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STATE PARAGRAPHS
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IN T E R E S TIN G
BITS OF CONDENSED NEW S G A T H E R E D FROM
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E a sy Choice.
“ You must choose between ns!"
shouted Minx. "You can't have both
When that dressmaker was last In this
house I vowed that she should never
come again I have had all I'm ever
going to have of being under the same
roof with two seminutty women and
requiring a rake every morning to get
the odd pieces of cloth out of my
clothes I shall never again stt at my
meals hearing the whir o f that cursed
sewing machine and listening to a lot
of plaited, ruffled, cut bias and flounc­
ed talk in which I have no chance to
Join The day that woman comes I go
Make your decision now. Do you
choose your husband or your dress­
maker?"
With limpid eyes the lady looked
upon her husband Then she breathed
a sigli and said
“ Well. dear. If you must go what can
I say?” —New York Globe
His P r iz e G a rd e n .
Somebody asked old Doe Quigley
why he didn't trim off his scraggly
beard
“ Not on vour life." he replied.
“Thera whiskers Is tli only thing I
ever had any luck in raisin’ —an' It
took me seven days a week an' twen­
ty-four hours a day for twenty-three
years to bring 'em to their present
state o f perfection.’" —Cleveland Plain
I tealer
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L»os Angeles
and return
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VARIO U S SOURCES IN ORE<¿ON
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Mo College Degree In Brazil.
Mra/illan law. it is claimed, prohibits j
lie establishment o f any university be- |
mise “ the conferring o f academic dis­
tinctions is contrary to tlit* principles
of true democracy." There are many j
institutions in Brazil where medicine
,.nd law are taught, and these grant j
certificates o f proficiency to pupils
who complete tin* course in a satisfac- [
tory manlier. Mat. however well quail-
lied he may lie. no Brazilian can legally j
get a degree in his own couutry o f a {
doctor of medicine or o f law.
f
i
Too Vigorous.
Vicar (to sextom—That pulpit cush­
ion is worn out. Edward. 1 wish you
would see that a new one is put on. j
Edward (grim ly)-Y es. sir: I know it
be worn out. an’ It's the third one this
year. II ain’t iny place to pass re­
marks. sir, hut in my opinion there’s ;
si'eli a thing as carryln' religion a lee- |
tie too far? London Opinion.
5
from Portland
Six Months Return Limit
Stopovers at Pleasure.
On S a l e Dai l y
All rail route. Valley or Coast line between San Francisco
and Los Angeles. 4 Daily trains Portland to San Fran­
cisco. Through standard and tourist sleeping cars, diners.
Observation carB on limited trains.
“The Road of a Thousand Wonders”
Mt. Shasta — Laasen Peak — Mt, Tamulpais
Cow Creek, Rouge River and Sacramento Canyons
Santa Cruz. Santa Barbara and Los Angeies Co. Beaches
Yosemite Valley, Bakersfield Oil Fields and Orange Empire
Amicus Curiae.
“ I hope this is the last sentence I 1
shall pass upon you," said a French
magistrate to a tramp who has appear* I
ed before him regularly for many years.
Affecting surprise, the tramp replied,
"Then you think o f retiring, your wor­
ship?” —London Telegraph.
Ask the local agent or write
John M. Scott, Gen. Pass. Agt., Portland, Oregon
S o u t h e r n P a c if ic
"I»e Woo/.e seemed to got mad oe- I
Mobhle — 1 heard you got a letter cause 1 didn't laugh ut that weazened
from your brother? Joey —Indeed I Joke of his.’’
Speed of Flying Ducks.
did! Hobble—Was there anything Im­
•'Humor him when you can.
You
How fast du ilueks fly? is a question
portant in the letter? Joey —Well. I see. Do Wooze Is the sort o f humorist
didn’t open it. for on the outside of that expects somebody to smash the that sportsmen have long debated. A
the envelope w%;s printed. “ Please re­ bass drum every time he chortles a correspondent o f Forest and Stream
throws some definite light on it. Busi-
turn in live days." so I sent It back to puu.” —Cleveland 1‘ laiu Dealer.
uess requires him to ride frequently
bbn.— New York Globe.
