Hr
TH.
N Waa Cao#« 1»
i
Tka King's Engllsn.
A woman wt-m to a probate court
to iH*e iilxiut wttlinjt the estât« of
ber bUNlmml.
#-/ >w*.
*
“ Are vi»u llut jiulge of the repro­
bate*
ilv* woman n*ked of the
judge of i he court. The judgt kind*
ly exphiuiiHl that he waa not tba
judge .if rlie reprolnttpft, hut waa
the probate judge.
“ Well," «aid the woman, “ l came
to nee about the eetate of mj dia-
eaaed hushnnd. He died, leaving
me with two infidels and 1 want you
to appoint me as their executioner.”
—Indianapolis Sews.
•«**«
m 4
«**»*• •** Thing« I » the GradM
This Oraat Country.
. in» uhi »
American» rouuuod tb* tint *ov*r»-
Although
h id
1>UId QMat iiDUer wturb m ( i u>«u ware «gtuli ning of time
» rouiMUIIr ..MO M-MU bofon ttur low Ml»*« tbo Uaclarattua among the «lita
of lnd*peod«ti«t WM published to M m
ptaiMU Jupiter, Venus. world tb# (leuicK-raOr Idea baa boon? some of tha
looaivad Impute« until now Mo autrcb
) Our planet
m m m imewttbia
j ^
Terra or it-* , .<
-i
out pkoH Ui*- ••urlìi.
Hera are two puna made fay chil­
dren with a quickness quite remgrk-
ahlt a small boy, who had a sister
engaged to a Mr. Tatum, wished
one evening to ask a service of her.
Americana Were tba Brat to aboil* “ It's no uaa, though,” he aaid; “ aha
titolar dlattnctlwna and to deprivo ao- just spends all her thne tete-s-Ta-
American* were the Brat to demon
•Mote tb* feasibility or relying os a'
fittami aoidlerjr to defaad tba land a s «
It* Institution* ana In at /oralgn or do
maattc attack.
cbU eminence of a «tf «apport mve
ebanteter or tb# conaaonos o f tbona
’ But Taílua fluni
¡¡¡SÛT*
Odraa altar Cbaoa.
arar myttole «g
aa aba waa otilad
a. Carea. Tttbea. B
POWER OF ELOQUENCE
HUMOR OF LINCOLN.
Taok Precautions.
(. He waa no quicker than a girl of
the same age, a.sister of the late
Smith Humana. He, as a lad home
from boarding school, offended her
taste in some small way, and she
remonstrated. “ They all do it in
school,” he answered, “ and when
you're in Rome yon must do as the
Romans do." “ Yes,” the answered
like a flask, “ but when you’re at
heme you must do as the Homans
do.”
As quick was the man who was
invited to take a dip into the ocean
because the water waa as “ fine as
silk,” u>d replied, “ Yon can't make
a silk purse out of a souse here.”
Still another waa a man of New
Jersey, who waa trying to take a
sleigh ride through melting snow
that was chiefly red Jersey mud,
and murmured «adì
fsdly, . “ At last I un*
derstand EmersonV cryptic line,
‘When the red slayer thinks he
alaya/
A trifle leas spontaneous waa the
man who said that the modern Ital­
ian version of the old Latin tempos
it shduld read “ The da(y;
asked how she liked tl»e New York
public library, answered at once,
“ You must read between the lines”
(lions).
8oma men like Horne Took# will
joke at the point of death. A man
ao ill that his doctor kept him flat
on his back and allowed him only
the nourishment that could be tak­
es tube, kept his
be called a victim
humor. “ 1 mq
of tubercular
whispered to bis nurse.
“ You ran -into ibo man at thirty
miles an hour and knocked him
forty feet,** •«aid the court
“That or a little la»tter. I sup-
UNiee.” Hn»wer«*d the HmufTeur.
,
“ Whv didn't vou .■*!»» «lown?”
“ Mere precaution. v<»ur honor.
Oftt-e I shnt <»IT 4 peed and hit a man
ao gently that he wa* able to «limb
into the machine and give me a
licking.**— Philadelphia ledger.
:? ¿ S I
Th
e N ew ber
... ..... —■■■......... —
1
T ra n s fe r C o
were driven from tha Garden of Men
h a * the Inhabitants of this «o r ti
some people have gane hungry treat
the day of creation to th is good hour
tor the lock of proper diettlbutkm.
Slight variations In protmetion have
forced •
in g w » w o «» local­
ity ha* fait tb* pinch of want, while
another surfeited, bat the world ns a,
whole has aver been a land of plenty.
