5! BILL *«!: th. Kt, > two nsterj I iglni I Us and I vith ir- I I peed. I in cor- I 1 what- I d. Un- I ilanche I Iwayis I of or- I a plain I itli and ride be- *<*ursin io snow >f from I cleared j y large J make m ling for in com- orld for if these uffeiing ften ex- stablish couriers i are in s, as in Blanche ikelv to ves are t, broad used by is only nail-car- >ed with strip of »nd two ¡rm sup- is splen- jn snow- ie at the and run evel be­ am con- t daring re found e Kocky icir t«kill yyelr— lined by er to me ;o vol un­ duty of d passes ¡patch. ;count of de of its >ld iron rhich re­ in their nereused bt of the . It ra­ th simi- jo, when ivocated growth, the foot Ding-rod vines ro­ of beans with up- aw more k It was Ih of the t of the & in set- »into the e benefit > mellow ¡es of old n horse- c., could without roughly, e roots, no bene- ild be to nothing- lelf, per­ need of* olerable :te. On ig ones iv unde- s whose rial and if not in tit tost r to live iff, the r WOllld oncer» upstioi les that »jncts ¡ally b a large lost all 'hese he 15 each, a cma ¡hi ho* i raised in any irerafe i killed Mirth Ü worth n very ford it. Uff Ml - NYE’S BARBER. pinchinq ^ parsimony . Misfortune Knoount«r«d In an Attempt tn Have Hie Oue Hair Trimmed. Why It Looks Out of Plaoe 1« Then Day« of General Fr«»»perity. To-day I got shaved nt a barber-shop, where 1 begged the operator to kill ute and put me out of my misery. I have been accustomed to gentle care and thoughtfulness at home, aud my barber hamlles me with the utmost tenderucss. I was. therefore, poorly prepared to meet the man who this morning tilled my soul with woe. I know that I have not deserved this, for while others have berated the poor barlwr and swore about his bad breath and never-ending clatter and his gen­ eral heartlessness, I have never said any tiling that was not tilled wlthehik*.. li';e trust and hearty good-will towards him. I have called the attention of the public to tile fact that sonietilnes cus­ tomers had bad breath and were rest­ less and mean, while being operated on, and then when they are all lixed up nicely they put their hats on and light a cigar and hold up their linger to tho weary barber and tell him thut they will see him more subsequently. Now, however, I feel differently. This barber, no doubt, ' had never heard of me. He thought I was an ordinary plug who didn’t know any thing about luxury. I shall mark a copy of this papet and semi it to him. Then while he is reading it I will stop up behind hiti with a pick handle aud kill him. a want him to bo reading this when I kill him, because it will assist the cor­ oner in arriving at the immediate cause of his death. The first whiff I took of this man’s breath 1 knew that ho was rum’t maniac. Ho had the Jim James in nn advanced stage. Now, I don’t object to be­ ing shaved by a barber who is socially drunk, but when the mad glitter of the maniac is in his eye and when I can see that he is debating the ques­ tion of whether he will cut my head off and let it drop over the back of th« chair or choke me to death with a leather brush, it makes me nervous and fidgetty. He honed his razor on his breath, in fact. This man made up his mind threo times that he would kill me, and some one came in just in time to save me. His chair was near the window, and there was a hole in the blind, so that when he was shaving the off side of my face ho would turn my head up in such a position that I could look up into the middle of the sun. My attention had never before been called to the appearance of the sun as it looked to the naked eye, and I was a good deal surprised. The more I looked into the center of the groat orb of day the more I was filled with wonder at the might and power that could create it. I began to pine for death immediately, so that I conld be far away among the heavenly bodies, and in a land where no barber with the delirium triangles can ever enter. The barber held my head down so that the sun could shine into my dark- iened understanding, until I felt that ■iy brain had molted and was floating «round and washing about in my skull like warm butter. I His hand was very unsteady, too. I lost faith in him on the start, when he ■ut off a mole under my chin and threw |t in the cuspidore. I did not care «specially for the mole, and did not Bleed it much, but at the siuno time I Bad not decided to take it off till the Breather got warmer. In tact, I had ■Torn it so long that I had beeom at­ tached to it. It had also become at­ tached to me. This is why 1 could not restrain my tears wiien the barber cut It off, and then stepped back to the Other end of the room to see how I looked without it.