»Between Two fires«
v
By ANTHONY HOPE
^ ^
“ Slipped hla memory, no doubt All
right Jones."
| “ May 1 go now, slrT“ said Jones. “ Mrs.
Jones wanted me to go wlth4ier.”
I saw all now. That old villain had
stolen the cable. And his excellency’s
words came back to my memory, “ 1 make
the moat of my opportunities).”
P ro *«*
I
" A w I m man w ill make more opportunities
than he fin ds.”
— Fran cis Bacon.
' C H A P T E R V I.— (Continued.) *
“ Hullo, Johnny! Why not at the
llouseT” said 1 to him. “ You’ ll want ev­
ery vote to-night. Re off and help the
ministry, and take Donna Antonia with
you. They’ re eating up the minister of
finance."
“ A ll right! I ’m going as soon as I ’ ve
had another muffin,” said Johnny. “ But
what’s the row a b o n tr
“ Well, they want their money,” I re­
plied ; “ and Don Antonio won’t give it
them. Hence bad feeling.”
“ Tell you what it is," said Johnny; “ be
hasn’t got a------”
Here Donna Antonia struck in, rather
suddenly, I thought.
“ Do stop the gentlemen talking poli­
tics, Madame Devarges. They'll spoil onr
tea party.”
“ Your word is law,” I said; “ but I
should like to know what Don Antonio
hasn’ t got.”
“ Now do he quiet,” she rejoined; isn’t
it quite enough that he has got— a charm­
ing dau ghterr
“ And a moat valuable one,” I replied
with a bow, for I saw that for some rea­
son or other Donna Antonia did not mean
to let me pump Johnny Carr, and I want­
ed to pump him.
“ Don’t say another word, Mr. Carr,”
she said, with a laugh. “ You know you
don't know anything.”
.
Meanwhile Madame Devarges was giv­
ing me a cup of tea. As she handed it
to me, she said in a low voice:
“ I f I were his friend I should take
cars Johnuy didn’t know anything, Mr.
\ Martin."
“ I f I were his friend I should take care
he told me what he knew, Madame De­
varges,” I replied.
“ Perhaps that’s what
the
Colonel
thinks,” she said. “ Johnny has just been
telling us how very attentive he has be­
come. And the Signorlna. too, I hear.”
“ You don't mean that?” I exclaimed.
“ But, after all, pure kindness, no doubt 1”
“ You have received many attentions
from those quarters,” she said. “ No doubt
you are a good judge of the motives.”
“ Don’t, now, don’t be disagreeable,”
«aid I. “ I came here for peace.”
‘ Poor yonng man! ■ Have you lost all
your money? Is it possible that you, like
Don Antonio, haven’ t got a----- ?”
“ What is going to happen?” I asked,
for Madame Devarges often had infor­
mation.
“ I don’t know,” she said. “ But If I
owned national bonds, I should sell.”
“ Pardon me, madams; you would offer
to sell.”
I did not see any need to enlighten her
further. So I passed on to Donna An­
tonia, who had tint somewhat sulkily since
her outburst. I sat down by her and
said:
y
“ Surely I haven’ t offended yon?”
“ You know you wouldn't care if you
had.” she said, with a reproachful, bat
not unkind glance. “ You will not let
your real friends save you, Mr. Martin.
You know you want help. Why don’t yon
consider the state of your affairs?”
“ In that, at least, my friends in Whlt-
tlngham are very ready to help me,” I
answered, with some annoyance.
“ I f you take it in that way.” she re­
plied sadly, “ I can do nothing.”
I was rather touched.
Clearly she
wished to be of some use to me, and for
a moment I thought I might do better
to tear myself free from my chains, and
turn to the refuge opened to me. But I
could not do this; and, thinking it would
be rather mean to take advantage of her
Interest In me only to use It for my own
1 purposes, I yielded to conscience and said:
“ Donna Antonia, I will be straightfor­
ward with you. You can only help me if
I accept youft-'guidance? I can’t do that.
