Image provided by: Newberg Public Library; Newberg, OR
About Newberg graphic. (Newberg, Or.) 1888-1993 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 2, 1911)
. s ~ T , \ TH E NEWBEKÓ QRAPHIC. February a, I91I STORIES OF MARK TWAIN. A LIT T L E DIP INTO SPACE. Th* Great Humorist Waa a Child In Financial Matter*. Distance* From Earth to 8tar* That Mako Evan Imagination Gasp. “ Everybody who knew Mark Twain ret-ognized that in a matter of business he was the veriest child,” said the clerk of a hotel where Mr. Clemens used to put up. “ 1 remember that one day after his wife’» death,, when her estate waa being settled up;, he came down stairs one morning to receive an official looking lettar from one of the administrators, f i e opened it slowly and stood fo r a long time studying the figure« on an inclocure. “ ‘ Good Lord!* he finally ex claimed. ‘ Do I owe them $38,000 or do they owe me $18,000?* He pasted the paper over to me, and when I told him the balance was in his favor he seemed greatly re lieved. “ Once he was unintentionally in strumental in getting our cashier fired. Mr. Clemens was in the hsbit o f getting $50 or $100 s day from th e office. Sometimes he would get it without a draft, and sometimes his secretary would come down stairs with him and cash a check A fter he had gone home after one o f hie visits we sent him e bill. We g ot an answer saying the bill was too small, fo r he had drawn $100 more than he had been debited with. This made the proprietor angry, and he fired the cashier on the spot. It afterward turned out that on the morning that Mr. Clem ens had drawn this particular $100 his secretary immediately afterward had given the cashier a check for $100, so that there was no entry on the book. ' “ One day when Mr. Clemen« walked in and signed his name I asked him how lon g he expected to stay. T i l tell y o u / he replied, leaning over the coudter. I t de pends on the weather and my shirts. I’ ve one shirt on and two in my grip. As soon as they all get dirty I am going back home.’ ” —- New York Sun. One o f the greatest sources o f the fascination o f the starry heavens is the measurelessness o f their abysses. The ocean o f space ia so pellucid that we aeem to aee its spangled bottom, but trigonometry is powerless to reach i t Here and there only some projecting reef throws a star gemmed point within touch o f the astronomer’s Bounding line. Such a spire, situated at a depth hitherto unfathomed, has caught and arrested the spectroscope plum met flung into the abyss by the as tronomer Charles Nordmann, who has invented a new method o f ce lestial sounding«. - The glittering star crag that he has hit ia charted by astronomers under the name of Delta Librae, and the length o f the mathematical line which now hangs between it and the earth makes the imagination itself gasp. It is two quadrillions o f miles! It is only step by step that one can comprehend a number like th a t Two quadrillions o f twenty dollar gold pieces would make 100,000 necklaces, each long enough to em brace'the earth and the moon in a double loop. An express train trav eling 100 miles per hour end nev er stopping would require more than 2,280,000,000 years to go two uadrillions o f miles. A projectile ying 3,000 feet per second, or in round numbers 50,000 miles per day, would require about 110,000,- 000 years to reach Delta Librae. Light, the swiftest thing known— the swiftest thing that can possibly exist, if we may trust recent calcu lations based on the phenomenon o f radio-activity, and that can m$ke the round o f the whole earth more than seven times in a second— takes 355 years to come to us from that star. Y et Delta Librae lies in shallow water. It is a gem cast up on a shoal, and all around it the mighty deeps o f the ether descend to profundi ties unthinkable. At ten times, a hundred times, perhaps a thousand times, its depth glitter the star sands o f the Milky way. T o our telescopes they appear to lie on the very bottom, drifted into heaps and curves by mysterious currents, but it cannot be the real bottom even there. Beyond yawn abysses so black with excess o f depth that the stars themselves, great suns that they are, fade to invisibility.— Gar rett P. Servisa in New York Ameri can. Gladstone and the Heckler. Mr. Gladstone was altogether in tolerant o f the heckler. During .his last Midlothian campaign he was questioned by Sir (then Mr.) John Usher o f Norton, who had once been Gladstone’s chairman o f com mittee, on the subject o f the Irish proposals, which sundered so many political friendships. T o one or tw o inquiries a curt reply was ven. “ Am I to- understand” — r. Usher was beginning. “ Under stand f” The old statesman leaped to his feet. “ I am responsible for the understanding that the Al mighty has put in this skull of mine,*’ tapping his forehead. “ I am not responsible,” pointing his finger at the questioner, “ for the understanding that He has put in that skull o f yours.” The effect o f tins rebuke was overwhelming. Mr. Usher