1 r
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-V
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Y
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CONDENSED STORIES.
Funaton's Uneasy Second With tho
, . Dynmlto( Cun,
General Fnnstoii thus ilcseribes
Tthc
ixucrienco ho Inul ftiurinjr the
n insurrection With n dvnniuito
rfCulmn
Kun -thu first one ho cter fired: "I
looked her over nnd prodded Around
jdhcr for-'n day or two till I found
from tho printed directions that
ft tunc with her which end vens tho
hooting end. I didn't let tho Cu-
bans know that 1 was scared, but I
was. We pot into a Httlo mi.xup ono
dny, ntut Gnrcla sentjforthe d.vna-
irtitoi IS-nltzed her nut," Ccpt' tho
'directions in my head ns well ns I
1 'Sff'
ft'
2 '. r
t Mir., -r s v m iji i
r, "TllfcX 1 KXIW IT WAH ALL IHOIIT."
fr could and loaded her up. When the
order came I sighted her nnd let her
. fj:o. Tor n second she seemed to
.wheczc. It's nil up 1 thought ; tho
CiiWns run, but I didn't daro to; it
tiifi only u second nnd then sho
couphed, nnd the nir nnd tho Span
ish fort wire filled "with misfit legs
nnd dclirin, nnd I know that it wus
nil right. I turned around and
grinned like tho cat that swallowed
the canary, aud no ono know that I
IiaQ'jfinUiicd making four .orivo
'kinds of a fool ofanytudf."-
Dldn't Appreciate the Funny Story.
Prince Albert appear to have
postered no humor. I To was a
rood man not quick, but worthy,
flow his lack of fun worked him ill
and did no good to Sir Edwin Land
tcer in urmiting enough. Sir Kdwut
Lundn-er was n favorite of tho
queen, nnd hud in tho princo con
tort also a grcnt admirer. Ono day,
in tho prciouco of a friend of tho
prince consort, n German courtier
who was celebrated nit a raconteur,
the queen asked I.tiudscur to tell a
btory, the famous animnl painter
'liii'fi tho nnrrutive nnd nnocdotnl
gift, ujid being in his way quite tho
grand mignour. Ho was modest,
however, nud g.ivo wny to tho Ger
man notability, who told n dogstjry,
which, however, IjiudsL'cr'cotild not
resist cupping with ono that bur
I Jerqued the Germau'd professedly
perianal aud truthful reminiscence
of cmiiiie iutelligciico.
The queen enjoyed n good story,
and Landscer had often nuiiiEcd her
majesty, who expressed her pleasure
that tho great juintcr was reminded
by tho story of tho princo consort's
friend of un incident that had oc
curred in- tW. neighborhood of
Windsor. Urged by tho doubts of
u companion to put a fnvorito dog
to a severe test, Lnndscer hot him'
u five pound note, which ho thcrci
upon buried under a nod in Windsor
park fn presence of tho dog, that
; when they had walked to "Virginia
water ho would simply tell tho dog
to fetch it. nnd the dog would do so.
l'-i "am itrrhcij ut Virginia
I I ' f'ojj to
nwnyjjn.tua mission and i1inkBhort
time returned, but apparently with
out accomplishing tho font for
which Irftitdseor had.bncVed it, Tho
doubting frk'nd was delighted until
Landseer opened tho dog's mouth
nnd out dropped flvo sovereigns.
Tho dog had not only found tho
note, but hnd run into Windsor nud
(hanged it nt tho bank.
Tho queen laughed heartily, tho
princo was silent. When Ijuulseor
was going to bed, tho princo'
equerry arrived with n message:
"Ilia royal highness' compliments,
nnd ho hones Mr. Lnndtccr docs not
think that tho queen believes tlmt
story nbout tho dog and five pound
note." Itochestcr l'ost-Ejprcss.
Just Like "Libby."
Just before Mr. Glndstono went
out of power ITcnry Labouchcrc rec
ommended n certain friend of hit
for .1 knighthood. Tho bestowal of
the honor cause somo comment,
nnd, being asked why ho hnd mndo
tho recommendation, Mr. labou
chcrc replied: "Hecause I want to
mnko ilio honor ns ridiculous ns pos
sible." llr Gat tU Haslaeaa.
