OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
May 2, 2022
Volume 32 Number 5
May 2, 2022
ISSN: 1094-9453
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MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
A case of
curious stares
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as anyone ever written a humor column
about having seizures during COVID?
Well, it looks like I’m about to try.
On top of the shared experience all of us have felt
during this pandemic, I dealt with a personal health
scare of my own. During one of the worst waves of
the coronavirus, I suffered a few
seizures. Thankfully, it had nothing
to do with COVID-19.
I’m doing fine now and am taking
medication for the seizures. At the
time, I decided to just get back in
shape since many of us were already
quarantined.
Before I go any further, I would be
remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that
the person who suffered the most during my scare
wasn’t me, but my wife Maya. She was the one who
witnessed what I went through, and she was the one
who made snap judgements on my behalf. Seizures
can be very serious, and perhaps the only benefit of
having one was that I really wasn’t present to
experience it.
After a few weeks of recovery, when I felt things
were getting back to normal, I had a telephone
appointment with my neurologist. Maya insists on
being on these calls because, well, that’s just the
nature of our relationship.
After discussing how the medication was working
(which was all good), we finished up with the one
question I had. Below is a summary of that
discussion with the doctor:
Me: Doctor, I’m a pretty regular tennis player and
I haven’t played since this thing happened. Do you
think I can start playing again?
Doctor: Yes! I don’t have any problem with you
playing tennis again.
Maya (in a very stern voice): Doctor, you don’t
understand. The way he plays tennis is ridiculous.
He absolutely hates to lose and he’ll kill himself out
there.
Me: Doctor, I think she’s editorializing a little
here ...
Doctor: (Sounds of laughter.)
Maya: He’s just crazy out there. He really hates to
lose and he’ll do anything when he’s out there. Are
you sure he should be playing? He thinks he’s
Rambo when he’s out there!!
To be honest, Maya didn’t actually mention
Rambo in the conversation, but it felt like she did. At
the time, I was thinking, “Well, who likes to lose?”
Let me add that I love my wife. She is my hero. My
only concern was that she wouldn’t let me be
involved in the next telephone appointment with
H
my doctor.
So I get the green light from the doctor to play
tennis again. And most importantly, I get the green
light from Maya as well.
As things began to return to normal for me, I
gradually noticed that my friends were asking how I
was doing. That’s normal enough, but
there were a lot of questions (and
curious stares), so I wondered if there
was something else going on. I soon
found out that Maya had been
updating our friends on my condition.
Here’s the thing. Maya is from
Taiwan, and as a matter of fact, while
English is her second language, her
English is really, really good. Her
conversational English is amazing also. The bottom
line is that her English is terrific.
Still, there are some nuances to English that even
the best of us might miss, especially if it isn’t one’s
first language.
When I had the seizures, the neurologist ex-
plained to Maya and the family what was going on.
Seizures can be very serious, even life threatening.
When Maya told me about some of her conver-
sations with friends, she said she told them that
because of the seizures, “Wayne has brain damage.”
At that point, I said to Maya, “I don’t think you
should be telling our friends that I have brain
damage!” She replied, “Well, sometimes you get in a
bad mood and you’ve been forgetting things.”
I said, “Sometimes I get in a bad mood because
we’re stuck at home and we can’t go anywhere
because of COVID. And while it’s true that I
sometimes forget people’s names (which I do), I was
doing that before the seizures! That is not the same
as having brain damage!”
I have no idea how many people Maya told that I
have brain damage, but I thought I should put out a
blanket statement that:
1) I am doing fine and getting in good shape, and
2) As far as I can tell, I don’t have brain damage.
Thanks for your attention. (By the way, I double-
checked all the grammar and spelling in this
column twice just so I don’t inadvertently confirm
anyone’s suspicions that Maya might be on to
something.)
Upon seeing that I took umbrage to Maya’s
characterization of my situation, she decided we
needed to talk. She asked, “Well, what should I call
it if it’s not ‘brain damage?’ ‘Brain trauma?’”
I said, “Why do we have to call it anything?”
Humor writer Wayne Chan lives in the San Diego area;
cartoonist Wayne Chan is based in the Bay Area.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.