I am too deep in.”
“ Yes, yon are deep In. and eager to be
deeper,” she said. “ Well, so be it. I f
that is so I cannot help you.”
“ Thank yon for your kind attempt,”
said I. “ I shall very likely be sorry some
day that I repulse it. I shall always be
glad to remember that you made It.”
She looked at me a moment, and said:
“ W e have ruined you amongst us.”
“ Mind, body and estate?”
She made no reply, and I saw my re­
turn to flippancy wounded her. So I rose
and took my leave. Johnny Carr went
with me.
“ Things look queer, eh, old man?” said
he. “ But the President will pull through
in spite of the Colonel and bis Signor-
ina.”
“ Johnny," said I, “ you hurt my feel­
ings : but still I will give yon a piece of
advice. Marry Donna Antonia.
She's
a good girl and a clever girl.”
“ That's not a bad idea.” said he. “ Why
don't you do It yourself?”
“ Because I ’m like you. Johnny— an
Idiot,” I replied, and left him wondering
why, if he was an idiot, and I was an
Idiot, one Idiot should marry Donna An­
tonia, and not both or neither.
Ah' I went, along I bought the Qasette,
the government organ, and read therein:
“ A t a Cabinet council this afternoon,
presided over by bis excellency, we un­
derstand that the arrangements connected
with the national debt formed the sub­
ject of discussion. The resolutions arriv­
ed at are at present strictly confidential,
but we have the beat authority for stat­
ing that the measures' to be adopted will
have the effect of materially alleviating
the present tension, and will afford un-
raixed satisfaction to the immense ma­
jority of the citisens of Aureataland. The
President will once again be hailed an
the savior of his country.”
“ I wonder If the Immense majority will
Include me?” said I. “ I think I will go
and see his excellency.”
C H APTE R T II.
The next morning I took my way to the
Oolden House, where I learned that the
President was at the ministry of finance.
Arriving there, I sent In my card, writing
thereon aa humble request for a private
Interview. I was ushered Into Don An
tonio'a room, where 1 found the minister
himself, the President and Johnny Carr.
A s 1 entered and the servant, on a sign
from his excellency, placed a chair for
■ a , the latter said rather stiffly:
“ As I presume this Is a busineas visit,
Mr. Martin, U is more regular that I
should receive you In the presence of one
of my constitutional advisers. Mr. Carr
is acting aa my secretary, and you can
speak freely before him.”
I was annoyed at failing In my at­
tempt to see the President alone, but not
wishing to show It, I merely bowed and
said:
“ I venture toa!ntrude on your excellen­
cy, in consequence of a letter from my
directors. They inform me that, to use
their words, ‘disquieting rumors’ are
afloat on the exchanges In regard to the
Aureataland loan, and they direct me to
submit to your excellency he expediency
of giving some public notification rela­
tive to the payment of the interest falling
due next month. It appears from their
communication that it is apprehended
that some difficulty may occur in the mat-
teg.” •
“ Would not this application. If neces­
sary at all, have been more properly made
to the ministry of finance in the first
instance?” said the President.
“ These
details hardly fall within my province.”
*T can only follow my instructions, your
excellency,” I replied.
“ Have you any objection, Mr. Martin,”
said the President, “ to allowing myself
and my advisers to see this letter?”
“ 11m empowered to submit It only to
your excellency's own eye.”
‘Oh, only to my eye,” said he, with an
amused expression. “ That was why the
interview was to be private?"
“ Exactly, sir,” I replied. “ I intend no
disrespect to the minister of finance or to
your secretary, sir, but I am bound by
my orders.” —
“ You are an exemplary servant, Mr.
Martin. But I don’ t think I need trou­
ble you about it further. Is It a cable?”
He smiled so wickedly at this question
that I saw he had penetrated my little
fiction. However, I only said:
“ A letter, sir.”