— Bill Nye al largt, in N. Y. World. It is well and right to be economical, for economy is at the base of saving and comfort and independence. Many a housewife has wasted the substance of her husoand’s earnings, and many another one has been the means of enabling him, perhaps forcing 1dm, to lay up something for a rainy day. The pride of the thrifty housewife who boasts that nothing is lost under her administration of domestic expendi­ ture and consumption, is familiar to all. Every scrap and shred is utilized by her, and she rivals the inventiveness of manufacturers in converting wastes into serviceable use. Poor, hard-work­ ing men owe it to their wives’ economy that their little homes are their own; while others struggle along hopelessly in the effort to get a home, against the extravagance of their wives. But economy is not pinching parsi­ mony. Make no mistake about this. The good housewife who is doing her best to make both ends meet, and, if possible, to savo a little, out of her hos- band’s earnings, is not to be confounded with the one who is endeavoring to pinch something out of the existence of her family and herself. The one will kcephei family well, but will not waste; the other will try to prevent goodness from going into life. An old man worth $50,000 was de­ clining in weakness to the, grave and had been ordered by his physician to take a little wine. “This is rich living for me,” he said, regretfully, as he was sipping the wine and eating a cracker; and he made sure that not a drop re­ mained in the glass, to be lost. Here was an economical spirit turned into parsimony; and a life that had been in­ dustrious and useful, was no doubt pre­ maturely ended by its pinching charac­ ter. Savings made at tho expense of starv­ ing the body and mind are too dearly bought. They may be of service to children and their posterity, but the sacrifice that creates them has no dr fense. There was a time when parsimony did not look as bad as it now does. It had almost an excuse in a day of scarcity ami poverty, of high prices and small earnings. But the people who need to resort to absolute parsimony nowadays are few, and those people are usually the most wasteful and, con­ sidering their means, the most extrav­ agant. The day of comfort and luxury has come to most people who will avail themselves of it. A pinched-up existence is hardly an apology for keeping soul and body to­ gether, and a person who pinches his body and soul not only acts like a tres­ passer upon the domain of life, but by his conduct endeavors to make himself a trespasser. — Good Housekeeping. I —“Oi say, Mike!” “Phwat?” "Where pe’s ye wurrukin’P” "Not wurrukin’ kt ali. I be's conductohr on a dilirt tart. Where he’s ye wurrukin’ F” •‘Not wurrukin’ at all. I be’s super- ^ntendhent of a brick elevatohr at the ¡tew hotel.”— Drift. —“Poor fellow!” said a bystander, looking compassionately at a poor Irishman whose leg had been mangled y a street car, “It will have to be raputated.” “Amputated, is it?” ex- laiined the Irishman, scornfully, “it’ll eut olH”— Texa» Siftings. —A tew mornings since at breakfast, n a rich Clifton home, a little tot para- yzed his maternal progenitor by ex- laiming: "Mammn, I love you better nn I love oatmeal.” “Do you love bat much, dear?” was the tender re­ minder. “Well, I aiu’t stuck on it"— 'incinnali TcUarnm He who’s coy when Fortune’s kind, ay after seek and never find.” Only, a month ago Geo. A. Clarke, lored, the winner of «6,000 in the rawing of The Louisiana State Lot- ry on the 13th ult., was makingLoth nds meet on the small salary of «40 r month. His good fortune was the ult of one of those ‘ dreams” so often ad about, but whuh, he states, really irompted him to purchase one-twen- eth of ticket No. 8,180, which drew he seeond capital prixe of «100,000 He now has a comfortable home which he purchased but a few days after th* receipt of the money, which he re­ ceived by return post sfler placing same forc< Uvction through the Merch