S outh ern Oregon News Review , Thu rsda y, Septem ber 1. 1949
m u u u t
STIFF COLLARS, CUFFS TAKE ALL . . .
Yours Truly, for More Flexible Shirt Tails
By JOE
MAHONEY
. . . THE 'STARCH' OUT OF PHILLIPS
By H I. PHILLIPS
‘NO STARCH'
»/»i»HEY STARCHED m y shirts
again,” we said to the wife.
“ W ell, don't say it so accusing
ly ,” she replied. “ I d id n 't do it. It's
the la u n d ry ."
"B u t the laundry has been told
again and again not to put any
starch in 'e m ,” we said.
" I 'm a ll in from repeating the
word 'No starch' to it , ” said the
wife.
"W hat does the laundry say?”
“ It says *O. K .l No s ta rc h .'”
“ And back it comes starched
In technicolor, with the collars
on summer shirts as hard as
lawn-mower blades, and the
cuffs so hard you have to but
ton them with a chisel and
hammer. Why don't we change
laundries?” we moaned.
“ H a h !”
snorted
the
missus,
GRACE NOLL CROWELL Z
wz.' —
The Everiasiing Arms
. . t <■
ROUND me and about me and beneath me,
Closer than breathing, closer than any
friend,
The everlasting arms draw near to shield me,
To comfort and to keep me to the end.
k
"Change 'em and what do you
get?"
“ More starch,” we suggested.
“ E x a c tly ! The laundries or the
laundry workers are in a great
national conspiracy in re stra in t of
soft collars and cuffs. They are In
a secret society dedicated to the
use of starch. T heir m otto is ‘Y ou'll
take starch and like i t ! ’ "
• • •
I wake each morning in their blessed keeping,
I rise to serve, or wait his blessed will.
Life passes—whether waking, whether sleeping,
G od’s everlasting arms will hold me still.
VIDEO AND EDUCATION
College courses by television are
now being announced. We suppose
the grads w ill win Iceboxes instead
of diplomas.
-----* -----
And get m inkskins Instead of
sheepskins.
We can see it a ll now . , . the
baccalaureute by Howdy Doody.
_
But a lot of people have felt that
our educational system flickered
too m uch as it is.
-----* -----
Personally we feel that edu
cation hasn't been dramatic
enough. A jackpot could have
helped us through ancient his
tory. And we are positive that
we would have done better
under our professors if they had
Introduced puppets In t h e
Latin, French and mathemat
ics courses.
starch* on my shirts for years,”
we said.
The laundryman looked sur
prised. ”1 can’t remember
that,” he said. “Are you sure
they came back starched?”
“ Look at my neck. You think
those red circles are from
rope?” we demanded.
•
•
•
“ Some laundries are careless,
you know how it is. W ith us when
a custom er says no starch he gets
no starch. We got a system .”
“ What is it? ”
“ We have a starch departm ent
and a no-starch departm ent.
All
the s tu ff that don’ t w ant starch
goes to the starch departm ent.
Also we got a starch superintend
ent and a no-starch superintendent.
And on top of that we got starch
and no-starch classification clerks
and inspectors. Here's something
else, we don’t use m uch starch
anyhow, even if you ask for
starch.”
“ So these shirts w ill come back
w ith no starch then?"
“ You can take m y starch—beg
pardon—m y w ord fo r it.”
“ P o sitively no s ta rc h !”
"P o s itiv e ly !”
The laundry came back in a
few days. We felt confident and
-ft
“ I know ,” called the wife, look
ing out. “ S ta rc h !”
“ S ta rch ," we u dinittcd. craw ling
from the shrubbery, cut and bleed
ing.
• • •
We resolved to investigate. We
spread our shirts among d ifferent
laundries. Our routine was the
same at each laundry.
"Does this laundry do shirts
w ithout starching them ?” we asked.
“ C ertainly. A ll you gotta do is
specify you don't want no starch,
m is te r."
" I so specify. Do you w ant it in
w ritin g ? "
"N aw . I ' l l put a note on it ’no
sta rch .' Then it goes through and
comes out w ith no sta rc h ."
•‘I ’ve been putting notes 'no
5- .T3?
Earthly arms grow weary in their holding,
Earthly arms may fail the weight they bear,
But oh, these everlasting arms, enfolding,
Have never one brief moment failed me there.
carefree as we opened It. Then
we leaped through the second
story window.
---+---
We ju s t had to get an education,
such as it was, by study. We had
no outside aerial.