“ Well, gentlemen,” said he to the oth­
ers. “ I think we may reassure Mr. Mar­
tin. Tell your directors this, Mr. Mar­
tin. The government does not see any
need of a public notification, and none
will be made. I think we agree, gentle­
men, that to acknowledge the necessity
of any such action would be highly deroga­
tory. But assure them that the President
has stated to you, Mr. Martin, personally,
with the concurrence of his advisers, that
he anticipates no difficulties in your be­
ing In a position to remit the full amount
of interest to them on the proper day.”
“ I may assure them, sir, that tbe inter­
est will be punctually paid?”
“ Surely I expressed myself In a manner
you could understand,” said he, with the
slightest emphasis on tbe “ you.”
“ Au-
reataland will meet her obligations. You
will receive all your due, Mr. Martin.
That is so, gentlemen?”
Don Antonio acquiesced at once. John­
ny Carr, I noticed, said nothing and
fidgeted rather uneasily in his chair. I
knew what the President meant.
He
meant, “ I f we don’t pay, pay it out of
your reserve fund.”
Alas, the reserve
fund was considerably diminished; I had
enough, and just enough left, to pay the
next installment if I paid none of my
own debts. I felt very vicious as I saw
his excellency taking keen pleasure in the
consciousness of my difficulties, but of
course I could say nothing. So I rose
and bowed myself out, feeling I had gain­
ed nothing, except a very clear convic­
tion that I should not see the color of the
President’s money on the next interest
day. True,' I could just pay myself. But
what would happen next time? And if
he wouldn't pay, and I couldn’ t pay, the
game would be up. As to the original
loan, it is true I had no responsibility;
but then, If no interest were paid, the
fact that I had applied a second loan,
my loan, in a manner different from that
which my instructions authorised and my
own reports represented, would be inevit­
ably discovered. And my acceptance of
the bonus, my dealings with the reserve
fund, all this would, I knew, look rather
queer to people who didn't know the cir­
cumstances.
When I went back to tbe bank, revolv­
ing these things in my mind, I found
Jones employed in arranging the corre­
spondence. It was part of his duty to see
to the preservation and filing of all letters
arriving from Europe, and, strange to say,
he delighted in the task. It was part of
my duty to see he did this; so I sat down
and began to turn over the pile of letters
and messages which he had put on my
desk ; they dated back two years; this sur­
prised me, and I said:
“ Rather
behindhand,
aren't
you,
Jones?”
“ Yes, sir, rather. Fact is. I've done
’em before, but as you've never initialed
’em, I thought I ought to bring ’em to
your notice.”
“ Quite right— very neglectful of me. I
suppose they're all right?”
“ Yes, sir, all right.”
“ Then I won’ t trouble to go through
them.”
"They’ re all there, sir, except, of course,
the cable about tbe second loan, sir.”
“ Except what?” I said.
"The cable about the second loan,” be
repeated.
I was glad to be reminded of this, for
of course I wished to remove that docu­
ment before the bundle finally took Its
place among tbe archives.
Indeed, I
thought I had done so. But why bad
Jones' removed it? Surely Jones was not
as skeptical as that?
"Ah, and where have you put that?”
“ Why, sir, his excellency took that.”
“ W h a t!” I cried.
“ Yes, sir. Didn’t I mention It? Why,
tbe day after you and the President were
hers that night, his excellency came down
In the afternoon, when you’d gone out to
the Piassa, and said he wanted it. He
said, sir, that you'd said it was to go to
the ministry o f finance. He was very af­
fable, sir, and told me that It was neces­
sary the original should be submitted to
the minister lot kb inspection ; and as he
was passing by he’d take It np himself.
Hasn’t he given It back to you, sir? He
said he would.”
C H A PT E R V III.
The next week was a busy one for me.