ants National Bank. He invested «1,500 in liis new home, and says h< ^ohis wife can now enj >y the com forts of life by careful investment of his surplus funds. A similar instance is that of Mr John McDermott, who was the othe> lucky holder. He is an employe at Ryan’s Mill, and was formerly th« recipient of a small bounty, only ss • sustenance. He held another twen­ tieth of the same tick» t, No. 8,180, and awoke one morning to find himself great, but rich. He is carefull.' resting his prize, and »ays that ht 11 use it as a nucleus to a large irr me. The thousand» of dollars that thir itution has circui ted since ite animation has lessened the burden* many in needy circumstances. I true that people already possessed nieans have been lucky holders, hut one will note that the winner* ones to whom the good fortun< aa an Arabian night dream.— rg (Mias.) HeraU, Jan. 4 PEARL OYSTERS. The Manner lu Which They Produce Their Recondite Treasure«. The business of getting pearls out of oysters is a tolerably disagreeable one The oysters are thrown into large vessels and left to die, when the shells open of their own accord. The shellt are then removed, but the oysters themselves are left in buckets until they are decomposed, when they are well stirred. The pearls sink to the bottom, and the remainder is poured off. It may be readily inferred that the odor in the camp of pearl-seekers is more powerful than pleasant. The pearl had its origin in the efforts of the oyster to protect itself from the irritation caused by the presence of some foreign body between the shell and its mantle, as the soft skin of the oyster is technically termed. To miti­ gate the suffering caused by this vexa­ tious intruder, the oyster deposits thereon a coating of the same material as that of which the shell is composed, and when once this process has begun it continues till in time the pearl grows large enough to kill the oyster. To fanciful minds of Oriental nations no such crude explanation has ever occurred, and they still attribute to j>ear’s much more poetic origin. The oysters, they say, rise by night to the surface of the water, and opening their shells receive therein a single drop of dew. This in time becomes a pearl, and if the dew has been pure and clear the pearl will be a beautiful one; but if the drop of dew has been soiled with impurities then the pearl will be opaque and of no value. Linnseus, ths “faUierot naturalists,” received the honor of knighthood for demonstrating the possibility of artifi­ cially inducing the formation of pearls in the pearl-bearing mussel. But, as has been the case with other European inventions of which we have thought a good deal, it has since turned out that John Chinaman has been doing this thing for a couple of thousand years or so. The Chinese method is to take the mussel from the river, carefully force the shells a little way apart, and iugert between the mantle of the oys­ ter and one of the shells a few little ¡h llets of clay, tiny pearls nr foreign bodies of some kind. When this has been done, the oyster is turned over, and the poor fellow is obliged to sub­ mit to a similar uncomfortable process on his other side. He is then put back into a pond, where he is kept well and fat by a diet more nourishing than nice. After a few months, or sometimes a year nr two, ha is again taken from Ills bed, his pearls are taken out and be ia eaten,— Cor. Boston Herald. Exact Weight of a Fly. JameA Spencer, a Chattanooga gr*— cer, being greatly troubled by fl.es, pul twenty-one sheet» of sticky fly-papet about his store. In the evening be gathered them up, and noticed how mnch heavier they were, being covered with flip*. He weighed the twenty-one sheets and found they weighed seven pound* Then he put twenty-one fresh sheets on the scales and they weighed four pounds four ounce* Thus the flies weighed two pounds twe ve ounce* He found that there were twenty flies to each square inch of the fly-paper; each sheet had 3M square inches and 6.720 flies, «nd the twenty-one sheets bad 141.ISO flic* Thns one may ascer­ tain the weight of a fly; for if 141.ISO flies weigh two pounds twelve ounces, it’s easy to calculate what one wiU weigh. — CAeoffe Acwa The (treat Orloff diamond, which «ur Over 2<0 corpse« have been recovered mounts the Ruoeian imperial sceptre, is trona