As Englishman Sees
f Oar American Humor
In his bookof stories and anecdotes,
"Tell Me Another," Lord Aberdeen, a
former governor general of Canada,
devotes a chapter to "Samples of
American Humor."
' "It is well recognized that the typi
cal humor of America is usually of
the dry quality," e says, disavowing
tfny connection between his assertion
and a certain amendment to the Con
Btltutlon. As a shining example of American
dry humor, be offers this:
A stranger who happened to be In
one of the New England states, being
doubtful about his exact whereabouts,
asked some one whom he met :
"Can you tell me how far It is to
Hartford?"
Wall tUn ... -.. ,. l
fiv, no n uj juu uie iiuw gumg
it's about 24,000 miles; but It you turn
around and go the other way It's
about a mile and a half," was the
answer.
Another characteristic of American
humor, declares Lord Aberdeen, Is a
sort of subtlety, which suggests an in
ference, not always too obvious, but
which creates amusement even before
or without analysis. A "perfect speci
men" of this particular type of humor
is furnished by a conversation over
heard between two men.
"Do vmi nlnv mlf?" nslro1 Mm nna
rt "No; but I can't give it up," an
swered the other.
1;
i 21 Years Ago
January 3, 1908
.'S winter
,ii In Sunny
CALIFORNIA
Take the Union
fc.Jv.-j? Pacific kunshine circle
fcfv4 trio to delightful
jy wuiiiorma wncrc winter
I nicm summer ana count v
L-f lew pleasure await you. I
f Oneway via Salt Lake City;
j2? the other via Portland. New
tcencs, new placet all the way.
Pine, fast trains. Stopover
t going and returning.
MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!
U N IDW
PACIFIC
ui OVERLAND UWTB
C. M. EAGER.
Agent,
Athena, Orgeon.
i
The relatives and invited guests of
the members of Dolph Lodge, A. F. &
A. M., to the number of about 150
gathered at their hall on last Friday
evening, Dec. 27, and enjoyed witness
ing their impressive installation cere
monies, in which the following officers
were installed for the ensuing term,
Wm, Chamberlain acting as installing
officer: A. B. McEwen, Worshipful
Master; A. M. Johnson, senior War
den; D. G. McKenize, Junior Warden;
Byron Hawks, Junior Deacon, Edward
Foster, Senior Deacon; B. D. Clemons,
Treasurer; Edward Koontz, Secre
tary; Dr. L. Dell, Tyler. - '
One of the most pleasant and
thoroughly successful functions of the
season was planned and carried out
Tuesday evening, New Year's eve, by
Mr. and Mrs. A. A. Foss and Mr. and
Mrs. Fred Kershaw. The rooms of the
Commercial club, were tastefully
decorated in green and white, stream
ers of these colors draping windows,
ceiling and walls. Tables were pre
pared for 28, and the game was pro
gressive whist.
The family of Bern Bannister have
nearly all been afflicted this week with
measles, and Mrs. Bannister herself is
in a critical condition, the disease at
tacking her in the throat.
Mr. and Mrs. Otis Whiteman, Miss
Eva Rider and her brother, Mr. Will
Rider, attended the New Year's ball
at Weston Wednesday night.
Mr. and Mrs. Will M. Peterson and
son Kaley, were in town Saturday
xrom Pendleton, guests at the E. A.
Kuaiey home.
Jar. and Mrs. John Q. Feebler were
visiting in the city the first of the
weeK, and were accompanied to their
home in i'endleton by Mrs. Hugh Tay
lor. lurs. A. Snick has been at the farm
una week, where sue has been attend
ing Lorain, tne little son of Arthur
snick, wno has been ill for several
weeks with an affection of the throat.
Mrs. Frank Gagnon, who recently
returned from an extended visit to
friends in the east was taken violent
ly ill last night and Dr. Sharp was
summoned. Mrs. Gagnon had swal
lowed a small piece of oyster shell,
and it was some time before she could
gain relief.
H. N. Payne, for several months
telegraph operator at the O. R. & N.
office in this city, accompanied by his
wife, left for Los Angles last Friday.
His successor is Mr. A. G. Gilliland,
an employe of the company who has
been in charge of the office at Hil
gard for some time.
A. B. McEwen, the hardware mer
chant, has purchased the Peebler &
Chamberlain stock of agricultural im
plements, vehicles, etc. Mr. McEwen
takes possession at once, inventory of
the stock now being under way.
Mrs. H. H. Hill has again been the
lucky recipient of a prize given by a
Boston, Mass., school for art needle
work. Mrs. Hill has twice before re
ceived premiums from there on her
work, and once at the Walla Walla
fair. This time it is a knitted silk
baby sack. Mrs. Hill receives the
cash prize, and her piece of work
back also.
e.r.cw-uM,
to
mo?
38 ru
FREEWATER.OREGON.