I spent it in scraping together every bit
of cash I could lay my bands on. I f I
could get together enough to pay the in­
terest on the 1300,000 supposed to be in­
vested In approved securities— really dis­
posed of in a manner only known to Bis
excellency— I should have six months to
look about me. Now remaining out of my
"bonus” was nil, out of my "reserve
fund” $10,000. This was enough. But,
alas, how happened it that thb sum was
in my hands? Because' 1 had borrowed
$5,000 from tbe bank 2 I f they wopldu't
let their own manager overdraw, whom
would they? So I overdrew. But if this
money wasn’t back before the monthly
balancing, Jones would know t And I
dared not rely on being able to stop bis
mouth again. When I said Johnny Carr
was the only „honest man in Aureataland
I forgot Jones. Jones also was honest,
and Jones would consider it his duty to
let the directors know of my overdraft.
I f once they knew, I was lost, for an over­
draft effected privately from the safe by
the manager is, I do not deny It, decidedly
irregular. Unless I could add $5,000 to
my $10,000 before the end of the month
I should have to default!
This melancholy conclusion was re-en-
forced and rendered demonstrable by a
letter which arrived, to crown my woes,
from my respected father, informing me
that he had-unhappily become indebted to
our chairman in the sum of $10,000, the
result of a deal between them, that he
had seen the chairman, that the chairman
was urgent for payment, that he used
most violent language against our family
in general, ending by declaring his in­
tention of stopping my salary to pay the
parental debt. " I f be doesn’ t like It be
may go, and small loss.”
This was a
most unjustifiable proceeding, but I was
hardly In a position to take up a high
moral attitude toward tbe chairman, and
In the result 1 saw myself contrasted
with the certainty of beggary and the
probability of jail. 'But for this unto­
ward reverse of fortune I might have tak­
en courage and made a clean breast of my
misdoings, relying on tbe chairman’s ob­
ligations to my father to puli me through.
But now, where was I? I was, as Donna
Antonia put it, very deep in indeed. Bo
overwhelmed was I by my position, and
so occupied by my frantic efforts to im­
prove it, that I did not even find time to
go and see the Signoripa, much as I need­
ed com fort; and. hs the d*ys went on, I
fell into such-despair that I went no­
where, but sat dismally in my own rooms,
looking at my portmanteau, and wonder­
ing how soon I must pack and fiy, if not
for life, at least for liberty.
At last thfc crash came. I was sitting
in my office one morning, engaged in the
difficult task of trying to make ten into
fifteen, when I hear dthe clatter of hoofs.
A moment later the door was opened,
and Jones ushered in Colonel McGregor.
I nodded to the Colonel, who came in with
his usual leisurely step, sat himself down,
and took off his gloves. I roused myself
to sa y:
“ What can I do for you, Colonel?”
Ho waited till the door closed behind
Jones, and then said:
“ I ’ ve got to the bottom of it at last,
Martin. That old scamp’s villainy," said
be, jerking hhi thumb toward the Piassa
and the statne of the Liberator. “ He’s
very cute, but he’s made a mistake at
last.”
“ Do come to the point. Colonel. What’s
it all about?”
\
“ Would you be surprised to hear,” said
the Colonel, adopting a famous mode of
speech, “ that tbe interest on the debt
would not be paid on tbe 31st?”
“ No, I shouldn’t,” said I, resignedly.
“ Would you be surprised to bear that
no more interest would ever be paid?”
“ What do you mean, man?” I cried,
leaping up.
“ Tbe President,” said he, calmly, "will,
on the 31st instant, repudiate the national
debt!”
(T o be continued.)
She K a e w H e r Baalaeaa.
H e bad been sweet on ber fo r some
time and one evening be dropped In
on bis way borne from tbe office.
“ I hope you w ill excuse me for call­
ing in my business suit,” be said,
“ but----- ”
“ Ob, that’s all right,” interrupted tbe
fa ir maid, “ that Is, If you mean busl
ness.”
