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About The Bend bulletin. (Bend, Or.) 1903-1931 | View Entire Issue (June 22, 1906)
for The Term ofjlis Natural Life
By MARCUS CLARKE j
Rufus Dawes hnd been n fortnight At
the settlement when newcomer appear
ed on the chain gang. This was a young
man of about twenty years of ace, thin,
fair and delicate. Ills name was Kirk
land, and he belonged to what were
known as the "educated" prisoner. He
had been n clerk In a banking house, and
wa transported for cmbeiilement,
though, by some, grave doubts as to his
guilt wero entertained. The command
ant Captain Burgess, had employed him
s butler In his own house, and his fate
was considered a "lucky" one. So,
doubtless. It was, and might hare been,
had not an untoward accident occurred.
Captain Burgess, who was a bachelor of
the "old school." confessed an amiable
weakness for swearing. Klrkland be
longed to a Methodist family, and owned
a piety utterly out of place In that re
gion. The language of Burgess made
him shudder, and one day he so far for
got himself and his place as to raise his
hands to his ears. "I'll soon cure you
of thatr cried Burgess, and forthwith
ordered him to the chain gang for "In
subordination." He was received with suspicion by the
Rang, who did not llko white-handed
prisoners. Troke, by way of experi
ment In human nature, perhaps, placed
Mm next to Gabbett. When the muster
bell rang, and tho gang broko up, Rufus
Dawes, on his silent way to his separate
cell, observed a notablo change of cus
tom In the disposition of the new con
vict. Instead of placing him In a cell by
himself, Troko was turning him Into the
yard with the others.
"I'm not to go In there?" aays the el
bank clerk, drawing back In dismay from
the cloud of foul faces which lowered
"But you are, then!" says Troke. "The
governor says a night In there'll take the
starch out of yer. Come, In yet, go."
"Let him out, watchman!" said North,
who hapiened by.
"Can't, sir, without an order from tho
"I order you, sir!" North cried, indig
nant. "Very sorry, your reverenve: but your
reverence knows that I daren't do such a
North rushed away to the command
ant, and the instant his back was turned,
Ifalles, tho watchman, flung open the
door and darted Into the dormitory.
"Take that!" he cried, dealing Klrk
land a blow on tho head with his kevs.
that stretched him senseless. "There's
moro trouble with you aristocrats than
tnough. Lie quiet!"
The commandant, roused from his
lumber, told Mr. North that Klrkland
might stop where he was, and that he'd
thank the chaplain not to wake him up
because a prUoner set up a howling.
North returned to the prison discon
solately, found the dutiful Halle at his
post, and all quiet. "What's become of
Klrkland r be asked.
"Fretted hlsself to aleep, yer rever
ence," said Halles, In accents of par
ental concern. "Poor chap! It's hard
for auch young uns as he, sir."
In the morning Ituftu I)awe, coming
to bis place on the chain gang, was
truck by the altered appearance of
Klrkland. His face was of a greenish
tint, and wore an expression of bewil
"Cheer up, man!" said Dawes, touch
ed with momentary pity. "It's no good
being In the mopes, you know,"
"What do they do if you try to bolt?"
"Kill you," returned Dawes, In a tone
of surprise at so preposterous a ques
tion. "Thank God!" said Klrkland.
The work of the gang that afternoon
was the carrying of some heavy logs to
the water-side, and Uufus Dawes ob
served that Klrkland was exhausted
Jong before the task was accomplished.
"They'll kill you, you little beggar!"
eald ho, not unkindly.
He had hardly uttered the words
when the boy flung himself beneath the
Jog. In another Instant the train would
have been scrambling over his crushed
body, had not Gabbett stretched out an
Iron hand and plucked the would-be sui
cide from death.
"Hold on to me," said the giant. "I'm
big enough to carry double."
Klrkland uttered a cry, and then,
holding up his Iroua with bis hands,
he started to run for tho water.