avalanche, which have recently oc­ the flret in else and third in value in the curred in the Italian Alpe. paper In Deadwood. world. It once formed the eye of an ido' It was along in the ’70s some time, in a temple near SerinRham, India, and THE C0BR1CT TIME. stolen by a French adventurer. It soon after the late Barney Caulfield was There are very few ineu who do not weighs IB’ carat» aud U valued at J!,- pride themselves on always having the left Chicago and settled at Deadwood, 3UP.U0. _________ correct time; and wvnderful and deli-ate that he purchased a newspaper outfit mechanisms are devised to enable them to A BKPBIEVE FOB THE CONDEMNED for the latter place. It happened like Wretched men and women lung condemned do so. But the more delicate a chronom this: A young man named Blakely, to .ulfer the torture» of dyspep»i4, m uiled eter is made, the more subject it becomes who had picked through the shell and with new hope after a few dose» ot Hostel tor's to derangement, and unless it be kept al wm perfectly clean, it soon loses ite use­ been successfully hatched from an Stomach Bitter». This budding hope bkxaoms fulness. What wonder, then, that th- into the fruition of ce* tainty, if tho Bitters u Eastern college a year or two before, human machine so much more delicate penisted in. It bring» a reprieve to all dj. and intricate than any work of Man - came out to Deadwood, t’.en the peptics who seek it» aid. r latulei.ee Ltulence , hverl. hwrt- should should to be kept thorough y rou best in ning camp in the country. burn, »hiking at the pit of th. stomach between cleansed. reiiuire The liver is the main-spring of meals, the nervous tremors and insomnia of He was somewhat acquainted with whioh chronic Indigestion is tho parent, dis­ this complex structure, and on the Impu- Caulfield, his father being an old friend appear with their hateful progenitor. Most riti s left in the blood by a disordered liver, beneficent of stomachics: who can wonder that most of the ills that flesh is heir of Barney. When young Blakely had in so inaay instances it awakens grateful elo­ depend to. Even consumptio (which is lung­ escaped from the college, dragging his quence in those who, benefited by it. speak scrofula). is traceable to the imperfect voluntarily in its behalf. It requires a graphic diploma behind him, he had, in his own pen to describe the torments of dyspepsia, but action of this organ. Kidney diseases, Is many of tlie testimonial* .-oeelved by the skin diseases, sick headache, heart disease, words* “embraced the profession oi proprietors of the Bitters, these are portrayed dropsy, and a 1 ng catalogue of grave mal­ journalism.” He looked around Dead­ with vivid truthfulness. Constipation, bilious­ adies have their origin in a torpid or siug- muscular debility, malarial fevers aud «ish liver. Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical wood a little and decided he saw a ness, rheumatism are relieved by it. 'iscovery, by establishing a healthy, great opening for a newspaper, not­ The government has declined to con­ normal a tion of the liver, acts as a cure withstanding there were already five and preventive of these diseases. tribute £5000 for an Arctic expedition as dailies in the field. Fearing another pr poi ed by the Au»tra ian government. Four teaspoonfuls are equal to one tabla­ man was going to get ahead of him in All the art and taste of the best »ttisU seem» to have I spoonful. the enterprise, he wished to instruct n been uumbined in the masaifleeut package of imp .rt« ,l , friend in Chicago who was a printer to Oleographic and (Jbruinatio Gard« which is beiug offered | Mliffht Cold* if neglected, often select an outfit for him, but had for­ by the well known firm of Viwning Brother«, of Pitta : attacks »he Lungs. "Brown's Bronchial I? procure these elegant frosted and satin fringed Troches" give immediate relief. gotten his address. Caulfield was in aarda, buy a box of Dr. 0. McLane s Celebrated Liver Chicago on a short business trip, so he Pills for 25 cent« from your diuggist anti mail the out­ wrapper with your address (plain y w itt*-n) and CONSUMPTION 8URELY CURRD wrote him to this effect: “Have de­ side four cents worth of stamps to Fleming Brothers. Pitt» Pa. You will be surprised and delighted with To the Editor‘ cided to put in a red-hot independent burgh, 1‘lease inform your readers that I have a poo- the beauty and variety of the cards you will receive. itive remedy for the above named disease. By paper here and rip the jack-leg lawyers Such its timely use thousands of hopeless cases have and guerrilla politicians both ways. February, Please see Clifford for me and tell him a thing will not occur again fur 2,..00,000 i send two bottle» of my remedy fkke to any of your readers who have consumption if they will to go ahead and select a seven-column years. send me their Express and P. 0. address. A Ml MOBY OF f AB4Z.