Humor and
Philosophy
»
sires a ?:0
rc : -
Sporlng Notes.
The world's nil right to a man who
is on good terms with himself.
The Answer.
When does the honeymoon come to an t»n<l
That was through all of the years to ex
tend?
What is the sign by which experts rnnv
read
Billing and cooing have slackened their
speed;
That the new mated
Really are sated?
Here is the truly Infallible way—
When he quits shaving his beard every
day.
When it takes twenty-four hours for a
kiss
In the first Hush of exuberant bliss.
Souls of one thought and two heads with
one mind.
Then does the barber his harvest time
find.
There is no stubble
Left to cause trouble.
He Is her abject, obedient slave.
Least he can do every day is to shave
But as the days run along and they find
Business and household concerns on their
mind
Down to his office some morn lie escapes,
Leaving his whiskers to do without
scrapes.
Sandpaper dressing
Has his caressing
When he comes home from his labors at
night.
End of the honeymoon then is in sight.
Of her objections she makes no disguise.
•'Never again!” is the way he replies.
But in a week he forgets what lie said —
Goes off again with his whiskers unshed
Useless complaining.
Honeymoon's waning.
May be annoying, but he doesn’t care.
When she quits minding the end is right
there.
9
Ts'ei cf Cilias.
Is
I.»
chronic cases cf kidney and bladder
trouble. It tends to regulate am
control the kidney and bladder ac
tion and is healing, strengthening
and bracing. For sale by Bandon
Drug Co.
Showed Stability.
Flying No False Colors.
"Do be patient.”
“I will not.”
"But why?"
"People might think
ent condition of things
Wise.
Silenced.
Into my room, and yet
no swish of petticoat—
as true as I'm a goat
the new stylo trouserette
Muddled.
"What is the matter?" asked the
customer of the grocer who was fuss
Ing about.
“I hare lost my weigh.1
Doesn’t Like It.
"She carries her age well.”
"Yes. but she wishes she eottlj carry
it to the well and dump it in."
Cal f<»t ni..
t
HEN Traveling you want the most for your
maney, don’t y.> t ? Why? Because it is a
business proposition, I t is just what we have to
offer. We can give ycu the most for your money.
T he Steamer Fifield i the best equipped passenger
boat sailing from ports scuth of Portland, She is the
largest boat sailing from the Coquille river, These
facts can not be disputed. The Fifield has the best
passenger accommodations and service. Hot and
Fifield is equipped with
coiti water in every room.
This service alone ought to appeal to you.
wireless.
rifield has twin screw engines, therefore no danger
of being at the mercy of the sea
Pi.-!
Kan -as t’iiy st..r.
A'.itordobücs.
Utterly Hopeless.
“Step In dde. please, lady.”
“I can't. Don't you see how crowded
tile car is?"
“There's plenty of room up in front."
“Then why don't you make these peo
ple move forward?”
“Lady, they wouldn’t budge if I was
to ask them with tears in my eyes.”—
Newark News.
th? ' 1
Tt has bopii c-i
tlio present year the an tune ’ ■
this country will aj:gre^ah» 1
000 miles.
A rear biuiipe! for autcm'ibU
prefect tlie Lr:'.s(t!i:'“ tsnk. I.- !’• b
roar axle in event of n <• ' '.' I ••
been devised.
A pneumatic repair cou li has
invented for tin* use of ti> • mo
who finds il
e ar. c» ; •: d > ■
his br.ck under l he tuachji •
At the Best.
Reapin’ or sowin’.
On tlie road you’re goln,
Takin’ all the country at its best.
Sighin’ or singin’.
Still to reach the ringin’
Of bells whose twilight chorus breathes
of rest.
—Atlanta Constitution.
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BANDON OKI liPN
We are Agent» for the
Famous
MIDDLE AGED AND ELDERLY PEOPLE
(>e Foley Kidney Fills lor qiiicl
and permanent results in all case; of
kidney and bladder troubles, and
Lesson From the Past.
for painful nnl annoy int» irregiiluri-
Bnlwer was writing “A Strange
ties For sale by tin- B.union Ding
Story."
"The strange thing about this story." Co.
he said, "is that I’ve already sold the
manuscript of it."
