r
- A Bad D rcalL-, .
the W-
M."tl,lUWWJWU'H
Wife Why did you glf e thartmH1"
r
graph away Just before we were mar
ried? JJidn't yon think I could use U1
Husband My dear, I gave It away
to keep peace. Don't you know that
no house Is big enough for two talking
machines?
And at the last report he was still
trying to square himself. Detroit Free
Press.
Recognition.
"The men who devote their time to
the country's service should be recog
nized," said the official.
"Well,' answered Farmer Corntassel,
"some of 'em should and others 'ud be
more respected If they could approach
k ' it.. I. Jt If TIT 1-1 A.
X.esa I,avl.hnes.
Do you think your Insurance com-
r-pany Is being conducted more econom-
"I'm of It," answered the hope-
', m i -i iitx j " j
iiu i-mzeu. ii uuesn i seuu me ueurjy
'as manv blotters and cnlendara sa It
used to." Washington Star.
Uncle Allen.
"I've observed one thing about a foot
race, said Uncle Allen Sparks. "It you ve
got any money up on the result it always
" turns out differently from what you think
it's Ing to."
Not Unite the Same.
Miss Bute He told me once that I
was quite pretty.
' Miss Chellus Yes, he also told me
that you were quite pretty once.
Philadelphia Press.
A treat extension of the Siberian rall-
iroad is proposed along the River Amur,
and as it has met with hearty approval on
"the part of the present ministry, it is like
ly to be constructed. It will open up 40,
000,000, acres of corn land.'
s .
State of Ohio, City of Toledo
Lucas County. iss. .
. 'Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he la senior
partner of the firm of F. J. Cheney A Co., doing
business In the City of Toledo, County and State
aforesaid, and that said firm will pay the Bum
of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each and
every case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by
liAlifiAikfTIallarii,avVi Pn.a
FRANK J. CHENEY.
. Sworn to before me and subscribed in my pres
ence, this 6th day of December A D 1886.
(Seal.1 A- GLKASON,
- notary fuDiic.
-, Hall's Catarrh Cure Is taken internally, and
acts directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system, t-'end fortestimonlals free.
F. J.CHENEY &CO., Toledo, O.
. Bold by all druggists, 75c.
Take Hall's Family tills for constipation.
Reaction.
Salesman Hat, sir? Yes; what kind
do you wish to look at?
Customer Well, my wife wears a Mer
ry Widow affair. If you have something
that It the exact opposite of It, young
man, that's what I want.
Salesman Then you want a plug hat,
of course, with a black band around it.
That Is the nearest we can come to a
Disconsolate Widower hathicago
Tribune. ,
Gave It Up. .
"Uncle Henry, how big a tarpon did
you ever catch?"
"Why, Sammy, once I but how big
tarpon did you ever hear of?"
"Seven feet ten Inches is the record."
"I'm not going to try to beat that, Sam
my. I have only a few years to live, and
I want to go to heaven some day."
, A Financier.
Judge How many times have you
been arrested before?
Prisoner Five, sir.
Judge Then I shall feel it my duty
to Impose the maximum fine "
- Prisoner But, your honor, isn't It
only fair to give a reduced rate to reg
ular customers? Judge.
Forestry in Korea Is to be taken up by
the government under new , forest laws,
said to have been -enacted under a co-operative
agreement drawn up by Japan and
Korea. It is also reported that a school
for training Korean foresters has been
established. -
Premature.
'Husband (on overland train) You
mustn't mind it, Maria, itjl take several
doses of spirits during the day, from now
"on. It's the only thing that will cut this
alkali dust that gets into one's throat.
Wife You won't have to do it to-day,
John. I've been making some inquiries,
and I find we don't strike the alkali re
gion for 500 miles yet.
Aa Revised.
Sail on, sail on, O ship of state!
Portland cemented, strong and great!
Humanity need have no fears;
Thou'lt go uncracked through all thi
years,
With rocky sides imperforate!
Chicago Tribune. ' i'
The Wlae Hen.
"After all, It's the wise man who can
change his opinion."
"But the wisest men simply can't do
It" -
"Why not?"
"Because they've been dead for
years." Catholic Standard and Times.
, Medicines containing Mercury are often given to persons suffering with
Contae-ions Blood Poison, and so powerful is the action of this drug that it
frequently removes the symptoms in a short while, and shuts the disease
up in the system to do greater damage to the delicate internal members.
When, however, the treatment is left off, the disease always returns, and the
. .... i i a. ; f i ? i i
patient nnds that nis neaitn nas oeen injurea Dy mis puwenui mineral, anu
lie is often left with weak stomach, disturbed digestion, mercurial rheuma
tism, etc. The action of S. S. S.
