Humor and
Plülosophy
.
■x »VACAJV M. SMITH
_ __ __ __ __ _
i
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
w HEN a man learus to understand
why a woman will change the
furniture about s<> that a fellow never
knows whether he is to be comforta
ble or to stand on his head in a cor
ner, theu, and not till then, woman can
be expected to understand baseball.
Funny that the girl a woman picks
for a daughter-in-law never comes
within u thousand miles of l»eing the
one her sun chooses for a wife
Nothing is more exasperating when
you are having a well substantiated
fit of double refined worry than to
have your friends come round and
speak to you in soothing tones as they
advise you not to.
D<»ctors never take their own medi
cine. and wpqien never wear the kind
of things they pick out for their
friends
Some people sit around waiting for
something to turn up until death turns
them down.
The wise woman knows that the
poor mau who can earn a living is ir
much safer Investment matrimonially
than the rich man who can only use a
living.
The man who cares nothing for base
ball *s regarded by his acquaintances
as a fit subject *or women’s society.
Life.
Life is such a tangled skein
Any’ way it conies across,
Partly’ pleasure, partly pain.
Sometimes gain and sometimes loss!
How the fates their victims toss
Hither, thither, everywhere!
Lines are tangled, wires cross.
And there’s music in the air.
Rising from his downy cot,
Man essays to mighty deeds.
He will clear his corner lot
From the tangles and the weeds.
Fate his effort llttlo heeds
As he struggles with the task,
And it’s seldom he succeeds
If a friend should pause to ask.
Plans are very quickly made,
But to put them In effect
Takes an expert at the trade
If on shoals they, be not wrecked,
And the best he may expect
As the stars begin to peep
Is that he may then connect
With a place to eat and sleep.
But it is not all a Jolt.
There are Joys along the w?.y.
He may frolic like a colt
Tearing at a bale of hay.
There are seasons to be gay
If he will adopt that style
And insist that, come whaft may.
He will not forget to smile.
Treasures.
•Mj wife makes her own dresses.”
“My wife trims her own hats.”
“My wife blacks my shoes every
morning.”
"My wife blacks my eye occasion
ally.”
“You win. Here’s your cigar.”
’
liîüû ths f ?. yik :
A
"JETTIR
WHiAT" CAMPAIGN.
Whin given us soon as tiieermpv
Tlu* Oklahoma AuWculturui Col
Indians Found an Exciting Uso For the lege. e<» operating With the Bock In Cough appe irs Chamberlain’s C<mgli
land Hues covering the state, has in- Remedy will ward oil an anaek til
Cooking Utensil*.
The Indl iir however averse IIP nun umuruted a “better w heat” campaign, croup and prevents all danger
be Io any k ml ol useful lain I . Is mil mnl the general features of the project
I’hou-i uni
slow to avail himself of a new source are so practical anil sensible that they cause of anxiety.
of h uiiisetiieui
This wins show n some are worth summarizing for the lienetlt mothers use it successfully,
yenrs ago when miiimg lhe supplies of all northern and western states by C. V. Lowe.
sent hi the government to a eerliiJi where any serious attempt is made at
agency in the west were several hun growing tills great cereal staple, it Is
dred large trying pans with lung limi estimated that Oklahoma’s output ol
wheat this year -totaling 21.lkW.UIM
dies
We are Agents for the
These the Indian agent found In bushels represents n loss to :lie vvlieat
growers of the state of i .'In«1.1 >iHI. (file
i stock when tie took possession, mid nt
the end of the veil', the number h id solely ;.i th- use of lal.xid aiul mongrel
not been diminished. Thinking that s ■> <1 ia:.t ¡ ill. Alilioiigli tins mongrel
perhaps lie had not discharged Lis wheat lias I e -u plump mid heavy Ibis
whole duty in the matter of supplying I year, it | !•> sent . stull ilitli- uities in
I'ni-le Sain's wards w ith tin sc culinary milling that It brings from 5 to 2'>
utensils, the agent begmi making spe cents per bushel less than the pure
Turkey Rid wh.it. wlilili is accept
cial efforts
ed us the standard in the state.
use them.
At first it was bard work. Imt by the It costs 'ui more to raise th ■ pure
time in- Il id given out about two dozen brixl wheat; ill fact, the yield is usual
there eme a sudden change
Not n ly la: r and the price always higher
dn.v passed n wlileli the agent did not The I'limptilgn n fern d to is being car
have a ppi lea tions for at least a dozen, ried out in a comprehensive manner.
and some days lie ilisposisl of twice Jt is to include not only u special train
If you are contemn’Ming
to run over the lines mentioned, bear
ili.it number.