A i d the next day a downtown Jew­
eler separated him from a month's sal
ary in exchange fo r the ring.
A a o t k e r V ersion .
Jack was Just about to build bis fa ­
mous bouse.
“ W hy don’ t you get some men to help
yon?" asked a curious friend.
"N o, sir,” replied Jack, "they would
call a strike on me before the house
was finished. I ’ll build it myself.”
Thus we know why the bouse was
called "tbe bouse that Jack b u ilt”
oC M ld S I e a ie a .
Consumers o f fruits aud vegetables
In large cities are charged hlgib prices
by the hucksters and grocers. In Chi­
cago peaches aro selling retail fo r thir­
ty-five o r forty cents fo r a small basket
containing about twenty to twenty-five
peaches; other fruits, and vegetable* In
proportion. It would be Interesting to
farm ers to know Just bow much o f this
Is booked as profits. Farm ers get no
such p r ic e *; In fact they are lucky If
they get onwthlrd o f tbe prices now
C ro a ts* W k lt o D ucks.
prevailing In Chicago. Either some
Bulletin No. 64 o f the Departm ent class o f handlers Is making exorbitant
o f Agriculture says o f tbe Created profits or there Is an unnecessary ex­
W hite duck:
pense attached to tbe business o f dis­
Tbe Crested W hite duck Is what may tribution.
It costs money to handle
be called an ornamental duck, much tbe produce. It requires storage, horses
same as Pollsb chickens.
They are and men, and none o f these things are
not bred to any great extent In this cheap In the city, but there Is no good
country, aud they are very seldom seen reason w hy the consumer should pay
In tbe showrooms. They have no es­ three hundred per cent profit on what
pecial value to the farm er, as better the farm ers sell.— Farm, F ield
and
aud more easily bred birds are to be Fireside.
found In the Pekin and Aylesbury.
A a * lr a «U W h e a t C ro p .
These ducks have a medium-slxed
The annual crop and business report
bead: medlum-slxed bill, a large, well-
balanced crest upon tbe crown o f tbe o f the Commercial National Bank o f
h ead; a rather long neck; a medium- Chicago, covering the Mississippi V a l­
length back; breast, rouud and f u l l : ley, and a few o f tbe more Important
body, round and o f medium len gth ; States o f the Pacific coast, says, In
pa rt:
"T h e wheat crop o f 1906 w ill be
among the largest and best ever pro­
duced. T b e yield not only w ill
be
great, but tbe weight and quality w ill
be fa r beyond tbe ordinary. In these
respects It may be considered nearly
perfect. Tbe period o f uncertainty Is
closing rapidly and tbe crop may now
be called practically out o f danger.
Th e yield o f soft w inter wheat Is large,
quality the finest and movement free.
Inasmuch as this movement has begun
early and all grains are now nearly or
quite on an export basis (w ith the ten­
dency o f prices dow nw ard), a large ex­
port busineas may be expected.”
STEP W H ITE DUCK.
medium-length wings that smoothly
fo ld ; hard, stiff tall feathers, with
well-curled feathers In tbe tall
of
d ra k e; and short and stout thighs and
shanks. Th eir eyes are large and bright
and o f a deep leaden blue or gray color.
The ahanks, toes and webs are o f a
light orange color.
Tbe standard weight o f the adult
drake Is seven pounds; adult duck, six
pounds; young drake, six pounds, and
young duck, five pounds.
T h e R o b b er Cow.
Tw o cows cost $40 each a year for
keep. One o f them yields 4.000 quarts
o f milk a year, that bring $86. The
other yields 1,200 quarts, that bring
$20. T b e latter loses about $14 and
reduces tbe gain on tbe form er from
$46 to $32. W hy do you keep that 1.200-
quart cow? You would be better off with
the one that clears $40, for you would
have only half the Investment, h alf the
work and h alf the feeding, and you
would gain $14 each year.