Big vigorous Collins Chicks from high producing pure-bred
flocks. Selected for rapid growth and high vitality. Collins chicks
grow faster, mature quicker and develop into better layers than the
ordinary chicks. Production is what counts. We guarantee 100 per
cent of live, vigorous chicks sent prepaid, by parcel post or express.
S. C. White Leghorns, 15c each; Rocks and Reds and all heavy
breeds, 18c. We also do custom hatching. Send or bring us your
chicken or turkey eggs. -
C. F. COLLINS, Proprietor, Freewater, Oregon
See .
C. M. Jones
for
Blacksmithing
and
icetylene Welding
Truck Beds Built to Order
Foley's Honey and Tar
vires colds, prevents pneumonia
fcftjnfff .liifrVi Mii'iA 'mi Trflf tflff aiifiiiiri3
Athena Leather Shop
Chippewa and Trade Builder
Shoes
Shoes repaired the Right Way
Soles Sewed On
Antotop, Curtain and Cushion Work
Harness Oiled in the Right Way
75c Set
Perry Hall, Athena Oregon
"SUPREME AUTHORITY"
WEBSTER'S
NEW INTERNATIONAL
DICTIONARY
-THE MERRIAM WEBSTER
Because
Hundreds of Supreme Court
Judges concur in highest praise
of the work as their Authority.
The Presidents of all leading UnU
versities, Colleges, and Normal
Schools give their hearty Indent
ment. All States that have adopted a
large dictionary as standard have
selected Webster's New Interna
tional. The Schoolbooks of the Country
adhere to the Merrianv Webster
system of diacritical marks.
The Government Printing Office
at Washington uses it as authority.
WRITE fat a aunple pi Be of the Ntm
Vordt, apeebnen of Regular and bulla
Ftpcn. FRiE.
etc
MfHTiam
Co,
Spring.
flata.
Eclzac's Odd Opinion '-.
of Own Character
Honore de Balzac's own estimate of
himself is to be found in a letter he
wrote to the Duchess d'Abrantes. The
letter is included la the memoirs of a
mysterious contemporary of the author
collected and published In Paris re
cently by. Charles Leger.
"I comprise In my five feet and
two Inches," Balzac declared, "all pos
sible Incoherencies and contrasts, and
those who regard me as vain, prodi
gal, stubborn, frlvolons, without con
tinuity of ideas, a coxcomb, Idler,
lacking application, reflection or per
sistence, talkative, tactless, unman
nerly, impolite, crotchety, of uneven
humor, will be Just as right as those
who might call me economical, mod
est, courageous, tenacious, energetic,
unstudied, a hard worker, persistent,
taciturn, subtle and tactful, polite, al
ways cheerful.' The one who deems
me a poltroon will not be more wrong
than he who says I am extremely
brave, that I am learned or ignorant,
full of talent or Inept Nothing sur
prises me any longer about myself. I
end by believing that I am only an
instrument played upon by circum
stances. Detroit News.
Open Mind Requisite
of Proper Judgment
Tour judgment is no better than
your information, Is a good statement
to memorize. It la certain that to ac
quire Judgment, one must Investigate
; a subject from different angles. The
first Information may only tell part
of the truth. One may discover that
he has been misinformed or so slightly
informed that it la a nnnr fniinrtaHnn
on which to form an opinion.
if you only read what you already
know, you learn nothing. Some do not
want to read something new or read
the other side of a question on which
they have narrow but profound convic
tions. They stop the paper that dares
discuss views with which they cannot
agree or understand. They condemn
the preacher or the teacher who taxes
their minds with new ideas.
The way to acquire knowledge Is to
keep an open mind so that different
ancles of thoncht man nrooonf Hum.
I -j o j u Mi&ur
selves for your information. That is
tne oasis of sound Judgment Success
ful Farming. '
Renting System Old
We find no exact records of the first
rent paid. It Is said that when the
Germans conquered parts of Gaul, the
land was parceled out to chiefs, lieu
tenants and private soldiers. In return
the holders of the lands promised mili
tary service when needed. Some of the
land was given to favorites who were
allowed to pay In money instead of
service, and the system was estab
lished. Rent was certainly known In
the days that Rome flourished, there
being Latin names for rent under
long leasehold tenure; rent of a farm;
ground rent; rent of state lands, antf
the annual rent payable for the right
to the perpetual enjoyment of anything
built on the surface of the land
Washington Star.
Myth About Monkeys
It Is often stated that monkeys
sometimes cross streams by means
of "monkey bridges." We doubt, says
the Pathfinder Magazine, whether
anybody has positive knowledge . of
monkeys forming a bridge by taking
hold of each other in order to cross
a stream. Monkeys do, however,
hang on to one another from time to
time and sometimes one will seize and
climb up the tail of another. One
will even sometimes draw another up.
