THE BULLETIN • WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2021 A7
GARDENING
DEAR ABBY
Write to Dear Abby online at dearabby.com
or by mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
Dear Abby: I am a first-
time mommy of a beautiful
2½-month-old little boy. I
should also mention that I’m
40 years old. My husband is
constantly asking for sex. I
mean, every day. I honestly
do not feel like having it. I’m
so worn out by the day-to-
day chores of being a wife
and motherhood that when
the baby goes to sleep, I go to
sleep immediately.
My husband refuses to
understand how exhausted
I am, and his constantly ask-
ing for sex makes me want
it even less. I try to reassure
him that it’s not him, because
he thinks he has done some-
thing wrong or that I’m not
attracted to him anymore.
But he also doesn’t help me
out much around here. So,
basically, I’m asking what can
I do?
— Touchy Subject in West Virginia
Dear Touchy: You and
your husband are overdue
for a frank talk. Sit him down
and explain EXACTLY what
you need from him. Tell him
you need his help so the en-
tire burden of taking care of
his home and his baby isn’t
entirely on your shoulders.
After you have finished do-
ing that, point out that if he
contributes to the household
tasks and baby duties, it will
take the pressure off you and
make it more likely that you
can relax and get in the mood
for something more pleasant.
Dear Abby: My son is in
an abusive marriage. He is
verbally, mentally and emo-
tionally abused by his wife
constantly. She does every-
thing she can to force him to
leave. She tells him it is her
house and she wants him to
go. They bought the house
together, and they both work
and pay the bills. He won’t
leave because he doesn’t want
to leave his kids. Is there any
kind of support for abused
men?
— Concerned Dad in N. Carolina
Dear Dad: There certainly
is, and I hope you will tell
your son to reach out for it.
No one should be harassed
the way your son is being, be-
cause the effects can be not
only devastating, but also
long-lasting. The National
Domestic Violence Hotline
(thehotline.org; 1-800-799-
7233) and Stop Abuse for Ev-
eryone (stopabuseforevery-
one.org) serve male victims
of abuse as well as female.
Urge him to contact one or
both of them.
Dear Abby: I have married
into a family that celebrates
birthdays of members who
have died. They are not ob-
serving the passing, but doing
full-fledged birthday events.
This is a practice I have never
before experienced, and most
of these people I have never
met. I don’t want to be disre-
spectful, but it seems really
odd, especially since many of
those people died years ago.
It’s becoming difficult to do
more than express my sym-
pathy for their loss. Is this
done by other families?
— Bewildered in Florida
Dear Bewildered: If there
is anything I have learned
in the course of writing this
column, as well as my own
journey through life, it is that
individuals, families and cul-
tures do not have identical
ways of grieving or honoring
their deceased loved ones.
While it may seem unusual
to you, this is the way they re-
member their loved ones.
Because this is your
spouse’s family, talk with him
about how to navigate this is-
sue without causing hurt feel-
ings. If you are uncomfortable
participating in these celebra-
tions, continue to be respect-
ful, but attend fewer of them.
YOUR HOROSCOPE
By Madalyn Aslan
Stars show the kind of day you’ll have
õ õ õ õ õ DYNAMIC | õ õ õ õ POSITIVE | õ õ õ AVERAGE | õ õ SO-SO | õ DIFFICULT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR WEDNESDAY, FEB. 3, 2021: Aesthet-
ic, detailed and a perfectionist, you9re brilliant at what you do. With your fine
sense of timing, this year you hang in there and pounce when the reality is
right. Your project is extremely successful and profitable, and it9s best to hire
a money manager. If single, you9re known to be commitment phobic, and
this year you find an unconventional and satisfying situation. If attached,
you9re together like glue. VIRGO adores you.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
õõõõõ You can enjoy a bit of escapism today. Metaphysical literature and
studies intrigue you. You also could be drawn to romantic adventures or espi-
onage thrillers. You will feel power and strength through being a bit discreet.