Metfnrv. nor anv other harmful
cleansing roots and. herbs. It cures
the virus from the blood. It searches out every particle of the poison
ond lines not leave the least trace for future outbreaks. S. S. S., in
addition to curing the disease, builds up and strengthens every part of the
Kvlv. Its fine tonic effects tone no the stomach and digestion, improve the
- ' aooetite and resrulate the entire system. Home treatment book containing
valuable information about the different stages of the disease and any
AesAreA Rent free to all
General 'Demand
of the Well-Informed of the World has
always been for a simple, pleasant
and efficient liquid laxative remedy of
known value; a laxative which physi
cians could sanction for family use
because its component part3 art
known to them to be wholesome and
truly beneficial im effect, acceptable
to the system and gentle, yet prompt.
In action.
In supplying that demand with its
excellent combination of Syrup of
Figs and Elixir of Senna, the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co. proceeds along
ethical lines and relies on the merits
of the laxative for its remarkable
success. .
That is one of many reasons why
Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna 13
given the preference by the Well
informed. To get its beneficial effects
always buy the genuine manufac
tured by the California Fig Syrup Co.,
only, and for sale by all leading
druggists. Price fifty cents per bottle.
Ilia Bus Day.
"Ethel," he whispered, "will you mar
ry me?"
"I don't know, Charles," she replied,
coyly.
"Well, when you find out," he said,
rising, "send me word, will you? I
shall be at Mabel Hicks' until 10
o'clock. If I don't hear from you by
10 I'm going to ask her." TId-BIts.
Oar Own Minstrels.
Bones Mistah Johnsing, kin yo' tell
me de diff'unce 'tween de dipplymatic
inte'eo'se o' fust class powahs an' nine
cases o' measles in a cullud fambly?
Interlocutor No, George; that's the
hardest one I ever heard. What is the
difference between the diplomatic inter
course of first class' powers and nine
cases of measles in a colored family?
Bones De one am de serious affairs of
state an de uddah am a serious state
of affairs. -
Interlocutor Ladies and ' gentlemen,
the premier vocalist of the western hemi
sphere, Mr. Splitcher Reerdrums, will
now sing the beautiful ballad entitled,
"Darling, Take Your Arm Away; Moth
er Is Peeping Through the Keyhole."
A Delicious1 Custard.
The recipe for this delicate dessert
has been handed down' in my family
for many generations: Into each indi
vidual custard cup put the yolk of one
egg, add one heaping teaspoonful of
sugar, two gratings of nutmeg and five
tablespoonfuls of sweet milk. Incorpo
rate thoroughly and set the cups In a
pan of hot water. Bake In a moderate
oven until firm. When cool, cover with
a meringue, using the whites of the
eggs for this purpose, and allow one
tablespoonful of powdered sugar to the
white of each egg. Through the very
tiptop of each snowy mound drop a
teaspoonful of orange marmalade. De
lineator. But Never Call Him Ear If.
He Funny thing about your sex.
Call a woman "a bird" and she's pleas
ed. But call her a hen or an old crow
and she gets angry.
She Nothing exclusively feminine
about that. Call a man "a sad dog"
and he feels good. But call him "a
miserable cur" the same thing and
he'll knock your head off. Boston
Transcript
Knew One of the Firm.
Attendant (showing him through the
structure) This house is built on what
is known as the "slow combustion" plan.
Mr. Pneuritch Ah, yes; I think
know S locum. I have seen him at the
club ; but I have never had the pleasure
of meeting Mr. Bustion. Chicago Trib
une.
Brazilian railroads in operation a' the
beginning of last year had a total length
of 10,776 miles. In addition there were
1,902 miles under construction and 4,177
miles being surveyed or already approved,
making the total mileage about 10,855
miles.
Saved by Tomatoes.
John Vaughn of Mercerville, a rural
letter carrier, was driving along a road
when an auto plunged into his light rig
from behind. Vaughn was, tossed in the
air to alight in a load of toniatoes lit a
wagon twenty feet ahead. His rig was
demolished, but the soft tomatoes saved
him fEpiu serious injury.' The squash
ing of the tomatoes did not save
Vaughn from the Ire of the wagon's
owner. The driver of the automobile
sped on with a grin. Kansas City
Journal.
Ia tha Concrete Age.
First Government Officer (a few yean
hence) Anything particular on hand to-
dav?
Second Government Officer Yes; I've
got to go this afternoon to take part in
the molding of the corner stone lor a new
battleship.