But now we are entering an era
when ignorance m ay be easily a t
trib u ta b le to the fact that the set
was connected up poorly
and
lacked a "booster.”
• • •
Your education may become
a little dependent on fuses and
you may find that your tow
scholarship resulted from a
small screen.
Ira H irschbaum , fo rm e r educa
tion and now a video o ffic ia l,
makes
the
announcement
th a t
Hunter college w ill make the fir s t
tests in video education, w ith his-
to ry the firs t televised subject.
Lectures on h isto ric events w ill be
synchronized w ith the picture, the
cash prize on the com m ercial.
Fiction
ON BUSINESS
By
Richard H. W ilk in s o n
Corner
By INEZ GERHARD
pRETTY
ROSEMARY P E T T IT
* thinks she’s ju s t like any A m e ri
can g irl; had no exotic birthplace
fo r Hollywood to make a fuss
about—she was bom in Tulsa, Ok-
la. She went to high school and
college, one year, in C alifornia,
where she lives. She had to go tc
New Y o rk fo r Hollywood to dis
cover her and take her back for
bits in M ichael C urtiz productions.
X
ROSEMARY
PETTIT
She returned to New York to study,
went back again, re a lly ready foi
film s this tim e. You w ill see hei
in W arners’ “ The Lady Takes a
Sailor,” and la te r in C u r t i z ’
“ Young Man w ith a H orn,” for
w hich she’ s ju s t gone west, a fte r a
season in sum m er stock at P rince
ton, N. J.
Paul Henreid, seen cu rren tly Ir.
Param ount’ s “ Rope of Sand,” w ill
be long rem em bered fo r his ap
pearance as the fa m ily counselor
on “ The Second M rs. Burton” Aug
ust 31. V ita lly interested in doing
w hat he can to fu rth e r the conquer
ing of polio, H enreid’s own experi
ences when a m em ber of his fa m ily
was struck by the disease gave
h im touching m a te ria l fo r his talk.
Joan C ra w ford ’s six-year-old
son, C hristopher, believes that
his m other is the bravest wom
an in the w orld.
So does
Joan. D uring her vacation in
the w ilds she caught six lizards
fo r him , put them in a box and
brought them home.
Helen Hayes returns to radio’s
“ E le c tric T heatre” Oct. 9 in "The
B a rre tts of W i m p o l e Street” ;
m eanwhile she and her daughter
M a ry are doing a new play fo r six
weeks in sum m er stock; i f good
enough they w ill do i t on Broad
way. 12-year-old Jam ie, last m em
ber o f the fa m ily to become an
actor, has appeared in "T he Com
Is Green” —once in a p a rt a ll w r it
ten in Welsh!
H EN DOUG P R IN G L E signed
contract to illu s tra te stories
fo r M idweek F ic tio n magazine at
a fig ure th a t surpassed any amount
he had earned in the ra th e r uncer
tain past, he fe lt th a t he had
reached a m ile
stone in his ca
Minute reer.
“ N ow ,” he de
Fiction clared
to
his
w ife,
A g g ie ,
"w e can begin to have a few of the
things we’ve been doing w ithout fo r
the past seven years.”
“ And the fir s t thing we’ll have”
Aggie told him , “ w ill be a nice
little camp on Spur Lake where
you can w ork am id surroundings
that you love and where, accord
ingly, things w ill be easier fo r both
of us.”
"T h e cam p,” he told her
g ravely, •‘ w ill come Im m edi
ately a fte r M rs. P ringle has
replenished her w ardrobe.”
I t turned out th a t Aggie could
have her new clothes and they
could purchase the cam p and not
feel too extravagant. They went up
to Spur Lake the fo llo w in g week
and talked to a real estate agent.
They had been there m any tim es
before. They knew ju s t w hat they
wanted fo r a camp site and where
they wanted it. T hat afternoon the
real estate agent made the easiest
sale he'd transacted in years.
The Pringles sat down and made
up a schedule of guests fo r week
ends. They wanted to have com
pany. This was the fir s t tim e they
had live d in a place big enough to
hold guests conveniently. They
were eager to share th e ir posses
sion.
And so two weeks la te r the firs t
guests a rrived. Doug and Aggie
slept in the w ork room and every
thing was fine. A ll hands had a
swell tim e. The guests departed in
high enthusiasm. In fact, th e ir en
thusiasm apparently bubbled over,
fo r in the m iddle of the follow ing
week some friends dropped in who
had “ heard so much about the cute
little
camp
the Pringles
had
bought.” Aggie and Doug asked
them to stay over n ig ht and they
did.