on a railroad in New Y’ ork state thal
skirts a large lake. W ild fowl, startled
by the train, will sometimes fly for a
long distance parallel to the track at a
speed the same as that o f the train;
hence it was easy, by timing them and
getting the speed rate o f the train from
G o t “ 31 ore M o n e y “ for your Skunk the conductor, to learn how fast they
C o yo te s , Muskrat, Foxes, W h ite W ea sel and other
were going. The rate varied from for­
Fur bearers c o lle c te d in y o u r section
ty-seven miles an Lour to a little over
S H I P Y O r i l M U S D I K K C T to “ S I i r i l K R T " the larqe«t
fifty. The belief o f gueuers that ducks
house In Ihr K im lit Ue.illny exclusively in NORTH AMI.Kit AX KAIV It US
a reliable—rr i- 'iiMblf safe Fur House with an unblemishe-l rep­
sometimes travel at the rate o f a mile
utation existing for “ more than a third of a century,” a Ion suc­
a minute is therefore not far from the
cessful reoor, t s .'- h I iiut Fur Shippers prom pt,SATISFAC 'i >RY
A N D P R O F IT A P l.F . returns, w rite f o r “ K t f Ätutert fell atr."
truth.
the only reliable, accurate market report amt pnc<_ hat publ bed.
W rite for U —N O W —lt*a K it I K
R
SH U R FR T
In c
25-27 WEST AUSTIN AVE.
. D . O I ¡ U D L I U , m C . Dept io s z CH ICAG O, U.S.A.
ra • I
Hammer it.
Th e fact wm wish to ham m er is th at
li
I
Alex McNair ife Co.’s
store gives more quality, service anti satisfaction than any other
store in Tillamook county.
Our Piienominal Success Demonstates that Fact.
Keinemher Alex McNair A Co. for Builders’ Hardware,
Have Trough m g. Farm Tools, Shelf Goods, Cutlery, and every­
thin'; kept in a fully stocked hardware store.
I
Âlsx McNair & Co., Tmamook,Ore.
j
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The Sensitive Jester.
Obeyed the Order.
A
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His Misguided Taste.
“ Why. there’s Hen Peck over there!
j I wonder his w ife lets him come out
I alone! Good gracious, what an atro­
| cious necktie tie’s wearing!"
i “ Don’t tell him so.”
“ W hy not?"
“ He bougnt it all by himself.” —Cleve­
j
land Plain Dealer.
Right Side Up.
“ Now. this car is so constructed.”
said the agent, "that it can’t possibly
turn turtle."
“ Well. 1 should say not!” said .links.
“ At the price you ask for it. it oughtn’t
to turn anything short o f dinmoud
backed terrapin."—Harper’s Weekly.
Command or Entreaty.
Speaking of epitaphs, there is in an
old Kentucky cemetery a tombstone in­
Pet C o lo rs F o r Flags.
Has It ever struck you which coloi scribed to tlie memory o f one Sarah
Is most often seen in the flags of t he Cole, long known to her husband and
world?
Probably it hasn’t, because the other citizens o f her community ns
During her life there
there are not many people who can “ Aunt Sally.”
recognize more than half a dozen flags were floating minors to the effect that
at Hie outside. Well, the most popu she kept "Uncle John.” her husband. In
Inr color Is red. which Is found in the that somewhat circumscribed space
standards of no few er than nineteen known to tbe knowing as “ under her
in any event, bis fellotv
countries otit o f twenty-five Practical­ humb.”
ly every one of the Euro|iean states, townsmen like to tell that it was on
together with Mexico, Venezuela. Chile the 31st o f May that Uncle John’s mar
and Cuba, boasts the color red In their ble memorial was erected, bearing the
national flags
Blue is found In the inscription. "Sleep on. Aunt Sally, till
emblems of the United States, Russia, tlie resurrection morn!” and that it
France. Great Britain, Holland. Ecua­ was ou the 1st of June that Uncle
dor. Sweden. Chile. Portugal, Vene­ John was married to Miss Vi Davis,
zuela and Cuba. Black is not at nil the village dressmaker.—Exchange.
popular, being found only In tbe cases
of Germany. Belgium and China, while
Germany is noticeable for having black
Things In Keeping.
and white together.
Nine countries
"Can you build me n piano and leave
boast o f a flag partly yellow —viz, Aus­ tbe bark an the wood?”
tria. Spain. Belgium. Brazil. Persia.
"I guess so," opined the piano sales­
Sweden, Egypt, China and Venezuela. 1
man.
To Ecuador belongs the distinction of
“ 1 want it for my bunting lodge.
hiving a standard nearer white than
We rough it up there, you know.” —
auy other country -New York Post
fudge.