"Halt, you young fool!" roared Troke,
raising his carbine. Dut Klrkland kept
steadily on for the river. Just as he
reached it, however, the figure of Mr,
North rose from behind a pile of stones.
Klrkland jumped for the jetty, missed
his footing and fell into the arms of the
"You young vermin you shall pay
for this!" cries Troke. "You'll seo If
you won't remember this day."
"Ob, Mr. North," says Klrkland,
"why did you stop me I I'd rather bo
dead than stay another night In that
"You'll get it, my lad!" said Gab
bett, when the runaway wa brought
back. "Your blessed blde'll feel for this,
see If It don'tl"
Klrkland only breathed harder, and
looked round for Mr. North j but Mr.
North had gone. Tho new chaplain was
to arrive that afternoon, and It was In
cumbent on the old one to be present at
Troke reported tho ex-bank clerk that
night to Burgess, and Burgess, who was
bout to go to dinner with the new chap
lain, disposed of his case out of hand.
"Tried t bolt, eh I Must top that.
Fifty lnhc, Troke. Tick out some
likely man. will you. That last follow
you had ought to havo been tied up
yourself. His flogging wouldn't have
killed a fla."
"You can't get 'em to warm one nn
other, your honor," says Troke. "They
won't do It."
"Oh, yes, they will, though," says
Burgess, "or I'll know the reason why.
I won't have my men knocked up with
flogging these rascals. If the scourger
won't do his duty, tie him up and give
him five-and-twenty for himself. I'll be
down In the morning myself. If I can."
"Very good, your honor," says Troke.
Klrkland was put Into a separate cell
that night; and Troke, by way of as
suring him a good night's rest, told him
that he was to have "fifty" In tho
morning. "And Dawes'll lay It on," he
added. "He's ono of the smartest mou
I've got, and ho won't spare yer."
"You will find this a terrible place,
Mr. Meekln," said North to his sup
planter, as they walked across to the
commandant's to dinner. "It has mado
me heart sick."
"I thought It was a little paradise,"
said Mceklu. "Captain Frere says that
tho sctnery Is delightful."
Tho dinner went off successfully.
Burgess desirous, perhaps, of favora
bly Impressing the chaplain whom tho
bishop delighted to honor was urbane
enough. "You'll find us rough, Mr.
Meekln," he said, "but you'll find us
'all there' when we'ro wanted. This
la a little kingdom In Itself. Pray help
yourself to wine."
"Thank you, none," aald North, fill
ing a tumbler with water. "I have a
Ills manner of speech and action was
so awkward that n silence fell upon
tho party, caused by each one wonder
ing why Mr. North should grow con
fused, and drum his fingers on the ta
ble, and stare everywhere but at the de
canter. Meekln was the first to speak.
"Have you many visitors, Captain Bur
"Very few. Sometime a party comes
over with a recommendation from the
governor, and I show them over the
place; but, as a rule, we see no one
"I asked." said Meekln, "because
some friends of ml no were thinking of
coming. Do you know Captain Frere?"
"Frere! I should say so!" returned
Burgess. "I was quartered with him
at Sarah Island. So he's a friend of
"I had the pleasure of meeting him
in society. He Is just married, you
know. To Miss Vickers, a charming
young person. They are going to Syd
ney, where Captain Frere has some
Interest, and Frere thinks of taking I'ort
Arthur on his way down."
"A strange fancy for a honeymoon
trip." said North.
"Captain Frere takes a deep Inter
est In all relating to convict discipline,"
went on Meekln, "and is anxious that
Mrs. Frere should see this plaee. A
romantic story, Captain Burgess. He
Raved her life, you know."
"Ah! that was a queer thing, that
mutiny," said Burgess. "We've got the
fellows here, you know."
"I saw them tried at Hobart Town,"
said Meekln. "In fact, the ringleader,
John Itex, gave me his coufesslbu, and
I nt it to the bishop. Captain Frere
tried to make mo think his letters con
tained a hidden meaning, but I don't
believe tbey did. He seems to me to
bo truly penitent for his offenses a
misguided but not a hypocritical man,
if my knowledge of human nature goes
"I hope he is." said North. "I
woulln't trust him."