CONTAINS
o NO MERCURY
is entirely different. It contains no
drug, but is made entirely of healing,
Contagious Blood Poison by removing
who write.
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLASTA, GA,
The story of k.
by a writer lu the
iagiizlucs is very simple, -straight
to tiiut spot in the heart t.
i always waiting to respond to tbs
brave and sweet things of life. Skaggles
was not his name. Some one gave him
that title the .third day after he took
the job. It was finally curtailed to
Skag." When he first came to the
office he fitted like a mouse's tall In . a
well ; but he had an old look the look
of a burden beyond his years. He was
wan and pale, and his nose was red
every time he came in from the weath
er. His shoes and stockings were ven
tilated beyond endurance to anybody
except a boy.
But Skag was a faithful worker at
first Bright and early he swept the
office and dusted the desks that Is,
used the duster and by eight o'clock
he was over in his corner, his hair plas
tered back and his face washed, save
for the high-water mark about his neck.
But by degrees Skag's enthusiasm
over his new position languished. The
clerks complained of unemptled waste
baskets pud dusty desks. It was also
noticed that Skag's clothes were dally
growing more shabby, his hair longer,
his shoes more run over, and it was
evident that his mind was not on his
work.
A reprimand from the "boss" had the
desired effect. He became more punc
tual, took more interest in his work,
seemed cheery, and sometimes whistled
little. But Skag's work was spas
modic. It was not long before he was
as bad as ever. His work lagged, ho
was slow about getting round mornings,
and his Interest outwardly, at least
was of the wooden Indian variety. The
crowning and final test of endurance
on the part of the office force came
when he went to sleep in his chair.
"Skag, come here!"
It was the boss. Skag shuffled into
the manager's private office, and sat on
the edge of a chair, nervous and
fidgety. The boss did not speak for a
minute his way of impressing a cul
prit.
"Skag, this thing has gone far
enough I You are not paying attention
to your work. Look at the dust on my
desk it's frightful. This is Monday.
I'll give you just one week. Saturday
winds you up unless you come out of
that trance. That's all."
Skag sniffed and shuffled back to his
chair, where he tugged at the seam on
his trousers and gazed vacantly out of
the window.
The next morning the office, fairly
glistened, and all through the week
his work Improved. The stenographer
even discarded her work sleeves, "her
desk was so clean.
But no one noticed that Skag's face
was growing thinner and his eyelids
more drooping. - '
Saturday night, after five o'clock,
Skag stayed and cleaned up the office.
He would be that much ahead when
Monday came.
Monday morning the office was as
clean as a Dutch kitchen, but there was
no Skag. Noon arrived, and still no
Skag, at which the boss waxed wrathy.
"Jones, go up to the kid's house and
see whst the trouble is. Tell him if he
can't get here by two o'clock, he needn't
come at all."
When Jones returned he went Into
the manager's private office and closed
the door. Later he came out with a
lone sheet of naner in his hand. The
boss had headed the list with twenty
five dollars.
"What broueht It on?" asked the
stenographer.
"Exposure, and not enough to keep
bodv and soul together. The kid's been
sitting up nights with her for a month,
Funeral's Wednesday."
Skag Is still working. He wears a
new suit, and the high-water mark
round his neck has disappeared. And
thev do not call him Skaggles now.
They call him by his right name.
Practicing; by Bar.
When Grover Cleveland was practic
ing law in Buffalo one of his friends
was a lazy young lawyer who was for
ever pestering him with questions about
legal points that he could Just as well
have looked up- for himself. Even
Cleveland's patience had an end. One
day as his friend entered he remarked
"There are my books. Help yourself
to them. You can look up your own
case."
The lazy lawyer Stared at him In
amazement
"See here, Grover Cleveland," he
aid Indignantly, "I want you to under
stand that you and your old books can
go to thunder. You know very well
that I don't read law. I practice cn
tirely by ear." Everybody's Magazine.
The Right Kind of m Girl.
Wedderly Can the girl you are en
gaged to swim?
Slnfc'.eton I don't know. But why
do you ask?
Wedderly Because If she can you
ought to be happy. A girl who can swim
can keep her mouth shut Buffalo Com
mercial.
A Fulfillment.
They said he'd make his mark 'mongst
men.
It was a prophecy profound.
He bought himself a fountain pen
And when he shook Jt now and then
Made marks on every one around !
Washington Star.
When a locality is rather short on
other resources, it is pretty apt to lay
claim to a remarkably healthful ell-
mate.
torn Pe-r
I
, tVJiat She Says:
MISS DELLA STROEBE; 710 Rich
mond St., Appleton, Wis., writes:
"For several years I was in a run
down condition, and I could find no re
lief from doctors and medicines. I
conld not enjoy my meals, and could
not sleep at night. I had heavy, dark
circles about the eyes.
