IF
Was Up Against I t
Going Into a teleg rap h office one
day Snapper G arrison, the jockey, saw
an old sp orting friend engaged in w rit­
ing a telegram .
“G arrison,” he said, " I’m sending a
telegram to my wife, and I'm broke.
Be a good fellow and prepay it for
m e.”
G arrison took th e m essage and
glanced a t i t It read:
“Cook up ev ery th in g you’ve got in
th e house today. I'm com ing home
tom orrow to hock th e stove.”
G arrison se n t th e message.
10 CENT “CASCARETS”
IF BILIOUS OR COSTIVE
F or S ic k Headache, S o u r S tom ach,
S lu g g ish L iv e r and B ow els— T h e y
w o rk w h ile you sleep.
Resinol
F urred Tongue, Bad T aste, Indiges­
tion, Sallow Skin and M iserable Head
aches come from a torpid liver and
clogged bowels, w hich cause your
E;it less meat also take glass of
stom ach to become filled w ith undi
Salts before eating
gested food, w hich sours and ferm ents
like garbage in a sw ill barrel. T h a t’s
breakfast.
the first step to untold m isery—indi
gestion, foul gases, bad breath, yellow
skin, m ental fears, everything th a t is
U ric acid in m e a t e ic ite s the kid­
Evident.
neys, they becom e overw orked: get
O fficer (w ho has “lost touch” with horrible and nauseating. A C ascaret
sluggish, ache, an d feel lik e lum ps of th e troops on field -train in g )—I say tonight will give your constipated
lead. The urin e becom es cloudy; the serg ean t, w here have all th e b lith er bowels a thorough cleansing and
straig h ten you out by m orning. They
b lad d er is irrita te d , and you may be ing fools of the com pany gone to ?
Granulated Eyelids,
obliged to seek relief tw o or th ree
Eyes inflamed by expo­
S e rg ean t—Shure, a n ’ I don’t know, work while you sleep—a 10-cent box
tim es durin g th e night. W hen th e kid­ sorr; it seem s we’re the only two left from your druggist will keep you feel
sure to Sun, Oust and Mind
ing good for m onths.
neys clog you m u st help them flush —T it Bits.
quickly relieved by* Murine
off th e body’s urinous w aste o r you’ll
£ . Y « 7 3 Eye Remedy. NoSnu
No Smarting,
be a re a l sick p erson shortly. A t first
Ar
just Eye Comfort
Comfort At
Garfield Tea, by purifying the blood, erad­
Heart Throb.
you feel a dull m isery in th e kidney
icate* rheumatism, dyspepsia and many Your Druggist's 50c per Bottle. Murine Eye
W hen h e a rts are trum ps
region, you su ffe r from backache, sick
chronic ailments.
SalveinTubes25c. For Books! IbeEyeFreeask
And I would fain
h eadache, dizziness, stom ach gets
Druggists or Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago
C ut o u t th e chum ps
sour, tongue coated and you feel rheu-
Where Are They?
A round Elaine,
m atio tw inges w hen the w e a th e r is
T he m an who had m ade a huge
I g e t my bum ps
bad.
fortune w as speaking a few w ords
And hold chicane.
E at less m eat, d rin k lots of w ater;
to
a num ber of stu d en ts a t a business
—L ouisville C ourier-Journal
also g et from an y p h arm acist four
class. Of course, th e m ain them e of
ounces of Ja d S alts; ta k e a ta b le ­
his address w as him self.
Not To Be Helped.
spoonful in a g lass of w a te r before
“All my success in life, all my tr e ­
“T h at m an has m ore money th a n he
b re a k fa st for a few days and yo u r k id ­ know s w hat to do w ith .”
m endous financial p restige,” he said
neys w ill th en a c t fine. T h is fam ous
F o r alm ost a
"I h e ard th a t and w as try in g to help proudly, “I owe to one thing alone—
q u a rte r - century
sa lts is m ade from th e acid of g rap es him ou t by show ing him several pluck, pluck, p lu ck !”
K
o
w
- K u r e has
and lem on Juice, com bined w ith llthla, th in g s in w hich h e m ig h t invest
H e made an im pressive pause here,
guarded the health
and h a s been used for g en eratio n s to money. And still I couldn’t in te re st but the effect w-as ruined by one stu ­
. . , , ,
thousands of the
best dairies in the country. It is
clean clogged kidneys and stim u late him .”—L ouisville C ourier-Journal.
dent, w ho asked im pressively:
the one cow medicine th a t can be
them to norm al activ ity , also to neu
“Yes, sir; but how a re we to find
depended
upon in any case of
tra llz e th e acids in urine, so it no long­
th e rig h t people to pluck?"—P hiladel­
Abortion, B arrenness, Retained
An Incidental Consideration.
e r is a source of irrita tio n , th u s end­
A
fterbirth,
Milk Fever. Scouring.
phia
Ledger.
