GOOD ROADS,
GOOD HOMES,
BEST CHEESE
VOL.
CLOVERDALE
The Nestucca Valley First,
Last and all the
Time.
NO. 12
CLOVERDALE, TILLAMOOK COUNTY, OREGON, OCTOBER 18,1917
j 3.
LAUGH TO DAY
TO-MORROW YOU MAY NOT FEEL
LIKE IT.
C O R R E CTIO N .
A PROSAIC AFFAIR
“Did you call Bliggins a pin-
< head ?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you’re wrong. A pinhead
can be polished.”
~T
A W ESO M E A U T H O R I T Y .
“Did you bring up your boy to lx
a slacker, my dear woman?”
“No, ma’am, hut then somebody’«
got to ’tend to the lime work in thii i “Anything romantic about their
wedding?”
business.”
“Nothing whatever. She can cook,
N A T U R A L PROCEEDING.
and he has a job.”
“Pa, do they muzzle poets?”
STUNG.
“Of course not, child. Why dr
you ask ?”
“Did you get that recipe on how to
“But don’t poets have to have s prevent
your hair from falling out
license as well as dogs?”
you sent the dollar for?”
“I did. The recipe read: ‘Quar
SUSPICIOUS GRIEF.
rel with your wife and'get it pulled
“Ts Mrs. Oldboy i-. mourning foi ' out.’
her husband ?”
IN HIS LINE.
“How do 1 know? I’m no mind-1
reader.”
“What have we here?” asked the
doctor.
T H E PRELIMINARIES.
“Box of canned lobster,” said the
“Now, my boy, I want you to net- freight agent,
tie down.”
“That ought to interest a doctor.
“All right, ftitlief. Then you’ll; Books like a case.of indigestion.”
have to help me to settle up.”
HOARDING.
“Is Bliggins a miser?”
“ I shouldn't say that, lie's lib
eral with money. But he’s terribly
stingy with a bucket of coaL”
I
bo
N E CE S SA R Y SLACKING.
She—When you ask me to marry
you why do you laugh ?
lie—Well, 1 don't like to get to«
¡serious about such matter*
“JJeen hunting today, stranger?”
AKE care of your money and it will take care of you.
“Yes.”
,
)
Some time iu your life you will need the help that a little
“Shot anything?”
c.F_
.¿p
ready
money affords. If you take care of your present
“I don’t know—I’m waiting for
the rest of the party to get into camp income, you will accumulate a surplus fund that may bo used in
so that we can call the roll.”—Coun case of sickness or loss of steady income. Begin by opening a
try Gentleman.
Saving Account at this Bank and then deposit a portion of the
money received. We welcome Savings Account in ar.y amount
T H E OB STA CLE.
from a dollar upwards. Your money will be safe and earn inter
so that your account will grow, both by your deposits and in
“Don’t cast that actor for an old est,
terest
additions,
•alt in the play.”
4
Per
Cent
Paid on Savins.. r,nd Time Deposits. Best Banking Facil
“Why not?”
ities iu Town.
“Because he’s too fresh.”
TILLA M O O Establi.hed
K C O in U J 902 NTY B A N K
C Y N IC A L COM M EN T.
-
-
Oregon
“I’m just crazy to have a monkey . Tillamook,
for a pet.”
“How we all do long for the - i
T H E W H O L E STORY.
A FRIENDLY TIP
defy of our kind !”
“When a man is angry he tells you
N O T POSSIBLE.
what lie thinks of you.”
“Yes; and when a wdnian is angry
“I lost heavily in that electrical
she
tells you what she thinks of you
concern.”
and
what everybody else thinks ol
“How could you lose heavily in a J
you.”
light investment?”
______
“I’ll bet one cook ain't so high and
mighty.”
“Which one?”
“The one where the feed dictatoi
boards.”
L E A V IN G A LOOPHOLE.
Money will Take Care of You
SOME M IG H T BE MISSING.
C O U LD BE WORSE.
SP ECIFICA TIO NS.
“What do you think of the twe
candidates ?”
“All 1 cn* say is I’m thankful
only one of them can be elected.”
“Is your friend in good standing
at the bar?”
“Well, it’s good enough for a treat
to the crowd.”
THE
W E N T HOME H UNGRY.
R E T O R T C O U R TE O US .
“They’re certainly patriotic.”
“What makes you think so?”
“I ha<l dinner at their house th(
other
night.”
Willis—Say. Sis. I was peeking
through the keyhole when George
A N E W SORT.
A D I F F E R E N T KIND.
wns here last night and he’d do well
read that book on “llow to Make “What are the best sellers just
“We had shortcake for dinner to to Love.”
now ?”
day.”
“I should think those full of th<
“So had we—so shori it wouldn’t
T H E L A T T E R , FR ORACLY.
winter's
supply of coal.”
go around.”
