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About The Athena press. (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942 | View Entire Issue (June 4, 1909)
The Best Spring Medicine It is as easy to prove that Hood's Sarsaparilla is the best spring medi cine as it is to say it. Spring Ailments are blood ailments that is, they arise from an impure impoverished, devitalized condition of the blood; and Hood's Sarsaparilla purifies, enriches and revitalizes the blood as no other medicine does. It is the most effective of all blood medicines. There is Solid Foundation for this claim, in the more than 40,000 testi monials of radical and permanent cures by this medicine, received in two years, this record being unparalleled in medical history. Hood's Sarsaparilla Cures all spring humors, all eruptions, clears the complexion, creates an appetite, aids the digestion, relieves that tired feeling, gives vigor and vim. Begin taking Hood's Sarsaparilla today. Get it in the usual liquid form or in chocolated tablets known as Sarsatabs. 100 Doses One Dollar. Business Proposition. "Your honor," said the convicted beg gar, "can't you change my sentence of Imprisonment to a fine?" "Suppose I did," said the Judge, "where would you get the money to pay It?" "Oh," replied the c. b., "I could beg a little every day till I had enough." CITC St. Vital' Donee ana ! orvons uuenn prm 1 1 1 J neatly eared by Dr. )l .(ne'e Great Nerve He etorer. Bend for FREE $2.00 trial bottle and treatise. Dr. B. H. Kline. Ld.. 031 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa. No Exact Equivalent. "It would be correct to say, then, that you are on the water wagon, wouldn't It?" asked the reporter. "No," said the distinguisher actor ; "that hardly expresses it. I have merely quit drinking coffee and taken to more wholesome beverages. You might say, perhaps, that I am on the milk wagon." Mothers wlil find Mrs. WInslows Soothing Byrup the best remedy to use for their children ourlng the teething period. Amply Qnaliucd. Farmer Honk Hear ye are goin' to end you son to college, Eben? Farmer Bornkicker Don't see any reason why I shouldn't he's too duni lazy to work, has too much hair, and can yell so's you can hear him 'most mile. The Circle. BORE EYES, weak, inflamed, red, watery and swollen eyes, use PETT IT'S EYE SALVE. All druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. An Change an Improvement. Photographer Is that the most pleas ing expression you can assurm? Sitter Yes, sir. Photographer Then, for heaven's sake, glare ferociously at me ! Preliminary. "Mrs. McGoozle, your husband is a sin gularly gifted man. It's a wonder to me that he isn't on the lecture platform." "I think he contemplates taking to that some day. In fact, he has been lecturing in a desultory sort of way, just for prac tice, for the last ten years." . "Why, where, Mrs. McGoozle?" "At home. I'm the audience." Restorative Recipe for Men J This will prove a welcome bit of information for all those who are overworked, gloomy, de spondent, nervous, and have trembling limbs, heart palpitation, dizziness, cold extremetiea, in somnia, fear without cause, timidity 'n venturing and general inability to act naturally and ration ally as others do, because the treatment can be prepared secretly at home and laken without any one's knowledge. If the reader decides to try it, get three ounces of ordinary syrup sarsaparilla compound and one ounce compound fluid balmwort; mix, and let land two hours; then get one ounce compound essence Cardiol and one ounce tincture cadomene compound (not ca damom); mix all together, hake well and take a teaspoonful after each meal and one when retiring. Inside History. Indignant Wife -What's the use of my saying anything to you, John? It goes in at one ear and out at the other ! Provoking Husband Not always, Ma ria. When you say anything worth mind ing I stop it on the way through. "Waited. "So you want to earn enough fo buy you a dinner, eh?" "Yes, boss." "I wish you had come around here half an hour ago." "I did, boss." "Well, there was a ton of coal to be carried in then; why didn't you knock?" "I seen de coal." Houston Post To Eftijoy the full confidence of the Wellrlnformed of the World and the Commendation of the most eminent physicians it was essen tial that the component parts of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna should be known to and approved by them; there fore, the California Fig Syrup Co. pub lishes a full statement with every package. The perfect purity and uniformity of pro duct, which they demand in a laxative remedy of an ethical character, are assured