S o u th ern Oregon News Review, T hursday, A pril 22 1Q4H
4
“But, Bobby, we can’t e«nd out printed announce,
mrntn everytim e you become engaged!’’
*tht>
Mr. James Caesar Petrlllo.
Dear Jabez: —
Next to a daffodil poking its head
outside my window, your recent an­
nouncement that you have made
peace with radio is the most wel­
come event, but you w ill pardon me
for looking for a catch in it. For
some time 1 w ill keep fearing an
explanation from you that it was all
a mistake due to reading spring
poetry or seeing a lambkin gambol
on a green somewhere.
_ • _
It could even be that, being a
great judge of news values, you real­
ized that any man taking a peaceful
step anywhere today would be a
global standout. You could even get
the Nobel peace prize, who can tell?
But, of course, your announcement
has left the public reeling around the
room expecting any minute to hear
that John L. Lewis has quit the coal
miners to play L ittle Eva in a Tom
show and that Marshal Tito has re­
signed to raise pigeons.
_ • _
Right in plain type it says that
you have come out for an agree­
ment with radio for three years,
dropping all your recent demands,
giving the stations the green light
and that (excuse me while I see
if my head is on straight) you
“ fully recognize the development
stage of television and wish to help
it grow.’’
_ • _
I read it again, thinking maybe
fhe word was “ blow’’ or “ go" in­
stead of “ grow.” But there is no
mistaking the word. You, James
Caesar Petrillo, co-operating with ra
dio! (Just a minute while I take
some spirits of ammonia.) Well.
Jimmy, I never have been knocked
so groggy since H itler decided he
had been shooting the wrong people
and Cargantua started playing with
old tire shoes.
_ * —
You wouldn’t be holding a bass
viol behind you with one hand
while you offer the olive branch
with the other would you, James?
_ * _
No? So you are on the level:
Okay, it comes as a great relief be
cause I have not been able to enjoy
radio music for years. When it was
good I was afraid you would step
in and interrupt it. When it was
bad I was afraid you would not.
_ • _
However, peace is peace and a lit­
tle of it around somewhere should be
deeply appreciated, so good wishes
to all concerned and don’t say if
was something you ate.
Sincerely,
Elmer.
SPRING PROTEST
I like commuters.
But my ardor cools
When they take my seat
For their garden tools.
THE QUESTIONS
1. Who invented that pole w ith
vhlch your geocer picks cans and
aa kages from the top shelf?.
2. What Is the coldest place In
die world on land?-
3. Do birds sleep in their nests?
4. I f you find a pearl in a restau­
rant oyster, is It any good?
5. How much can you see w ith
your eyes moving?
THE ANSWERS
1. Benjamine Franklin.
2. Verkhoyansk, Siberia.
The
January temperature averages 50
degrees below zero.
3. Only when they are too young
to leave them, though a mother
bird m ight accidently snooze while
sitting on her eggs.
4. Probably not. Very seldom do
pearls found in oysters by cir.crs
have any value. I f the oyster was
cooked, you can be sure the pearl
is practically worthless.
5. Not a thing. You are stone
blind when your eyes are moving
In their sockets.
Tossed From His Car,
Driver Chases Vehicle
LYNN, MASS. — Roger Brag-
don’s motor trip from Lynn to
nearby Revere left him footsore
and leg-weary.
En route his car was in colli­
sion with a trolley. The crash
tossed Bragdon—uninjured—out
of his automobile, which kept on
going. The 23-year-old driver
chased the vehicle several blocks
before he could overtake it and
climb back into the driver's seat.
No Longer
Constipated
'Since I made ALD-BRAN my break­
fast cereal I ’ve stopped taking laxa­
tives!"— Mrs. V. DeBoni», Philadel­
phia, Pa.
If your diet lacks bulk for normal
elimination, this
delicious cereal
will suppy it. Eat
an ounce every
day in milk—and
drink plenty of
water. If not sat­
isfied after 10
days, send the
empty carton to
the Kellogg Co.,
Battle Creek, Mich., and get doublb
your money back . Order kellocg ’ s
AJLL- bran today.
38%
BRIGHTER
TEETH
in
Double Talk
REG’LAR FELLERS
By Gene Byrnes
“ You are certainly a good sport
and I am deeply touched. This is
still America and you are doing your
part to keep it so.” —From a letter
from Henry Wallace to Secretary of
Commerce Averell Harriman.
___ • _
“ The departure from the cabinet
of Messrs. Royall, Forrestal and
Harriman would be welcome evi­
dence that the President means what
he says when he speaks of civil lib­
erties.” —Henry Wallace in a speech
a few days later.
Vanishing Americanisms
I ’ll take the 50 cent lunch.”
_ • _
“ The management invites com­
plaints of in civility.”
VIRGIL
By Len Kleis
“ Make my m artini light.”
_ • _
“ After you get a car, the cost of
operation is cheap.”
_ • __
“ Waiter, a porterhouse steak foi
fo u r!"
*
• •
“ What Russia has done is to estab
lish reforms constituting achieve­
ments which can only be dreamed
of by democracies which, at close
examination, have the color of a
sick man.” —Gromyko.
The delicatessen men have a
name for it.
s e e
General MacArthur announces he
is willing to run for the presidency. '
He is so fam iliar with the Japanese
custom of sitting on the floor that !
he w ill be nearer his hat than the
others.
*
• •
Flash from New Haven: Six taxi-
| cabs drew up in front of Yale bowl
today and Herman Hickman got out!
s a w
“ I shall not accept the support of
any individual or group advocating
the violent overthrow of the govern­
ment of the United States."—Henry-
Wallace.
_ • _
Wanna bet?
* * •
I t ’s a wise man who knows enough
Dever to criticize his wife's hat.
7 days!
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