^»AYA outfit about as I told him before 1 | x. A. SLOCUM. St. New Yore Bane of childhood ’ s tender years, came out. Will come on my self in a Swallowed oft with groans and tears, few days. ” Two and one-half teacupfuls of the best How it made the fl. ih recoil, A week later he arrived in Chicago brown sugar weigh one pound. Loathsome, greasy castor oil! Search your early memory close, and immediately hunted up Barney, Till you And another dose: $500 REWARD finding him in the office of a friend. All the shuddering frame revolts is offered, in good faith, by the manufac­ “Did you get my letter?” he anxious­ At the thought of E soin «alts! turers of Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy for Underneath the pill-box lid ly inquired. a case of catarrh which they cannot cure. Was a greater horror hid. It is mild, soothing and healing in its ef­ “Yes.” Climax of all inward ills. fects, and cures “cold in the head,” catir- “Did you see Clifford P” Huge and griping oM blue pills! rhal deafness, throat ailments and many “No, not yet” What a contrast to the mild and gentle other complications of this distressing action of Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Purgative disease. 50 cents, by druggists. “Ah, couldn’t find him?” Pellets, sugar-coated, easy to lake, c.eans- “Well, the fact is I haven’t looked. ing. recuperating, renovating the system The river and harbor bill this year will I suppose I caught your idea, did I not without wrenching it with agony. Sold appropriate not less than $20,(M 0,C00. —your intention is to start a red-hot by druggists. paper at Deadwood and go right in and Last year, in the cityof New York, build­ ’ H obbs L ittle V egetable P ills towei make it personal and interesting?” ings were erected costing over flci.ulO.UOO. above and are unlike any other remedy in the world. Price. 25 cents a vial. All “Yes, that’s it” druggists. DELICATE CHILDREN, NURSING “If you find the mayor doesn’t deal Mothers, Overworked Men. and for all diseases Write plainly on a postal card your name and post- a straight gar.xe of faro at his place where the tissues are wasting away from the office address, naming this papkr , and you will reoeive inability to digest ordinary food, or from over- 1 free a sample copy of the New York Illustrated News. you’ll give him Hail Columbia, eh?” work of the brain or body, all such should take Addrera, P O. Box 1403, New York City. “I shall anyhow—the keeper of a felcott’a E iuu I n I oii of Pure Cod Liver Oil with Hypophosphites. “I used the Emulsion gambling-house is not a fit man for on T ry G ermka for breakfast. a lady who was delicate, and threatened mayor.” with Bronchitis. It put her in such good health and flesh, that 1 must say Mouth» Nauwea, Sour CoateCBrH E-tablLbed. New Steel Tuning De­ vice, iii use In no other Piano, by which our Piano« stand in tune 20 >ears, good (<>r 100 ; not affected by climate. No wood to «pill, break, sw«il, shrink, crack, decay* or wear out ; we guarantee It. Ele­ gant Rosewood CaMR, 8 strings, double repealing action; finest ivory keys; the Famous ANTIMELL. Call or write for Catalogue, free. T. M. ANTI8KLL PIANO CO., Manufacturers, Odd Fellows’ Rail, Mar­ ket and Seventh Htreets, San Francis« o. m B PI A NI UUl J lllll Upon ths receipt of |l will furnish a recipe for making all kinds of metallic alloys; also, recipes for soaps, dyes, perfumes, fluid extracts, essences, liniments, ointments, salves, etc. In­ formation furnished on all kinds of chemical composition. Packages sent by mail or eipreas promptly attended to._______ The Van Monciscar dispensary . —Trouble about a certain young man caused Miss Laura Koget and Miss Fan­ nie Mathey to engage in a rough-and- tumble fight In front of the Catholio church at Frenchtown, near Corydon, Ind. They had been attending church service, but after the fight their apparel was much demoralized. BALSAM —••What is the price of that tear’ a avraaioa rbmsdy fo »________ she asked of the guile!