"Oh, there's no fear of him," said
Burgess, cheerily; "If he grows uproari
ous, we'll soon give him a touch of tho
Here attention was called by tho
strange behavior of Mr. North. He had
risen and, without apology, flung wide
the window, as though he gasped for
air. "Hallo, North! Wbat'a the mat
ter?" "Nothing," said North, recovering
himself wJth an effort. "A spasm. I
have these attacks at times."
"Have some brandy?" said Burgess.
"No, no, le will pass. No, I say.
Well, If you insist." And seizing the
tumbler offered to him, he half filled it
with raw spirits and swallowed the fiery
draught at agulp. The Reverend Mee
kln eyed his clerical brother with hor
ror. "na!" said North, looking wildly
round upon them. "That's better."
80 they went on to the veranda, and
looked down upon the lights of the
prison, and listened to the sea lapping
the shore. Tho Rev. Mr. North, In this
cool atmosphere, seemed to recover him
self, and conversation progressed with
By and by a short figure came up out
of the dark, and proved to bo Doctor
Macklewaln, who had been prevented
from attending the dinner by roason of
an accident to a constable at Norfolk
Bay, which bad claimed his professional
"Well, bow's Forrest V cried Bur
gess. "Mr. Meekln Dr. Macklewaln."
"Dead," said Macklewaln. "Delight
ed to see 70U, Mr. Meekln."
"Confound It another of my best
men," grumbled Burgess. Macklewaln
was tired and wanted to get home.
"I must also be thinking of repose,"
said Meekln; "the journey, though most
enjoyable, baa fatigued me," r
"Come on, then." said North. "Our
roads lie together, doctor."
Before tho two clergymen had got
half way down the steep p.uh that led
from tho comiunndaiit'H house to the
lint on which tho cottage of tin doctor
and chaplain wore built, Mneklcwnln re
joined them. "Another flogging to-morrow,"
said he, grnmblliiBly, "l'p nt
daylight, I suppose, again."
"Whom Is he going to flag now?"
"That young butler-fellow of his,"
"What, Klrkland? You don't mean
to say he's going to Hog Klrklat.d? Oh,
this must bo stopped!" cries North, In
groat alarm. "He can't stand It. I
toll you he'll die. Macklewaln."
Captain Burgess was shutting his ve
randa window when North hurried up.
"Captain Burgess. Mncklewnln tells me
you aro going to Hog young Klrkland.
I have conio to leg you not to do so. sir.
The lad has Wen cruelly punished al
ready. He attempted suicide to-day-unhappy
"Well, that's Just what I'm flogging
him for. I'll teach my prisoner to at
"Captain Burgess." protested North,
'I assure you that he does not deserve
punishment. I have seen htm, and hU
condition of mind Is pitiable."
"Look here, Mr. North, I don't Inter
fere with what you do to the prisoner'
souls j don't you Interfere with what I
do to their bodies."
"Then, Captain Burgess." cried
North, his pale face flushing, "I tell you
tho boy's Mood will Iks on your head. I
am a minister of God, sir, and I forbid
you o commit this crime."
"You're a dismissed otneer of the gov
ernment, sir. You'vo no authority here
in any way; and ir you Interfere with
my discipline, sir, I'll have you put In
Irons until you're shipped out of the Isl
This, of course, was mere bravado on
tho part of the commandant. North
knew well that he would never dare to
attempt any such violence, but the In
sult stung him like the cut of a whip.
He mado a stride towanl the command
ant, as though to seiie him by tho
throat, but checking himself In time,
stood still, with clinched hand, flashing
eye and beard that bristled.
North returned home la great agita
tion. Twico ho pained on hi way to
the sitting room, and twice was he driv
en on by a power stronger than his will.
He resetted It at length, ami opening
the cupboard, pulled out what he sought
a bottle of brandy.