Tonight: Keep your mystery.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
õõõ Today brings a series of charming but eccentric people your way. Verify
information you9re given. There is an illusional quality to your perceptions of
others. Good or bad, they might not be accurate. Tonight: You become aware
of how important relationships are to you.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
õõõõõ Get organized; an orderly schedule and neatness enhance your
well-being and productivity. It is also an ideal time to implement new health
habits. You will feel an urge to be productive. Your job and projects bring
deep satisfaction. Tonight: Your horizons are widening.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
õõõõõ Today allows you to relax and enjoy simple pleasures. A new friend
is affectionate and caring. The fine arts brighten leisure hours. Attend an on-
line concert, play or an art show. A youthful and whimsical mood surrounds
you. Tonight: Let the good times roll on.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
õõõõõ You will be very generous with loved ones and lavish with purchas-
es for the home. A sense of humor makes all the difference if a social situation
is delicate. In-laws may voice surprising new ideas. Tonight: You attract love
and attention from family members.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
õõõõ Alert and alive, your mind relishes a challenge today. You9d enjoy
solving a riddle, playing a word game or learning something new. Some
associates will carry you forward with their warmth and enthusiasm. Tonight:
If you sense aggression, though, back away.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
õõõõõ Your financial situation is about to brighten considerably. Debts or
other drains on your resources diminish. You would be well paid if you seek
extra work. You will be able to make a fresh start financially. Tonight: Look at
repeating cycles where money is concerned.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
õõõõõ You feel the healing of old wounds and the opening of oppor-
tunities. Today favors an attitude of largesse. Elevate your standards and
expectations. This is the start of a whole new cycle of great growth. Tonight:
Clothing selected now will be beautiful and serviceable.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
õõõõõ There is an accent on psychology and mental health today. You
develop inner mental and emotional strength through being sensitive to
your own deepest drives. Dreams and psychic hunches are plentiful. Tonight:
Service to one who really needs it will be very satisfying.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
õõõõõ Your social life is bright and active today. You9ll be eager to get to
know an acquaintance better. A friendship propels you toward new aware-
ness and artistic expression. Accept and issue invitations. Tonight: Make or
buy gifts that suggest humor and a personal message.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
õõõõõ New love warms the cold days. The arts provide pleasure, espe-
cially dance. It9s an ideal time to select personal emblems and insignia. You9ll
give much consideration to your image and reputation. Today concludes
with a joyful euphoria. Tonight: Your manners carry you a long way.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
õõõõ You will try to share alternative ideas and knowledge to uplift others.
Foreign foods, customs and music delight you. You will find TV and radio
broadcasts informative and enjoyable. Take time to read seasonal literature
too. Tonight: You solve any transportation problems.
Attracting pollinators
Perennial plant of
the year has long-
lasting blooms
BY LIZ DOUVILLE
For The Bulletin
F
ebruary is a good month
to dedicate a small spiral
note pad, one that fits in
your purse or your pocket, to
start a plant shopping list. You
know my favorite saying: good
memory but short.
The Perennial Plant Asso-
ciation announced the 2021
Perennial Plant of the Year. It
is calamintha nepeta subsp.
nepeta, or the common name
of calamint, lesser calamint.
Calamint has two important
qualities that appeal to garden-
ers: bees and other pollinators
work the long-lasting bloom
period, plus the aromatic foli-
age is deer-resistant. One fact
sheet described the foliage as
being mint-scented, orega-
no-like foliage.
Calamint is rated as hardy. It
is probably less well-known in
our area due to its plant hardi-
ness rating of Zone 5. Prefer-
ence in plant selection for Cen-
tral Oregon is usually for up to
a Zone 4.
The blooms differ from the
blue tones of the more com-
mon walkers low catmint.
DeRuyter
Continued from A5
“I think defense is an evolu-
tion,” DeRuyter said. “First of
all, I was blessed to be at Cal the
last four years. I’m very thankful
to Coach Wilcox, the staff, the
student-athletes we had there.
We ran the Cal defense and it
was obviously a combination of
what coach Wilcox wanted to
run and what I believed in. I put
my flavor on it, but ultimately it
was the Cal defense.
“We’re going to run the Ore-
gon defense here. We are going
to figure out who our best 11
football players are, we’re going
to attempt to put them in a sim-
ple system that they can execute
as fast as they can.”
What was clear from DeRuy-
ter in why this opportunity was
the one to entice him was the
people, both in terms of the vol-
umes of talent he’ll get to work
with, arguably the best of his
career, as well as UO’s coaching
staff. DeRuyter worked with
Oregon running backs coach
Jim Mastro and inside line-
backers coach Ken Wilson at
Nevada and between his famil-
iarity with them and what they
said about working for Cris-
tobal, made Oregon the next
stop in his journey.
“How they spoke about
Coach Cristobal, the type of
program that he demands from
everybody that works for him,
the players that we’re going to
coach, the temperature that he
sets for everybody, I knew that
this place was a little bit dif-
ferent,” DeRuyter said. “Obvi-
ously being in college football,
Oregon’s one of those brands
that is known across the coun-
try. When you make calls to
coaches or recruits, they’re go-
ing to pick that phone up. They
want to be a part of something
that’s so special. With this com-
munity that supports it so well,
the administration that sup-
ports it so well, our boosters
that support it so well. You put
all that together with the famil-
iarity that I had with those guys,
it was too big of an opportunity
that I had to pass up.”
