VOL. 11.
CLOVSRDALE, TILLAM OOK COUNTY. OREGON, A P R IL 27, 1916
A TRAMP AND
HIS FORTUNE
This Story Not to be Taken Lit­
erally—What an Editor
Does When Short
of Copy.
A gent of the shabby genteel stepped
into this office recently and after intro­
ducing himielt as Mr. So and So, pro­
ceeded smiling to tell the editor how
well pleased was he with the looks of
the surrounding country and the pros­
perous appearance of the village and in-
cidently remarking that he was looking
for an investment.
We greeted him happily and began to
ask all sorts of questions as to the kind
of business he wished to engage in,
when he told us his greater ambition
was to embark in the newspaper busi­
ness.
The conversation became more inter­
esting and when it got to that point
where it was not impolite to ask him
how much money he had to invest,
the editor unhesitatingly put the ques­
tion to him.
The caller smiled, looked around to
ascertain if anyone besides the editor
W..8 listening, then he proceeded, first
displaying a silver dollar. See that
cartwheel. Well, as I was sauntering
around the town just above or below
he e, a prospérons looking guy endeav­
oring to get next to why I was in his
town and for what reason had gained
admittance to the burg, accosted me
and after a tete-a-tee about the weather
I explained to my friend that his town
needed a tirst-class, up-to-the minute
weekly journal and felt it my duty to
supply that long felt want.
“ Good,” said the man, “ let ine intro­
duce you to some of my friend« here.”
Not yet said I, I have decided on just
what I intend to do, and to better per-
fet my plans 1 do not wish to be inter
viewed.
“ Well,” said my new acquaintance,
as he fished out this shiner from the
bottom of his jeans, “ I want to have
the honor of being the first cash-in ad­
vance subscriber to your paper and here
is the price for a year’s subscription.”
I hated to take the money, but it had
been so long since I had fondled a coin
of this dimension that I felt a renewal
of old acquaintances was not to be
avoided except for good and sufficient
reasons.
I tell you, Mr. Editor, I am a news­
paper man, first, last, and all tlio time,
and I have just discovered the fountain
head of mv fortune.
Without permitting the chap of seedy
clothes to exploit himself further, we
offered him a four bit piece to make a
noise with his dollar, if he would write a
column of copy fit to use. Quisically
sizing up the situation as to whether the
four bits would be forth-coming or not,
he nodded assent and seated himself in
front of the keyboard of the type­
writer. The tramp rattled the key
board with rapidity and the effusions
that follow was a result of thirty
minutes’ work:
“ Say, now, as a country editor sure I
will have just one hum-hum of a time.
SS5T3
N e stu cc a
VaSEey
Bank
G L O V 5 R D /\ L E , OR EG ON
W e Want Your Banking jj
Business
jjj
H
Several of our customers are people we do not know by sight j
though we have done business by mail with them for years.
any other can give you.
You need the Bank n*
we need your business.
M U T U A L IT Y , T h a t’s all
Bank with your home bank and enlarge
the Business scope of the Nestucca Valley.
kC
m
W
M
W
3
R
N
We
believe we have given them satisfactory banking service and can
give you the same satisfaction.
Mail us Your Next Check or Checks
It saves you time, and TIME IS MONEY, especially at this season •
of the year. No need to come to the bank in person..
SECURITY AND SERVICE Our Motto
Here I am, sweating icycles in ■ pain­
ful endeavor to grind out a grist of. in­
tellectual hash for your consumption,
and when I spring this brilliant produc­
tion upon you about the most illumin­
ating commendation I’ll receive will be
a grunt.
“ A few people go through this world
on their brains, many slip by on their
nerve, while a bunch just slide along in
the other fellow’s grease. But never
mind vour gun, for I diplomatically
concede^that you, individually, are of
the first named, while we other mortals
are humbly grasping at the frazzle end
of the grtase.
“ Time was when we could make our­
selves fairly well understood by bluntly
calling it a lie, but now a more appro­
priate and expressive term will have to
be coined for some of the stuff the yel­
low correspondents are sending np from
the border. The other day Villa was
reported in five different places, was
minus one leg, crippled in the other,
shot through the stomach, well and
hearty, and dead and buried all at one
and the same time. Even we coutd not
equal that record for sublime truth and
veracity.
“ There are times in the lives of the
wisest of men when they are so utterly
foolish as to he sublimely ridiculous,
superbly idiotic. No, we are not going
to tell you what they are. The wise
ones know' of them, others suspect, while
others who neither know nor suspect,
can have a jolly time guessing.
“ This earth is overburdened with
brainless, spineless, idiotic.', egotistical
and exasperating nincompoops.
But,
then, we haven’t any of the breed in
this town, so why that sudden flush on
your nolle brow? Have a smoke—on
yourself.
“ A staid and dignified citizen avers
that ‘ nothing so takes the edge off the
liner instincts of a man as egotism.’
Which, incidentally, might pass with­
out challenge were it not for the fact
that an egotist is one of those pesti­
ferous its without edge or instinct.
“ A wife, seme kids, a good home, a
dog, a cat, a peacock, a car, a million
plunks. What more needy a greedy cuss
pq
And can give you all the advantages that ^
NO. 42
want?
“ The fellow who wants something for
nothing—or nothing for something—le s
but to look in the glass, name it, and
take it.”
Just received a complete line of fish­
ing tackle. The season is on and wo
have the kind of tackle you want. V.
Learned, Cloverdale.
The Evening Telegram, Portland’ s
best daily paper, and the Cloverdale
Courier, both papers one year for only
$:$.5o.
THE
C O U L T E R CO.
Manufacturers of Violins, Mandolins
and Guitars—Select Strings and Rosin
—Revoicing, restoring and repairing
Violins. Workmanship of 20 years of
high grade experience.
E. Burns, Agent, “
o“
-
F. R. BEALS
REAL ESTATE
Write for Literature.
TILLAMOOK.
-
-
OREGON
Attention Dairymen !
I want all the Red, While
and Roan Bulls and Heifers,
also Holstein Heifers and
Guernsey Heifers I can get.
I will pay a good price for
this class of stock.
If there is no other way
available send them to me on
the stage and I will pay the
chargea.
SMITH, The Call Man
Tillamook, Oregon.