AN INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER
F. B. Bojrd, Publisher
HUMOROUS QUIPS
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cATHENA. ORE.. JUNE 14.
.1912
From fridndly sources in some de
gree, tat also from unfriendly ones,
there are efforts to throat William J.
Brian into the oontent for President
of the U-jited States as a candidate.
Mr. Bryan himself has treated with
contempt soob of these efforts as come
from hostile sonroes, and in so far
as tbey epilog from friendly purposes
he has strenuously urged their in)
mediate abandonment. Hia latest
request to that effeot was made when
be urged friends of bis who were or
ganizing a Bryan League in Iowa, not
to do bo. These demonstrations of the
friendly kind are inoonsiderate. Who
ever really knows Bryan knowa that
he is not in any sense or in any way
a candidate for the presidential nom
ination. They know moreover that
bis nomination would impose upon
him a personal burden, and bis elec
tion a heavier one, whioh nobody has
t mAatt n v i a f i n n 1 1 n n rrl -
stances to ask him to assume. That
. a moment might come when, with no
other alternative, than Biyan'a nom
ination or party defeat or worse, be
onuld fairly be urged to lead the dem
ocratio masses once more in a Pres
idential contest, cannot of course be
denied. No one is able to tell in these
times of politioal transition and tur
moil what a day or an hour'may bring
forth. But no fiuoh time has yet
oome, and no saoh alternative is as
yet probable.
College Bred.
A Federal Distrlot Judge in the state
ofJWashington has given etteot to a
decision whioh must be regarded as
ludioroua iu a land of frea politioal
opinion, The citizenship papers of a
man bavo been annulled because be
. ... n . . n j
la a soolaimt. ueoause me man uu-
mitted that be advooated a piopnganda
for radical ohaoges in tbeConHtitution
of tbo couclry," and because he ad
mitted be bad hold to Sooiulintio prin
ciples when he opplied for papers two
years before, Judge C. H. Uauford
ruled that be wan not admittable to
oltlzeiiHhip, It would be soim-ely more
extravagant if it were held that nu ap
plicant for citizenship were required
to swear ollugiunoe to the administra
tion of national affairs by the Kepub
liouu paitv. To bar a tunu who is
willing to submit loyally to exJutiug
governuieut merely LeoHuno be ohur
ishert what others may believe to be
an impossible ideal of good govern
ment oortuinly is raising o new ques
tion in this country. Wliun Sooiulimu
submits to what exists and merely
seeks to convert the eleotorate to an
other set of political aud eoonomio
principles, its advocates are well
within tbo rights of citizens in a land
cf free oplciou.
Imagiuo two full grown men tijiog
to climb a gioased pole at a aouuty
fair to suatoh some tempting prize at
Ihn top. It your imagination cou
stand the strain, you will have a pic
ture, of the Presideutlal con toe t be
tween Taft and Roosevelt. Your fau
tastiopioture will gain in verisimili
tude if you imagine the poll-climbers
us old churns whose self absorption in
pursuit of tbo prize baa gotten theui to
Boratohlng, clawing, kicking, pushing,
punohlug aud pulling, aud exchanging
tmoomplimeotary rfmatka while inci
dentally distributing valuable tuforui
Btion confidentially acquired. Iu it
self this rresidontial exhibition ia dis
gusting ; yet it may b woi th eudui log
for ita disclosures.
The old steam toller thooolouel used
four yeaia ago has been oiled and bur
nished ly the Taft coutingeut and ap
pears to be working overtime at Chi
oago this week. Great maohine, that.
All that she needs is a competent en
gineer, to flatten 'em out aa prescribed
beforehand.
Just thiuk what a fortune soma en
terprising "bteakfakt food" couoero
might make by gathering up aud
packing iu neat cartons the produot of
tbo loouut tree Llowsouis uoir litter
ing the streets of Atbeua. ,
The world is waitluii catiently but
with great iuterest for tba mau with
. In l.li r. nllil.MK...H .1111 .1 M
comes there aro a number of milliotis
of people who will coutiuoe to prefer
walking to tlyiug.