by the Company's original method of man ufacture known to the Company only. The figs of California are lised in the production of Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna to promote the pleasant taste, but the medicinal principles are obtained from plants known to act most beneficially. To get its beneficial effects always buy the genuine manufactured by the Cali fornia Fig Syrup Co. only, and for sale by all leading druggists. At the Night School. Teacher Who's Wordsworth r Shaggy Haired Pupil (interrupting) A dollar apiece? Any living x-Presl dent's. Almost Incapacitated. A colonel in General Lee's division in the late Civil War sometimes indulged in more apple-jack than was good for him. Passing him one evening, leaning against a tree, the general said : "Good evening, Colonel. Come over to my tent for a moment, please." " 'S-s-cuse me, g-g-en'ral, s-s-cuse me," replied the Colonel. "It's 'bout all I can do stay where I am.' Sarcasm. Cleaning; the Stag;. "We hope," said the spokesman of the committee, "to enlist your support in favor of a clean stage." "You have it," responded the theat rical manager, heartily. "Why, almost every one of my plays opens with a girl dusting everything in sight." Philadelphia Ledger. Lesson from the Past. Robin Hood had just handed back half the contents of the slender purse he had taken from the plainly dressed traveler. "If you were a rich man," he said, "I'd soak you for the whole of it, but I'm no hog ; I exact only what I think the traffic will bear." For Robin Hood, with all his faults, lived faithfully up to his idea of what a graduated income tax ought to be. Getting; It Right. They asked him if his name was Tahft, And merrily the big man laughed. "Why, no," he said; "my name is Taft, Which, as you will find by consulting the various dictionaries and paying particular attention to the marks indicating the correct pronuncia tion of the words therein, Almost, if not quite, rhymes with 'raft.' " Chicago Tribune. Uncle Jerry, "As a general thing," observed Uncle Jerry Peebles, "I believe in lettin' wom en have whatever they want; but when I see one of 'em goin' around with a spring hat on her head that looke like an old-fashioned beehive that's been tarred and feathered and then struck by lightning, I begin to wonder, by George, if it would be safe to trust her with the ballot !" Chicago Tribune. The Similarity. ' Mrs. Gunner Henry, you would per sist in calling that last cook a vision. There was nothing pretty about her. Mr. Gunner Xot at all. Mrs. Gunner Then why did you call her a vision? Mr. Gunner Because visions fade away. She remained only two days. Suspicions Circumstance. The grocer had warranted the maple sirup to be the real stu-. "It doesn't taste like any maple sirup I ever bought," said the customer, who had just sampled it, "and I strongly sus pect " "Sir!" said the indignant gracer. "I strongly suspect, in spite of your guaranty, that it's genuine." Telegra'uh Poles. Harker Fine automobile, Coggwood. What do you call it? Coggwood Peary. Harker After the arctic explorei, eh? And why? Coggwood Because it is always mak Ing a dash for the pole. llcvenge, "I'm going to get even with all th phonograph fiends in our flat." "How so?" "Give my. kids snare drums for Christmas." Detroit Free Press. - Fnailment of a Prophecy. Hannibal, the illustrious general, driv en to despair by his enemies, had taken poison and had laid himself down to die. "Anyhow, he said, "my name will live in history." His foresight was unerring. Two thousand years later a town in Missouri was named in his honor. Chi cago Tribune. Her Constltntional Right. Gladys So you've sent Herbert about his business, have you? Maybelle Yes; but I have since used the er recall on him. Chicago Trib- Tae Winter of His Discontent. "What's the matter? Aren't your pictures a success?" "No." "But the papers say they are full Of warmth." "That's it; they are all Arctic cenes." Houston Post. Concisely Stated. Mrs. Ferguson George, what are the even deadly sins? Mr. Ferguson Being a candidate for any office. nn PLE A flavoring used the tame as lemon or vanilla. By dissolving granulated sugar in water and adding Mapleine. a delicious syrnpismade and a syrup better thaa maple. Uapleine is sold by grocers. If sot send 35c for 2 or. bottle and recipe book. Cmcot Ult. Co Seattle, Wa A Handicap. "My mamma's yardstick has three feat," Said Willie, cute and cunning. "I've only two, but I can beat My mamma's yardstick running." Judge. Initiative. "That statesman is a man of won derful initiative." "Yes," answered Senator Sorghum; there is no doubt about his