sank speechless into his seat. — Westminster Gazette. s W h o« He DM «Better. A celebrated bishop once sat through a long and atrocious ser m on on a hot summer morning. T h e preacher was s youth just out o f college— a very conceited youth. H e bellowed through his sermon at the top o f hi» lungs. His gestures were violent enough to break his arms. At every climax he fixed the bishop with his eye to see if a suitable impression had been made. And at the end o f the service this m g snip swaggered up to the hop and said: “ I fancy I did rather well today, sir. Don’ t you think so ?” “ Yes,” returned the bishop; “ but you did better last year.” “ Last year!” said the young man. “ Why, I didn’t preach at all last year.” “ That’ s the reason,” said the bishop, with a pleasant smile. S Dissnahantad. “ Until I m et you, Matilda,” he murmured in a voice husky with emotion, “ I believed that all women were deceitful, but when I look into your clear, beautiful eyes I behold there the very soul o f candor and loyalty.” “ George,” she exclaimed with en thusiasm, “ this is the happiest m o ment I have known since papa took me to the London oculist!” “ London oculist!” “ Yes, dear; you never would have known that my left eye is a glass one.” Then the moon went under a clond, and George sat down and buried his face in the sofa cushion. — London Answers. The Tast* Far Hors*. Is our dislike o f horseflesh aim- ply prejudice? I f we may judge from the experience o f the inmates o f the legations, which Miss Hooker recounts in “ Behind the Scenes In Peking,” the Anglo-Saxon can easily acquire the taste. “ It ia queer,” the says, “ to see how many people ac knowledge that they like it, having eaten it now for two weeks. O f course, a great deal depends upon the animal, but they agree that mule and pony are better than horse. Some people, even, who have among their stores plenty o f canned As He Should Be. or tinned beef prefer the fresh “ After you’ ve been two weeks in horse meat.” the house with one o f these terribly handy men that ask their wives to Information Given. be sure and wipe between the tines A very pretty girl was standing o f the forks, and that know jnst in the hallway o f her home several how much raising bread ought to evenings ago, and the young man have, and how to hang out a wash who had been calling on her waa to each piece will get the best *un, taking an affectionate farewell. it'a a real joy to get back to the or Just as he kissed her fo r the last dinary kind o f man. Yes, 'tis so!” time the irate father stormed down Mrs. Gregg finished with much em the hall and demanded to know phasis. “ I want a man who should what the young man “ waa trying to nave sense abont the things he’ s fio.” meant to have sense about, but The young man said he waa “ try when it comes to keeping bouse I ing to look unconcerned” and then like to see him real helpless, the bolted.— Philadelphia Timse. way the Lord planned to have him !” E Som otinSi True. TH* Value o f Politanaas. Smartness is not always smart; indeed, smartness is not smart half the time. An act which half the people will say is smart will disgust the other half. But politeiiess is always politeness. Even honesty is not always accepted as honesty, and fairness is not always accepted aa fairness, but politeness always makes a favorable impression.— Atchison Globe. i The head master o f a school re cently put up a notice that on an early date he would lecture on the following subject: “ Our Eves, and How We See Through Them.” Shortly afterward he was aston ished to find an alternative title written underneath “ Our Pupils, and How They See Through Us.” — London Stray Sto ries MADE A GOOD BARGAIN. T k , Enterprise of a Trioky Old New England Woman.. Perhaps the strangest contract ever entered into between an indi vidual and a corporation was that which existed years ago between an enterprising old woman from New England, the widow o f a sea cap tain, and a transportation company operating steamships between Pan ama and Valparaiso. It appears that upon one o f the islands in Panama bay this woman possessed a bit o f property that the Pacific Coast Navigation company desired for a warehouse. When the negotiations between the company and the woman was inaugurated the Yankee dame drove a hard bargain. She made it a condition of the sale that the company should give her a life pass upon its steamers between the porta mentioned above for her self and a maid, to be used at her pleasure. The company acceded to this condition witnout misgiving, for it was thought only right to give her a sea voyage now and then. Ex perience, however, taught the com pany to think differently, for so soon as she had conveyed the title to the property and had received a card signed by the president and' general manager granting her pas sage at all times on their line she proceeded to move aboard their best steamer, selecting s stateroom, and cruised up and down the coast for several months. At the large ports-she