. Tbe weuther uiun was especially
kind to the farmers aud pioueem,
having btld oft the rains for their
beueQU
For caramel and chocolate
She held a high degree.
Each evening sho would demonstrate
The newest chafery.
The contours of her lissom form
As she the stuff did stir
Stirred up a youth with ardor warm
To woo and marry her.
A week the loving lad she fed
On fudge and fluffy cake
Till in his dreams he moaned for bread
"Like mother used to bake."
With noble purpose rose she then
And raised a pan of dough
Tea, figured out with pad and pen
How every loaf should go.
Being college bred, she donned her gown,
Her cap set on her head,
And-well, 'tis told In Reno town
Tho cause was college bread.
New York Times.
Wonderful Recovery.
A vnudeville performer broke a finger
nnn flnv and Immediately hunted up a
Burgeon. When the finger had been Bet
mid bandaged tho vaudeville performer
began to worry over the question or
whether or not it woufd be deformed.
"Say, doc," he said, "that finger ia
pretty badly broken. Do you suppose
the bones will knit?" -
"Suppose! I know they will," replied
the surgeon.
"And they'll knit properly?"
"Yes, indeed." ; .
"And the finger will be Just as good
aa ever?"
"Just as good."
"Will I be ablo to play tho piano?"
"You bet you will."
"That's funnv." said the vaudeville
performer. "I never could before. I'm
a Juggler." New York Telegraph. ...
A Bad Opening.
Impecunious Suitor (endeavoring to
make himself ngreeable to Miss An
gela's papa) What a charming place
you have here, Mr.01dman! Docs it
go all tho way to that grove over
there?
Unsympathetic Pnpa It does. -
I. S. And all the way to that stone
wall In the distance on this side?.
U. P. It does! And it goes all the
way to the creek on the south and all
tbo way to the state road on the north;
but, Mr. Youngman, it does not go with
Diy daughteT Angela. Llpplccott's
Magazine.
Almost as Bad as Boils.
"Who was It who was sorely afflict
ed?" asked tbe Sunday school teacher.
"Samson," replied tho boy promptly.
"Why, no; it was Job."
"Well, I know Job was, but so was
Samson." . '
"Why, how was Samson afflicted,
Tommy?"
"Ills wlfo cut bis hair." Yoakers
Statesman.
Revenge.
"Sny, alderman, I wish you'd get me
a Job as dog catcher."
i'Are you out of work?"
"No, but I'll quit tbe work I'm doing
now If you'll get me that Job,"
"Ever had any experience as a dog
catcher?" .
"I don't uecd any experience. I've
got tho Incentive-I'm a loiter carrier."
Chicago Tribune.' '
Popular Prescriptions.
Doctor I want you to look after my
oflico whilo I'm on n vacation..
"But I've Just graduated, doctor. 1
have had no experience."
"That's nil right, uiy boy. My prac
tice is strictly fashionable. Toll tho
men to play golf and ship the lady
patients off to Europe," Washington
lieruld.
Perhaps Not.
"We hear," said the mere man, "a
whole lot about, self made man, but
never anything about self nindo wo
man," "Well," said the president of the Fe
male Beauty club, "you see er well,
perhaps cr it isn't necessary to dis
cuss that question."-I.rowning's Mag-azlno.
Extravagance.
Mrs. Styles-Is that n new silk hat.
Henry?
Mr. Styles-Yes, dear. ,
"IIow much was It?"
"Why, It wos $8, dear."
"What! Eight dollars and not a bird
or ribbon or a feather on it?" Yonkers
Statesman.
A Thought of Vengeance.
"IIow are you getting on with your
wife?" asked ouo London policeman.
"Not very well," replied the other.
"Sometimes I wish she'd Jolu the mili
tant suffragettes and let me catch her
iu ono of these street demonstrations."
Washington Star.
Putting Him In His Place.
First Old l'nrk Lounger-1 wouder
what's become of the old fellow who
used to ulways occupy this bench?