Tims furnishing another proof, as
we see, that truth is stranger than fic
tion.—Chicago Tribune.
i Alvin Munck, hop
I.
PiiäliOS
If you are contemplate .
buying a i’iano, give 1 ;>
a call. ¡1 cor.*;; you n- ’
ing to examine them.
There is one medicine that eterv
family should be provided with and
especially during the summer months
viz: Chamberlain's Colic, Chalet.1
and Diarrhoea Remedy. It is almost
ceratili to be needed. It costs Imt a
quarter, (.'an jou afford to be with
out it? For sale by C Y, Lowe.
Rings on Her Finger.
A Fata! Omission.
”1 can’t for tin- life of me make
what my wife Is driving at In this
ter?”
“Of course you can't, old chap. I >on’t
you see that she forgot to add the post
script?” New Orleans Times ! eiuo-
crat.
A clerk in a downtown jewelry
was being instructed by bis new em
ployer. “When a man comes in to buy
a wedding ring always ask him if °n
engagement ring will be worn with i*
and what carat it is. The two shouH
be the same. If the engagement riu>
is eighteen carats, say. and the wed
ding ring is fourteen, as they rub to
gether the softer ring will show thj
wear and usually just under the stone,
which becomes loosened.
We ha»*
had to reset hundreds of diamonds fo?
this very reason.”—New York Sun.
EMEMBER that we always have a full passen
ger iis‘ both ways. Why? it is just as we
W* l ive you ihe most for your money,
-tateJ ?"!?-■,
When ion wml to got: San Frsncisco, order your
n you will be sure oi getting one.
berth t, ly,
r ? 1
Don’t
> aboi ' it and put it off lor a day
or two. Many things happen in a day or two. Do it
now btfore it is too late. We also give the best
freight service. Ask anyone, ¡'hey will tell you that
we do. Why ship a- y olher way than the best when
it doesn’t ccst any more.
Baicwh
i
The Waning Honeymoon
The young husband halted nt the
gate and retraced his steps.
“Did you come buck for another
kiss, dear?” inquired tile bride.
“Well, I’ll tulio another kiss, but
what I camo back for was iu,v over
shoes."—Kansas City Journal.
Prices $250 and up
Easy Terms
BANDON DRUG Ci?
i
s
A (treat
Clubbing Offer
The uniform success that Ins at
tended ibe use of Chamberlain's
Colic, Cholera and Diaahoea Rme
<ly has made it a favorite everywhere.
It can always be dapended upon.
For sale by C. Y Lowe.
i Í
Wanted
In Coos or Currv Con it i« s. I >tlr .;.
Plastering or Chimney’ Work.
Whooping cough is not dinger-
35 years experience
All work
ous when the cough is kept loose
first class at right prices.
.«nd expectoration easy by giving
A. M. FINCH. I’.mdon. Ore.
Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy. Il
has been used tn many epidemics of
SHOES
this disease with perfect success. For BOOTS - AND
sale by C. Y. Lowe.
Agent—Now. pleas*» state what con
ditions you require on the part of the
lady. Suitor—A pleasant exterior. 20.-
000 marks dowry, domestic training
and (¡’i size gloves. Agent Mnv I ask
why you fix upon the last named con
dition? Suitor Well, you nee. a few
years ago I won six pairs of ladles’
"gloves. fPi size. In an exhibition lot
tery. and you can't ex|>ect me to throw
them away.
M
B K E I E R
where the market news ran l>* and i cor-
to date for each i . ur.
It also ha n
4 pag.- of ?p
rial matter
larm >n .
rpenl
aiatt-r f-n
i w the I.rm
hone, an interesting
inter* tins; lory pane and a pa;
Io
of rn-ar of eomie each week, and it
he all-ob*x twice ea*di werlr -iOi tim* a
$
$
Level Lois Close in on
Columbia
Ave., opposite
$250 each
Invest now.
Church,
They are
wonli more money, but see
year.
The Semi-Weekly
Bandon Recorder
t
Dealer in Hoots and Shoe*.
Repairing neatly and pronip
tly done at lowest liv
ing prices
$
’Tree Nice
tn.iikrt report , •* it i*. i-. published nl Portland,
I reeled
You can't expect Io gel $2 worth
for $ I, bul you can get your
money’s worth at
Thrifty.
