SOUTHERN OREGON MINER
Page 2
G eneral
Friday, July 26, 1940
Bahamas to Be New Home for \\ incisor and "Wally’
HUGH S.
JOHNSON
Jour:
Washington. I). C.
Washington. I). C.
HITLER AND NAPOLEON
MI ST WIN MARKETS
ROOSEVELT KEPT HIS
("Hiller lista Tomb of Napoleon."—
It is all right by Pan-American headline'
POKER EACE
CHICAGO —There was only one conferences and unions, to create as
Napoleon—Stop staring at mol
other person present when the Pres­ much good-w ill as possible, but let's'
ILtlyr I’m nut staring at you;
ident heard the first speech at the not kid ourselves into any reliance I'm looking at what I thought was
convention nominating him for • on them or into heavy commitments a reflection.
on our side.
third term.
Napoleón—Go away. I'm tired of
The plainest lesson of this war is tourists.
The visitor was Mrs Hattie Cara­
way, Arkansas' witty, motherly that dependence on any kind of col­
Hitler—I'm no
U. S. senator, who entered his White lective security among nations is
tourist
House office for a conference just madness. Each nation will follow
Napoleon—Who
as Mayor Ed Kelly was starting his the path of its individual interest
are you?
address of welcome. In this, Kelly and its former friends must take
Hitler—I'm the
declared that he knew Roosevelt did care of themselves—regardless of
new landlord
not want to run. but that he should treaties or alliances.
Napoleon—You
There is nothing new about this.
are joking.
be drafted anyway.
The President was getting the George Washington said it almost a
Hitler — That's
speech from a small portable radio century and a half ago.
what a lot of peo­
It had been proved many times
on his desk. As Mrs. Caraway en­
ple thought. Lis­ I
tered he greeted her with a smile, then.
ten, Nappie, it's
Never has it been so clearly time you and I met. We have ev­
motioned to a chair and toned down
proved as in the past seven years.
erything in common. We are two
the radio.
The fall of the little central Euro­ of a type.
From then on he listened in grave
silence. When Kelly declared that pean nations of the cordon sanitaire,
Napoleon—Do you realize you are
Roosevelt had to be drafted to "save , which vainly relied on France, as talking to the most famous conquer­
In Nassau, capital of the Bahama islands. Is shown the government house where the duke and duchesa of
the heart of humanity," the Presi­ she vainly relied on them, proved or in history?
Windsor will take up residence when the former Edward VIII of England aseumes his duties aa governor and
Hitler—That’s the very question I commander-in-chief. The appointment of Windsor to thia post was one of the most sensational moves In
dent's face became solemn. Then it no less clearly than the fall of
as
Kelly
continued,
Roosevelt 1 France and the deadly peril of Brit­ was going to ask you. You were recent diplomatic history. The duke and “Wally” are shown above. They will arrive In the Bahamas for
seemed to sink deeper and deeper ain—among the strongest nations on good for your time, but you're out­ their new duties some time next month.
earth.
classed.
into himself.
• • •
Napoleon—By whom, may 1 ask?
Once or twice he glanced at Mrs.
In a military, economic and racial
Hitler—Even if you didn't ask. I’d
Caraway, but his face was inscrut­
able. It was impossible to tell what sense, the strength «.._■< the ties that still tell you. By me!
bound England. Norway. Denmark,
Napoleon—Who are you?
he was thinking.
Hitler—I am Adolf Hitler.
But as Kelly drew to a close, the Holland and Belgium were many
Napoleon—Hitler? Hitler? I once
President’s mood lifted and when the times greater than any Pan-Ameri
knew a sausage maker named Hit­
Chicago mayor finished, Roosevelt can union could possibly be.
The recorded stability and respon­ ler . . .
smiled, threw back his head and
Hitler—I am the conqueror of most
said, "Well, the mayor is getting to sibility of those nations were far
better than those of any Latin-Amer­ of Europe. In two years I have
be quite an orator."
That was, all.
Mrs. Caraway ican country. Yet that community taken nine nations.
Napoleon (bored)—I wish I knew
asked no questions about the con­ of interest proved a rope of sand.
Of course, the principle of our what you smoked.
vention and the President volun­
policy is to allay actual jealousy
Hitler—In two months I took Den­
teered nothing.
Note—The day the convention and ill-feeling to the south of us, to mark. Norway, Belgium, Holland
opened, Mrs. Roosevelt told an old ; procure naval and airbases absolute­ and France.
Napoleon — Nobody ever takes
friend that she was reconciled to ly necessary to our defense and to
the President running again. "If he make it harder for any sudden France. It's purely an illusion.
Hitler—Believe it or not, I have
has to do it,” she said, "then there Nazi-engineered eruption in a South
‘
is nothing else to do. I know he American country to surprise us captured France.