Secoud Ditto (acldty)-IIe died yes
terday, and, what's more, he left this
beucu to OiC-Fuck.
Proof.
Commercial Traveler (li country ho-tcl)-Aro
these sheets quite clean?
Chambermaid I should say so.
They're only Just como home from the
louudry. Feel 'em; they're still wetl
Satire.
At the Bottom of It
"What made you become a member
of the Society For the Prevent Ion of
Cruolty to Birds?"
"Tho milliner's bill for my wife aud
my three daughters." 1-oudon Tit-Bits.
No Idolatry There.
"I hop you aro uot bringing up
your children to worship money,
Hawkins," said Pubbleljrb.
"No, ludeed." sighed IlnwklnN.
"Why, Pubb, my children dfsplse
money so much that the minute a dol
lar comes their way they get rid of It
as fast as they can."-IIair'8,
The eyes of other reople are tbe ey is
that ruin a - Franklin.
. . - ' . " j ' .
i V-, - . . ..'
r V' V; ' w
w a ' 'v ' .''.-"i'--X"-''V,--'
1 , . . - -
1 i ; ' ' t ' : fcYt 1 .
J!
Mrs. Baumeister Thompson in Recital at Christian Church,
Saturday Evening. Admission Free.
GRAND FOURTH OF JULY CELEBRATION
''
UNDER AUSPICIES OF COMMERCIAL CLUB and MERCHANTS ASSN
Walla Walla, Wash. . -
2
DAYS
July 4th and 5th
2
DAYS
SOMETHING NEW IN THE LINE OF CELEBRATIONS
ATTRACTIONS:
Street Pageants of note, Sports and Athletics, Bands of
Music, Real Indian Dances, Patriotic Exercises, Tri
State League Base Ball and other attractions, too uutn
erous to mention. Reduced rates on all Railways.
51981
Celebrated
E
Professional
' "' S. F. Sharp
PHYSICIAiV AND SURGEON
Special attention given to all
calih both night and day.
CallN nromntlv answered. Office on Third
Street, Athena Oregor
Savid Hir Lift from Pneumonia
"My wife had severe attack of Pneu
monia which followed t ease of La Grippe
nd I believe that FOLEY'S HONEY
, AND TAR saved her life," writes James
. Coffee, of Raymond, Missouri.
Good Results In Eviry Ctsi
Dr. O. J. Bishop, Agnew, Mich., writes:
"I have used FOLEY'S HONEY AND
TAR in three very severe cases of pneu
monia with good results in every esse."
1
LIU
rn
yuu
Cured of Tirriblo Cough on Lungs
N.r Jackson, of Danville, 111., writes:
"My daughter had a severe attack of
La Grippe and a terrible cough on her
- lungs. We tried a. great many remedies
' without relief.'- She tried FOLEY'S
HONEY AND TAR which cured her.
. ' She has never been troubled with a cough
- since." '-' :
Curod Whin Very Low With
Pneumonia
J. W. Bryan, of Lowder, 111., writes:
"My little boy was very low with pneu
monia. Unknown to the doctor we gave
him FOLEY'S HONEY AND TAR.
The result-was magical and puzzled the
doctor, as it immediately - stopped the
racking cough and he quickly recovered."
RrfO'C-0
31391
G.S.NEWSOM.M.D.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
Athena, Oregon.
Calls answered promptly night or day".
Will make the season at Al
Johnson's, west of Athena.
YOUNG MILTON
foaled 1908, sire dby Horoff
50889; Dam, Olie 50372; 2nd
Dam Daisy Marie, by Creston
Keizer 1589; 3rd Dam. Colie
by Tolosa 9S6G; 4th Dam Mol
lie by Negrio 30771; 5th Dam
Jessie bv McMahan 24G0.
LOWFARESEAST
Visit .the Old Home
VIA
T AJJ n c 7"
W""J7.-
rAl' 'fMr
k-viini'i'-
w l; k- m m
Lines Protected by Automatic
. Block Signals.