Wlieu the supply was nearly ex ing experts to give demonstrations mul
buying a Piano, give us
hausted lie noticed among the appli le.allies. but the newspupers of the
cants some to whom lie had previeus- state are publishing articles on bet
a call. It costs you n
l.v given pans, mid naturally enough lie ter wheat glowing. Posters outlining
became a trille curious to know what the cunipai» ii have been put on dis
ing to examine them
use they were making of them. He play in p 'stoUices. depots, exhibit
que-tiiined several of the men to no building- nud ether |.ului< places. Not I
purpose, but at length a young buck only this, I ut experts have been sent
more communicative than the rest gave out to find pure sted wheat anil lists
him to understand that If he would will be compiled giving addresses of
visit a certain part of the reservation those who will have good seed wheat
not far away lie would find Ills in for sale. Grain deniers and millers'
I'.ssiiciiitiiiu-'. commercial clubs, bank
quiry answered.
The next day. therefore, the agent ers and I sine s men are nil lending
rodé out in the direction Indicated, a Land in (he g >d work, mid with
About two miles from the agency he them will < o-ope'.ate the l".,000 odd
noticed on the crest of a narrow spur b >.v . l'leiubers of lhe agricultural clubs,
of the mountain three or four Indians who have lit-.at furuiihed with good
who suddenly disappeared on tile op seed wheat literature. & hoolleachers
posite side of the ridge. At the same have been enlisted ill the work and
tiirn- lie heard faintly the cry of many have been urged to ask their pupils
voices.
to bring samples of wheat to school
On turning the point of the ridge he and study them so they may b.-come
saw a crowd of several hundred In acquainted with the characteristic* of M. G. POHL, Optometerist
dians who were shouting as R greatly choice wheat mid stir their futliei up
excited
He noticed also several ob to get pule seed. As in many ether
jects. which he at first supposed to be lines of agriculture, whether it be
bowlders, descending the side of the wheat, corn, cotton, potatoes or what
mountain toward them with tremen not, the measure of prosperity to be
dous rapidity.
found in a community depend; upon
Instead of fleeing frbni these moving the success with which its staple prod 2d, 3H and 4th Saturdays at
objects the Indians simply applauded ucts are grown, hence nil nr.- directly Hotel Gallier, Bandon, Ore.
and shouted Soon lie saw other ob or indirectly interested in a real way.
jects like the first descending, and in a
short time the whole situation was
NOT WORTH THE CANDLE.
pltUii to him.
The tendency mentioned in these
Having ‘elected a long, smooth slope
O regon
of the mountain where there were no notes some little time ago of an over BANDON
stones, the Indians hud converted it taxing of immature girls in school as
Druggist und Apothecary
into a sort of earthen toboggan slide a result of too much study and too
and were utilizing the frying pans as little recreation and exercise was
Is just in receipt of a now stock of
toboggans. Seating themselves In the brought to our notice the other day.
A
fine
little
lady
of
sixteen
had
taken
pans, they grasped the bandies with
Drugs and Chemicals, Patent and
both hands; then, crossing their legs an auto trip from a nearby town, yet Propiietary Preparations, Toilet Ar-
over their arms, they went spinning notwithstanding the trip was in the tides. Drug Sundries, Perfumes,
down the slide with great rapidity. nature of an outing she was tn a hur Brushes, Sponges, Soap, Nuts anti
The agent let them have the few pans ry to get back so that she could study
Candies, Cigars. Tobaccos and Cig
that remained in the storehouse, but two hours that night. On inquiry we
Paints, Oils, Glass
did not order a now supply.—Harper’s found it to be the old. old story of arettes,
two bright, intelligent gills, lu the Painter's Supplies.
Weekly.
same ciass and of ab >ut the same age,
who stood neck and neck in their
Advantage of the Crinoline.
“The crinoline.” says Lady Dorothy grades, each being possessed with the
Nevill in her reminiscences, “was an desire fii excel the other. When we
odious, hideous and dangerous affair. asked the girl In question if her
On one occasion I was as nearly as brother ever brought bis books home
possible burned to death owing to one to study she replied, “Yes, but that is
I was wearing catching fire, and bail all it amounts to, for he seldom opens
I not had the presence of mind to lie them.” Tills in a nutshell explains
down and roll myself in a rug I the difference between boys and gills,
Semi-Weekly Oregon Journal, one
should certainly have been burned to and It Is a fai t that thoughtful parents
year_____ _______ ..
