Humor and Philosophy » sires a ?:0 rc : - Sporlng Notes. The world's nil right to a man who is on good terms with himself. The Answer. When does the honeymoon come to an t»n<l That was through all of the years to ex tend? What is the sign by which experts rnnv read Billing and cooing have slackened their speed; That the new mated Really are sated? Here is the truly Infallible way— When he quits shaving his beard every day. When it takes twenty-four hours for a kiss In the first Hush of exuberant bliss. Souls of one thought and two heads with one mind. Then does the barber his harvest time find. There is no stubble Left to cause trouble. He Is her abject, obedient slave. Least he can do every day is to shave But as the days run along and they find Business and household concerns on their mind Down to his office some morn lie escapes, Leaving his whiskers to do without scrapes. Sandpaper dressing Has his caressing When he comes home from his labors at night. End of the honeymoon then is in sight. Of her objections she makes no disguise. •'Never again!” is the way he replies. But in a week he forgets what lie said — Goes off again with his whiskers unshed Useless complaining. Honeymoon's waning. May be annoying, but he doesn’t care. When she quits minding the end is right there. 9 Ts'ei cf Cilias. Is I.» chronic cases cf kidney and bladder trouble. It tends to regulate am control the kidney and bladder ac tion and is healing, strengthening and bracing. For sale by Bandon Drug Co. Showed Stability. Flying No False Colors. "Do be patient.” “I will not.” "But why?" "People might think ent condition of things Wise. Silenced. Into my room, and yet no swish of petticoat— as true as I'm a goat the new stylo trouserette Muddled. "What is the matter?" asked the customer of the grocer who was fuss Ing about. “I hare lost my weigh.1 Doesn’t Like It. "She carries her age well.” "Yes. but she wishes she eottlj carry it to the well and dump it in." Cal f<»t ni.. t HEN Traveling you want the most for your maney, don’t y.> t ? Why? Because it is a business proposition, I t is just what we have to offer. We can give ycu the most for your money. T he Steamer Fifield i the best equipped passenger boat sailing from ports scuth of Portland, She is the largest boat sailing from the Coquille river, These facts can not be disputed. The Fifield has the best passenger accommodations and service. Hot and Fifield is equipped with coiti water in every room. This service alone ought to appeal to you. wireless. rifield has twin screw engines, therefore no danger of being at the mercy of the sea Pi.-! Kan -as t’iiy st..r. A'.itordobücs. Utterly Hopeless. “Step In dde. please, lady.” “I can't. Don't you see how crowded tile car is?" “There's plenty of room up in front." “Then why don't you make these peo ple move forward?” “Lady, they wouldn’t budge if I was to ask them with tears in my eyes.”— Newark News. th? ' 1 Tt has bopii c-i tlio present year the an tune ’ ■ this country will aj:gre^ah» 1 000 miles. A rear biuiipe! for autcm'ibU prefect tlie Lr:'.s(t!i:'“ tsnk. I.- !’• b roar axle in event of n <• ' '.' I •• been devised. A pneumatic repair cou li has invented for tin* use of ti> • mo who finds il e ar. c» ; •: d > ■ his br.ck under l he tuachji • At the Best. Reapin’ or sowin’. On tlie road you’re goln, Takin’ all the country at its best. Sighin’ or singin’. Still to reach the ringin’ Of bells whose twilight chorus breathes of rest. —Atlanta Constitution. '■ i (< BANDON OKI liPN We are Agent» for the Famous MIDDLE AGED AND ELDERLY PEOPLE (>e Foley Kidney Fills lor qiiicl and permanent results in all case; of kidney and bladder troubles, and Lesson From the Past. for painful nnl annoy int» irregiiluri- Bnlwer was writing “A Strange ties For sale by tin- B.union Ding Story." "The strange thing about this story." Co. he said, "is that I’ve already sold the manuscript of it." Tims furnishing another proof, as we see, that truth is stranger than fic tion.