As Englishman Sees f Oar American Humor In his bookof stories and anecdotes, "Tell Me Another," Lord Aberdeen, a former governor general of Canada, devotes a chapter to "Samples of American Humor." ' "It is well recognized that the typi cal humor of America is usually of the dry quality," e says, disavowing tfny connection between his assertion and a certain amendment to the Con Btltutlon. As a shining example of American dry humor, be offers this: A stranger who happened to be In one of the New England states, being doubtful about his exact whereabouts, asked some one whom he met : "Can you tell me how far It is to Hartford?" Wall tUn ... -.. ,. l fiv, no n uj juu uie iiuw gumg it's about 24,000 miles; but It you turn around and go the other way It's about a mile and a half," was the answer. Another characteristic of American humor, declares Lord Aberdeen, Is a sort of subtlety, which suggests an in ference, not always too obvious, but which creates amusement even before or without analysis. A "perfect speci men" of this particular type of humor is furnished by a conversation over heard between two men. "Do vmi nlnv mlf?" nslro1 Mm nna rt "No; but I can't give it up," an swered the other. 1; i 21 Years Ago January 3, 1908 .'S winter ,ii In Sunny CALIFORNIA Take the Union fc.Jv.-j? Pacific kunshine circle fcfv4 trio to delightful jy wuiiiorma wncrc winter I nicm summer ana count v L-f lew pleasure await you. I f Oneway via Salt Lake City; j2? the other via Portland. New tcencs, new placet all the way. Pine, fast trains. Stopover t going and returning. MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW! U N IDW PACIFIC ui OVERLAND UWTB C. M. EAGER. Agent, Athena, Orgeon. i The relatives and invited guests of the members of Dolph Lodge, A. F. & A. M., to the number of about 150 gathered at their hall on last Friday evening, Dec. 27, and enjoyed witness ing their impressive installation cere monies, in which the following officers were installed for the ensuing term, Wm, Chamberlain acting as installing officer: A. B. McEwen, Worshipful Master; A. M. Johnson, senior War den; D. G. McKenize, Junior Warden; Byron Hawks, Junior Deacon, Edward Foster, Senior Deacon; B. D. Clemons, Treasurer; Edward Koontz, Secre tary; Dr. L. Dell, Tyler. - ' One of the most pleasant and thoroughly successful functions of the season was planned and carried out Tuesday evening, New Year's eve, by Mr. and Mrs. A. A. Foss and Mr. and Mrs. Fred Kershaw. The rooms of the Commercial club, were tastefully decorated in green and white, stream ers of these colors draping windows, ceiling and walls. Tables were pre pared for 28, and the game was pro gressive whist. The family of Bern Bannister have nearly all been afflicted this week with measles, and Mrs. Bannister herself is in a critical condition, the disease at tacking her in the throat. Mr. and Mrs. Otis Whiteman, Miss Eva Rider and her brother, Mr. Will Rider, attended the New Year's ball at Weston Wednesday night. Mr. and Mrs. Will M. Peterson and son Kaley, were in town Saturday xrom Pendleton, guests at the E. A. Kuaiey home. Jar. and Mrs. John Q. Feebler were visiting in the city the first of the weeK, and were accompanied to their home in i'endleton by Mrs. Hugh Tay lor. lurs. A. Snick has been at the farm una week, where sue has been attend ing Lorain, tne little son of Arthur snick, wno has been ill for several weeks with an affection of the throat. Mrs. Frank Gagnon, who recently returned from an extended visit to friends in the east was taken violent ly ill last night and Dr. Sharp was summoned. Mrs. Gagnon had swal lowed a small piece of oyster shell, and it was some time before she could gain relief. H. N. Payne, for several months telegraph operator at the O. R. & N. office in this city, accompanied by his wife, left for Los Angles last Friday. His successor is Mr. A. G. Gilliland, an employe of the company who has been in charge of the office at Hil gard for some time. A. B. McEwen, the hardware mer chant, has purchased the Peebler & Chamberlain stock of agricultural im plements, vehicles, etc. Mr. McEwen takes possession at once, inventory of the stock now being under way. Mrs. H. H. Hill has again been the lucky recipient of a prize given by a Boston, Mass., school for art needle work. Mrs. Hill has twice before re ceived premiums from there on her work, and once at the Walla Walla fair. This time it is a knitted silk baby sack. Mrs. Hill receives the cash prize, and her piece of work back also. e.r.cw-uM, to mo? 38 ru FREEWATER.OREGON. Big vigorous Collins Chicks