. _____ $1.50
death. Even at the time when crino ought to take into nc-i unt. However,
Semi - Weekly Bandon Recorder
lines were in fashion it was generally In nil too many instances parents are
admitted that they were monstrous shortsiglited and, instead of discourag
one year
things, though some women defended ing overstudy on the part of their am
bitious
daughters,
take
a
keen
interest
them. One of those, a silly woman,
having archly remarked that if crino In their study rivalry mid encourage
lines had no other advantage they at and urge them on to still greater ef
least kept men at a distance, added, fort. Sometimes her constitution is
■That at least you will admit is a strong enough so that the Immature
girl finishes her high school and per
great blessing.’
haps n college course, but nt the end
’To the men.' growled an old bach
of that time she is all too often done
elor who was present.”
The Semi-Weekly
for a wreck physically and spent
nervously, when these powers should
A Mean Trick.
have been so guarded that she would
Being anxious as to his prospects in be strong and vigorous and able to
one of his early attempts to enter par meet the duties mid responsibllltes of
Publishes lhe latest and most complete tele
I la meut. Herbert Samuel consulted his living, Instead of being a broken down,
graphic news of the world; gives reliable
agent, who said the chances were not miserable invalid. The pupil herself
market reports, as it is published at Portland
rosy, because he was a “carpetbag should try to look this situation
where the market news can be and is cor
ger.”
squarely in the face, and if she does
rected Io date lot each issue.
It also has a
Mr. Samuel thereupon promised to not | h »-,.- i -s that maturity of judgment
i
page oi special matter f »r the farm and
live in the division if he were success which will enable her to take the right
home, an interesting story page and a page
ful. and bills were immediately posted course she should be assisted by both
or more of comic each week, and it gin’s to
that "if Herbert Samuel is returned parents and teachers. This wanton
the subscriber twice each week---104 times a
next Tuesday he will come to live sacrifice of health and vital force to
here."
year.
secure grades that will only adorn the
Some of the other side, however, pages of musty school records Is a
posted one of these bills on a pigsty.
travesty on education and an insult
Mr. Samuel did not win the election to the Giver of life. It Is a species
The Semi-Weekly
—London Telegraph.
of rivalry in which the sacrifice «•li
tailed is too great and in which the
Taking His Medicine.
game is not worth the caudle.
He found his hair was leaving tile
Gives all th* local news and happenings and
top of his bead and took his barber to
CAROB TREE FOR CALIFORNIA.
should be in every home in this vn inity. The
task about it.
Bulletin No. iso of the United States
"You sold me two bottles of stuff to
two papers make a splendid combination and
department, written by the director of
make this hair grow.”
you can save $ I by sending ycur subscrip
i
the
Jeu
Isa
agricultural
experiment
"It is very strange It won't grow
tions to I he Bandon Recorder. We can
again.” Interrupted the ba riser. "I station at Haifa. Palestine, i ontalns in
also give <au subs, nl>er- a good clubbing of
teresting
descriptions
of
n
number
of
can't understand it.”
fer for the Daily ami Sui day, or Sunday
plants
native
to
Palestine
which,
it
is
"Weil, look here." said the man. ”1
J >urnal in connection with the Semi-Weekly
don’t mind drinking another bottle, believed, might Ire valuable if intro
Bandon Recorder.
but this must be the lust.”—Wesleyan duced in sei tions of California, where
lhe climatic conditions are similar.
Christian Advocate.
Among tliese is a legume, the carob
tree (incidentally ft was podn of this
Great Prospect*.
tree tliut the prodigal Ron Would fain
60 YEAR9-
"I’m nt the end of my rope! Every
have filled hi* belly with when he was
EXPERIENCE
resource I have Is gone, und I’m broke
In a far country after he had wasted
at last."
bls substance In riotous living.) When
“Have you borrowed all you can?"
twenty-five years old this tree is said
"Borrowed? No; I haven’t tried
to produce as high a yield as 8.001»
that."
jioiiiids of pods annually, while an acre
“And you say yon are at the end of •f the tree will yield a far greater
your rope. Why. man, you haven’t amount of nutriment than an acre of
TnatiE M arku
even started'”—Toledo Blade
DeaiGNS
the most thrifty alfalfa. These jxrds
I
CoevniGHTb Ac.
