-Uits. A Lvnn clergyman relates that on one occasion alter marrying a coupie au envelope was handed to him which he supposed, oi course, containeu ine iut-riage-fce. On ojnming it he found a slip of paper on which wits written: "We desire your prayers." Lynn (.Voss.) Item. "Did you gain flesh by going to the beach this year. Grantly "I did. indeed, Brownley; gained 125 pounds." "Pshaw! Impossible! "fact, my dear fellow. Come up to the bouse and I'll introduce you to her. We were married last Sunday." Charlestown Enterprine. We propose having a game supper at our church next week," exclaimed a spinster at tho opera-house entertain ment the other night; "uow, wnai ainu of game would you recommend? Well, if vou want to draw all the boys. suppose, vou try poker," calmly replied Joseph Pickle." Eimira Oazttte. A small bov on his first apinjarance in a oar sn school at nocnester. in. j... was asked if he knew the Lord's Pray er. He replied that he had never heard of it, whereupon an urchin at his side, with a friendly desire to uxcuse his ignorance, said to the teacher, "Please, ma'am, he's a stranger from Pennsylvania." Smallbore How did you manage to gel the Common Council to grant the franchise? Aid. Auger 'lhat was simple enough. 1 judiciously intro duced a few bills, that was all. Small bore A few bills in the Common Coun cil? Auger Yes, about twenty, I think. Ten $1,000 and ten $500. Sew York Graphic. "I would like to get my life insured in your company." said an aged man to the president of a life-insurance oom- . :uv.;", pany. "My near sir, we can i acwiu- Esquimau. or perhaps by an inhabitant Pf you have orjly a short time to live." "That's where yon are of those polar regions which our world has been unable to penetrate. The point had been in the flesh for some time, as the skin of the goose had grown ovar tha arrow. off. I'm the oldest inhabitant never knew him to die, did youP" replied the jolly old customer. Texa Sitings. 1I1STOUY OF Till: HUSTLK. ThtlmprliH Whleh H'rn It Throagh NaccMnIra Hue ot Oroatn. Now. we don't mean the great bust ness bustle which belongs to the early fall and winter trade, nor the great hustle f the humming and whirling marl, nt niatitifttfturino' energy. We mnnn tho erreat bustle of modern fash ion. Nothing has outstripped the bustle in its gig ntic stride for prodigious excel lence. It is paradoxical lhat this "out ward form" of fashion, which has never been literally in front has still left all mod' stic rivals behind. We can recall when this startlingly reproductive fruit received the distinct impetus whicn has borne it through successive stages to the present extraor dinary condition of development The bustle got a wondrous initios from an accident aud alarm of the war. We have inteutly observed its onward march toward immensity for more than twenty years; and, now that it has grown large enough to comprehend this wimmpiiturr. we pay to its his tor io origin our respectful compliments. The bustle oi the war periou in tue south was cut crescent-shaped, was band-sewed, and was theu padded through an open end with cotton or sawdust It was a modest unobtrusive bustle in its manners and when proper ly adjusted was quite invisible to the wearer and nearly so to tue worm. Like certain lunar eclipses, it could be viewed only from a very limited area. When Sherman's Christian battalions were beaten through the backways of Georgia and the Carolinas it was deemed, lor prudential reasons, best to deposit domestic treasure, such as money and valuables, where they would not confront these patriot It was not at first suspected that the soldiers would appropriate these effect, but it was feared that the gilt bric-a-brac, and brooch, and bracelet jewelry might at tract their admiration and impede their march by tempting them to stop and examine the precious wares. When brought into full rolief by pow erful field lenses it was at last seen that Sherman's Christian battalions were an armv of incontinent kleptomaniacs, aud that new ingenuities would be in constant need to escape their keen and acute methods of detecting the secret places of hidden treasures. Hiding places were numerous in truth, but their instincts for stealage were quite as diverse and many. At this crisis the bustle played toric part It became a safo-desposit for imperil ed jewelry possessions. Both cotton and sawdust bustles were now brought, into a new use. They were ripped and rid of their waste, and then were rewaddetl, but this time with small wares and valued gems. Two abnormal effects followed, the first being a disturbance of the symmetry aud gravity of the former bustle, the second being a mariteu increase in n proKrtious. This made it the more observable, and this, too, led to its eventual detect ion by certian of the sol diers, which discovery culminated in the theft of many bustles,;together .with their precious aud highly-prized con tents. What was next to do? Shrewd aud resourceful maidens soon fell upon another device. There was continual peril of loss while the bustles were worn iu their allotted places upon the person, but there was hope of escape for them if they could be successfully concealed elsewhere. But where, oh where? In the house? No! for Sher man entered with lurid fagots. In the woods? No! for his marauders roosted noon the boughs. "So the noble women resolved to bury their trinkets in the fields. The broad acres thus became the depository of their charms and treasures and the earth covered up their bustles. See yonder dune where the tasseled stalk is nodding to the breeze and you could hear the rustle of the corn-blade? Well, once you could hear the rustle of the bustle. See those tiny hills whence the hopeful germ of the happy potato is looking toward the sun? Well, those little hills were once sown broadcast with those beautiful suggestions of dromedarial architecture known in the parlance of worldly fashion as bus tles. . VThat became of them? ..; ... - - i