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BLUNDERS IN SHORTHAND. A S t r a n g e r W h o K m w Mora About It Than th o CompoMr. Amusing Mistakes That Coma Whan ths Not«« Ars Tran«orib«d. Rossini, the composer, possess A volume could be filled with ed a magnificent watch that his king amusing stories of shorthand mis had presented to him. It was a re takes, the greater number of them Jekyll aud Mr. Hyde, was a sub peater aud also a musical watch, due to mistaken vowels. For in stantial wright and cabinet maker for it played the maestro’s prayer stance, “ This day is big with fate” in the l^awmnarket of Edinburgh. from “ Moses In Egypt” But not was transcribed, “ This day is big Ho was a burgess and guild brother until after he had owned it for six with fat,” while “ Do not indulge in of his native town, ana so high did years did he understand it fully. spite” came out “ Do not indulge in he stand in the estimation of his Rossini took a boyish delight m spit,” and “ A bouse of many ga fellow craftsmen that for four years showing it and making it play, and bles” was transformed into “ A they elected him a member of the one day he did so while in a cafe. I house of many gabbles.” The use town council as deaeon of the in A stranger who sat near was at- ! of a wrong vowel may have the most corporation of wrights. tracted by the music, and just asi amusing result, as in tlfe phrase, Success in public life helped the Rossini was going to put it back in “ Man, know thyself,” which was deacon in his business as a wright, his pocket he stepped up to him and once converted, in the report of a and few men appeared to have less said: “ You have a very valuable sermon, into “ Man, gnaw thyself.” ground to quarrel with the conven- watch there, sir, but I’ll wager that To misplace a vowel is, in short tional conception of meum and you do not know all its capabilities.” hand, the easiest thing in the world. tuum. Nevertheless the deacon was j Bossini, much surprised, said: " I A well knpwn reporter tells of a pu always in want of money. He was have carrifed it now for six years in pil who by this means turned an inveterate gamester, a gay and honor of my king. It has never “ mighty acts” into “ mighty cats,” much involved bachelor, and he had varied one minute; it repeats the and another report of a sermon was a passion for the fashionable sport hour, quarter hour, tells the min- spoiled by ths advice, “ Return a of cockfighting. 1 utes and the day of the month and blow with an ax” instead of “ a kiss.” All this brought the respected plays, as you have just heard, the The “ reporting style,” in which burgess into bad company, particu prayer from ‘Moses/ “ the vowels are omitted altogether larly at a certain disreputable tav i “ And yet I insist,” said the for the sake o f rapidity, is responsi Tinner and Plumber ern in the Fleshmarket close, fre- stranger smiling, “ that you do not ble for the famous American story uented by sharpers. In 1788 Bro- know your watch wholly. I’ll wager of the shorthand clerk who took ie was even accused of himself anything you like— your watch down a note of his wife's instruction using loaded dice, but it never came against 10,000 francs 1” to “ Be sure and remember to brii up for trial, for the deacon mean Oh, well, if you have 10,000 home a cake of castile soap,” and, while had been convicted of a hang- francs too many I’ ll take the bet,1 as a result, returned home with a mg matter. cried Rossini. “ But now give me can of oxtail soup I Brodie, in fact, had for years the proof of your assertion.” Newspaper readers are sometimes been living a double life. In the “ Very well. The watch plays an astonished by mistakes on the part THERE’S no STRADDLING daytime he was an honest crafts other piece of yours, master, and of reporters. Consider, for in the lumber question here. When man, but at night be exchanged his contains your portrait besides.” stance, the surprise of the readers chisel for a jimmy and a dark lan Speechless, Rossini saw that when of a certain staid daily some years we say we sell the highest qual tern. The deacon was a humorist, the stranger touched a spring a lid ago when they learned that a public ity, we mean just that and noth and the situation doubtless appealed flew back, disclosing his portrait, man had the night before solemnly ing else. Deal here and you get to him. The friend he had