—Chicago Tribune. i Alvin Munck, hop I. PiiäliOS If you are contemplate . buying a i’iano, give 1 ;> a call. ¡1 cor.*;; you n- ’ ing to examine them. There is one medicine that eterv family should be provided with and especially during the summer months viz: Chamberlain's Colic, Chalet.1 and Diarrhoea Remedy. It is almost ceratili to be needed. It costs Imt a quarter, (.'an jou afford to be with out it? For sale by C Y, Lowe. Rings on Her Finger. A Fata! Omission. ”1 can’t for tin- life of me make what my wife Is driving at In this ter?” “Of course you can't, old chap. I >on’t you see that she forgot to add the post script?” New Orleans Times ! eiuo- crat. A clerk in a downtown jewelry was being instructed by bis new em ployer. “When a man comes in to buy a wedding ring always ask him if °n engagement ring will be worn with i* and what carat it is. The two shouH be the same. If the engagement riu> is eighteen carats, say. and the wed ding ring is fourteen, as they rub to gether the softer ring will show thj wear and usually just under the stone, which becomes loosened. We ha»* had to reset hundreds of diamonds fo? this very reason.”—New York Sun. EMEMBER that we always have a full passen ger iis‘ both ways. Why? it is just as we W* l ive you ihe most for your money, -tateJ ?"!?-■, When ion wml to got: San Frsncisco, order your n you will be sure oi getting one. berth t, ly, r ? 1 Don’t > aboi ' it and put it off lor a day or two. Many things happen in a day or two. Do it now btfore it is too late. We also give the best freight service. Ask anyone, ¡'hey will tell you that we do. Why ship a- y olher way than the best when it doesn’t ccst any more. Baicwh i The Waning Honeymoon The young husband halted nt the gate and retraced his steps. “Did you come buck for another kiss, dear?” inquired tile bride. “Well, I’ll tulio another kiss, but what I camo back for was iu,v over shoes."—Kansas City Journal. Prices $250 and up Easy Terms BANDON DRUG Ci? i s A (treat Clubbing Offer The uniform success that Ins at tended ibe use of Chamberlain's Colic, Cholera and Diaahoea Rme <ly has made it a favorite everywhere. It can always be dapended upon. For sale by C. Y Lowe. i Í Wanted In Coos or Currv Con it i« s. I >tlr .;. Plastering or Chimney’ Work. Whooping cough is not dinger- 35 years experience All work ous when the cough is kept loose first class at right prices. .«nd expectoration easy by giving A. M. FINCH. I’.mdon. Ore. Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy. Il has been used tn many epidemics of SHOES this disease with perfect success. For BOOTS - AND sale by C. Y. Lowe. Agent—Now. pleas*» state what con ditions you require on the part of the lady. Suitor—A pleasant exterior. 20.- 000 marks dowry, domestic training and (¡’i size gloves. Agent Mnv I ask why you fix upon the last named con dition? Suitor Well, you nee. a few years ago I won six pairs of ladles’ "gloves. fPi size. In an exhibition lot tery. and you can't ex|>ect me to throw them away. M B K E I E R where the market news ran l>* and i cor- to date for each i . ur. It also ha n 4 pag.