Clerk—Did you notice that the of
T I R E D OF LIFE .
W H E R E IN T H E R ESEM BLA NC E.
fice hoy has dark < in k> under his
eyes ?
“She married to reform him.”
SOME M ELO N!
“She reminds me of the sea."
('.•wilier—Ye?, but I d n’t know “Well ?”
“Howzat ?”
whether lie needs xc ¡¡cine or soap.
“ He's convinced her that she liaf
A watermelon raised in the Rocky “She
looks
green—but,
sometime«
a
life
job.”
Ford district of Cojorado^is said tc she's awful rough.”
OF
COURGE.
be the largest melon ever grown. It
P L E N T IF U L .
weighed 100 pounds, and was nearly
NO DO UBT.
“Jones ltns invented a machine to
five feet high.
Grace -Don’t you think this ail
lay
the dust.”
“Do you think that girl makes ;» “ITis
wonderful
tip here in the country?
object being to raise it, 1
A T T H E BOARDING HOUSE.
habit of reflect ion ?”
Ruth
(whose
thoughts are of th<
* impose.”
“Does
she?
She’s
forever
at
tho
city)--Yes;
there’s
so much of it.
First Boarder (indignantly)— looking glass.”
AMONG
E
XP
LORERS.
Phi« bash is an insult!
CONTRARY T R E A TM E N T.
Second Ditto—Swallow it, deal S U G G E S TIV E D E P R E C IA TIO N » .
“What’s
the
use
of
going
to
the
boy, «wallop it!
North pole? It has been discov “He had a hard time. His wife al
Tom—What do you think of the ered.”
ways has bills on hand.”
new styles for women with pock/ets “Yes. But once in a while some “What does he do?”
on their dresses?
body lias to get out and see whethei “Foots ’em.”
Dmk (gloomily) —Nothing in •what
was discovared is an optical
em.
IM P A TIE N CE .
illusion.”
He—Y ou women have a mania
for getting cheap things.
She—Yes; I suppose that is how
I came to marry you.
-
Ilold Fast to the Dollar.
ALIM ONY.
SERIOUS R E F L E C T IO N S .
She—What's the mcaniiig of “giv
“A man is happiest by his owd
ing comfort to the enemy*?”
fireside.”
He—I t’ink it means “payin' ali
“lie is, if he can keep his mind ofl
mony.”—Cartoons.
the cost of coal.”
POOR FELLOW
HIS C O N D ITIO N .
“ «hat a sad picture the czar and
his family must make, taken oil t«
Siberia.”
“Yes, a regular movie picture.”
SPOILING HIM.
“They’re spoiling that child.”
TERE is an old saying that “any fool can make a dollar,
but it takes a wise man to hold it. There is one sure
way of holding the dollar, and that is to bank it. When
a man deposits his surplus cash he is loath to draw it ont.
On the contrary, if lie carries the money On his person there al
ways is the temptation to ape-nd. Bank your money with us.
T
NESTUCCA VALLEY BANK
Cloverdale, Oregon.
“j’n what way?”
“They're giving him potato«
twice a dav.”
W E L L DONE.
She— ITow long will they be raw
recruit* ?
He—.Until the veterans finish
roasting’ them!-- Buck.
• Tom—Slow boy proposed to lhat
T H E REASON.
college graduate last night.
“You seemed to have bottled up
Dick—And wa-= turned rbywn?
your
wrath on this expedition.”
Tom—He doesn't know. She user?
“No
womler; we had »uch a cork
such big words that he ccul In't un
ing
good
tux'e.’’
derstand v. hat sh<- was sa(\ u ig.
Impatiencs la a poor master
and a hard ona aa wall. In tna
Impatient mood wa art apt to
• pand far mora than la required
In the doing of our work, and
this excest ie loat. We cannot
aatimate tha valua of tha powar
thua misplaced. Whan tha im
patient mood becomea tha habit
of a lifatima you can underetand
that failure and perhapa loss of
health and energy are inevitable.
— Emily 8. Bouton.
------------------------------------------------
♦
A Hair’a Draadth.
Measurement by less Mum a hair ■
breadth now 1ms a definite meaning In
machine »bops. Iu all of the large
shops there ¡ire Instruments that will
measure the thickness of u cigarette
paper, much thinner than a hair An
inch can he divided Into 10,000 parta.
and seventeen of these parts will make
( a “hair's breadth." Fume of the most
| dell ate measurements are made nt tbe
* government gun factory at Washing
ton, where many of the greaf guns for
the army and navy are manufactured.
The word "lancet" 1« found In only
one plaee in the Bible, I Kings xrll, 28.
The terra is not the blade used by sur
geon*. but appears to mean a javelin or
light s|>ear.