robbed while at the same time it played announced that “ All reforms in. a square deal You don’ t have overnight he would condole with in “ Di Tanti Palpiti,” from “ Tancred.” England have been brought about to be a lumber expert to buy the morning, and after some par- j “ Good gracious,” he exclaimed, by Prussia I” The word the great ticularly ingenious burglary he looking at his lost watch, “ it is true! man had really used was “ pressure,” here to the best advantage. Ask would be the first in the council You have won the wager. But how not “ Prussia.” So, too, considerable those who know. chamber to suggest offering a re- could I know ?” astonishment was caused when “ cu ward for discovering the perpetra- The stranger laughed heartily rates” instead of “ pew rates" were JVI. H . F I N N E Y tor. and Jtianded him back his treasure, reported to be “ the greatest ene S O « N . M a la S t .. Nowbnrg . Or. For twenty years this prince of saying: mies of the church.” cracksmen remained unsuspected, i “ I am the *rfraker of this watch, A somewhat similar type of error and he was only brought to book at Michel Plivee. The wager was, was perpetrated by the reporter last by the treachery of a eonfeder- made in fun, but I am delighted who made Lord Carnarvon say that ate. The deacon was sentenced to that you, the great maestro, take “ In these days clergymen are ex be hanged— on the new drop gallows such pleasure in my work.” pected to have the wisdom and he had suggested himself to the d tv --------------------- - learning of a journeyman tailor.” Firlinfovn* of Lombardy. fathers— and hanged he was, though What he had said was, of course, “ a not without a characteristic attempt ! At Brianza, in Lombardy, there Jeremy Taylor.” Another reporter exists a most curious band, all the referred to John Bright as “ the to cheat the gallows. A French quack, Dr. Peter Del- members of which play the same gamecock,” instead of “ The Gama gravers, so the story goes, came to kind of instrument, known as the liel of Birmingham,” and yet an- him in prison and undertook to re “ firlinfoens.” This corresponds to nother transcribed his notes of Mr. store him to life after he had hang- what we know as “ pan pipes” and is Chamberlain’s remark, “ They bring 3 0 4 F IR S T S T ., N E W B E R G , OR. eeds fat ed the usual time. To the last his constructed of reeds fastened side up their puny popguns and spatter fellow citizens loved to cherish a be- by side, the bass pipes being often me with abuse” as “ They bring out lief that he had been resuscitated several feet long, while the others their penny popguns and spatter me gradually decrease in size. The “ fir- with peas.” < > and had escaped.— London News. linfoens” — as the players are called, The people of Edinburgh were Walpolo'o Noblo Patron. after their instruments— are, as a once highly indignant that Profess- Carlyle long ago declared that rule, ignorant of music, and they or Black ie should have referred to nothing was sadder reading than learn their tunes by heart— often the “ greasy” atmosphere ^.pf their the biography of a man of letters, from a gramaphone. It is said that town, when he had really been com except, lie added, with sardonic the pan pipe players experience all mending its “ breezy atmosphere.” - emphasis, the Newgate calendaR the sensations of intoxication after London Strand Magazine. There are exceptions, of course, and march, due to their energetic one of them leaps to light in the blowing and the constant wagging Third Parson Present. Dictionary of National 1 Biography. of the head to and fro. The music, In the town where Rev. Dr. Em It seems that Sir Spencer Walpole by the wayr although curious at mons was pastor lived a physician once wrote a book in faroff days of first, is not unpleasing.