There are trleks even In our trade,"
snhl the oM life tusuraneo mau. "About
ten years ago a couple of respectable
old parties, man nud wife, came to
town with S100JXK) or so that they
wanted to put Into an annuity. They
Lad m liber thick nor child, kith not
Lin. and they wanted to flnlsh thelt
liven In as much raso nnd luxury ni
could Ih bought. 8o they made the
ruumls uf tho Ufa Insuniiice companies,
cettlus their ntinulty figures and had
II the actuaries In towu niallng cat
t illations In tho case.
"The head mnthrmatlclau of the
Wank Dmh company wan a lltllo bet
ter than a mere flgurvr,' lie happened
to hear what towu the old partlcri came
from, nud In suddenly rrmcmlwrcd
that he hnd an old frleud, a doctor,
who lltetl there, whom ho hnd n't seen
fur years. He limited 'tho uiedlclne
man down nt once, took him out nnd
ihotyetl him n real good, decent time.
Then ,.lm edged n round to the annuity
ImntiTK, nnd, to and behold, the doctor
was their family phjslclanl Without
appearing to pump him, tho actuary
learned enough nbout tlm old couple to
enable him to make inoat glittering
Inducement to tho pair, and they
taught their nnuulty of his coticeni.
Tlmy were both dead Inside of two
years. I forgot Just how much the
company netted. I think. It had paid
out nbout ono-tcntb 'of what the old
folks had paid In. Tho company was
n gainer, nud (here woro no losers ex
cept tho other companies ns n result of
thu actuary's shrewd more." New
York Sua. ,
"SpelllilnW.r.'" Wan.
"Spellbinding" Is tho happy name
glren to the platform .peaking which
plays such nn Important xart In every
campaign. Tho national chairman do
temilnes who shall be tho stars In this
department. Au ex-prenldent Is most
lu demand, n spenker or an cx-spcaker
comes next as a rule, and senators aud
representatives ant Invited to speak lu
tho order of their utcfuluess. Ono
speech by an ox-prcshluit Is worth half
n dozen efforts by other men, though
they may bo more logical aud eloquent.
Tho candldatejijmself, when nn ora
tor, will draw greater crowds thuu any.
body else, but If he Is wlso ho will let
the national committee arrange his Itin
erary nnd schedule. Headquarters are
alwnys overrun with volunteers for tho
stump; tho star, or man with n repu
tation, waits to bo lurlted or urged.
Most of tlm lesser men aro laborers for
hire, but others aro ambitions to make
u reputation us a stepping stone to po
litical olllcp, and somo nro Intensely lu
enruest and enger to bo useful to their
party.
Tho national commltteo settles for
tho expenses of spellbinders, unless
they Insist on paying their owu wuy,
which Is unusual, Homo of tho great
orators receive baudsomo sums for
their services and travel lu state.
Home Mogaxlue,
How 10 Whll. n I'Imuq Kr.
Cotton llauncl cloths wet with a sat
United solution of oxnllc acid and wn.
ter nud laid upon pliino keys will re
move all stains. Caru should always
bo taken In the use of such a bleacher
as this that It does not touch a,iiythlne
from which' the rotor 'Is' not to ho re
I.hiwiI fir 11 ilin m It vrrl with 1:1010
t...
RIDER
ono lit each town
T rttuU itrwn
pc lur bKrvl. Will
mil itVtAfEWAN
Vl I Aw cicHi
J. L. MEAD CYCLE CO., Chicago.
WIDE-AWAKE
Think about tho
The tnormtit lrt nt the ()riiih'li(inra
caUM-u ly in iMttliat It In uli
MATCHLESS POWER OF ENTERTAINMENT
llMt aa mi M DtSISf tor POM VMON la miliw4 la all oka kf lu
it cuppLtto an ACTUAL WANT tmc nncstoTtoLc dcmand ror: Divcns.oii
. r-LA'.ATICT3CRATirY WHICH MANY ANC WILLING TO tX) WITHOUT OTHEn
Mecca Tiro, it la thc
UNIVERSAL HNTERTAINHR OF THE AGE
Aa litOMtMtlbl onn cl Waadvr ad Ulltil la all.
ll l lmilr In cunol'tirtml. ai'i p l,r am airangrd to atilt all Kart bonkn vrhllt Ilia
tlcmamt ill continue aa luntr a huiiian inline nl.n.
The Inlnxliktlim nl fVrClraihi'fhnr Into. community st imce rtralri anlnrrratll 4
Inrund fur SICMOt oi SlfHIlt, and a rtlMIMVUt BLSINtU It tlMa atUbllMWd. Why ui.
.rcuuttie tlWral tVnta alk ara all4 4tUt7 .