would go ashore while the vessel was loading and unloading, but she always left the greater part o f her baggage in the stateroom and came aboard again before the sailing date. When she tired o f one steamer she would try another and was not contented with getting her living free of cost, but attempted to make a profit out o f the arrangement. She never before had enjoyed luxury o f a maid, but after the en trance upon this contract .with the company she on- several occasions brought a woman on board whom she introduced as such, demanding that she be allowed free passage. The company’s officers later discov ered that the old woman waa col lecting fare from these women—- that is, she was “ scalping” her pass they declined to carry any more “ maids.” This curious old dame continued to live aboard thé Pacific steamers until her death.— New York Press. Dr. Johnson Electioneering. Southwark was once the scene o f Dr. Johnson’s electioneering ener gies. This was in 1780, when John son’s friend Balph Thrale waa can didate for the division. Dr. John son wrote Thrale’ s address to the electors and on several occasions went canvassing in company with Mrs. Thrale. One night, as Boswell records, an excited burgess seized the doctor’s hat and, slapping him on the back, exclaimed, “ Ah, Mas ter Johnson, this is no time to be thinking about hats!” “ No, no, air,” returned Johnson. “ Hats are o f no use now, as you say, except to throw up in the air and huzza with.” And, seizing his own hat again, he showed how the thing should be done.— Westminster Ga zette. ________________ A Charged Man. In Scotland a man has reached the summit o f his ambitions when he attains to the magisterial bench. There waa one Scot to whom the honor seemed indeed an overwhelm ing one, and he tried hard to live up to it. This individual, deeply conscious o f his importance and oblivious to 'his immediate surroundings, was one day proceeding along a road when he plumped into a farmer’s cow. “ Mon,” protested the fanner, in dignant, “ mind my co o !” “ M on!” reiterated the officer “ I ’m no longer a mon. I ’m a bail- lie.” . Mother-of-pearl. In Russia mother-of-peari is used for ornamenting church vestments and in Austria for making beautiful jewelry; in Italy high relief cameos arecarved on mother-of-pearl shells, and in Turkey allegorical and orna mental designs are engraved on large polished shells which are known as Jerusalem shells. Natives of a number o f tropical islands make ornaments o f the shells, and in the south Pacific they use moth- or-of-pearl fishhooks, which are so bright that no bait or other lure is necessary. Hi« Compliments to tha Judge. - Bonaventure de Fourcroy, a clever society, poet of the seven teenth century, a splendid orator, an eminent advocate and inti mate friend o f Moliere to boot, on being asked one day by a magistrate what he meant to do with his son, replied, “ I f there is anythin» in him I ’ll make him a barrister; if not I ’ll make him a judge.” 2 (nited States Tfational ¡Sank = ™ bb = c = INEW BERG = = = = = = = = = = of Paid Up Capital $ 5 0 ,0 0 0 Surplus &, profits $ 1 4 ,0 0 0 Resources 4 0 0 ,0 0 0 ' • * • ' V ': ; '■ v -• * * . ^ I . , / ’■* /%* Banking in ail its branches. Interest paid on Tim e Deposits. Safety Deposit boxes for rent. Accounts o f firms and individuals solicited. J. L. HOSKINS, S. L. PARRETT, V ice P r « .t . J. C. COLCORD, C u k ier W . E. CROZER, A u t C u b . / SEE O U R W IN DOW S Red T ag Sale SEE OU R W INDOW S HIGH GRADE FURNITURE, RUGS AND CARPETS, ALL MARKED DOWN REGARDLESS OF CO ST Look for the red tags, thqy mean Money for you SEE Ô U R W IN D O W S W. W. Hollingsworth & Son SEE OU R W INDOW S TH E STORE O F Q U A LITY THE LAST CALL! Our Great Sale Will Positively Close on Saturday Evening, February 4th If you are interested in first class Men's, W om en's and Children's wi ring ap parel, at a genuine reduction, you had better visit our busy store by Saturday, February 4th and get your share o f the big bargains. Remember this sale is not an odds and ends, nor out o f date merchandise, but the latest and most up- to-date goods made in the Eastern markets. Clothing, Furnishing Goods, Dry Goods, Blankets, 50 to 20 per cent discount. Skirts at 20 per cent discount. Shoes reduced 3 3 i to 10 per cent discount. Furs reduced to £ less the regular selling prices. CLOAKS AND S U IT S W e still have a large selection, and present styles will be good this spring, so buy your cloaks and suit* now and save one-half to one-quarter from regular prices. NAYBERGER Successor to R. Jacobson M c M in n v il l e , O à Co. r e g o n » ♦ a s * * * * * * * * * * * * * e a * s a e a * * s * * a * a * a * * a a s a * a a * e a * e a * * * A s a a s * a a a a e # * * * < THE GRAPHIC OFFICE Has a big supply o f paper in all the leading tints suitable for letter heads, circulars, announcements, programs, etc. The nobbiest line o f business, society and personal cards ever shown in Newberg. Book and catalog printing. Estimates furnished