DeRuyter touched on what
Oregon’s defense will look like
schematically and some tenets
of his philosophy. Schematically
he’ll do some of the same things
from his days at Texas A&M,
where he coached Von Miller
during an All-America season,
and employ both three- and
four-down fronts to generate
pressure.
Playing fast and aggressive
are also clearly things DeRuyter
is keen on. He made repeated
references to a simple system as
far as communication and put-
ting players in position to “pin
their ears back” and attack.
Winter workouts are un-
derway. National signing day
is Wednesday. Then comes
spring practice, when DeRuy-
ter’s installation and evaluation
Calamint blooms with
plumes of tiny, tubular lilac to
white flowers. The perennial
needs full sun and soil that
has good drainage. The low
mounding or bushy habit is
ideal for the front of a border
or in rock gardens according to
the Perennial Plant Association.
The National Garden Bu-
reau has declared 2021 to be
The Year of the Monarda. Mo-
narda has a history of being
used as a medicinal herb.
The Oswego Indian tribe
used the plant to make an
herbal tea. They taught Amer-
ican settlers how to make it,
which came in handy following
the Boston Tea Party in 1773.
The settlers revolted against the
British tax on tea so the settlers
thumbed their noses at the tax
and drank monarda tea instead.
The native plant was named
for Nicholas Monardes, a phy-
sician from Seville. Monardes
conducted trade between Se-
ville and American, part of
which included receiving me-
dicinal plants. Monardes wrote
about his findings in the pub-
lication “Joyfull Newse out
of the Newe found World in
1577.” The plant was thought
to soothe stings and bites from
various insects resulting in the
common name of bee balm.
Monarda is cold hardy in
plant hardiness Zones 3 to 9,
plant in full sun with moderate
moisture. Monarda is consid-
ered a pollinator magnet. Each
one of the flower heads is a clus-
ter of long tubular, nectar-filled
blooms. The shape of the
bloom makes it easy for butter-
flies and hummingbirds to take
a drink. Magenta or red variet-
ies draw in the most pollinators
to the garden. Bloom time is
from mid-summer to fall.
Monarda is a member of the
mint family but it won’t take
over the garden. The foliage is
minty scented and unappeal-
ing to deer and rabbits. Some
monarda varieties are more
susceptible to powdery mildew
than others. Jacob Cline, also
spelled Kline, variety shows
excellent resistance to mildew.
Wide spacing between plants
is advised to promote good air
circulation to prevent powdery
mildew.
Most monarda are listed as a
growth height of 3 to 4 feet tall
and 2 to 3 feet wide. The height
and width of this size make
them valuable as the back of
a garden bed. Newer cultivars
grow 8 to 12 inches tall and 12
to 24 inches wide. Make sure
when you are shopping you are
aware of the mature size of the
variety.
Companion plants could
include oxeye daisy, blanket
flower and the native white
yarrow.
If you are a trendsetter, you
“We are going to figure out who our best 11 football players
are, we’re going to attempt to put them in a simple system
that they can execute as fast as they can.”
— Tim DeRuyter, Oregon Ducks defensive coordinator
process begins.
He believes in Cristobal’s
approach of the first-teamers
practicing against each other
regularly and emphasized tack-
ling and creating turnovers, two
areas Oregon struggled with
mightily last season.
“When you’re practicing and
you’re just running tag-off, you
never miss a tackle,” DeRuyter
said. “When you got to get a
guy on the ground, that’s when
it becomes real. I think we need
to do that this spring. We’ve got
to make a great emphasis on
teaching our guys how to tackle
safely and effectively.
File photo
Monarda is a member of the
mint family but it won’t take over
the garden. The foliage is minty
scented and unappealing to deer
and rabbits.
will be interested in the latest
announcement from Pantone
for the 2021 Colors of the Year.
The colors are Pantone 17-
5104 Ultimate Gray plus Pan-
tone 13-0647 Illuminating (a
vivid yellow). The color combi-
nation is intended to send the
message of strength and hope-
fulness that is both enduring
and uplifting.
The bright yellow flower
selections would be easy to
choose. The gray plant pallet
for us would be more limiting.
Dusty Miller, artemesia varieties
and Tanacetum come to mind.
Pantone’s Color of the Year
has influenced product devel-
opment in multiple industries
from home furnishings, fash-
ion and landscaping.
Keep your notepad handy,
we have lots to talk about in
the coming months.
e
Reporter: douville@bendbroadband.
com
“We’ve got to do a better job
I think this year of teaching our
guys how to attack the foot-
ball and take the football away.
There’s no more critical factor
in football than turnover mar-
gin and our job as a defense is
not to wait for a turnover, it’s to
take the damn ball away. We’re
going to stress and emphasize
that, and it’s going to be part of
our mentality every day in the
spring and every day in the fall
and it’s got to be a part of what
the Oregon defense is going
to be.”