NUMBER 5. We can not answer for them alL Nor can we repress the thought that had they all taken root and ripened and risen in luxuriant loveliness what a harvest of bustles there would have have been! But like other tender and precarious vegetation, bustles had to take lueir chances ana more, too. Some of them, as before, fell to the cupidity of Sherman s Christian sol diers, who relentlessly uprooted them; other, after the passage of military peril, were resurrected to be trans planted elsewhere, and others still, be ing unmarked, were never found by those who had hastily and hopefully eu tombed them. But a great and unexpected day bad dawned for bustles. Of the number that were left in the earth a vast pro portion of those which had been filled with sawdust in time took root and ex uberantly blossomed and nourished. Tnose which had contained cotton, however, went generally to seed. We would say here that irorn mis startling botanic phenomenon and the mpressive date and situation we nave been enabled to locate unmistakably the rise and progress of the American bustle; and we been convinced, too, that nothing short of the most pertina cious and painstaking care and watch fulness could have brought this indis-' pensable appurtenance of modern fe male beauty to its present extraordi nary size, vigor, aud variety. We have not space to luuy presen our deductions from the important cir cumstances that surround the bustle or from the beautiful physiological female creations that stand immediately in front of it We can not contrast the early and almost nnnoticeable product we saw pianien in tne past who iub prodigious and illimitable fruit of our days without the encroachment of won der upon our inouguis ana suuiime anu poetic tendency toward blank verse. U we view tue matter in a practical and dispassionate vein, we are forced to the conviction that bustles make a better crop for profitable or ornamental farming than breadstuff's. We believe there is no known abridgement to its dimensions, and that faithful and as siduous tillage will produce bustles of good quality quite as large at least as hot air balloons. There must be more money in a crop of bustles of this size than In several bales of cotton. When the bustle has been developed to iu probable limit we think the lady who wears one will escape recognition if not indeedobservation. On a re cent visit to Augusta our attention was called to a bustle of the pneumatic" species. This is a graft of the bulb va riety, and is filled with atmospheric oxy gen. It was propelling a young lady be fore it much as a perambulator is engi neered by a nurse. The bustle was the admiration of one of the main thor oughfares of Augusta. The lady turned to gaze upon the elegant stationary in the Chronicle windows. Being then on a profile the effect was at its best She wore a terra cotta chimney of bat and with the prolongation of her body growing out of the new "pneumatic ' bustle resembled very closely a rural summer cottage with a stove flue fixed at one end. Modisticiar has indeed trenched closely on anatomical perfec tion when an exquisite female form can be made to counterfeit a farm shanty with a ventilating shaft at the gable. The department of agriculture will confer a national blessing by distribut ing the seed of this bustle free. We should like to alternate the pneumatic variety of adjustable bustle with Ber muda grass or Bermuda onions. Ureensboro (Go.) Uatne Journal. his The Greatness of Garrett. The part that Robert Garrett bears towards the social life of Baltimore is large. He is rich, sociable and gener- -us. He is a constant contributor to private and public charities, and no worthy relief fund escapes without a large donation from him. Many Phila delphiaos know what his hospitality is. On unusual occasions his dinners are very splendid affairs, but it is when he entertains a half dozen friends, or more, at his country house that he plays the host in hi3 most genial and captiva ting way. No man is better known in Baltimore. It is a curiosity to see him walk np Charles street He wears a beaming smile and he seems to speak tt an nthnr twrson be meets. The quite as j otner d&y wnen be arrived from Europe he started from the tock Exchange to bis office, two squares distant It took him over two hours to reach his office, and when he did get there he had shaken two hundred or three hutidred hands and had talked to several hun dred persons without giving them the slightest reason why Baltimore and Ohio stock had jumped up a dozen points the first dav he arrived in Baltimore. As to Mr. Garrett's muoh-discussed clothes, it is sufficient to say that he is an ointnontlv well-dressed man. He is given to the acquirement oi tne uuesw things that money can buy. He has a new $500,000 house. He has splendid horses and he has handsome and styiisn clothes and plenty of them, but to call him a top is to do nim a great iujusuot. It may be added that he occasionally attempts speech-making, but the friends who know him best and who have heard his speeches give him no en couragement in this direction, for he is a modest man, and modest men are not always good orators. Philadelphia tress. - It is said that the exclamation "Rats! originated several years ago at a theatr in Chicago where a lot of raw Italian ballet girls were dancing. They were awfully afraid of mice and rats, and it was the favorite pastime of the Ameri can members of the company to frighten the ballerinis by yelling "Rats!" at them as they stood in the wings waiting to go on, and then enjoy their shouts o horror. By and by the word cams into use as a term of derision for a falsa alarm and the street got hold oi iu The geological survey proves that the Hoosac mountain, Massachusetts, is as little understood by scientific men as anv other range in the country. Five different specimens of rock are found there, and their formation is complex tnd intricate, so the surveyors say.