WRITE rOR CATALOGUE, TERMS, ETC., TO
Columbia Phonograph Co., (own
- r
- zroo
THE STEAMER
ARCATA.
II V XiiLOX,Matct.
Will .tlnkrj HrgHlur Trip.
-HKTWKKN
COOS BAY
AND
SAN FRANCISCO,
OAKUYINU-
PA88EN6ER3 AND FREIGHT
- LOWEST RATES.
Oregon Cosl tH N.fiRstlort Co.,
I'roprlstors.
E. G. rlsniRsn, Ajjent, Msrshflcld
S O. Company, Axcnt, UmplreT.CIt7,
Past and
Coititnodious
BBa.a"Ba
Stcntnsliit
ALLIANCE,
'9000000000000 p.
HABDWIOK,
Master
Makrt rrguUr trips between
San Kranclico anil I'oiiUnd vU
llumljolpt and Cooa lUy, calling
al above poilt roth way,
TI10 A1J.IANOB Is a first
clus4 pnssotib'ur boat, anil lias
all tho modern conveniences
anil is ono of tho fastest
Htonniors of her class.
Vox
. Freight
and Passenger
Hates or Sailing Dates,
, Apply
to
. SENGSTACKEff,
Agenty
.IKSHKIUIvD, Oregon
AGENTS WANTED
to rtdo nnd exhibit n sample toot model
blcyclo of our manufacture. TUU CAN hake 110 10
$30 A WEEK betides having it wheel to ride for yourself.
l90IMcdtl$Hrn$IOto$l8
'00 & '09 Modtls MBaV.. $7 1 $12
600 Socond Hind Whttlicq (. co
lktn in i(Kd I y out etiu'su ttull Mittt, J7aj IV PO
inaur sutd as litw ,.. .,
Wo ship any blcyclo QN Af PHOVAL, to
anyone trn .out a rent irnosit m oiicuncs aud allow
i DAYS FREE TRIAL. 'X
ii(i rfei' In onlcriiiK fro'ii us, ns you do not uccil to jwy
a cnt if the blctclc does not suit you.
nil lifkY Dili ohrrt until im Iwr wtltlni for mir
Mil RUI DUI rtctou rtictt ut rate isul orris.
tlm tltil rflftr ! ncrtr Uctn njutltU oJ It a gutiaoU tl
tk nu4lu nfuur hrtl.
in .cli luwn to OUIiltml nUWwi for ut la
IvaUy (t Urv caljiloju and our pprtUI offer.
MERCHANTS, ADD TO YOUR nUSINtSS
GRAPHOPKONE
no
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
BLAMC0 HOTELg
i
0J. I.' rilKKIll', lrprllor
1
e
HiAOQUAitTina port
J COMMSNCIAL
s
TrtAVILBItftsI
I
I
FL'KSAMPI.K IIOO.MS, TKIlMSjf
m:asoxahuk f
JMARSHFIELD, Ore V
CENTRAL HOTEL
Corner of froul aud A streets,
MAHHIIFIKM), OUKUON,
JONU SNYDER, t t 1 t 1 (Proprietor
rniilS WKLUKNOWN ANDKAVORI I K
I. IIOTKI. rat lint been entltely rHIimt ami
rcfiirnUhei! thioughoiit and It again open lo th
puiiiic lor patronaf c.
New bedt and tprlng ntattretic hava Ix-er
plasnl In almotl every slecplnx room o( Ihlt
Iioum ami neither I rouble nor ejfntnxi lur been
pored to put everything In nrtm order,
TKSMS,
Hoard and Ixxlglng, per week ,,,, $5.10
Hoard, per week , !
r Mngle Meali S
JiUSEUM OF ANATOMY
f Oi rIHIUniT.,lilMIHMil,fcl
Mp TiUllM"'IMlU I
7 Wmii. t hIumi m mi wmiuwS
aawlate IWMmiiii.iriul'riU1"1, I
WUWi iMtUllNMIMCMM. S.l "
ilUsf 1 N. JMSAN-DIIIAIIiar MIM;
I IZKJ triii.it ik,viir ..iii.il I
m ISaVa hM.i,MM.wkli4...'ar.
W I Iff Mlal CM. I- ritM. lHI. Mi.
W ffV ffV lM4 flat4aV
0 SaAnnlioa. wtiUB f aaa. I. iHM Sm W
la.Ma.l ClM.lS. A
lISjWANJkaCjMOin
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