Napoleon (derisively)—You and
doesn't want to run, but there seems with an axis-country in this hemi­
sphere. O. K.. but let's not deceive who else?
to be no alternative.”
ourselves on its value or give away
Hitler—Pans is
WHITE HOUSE PIPE-LINE
From the moment Harry Hopkins our body, soul and breeches in the mine. This tomb
is mine. I even
landed here last week and that open process.
• • •
own you. Think of
wire was set up between his suite
When this war is over, the busi­ it, Napoleon the
308-10 in the Blackstone hotel and
the White House, the President has ness of this world has got to pro­ Great now under
been minutely informed of every­ ceed. If we are not going back to the ownership of
thing that has happened. From ear- ' the Glacial age, international com­ Adolf Hitler!
Napoleon(winc-
ly morning until late at night the merce must continue. While Eng- ,
wire has buzzed with reports from land has a sporting chance to de­ ing) — As if I
fend herself and her empire, there hadn’t
suffered
Washington.
Roosevelt leaders have kept him is going to be a new industrial situa­ enough during those years at St.
informed of what was being said tion in Europe. It may not be the Helena! Bah, the world must be
and rumored in the hotel lobbies. dream of Napoleon (by force) or softening up. You don't look like a
And some of the politicos are in ■ Briand (by agreement)—a United conqueror.
Hitler—You don't look any too hot
for a shock when they learn that States of Europe on our model. But
Formal transfer of the newly completed "Franklin D. Roosevelt library” at Hyde Park, N. Y., which
certain cracks they thought they it will be a great industrial group­ yourself.
eventually will house the President's state, political and personal papers, will provide the nation with a
ing
no
longer
frozen
into
a
honey
­
Napoleon—Go on with your story, ; unique museum. At the transfer ceremonies are shown (left to right): John Nhaln, builder; Louis Nimon, ar­
were making in private are tucked
away in Roosevelt’s retentive mem­ comb of water-tight trade compart­ You say you have conquered nine i chitect of the treasury; Frank Walker, treasurer of the F. D. R. Library, Inc., who is turning over the
nations?
ory. Whatever else the third-term ments by tariff barriers.
key to R. D. W. Connor; President Roosevelt and son James.
It needs markets and it needs
Hitler—I have the world at my
organization may have lacked, it .
raw
materials
—
especially
such
food
­
feet.
was good on "intelligence.” Every ’
Napoleon — That's what I was
delegation and headquarters was stuffs as South America and this
"covered" by a friendly contact who country produces in vast surplus. Is crgzy enough to think once! Re- •
kept Hopkins and his lieutenants ad­ it our policy to prevent this exchange , member it’s only a short trip from '
of merchandise—either by some vast your feet to your throat.
vised of inside developments.
cartel through which we buy the
Hitler—And do you know what I
STAGNANT CONVENTION
It was a good thing that they mountainous surplus of South Amer­ am going to do next? I am going
were, too. For with time dragging ican meat and grain and add to our to capture England!
Napoleon—Take a tip from me
on their hands, delegates seized ev­ own unmanageable abundance, or
ery rumor and promptly spilled it by diplomatic or naval quarantine? and forget it. I once had that idea, j
Something that points in that direc­
Hitler—I shall capture the Brit­
to the press.
If administration leaders could tion has been suggested for the Ha­ ish isles and destroy the British em­
have had their way, they would have vana conference. We must not rely pire.
Napoleon—Would you mind re­
condensed the convention into three on any military promises of that
days and wound it up by Wednes­ conference. We must not there en­ peating that?
Hitler—I shall capture the British
day.
They even discussed doing gage to underwrite the exports of
isles and destroy the British em­
this, but when it got to Jim Farley this hemisphere.
• • •
pire. I shall be boss of Europe and
he promptly put down his foot Bent
on forcing a roll-call in order to have
Our job on the military and naval of the world, the greatest conqueror
himself placed in nomination, Jim side is to get too strong for any- j of all time!
Napoleon (beckoning)—Come on
warned that he would fight any at­ body to dare to intimidate us on '
tempt to short-circuit the conven­ the economic side. The economic in! I’ll move over!
tion.
side is not to intimidate or subsi­
The administrationites couldn't dize others. It is to win and hold
RACE CHART STUFF
risk an open row, so they had to markets in the only way it can be ■ Bold Turk . Not out since November I
absorb the opposition’s brickbats | done permanently and soundly—by Key Ring......... Srtsuld find opening
and make the best of it. But it j producing better goods and services Sailor's Yarn.................... Unreliable ;
burned them up, and there are a lot ; at lower prices.
Skagerrak ...................... Tough spot 1
of private scores to be settled later.
