OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
June 6, 2016
Volume 26 Number 11
June 6, 2016
ISSN: 1094-9453
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MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
Ready for the sitting-still-in-
a-lounge-chair challenge
he social network thing? I’ve got it all
worked out.
From my observation, every post on Facebook
and Twitter can be sorted into three categories:
1) Videos showing how to make various recipes
that involve at least one of three ingredients —
butter, bacon, or Oreo cookies.
2) Pictures and/or videos of your friends on
vacation doing something far more entertaining
than you since you are sitting at your computer
watching them on vacation.
3) Videos of people being challenged to do some-
thing in honor of a good cause, usually involving
some form of humiliation or needless discomfort.
It’s this last one that I’d like to talk about. I’m
sure you’ve seen one or even been a participant. The
most famous, of course, was the ice-bucket chal-
lenge, which swept the country when celebrities,
politicians, and everyday folks voluntarily poured a
bucket of ice water on their heads in support of ALS
(amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) research.
While I managed to escape that challenge (I
decided to just donate to the ALS Association), I
wasn’t as lucky with a recent challenge — a good
friend of mine nominated me for the 22-day pushup
challenge to support our troops.
The challenge basically entails filming and
posting a video of myself doing 22 pushups for 22
days. When I learned of my nomination, I thought:
“Why not? I haven’t done any pushups for a while,
but it’s for a good cause — and a little exercise never
hurt anyone, right?”
Add to that, the fact that I could show everyone I
was a naturally gifted athlete. What’s not to like?
Sure enough, my first day of pushups was a piece
of cake. To give you a sense of what I was thinking
while doing the pushups, this was my level of
confidence:
“These pushups are a breeze. If I wanted, I could
T
clap in between each pushup, but maybe that’s a bit
much. No need to brag. But seriously, this should be
the 72-pushup challenge because this really is
nothing for me. Wow, I’m done already. Maybe I
should breathe a little harder so everyone watching
will think I had to try. I wonder if the rules say
whether I can do handstand pushups next time …”
I finished my pushups, stood up, looked and felt
great, smiled to the camera, gave it a quick wink,
and let everyone know I would post my second set of
pushups the next day.
The following day comes, and after playing tennis
with some friends, I asked one of them to film me
doing my second day of pushups. I had just finished
playing a set of tennis without really breaking a
sweat, so I figured why not just get this second
round of the pushup challenge out of the way. I
proceeded to drop to the ground to get ready.
As I started my first pushup, here’s what I was
thinking:
“Gyahhhhhh!!! What the heck was that?”
It was like someone shoved a garden hoe into both
of my shoulder blades.
You know how you can use a muscle in your body
that you usually don’t use? How does that muscle
feel the next day? Well, let me tell ya:
“Holy Schlamole! Is somebody walking on my
back with high heels? What is that!?! Ahhh!! For the
love of all things decent, somebody make this stop!
I’ll give you 20 bucks to turn off that camera! Yowza!
I’ve got 19 more to do! I need a doctor! What sadist
came up with this stupid challenge?!? This can’t be
legal! I’m going to need a shot of B12 and an aspirin
after this! I think my arms are going to fall off!
Gyahhhhhh!”
Of course, all of this was recorded for posterity
and posted to social media. The only saving grace is
that it’s hard to hear my screaming over the
laughter of my friends standing next to me.
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
TALKING STORY IN
ASIAN AMERICA
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n Polo
Polo’s “Talking Story”
column will return soon.