There would be no surplus butter on
tbe market for years to come and
prices would rule strong If all the
cows were eliminated which are kept
at a loss. D airy farmers have not yet
h alf waked up to an understanding of
the great practical Importance o f weed­
ing out tbe unprofitable cows from their
herds. Many a man would make a fa ir
profit, that now faces constant loss, If
he would keep only such cows as pay
a profit on their keep.
W a te r Needed by Cara.
Much- Interest has lately been mani­
fested in determining tbs'exact amount
o f w ater required fo r the growth of
plants. This is Just as important In
the east as In the Irrigated region, fo r
w e often have droughts which made
necessary tbe most careful cultivation
to prevent plants from suffering. Pro­
fessor Clothier has found that after
corn becomes two feet high each stalk
uses up three pounds o f w ater a day
until the ears mature. This Is equiva­
lent to an Inch o f rain a week.
In
regions where the average rain fall Is
lower, and where a good, milky quality
o f sweet corn Is desired In the garden
during August and September, It is ob­
viously necessary to have the soil In
tbe most perfect state o f cultivation so
as to retain as much moisture as Is
needed.
F a t t e n i n g S tock.
W eight Is tbe main object o f the
farm er in fattening stock fo * market,
and this weight is easiest obtained by
feeding corn In order to produce fat.
Farmers have long been taught by ex­
perience that fa t Is a desirable quality,
and that it adds to the attractiveness
o f a carcass on tbe stall. I t has been
demonstrated at- the experiment sta­
tions, however, that the weight can be
secured at less cost, with a greater pro­
portion o f lean Interspersed w ith the
fat. by feeding a nitrogenous ration,
which means that, In addition to a lib­
eral supply o f corn, an animal should
receive a variety o f food that is not so
rich In oil, starch and sugar as Is corn.
T h is fact is worthy o f consideration.
“ A rabella,” galled tbe father from
the head o f tbe stairs, “ Is that young
man gone?”
“ Yes, father. Complete­
ly.”
Teacher— W by did the ancients be­
lieve the earth to be flat? Bright Boy
— Cause they didn’t have no school
globes to prove It was round.
“ I, sir,” began Bragg, “ am a self-
made man.” “ Yes,” Treplled Wise, “ but
why apologise now? T h at won’t help
matters.” — Philadelphia Press.'
Mrs. Madison— How do you like yonr
new neighbors? Mrs. Dyer— I don’t
know. I haven’t tried to borrow any­
thing yet.— Tow n and County.
Diggs— I understand that Higgins la
quite a clever financier. Biggs— Well,
be Isn’t
Why, that man never beat
anybody out o f a cent in bis life.
“ A lgy, don’ t you find married Ufa
more expensive than
bachelorhood?”
“ W ell, It may be more expensive than a
rigidly single life, but It’s cheaper thau
courtship.”
Senior Partner— There’s one thing to
be said In favor o f classical
music.
Junior Partner— W hat Is that? Senior
Partner— T b e office boy can’t whistle i t
— Chicago News.
Mrs. F lip— I have Just been talking
to a specialist, and he says my brain
vita lity has all gone to my long hair.
Do you believe It? F lip — W ell, er— I
knew It had gon e!— Detroit Free Press.
Medical Student— W hat did you op­
erate on that man for? Eminent Sur­
C m iu k c n .
geon— F iv e hundred dollars. Medical
I raise five crops'Instead o f one on Student— I mean, what did he have?
the same ground, and on the same vines Eminent Surgeon— F iv e hundred dol­
w ith hardly any extra work. Plant In lars.— Puck.
tbe usual way. Wheq a cucumber Is
A t the Garage.— Boy— Mr. Smith la
taken from tbe vine let It be cut w ith a telephoning fo r bis machine. Can you
knife. leaving about an eighth o f an send It to him to-day? Hepd Man—
inch o f tbe cucumber on tbe stem. Then Don’t see how we can. Why, this ma­
slit tbe stem with a knife from Its end chine Is tbe only one around here fit to
to tbe vine twice, leaving a small por­ use!— L ife.
tion o f the cucymber on each division.