The outlines of this proposed Stalagmite ............. Dropping down
Note—One Roosevelt leader, urg­ $2.000,000,000 cartel system are not Ceiling Zero . Seldom comes through
ing Farley to forget his grievances yet clear but they seem to be a
It seems that the 24 garment
and remain as national chairman, new boondoggling futility so vast as workers who have been playing in i
said: “Jim, if you quit, the public to make all the other magnificent “Pins and Needles,” a revue staged
will forget all about you in six squandering put together look like a by the garment workers' union, have
months.”
A member of the crew of a British
retired from the garment industry
poor piker's penny ante.
"That’s okay with me,” shot back
No dud was this lethal missile which Ken Overlin, middleweight boxer, fighting plane holds one of the
• • •
and joined the Actors Equity as pro­
Farley, “When I quit as chairman,
fessional entertainers. Now if some explodes against the chin of Harry Balsamo, his opponent, in a 10-round plane’s carrier pigeons In one hand,
TWO-WAY DOCTRINE
I want to be forgotten.” In addition
charity non-tltle bout in New York city. This fight action was caught by and in the other the egg laid by the
An editorial in the Washington actors would only shift to the gar- ‘
to heading the Yankee ball club,
the 1/100,000th-of-a-second photographic speed of the camera. The bout pigeon while the plane was In
ment business all would be well.
Farley also will take an executive Post emphasized that the Monroe
0 0 0
action over Germany’s Heligoland,
ended in the ninth round with a knockout victory by Overlin.
position with a nationally known ad­ Doctrine is a two-way street.
A
correspondent
telling
of
the
The forgotten part is: “In wars
vertising firm.
flight and return to Paris of refugees
of European powers relating to
MERRY GO ROUND
tells of one man who clung to ■
themselves we have never taken any
Chinese Ambassador Hu Shih says part nor does it comport with our heavy Paris telephone book coming
blitzkrieg methods won’t work in policy to do so . . . our policy in and going. When asked why he re­
China, "because our spaces are regard to Europe . . . remains the plied, “I don't know, I just grabbed
broad and our peoples too many.” same, which is not to interfere in the it up. I guess I might as well throw
While Washington warmly debates internal concerns of any of its pow­ it away now.” Maybe the French
phone books carry those instructions
the question, “Will we or won’t we?”
ers; to consider the government de
the old war-time song, “Mademoi- ■ facto as the legitimate government "How to Get a Policeman.”
* • •
selle From Armentieres,” is coming to us.”
back.
Sonja
Henie
has
been married and i
This is much too often forgotten.
A group of 35 Latin American The “military expert” Major Eliot the Office Cynic says it is going to ,
ladies of the diplomatic circle put has now joined our “military ex- j be a great letdown to her when her ,
on white costumes and gather at pert” secretary of war in insisting husband finds the refrigerator out
the Red Cross building to make that we make our harbors bases for of order and yells “Say, do you know
bandages.
anything about ice?”
the British fleet.
• * •
Beautiful Mrs. Harry Woodring,
Of course, this would be war. To
who has spent all her life in Massa­
CAN YOU REMEMBER—
excuse it as "undeclared war” or
chusetts and Washington, is being
Away back when you could boast
"undercover war” is to adopt the j
kidded about going out to live on [
very poisonous deceit we so lately that you were "working like a Tro­
the prairies of Kansas. But Helen condemned in Spain and China and jan” without drawing any hard
says she loves Kansas, intends to other unfortunate lands.
looks?
• • •
have a swell time and do a lot of
Why should we rush to war with
painting there.
Uncle Sam is going in for "Panzer
many of the controlling strategic de­
Washington irony: When the cabi­
velopments still unknown? The tide Division.” (Samzer divisions would
net group met to plan for disposal J
seem better.) He will build tanks
In France's most tragic period since Its defeat by the Prussians In
of surpluses of the Western hemi- > of battle may turn eastward. Rus­ almost as big as Nazi ones and ca­
1871,
women gather in tearful prayer before the Memorial to the World
sia
may
collide
with
either
Japan
or
;
Winthrop Rockefeller, scion of the
sphere, the plan's author, Dudley
pable of at least 50 miles an hour.
Wood, prepared to leave government Germany. The British navy is still Nobody can beat him in the auto­ War Dead at Bordeaux. With complete military collapse, the French oil fortune, Is pictured at the “seo-
service because congres* failed to so superior that it doesn't need ours motive field, and we predict that ha cabinet, headed by Marshal Henri Petain, formed a government along ond table” pitching into his food at
appropriate fund* to continue Secre­ —we have no army or equipment to will net only turn out super tank«, Fascist principles like their conquerors, the totalitarian states, eliminat­ the army training camp at Platt*,
ing President Lebrun.
burgh, N. Y.
tary Hopkins' * brain trust”
•end.
but do it in colors.
T.D.R.’ Library Becomes Museum for U. S. People
This ‘Haymaker’ Explosive Vias No Dud
‘Business as Usual’
Women Pray for Future of France
Tn the Army Now