With this In his hand, all moderation
vanished. He raited It to his lips and
eagerly drank. Then, ashamed of what
he had done, he thrust tho bottle back,
and made for his room. He wept, he
prayed, he fought with his desire as
with a madnes. He told himself that
another's life depended on his exertions;
that to give way to bis fatal passkm
was unworthy of an educated man ami
a reasoning being. In vain. In the
midst of his arguments he found him
self at the cuptwiard. with the bottle
ai bis lips, in an attitude that was nt
once ludicrous and horrible.
His disease was . twlblo one. The
Rev. Jam? North- -x-KitUiiMn. cS..Ur
cad Christian priest was what the
work! calls "a confirm ! drunkard."
The morning sun, bright and fleree,
looked down upon a curious sight. In a
stone yard was a little gruuV of persons
Troke. Burgess, Macklewaln, Klrk
land and Rufus Dawes.
Three wooden staves, seven feet high,
were fastened together In the form of a
triangle. The structure looked not un
like that made by gypsies to boll their
kettles. To this structure Klrkland was
bound. His feet were fastened with
thongs to the base of tho triangle; hi
wrists, bound above his head, at the
apex. His body was then extended to
Its fullest length, and his white back
shone In the suullght. During his tying
up he bad said nuthlng.
"Now, prisoner," said Troko to Dawes,
"do your duty,"
Rufus Dawes looked from the three
stern faces to Klrkland' white back,
and his face grew purple. In all his
experience he had never been asked to
flog before. He had been flogged often
enough. He picked up the heavy cat,
and drew Its knotted lashes between hi
"Go on, Dawes," whispered Klrkland,
without .turning his head. "You aro no
more than another man."
Rufus Dawes lifted the cat, swung It
round his head, nnd brought Its knotted
cords down. Tho white back was In
stantly striped with six crimson bars.
Klrkland stifled a cry. It seemed to
him that he had been cut In half.
"Now, then, you scoundrel," roared
Burgess; "separate your cats! What
do you mean by flogging a man that
Rufus Dawes drew his crooked fin
gers through the entanglod cords and
struck again. This tlmo the blow was
moro effective, and the blood beaded on
the akin. The boy did not cry; but
Macklewaln saw hi hands clutch tho
staves tightly, and the muscles of his
naked arms quiver.
The third blow sounded as though it
bad been struck upon a piece of raw
beef, and the crimson turned purple. The
flogging proceeded In silence for ten
strokes, and then Klrkland gave a
screech like a wounded horse.
"Oh! Captain Burgess! Dawes!-
Mr. Troke I Oh! oh! Mercy! Oh, doc
tor! Mr. North! Oh! oh! oh!"
The lad's back, swollen into a bump,
now presented the appearance of a ripe
peach which a willful child has scored
with a pin. Dawes turning away from
his bloody handiwork, drow tho cars
through his fingers twice. Thoy were
beginning to get clogged a little.
"Go on," said Burgess, with a nod.
(To It oiutiiniwd.l
Woman Is a nilraclo of divine con
tradlctlous. M Ichelet.
H(Trctlte Trap .el.
A very sliuplo trap net Is thn de
scribed by Orange Judd Farmer; Ono
ldo nnd part of the top on ono com
partment Is removed to show tlm Inte
rior construction. Bach comportment
should be 13 Incite wide, IS Indie
high and Hit Inches deep, while the nest
box I 12 Inches square nnd Inches
deep, Kvery jwiiltry miner know tho
value of n trap nest, It I not nec
essary to enter Into Its utility. Any
number of them may W constructed
oldo by side, nnd nil iiulpcd lit the
nmo manner. Tim doorwny nt the
front Is It) Inches wide and 1- Inehe
high, tho door Is 1'J Inches squnre nnd
Is caught nt one corner with n screw.
