The Asian reporter. (Portland, Or.) 1991-current, November 05, 2018, Page 6, Image 6

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    OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
November 5, 2018
Volume 28 Number 21
November 5, 2018
ISSN: 1094-9453
The Asian Reporter is published on
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Publisher Jaime Lim
Contributing Editors
Ronault L.S. Catalani (Polo), Jeff Wenger
Correspondents
Ian Blazina, Josephine Bridges, Pamela Ellgen, Maileen Hamto,
Edward J. Han, A.P. Kryza, Marie Lo, Simeon Mamaril,
Julie Stegeman, Toni Tabora-Roberts, Allison Voigts
Illustrator Jonathan Hill
News Service Associated Press/Newsfinder
Copyright 2018. Opinions expressed in this newspaper are
those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
Member
Associated Press/Newsfinder
Asian American Journalists Association
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Pacific Northwest Minority Publishers (PNMP)
Philippine American Chamber of Commerce of Oregon
MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
A tycoon’s to-do list
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t’s not easy being insanely, crazy, filthy rich,
but somehow, some way, I’ll manage.
You see, when the numbers were drawn for the
recent Mega Millions lottery, which had not been
won in months, it was worth more than a billion
dollars. When nobody won that drawing, the next
one was just shy of 1.6 billion dollars.
It just so happened that in all those months of no
one winning, I hadn’t even bothered to play. When
the jackpot tipped over a billion dollars, I figured,
sure, why not? I’m in for $20.
I even threw in another $20 for the $1.537 billion-
dollar one. I was sure I could win.
I’d read somewhere that the odds of winning a
big-dollar lottery drawing was well over 300 million
to 1. But since I didn’t even bother to play any of the
previous ones, I figured my chances were really
more like a trillion to 1. Since investing (yes, I said
“investing”) my hard-earned cash, I guessed my
chances were now … 300 million divided by 40,
carry the four. So maybe 50/50.
I thought that by the time you read this column, I
would have already returned from the 7-Eleven
where I bought my tickets. I’d envisioned them
having big bills on hand so it would not take me a
ton of trips to collect my prize.
Since I was pretty optimistic I would win the
billion-dollar drawing, I also started planning.
After all, it’s not all fun and games. I have
responsibilities to take care of.
First, we have kids. I needed to be sure I took care
of them — one million. That would do it. Now on to
the $999,000,000 I’d have left.
Next: Our home. We live in a nice home in the
suburbs with terrific neighbors. The only problem?
That mortgage. I’ll pay a monthly mortgage until
the year 2058 before the house is completely ours.
But now, with my newly acquired tycoon status, I
can pay off the whole mortgage and do a few
renovations to boot. I always get a sore back after
I
playing tennis every week. How did I ever manage
without a built-in sauna in my house? What am I, a
barbarian?
And then there’s our pool. Nothing really wrong
with the pool, but how on earth did I ever survive
having a pool without a swim-up bar so I can play
poker while sitting in the pool? It doesn’t really
matter that I don’t drink or really ever gamble. I
also need the bar to make room for the automatic
French-fry dispensing machine.
And let’s not forget the car. I usually drive a 2007
Dodge Ram pickup. That has to go. Let’s go with the
stretch SUV limo with the built-in pinball machine.
And while I’m at it, include the automatic French-
fry dispensing machine option as well.
As a matter of fact, let’s just simplify things. For
everything else on my tycoon wish list, just add the
words “include the French-fry option.” I know what
it means.
For those who are thinking I was getting a little
ahead of myself — well, maybe so.
As many people now know, I did not win the big
jackpot. (Someone in South Carolina bought the
winning ticket.) I know, it’s unfathomable to me
that I lost. But what do I regret not having?
Actually, not all that much. I can’t imagine
having a more perfect partner in my wife, regard-
less of how much money I have. Same goes for my
son, who seems to be really making his way in
college. My two developmentally disabled kids, even
with their challenges, are healthy, happy, and doing
well.
I have neighbors who lined up to deliver home-
cooked meals to us when I had a minor operation. I
have friends who call just to say hello. And my
extended family makes an effort to stay in touch
because, well, that’s just what families do.
If you think about it that way, I guess it doesn’t
really matter what happened in the drawings. I’ve
already hit the jackpot.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
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Give blood.
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call 1-800-G IVE-LIFE or
visit HelpSaveALife.org.