from high producing pure-bred flocks. Selected for rapid growth and high vitality. Collins chicks grow faster, mature quicker and develop into better layers than the ordinary chicks. Production is what counts. We guarantee 100 per cent of live, vigorous chicks sent prepaid, by parcel post or express. S. C. White Leghorns, 15c each; Rocks and Reds and all heavy breeds, 18c. We also do custom hatching. Send or bring us your chicken or turkey eggs. - C. F. COLLINS, Proprietor, Freewater, Oregon See . C. M. Jones for Blacksmithing and icetylene Welding Truck Beds Built to Order Foley's Honey and Tar vires colds, prevents pneumonia fcftjnfff .liifrVi Mii'iA 'mi Trflf tflff aiifiiiiri3 Athena Leather Shop Chippewa and Trade Builder Shoes Shoes repaired the Right Way Soles Sewed On Antotop, Curtain and Cushion Work Harness Oiled in the Right Way 75c Set Perry Hall, Athena Oregon "SUPREME AUTHORITY" WEBSTER'S NEW INTERNATIONAL DICTIONARY -THE MERRIAM WEBSTER Because Hundreds of Supreme Court Judges concur in highest praise of the work as their Authority. The Presidents of all leading UnU versities, Colleges, and Normal Schools give their hearty Indent ment. All States that have adopted a large dictionary as standard have selected Webster's New Interna tional. The Schoolbooks of the Country adhere to the Merrianv Webster system of diacritical marks. The Government Printing Office at Washington uses it as authority. WRITE fat a aunple pi Be of the Ntm Vordt, apeebnen of Regular and bulla Ftpcn. FRiE. etc MfHTiam Co, Spring. flata. Eclzac's Odd Opinion '-. of Own Character Honore de Balzac's own estimate of himself is to be found in a letter he wrote to the Duchess d'Abrantes. The letter is included la the memoirs of a mysterious contemporary of the author collected and published In Paris re cently by. Charles Leger. "I comprise In my five feet and two Inches," Balzac declared, "all pos sible Incoherencies and contrasts, and those who regard me as vain, prodi gal, stubborn, frlvolons, without con tinuity of ideas, a coxcomb, Idler, lacking application, reflection or per sistence, talkative, tactless, unman nerly, impolite, crotchety, of uneven humor, will be Just as right as those who might call me economical, mod est, courageous, tenacious, energetic, unstudied, a hard worker, persistent, taciturn, subtle and tactful, polite, al ways cheerful.' The one who deems me a poltroon will not be more wrong than he who says I am extremely brave, that I am learned or ignorant, full of talent or Inept Nothing sur prises me any longer about myself. I end by believing that I am only an instrument played upon by circum stances. Detroit News. Open Mind Requisite of Proper Judgment Tour judgment is no better than your information, Is a good statement to memorize. It la certain that to ac quire Judgment, one must Investigate ; a subject from different angles. The first Information may only tell part of the truth. One may discover that he has been misinformed or so slightly informed that it la a nnnr fniinrtaHnn on which to form an opinion. if you only read what you already know, you learn nothing. Some do not want to read something new or read the other side of a question on which they have narrow but profound convic tions. They stop the paper that dares discuss views with which they cannot agree or understand. They condemn the preacher or the teacher who taxes their minds with new ideas. The way to acquire knowledge Is to keep an open mind so that different ancles of thoncht man nrooonf Hum. I -j o j u Mi&ur selves for your information. That is tne oasis of sound Judgment Success ful Farming. ' Renting System Old We find no exact records of the first rent paid. It Is said that when the Germans conquered parts of Gaul, the land was parceled out to chiefs, lieu tenants and private soldiers. In return the holders of the lands promised mili tary service when needed. Some of the land was given to favorites who were allowed to pay In money instead of service, and the system was estab lished. Rent was certainly known In the days that Rome flourished, there being Latin names for rent under long leasehold tenure; rent of a farm; ground rent; rent of state lands, antf the annual rent payable for the right to the perpetual enjoyment of anything built on the surface of the land Washington Star. Myth About Monkeys It Is often stated that monkeys sometimes cross streams by means of "monkey bridges." We doubt, says the Pathfinder Magazine, whether anybody has positive knowledge . of monkeys forming a bridge by taking hold of each other in order