When It l net the doorwny Is ojten, but
when tho hen lm sprung It tlm door
falls nnd tho opKtlto end to the screw
catches In nn Iron staple which pre
vents It from Mug moved by tho cap
Tlm top of tlm nests are provided
with n few slats nt the forward end
for light nnd veutllntloti, and chcIi
compartment has trajsloor hinged nt
fHUnlCKAIU-K THAI- SUIT.
tlm top so the hen can lo removed from
tlm Host. The neat l-x Is provided
with two screw at each side Just for
ward from the middle. These rot on
blocks with n V-hncd top.
Tho nest Is balanced so tho weight
it a hen when she Meps u tlm front
edge will tip It down, thereby releas
ing the wire end that holds In door
and allow It to falL Two pieces or
wire are used. Ono Is nindo fust to a
screw eye driven In the front edge of
the box and extends up nearly to the
under lde of the top, whore n piece of
cord Is Med to It. Tlm cord wsc
through n screw eye and townrd tlm
front of tin li, wimre, four Inches
from the eye, It Is tied to tho longer
piece of wire that extend to the dor.
Tlw wire and string are adjusted so
tho front end of the wire passing
through a bole In tho board will pro
ject a quarter of nn Inch nnd aupjxirt
tho door. When the hen teps on tlm
(mix nnd drags tho wire down that pulls
the long wire In and the door drop.
By opening tho trap door at the top It
Is easy to set tho dooi again.
llorr to Tlirovr a Xtrrr,
Hero Is a very alnipto but sure way
to throw a largo or small steer. Jq
rojie, threo-qunrter Inch, about 2.1 feet
long, I boat passing ono end of tho
ropo nround tho steer, nnd tying In a
hnrd knot; pa tho rope back nnd
around tho body ngifin In front of the
hll', passing the end of tho ropo under
tho rotm, so ns to form n draw, extend
lug tho end of the ropo straight behind
ros Tiinowirro the nTrr.ii.
tbo Htcer, By pulling 100 pounds on
tho end of tho rope, 1 1,000-pound steer
can bo thrown with raso.
Bo alow to condemn nn old sow that
does good work.
Moro money Is lost by feeding hogs
too long than by soiling too enrly,
If you dcslro to hit tho bull's oyo
aim high and In doing so load so as to
obtain moro bushels from tower acres.
When clover fields aro Infocted with
tho root borer, allowing them tojitnnd
but two years will help to subjugate
the pest In any locality.
Potato scab can bo largely prevented
by submerging tho seed for two hours
or moro In a formalin solution made
by dissolving ono pint of formaldehydo
In thirty gallons of wntor.
Every farmer should havo his seed
corn testing patch, on which competing
selections from his own fields and va
rieties secured elsowhero may bo sub
jected to a careful field test under his
For malting good grafting wax melt
together fotir pari roslu (by weight)
two purl beeswax s one xirt Inllow.
In tlm spring tlm muscle of n Imiw
are mift and they tiro easily. Let llieui
lake It easy until limy become nivtt
tinned to work and then you can "push
on tlm line."
1'alnl, Judiciously applied In farm Im
plement, will gle better return limn
when applied to building. l'lnt build
ing for apKMrinctM and Implement
The Increasing price of fence t.
and tlm ilooieaslng supply I causing
men to reflect nlout tlm future Ht.
Wo will lmo to get some good ubstl
tutu or plant tree.
ItrrnMnic a stall UleUer,
The chronic stable kicker, nld
from Mug a nuisance, causes much
damage and often Injures other mil
mills. To break hlui of the Imblt, nil
n grain ack half full of sand and
swing from celling with rope, so sack
will hang where heel or liorso will
have good play Umii It. Tie him firmly
In the stall with a heavy, stout rojm.
At tho first kick .the Iwg will awing
awny, often a high a the celling, If
kicked squarely. It will then uiurt
and ghe hlui a good a ho sent. Mill
will lend to a general niWup Mweeii
tlm horse and saudlMig, and Urn ack
of sttud will hold It own, returning all
he send, with considerable Interest.