The sum m er hadn’t progressed
very fa r when Doug decided they
ought to tu rn the present w ork
shop Into another bedroom.
“ I ’ll build a studio fo r m yself
down by the lake. It seems there
are a lot of people who are just
dying to see our cute little camp.
Gosh!
A fte r all. I ’m a w orking
m an.”
I t ’ s fun having guests, though,”
Aggie said.
“ Sure,” Doug agreed.
W a
So the Pringles b u ilt a studio fo r business."
Doug, a ra th e r a ttra c tiv e building
The Hollands were disappointed
th a t added to the general outlay. at not being able to see the a rtis t
He moved into it w ith a il his equip at work, but there was nothing
m ent—and the next week-end Ag they could do about it. They de
gie moved in w ith him .
parted shortly after.
In August the Hollands ar
A t dinner tim e Doug came home.
rive d . The Hollands were bores.
He was in high spirits.
Steve
Holland
belonged
tc
“ I ’ve found ju s t the place 1
Doug’s g olf club. They were
wanted. A room rig h t In the
friends of some of the Pringles*
heart of Goodwin’s business
friends.
d is tric t. Plenty of noise and
T JO W E V E R , they a rrived and
dust—a place where a man can
M rs. H olland spied the studio
do a real d ay’s work w ithout
and wanted to look at it. Aggie
being bothered.”
sm iled w ea rily. She was getting
used to this sort of thing. She led
Aggie sm iled fondly.
them down to Doug's workshop and
"T he Brants are a rriv in g tom or
M rs. Holland peeked inside.
ro w .”
“ Why, there's no one th e re !” she
"S w e ll!” said Doug. “ Show them
exclaim ed.
the works and te ll them I ’m away
Aggie nodded. "D oug’s away. On —on business.”
CROSSWORD PO H lf
ACROSS
DOWN
1. Fuel
1. An a rtic le
o f v irtu
6. S trike
2. Pungent
w ith
the
vegetable
hand
3. C u ttin g
9. W avy
tool
(H e r.)
4. Confederate
10. A weed
general
11. A w a rd
5. Porticos
12. Forebodings 6. Young
14. C ity
sheep
(B ra z il)
7. Region
15. R iver
8. D ream ily
(W . Ohio)
th o u g h tfu l
16. C ity
11. Lever
(N . Y .)
13. A fragm ent
19. B iblical
15. Crooked
character
20. Some
i
z
•
21. Bestow
23. Rail
9
26. Removed,
as
II
bones
27. Em ploy
14
28. T a lk
29. Ahead
16
30. Free from
uncertainty
34. Very
beautiful
/z /y
24
ZS
23
young
man
Z7
37. Constellation
38. Lukewarm
Z9
39. C ity
(Mass.)
36
41. A contest
o f speed
18
42. A home
o f bees
41
43. Vehicle
w ith
1
as
tunners
44. Book of Old
Testament
LAST
WEEKS
ANSWER _ ■
17. V a rie ty o f
□
cabbage
I QE
18. Conclude
□□□
21. Desert
□□□ bqljq
(A s ia )
22. A t home
23. Yourlg hog □□□ □□□□□
□□□□ □
24. Ashes
□□□□ □□□□
25. Gold (H er.) I
□□□ □□□□
26. Club
28. Fuel
30. Agreed w ith A m w r r to p a u le No. I I
another
31. A burst o f
35. Precious
shouts from
stone
the crowd
36. C ity (F r.)
32. Liberates
39. Chinese s ilk
40. P o int
33. Sweet potato
ONE A FTER N O O N ,
WHILE P l AVINO RK' j HT
FIELD FOR EM tW O tl.
TV COBO THRI W
OUT THRI E M I N
AT FIRST H A S E ?
SPORT LIGHT.
Teams Fall for Michigan 'Pitch'
By GRANTLAND RICE.
T i N ’ f THERE tom e way tom eone
*
can tp ill bim?
h n 'l there to m t way one can
¡lop him.1
h n 'l there tom e u a y one can
b ill him?
h n 'l there some way one can
dro p him?
h n 'l there tom e way tom eone can
¡how him
He tk o u ld be placed in hit latl,
final retl?
h n 'l there tom eone— one who
m ight kn ow him
T o prove w ithout doubt he't the
w orld') greatett petl?
Red Blaik will have a fine
Army team. It will he ably
coached and dirreted. But II
will have In he something ex
tra to invade Ann Arbor and
return with a Wolverine hide.