*p
S^mi-Weekly Oregon Journal, one
year ____________ _ .__ _______ $L>0
Semi - Weekly Bandon Recorder
one year______ ___ ____ ____ |,50
Children that are affected by
$3.( í»
T o' a I
worms are pale and sickly and liable
The Cling That Chokes.
Give it time enough and «-«i-iiti.nl'y
to contract some fatal disease
the clinging vine will g< t the g: .ut
White’s Cream Vetmifuge expels oak s goal. Galveston News.
Both Papers One Year ,>2.*<
worms promptly and puts the child
It is worse than useless to take
on the road to health. Price 25c
any medicine internally for mn-mil.-r
The Sem'rWeekly
per bottle. Sold by C. Y. Lowe.
or chronic rheumatism Ail that is
The Cnc Who Got Hurt
ne-ded is a free application of Cham Oregon Journal
“Was your Imsicind one of tlie con- berlain’s Liniment. For sab-bv
Í Publishes th* L.tr ♦ . i'lO' 1 ( ( mplete h i* -
testai t-< at bridge?"
graphic n<*v • ci the work’;
rHi.J v
I “Ob, no.” replied Mrs. Flinigllt. “All Y. I .owe
!
She came
1 beard
No; for
She wore
San Francisco
OT
r«ra
Fly.
he did was to draw a die k for my
losses. His attitude was merely that
of the Innocent bystander.”—Washing
ton Star.
"He always flatters a girl.
"Of course."
"Why of course?"
“Because tbat's the only way to get
her to listen."
OAKES
Chain Stitch'. lie '.itc-t up
minute steel attachment «ili
machine. Sold on e.isx pal
Send name mil address
beautiful IL T. catalogue free.
WHI TE SI AVINt. MACHINES
1460 Mallo l Siri ; t
The ('pen
ei L t Icmomidr ' '
appront ilir;r. !t m-cd to bo mint julo;
—Atl ’iif:i Jourm'l.
In tin» rt rlnp :i younp mail’s f.'ncx
makes toiinE "ss th jus : mis Impii.
riilhulelphia Imiuiit .’.
Tin» sot’.son hr.-' m’rived when tin*
shortest poem ever written ondili I »
be published e; Jin. It i this.
If yon have the ¡fell, don't scratch
li does not cure the trouble anti
makes the skin bleed, Apple Bal-
lard’s Snow Liniment, Rub it in
gently on the affected parts, It re-
lieves itebing instantly and a few ap
plications removes the cause thus
Her Toilet.
performing a permanent cure. Price
“Why doesn't she go out more?"
25c, 50c and $1.0(1 per bottle, Soli I
"She doesn't have time.”
"Why. what lias she to do but got by C. Y. Lowe.
“How old are you?”
"Twenty.”
“Are you. indeed?"
“Fact."
“How long have you been twenty?”
1 cn Acre Tracts dose to Sandon. Stump land $30
and $40 per acre, as good fruit and beri” lard as
there is in the county.
fcv. choice lots in Waterman’s Park Adui«.i~two
blocks west of school house, cleared and ready to
build on.
Mouse and two lots in Woodland Add i ton Fine view
and in good condition. This L a snap. If taken
quick, $1000.
House and large lot in West Bandon. $1250. I 00
this up it you are looking for a nice home.
have property listed in all parts of Bandon, beside;
some fine farm, fruit - nd stock rtiising land; see m.
before investing in Coos County laud of any kind.
Always glad to show what I hav ¡or sale and wih
treat you right.
In L< nisvilie. l y.. nearly all t-m’i re
nan • ' l-elr I- 1 * while in dry g.>. 1! * or
millinery slm • ■
! ordon Ims fewer sui iilcs then liny
other great < npiial. While l’nris li.-
four hundred sui. ides for each lni’lit n
a year. London Ims only ninety.
In Pittsburg hoisting engines for
buildings In course of erection trust 1- 1
wholly within the building, and build
Ing materials di'i'.'.cred in the
must be ti’.’in *!'i-i’i’i-il to the pre.ri-•• ;
within two limii's No build'n;.' mate
rials may be left I11 the street nicr-
liigiit.
Unfailing.
"What do you regard as an unfailing
sign of spring.”
"Unfailing?”
"Yes.”
