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* : k t i * i :\ u
k a t iim
Professional Cards................... ......... One Dollar
Ml I I M - R I P T I O *
I nro. Munthg.
K ra d in g X otiren w ill be in aerted at
th e ra te o f T e n c e n t» per L in e.
AdTortiaing Bills Collected Monthly.
S K IM M E R ’S EXPERIENCE.
A F u n n y F .d it o r M e e t s t h e K m b u d i u ie u t o l
H u m o ro u s C o n ce p tio n .
..................................... Two Italian
Mubarriptlon P r lr r P aya ble ( a v a r i-
a b ly ia A d v a n c e.
H u n t h e D a u g h t e r « o f N e w Y o r k M il l io n
a ir e s D is p o s e o f T h e i r A l l o w a n c e s .
OREGON, SATURDAY, MARCH 23. 1889.
A C o s t l y C o ll* c t l o n o f C r m t L i t e r a r y and
m C ru R i F a t h e r
W reck ed th e
p in e s s o f K a o t O ’ i a g H e a r t s .
H i s t o r i c a l M erits.
“ I have only an allowance of $10 a
The library attached to the old Til-
den home consisted of four large
Mr. Skimmer was the editor of a week for pocket money,” said the
“ So. Count, you desire to marry my rooms, magnificently mounted in Tight
humorous weekly. He had a very of a daughter millionaire in a confiden
natural woods, lighted by skylights
easy time of it, for he got a comforta tial moment tho other day. “ l’apa has daughter?”
These words came from the lips of and stained glass windows, and alto
ble salary, aud had nothing to do but such an idea of money, you know, and
he thinks I am widly extravagant to Reginald de Montmorenoy, the million gether one of the most beautiful, fas
As he had just turned into Broadway spend that small amount on candies, aire banker, as I 10 stood in the sumpt cinating "book rooms” in the country.
one morning, on the way to his office, a flowers, novels aud theater tickets. uously-furnished parlor ol his man But the .books, after all, aro the great
sion on G street, facingudistinguished est attraction, lu carvod eases reach
paper was thrust into his hand, on which Mamma orders all my clothing, you
know, and so, of course, I do not have gentleman of foreign appearance. The ing from ceiling to floor on every side.
tatter fervently replied:
to buy any thing that I really need.”
In handsome and costly bindings, and
ROUND AND AROUND,
“ Yes, yes, I do!”
holding tho ston'd thoughts o 4 the
“ It seems to me, doctor.” said olu f To many a young girl $10 a week
“ I’ ll lot you know my decision to brightest minds of all ages ami coun
Baggs, "that your bill has got surpris would seem suffieicient for pocket
money, aud, indeed, how many hun
tries, they show the bro:ui grasp ol
ter and I have arranged for a little mind, the delicacy of taste and the
"Perhaps,” said the doctor, “ but dreds of pretty aud clever girls are
supper at Ormsby’ s cafe this evening.
humanity of thoir collector.
you were got surprisingly around, there who can cot earn more than that
amount even by working hard each Will you join us?”
Mr. Tilden lovod rare books and fine
Looking up he saw an old gentleman day of tho week? But tiie average
editions, but he never bought a book
fashionable society girl has so many
walking beside him.
that did not have soil.‘thing in it, und
Gladys do Mpntniorency reclined on
The aged unknown bowed and said: demands on her purse that $10 does not
those who know bis* library list say
an excellent upholstered ottoman in a
“ I am the Kmbodiinont of the Humor go far.
that tlioro are no mediocre or worth
It is said that Jay Gould very gener boudoir tho furnishing of which must less books in it, or none with which
ous Conception, sir.”
Mr. Skimmer said he was happy, ously allows his daughter $25, and with have cost a good deal of monoy.
Mr. Tilden was not familiar.
There was a far-away look in her
this she not only supplies her own lit
"I think I could be useful to you, Mr. tle wallet, but gives to most of the
Skimmer,” said the Embodiment of the small charities.
art of tho earliest days of book-
muldng, including the first Cicero*
Shepard allow each of their six chil dearer to her than life. She was printed in 1465, tho two gn*at volumes
"In what way?" asked the editor.