My friends were much alarmed. I
was advised to give Peruna a trial, and
to my Joy I began to improve with the
first bottle. After taking six bottles I
felt completely cured. I cannot say too
much for Peruna as a medicine for
women in a run-down condition."
Pe ru na Did Wonders.
Mrs. Judge J, F. Boyer, 1121 Sherman
Ave., Fvanston, 111., says that she be
came run down, could neither eat nor
sleep well, and lost flesh and spirit. Pe
runa did wonders for her, and she thanks
Peruna for new lifo and strength.
HOWAKD E. BURTON. ARsnyer arl Chemist.
Leadvllle, Coloruuo Specimen prices: Gold,
Bllrer, Lt-ad,tl ; CloGi, tllver,7.ie; Oold, iucj Zluoot
Couoer.fel. Cvanldo tes:. SlaillimenvelcDi'S and
ftill price list sent oa application. Control and Cm- I ;
Sire worn souuiieu. avuiuxculu j wuvuuw
ooal llauk.
WHEN YGD CGME TO PORTLAND
ARRANGE TO STOP AT
THE CORNELIUS
PARK AND ALDER STS.
A New and Modern European Hotel catering
particularly to State people. A refined place for
ladies visiting the city, close to the shopping
center. Rates reasonable. Free Bus.
N. K. CLARKE, (late of Portland Hotel) Mgr.
A Rare Bargain
Douglas County Farm in the heart
of the famous Shoestring Valley.
Sixty acres 45 acres cleared; 15
acres fir timber; soil rich and mel
low; no rocks; schoolhouse i mile;
on county road; running water;
well; over 300 bearing fruit trees;
5-room log house, barn and other
out-buildings; two miles of fence;
full assortment farm implements;
all house furnishings; all crops.
Must sell, Price for everything.
$2,500. Address
MRS. O. A. DEARING
Room 41 9, Corbctt BIdg., Portland, Ore
PNU
No. 33-OS
WHEN -writing to advertisers please
mention this paper.
No Cause for Alarm.
"Look, officer !" shouted the excited
citizen. "That big department store is
afire!"
"What makes you think so?" asked
the officer, calmly.
"Why, don't you see all those wom
an shoppers coming down the Are es
capes?" "Oh, yes ; but that is not the sign of
fire. You see, they can't get through
the revolving doors with those big
hats." !
No Stranger to That. !
Mrs. Highmus I suppose at some time
In your life you struggled with the Nibe-
lungenlied? I
Mrs. Gaswell O, yes ; I had an awful
Siege of that in '93. I had to take all
kinds of nasty medicines before I got it
out of my system.
Kids and Goats.
Dottie O-ooh I What's this pic
ture?
TommyThat's Capt. Kidd an' his
band o' plruts.
Dottie An' which is Capt. Kidd?
Tommy W'y, th' guy with th'
goatee, o' course! Cleveland Leader.
tl juN,
&P5
ALCOHOL 3 PER cknt
Age(ablcPrcparalionforAs-similatingtiicFootfanilRegula-ting
(Jte Sioniadis andBowelsof
ProraofesDigcstionflicetM
ness and Rest.ContaIns ncil&er
Opiuai.Morphine nonMiiieralJ
NOT NARCOTIC.
l5
Jhiin Sad'
jSlx-Stma
J),MkMl-
fiivermit- .
iliCatiniwtrSt&t
Suqnr
i
Aperfect Remedy for Consflpa
lion , sour ainnuui. v m i w
Worms jConvulsi(ms.reverisit
ness and Loss OF Sleep.
TacSireiS Signature of
NEWY0HK.
h..:.rniieJ under tie Food a
Exact Copy of Wrapper.
JBSSIU
A
iC man
Ahal. A
for ad
f no nrpe-
ouiiereu - -vui irora depres
sion and nevertheless was taking on
fat at an alarming rate.. . - We'll soou
put you in condition again,' said the
physician. 'What you need Is exercise
;ood, hard exercise. Four tlnuts a
w ck you can come here and put in the
morning polishing my floors. 'But why
not my own floors?' the mandarin In
quired. 'Mine,' said the physician, 'are
larger.' "
A Rabbit and a WhUtle.