- of ?p rial matter larm >n . rpenl aiatt-r f-n i w the I.rm hone, an interesting inter* tins; lory pane and a pa; Io of rn-ar of eomie each week, and it he all-ob*x twice ea*di werlr -iOi tim* a $ $ Level Lois Close in on Columbia Ave., opposite $250 each Invest now. Church, They are wonli more money, but see year. The Semi-Weekly Bandon Recorder t Dealer in Hoots and Shoe*. Repairing neatly and pronip tly done at lowest liv ing prices $ ’Tree Nice tn.iikrt report , •* it i*. i-. published nl Portland, I reeled You can't expect Io gel $2 worth for $ I, bul you can get your money’s worth at Thrifty. *p S^mi-Weekly Oregon Journal, one year ____________ _ .__ _______ $L>0 Semi - Weekly Bandon Recorder one year______ ___ ____ ____ |,50 Children that are affected by $3.( í» T o' a I worms are pale and sickly and liable The Cling That Chokes. Give it time enough and «-«i-iiti.nl'y to contract some fatal disease the clinging vine will g< t the g: .ut White’s Cream Vetmifuge expels oak s goal. Galveston News. Both Papers One Year ,>2.*< worms promptly and puts the child It is worse than useless to take on the road to health. Price 25c any medicine internally for mn-mil.-r The Sem'rWeekly per bottle. Sold by C. Y. Lowe. or chronic rheumatism Ail that is The Cnc Who Got Hurt ne-ded is a free application of Cham Oregon Journal “Was your Imsicind one of tlie con- berlain’s Liniment. For sab-bv Í Publishes th* L.tr ♦ . i'lO' 1 ( ( mplete h i* - testai t-< at bridge?" graphic n<*v • ci the work’; rHi.J v I “Ob, no.” replied Mrs. Flinigllt. “All Y. I .owe ! She came 1 beard No; for She wore San Francisco OT r«ra Fly. he did was to draw a die k for my losses. His attitude was merely that of the Innocent bystander.”—Washing ton Star. "He always flatters a girl. "Of course." "Why of course?" “Because tbat's the only way to get her to listen." OAKES Chain Stitch'. lie '.itc-t up minute steel attachment «ili machine. Sold on e.isx pal Send name mil address beautiful IL T. catalogue free. WHI TE SI AVINt. MACHINES 1460 Mallo l Siri ; t The ('pen ei L t Icmomidr ' ' appront ilir;r. !t m-cd to bo mint julo; —Atl ’iif:i Jourm'l. In tin» rt rlnp :i younp mail’s f.'ncx makes toiinE "ss th jus : mis Impii. riilhulelphia Imiuiit .’. Tin» sot’.son hr.-' m’rived when tin* shortest poem ever written ondili I » be published e; Jin. It i this. If yon have the ¡fell, don't scratch li does not cure the trouble anti makes the skin bleed, Apple Bal- lard’s Snow Liniment, Rub it in gently on the affected parts, It re- lieves itebing instantly and a few ap plications removes the cause thus Her Toilet. performing a permanent cure. Price “Why doesn't she go out more?" 25c, 50c and $1.0(1 per bottle, Soli I "She doesn't have time.” "Why. what lias she to do but got by C. Y. Lowe. “How old are you?” "Twenty.” “Are you. indeed?" “Fact." “How long have you been twenty?” 1 cn Acre Tracts dose to Sandon. Stump land $30 and $40 per acre, as good fruit and beri” lard as there is in the county. fcv. choice lots in Waterman’s Park Adui«.i~two blocks west of school house, cleared and ready to build on. Mouse and two lots in Woodland Add i ton Fine view and in good condition. This L a snap. If taken quick, $1000. House and large lot in West Bandon. $1250. I 00 this up it you are looking for a nice home. have property listed in all parts of Bandon, beside; some fine farm, fruit - nd stock rtiising land; see m. before investing in Coos County laud of any kind. Always glad to show what I hav ¡or sale and wih treat you right. In L< nisvilie. l y.. nearly all t-m’i re nan • ' l-elr I- 1 * while in dry g.>. 1! * or millinery slm • ■ ! ordon Ims fewer sui iilcs then liny other great < npiial. While l’nris li.- four hundred sui. ides for each lni’lit n a year. London Ims only ninety. In Pittsburg hoisting engines for buildings In course of erection trust 1- 1 wholly within the building, and build Ing materials di'i'.'