Anyone •ending » wkefrh and dewrlnti« n may
contain 40 per cent of sugar and about
quickly awerijuii our opinion frao wbMher '«
Wanted Particular*.
8 per cent of protein and are highly re
intention ta probably tmlentabh» < «»turn tin if*.
Motortou Senior—You kept the car out garded as a food for stock.
lH.na•»ri<<It' -iifldmttlal. |'fl NO BOOK on Patent«
• p i « free.
aaonry for neeuriiqr pareti' i.
rather late last evening. Ron
IVhst
Putenia taBan tnronrh Munn t < u.
without ein.rye, lutue
delay«! you? Motorton Junior—Had a
blowout, dead. Motortou Senior— H'm
Tire or roadhouse?—Puck.
A handBomelr IIInMrated weekly. |«arreat r»r-
THE HARDWARE MAN
BRIDGE A BF.ACII Stover, Ranges and 1 leaders have in them so many exvelleiui.-r
that they are now acknowledged lhe greater! seller« on llie coast and ill-y are growing
and alfice necessities, and prices range exceedingly mode.! in either case.
TINNING AND PLUMBING A SPECIALTY
Our Issurliiieut ui Hardware, Huw are auJ I Jgesl Tools I« Must Ci ninleie
Famous
Baldwin
Pianos
S am S a \:
These cold damp wind
4Í¡
kept out By our No. I Rustic and
O. G. Batten:
Prices $250 and up
Easy Terms
BANDON DRUB CO
GEO. W. MOORE LUMBER CO
Clarence )
A Great
Clubbing Offer
East and Commodious
S. S. BREAKWATER
Oregon .Journal
"I ain’t your good man.”
“My bad map. theu.”
“Say, If you waut to find out any
thing from me call me Bill.”
Confirmed Hie Judgment.
After listening to her steady prat
tle for a solid hour the man finally
managed to get in a word.
"Were you educated in a deaf and
dumb school?” he asked.
“Of course not.”
“I just wauted to know.”
Wanted the Same Terms.
“How do you like my suit?”
“Is it paid for?’
“No.”
"I like it. Give me the address of
the tailor. I want one.”
Its Busy Night.
“Going to the oyster supper?”
“It has been postponed.”
“For what reason?"
“Tl* oyster we intended to borrow
is in use for the night.”
Deliberation.
We study tor a week or more
About a thing on .band.
We turn and twist It o'er and o’er
The nub to understand;
We chase It up and down the lot.
Then make the wrung choice like as not
Had a Preference.
“Are you fond of flattery?'
"Fla ttery ?'
“Yes.”
"Only of the kind that is neTer un
masked”
Might Crack Them.
"People who live in glass houses’’—
"Have to be careful alxrut overheat
ing the'*"
We have the exclusive agency in Bandon lor these household
in favor every year.
Bandon Recorder
I
Scientific JliiKricait.
it is better to live rich than to die
rich.—Johnson.
niatio'i of any •«■«enuue >>««r»tal 'I erm*. '« . a
I.r : f .ur nioiitua, |L KuUbjai. lewM'D-wiifTn
JIUNN &Co,3e,B,M-w” New Yorks
braoeb
«X k> H*. WMblu<ton. D. C.
Leaves Portland (Ainsworth Dock) K p. tn. every Tuesday.
nfirm Sailing» Through C, M. SPENCER, Agent Bandon
SaS. ELIZABETH
NEW STATE-ROOMS INSTAI ! El
EigAr
!
Day Service Between the Coquille River and
San Francisco
$7.50
First: Class Passenger Fare,
Frei gilt Rates,
-
$3 on Up Freight
J.
f Jx E.
E.
WA-LSTBOM, Agent. Bamioti, Oregon,
T. Ksuxr, owners and managers, 24 Calli.uni» St., San I ran<:i*-o,
— ------------------------------------------------------------------------
If . you w»li a bottlecolti -•
‘( .dll at the F-agk,
Ui you love the goodt^bat • old--
Call al the Eagle.
no uae to sit and blink
If you really need a drink,
Juat make a sign or ring a bell.
And you bet they’ll treat yon righi
Down al the Eagle
Alvi n Munck, Prop.
BANDON, OREGON
i :\ mion
Harness Shop
Full line of Harness, Sad
dles, Bridles, Halters,
Blankets anil everything
usually kept in a first*
class harness shop.
Repairing a Specialty
W. J. SABIN, Prop.