"W ould you m a rry a m an for his
Bunches, and other cow alim ents
ing b ladder w eakness.
m
o
n
ey
?”
which
a
re
likely
to re su lt from a
Ja d S alts is inexpensive, c an n o t in­
Whenever there is a tendency to constipa­
run-dow n condition of the diges­
"N o,” replied M iss C ayenne, “ I’d
jure; m akes a delightful e fferv escen t m erely
tive or g en ital organs.
tion, sick-headache, or biliousness, take a cup
in
sist
th
a
t
h
e
have
a
lovely
llth la w a te r d rin k w hich everyone
of Garfield Tea. All druggists.
Kee
B ut I'd ta k e in to consid­
¡ep your cow healthy; It pays.
should tak e now and then to keep the disposition.
Kow -K ure w ill do . It. Buy a
era
tio
n
th
e
fa
c
t
th
a
t
a
m
an
w
ithout
kidneys clean and active. D ruggists m oney is very likely to be w orried THICK, GLOSSY HAIR
package and follow th e simple
directions. 60c and J1.00 from
h e re say they sell lota of Ja d S a lts to and ill-natured.”—W ashington Star.
FREE FROM DANDRUFF
your d ru g g ist or feed dealer.
folks w ho believe in overcom ing kid­
Valuable book, "The Home Cow
ney tro u b le w hile it is only trouble.
Girls! Try It! Hair gets s ft, fluffy
Doctor,” free by w riting,
A Concession.
and beautiful—Get a 25 cent
“A fter looking a t th e postal stam ps
D A IR Y A S S O C IA T IO N COM PANY
The Reason.
bottle of Danderine.
B y n d o n v llle , V t.
He— W hy do th o se football men of o th e r co u n tries I have come to the
conclusion
th
a
t
you
c
a
n
't
b
e
a
t
ou
rs.”
w ear Bpikes in th e ir shoes?
If you care for heavy h a ir th a t glis­
"M
aybe
not,
b
u
t
all
th
e
sam
e,
it
It—W hy—e r—th e y a re th e new
ten s w ith beauty and is ra d ia n t with
C oast defense. (D eep stu ff.)— Widow. g ets lo ts of lickings." — B altim ore life; has an incom parable softness and
A m erican.
A Good Way to Find Out.
is fluffy and lustrous, try D anderine.
S tu d e n t—How m uch board do I
Aa we grow more sensible, we refuse drug
J u s t one application doubles the
An
Improvement.
cathartics and take Nature’s herb cure, Gar-
E d ito r—Y our sto ry lack s originality. beauty f your hair, besides i im m e­ owe you?
held Tea.
L andlady—How long hav e you been
You em ploy the old hackneyed ex p res­ diately dissolves every particle of
sions. T ak e th is line, for example: dandruff. You can not have nice in college?— B runonian.
Gas.
"I h e a r Jo n es died from a single “ W ith th e low cry she san k to the heavy, h ealthy hair If vou have dan­
druff. T his destructive scurf robs the
floor."
blow.”
Beware.
A uthor—W ell, then, w e’ll have h er h a ir of its lustre, its stren g th and its
"W h a t h it h im ?”
M any a cap tiv a tin g co-ed h as lost
very
life,
and
if
not
overcom
e
it
pro­
sin
k
to
th
e
ceiling.
—
B
oston
T
ra
n
­
"No one. H e blew out the g a s.”—
good stand-in by gueeslng
duces a feverishness and it hing of a th e perfectly
script.
Illinois Siren.
w rong nam e over a telephone.—
th e scalp; th e h a ir roots fam ish, loos­
en and die; then the h a ir falls out M innehaha.
Blamed Again.
G uest—Good gracious, w aiter! Nine fast. Surely get a 25-cent bottle of
K now lton’s D anderine from -n y drug
and n in e m ake IS, n o t 19!
W alter—Ah, b u t m onsieur m u st re ­ sto re and ju s t try it.
m em ber th a t ev ery th in g has been au g ­
m ented by th e w ar.—S outhern W om­
Cincinnati authority saya corns
A Motorist's Resentment.
a n ’s M agazine.
“ Have you studied economy in the
dry up and lift out
hom e?"
Scientific Comparison.
with fingers.
“ Yes," replied Mr. Chuggins. “ I’m
“Do you reg ard th e D arw inian th e­
tired of paying out all th is m oney to
ory as p ro v e d ?”