Did you know- that a short, sharp
whistle from the mouth would stop a
rabbit? It surely does. Xext time you
(.ee miiu jiuuy umuuiuii ieup uuui un
111.1. C 1 1 -"!,. 1.1. M 1 l.nea
Imrrnw miH inil:p nfP dont Rhimt : lust
whistle. Whether from fenr or curios
ity I cannot tell, but she will stop still
In her tracks. An antelope has been
known to do likewise. An African
hunter once said that the elephant Is
the most timid of all animals and can
be frightened into n cold sweat by a
mysterious noise. New York Tress.
FIT? Bt- Vitus' Dance and orvons Diseases penna
11 1 J neatly cured by Dr. I .lne's Great Nerve Re
storer. Semi for TREE $2.00 ttinl bottle and treatise.
Dr. K. II. Kline, Ld 931 Arch St., Fhiladolphla, fa.
Necessary Formality.
Mrs. Ferguson George, what do you
have to do when you want to draw some
money out of a bank?
Mr. Ferguson You have to put some
money In the bank beforehand. That'e
always been my experience.
Mothers will find Mre. Winslow's Soothing
Byrup the b'Bt remedy to use lol their childfu
during the teething period.
In the Literary Workshop.
"Brooks," said Rivers, who had been
struggling desperately with an idea for
more than half an hour, "give mo a rhyme
for. 'perfunctory.' "
"Sorry, old man," answered Brooks;
"but there isn't any."
"Dash it !" exclaimed Rivers.
Thereupon he proceeded to do it In
blankety blank verse.
.1
V
L
St. Helen's Hall, Portland, Or.
Resident and Day School for Girls.
Catalogue on Request.
BUSINESS COLLEGE
PORTLAND, OEKOON
BEHNKE-WALKER STUDENTS SUCCEED. WHY?
They are Trained for business in a business-like way.
Why not enroll in a reputable school that places all of Its graduates?
I. M. WALKER, Pres.
SEND FOR
MULE TEAM BORAX
by softenlni the water, cleans the akin thoroughly, removes
odor of perspiration and renders the skin soft and. velvety.
All dealers. Sample Borax, Booklet and Lace Centerpiece design oa cloth
ready to work, 10c, of PACIFIC COAST BORAX CO., Oakland, Cal. .
Local agents wanted. Write for money making- plun. . , "
Ia A'croni A 4
The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been
in use for over SO years, has borne the eig-natnre of
' and has been made under his per-
Sj-flfrfi Bonal supervision since its infancy.
WtafTY, Allow no one to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and" Just-as-good" are but
Experiments that trifle with and endanger the health of
Infants and Children Experience against Experiment,
What is CASTORIA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor otlier Narcotio
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms,
and allays Fcvcrishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind .
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep.
The Children's Panacea The Mother's Friend.
GENUINE CASTORIA ALVAYO
7
Bears the
The Kind You Have Always Bought
In Use For Over 30 Years
THC etNTMia COMPANY, TT MUHRAV STSCCT. NCW VOa CITY.
wrf .1
wnen trie
Hair Falls
! Then It's time to cct! No time
to study, to read, to experi
ment I You want to save your
hair, and save it quickly, too!
So make up your mind this
very minute that if your hair
ever comes out you will use
Ayer's Hair Vigor. It makes
the scalp healthy. The hair
Q stays in. It Cannot do any-
A . -
tu:na tc T.0 nnfiirp'a WAV.
ri
The best kind of a testimonial
"Cold for over sixty years."
by J. u. Ayor Co., Lowell. W
mo manuifcoturere of
9 SARSAPASILLA.
ijers
PILLS.
CUEiiHY PECTORAL,
Deep Sea Amenities.
The Oyster You're a good deal tougher
customer than I am.
The Clam That's all right. You do a
good deal crookeder shell game than I do.
A D!t of Advice.
This is a bit of advice ottered by the
Gunnison Gazette:
Young man, if you should corns
across a girl who, with a face as radi
ant as n sunflower, snys ns you appear
at the door, "I will be busy for half an
hour yet, for the dishes are not wash
ed," just squat right down on the door
step and wait for her, because soms
other chap may come along and secure
the prize, and right there you will havt
lost an angel.
IS OUR MOTTO
Said an Employer: "Stick to quality.
It will win out in the end." We do
"stick to quality." That is the reason
our graduates are so thorough and in
such demand. Investigate our claims to
superiority. Catalogue, business forms
and penwork free. Call, phone or write.
Portland Business College
Tenth and Morrison, Portland, Oregon
A. P. ARMSTRONG. Lt,. B.. PRINCIPAL
CATALOGUE
O. A. BOSSERMAN, See.
2k.
3
LA
EsMsaiu.' "
mm
K4J
n1
tin i
n x
I A V
. id
30688
Signature of