Look at that Michigan backfield
—C harley O rtm ann and Leo Ko-
ceskl—the b rillia n t 220 pound D ick
Kem pthorn — Teninga and Tom
Peterson—these and m any others.
W ill Minnesota w ith its pow erful
line fin a lly retu rn to the Big Ten’s
top? What about the re vivin g West
Coast, determ ined to slip back into
the big picture? C alifornia, U. S.
C „ Stanford, Washington, UCLA
and Oregon—a ll stronger?
What about the re viva l of the Iv y
League, headed by C ornell and
Dartm outh? This 1949 season can
be the a ll-tim e peak.
• • •
Summer, Smoke and Football
' ®^r ' ’Ienncssce W illiam s, an cm l-
’ nent d ra m a tis ‘ . 80me tim e ago de
livered an e p i c
[
known a s “ Sum
1
m er and Smoke.”
!
We’11 m a k e this
epic
"Sum m er,
Smoko
b a ll.”
The
STAGESCRE
T ’ .v K ATM ETCS O f
LONG AGO AT THE UNIV.
OF ILLINOIS COMPETED
FOR SUCH PRIZES AS A
MUSTACHE CUP, A BATH
TICKET OR A GROUP
PICTURE OF THE
FAC U LTY/
and
Foot
F o r It sud
denly occurred
to us that foot
ball was j u s t
Grantland Rice a r o u n d
the
corner and be
fore any could guess what had
happened, Michigan would be
throwing p a s s e s again and
heating teams 20 to 0 that were
just about as good as Michigan.
Which proves that it still pays
to be smart. Michigan is al
ways smart. And as long as
the forward pass is legal, Mich
igan will continue to throw for
ward passes, dating from Ben
ny Friedman to Charley Ort-
Great Pitching
In a season of rath er shoddy
p itching where the average pitcher
has only a vague idea of where the
plate is located, we took a b rie f
journey through years long under
dust to see what past perform ances
had to offer.
In Juggling uround we ran across
a com pilation by Tex O live r known
as “ Kings of the M ound." In this
review from the present to the long
ago, O live r put together some of
the most rem arkable feats of the
game.
For example, he gave high
est rating for the year to Eddie
Rommel, the umpire, hack In
1922. That year Rommel won
27 games and lost 13 with the
Athletics, who finished seventh
with one of the worst ball dub*
on record. Oliver figured that
any pilchcr who could win 27
games with the 1922 Athletics
should wear an Oliver wreath
studded with laurel blossoms.
mann.
Why m u r d e r running backs
along the ground when you can
pick up 55 yards on one pitch?
Which brings to m ind the thought
of what an am azing combination
He gives his next ratin g to Jack
M ichigan has in F ritz C risler, Chesbro in 1904, who won 41 games
graduate m anager, and Bennie and lost 12. W alter Johnson runs
Oosterbaan, head football coach.
th ird in 1913, when Old Barney won
C risler, a great coach on his own, 36 and dropped only seven w ith
adds 15,000 to M ichigan's seating Washington, as rem arkable a rec
ca pa city—g ivin g W olverine follow ord as one can recall.
ers space enough fo r 100,000. Also
The same Is true of Ed Walsh
C risle r has already sold out his
In 1908 with the weak hitting
four big games—A rm y, Minnesota,
While Sox. Walsh (hat year
etc. fo r a 400,000 four-game total.
won 40, lost 15 and saved nine
And in the same in te rim Benny
other games.
Oosterbaan is sta rtin g w ith 22 le t
Walter J o h n s o n won 23
term en this fa ll, plus a flock of
games with the 7th plare Sena
prom ising sophomores, to keep the
tors in 1911 and Urban Faber
Maize and Blue where it has been
won 25 with the 7th place White
fo r the last two years—at the top.
Sox In 1921.
□□□ □□□□□
□C BQQ
d T p iH X d T
— By Harold Arnett
□□□ □□□!
3
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• •
PL A C IN G A B U TT O N IN THE
B O W L O F A PIPE W IL L A ID
greatly in youfz. smoking
ENJO YM ENT.
TH IS W IL L
P R E VEN T SMALL PARTICLES
OF TOBACCO FROM ENTER
IN G THE PIPE S TE M , THUS
KEEPING THE TOBACCO DRY
A N D M E L L O W . THE BUTTON
IS HELD ABOVE THE BOTTOM
O F THE BOWL, WHICH IS OFTEN
DAMP WHEN THE PIPE IS IN USE
6UTFON -
24
mows
20
»<•
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PUZZLE NO. 14
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