“ In the last number of your paper,” dren a certain amount of pocket monoy
of Livy, printed in 1470 by tho De
pursued tho Embodiment of Humorouf each month, and they are all required Bologni, with his lustrous Italian eyes, Spiras of Venice, and many examples
Conception, “ you had this," and be
of Aldus. Elzovir, Flantin, Bodow,
them to their papas the first of each had given hor.
handed Mr. S. a cutting:
Etienne, Tomson. Baskerville and
month. The amounts are not large,
On it was:
Didot On his shelves can be found
ami are given more to make the little where her father, the opulent banker, the "Chansoms de Labarde,” the “ Met
OVERHEARD AT LTJRAY.
Guide—I could tell you things about millionaires understand the value of stroked hor silken hair and said:
“ Gladys, the Count has asked for amorphoses d’Ovid” and tho “ Temple
this cave that would make your hair money than aught else.
de Guido,” all famous for tho work ol
Willie K. Vanderbilt’ s three children
stand on end, sir.
Moreau, Mariliier and Brudhon, un-
are allowed plenty of monoy, but are
Tourist—I don’t think 30 .
equalod in their way as vignottists.
Guide—You are very bravo?
Still, the library was not to be com-
Tourist—I am totally bald.
pnrod with a number of others ns a
cent to the great dining-saloon, and if
book musoum. One thing ho did col
“ Dead sure.”
“ Do you consider that humorous, Mf a tiny drop of any coffee, milk or wine
“ Because, my child,” and his voice lect with avidity, and that was contem
is spiled on the snowy cloth tho of
poraneous pamphlets, satires, etc., ol
fender is fined 25 cents for each offense. grow tromulous with emotion, “ be all countries—tho class of books usual
“ Weil----- ” said tho editor.
"1 hope for your own sake you do A glass of water knocked over or a
ly suppressed or expurgated under the
dish let fall on the floor brings a fine Count at all. Mothinks that when watchful governmental eye.
“ If you know any thing about hu of 50 cents to tho culprit, and all tho I was erstwhile at Omaha I saw him claimed that his collection of this sort
mor," said Mr. Skimmer, testily, “ you
child, O, my child! Those gray hairs of literature was unrivaled, and shows
must bo aware that nothing is more sion.
a peculiar characteristic phaso of Mr.
“ What do I do with my $20 a week?” would indeed go in sorrow to the Tildou’s mind. The collection of law
difficult than to produce a continuous
series of short dialogues that are origi asked an only daughter of a Fiftli grave—this old heart would be rended books and legal literature of the
avenue millionaire, when asked the in twain—if I wore to see you iu tho library forms a remarkable exhibit,
nal. pointed and amusing.”
“ I know it full well. Still, you question. “ Well, not always tho same soup!”
Tho lovely girl's breath came in and this lino is probably unsurpassed
should not print a thing that is not thing. Last week I spent every cent
she twined her beautiful arms •u America. Among the specimens
original, pointed and amusing. Read of it on a lovely new parasol, to carry
of legal loro aro Grotlus, Puffendort
at a coaching parade, and then after about his neck, and whispered!
fliis, also from your papdr.”
and Burlamgner, an edition of Black-
The Embodiment gave Mr. Skimmer
stone, Bold in this country in 1796 for
erally purchase my flowers—you know
$100, at that time a big price for a
The editor for the first time appre l must have a fresh corsage cluster of
book, and Montesquieu’s “ De l'Espril
ciated tiie position of the doctor com violets every day—and they cost a dol We’ ll take supper wit^i him this even dos Lois,” which boars tho imprint of
ing, and I’ ll put him to a crucial test.
pelled to swallow his own physic: He lar a clamor.
“ Geneve, Chez Barrillot et fibs,” and
“ Then bonbons, soda, chocolate and Until then lot us abide in peace. Kiss
printed in 1649.
