OPINION
Page 6 n THE ASIAN REPORTER
January 5, 2015
Volume 25 Number 1
January 5, 2015
ISSN: 1094-9453
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MY TURN
n Wayne Chan
Greetings from
Eats Many Donuts
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The last four issues of The Asian Reporter are available
for pick up free at our office 24 hours a day at
922 N Killingsworth Street, Portland, Oregon.
fter closing out another year, now is as good
a time as any to take stock of the past year
and get ready for a new one with some New
Year’s resolutions. Yup … time to reset the clock,
start a new chapter, get back on the horse, and turn
the corner.
Maybe this year’s resolutions should include
cutting back on all the metaphors.
The last few days of the year were filled with food,
presents, get-togethers, and just your average,
run-of-the-mill merrymaking — a perfect time to
look back on an eventful year and plan to make the
next one even better.
I can think of one New Year’s resolution right off
the bat.
With all the recent end-of-year celebrations, I
certainly count my blessings to have so many
friends. The difficulty is that I can only remember a
handful of their names. It’s not that I don’t
recognize them or know where they live and what
they do. It’s just that remembering all the names is
a personal challenge. Remembering everyone’s
name — that’s my New Year’s resolution.
The problem is, I had the same resolution last
year. Apparently, this resolution is becoming a
multi-year commitment.
It’s not like I haven’t tried. I distinctly recall
looking up some memorization exercises to help
retain people’s names. One of the exercises involved
creating a mental picture of a person’s name and
creating an odd or unique vision in my mind to help
me recollect it later.
For example, let’s say I meet someone named
“Mark.” The next thing I would do is something like
this:
OK, Mark is wearing a baseball cap. Imagine that
Mark is a baseball player. Mark also owns a
Chihuahua. Chihuahuas like walks in the park.
Park rhymes with Mark. Chihuahuas are so small,
you could toss them like a ball. Baseball player …
A
Chihuahua is the ball … He’s tossing the Chihuahua
to third base … He’s in a park. Park rhymes with …
Mark. His name is Mark. Got it!
The problem with this method is every time I
bump into this guy, I stare at him for about 30
seconds with a blank expression on my face while
trying to re-create the scene of a Chihuahua-tossing
ballplayer in the park that triggers my memory and
his name — Mark.
Then it occurred to me. After watching the film
Dances With Wolves the other day with my son
Tyler, who had never seen it, I realized Native
Americans have a much better way of referring to
one another. I’m no expert on Native-American
culture, but if there’s any truth to the movie, tribe
members receive names associated with something
they’ve done in the past. It’s why they have names
like “Dances With Wolves,” “Stands With A Fist,”
“Wind In His Hair,” and so on.
With this system, instead of “Mark,” my friend’s
name would be “Dog-Tossing Ballplayer.”
With the new naming system, I would know
everyone’s name in a split second.
I could go to a party and see “Owes Me Money”
sitting by the fireplace next to “Always Wears Black
Pants.” Not wanting to disturb their conversation, I
would walk over to the punchbowl and say hello to
“Always Changing Jobs” before “Dog Pees On My
Lawn” offers me a beer. We would spend the rest of
the night playing party games and notice that “Still
Likes Mullets” and “Too Much Meatloaf” make a
great Pictionary team.
Somehow I doubt I’d be invited to too many
parties next year if I tried this new naming
scheme.
Ah well. I’ll just try to remember their names.
Until then, here’s wishing you a great New Year
with much prosperity for you and your family.
Best Wishes,
Eats Many Donuts
Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the authors and not necessarily those of this publication.
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Mark your calendar!
The Year of the Sheep begins
February 19, 2015.
Display advertising space reservations for our special
Year of the Sheep issue are due Monday, February 2 at 5:00pm.
The Asian Reporter’s Lunar New Year special issue
will be published on Monday, February 16, 2015.