to cross a stream. Monkeys do, however, hang on to one another from time to time and sometimes one will seize and climb up the tail of another. One will even sometimes draw another up. Dr. William M. Mann, director of the National Zoological park, believes the story about monkeys making a bridge was suggested by the maneuv ers of the spider monkeys of South America. - Expression Long in Use Thousands of years ago the Egyp tians spoke of their dead as those who had "gone west" The abode of the dead was believed by them to be In the west, the land of the setting sun. Similar beliefs were held by other peo ples, among them some American In dian tribes, who believed that the "happy hunting ground" was In the west and who therefore frequently put their dead on scaffolds facing that direction. Whether the modern term "to go west" has any etymological con nection with these old beliefs to unknown. Leisurely Spaniards . In Spain there are many bullock carts on the road. They travel slowly along the highways. Auto salesmen, visiting that country, see a fine chance for sales. But it isn't so easy to make the sale. Slung beneath the high ve hicle is a hammock. In this the driver can sleep peacefully while the bullock plods along the road. In time be gets there, and be finds it soon enough. Perhaps the dwellers in what we call less progressive countries are right in resisting the appeal of speed. Development of Watch Out of the experiment with "Nurem berg eggs," as the first watches were called, evolved various devices for keeping time, but It was not until the Eighteenth century that the watch as we know It today was designed. Thom as Toinplon. who died in 1713, In rented the flrxt dead-beat escapement for watches, George Graham Improved on the principle, and Pierre le Roy riiMnitKcl to overcome the gain or loss at time cauHed by the contraction or expansion of the mainspring. Now On a Cash Basis Prices Are Talking CANNED CORN Corn. Old Price 15c New Price Two for 25c Corn, Old Price 20c ..............:...................:... New Price 15c Corn, Old Price 25c . New Price 20c Corn, Old Price 30c .New Price 25c CANNED PEAS Peas, Old Price 15c. New Price Two for 25c Peas, Old Price 20c ..New Price 15c Peas, Old Price 25c ...New Price 20c STRING BEANS String Beans, Old Price 20c... : .............New Price 15c String Beans, Old Price 25c . New Price 20c String Beans, Old Price 30c ...New Price 25c String Beans, Old Price 35c. New Price 30c SYRUP Liberty Bell Syrup, Old Price 'z gal. 1.15. New Price 85c Liberty Bell Syrup, Old Price 1 gal. 2.25... New Price 1.65 Tea Garden Syrup, Old Price Vi gal. 95c New Price 80c Tea Garden Syrup, Old Price 1 gal. 1.85 .....New Price 1.55 Heniz Catsup Old Price 40c New Price 30c Bread, Old Price loaf 10c .....New Price 3 for 25c Folger's Coffee, Old Price 60c... .....New Price 57c Special Flannel Shirts Price 2.15 now 1.65 All Clothing 20 per cent off STEVE'S GROCERY Quality Quantity. Service. Phone 171. , Athena, Oregon DR. W. G. COWAN . . PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON ; Athena, Oregon Dr. W. Boyd Whyte CHIROPRACTOR . Stangier Building, Phone 706 Pendleton, Oregon. 957 J WATT3 & PRESTBYE Attorney s-At-Law Main Street, Athena, Oregon State and Federal Court Practice ir umt 111 HI BtM M1 BWI m BBI Ml II m m The Athena Hotel MRS. LAURA FROOME, Prop. Courteous Treatment Clean Beds Good Meals Tourists Made Welcome Special Attention Given to Home Patrons Corner Main and Third Athena, Oregon . 4 Conoco Gasoline 1 Quick Starting-Packed With Extra Miles Motor Oils Greases Bryce Baker, Agent Phones 761 and 31F11, Athena DR. S. F. SHARP PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON Athena, Oregon DR.J.L.GEYER Dentist Post Building, Athena, Phone 682 Don't Get Caught With a Frozen Radiator LET US Prevent It "Pinks" Place - - THE tCILGORE CAFE Special Attention Given to School Children Chicken Tamales Chile Beans GOOD FOUNTAIN SERVICE Gerald Kilgore, Proprietor - - Athena, Oregon THE ATHENA MARKET Bell & Venable , Phones 22 and 24 ; Two Auto Truck Drays Always At Your Service City and Country HAULING and Horse Team Work We carry the best Meat That Money Buys Kippered Salmon, all Kinds of Salt Fish. Fresh Fish, Oysters, Crabs, Clams, Kraut in Season. A. W. LOGSDON Main Street Athena, Oregon. The Lumber You Need If you are planning alterations or ad ditions to your building, let us give you an estimate on the Lumber need ed. You will be pleasantly surprised at the reasonble total we will quote. Wood and Coal Fence Posts Tum-A-Lum Lumber Co. Main Street, Athena