OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
September 5, 2016
Volume 26 Number 17
September 5, 2016
ISSN: 1094-9453
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n Wayne Chan
The mundane Olympics
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ow that the Rio Olympics are behind us, I
think this is a perfect moment to take stock
of many of the brilliant performances as
well as how the entire Olympic movement can play a
part in our daily lives.
It seems to me that with every gold medal, every
stunning finish, and every amazing physical
achievement we witnessed in Rio, there are also
times when those of us who aren’t Olympically
inclined can celebrate accomplishments of our own,
with or without medals hanging around our necks.
Take Michael Phelps as an example. I’m as
astounded as anyone that he pulled in another five
gold medals to go along with the 18 gold medals he’d
already won. Yet was that feat — as impressive as it
was — really more amazing than the five times I
had to go back to Home Depot because I kept
grabbing the wrong tub spout to replace the broken
one in my kid’s bathtub?
How, you ask, could that be as big an accomplish-
ment as the swimming of Michael Phelps?
Well, did Michael Phelps stub his toe while trying
to unscrew the old tub spout? Did Michael Phelps
have to endure the puzzled stares of the Home
Depot folks wondering why I kept buying a new tub
spout just to drive back 30 minutes later to
exchange that same spout for another? Did Michael
Phelps have to indignantly shout “We don’t need
Dave! I can fix this thing!” when his wife said they
should ask his extremely handy neighbor Dave to
fix the tub instead?
I don’t think so! If the next Olympics might in-
clude a “Persistence in Home Improvement Compe-
tition,” I better start lining up sponsorships now.
Then there’s the basketball competition.
Now, I’m not saying the U.S. men’s basketball
team winning a third gold medal in a row isn’t
N
impressive, because it is. Having said that,
basketball is a game that was created in the United
States and is played by guys who are all extremely
tall and make millions of dollars playing the game
professionally in the U.S.
If those are the rules for starting an Olympic
sport, I’d like to kick off a campaign to create an
Olympic event called “Spotting the Gopher Before It
Tears Up Your Wife’s Prized Petunias Using a Hose
and a Pair of Binoculars.” Show me that on an
Olympic program and I’ll show you the winner of the
gold medal.
And for those who think my gopher-spotting or
home-repair competitions don’t make any sense, let
me remind you of the REAL Olympic sport: The
biathlon.
The biathlon is a winter Olympic competition in
which athletes ski for long distances then stop to
shoot at a target. If they miss the target, they have
to ski a penalty loop before they can shoot again.
Much like going back to Home Depot for buying the
wrong spout, wouldn’t you say?
Anyway, why would you combine cross-country
skiing and shooting a rifle in the first place? I mean,
if that makes sense, why don’t we have an Olympic
competition called “The Javelin Hop,” where you
throw a javelin then play a quick game of hop
scotch? Or how about “The Volleyball Dig,” a
competition in which players play a quicksand
volleyball match then pick up shovels to dig for
clams?
My “Tub Spout Replacement” competition doesn’t
seem so weird now, does it?
Congratulations to all the Olympians. You’ve
earned your glory. But if they ever add more sports
competitions, I’ve got my hose and binoculars ready
and rarin’ to go.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
Survey says too many new smartphone models released each year
Continued from page 5
Koreans were more likely to have had their phones
repaired than respondents in the U.S. or Germany.
Nearly half of respondents in all six countries
believed that phone manufacturers should be more
responsible in making recycling of their phones
easier.
Respondents to the Greenpeace survey said
battery life was an important feature for new
smartphones.
More than 90 percent of respondents in China,
Mexico, and South Korea said it is important for
new smartphones to be easily repaired if damaged.
Consumers in all countries also said that producing
phones without hazardous chemicals is an
important factor.
Greenpeace polled 1,000 consumers each in the
United States, Mexico, Russia, Germany, China,
and South Korea.
Celebrate
Earth Day
everyday!
Reduce w Reuse
Recycle