We now have Ians than onwtentb of
the tillable land of the earth’s sartaee
under cultivation, aad we not only
have this surplus eras to draw on hat
It la safe to estimate that la ease of
No recitation of wit in pun form
could be complete without the two
that aw world known—one by an
Englishman who promised a pun on
any subject offered him. He waa
R EO T R U C K
to their equipment w
fi*tb|s 4 them to h u d ls
Edward Cornell
r
'
'
19
113 N.
2
■
A * was pt do dam.
\
Apt as is this verse, the second is
quit* aa good. It was, I think, a
woman who waa given Henry Ward
Beecher as a subject for a pun. Her
poem read:
White Brcmxe made from re­
fined sine, w ill never moss g ro w ,
deface or lettering grow dim.
J. C. G regory, A gt.,
•
N ew berg,O re.
J. H. GIBSON. Mgr.
Horseshoes are of uncertain date
and have caused some discussion
among military historians. Nailed
shoes were not known by the Greeks,
for Xenophon gives minute instruc­
tions for hardening the hoof. Nor
did the Romans use them. Nero
had mules ahod with a plate of ail-
ear fastened by croaasa thongs to
the hoof. Poppeee, his later wife,
had her mules shod with solid
gold. Tha earliest positive evidence
of nailed shoes is furnished by the
skeleton of a bona found in the
tomb of Childeric L (468-81) at
Touraay in 1668.
CHASE & LINTON
GRAVEL COMPANY
YamhiD County Abstract Co.
A ll kinds o f gravel fo r con­
crete work, cement Mocks,
or wood w ork furnished on
short notice.
mate* Sftean bilttoa bushels of ce­
reals. thirteen billion pounds of fibre
an« sixty-five million tons of sen t
The average annual world crop for
tha past five yearn, compared with the
previews five yean. Is as follows:
Paat Half
Previous Half
Crops ■
Decade
Decade.
Corn (Bu.) *,»»4.174.000 8.408466.000
WbeatiBu.) «tt.TW .000. *,1*7,51«,000
Oats (Bn.) 4.180.01T.000 «08.S15.000
Cotton (Balsa) 1M88JOO
17.541.300
Tha world show* an average 8a-
ereaa* In cereal production of 18 par
cent during the past decade, compered
with tha previous five yean, whfl* the
world** population shows aa Increase
of only three per emit
The gain Ik production Car axcaadi
that of our increase la population, and
K la aula to eat! mat* that the tanner
can easily Increase production 88 par
cent If a remunerative market can ha
from tha Danube region spread all found for the products. In textile
ovar tha continent, appearing id
England shout 1580.
" ^ ' ' lie
--- *À,; '
i
n© ñafnrmltii
i/uTOrmfijr ■ nww.
Tommy (àUowéd io tit xm}—Why,
Sister Clara, Mr. TadweU's feet are
both alike.
(BrnbanukAmdst of
'»M r. Tadwell (coming gallantly to
the rescue) — Of course, Tommy.
What did you think?
Tommy—1 didn’t think nothin’,
only Sister CSara aaya you're always
puttin’ your best foot backward; and
I wanted to aea which one it waa
Telephone W hite 85
Gatt on :| K
Newberg Manufactur.
ing A Construction Co.
Per Windows, Door* * General MU
Wrrk,
4SI N. M ain Street
Excursion Fares
t o th e
CAUFORNIA EXPOSITIONS
Round trip tickets,
s t alt
points
^
.----- ....
lints in eiu.^.
either direction, to
Panam
a * Pacific
International Exposition, San Francisco, Feb. 20 to
Dec. 4, and t o t h e Panam a California Exposition,
San Diego, open all year, w ill be placed on sale
February 15 to November 3 0
V ia th e
Scenic Shasta Route
Three U se Train» Daily
■sited*
E xtra Fare, First Class equipment only
Leaves Portland 3:50 pi m. A H igh Class Train
ieeo r s m ’s — i Observation Gar, Standard and
Tourist Sleeping Gars, Chair Cars and D inar
Standard and
Tourist Sleeping
Gars, Chair Cara and Diner.
; . fle e in g Bath * f Them.
“It waa simply a question of ve-
racity between us,” aaid the oldest
inhabitant. “ Ha aaid 1 waa a liar,
and I said he was ona”
“Humph!” rejoined the village
postmaster. “That's tba firat time
I eve* heard e f eitber of you telling
Phone BIwok 14
alare, fares, literature on the Expositions, tram
etc., from nearest A gen t o f the
S O U T H E R N P A C IFIC
M.