He will soon Hud that be I up against
n losing proposition, nud, learning this,
will be thoroughly rowed. lo the
snek trtditiid him for n week or more
nnd then remote. If he should nt any
time show any tendency to return to
his old Imblt of kicking, arrange the
sack a U'fore ami tlm euro will !
final. --Successful Fanning.
Water fur Slirrp.
Tho necessity of n continual water
supply for sheep Is a niueli controvert
ed (Hilut, say Farm nttd Lho .Stock
Journal. We are unable to find any
definite bih! dcrfslu' data on the que.
tlou nud think It would make a good
topic for our exiKTlment station.
There aro many farmer who would
like to know whether tho pasturing of
sheep at any or all as,Hts of tlm jear
In a lot where water I not nremsllde
I n losing practice. We MIvo that
ex)wrlment would (trine that It Is, ns
wo can soi mi reason why they are
different from other stock ns not hi re
pay attention to (Mr water subtly.
lliivaT Slris fur llarnr.s llmiLa.
Old buggy stoj make good harness
hook one get nt tlm stores, wrllei
sookt one gets at the stores, write
GOOD IMH.NUtM HOOK.
an Indiana farmer. Cut on tho step
at tho dottel line A, nnd nail tho hook
part up ns shown In B.
tlnn'l .Vralurt tlio Malilra.
Many dairymen who are Inclined to
o exceedingly cleanly about tho sta
ble during tho winter give theni lit
tie enro during tho summer when tho
cows nre largely milked In the jwisturc,
a plan of milking ninny follow. There
are dny and night during tho summer
when the cow must bo housed and tho
milking done In tho stnble, lieuco If
they have leon neglected tlm milk I
surely to altsorb any undesirable odor
that may exist.
Wo Hud It nn excellent plan to clean
the stables thoroughly Just it soon a
tho cows are turned out to gra, nud
till thoroughness consist la washing
tho wall with a strong solution of car
bolic add, then going over thorn thor
uglily with wbltewnli. In this man
ner nil gorm nnd odor nre destroyed.
This I by no moan nil, for each week
the stnble nre thoroughly purified, so
that thoro will bo no posslblo odor to
spoil tho milk. Kxehnngo.
Dnarnnif Apple Trees,
Applo tree nro dwarfed by grafting
them on tree of the wmio general typo
but of smaller stature. There nro two
stock In general usu In Kuropo and
In this country. Thcso nro 1'arndlsu
and Doucln. 1'aradlso produce n fully
dwarfed applo trco of very Hiuall slzo.
Tho Doucln Is n trco of lutormcdlnto
slo, and therefore, does not dwnrf
tho stock so emphatically as tho 1'ara
dlso. Carrots nnd 1'arsnlps,
An excellent tnodo of planting carrot
and tmrsnln seed Is to droit tho in.i in
email quantity, six Indies apart In tho
rows, instead of scattering tho seed In
tho row. By this method tho plant
will coino mi in stools, and r,m iu
thinned put of too thick, whoreas if tho
seed Is scattered tho plants may coino
un straggling, a tho seed doc not mw.
mlnate very easily undor ndyorse condi
tions. Extra plants taken from tho
row may bo plantod elsowhero. The
seed drills do tho work well in that
Kulcker- Few girl keep up their
music nrter they nre married. Docker
And yet muiio (mroim Hint mar
riage I n failure. -New York Nun
III Wlfc-llmo )iiu had it Imd dny,
dear? Tho Financier Ve. I lost over
J'.'.'-O.OOO. And tlm worst of It Is that
nearly ftoo of Hint wn my own mon
ey 1 Life.
Undo I low do you like your employ.
er? Tommy I think ho' bigoted, I a
do In what way? Tommy Well, ho
link dat word oughter be spelt his
way all do time.