"When mother announces that these
are absolutely the last buckwheat
lakes we will get until next winter.”
ready and go out?"
"But. you see. getting ready to go
out is a continuous performance with
her.”
investment
Cbtcngo luay send a tenui of liurlers
to Ireland this year.
Zbysco and Ilackenachiuldt ma.v
wrv' tle in London during coronal ion
v. t't’ic In J nut.
’’■teller I’d Welsh of tlie White Sox
is firmly <»f the opinion that the spb
ball delivery has vuiue to stay.
Fitts! u:e end Onn h.i will l:o’d ♦’» ’
nmmal < > iv < miri tenuis
.• * » 1
mi altvr.irJe ye: ra. Oimihi v. Ill r.*»i 1
Hie events »» ’ l b nr»» < f :i n *(’ '
<
t' I • venr. <’U| s vi1' b.*
ri’«en ind'vide..!I r.iitl two i.ian team
viiri.’. .4.
Sc-rctaiy of Stale Knox Is un expert
pool player.
Lewis Nixon, till* si ipliuild.-r. gradu
•x DVJÍCA5 /*. SMiTH
ated at tile United Stu s Naval it il-
emy in is s? at tlie li ■ nl *>f lii-* class.
(■(■•un -<i I.-:.1 Julius Kalm of Califor
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
nia v a•: f..*-.ai r y .-¡n m t- r with t’.noth.
j >EOI'I.E who sing liecnuse they want JeTcrsou. S- li ini. Clara Morris and
to are poiveiful factors in culti 01 tier w. it hi-.o vii stars.
Wi'.iiitu Henry Goodyear, « mali.r of
vating self restraint in their he.ireis.
tile l'ino Arts mi: -11111 of B.-ooklyu. Is
a son of Clitirles ito( dye.’ir. tlie famous
Some |>eo|ile are so exceedingly moi
Bl it makes you want to be bad just to inventor of vulcanized rubber.
William llulile Ward, earl of Dudley,
even things up.
plans to lenve Australia in .In1;, ami
He ' : ; triti ad
A man with a grouch Is a sort of self return to England
I
extensively. Iiiivim- 1 '. Ited oi, . y ( 1111-
propelling wet blanket.
try of note in tin- woi id.
Opportunity laughs at some of us
TlK-t’.ias 1“. Core tin- bliml senator
and plays tag with others.
fl’iil I I lid.’-lioma. Io t Ilfs L-f« eye liv an
iiedd.-at at tin- nge i.f ei;.llt i ni! lost
The num who knows enough to keep tlie is lit eye by an orron fanti r
still Inis the lest of us guessing.
crossi,ow lit tlie age ef eleven.
Coimt <'olirmi de Buissert. minister
Don't give advice for fear you may from Itelirlnin Io tin- l ulled Stales, lias
be called upon later to minister to the li’.-en appointed Belgian minister to
victims.
Bussili, lie will bo replaced in Wash
ingtoli by F. Hai enitli. now nilr.isior
A girl's idea of a hero is a man witll to Persia ami formerly
ly eor’pîelor of
long eyelashes and a curly black mus
tin- F.eigium legation .-it Washington.
tactie
John B. lleresimlT. America's most
famous yield designer, is totally blind.
I.uck is a good thing to have, but He lost ids eyesight when lie was only
you ure lucky if you cun hitch up with fourteen years old. All tlie yuclits
It.
which lie Ims built, including tin- suc
cessful American cup defenders, have
One way to discourage gossip is to I hm - u designed by tlie "feel of the
keep on good terms, but not too good, fingers.”
with your neighbors.
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ail t f l /i a! n* . and hap^nii’.’ a» <1
should Iw? in every horn-* in litt. Vf ili I y . I ' '
two pap-rs ¿fiakr’ a ?plerd;J combin<Jj<»n ar d
you < an
I I" .'>d»r .; your ’ul»M.rip
tionx to ilu Ban h-' Re order. We can
also give our i»jh<cr;b-r« a good clubbts? of-
(er for tlv Daily and Surd.iy, « r Sundr
JniKnal in <■ onn'-- '■ >n v. r. th'- ' e-,
, y
Bandon Recorder.
A
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3. W. Chariesworih
Opposite tirami i heatre
MrwasawtMMy i