— Wide World tinctured with the broadest form of financial stress which so caught the Magazine. pantheism, who declared that if he fancy of a noble lord that he ever met Dr. Emmons he would eas- An Old English P«nano«. promptly inserted a clause in his ly floor him in argument One day will leaving the lucky author the At Whitby, on Ascension day, is they met at the home of a patient. substantial sum of £10,000. Lord to be seen the keeping of the strange The physician abruptly asked Dr. Citizens o f the state are urged to inform themselves regarding this Egmont died.shortly after, and it old custom of the planting of the Emmons: plague which is causing great suffering among boys and young men, and was this happy turn of fortune horngath, the oldest of the British “ How old are you, sir?” especially among the innocent girls and women o f the state. Parents which enabled Walpole to abandon penances. In the days of Henry II. The doctor, astonished at his are urged to protect their children, and provide clean, wholesome infor journalism and to find leisure to the lords of certain manors hunted rudeness, quietly replied: “ Sixty- mation in place o f the unclean misinformation they cannot now help getting. write what proved to bfe his chief a boar into a hermit’s chapel. The< two. May I ask, sir, how long you Send for any o f the following distinction in letters, the “ History hermit shut the door and kept the have lived ?” of England From 1815,” the book hounds out, and the barons in their Free Circulera “ Since the creation,” was the re rage slew him. He, dying, decreed which made his reputation. ply of the pantheist. FOR YOUNG MEN that aa a penance the lords should “ Ah, I suppose, then, you were Circular No. 2—The Four Sex Lies. Quaint Oaths. on each anniversary of his death in the Garden of Eden with Adam Circular No. 9—Sex Truths for Men. In Assam the oath is taken by carry wood to the water’s edge at and Eve?” FOR OLDER BOYS (18 to 18 yra. o f age) standing within a rope circle, to im low tide and drive in stakes. Should “ I was there, sir.” Circular No. 8—Virility and Physical Development. , ply a wish to rot as the rope does if the erection not survive three tides “ Well,” said the wily divine, “ we FOR YOUNGER BOYS (10 to 13 years o f age) the swearer does not tell the truth. their lands should be forfeited to all know there was a third person Circular No. 7—The Secret o f Strength. In lawsuits between Russians and the abbot of Whitby. To this day present” — Nashville Banner. FOR GIRLS the Ostiaks of Siberia a bear*s head the ceremony is performed by repre- v Church of 8t. Sophia. is brought into court, and the Osti- sentatives of the lord of the manor, Circular No. 4—A Plain Talk with Girla about their Health. ak, making the gesture of eating, “ Some may have wondered who FOR YOUNG WOMEN Children and th« Surf. calls on the bear to devour him if he was the St. Sophia who gave her Circular No. 10—Physical Development, Marriage and Motherhood. Children are often fearful of the name to the great church at Con lies. FOR PARENTS There are tribes of India that water, especially at the sea shore, stantinople,” says the London Spec Circular No. I—The Need for Education in Sexual Hygiene. swear by the head of a tiger, while and kindhearted parents will not tator. “ It is not named after a Circular No. 3—When and How to Tell the Children. others chop a dog in two aa emblem thrust a terror stricken baby into saint at all, its correct designation, Circular No. 5—A Liat o f Books for Use in the Family on Sex. the surf. John Muir in the At Agia Sophia, meaning ‘house of di atic of the fate of the perjurer. lantic Monthly emphasizes the need vine wisdom.’ According to tradi- Send 2-cent stamp with your address. Hs Wasn’t a Qormand. of caution in this matter by relating tion an angel inspired this name. That wary old fellow, Bailie Mac- ¿ ‘ow he was made miserable as a Shortly " ' after * the ‘ foi foundation ................... of the Department D duff, was enticed into a friend’s ; child by being plunged again and church had been laid by Justinian house the other night, and his host , jnt0 the sea by a strong arm- a boy, set to watch the workmen’s managed to win 50 shillings from eel servant, despite his shrieks. “ As tools, was visited by a celestial fig 7 0 3 S ellin g B uilding, Portland, Oregon him at "nap.” What is more re- i the time approached for this terri- ure with wings reaching to heaven. vh( the bailie had part 'ble bathing,” he says, “ I used to ‘Go and tell the emperor,' com markable, when ed with his last shilling he rose, full hide in the darkest corners of the manded the angel, ‘that this church Dr. Alle« C. Bower* Or. H . D. Sowar of wrath. house, and oftentimes a long search is to be named “ the House of Divine “ Won’t you stay to supper?” wa t ’ rt required to find me.’ Wisdom,” ’ and on hearing the boy’s jressed his host. “ We have a fine story Justinian obe od the angelic A Trick For Boys. >it of ham waiting.” o s t e o p a t h ic p h y s i c i a n s command.” _____ —-------— Did you know that four boys can “ No, not I. Dae ye think I can Graduate* of the A. 8 . O.. Klrkivllle, Mo. eat 50 shillings’ worth of ham?” — sit down together quite comfortably Llttlo Pitch«r«. A y ea r’s post-graduate work in Cali with apparently nothing to sit upon? London Answers. “ Shall I have to get married when fornia just completed. Women’ s « « The trick is an easy one. Stand up I grow up ?” asked little Flossie one Diseases a Specialty. is prepared to transfer Then Hs Wasn’t 8o Plsased. in the form of a right angle cross day of her mother. Office, upstairs opposite postoffice. your goods anywhere, The minister beamed upon his with right elbows touching and each Phones: Office, White 75; Res------------- “ Just as you please, dear,” an parishioner. “ I’m very pleased, boy’s beck st right angles to the swered her mother, with a smile. any place any time. Mrs. Robinson,” he said, “ to see you boy behind. Count three and let ev “ Most women do, however.” so regular m your place on the Sab ery boy sit down, exactly as though “ Yes, I suppose so,” continued Prices Reasonable Yamhill County Abstract Co. bath day.” he was about to sit on a chair, when the little girl musingly, "and I think “ 'Deed, sir,” replied the good each boy will discover himself quite I’d better start ana look out for a Office phone Black 100, or J. H. GIBSON, Mgr. lady, “ I’m glad tae come, for it’s comfortably seated on the knee of husband now. They say that Aunt T h e only A bstract Books in residence ( Black 128 not every day I get sic a comfortable the boy behind him. This is always Jane has been at it for ft twenty years phones ( [Red 79 seat an’ sae little tae think about.” very funny and invariably ends in a and hasn’t caught one y e t” — Lon Yam hill County Call up ( Red 80 — Glasgow Scotsman. big laugh.— Christian Herald. don Telegraph. M c M innville . O regon ««McsesMcsaaaaocsMc^ The Smartest W om en in Tow n patronise our «tore for all their little toilet niceties, stationery, etc. A nd among other things they find her« are those wonderful, economical producer* of new life and coloring to all fabrics, via« E. L. EVANS Diamond D yes Parlor i Bargains at M. J. Nash C o Dry Goods, Notions and Ladies Furnishing Goods Shoes Help Fight the Great Red Plague The Oregon State Board of Health Drs. Bowers & Bowers r í i The Newberg Transfer Co. Pharmacy The Ice Man Can’t make stale groceries palatable. Better make your purchases o f J. L. VanBlaricom i who carries a nice clean stock of everything that is good to eat Call W hite 114 and you will get Prompt Sjor v i c e U w V w V w V w U w W w W w W w W w W IV fc IV M w M w Ladies and Gents Come and look over my new line o f Spring and Summer Samples, they have just arrived and are winner» M UELLER the TAILO R Opposfto Post*flic«. NEWBERG : Iron W orks;! Foundry and M achine W ork. Pulleys, Shafting and Machine Screws Sixth and Blaine Sts. A Great Clubbing Offer Semi-Weekly Oregon Journal, one y e a r ........................................$1. Graphic, one y e a r ..............................1.60 Total...... .......................................... 8.00 Both Papers, One Y e a r............... Sa.ee THE SEMI-WEEKLY O regon Journal Publishes the latest and most complete telegraphic news o f the world; gives re liable market reports, as it is published at Portland, where the market can be, and is, corrected to date for each issue. It also has s page o f special matter for the farm and nome, an entertaining story page and a page or more o f comic each week, and It goes to the Subscriber twiee every week —104 times a year. The Graphic Gives all the lot .1 news and happenings and should be in everv home jn this vi cinity m e two papers make a splendid com bination &nd you save $1 bv pending your s u b s c rip ts to the Graphic. k We can also ^ive our subscribers a good clubbing offer for the Daily and Sunday, or Sunday Journal, in connec tion with the Graphic P.O LK’S OREGON BUd WASHINGTON Business Directory A Directory o f m e h City, Towa and Villas«. Slytns dMorlptlv« skstoh o f oach plsos, location, population, tolo- Sraph. shlpplns and banklns point; alao Classified Directory, compiled by «B . L • CO, HUES I BUSINESS COLLEGE W A S H IN G T O N A N D T S N T H « T « rOSTLANO OSSOON • W R ITE FOR C A TA LO G t r i a t u Tou <« « Good P ortion