“ Is there any available substitute fo r
On each separate slit there w ill be a
rubber T’ asked the Instructor o f the
cucumber as large as the first. By this
class.
“ Yes, sir,” answered Miss D e
method you w ill only need one-fifth the
Muir, one o f the fa ir coeds. “ I think
ground that you would need I f grow ­
’stare’ or ‘gape’ Is Just as good.” — Chi­
ing cucumbers in the old way.— W alter
cago Tribune.
Strosnider In Epltom lst
Green— I cannot understand why Do
Short wants a divorce. U is w ife had
M a rk e tin g F o ra » P ro d o c *.
A small farm er who has made a suc­ nearly half a million when he married
cess o f marketing his produce gives her. Brown— Yea, and she has %very
sound and Ingenious advice In a recent dollar o f It y e t Th at's tbe trouble.—
magazine. H is prelim inary work sug­ Chicago D ally News.
gests Hannah Olasse’s famous preface
-«Yes, I ’ m going to spend a few weeks
to her instructions fo r cooking hare: at Kloaeman’s summer
resort
My
First find a lady customer,” Is bis ad­ stomach Is all out o f order, and I need
vice. T o ber sell nothing but the a r e s t ” “ W ell, your stomach w ill get
choicest o f fru it and produce. I t w ill a good rest there, too.
I know the
not be long before she w ill acquaint place.” — Chicago Tribune.
her friends, and they In turn w ill pass
“ I suppose that some o f your battle
along the word to others. It pays to scenes are very realistic?” said
the
sell nothing but the best; tbe Inferior sympathiser. “ Yes.” said the bum actor,0
produce can be fed to stock, and In a “ I have Impersonated Napoleon at
short time the farm er w ill find he has W aterloo several times when real shells
a good market and a good price, with*
were bursting all about me.” — Kansas
no leakage o f profit to tbe middleman
City Times.
“ Mamma, wbat are twins?” asked lit­
H * s - l i * s l * s T ra p .
Th e fram e fo r this hog-rlnglng trap tle Bobby. “ Oh, I know,” chimed in
should be made o f 2x4-Inch lumber Dorothy, with all the superiority o f an
bolted together at corners. T b e dlmen- elder sister. “ Tw in s Is two babies Just
the same a g e; three Is triplets, four Is
quadrupeds and five Is centipede*. ” —
Harper’s W eekly.
“ You’ll have to fix tbe poem over be­
fo re I can buy It,” said tbe editor.
“ Th ere appears to be something the
matter with Its fe e t “ I would have
you understand, sir,” said the bard,
with dignity, “ that I am a poet and not
a chiropodist” — Cleveland Leader.
s im p u c
H oo-am oiN O
teap .
slona are 4 feet 2 Inches long, 2 feet 4
inches high and 1 foot 6 Inches wide.
There Is a sliding door at the back end.
When the hog puts his head through
tbe hole In front, Jam the lever against
his neck.
T ke F arm
T o o lk o a a e .
No building on the farm pays better
than a good toolhouse. It should be so
convenient o f access that there need be
no excuse fo r leaving farm Implements
exposed to the weather when not in
use. Properly cared for, many imple­
ments that now last only a few years
ought to be serviceable as long as tbe
W e ll; Yee.
farm er lives to need them. Besides, a
Aramluta
(exhibitin g the fam ily
tool that has not been rusted, warped
cherub)— Is there anything sweeter
and cracked by exposure w ill work as
than a baby?
w ell the second and third year o f use
Young Hpoonall— Why, ! sometimes
as the first. On many farm s tbe tools
think a baby’s 18-year-old sister is Just
ape so much Injured by being le ft out
a little— er---- ”
o f doors that after the first season they
W illin g M a rty r.
cost more fo r repairs than they save
H e a v y H orae*.
