Southern Oregon Miner, Thursday, June 21, 1945
THOUGHTS ON HORSE
RACING
Horse racing is a form of compe­
tition between horses to determine
what shape the customers are in.
It is a demonstration In durability
for all participants except the horses,
a .
It is a type of sport that combines
all the features of a subway jam , a
food riot, a Christmas shopping rush
and a panic in the madhouse.
_• _
A man can get the same sensa­
tions in any subway station during
the rush houi*for a nickel. And In
addition he won’t have to listen to
any tips that the local can beat the
express if the smart money la up.
•
• Racing is proof of the claim that,
for a chance to lose $2 swiftly, a
man will undergo all known forms of
inconvenience and torture, provid­
ed they are endured in an aroma
of steamed frankfurters, beer, B.O
and fresh roasted peanuts.
♦
Once horse racing may have been
the Sport of Kings. But the prole­
tariat has taken over. If * king
gets to his seat today with no riba
broken you know he had the king’s
horses running interference for him.
- •
Where once a few thousand per­
sons spent leisurely afternoons, tens
of thousands today blitz the tracks,
panting, popeyed and perspiring as
they reproduce Custer's Last Fight
with the tomahawking done in tech­
nicolor.
_»
When pari mutuels stepped into
American raring brotherly love, or­
der, dignity, common sense and
laws regarding mayhem flew out
the window. Window is right!
We used to go to the track now
and then for recreation. Now we go
a couple of times a season to take
off weight, test our stamina, and get
a fair idea of what Indian warfare
was like.
We used to see a horse occasional­
ly. Now we do w ell if we see a
horse’s ears.
•_
The
M
I
D
D
L
E
S
ju M D iN 'jt m a
G E TD O W N OF”
W H A T I F= T H E B E
WE W O N 'T B IT E
s eve,
T M A T C H * ia l
IS A M O U S E - -
V O U .'
P W O O IE /M IC E
D O N 'T BU
B U N UP
PEO PLE'S
<
L E O S I WAVE
y o u E V E R ..
KNOW N
ANYONE
PEBSO NAULV
W HO-
>
Once we watched ’em come down
the stretch, neck and neck. Now the
best we can do is to get it by loud­
speaker while hanging onto our
watch, pleading for the women and
children first and wondering where
our hat went.
_*_
Once inside it is every man for
himself and no accident or health
insurance sold on the grounds.
• • •
TH E JAP LEADERS
TO T H E IR EM PEROR
We offer our apologies,
As planes above you swarm.
For putting you upon a spot
And making it so warm;
We’re sorry bombers do
Your royal dwelling skirt;
Excuse it, please, if it appears
That we have done you dirt!
WAD A M O U S E
BUN UP
e
T W E l B . -------- >
— O H / OH/
We are so very sorry that
You even smell the smoke
And that our busy firemen
The royal grounds must soak;
We abjectly apologize
And shed a bitter tear
That war we planned so far away
Should ever come so near.
BOB
KARP
By
* ~
POP—Prepared for Postwar Activities
■ -r -- - *••• f—!—■
By J. MILLAR WATT
It is distressing just to know
That “ smoke gets in your
eyes” —
And for each whiff of it we are
Glad to apologize;
We’re sorry that you had to know
The brutal facts of life;
We hoped to run this conflict as
Our little private strife.
Again we do express our grief;
We’re broken hearted, too,
When we see war so near at
hand
It's right next door to YOU
We didn't plan our war that way
It fills us with remorse.
So, once more, deep apologies
To you and TO YOUR HORSE!
President Truman’s old home at
independence is being painted. All
we hope is that, as President, he
wilt get a better paint job than most
folks are getting these days. Ye ed
had the barn painted twice in the
last three years and the first heavy
rain washed it off. What are the
painters using for paint today? And
if so why perpetuate the custom of
thinning it out? Good luck, Harry;
you’ll need it!
• • •
“ Hotels will not be permitted to
collect service charges on long dis­
tance phone calls, the U. S. Supreme
court announced.” —News item.
»_
Wanna bet?
• • •
Can You Remember—
Away buck when a butcher'» wife
thought nothing of asking him to bring
home a steak?
Anti uhen the navy was thought to
be the less dangerous branch o/ the
service in wartime?
Deen eaun sum line inis ior years aiiu ■ m v c i i>u<
»»«..*••.,
Buck’s having a bad time of it again . . . that pilot eats
whole box of peanut brittle every time he goes up!*'
a
• • •
The Federal Reserve board is
•gainst lifting restrictions against
time payments in buying new auto­
mobiles. It realizes that nevei in
history have Americans been so lit­
tle apprehensive about going into
permanent hock.