“No,” replied the stu b b o rn citizen, keep up a cooking range, instead of
Ouch ! ? ! ? ! !
T h is kind of rough
spending it for gasoline.”— W ashing- Mrs.
Quinn's
Experience
talk will be h eard less h ere in tow n if “In my opinion it’s one of th o se things ton
Star.
people troubled w ith co rn s will follow th a t k e p t being in v estig ated so long
Ought to Help You Over
th e sim ple advice of th is C incinnati th a t everybody decided th e re w asn ’t
the Critical Period.
a u th o rity , w ho claim s th a t a few drops any an sw e r and lost in te re st." —W ash­
of a dru g called freezone when applied ington S tar.
to a te n d e r, aching co rn o r h ardened
With Plenty to Eat.
Ik>well, Mass —“ F o r th e last three
callous sto p s so ren ess a t once, and
T he annou n cem en t th a t an explorer
years I have been troubled w ith the
soon th e corn or callous dries up and
who is going to try to g e t close to the
C hange o f Life and
lifts rig h t off w ithout pain.
th e bad feelings
H e say s freesone d rie s im m ediately north pole Is planning to ta k e w ith
common a t t h a t
and never Inflam es o r even Irrita te s him food to la st six y ears will proba­
tim e. I w as in a
th e su rro u n d in g skin. A sm all b ottle bly re s u lt in a g re a t ru sh of applicants
very nervous condi­
of freezone will cost very little a t any to Join th e p arty .— B altim ore Star.
tion, w ith headaches
d ru g sto re, but will positively rem ove
The Reason.
and pain a g o o d
every h ard o r soft corn o r callous
“ If I sta n d on my head, th e blood
deal of the tim e so I
from one’s f e e t M illions of A m erican
w as unfit to do my
women will welcome th is announce­ all ru sh e s to my head, doesn’t i t ? ”
No one v en tu red to co n tra d ic t him.
work. A f r i e n d
m en t sin ce th e in au g u ratio n of the
“Now,” ho continued triu m p h an tly ,
high heels. If your d ru g g ist do esn 't
asked m e to try
have freesone tell him to o rd er a sm all "w hen I sta n d on my feet, w hy do esn ’t
Lydia E. Pinkham 's
th e blood all rush in to my fe e t? ”
b ottle for you.
V e g e t a b l e Com­
“B ecause,” replied H o ste tte r Mc-
pound, which I did,
Glnnes, “your feet a re not em pty.”—
and it has helped m e in every way. I
Getting at the Facte.
R am 's H orn.
am not nearly so nervous, no headache
"Did 1 u n d erstan d you to say th a t
or pain. I m u st say th a t Lydia E.
your friend P ennlbbs w as engaged
A Cynical Parent.
Pinkham ’s V egetable Compound is the
in lite ra ry p u rsu its,” she queried.
D aughter — Oh, b u t m en a re so
b est rem edy any sick woman can take. ”
"W ell, I hope not,” replied th e dreadfully lacking in self-control.
—Mrs. M argaret Q uinn , R ear 259
know ing y ung m an. "I m erely sta te d
M other—D on't get excited about it,
W orthen S t., Lowell, Mass.
th a t he w ro te alleged sto ries and dear. If they w eren 't m ost girls would
O ther w arning sym ptom s a re a sense
poem s for th e m agazines."-E xchange. die old m aids.— Boston T ran scrip t.
of suffocation, h o t flashes, headaches,
backaches, dread of im pending evil,
A Compensation.
His Second Childhood.
tim idity, sounds in the ears, nplpitation
of the h e a rt, sp ark s before th e eyes,
“G eraldine, this is a bad h a b it of
"T he idea of h e r m arry in g a m an in
irregularities, constipation, variable
yours g e ttin g a new d ress every th e evening of life like old G rum ley.”
week.”
appetite, w eakness, inquietude, and
“T h e even in g of life ? H e's fu rth e r
dizziness.
"Tee. ma. and see how easily this along th an th at; I should say early in
If you need special advice, w rite to
bad habit fastens on ma.”—Baltimore th e n ex t m orning." — B oston T ra n ­
A m e ric a s
the Lydia EL Pink ham Medicine Co.
s c r ip t
[confidential), Lynn, M ass.
will stop
that itch
Sore
H u rra h ! H o w 's This
WOMEN OF
MIDDLE AGE
ELPFUL
EALTH
IN TS
C h oose an
able diet.
agree-
K eep th e d ig estio n
norm al.
S e e th a t th e liver
is a ctiv e, and
The b o w e ls'a lw a y s
regular.
Should weakness develop, TRY
HOSTETTERS
Stomach
Bitters