*»"« grocer “One COUGHS. COLD*. IHCIFI1ST tOHSUMFTIOW dollar ’narf, marm," was the response. And .11 TbroM .nd Lun, Tronbte. kx S»rw««l«t« r.r ** <>■«•. “Iff not that too steep?” was the next question, and the (I. replied: “1 4. 0. CATES A CO., Hi arm, that’s what they do with 1L 4ns..„a'«t. MAM FBAMCIMC4» Boston Commercial Bulletin. PRINTERS* COMPOSITION Bltlons Headache, Dlzzl ne««, Co» Purgative Pelleta. 25 w h m fW^^WTvsr- M1 satisfaction in lb« cure of Gonorrhœa and Gleet. I prescribe II and feel «afe In recommend­ ing It to ail suffers»«. 1. J. »TOWER, B.D^ Decatur, III. PÏIIC1; RI.00. « Bold by Druggist* ’ QFFfiQ OLLUk# From MiqneajNih«. Minneeote, are th« beet, hecauwe they are earlier and the m<*t proflut tive. Take no other until you try them. Fur eal« by all leading dealpm on the < uaat throughout the country. Trade aupplied by WMTCOTT H ROT HF IW, Seed MereMnte, 41MI and I Franclaco. <'al. MEN’S FURNISHINC COODS, 232 Kearny St., San Francisco Iklrt, Underwear, luipendert, HODery, Glove,, Neckwear, Collar,. Cuflt, Etc. SHIRTS TO ORDER, 11. RRMT AID («RAPI PALMER A REY, Pristen' In ppi y H REWARD! Altas. St Fate. Mtea SICK HEADACHE, Harot vein <4 the brat cannel coal has been «track, and «even carload« which were twit on the market at Kan.a. City brouffht t want v-tour rents a buabeL The Seven Cuticura Boys These seven beautiful boys owe their bcauly of I Our little boh will be tour yean ot age on ths «kin,, luxuriance of hair, parity of blood, and i 25th Inst. In May, 1885, he wm attacked with a freedom from hereditary taint or humors of the skin ' very painful breaking out of the skin. Wo called in a physician, who treated him for about four or scalp to the celebrated C uticura R kmedibs . For elegising, purifying and beautifying tho skin I weeks. The child, received little or no good from of children and infants, and curing torturing, dis­ tho treatment, an the breaking out, supposed by figuring, itching, scaly and pimply diseases of the the physician to bo hives in an aggravated form skin, scalp and blood, with loss of hair, from in­ became larger in blotches and more and more dis­ fancy to old age, C uticuba , the great skin cure, tressing. We were frequently obliged to get up and C uticuba S oap , an exquisite skin beautifier, in the night and rub him with soda in water, prepared from it externally, and C uticura 1< e - strong liniments, etc. Finally, we galled oh er solvbnt , the new blood j arifler, internally, are physicians, until no less than six had attempted to infallible. cure Idin, all alike failing, and tho child steadily Tour most valuable C uticura R bmkdies have getting worse and worse, until sbont th* 20th of lost July, when we began to give him C uticuba done my child so much good that I feel like saying this for tho benefit of those who are troubled with H bsolvent internally, and the C uticuba and C u ­ skin disease. My little girl was troubled with ticuba S oap extc rnally, and by the last of August Eczema, and I tried several doctors aud medicines, ho was so nearly w 11 that we gave him only one out did not do her any good until I used Ju C uti - dose of the K bsolvbnt about every second day CUBA R emedies , which speedily cured hi r, foe for about ton days longjr, and he has never been . which I owe you many thanks and many nights of troubled since with tlie horrible malady. H. E. RYAN, Cayuga, IJvingston Co., III. ANTON BOSSIMER, Edinburg, Ind. rest. Subscribed and sworn to before me thh fourth The C uticura R emedies are in great demand. day of January, 1887. C. N. COE, J. P. The C uticura It « solvent sells better than any Sold everywhere. Price: C uticura , 50c.; S oap , other blood purifier. The C uticura S oap is Prejiared by tlie P ottum praised by my customers, especially mothers, who 25c.; R ksolvbnt , fl. say it is tho best for babies, preventing and curing D rug and C hemical C o ., Boston, Mass. Bend for “How to Cure Skin Diseases,” 64 iM-all head and similar diseases. pages, 60 illustrations, and 1(M) testimonialn. GEORGE UOBB8, 1». M , Collins, Texas. Nan»>me Street, Han