P E C U L IA R , V E R T .
those little trifles come to about $5, and
One of tho chief treasures of tho li
“ You don’t think much of Callow?"
a couple of matinee tickets, tea for my
Myriads of lights were gleaming in brary is Thomas Jefferson's diary, ii
“ Wouldn’t believe him under oath!”
old women at the Home for tho Aged,
“ But he’s certainly candid. Hu told new music and pupers eat up the rest, Orinsby's magnificent cafe when Mr. bis own hand, from January 1, 1791, t<
December 2M. 1803, during whieh time
mo he never spoke the truth."
i ain fearfully short sometimes, and 1 de Montmorency entered with Gladys
he was Secretary of State under Wash
draw in advance and forget to pay
“ Bah! he lied to you.”
ington, and Vice-President under
“ That paragraph, dear editor, is not back, don't you know? Papa used to
The Count was already there, and Adams for three years.
original, nor pointed, nor amusing.
allow me so much every quarter for
Altogether it was a princely gift that
“ Upon my word----- ”
my wardrobe and maid, but I was al the three sat down to u table together.
Samuel J. Tilden left to tho citizens ol
"What ho, waiter! Como hither!”
“ The humorist, though,” nddod the ways in deep water. Now I order what
This Btorn command from Mr. de Now York; great, not only for the
Embodiment of the Humorous Concep I want and have the bills sent to him.”
amount of money it meant, but for th*
tion, "lias one great difficulty to con
“ I do not think that tho wealthiest Montmorency was instantly obeyed.
hoarded treasures of printed lore, al
The waiter came to the tablo.
tend with. On the stage it is permitted New Yorkers are more than liberal in
Gladys could feel the color leave her ways his best loved companions.—N.
to use old contrivances.
The same allowing pocket money to their daugh
Y. Cor. Boston Herald,
properties, the same tinsel, the same ters," said tho principal of a fashiona cheoks.
She know thnt tho moment for the
lights, the same actors may be em ble 9 p-town sehool. “ My pupils are,
TALE OF A SHIRT.
ployed a hundred times on the stago to most of them, daughters of million great test was come.
Even tho stern lips of her father
pi oduee varying effects. The humorist, aires, and yet they have seldom enough
I T r ib u la t io n s o f G en era l G a r.
on tho contrary, must not only bring for their many little wants. U is wis quivered, and tho cold perspiration was T r i a l s f le iiik
lil in a B o r r o w e d G a r m e n t .
forth entirely new creations at every dom, not meanness, on the part of the
“ Looking at that big frame,” said
"Count, my daughter and I only
manifestation, but his material must oe parents, I think.” —N. Y. Sun.
care for a steak and a cup of coffee. an Ohio Congressman, standing in front
wholly original as well as his produc
of the Garfield stutue in Statuary Hall
W ill you order for us?”
SELECTING AN EMPRESS.
He may not employ the same
with somo friends, “ reminds me of a
properties more than once."
certain tale of a shirt. In 1879, Tom
“ Then why your condemnation?”
An edict from the Dowager Empress throughout the vast room as he said: Ewing and Fostor woro running for the
asked Mr. ¡Skimmer.
“ Slaughter in the pan and draw one Governorship of Ohio. Bishop was
"Because to be simply funny is not to of China has been published announc
Governor, and Garfield was tho pros-
bo humorous. Clowns and jesters are ing that Yeh-hoh-na-la, the daughter in the dark twice!"
pective Senator if Foster succeeded
intended to provoke mirth, but tho hu of the Manchu brigadier general. Kwei-
Reader, there Is but little more to and the Legislature went with him.
morist should appeal to our intelloct as. siang (younger brother of tho dowager
The four of them, in July, wore gath
empress), has been selected as the con add.
well as to our risibility."
Crushed and broken, Glndys rotirod ered in Sandusky to boom a local af
“ I’ll tell you what i’ll do, said Mr. sort of the youthful Emperor of China,
Skimmer; “ 1 11 let you edit the paper and that two girls named Ta-ta-la, to a convent to end her life in quiet fair and themselves. Garfield and
Foster woro entertained at the hand-
daughter of Chang-shuh, a Manchu and solitude.
vice president of tho Pekin Board,
Tiie offer was accepted.