Molly Ho I n student nt 01m of
tlm big college. I'ollyNoiisense! II
talked with us for nu hour when ha
wn here yesterday and never ucd a
bit of slang. Houiervllle Journal,
"I It expensive sending your girl
to college?" "1 should y ml My
wife take advantage of their nbsenca
to dress nlmut twenty )ear younger
than she really Is," Brooklyn Life,
This Dower I strictly up to date,"
aid tlm HorUU "What do you menu
by thatr' nked tlm pnnsilre cus
tomer. "Why," he explained, "It was
ohtntricd by grafting." Detroit Frist
"I she pretty?" they asked of tlm
young mnii who was spoaklng of hit
fiancee, "Well, I don't want to ltstH
ho replied, "but ho nlwnjs get a M-st
In a crowded tmt car." Htray
If tho sweet girl graduate of last
June linsu't got n school or nn ongg
went ring ct. It Is high time for her
to study shorthand nod hustle around
to get a Job at tyimwrltlng. -Homer-vllle
Pertly- Really. Patrick, I'd rather
rid HtKr than take n spin In tho
touring ear. The Groom Hnr. 'lit
strange ye fate Hint way, or. consider
In' Hint Htaggers Is owuly n wait host
tiwcr Iw, Puck.
"He claim that lie IhiIU the first
pniHMtiger elevator uvd In this coun
try." "Nonsense I Tho Mississippi
steamlioat were running nud blow lug
up regularly long before ho was horn."
Mother uho now, Will, If you'll
only 1st good I'll give yu a is-nny.
Willie Ni.'iii; I won't Ihj good f..r
less'n five cent. Mother Why, you
wero good )eterdny for n ouiiy. Wil
lie 1 know, but yesterday wn bargain
day. Philadelphia Pre.
Flrt Girl What nro you waiting
for? Why don't )ou finish your letter
to Blla? Hcoond Girl I don't know
whether to say "Bvor your, with truest
love," or simply "Vour affectionately "
Yu see, I can't endure Hlla I thluk
the' detestable! Tit lilt.
"He herel" iinpied tho landlord,
who had responded to Hi tenant's hur
ry call for a plumtwr, "I thought you
said tlm water In your cellnr was two
feet deep. "It' only n few Indie."
"Well, Hint's a deep a my two feet "
retorted tho tenant, "and that's too
Clara Did tho paper notlcii your
father at the great banquet? Johnny
Ye. Clara Well, inniiimn said ho
could not sco hi nntim on the list.
Johnny No; but tlm list end up with
"and other." 'Mint menu jmw. They
nlwny mention htm that way. Illus
Magistrate nud M. P. After iimturo
and careful consideration of jour case,
I hnvu coino to tlm conclusion Hint )oii
aro a lazy, good-for-nothing rogue. Mny
I nsk If you ever earned n shilling In
your llfo? Prisoner Oli, o. I hne,
yer 'ouor. I oled for yor 'oner once-
Tom Iook nt Hint crowd of women
trying to get In that dtqmrtiiinnt store.
Ulck Ye, If n regular crush. Tom
But It' hi early. Why, tlm door
nren't 01111 yet. Dick Ye, they're tho
women who followed the Hue of ndvlcn
In tho advertisement: "Coino enrly nnd
avoid tlm rush." Cathollu Htaudnrd
Tho deperato mini, wenry of life,
oimucd nn upicr window In the sky
semper nud threw himself out. Ha
Inuded on top of n lend of luiittrcMC
with which n teamster happened to bo
driving nloug nt the moment. "Hung
tho luck I" ho oxclnlmed, n ho rose to
hlui fret, shook himself, nud found that
he was practically uninjured. "I might
havo known this would bo tho result
of Jumping from tho thirteenth floor I"
A clergyman who had accepted nn In
vitation to olltcliitti nt Sunday service
In n neighboring town entrusted hi
now curnto with tho performance of hi
own. duties. On returning homo ho
asked his wife wluit hIio thought of tlm
curnto' sermon. "It wns tho iKtorest
ouu I evor heard," sho replied, prompt
ly "nothing In It nt nil." Lnter In tho
day tho clorgymnu, mooting hi curnto,
nsked him how ho hnd got on. "Oh,
very well," wns tho reply, "I didn't
have tlmo to prepare anything, so I
preached on of your unused sermons."