Round trip tickets to principal cities in
Middle West and Eastern States .
on sale during
APRIL JULY
MAY AUGUST
JUNE SEPTEMBER
Going limit 15 days: final return
limit October 31, 1912.'
LIBERAL STOPOVER PRIVILEGES
CHOICE OF ROUTES.
Baltimore..! 107.50
Chicago .... , ...72.50
Denver ..55.00
Kansas City.... 60.00
New York . .108.50
St. Paul 60.00
Toronto... 91.50
Washington 107.50
Proportionately Reduded Fares to
Many Other Points.
Through Train Service to the East
Strictly High-Class.
For further Information call on Of ad
dress R. BURNS, J R. MATHERS,
Dist. Pas. Agt.; Agent,
Walla Walla, Wash. Athena, Or.
PETERSON & WILSON
Attorneys-at-Law
Athena, Oregon. - Pendleton, Oregon
Homer I. Watts
Attorney-at-Law
Athena, Oregon.
C. W. LASSEN. M. D. V.
Olllclal Stock Inspector. Graduate McKUlip
Vetinary college, Chicago
1'hono MhIh 87, PENDLKTON, OREGON
Veterinary Surgeon & Dentist
For All Kinds of
and
OILING NEATLY DONE
Gilion
A.B.STEELE
Successor to Chas. Norris
Your Patronage Solicited
"FORDS.
Athena
Auto Livery
Service at all hours, day or
night. Ford cars for sale.
Gasoline, Oil and Extras.
ALEXANDER & WILSON
Percheron Stallion
foaled May 3 1901
Will bs at McBrideV Barn in
Athena, for the season of 1912
W.R.TAYLOR,
Athena, - - Oregon;
i . J"-.;-"-- -'-T' , y ,"
r J
':
3
KILL the COUGH
AND CURE the LUNGS
WITH
9
Br. ling'
Umi Discovery
PBICB
10 HIm Jfc SI
OLDS Trial Bottle Free
AND ALL THROAT AND LUNG TROUBLES.
GUARANTEED SATISFACTORY
OR HONEY REFUNDED.
cA. J. Parker
8ii
Everything Plrat
Claud . Mo darn
and Up-to-date
SOUTH SIDE MAIN
STREET ATHENA
When the bones a,ohe and the Joints are Inflamed, with much tendernese
at the affected parts, you need a powerful penetrating aent to overcome
tba attack.
BALLARD'S
AF n I M I HaI llf
IB A PAIN RELIEF OF GREAT EFFICACY.
Its wonderful renot-atlns power afforda a most cratlfylnp sense of relief to the afnicted It easa
Iffta aSi'; TirSnr"?, CO,nd"JOnS rSDidly reSl0re 'trenth and cotftt' nthe'
achtnK Joints, it Is equally effective in rcl.evms n.uralgia and sciatica. Rub It In well, gently but
thoroughly; It. hcaha, and etrengt'.enins inflBcr,ca :, manifest as aoon as It reaches the nerve" at the
seat of tho d..turbanee. A few ppllcationa e.ntr.ls tho disorder and restore, normaraUlons
As a household remedy for curing cuts, wounds, burns, sores or the hundred and one accidents that
are always occurring- to the flesh, It has ho superior. " e -cc,aen that
s M W
Put Up in Threes 3izcs, 25c, 50c and $1.00 per Bottle.
JAMES P. BALLARD
PROpnrsTcit
ST. LOUIS, HO.
F. sor. Eye.. Gr.aui.tea Lld Utis, c tlx Eyeball. Weak Slrtt, Srtla, Se.-ttoa. I. t. Bye
- -wr .it . is x rcicay oi proTea merit.
1
1 1 - " m mx-iLM., af 'MlifTii "I ifcrtiWi ' in 'T1' Iral lifijair -
)
jo)
- MO POISONS. CONFORMS TO MTintlt Bttss rnnn . .
ympa containing opUtes constipate the bow.U. Bee's L.tIhI. H- ZZFr old. AH coughj