initiative. He starts things that nobody on earth uld finish." Washington Star. Making; Vp for Lost Time. Stranger (happening along) WThat's all that loud wrangling about in there? Sexton The ladies, sir, are holding an adjourned meeting in the silence room. Chicago Tribune. Different Strata. The irresistible high handshake chanced to meet the immovable low handshake. Whereupon they gave each other the cold shake and passed on. . Not Now. Mrs. Chugwater Josiah, what is the "unwritten law?" Mr. Chugwater There isn't any. It's been written up in all the papers. I've told you that before. . Why They Don't. Would some oracle might utter, Giving me the reason why Maidens in a constant flutter Never fly ! -Indianapolis News. Fame. .Uncle Hiram So you play base ball, do you, Dickey? Has your ball club got a name? Five-Year-Old Has it got a hvm t Gee ! You've heard of the Rag Alley Yannigans, haven't you, uncle? Well, I'm their reg'lar shortstop. We're goin' to whale the everlastin' stuffin out o' the Bumtown Rillygoats next Saturday I Chicago Tribune. The QualiBcatiana, "I want somebody to report a wo man's congress," said the managing editor. "Some one well versed in parliamen tary language, I presume?" "Xope. Some one who understands such terms as passementerie, aigrette and the like." Kansas City Journal. ftiaU. I I ! 1 saav WBHWrf I -II IMIIHIl:il'XvJI 1 'in la! mm mm "2..! iSi ;i; i'i For Catarrh of the Throat of Two Years' Standing. "I was afflicted for two years with catarrh of the throat. At first it was very slight, but every cold I took made it worse. "I followed your directions end in a very short time I began to improve. I took one bottle and am now taking my second. I can safely say that my throat and head are cleared from ca tarrh at the present time, but I still continue to take my usual dose for a spring tonic, and I find there is noth ing better." Mrs. W. Pray, 260 Twelfth St., Brooklyn, N. Y. Those Loving Friends. Nan (exhibiting her latest photograph) Don't you think a three-quarters view better than a profile? Fan No, dear; it shows too much of the face. More Abont Him. Of gardening the city man Oft little understands, Yet never fails to raise a crop Of blisters on his hands. -Kansas City Times. And when his 1C. C. franks to him A lot of garden seeds, He plants them and is sure to raise A splendid crop of weeds. Chicago Tribune. No Limit to Ills Ability. "Now here," said the salesman, "is a cigar I can recommend." "I know you can, young man," said the customer. "I tried one of them the other day on your recommendation. What I want is a brand you can recommend witihout lying." Arrogance of Wealth. "What's them apples worth?" asked th farmer, stopping in front- of a fruit stand. "In that pile?" said the proprietor of the stand. "Five cents apiece." "So? Well, I guess I'll tat about a dime's worth." Thereupon he took two big red applei out of a capacious pocket in his over coat and strolled on, placidly munching one of them. Chicago Tribune. RIGID LAWS TO GOVERN AERONAUTS. A. Leo Stevens, Instructor of U. S. Army Balloon Corps, Advocates Government License and Examinations. Every day I am firmly convinced that there should be government regulation on ballooning. I have held this theory for some time, but the experience of a certain California aeronaut a few days ago in the Sierra Madre mountains has brought the need home to me more strongly than ever. The government regulations should consist of licenses for balloon pilots, and laws within which the pilots should have to confine themselves. While I do not wish to reflect on this aeronaut, I do wish to point out that he is only a case in point. Some peo ple can never become successful balloon men any more than all men can become successes as artists or deep sea divers. It's a part of a man's makeup. There are some men who can make 20 ascen sions and still be no better equipped as pilots than if they were going up for the second time. A person who ia not skilled in aeronautics, knowing that a great many reckless people to have the experience of seeing the earth slip out from under them. Here is where the trouble comes. I will not say that it is not right for a man to go up la a balloon by himself. I think that if w mm Ss2 RH.E Ml ALCOHOL 3 PER CRKT AVcgclablePreparalionforAs-sirailatintlicFootfaniJRiib. ting Hie Stomachs andUowelsof m ProraofcsDfecstionJOheerful- ncssandRest.ContalnsnEilli Opiuni.MorphinB norffaalj NOT NARCOTIC. fimpkia Seed" jthcSama DiCaiomliSm Sugar tUOtpim i tem . Anerfcct Remedy for Consflpn- tion Sour Stotnach.Diarrhoca Worms .Conwls'.ous.revcrish ness aidLoss OF Sleep. racSinitle Signature of NEW YORK. The Kind You llavo Always Bought and which has been in use for over 30 years, has borne the signature of and has been made under his per sonal supervision since its infancy. Allow no one to deceive you in this. All Counterfeits, Imitations and "Just-as-good" are but Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of Infants and Children Experience against Experiment What is CASTORIA Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms . and allays Fcvcrismicss. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. The Children's Panacea The Mother's Friend. GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS Sears the Signature of Exact Copy of Wrapper. The KM You Have Always Bought In Use For Over 30 Years thi ccnthu oeanav, tt muanav street, new yorh City. t ii i ml i this man has made say nine ascensions says, "Oh, I'll willingly go." If we had government regulation, where men skilled in aircraft should make the examinations as to whether or not the applicant was fitted to be a pilot, this obvious danger would be dispensed with. The popular idea is that all one has to do to make an ascension is to jump into the balloon car, cut loose and when one is ready to ascend throw overboard the sand ballast. As a matter of fact that much is not even the alphabet of air riding. When I heard that this experimenter was to make the trip with that number of passengers and with so small an amount of ballast in my old "Ameri ca," I predicted failure. He should be thankful that the escape was so suc cessful. There are some requirements and some theories controlling the as cent and descent of balloons just as fixed as those that govern temperature or that of gravitation. A certain sized air ship, with so many cubic feet of gas naturally can carry only so many passengers exclusive of its ballast. There is a nicety in determining just how many it can carry successfully. To be specific, a balloon with 80,000 cubic feet of gas should start out with 35 bags of ballast and five passengers. Equipped in that manner the pilot need fear no storm, and have no worry. He is just as safe as if he were sitting at his own fireside. When a storm comes, by throwing overboard some ballast he can go above it. When the storm is over, by letting out a little gas through the escape valves he can descend safely to the earth. When a balloon of this size, that is eu.uuu cubic feet, has thrown over all its ballast for one rea son or another, except five bags, it should drop to earth at once. To do otherwise is to run a dangerous risk. A law making this necesary would be a great boon to the art and practice of ballooning. A bag carrying between 35,000 and 40,000 cubic feet of gas and two persons besides the pilot should drop to earth when the pilot has expended all the ballast save three bags. If he docs not do so he is risk ing lives that he should not be allowed to jeopardize. I am in favor of government regula tion. At the present time licenses can be granted to pilots in this country by the Aero club of America. There are now 24 men holding these liconses. An applicant must make 10 successful as censions before he is granted the li cense. These directions have to be made before he is granted the license, under the direction of other licensed pilots, or after the applicant has made four or five so that he can manage a balloon, he must keep data of his trips. This information has to be exact, and be filed away. For instance, when the applicant drops back to earth, Bay on a man's farm, he has to give the man's name and where he lives, and who hauled him back to town. This is so that at any future time the authorities may satisfy themselves that the trip was really made and that it was a suc cessful one in every way. France has a very creditable method of licensing its balloon men. The li censes are not governmental, though. Each pilot, who is going to make an ascent, carries in his pocket a little book with his number and his photo graph in it. If any one questions'his identity or his ability as a navigator he simply shows the book with his photo behind the isenglass. I am in favor of government licens ing and government regulations, rather than that of state jurisdiction. In this way the laws would be uniform, and all the air sailers of something near equal ability. An applicant would not have to go to Washington to make an ascent by any means. He may make the trip at any place under the guid ance of an accredited pilot. Ballooning is becoming more and mora popular. It is now more than a eras. Its possibilities arc attracting more a matter of ethics. A person may walk on a