Tho count left for his native country ■omo house of Mr. Moss. An elegant
At the end of tho first month the hu aged fifteen and thirteen years re on foot, but a hay-stack in which he reception was given, and when it was
morous weokly's circulation had drop spectively, have been chosen for the was sleeping one night took fire, and time to dress, Garfield discovered he
had no change of linon. His wife had
he perished in the flames.
come on wilh him from Elyria, and he
Tho process of selecting the Em
T H E EN D .
“ We’ ll have to part,” said Mr. Skim
expected her to bring him changes of
peror’ s consort is interesting. After
mer; “ I’ m being ruined.”
—Lincoln (Neb.) Journal.
underclothes, but she misunderstood,
“ The public must be educated up to two inspections, at considerable inter
and among her effects Garfield could
Nine In the Calendar.
me,” said the Embodiment of Humor vals, the number of candidates «’as re
naturally find nothing to console
duced to thirty-one, who aro tho
“ The number ‘ nine’ has come into
“ It would take a thousand years," daughters of mandarins of above the the calendar to stay one hundred and him in his dilemma. The shirt
ho woro was soiled with many
fourth rank, and, of course, of Manchu
aaid Mr. Skimmer; “ you must go!”
eleven years,” remarked the almanac hours of riding, tho reception wag
So he went The best paragraph in extraction. These thirty-two young editor, thoughtfully.
being held and he was wanted. Mr.
the next number of the weekly was the ladies were conveyed in carts to tho
•It will have a big run, but I
palace ia the early morning nt two doubt if it will see the world advarce Moss was a slight, slender man. and
/clock. They entered by the “ Gate of as much as has the ruling 'eigh t' of his shirt wouldn't do. Foster's shirts
THE BEST THING TO DO.
“ Begorra, Mrs. Clancey, me ould the Southorn Sea;” which they crossed this century. My father tells me that woro too far short in tho tails, bosoms
in six boots, and were conducted to he can remember back to the time and sleeves, and too small around the
man’s on a tear.”
the palace, which they reached at when there was no spinning-jenny, no neck. The shirt of O'Hagan, a local
“ Then let him rip, Mrs. Dennis."
The paper is now proving a gold mine three a. ra. A splendid banquet was sewing-machine, no telegraphy, no politician, was suggested, ■ but he
then spread before them, after which merchantable electricity, no tele weighed three hundred pounds, and
for its owners.—Life.
they were ushered into the presence of phones, no natural gas. When he bo Garfield had not trousers room onough
A DANGEROUS PLACE.
her Majesty, the Empress Dowager, gan life wool was carded by hand. in which to keep tho extra linon. But
by groups of four or five. It may in No looms caught with lightning something had to be done, and at last
W l ia t a S t r a n g e r H e a r d in a F a m o u s
W e s t e r n H e a lt h R e a o r t .
terest the ladies to know that her Maj rapidity the threads of cotton.
It they had to make shift to use ono ol
Stranger Can you direct me to the esty woro on one occasion an aprieot was picked and worked by hand. Foster’s shirts. It was a desperate
yellow silk long dross with a black Calico was worth one dollar a yard. resort. The shirt was pulled over
Citizen with Ague—He's at home velvet jacket. Each girl carried a Jeans and cloth for men's clothing the head of tho burly Garfield, a string
was used to connect the flying ends ol
tablet bearing her name and age, also was made by hand.”
the name of her father, banner, etc,,
the neckband, and the skirts were
“ Where is the postmaster?”
“ And still there is progress?”
which was presented to the Empress
“ He's gone away for his health."
“ True; but I doubt If there oen be pinned down into the pantaloons to
while the girls stood before her. After as much for the generation no\r chil keep them from slipping up over the
“ Then where is the marshal?"
"It is reported he’s dying up at somo interrogations, and in no few dren to recall in old age as the o’.d waistband, in which event tho great
eases even monitory words for having men now speak of from experience. commoner would have presented a
continued to shave the forehead, her Do you imagine that we will fly; peculiar appearance for a swell recep
Majesty formed her opinon of the can that we will annihilate winter; that tion.
didates, which, when unfavorable, was we will fight, our battles ten miles
“ The storekeeper?”