Merchant— I would be glad to give
In labor.
_________
Th
e
weight
o
f
a
horse
Is
an
Import­
you the position, voung man, but I
Olllnar Harm ***.
make it a rule to »mploy married men ant Item In estimating bis value for
d ra ft purposes, for the fine-boned bone,
T o give harness a good finish satu­
only.
Applicant— Beg pardon, sl«\ but have w ith well-developed musqles, may do as rate tbe leather with as much oil as It
much work as the heavy-boned one for w ill take, and then sponge the haroeea
you an unmarried daughter?
a short time, and Is even better fo r road with a thick lather made o f castlle
L ife .
purpose. But In plowing, or other soap. When dry. wipe gently w ith a
H 'a W ife — I ’m aw fu lly tired.
1 , heavy, steady drawing, the light horse solution o f gum tragacanth, which Is
spent tbe afternoon at my dressmaker’s . Is less useful. Then, In price, the mad* by boiling h alf an ounce o f the
trying to get a fit.
I w eight Is an Important Item. I f a good gum In tw o quarts o f water, boiling
H er Husband— I ’m tired too. I met , horse weighs over 2,000 pounds be may down to three pints, stirring freely
my tailor on the street and he gave poeslbly sell fo r' as much as $1 per w hile It Is on the fire. When cool apply
me fits.
pound, and from 1,900 to 2,000 pounds, It lightly on the leather.
fo r less, tbe price rapidly declining,
H ew A keet I l f
Whitt.
The coreiese apple
Eva — Yes, It was a long, long quar­ 1,200 to 1,500 pound horses selling at
from 10 to 80 cents per pound, though
Has been born.
rel, but they made up w ber they n>*<
I K Is considerably more than any other
But who won)d ask
at the card table tbe other night.
'g ra d e o f stock on tbe farm wlU bring
For cob leas coral
Edwin— Ah,
they
hastened
fc-
— New York Bun.
If the horses are w ell bred.
“ brldge” over tbe differen ce eh )
“ Tommy, what ancient king was It
who played on the fiddle while Romo
was burning?” “ Hector, ma’am.” “ No,
no— not Hector.” “ Then It was Dook.”
“ Duke? W hat do you mean. Tom m y?”
"W e ll, then it must a’ been Nero. I
knowed it wuz somebody with a dog’s
name.”
A reporter o f the Paris Matin tried
to purchase a genuine Rockefeller In­
terview w ith a check fo r $1,000. H e
failed. Th e proper way to make an
American m illionaire talk Is not to
offer him a thousand dollars, but to try
to get a thousand dollars aw ay from
him.— Puck.
“ I would like a pound o f your g o lf
sausage,” she said to the butcher. “ G o lf
sausage? Sorry, madam, but w e don’t
handle It.
W e have blood sausage,
llverwurst, ham sausage, and other
kinds, but no go lf sausage.” “ Oh, dear,
I ’m so sorry.
My husband said h*
much preferred the kind made In links.”
— Milwaukee Sentinel.
A little girl was out walking with her
annt one day. Th e aunt bowed to a
man they w ere passing. “ W ho Is he,
Annt Jennie?” asked the little girl.
Mrs. Littlefield told her that h e .w a s
Mr. Melrose, the village undertaker.'
“ Oh, yes,” replied tbe child quickly. “ I
remember him.
He undertook my
grandmother.” — Harper’s Basar.
“ Dubley has an auto now and b*
doesn’ t seem to do anything else but
chase around tbe country In I t ”
“ Yes, he’s very strongly attached t*
his machine and------”
“ H e wasn’ t the last time I saw him
on the road.
H e was about twenty
feet above I t "
N o « fe v H I * » .
“ I thought you said that law yer
would get my father’s property for
me.”
“ Didn’t he get It fo r you?”
“No; but bs got It”—Houston Post.