.cred in the must be ti’.’in *!'i-i’i’i-il to the pre.ri-•• ; within two limii's No build'n;.' mate rials may be left I11 the street nicr- liigiit. Unfailing. "What do you regard as an unfailing sign of spring.” "Unfailing?” "Yes.” "When mother announces that these are absolutely the last buckwheat lakes we will get until next winter.” ready and go out?" "But. you see. getting ready to go out is a continuous performance with her.” investment Cbtcngo luay send a tenui of liurlers to Ireland this year. Zbysco and Ilackenachiuldt ma.v wrv' tle in London during coronal ion v. t't’ic In J nut. ’’■teller I’d Welsh of tlie White Sox is firmly <»f the opinion that the spb ball delivery has vuiue to stay. Fitts! u:e end Onn h.i will l:o’d ♦’» ’ nmmal < > iv < miri tenuis .• * » 1 mi altvr.irJe ye: ra. Oimihi v. Ill r.*»i 1 Hie events »» ’ l b nr»» < f :i n *(’ ' < t' I • venr. <’U| s vi1' b.* ri’«en ind'vide..!I r.iitl two i.ian team viiri.’. .4. Sc-rctaiy of Stale Knox Is un expert pool player. Lewis Nixon, till* si ipliuild.-r. gradu •x DVJÍCA5 /*. SMiTH ated at tile United Stu s Naval it il- emy in is s? at tlie li ■ nl *>f lii-* class. (■(■•un -<i I.-:.1 Julius Kalm of Califor PERT PARAGRAPHS. nia v a•: f..*-.ai r y .-¡n m t- r with t’.noth. j >EOI'I.E who sing liecnuse they want JeTcrsou. S- li ini. Clara Morris and to are poiveiful factors in culti 01 tier w. it hi-.o vii stars. Wi'.iiitu Henry Goodyear, « mali.r of vating self restraint in their he.ireis. tile l'ino Arts mi: -11111 of B.-ooklyu. Is a son of Clitirles ito( dye.’ir. tlie famous Some |>eo|ile are so exceedingly moi Bl it makes you want to be bad just to inventor of vulcanized rubber. William llulile Ward, earl of Dudley, even things up. plans to lenve Australia in .In1;, ami He ' : ; triti ad A man with a grouch Is a sort of self return to England I extensively. Iiiivim- 1 '. Ited oi, . y ( 1111- propelling wet blanket. try of note in tin- woi id. Opportunity laughs at some of us TlK-t’.ias 1“. Core tin- bliml senator and plays tag with others. fl’iil I I lid.’-lioma. Io t Ilfs L-f« eye liv an iiedd.-at at tin- nge i.f ei;.llt i ni! lost The num who knows enough to keep tlie is lit eye by an orron fanti r still Inis the lest of us guessing. crossi,ow lit tlie age ef eleven. Coimt <'olirmi de Buissert. minister Don't give advice for fear you may from Itelirlnin Io tin- l ulled Stales, lias be called upon later to minister to the li’.-en appointed Belgian minister to victims. Bussili, lie will bo replaced in Wash ingtoli by F. Hai enitli. now nilr.isior A girl's idea of a hero is a man witll to Persia ami formerly ly eor’pîelor of long eyelashes and a curly black mus tin- F.eigium legation .-it Washington. tactie John B. lleresimlT. America's most famous yield designer, is totally blind. I.uck is a good thing to have, but He lost ids eyesight when lie was only you ure lucky if you cun hitch up with fourteen years old. All tlie yuclits It. which lie Ims built, including tin- suc cessful American cup defenders, have One way to discourage gossip is to I hm - u designed by tlie "feel of the keep on good terms, but not too good, fingers.” with your neighbors. ■ ■ | | ail t f l /i a! n* . and hap^nii’.’ a» <1 should Iw? in every horn-* in litt. Vf ili I y . I ' ' two pap-rs ¿fiakr’ a ?plerd;J combin<Jj<»n ar d you < an I I" .'>d»r .; your ’ul»M.rip tionx to ilu Ban h-' Re order. We can also give our i»jh<cr;b-r« a good clubbts? of- (er for tlv Daily and Surd.iy, « r Sundr JniKnal in <■ onn'-- '■ >n v. r. th'- ' e-, , y Bandon Recorder. A j .4 ■ I I 3. W. Chariesworih Opposite tirami i heatre MrwasawtMMy i