“ When Garfield appeared ho was a
“ Hasn't been out of bed since last signified by handing the girl’ s tablet from tho enemy, and do other equally distressed-looking community. iiis
to one of the eunuchs, with tho order to wonderful things before ‘ nine’ goes cuffs disappeared up his coat sleeves
“ The express agent?”
■resent the rejected aspirant with a roll out of the calendar? If not, then we and liis hands looked as big as hams.
• He died at the same time the hotel of silk. The girl with the silk was then 1 will hardly progress as generations His manner of blooming cordiality and
man aud druggist did.”
taken back to her cart never more to now passing away have.” —Indian shoulder slapping disappeared and he
“ Well, where's the minister?"
participate in the imperial matrimonial apolis News.
moved cnutionsly, like one who is
m • ^
“ He went down to preach at a few competition. The selection of a new I
afraid something is going to give way.
fnne. als this morning and pretty soon Empress inflicts a serious burden on ' — “ I don't see why you can't get His friends took pains that every body
they sent for the doctor to come and sou many poor men whose daughters aro ! rioA You sell a mainspring for $1.50 present should learn the situation, and
him. I recson he won't last long."
eligible and must be presented, but that only costs you ten cents." “ That Garfield was greatly hectored by the
“ Well, I hope the doctor is all righ t" who have little means to defrai the may be true, sir, but we have Ur keep gentl-men. He stood it until, forget
“ He was taken down about an hour expenses incidental to journeying to th: ee clerks to wait on the lady shop- ting himself in his natural gallantry,
ago. and won't more than get through Pekin and frequent visits to the palace. I tiers, and we must get our money back he stooped suddenly to pick up a lady's
Most of them pray to be put out of their | in some way."—Jewelers’ Weekly.
handkerchief, when there was a crack
“ Why. what kind of a place is this?” misery at the first inspection, and those
and a rending ol linen that was dis
—Ella Wheeler Wilcox says she will I
“ bay. is it possible you don't know who survive to the last and are then
rejected are really to be pitied.— North •top writinw poetry when she reaches I tinctly audible. Mr. Garfield then rw
Hint this is the biggest health resort ia China News.
_____ . . .
- ■■ -■
- - !
F O R
1 C h 1 ! i 1 > 1 ì n ] il '( 1
1 ^ 8 5 .
“ Live 1< w sud sparingly till my di-bis he paid ; bui lei thè learnirg o
thè cbililiTn Li liberili ; “paie no enei, f-r by sudi piirsiinouy all is lost flint i*
M A Y e d .” —
William Pentì to his wije.
BOARD OF TRUSTEES.
I . H. W o o d w a r d , President,
J e sse E d w a r d s ,
J e s s i H obson .
G e o id e
\V Mire H r l i ., Secretary und Ticio-urer,
M il k *
E d w in M o r r is o n , B. S.,
E. M il e s , A. B.,
A nna E. B e l l ,
Fall Terni Ingiù»
9Ui month, l i, 1888
Fall Torni elodea
liti) month, 30, 1888
Win ter Terni bigina
12tli month, 3, 1888
Wintcr Terni cloaca
3d month, 1, 1889
Hpring Terni begins
3d month, 4, 1889
Hpring T im i cloaca
5 h month, 9 1889
Announcement and Prospectus.
Friends’ Pacific Academy is located at Newberg, Yamhill county, Ore
gon, on the Portland and Willamette Valley railroad, twenty-two miles from
Portland, and one mile from Rogers’ Larding on Willamette river.
It was opened for pupils .September 28th, 1887), and had enrolled during
the first week nineteen pupils. The second school year begun Hcptemher
13th, 188(1, »iili «n enrollment of twenty-six, and (lie present school year
ope ii 1 tl Si pteinher 12l!i, 1887, with an enrollment of fifty-one, and the wintei
term, Di ceinlier 3.1, with an enrollment of 110.
At the time of the 1 pening of the school only the Academy building was
erected, and only the lower story of it was completed.
During the summer
of 1886 the boarding hull and three cottages fur pupils ho .riling themselves
were constructed, und during the rummer of 1887 the hall for gymnasium
and hoy»' dormitories was comuienci d and the Academy building was com
The trustees hope to he able to add other buildings as they are
For Catalogue or information address
E D W IN MORRISON, Principal.
