OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
February 6, 2017
Volume 27 Number 3
February 6, 2017
ISSN: 1094-9453
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MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
Roses are red …
and they’d better be
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hh, I love that spring is right around the
corner. When the birds are chirping, the
flowers are blooming, and the gophers in my
backyard seem to even leave my wife’s rose bushes
alone.
Speaking of roses, the upcoming spring bloom
must also mean it’s that time of year again —
Valentine’s Day!
And now comes all the pressure.
Pressure, you say? Well, yes, and let me explain.
I’ve been married for nearly 30 years now. The
first few years, Valentine’s Day was a fun,
romance-filled day for two young people in love.
Now? We’re still in love, I’ll have you know. Any
woman who can put up with her husband buying a
dorky-looking, battery-powered, portable air
conditioner that wraps around his neck and can still
bear walking next to him must truly be in love.
Truth be told, I threw that thing out because I
couldn’t stand the looks of people (and by people, I
mean mainly my wife) staring at me while I was
wearing the ridiculous contraption.
But Valentine’s Day, it used to be so simple. Buy
her some chocolates. I love her. She loves me. Easy
peasy.
But after a few years, chocolates just don’t have
the same panache. And besides, with everyone
nowadays so apprehensive about what we eat,
giving a gal a box of chocolates is like wishing them
a diabetic sugar bomb.
Do you know how many calories there are in just
one of these chocolates?!? And whoa! Look at all
those carbs!
Sorry, dear.
How about a bouquet of red roses? Roses are fine,
but after a few years of roses, it’s become
predictable. Besides, I have a bit of an issue
spending $75 on a bouquet of roses that won’t keep
growing, just ends up being thrown away, and you
can’t even slice up and make into a nice warm
A
chowder to feed your family.
I generally prefer gifts that have dual uses.
So, what does a guy do to try and top himself every
year for Valentine’s Day? It’s not easy. There’s a
virtual landmine of cultural no-nos waiting for any
type of gift out there.
How about yellow roses instead of red? In Chinese
culture, yellow roses are what you might give to
someone if you’re planning to break up. That’s
problematic. In western culture, yellow roses are a
symbol of friendship and optimism. Friendship and
optimism? Are we husband and wife or pen pals?
Here’s another no-no: In Chinese culture, giving
someone an umbrella as a present is another sign of
breaking up, so that’s no good. And even if it weren’t
a sign for breaking up, how would that look?
Hi sweetie, Happy Valentine’s Day! I got you this
umbrella! And for your birthday next month, I don’t
want to give away the surprise, but go ahead and
throw your old rain boots away!!
But speaking of footwear, even if my wife would
actually appreciate a new pair of rain boots (which, I
can tell you right now, she wouldn’t), giving a pair of
shoes for Valentine’s Day is culturally unac-
ceptable as well. Chinese tradition says that giving
a pair of shoes implies “packing away” your love.
Sheesh!
I’ve also read, though, that if you give a pair of
shoes then ask the recipient to refund you one
dollar, it breaks the curse.
So, let me get this straight … If I give my wife a
pair of $500 Jimmy Choo designer shoes, and she
gives me back one dollar, then it’s like she bought
the shoes instead of me giving it to her? She just
bought a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes for $1?
I don’t think so!
OK, I’ve got it. Gift card! You can’t offend anyone
with gift cards, right? It might not be the most
romantic thing, but then again, I wouldn’t have
inadvertently broken up with anyone, either.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
Celebrate
The Year of the Rooster!
January 28, 2017 to February 15, 2018
The Asian Reporter’s Lunar New Year
special section in honor of the Rooster Year is
available online at <www.asianreporter.com>.