railroad where there is a third rail. He does it knowing that he is taking his life in his hands, but when he persuades other people to go along with him, he risks their lives without enough experience to get them out of danger should anything happen. When five people go up in a balloon in addition to the pilot, the unskilled pilot is risking live lives in addition to his own. Throwing overboard ballast is a sci ence. Ballast is to a balloon what steam is to an engine. And just as steam once gone can never be recover ed, just so ballast thrown overboard is lost. One man can get along, make a whole trip without losing more than five bags of ballast while another spends twenty. The latter spends all his time in traveling up and down. making saw teeth, while the other Bails along in a comparatively straight line. The pilot who is out with the beginner makes careful notes and gives a full report to the members of the Aero club. He takes into consideration just how much fluctuating the learner does. He assists the new man, but watches him carefully to find out how much grip he has on the science. The dilettante in search of new sen sation is as dangerous as an automobil ist with the speed mania. I hesitate to make a trip with a beginner who says the danger is nothing, with the man who says "Oh, I'm not afraid. I've got the nerve." As a matter of fact when good sense is used, there is no more danger than there is in an au tomobile trip. But there is much po tential dunger. I am willing to make the trip with a beginner who says: "Now I'm new at this, and want you to take the rudder. I don't know it all." Another thing, balloons and all air crafts will soon be equipped with wire less telephone. An air craft in dis tress can send a C. Q. D. message to earth just like a vessel at sea. It should be compulsory that equipment for communications with the earth or airships be installed. . A balloon in trouble would simply telephone its lo cation or general direction and rescue balloons or automobiles could be sent to the rescue. The U. S. army corps with which I have been connected has successfully experimented with a DeForest instru ment, weighing less than 100 pounds. However, there is a new sparkless and wirele-s telephone of the radio variety which weighs only 10 pounds and which any balloonist can safely carry. The radio sparkless attachment does away with the danger of setting the gas bag on fire. The weight of the telephone is so small that when the balloon lands out in the country the operator can put it under his arm and take it with him. An old fashioned wireless telegraph is impractical for the reason that it makes a spark that may ignite the gas bag. Ballooning has advanced so far now that it is no longer experimental, but is a science. The throwing out of bal last is a science. It takes a long time to learn to handle a balloon properly. Why, in the fitness of things, should a beginner, one who has nothing to urge him on except curiosity and daredevil try, be allowed to risk other lives? I think the license to beginners should be made reasonably hard to ob tain. And further, the laws regulat ing the ballooning should be severe. Ballooning is a matter of public con cern, and when licenses are first issued I hope that they will not be given so promiscuously as licenses were given at first to auto drivers. Letting an outsider take up a bal loon is exactly like running a railroad engine. A railroad train is halfway between stations when its engineer dies. The train is stopped. Some body asks, "Can anybody here run an engine?" A young man steps up and sayB: "'Yes, I can." He takes the engine ancMnay draw the train ten miles without an accident and he may get it safely into the station. But is he a worthy engineer? No. On the following day thia same young man might wreck the train before he got out of the Bwitch yards. COFFEEC TEA SPICES BAKING POWDER EXTRACTS WW CL0SSET&DEVER3 PORTLAND. 0RE.J WE HAVE INQUIRIES For Farms in the Northwest from people who are on the way from the East and Middle West and can place you in touch with buyers with money. 1 et us hear what you have for sale ATLAS LAND COMPANY 420 Lumber Exchange Building PORTLAND OREGON The deanest.ltghtest and most comfortable POMMEL SLICKER At the same time cheapest In the end because It wears longest UlltiArA Every garment, niiarntprt waterproof Catalog free k J TOwFO CO RrnTON II . A W i , I'll I I f i f PNU No. 17-09 w 11 KN writing to advertisers pleas mention this paper. MM fRESCENT Ere-Pho,phat. se 1 BAKING POWDER WIUDOAU TIIAT kKX hkji mm row Ml RILL Cm DO '.I MITES A FULL POUND 25c Get It from your Grocer