E. H, W O O D W A R D , President of Board.
T li® C a r e e r o f th® H on a n d F r o b u h l® Su® .
c u » « o r o f fcli® I r o n C h a n c e lo r *
The common desire of famous fa
thers to have their sons succeed them
in tho following generation Is rarely
satisfied. By many this is regarded
as an evidence of what Is known nr
“ fate." Might not «no better consldoi
It as proof that intellect, like matter,
is subject to a forco similar to that of
gravitation, which draws downward
and which can only be overcome by
counlorforces, such as rare energy, ex
ceptionnl ability and opportunity!
John Quincy Adams and William Piti
are among tho very few statesmen » h>
bave equaled or surpassed illustrimi..-
fathers. That Count Herbert von Bis
marck will ever equal "the Iron Chan
celor" In statesmanship probably n<
one believes, but his intellectual and
political training has b<-on so remark-
ab'.o that the basis of the doubt must
be in the conviction that such grand
opportunities will not recur, rather
than in the belief of lack of nbillty in
the son. At Herbert's age thirty-nln.
—the great Bismarck’s career hnd
hardly begun. His many student duel
were still remembered In Gottingen:
in Pomerania his nume was familiar,
for all the people hnd heard of bis
daring pranks and drinking bovta, by
which he bad gained the name of “ the
mad young nobleman;” he had served
three or four years in Parliament, and
shown a furious temper, and had made
a small h>-g-inniiig in diplomacy—that
was all; he had given no sign of genius,
no proof of statesmanship.
Herbert, tho older of Bismarck’s two
sons, was horn at tho end of 1849. He
was educated at Frankfort, Berlin and
Bonn, at the last of which cities he
took his university degree. When ihe
war with France began, Herbert was
vnly twonty-ono, and his brother Will
iam only eighteen, but both jolnod the
army. Both wuro also wounded In the
aliurge of tho Prussian Dragoon Guards
at Mara-la-Tour. Herbert’s political
career began ns long ago as 1873. Ho
was first attached to missions at Mu
nich and Dresden, and then became
Secretary of Legation ut Bern. From
the first, Bismarck seems to have
planned to make his son bis successor.
Except where great distance rendered
It impossible, young Bismarck has
constantly boon his father's confiden
tial secretary. When the £rnat diplo
matists of Europe met In Berlin in
1378, the Chanceler made ample pro
vision for the diplomatic apprentice
by having him act as one as the assist
ant secretaries. That he might give
special attention to different language«
und -taatoms, he was for some time con
nected with the legation at London,
then with that at St. Petersburg,
and finally advanced to the posi
tion of German Minister at The Hague,
By 1835 his progress had been so satis
factory to his father That the latter
thought It time for Count Herbert
to begin to learn how to play
the great game of diplomacy at Ber
lin. ilo was therefore recalled
advanced to the Under-Secrotaryship
for Foreign Affairs. Since then he
has been nromoted to the Secretary
ship, and In his diplomatic position
ranks next to his father. An educa
tion In diplomacy could not be more
complete or more logical; and It might
be doubted If there was ever another
one so much so.
Since the advent of the youthful
Emperor tho old Chancelor seems to
find groat pleasure In seeing the two
men of the future yoked together and
parading before all Europe as if
they were the real leaders of Ger
many. Young Bismarck has been
the almost constant companion and
adviser of the Ern|>eror In his recent
travels. Unless this Intimacy ceases,
or the present Chancelor die* within a
year or two, evory thing seems to in
dicate that Count Herbert will oe his
In personal appearance Count Her
bert Is one of the very few handsome
men one sees In Gormany outside of
the army. Like his father, he Is ove?
six feet In height, and Is of splondld
proportions. His face is finer than his
father's, and consequently does not
•how so much intense personal energy.
Instead of the father's fine bald head
and white mustache, the son naa a
heavy growth of dark brown hair and
a dense mustache of the same color. —
— ieacher— "In what part of the hu
man frame Is the liver?”
“ Right In the middle—the bacon is y .
the other side.”