Dr. William M. Mann, director of
the National Zoological park, believes
the story about monkeys making a
bridge was suggested by the maneuv
ers of the spider monkeys of South
America. -
Expression Long in Use
Thousands of years ago the Egyp
tians spoke of their dead as those who
had "gone west" The abode of the
dead was believed by them to be In
the west, the land of the setting sun.
Similar beliefs were held by other peo
ples, among them some American In
dian tribes, who believed that the
"happy hunting ground" was In the
west and who therefore frequently
put their dead on scaffolds facing that
direction. Whether the modern term
"to go west" has any etymological con
nection with these old beliefs to unknown.
Leisurely Spaniards .
In Spain there are many bullock
carts on the road. They travel slowly
along the highways. Auto salesmen,
visiting that country, see a fine chance
for sales. But it isn't so easy to make
the sale. Slung beneath the high ve
hicle is a hammock. In this the driver
can sleep peacefully while the bullock
plods along the road. In time be gets
there, and be finds it soon enough.
Perhaps the dwellers in what we call
less progressive countries are right in
resisting the appeal of speed.
Development of Watch
Out of the experiment with "Nurem
berg eggs," as the first watches were
called, evolved various devices for
keeping time, but It was not until the
Eighteenth century that the watch as
we know It today was designed. Thom
as Toinplon. who died in 1713, In
rented the flrxt dead-beat escapement
for watches, George Graham Improved
on the principle, and Pierre le Roy
riiMnitKcl to overcome the gain or loss
at time cauHed by the contraction or
expansion of the mainspring.
Now On a Cash Basis
Prices Are Talking
CANNED CORN
Corn. Old Price 15c New Price Two for 25c
Corn, Old Price 20c ..............:...................:... New Price 15c
Corn, Old Price 25c . New Price 20c
Corn, Old Price 30c .New Price 25c
CANNED PEAS
Peas, Old Price 15c. New Price Two for 25c
Peas, Old Price 20c ..New Price 15c
Peas, Old Price 25c ...New Price 20c
STRING BEANS
String Beans, Old Price 20c... : .............New Price 15c
String Beans, Old Price 25c . New Price 20c
String Beans, Old Price 30c ...New Price 25c
String Beans, Old Price 35c. New Price 30c
SYRUP
Liberty Bell Syrup, Old Price 'z gal. 1.15. New Price 85c
Liberty Bell Syrup, Old Price 1 gal. 2.25... New Price 1.65
Tea Garden Syrup, Old Price Vi gal. 95c New Price 80c
Tea Garden Syrup, Old Price 1 gal. 1.85 .....New Price 1.55
Heniz Catsup Old Price 40c New Price 30c
Bread, Old Price loaf 10c .....New Price 3 for 25c
Folger's Coffee, Old Price 60c... .....New Price 57c
Special Flannel Shirts Price 2.15 now 1.65
All Clothing 20 per cent off
STEVE'S GROCERY
Quality Quantity. Service. Phone 171. , Athena, Oregon
DR. W. G. COWAN
. .
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
; Athena, Oregon
Dr. W. Boyd Whyte
CHIROPRACTOR .
Stangier Building, Phone 706
Pendleton, Oregon. 957 J
WATT3 & PRESTBYE
Attorney s-At-Law
Main Street, Athena, Oregon
State and Federal Court Practice
ir umt 111 HI BtM M1 BWI m BBI Ml II m m
The Athena Hotel
MRS. LAURA FROOME, Prop.
Courteous Treatment Clean Beds
Good Meals
Tourists Made Welcome
Special Attention Given
to Home Patrons
Corner Main and Third
Athena, Oregon .
4
Conoco Gasoline
1
Quick Starting-Packed With Extra Miles
Motor Oils Greases
Bryce Baker, Agent
Phones 761 and 31F11, Athena
DR. S. F. SHARP
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
Athena, Oregon
DR.J.L.GEYER
Dentist
Post Building, Athena, Phone 682
Don't Get Caught With
a Frozen Radiator
LET US
Prevent It
"Pinks" Place
- - THE
tCILGORE CAFE
Special Attention Given to School Children
Chicken Tamales Chile Beans
GOOD FOUNTAIN SERVICE
Gerald Kilgore, Proprietor - - Athena, Oregon
THE ATHENA MARKET
Bell & Venable
, Phones 22 and 24 ;
Two Auto
Truck Drays
Always At Your Service
City and Country
HAULING
and Horse Team Work
We carry the best
Meat
That Money Buys
Kippered Salmon, all Kinds of Salt Fish. Fresh
Fish, Oysters, Crabs, Clams, Kraut in Season.
A. W. LOGSDON
Main Street Athena, Oregon.
The Lumber
You Need
If you are planning alterations or ad
ditions to your building, let us give
you an estimate on the Lumber need
ed. You will be pleasantly surprised
at the reasonble total we will quote.
Wood and Coal
Fence Posts
Tum-A-Lum Lumber Co. Main Street, Athena