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About Valley record. (Ashland, Jackson County, Or.) 1888-1911 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 10, 1889)
MR. DUNDER DISGUSTED. HIS MASTER-PIECE. Hox Flaaagaa Flanagan Gat Three Haa- drea aad Fifty Uollars for Elcrao. “Well, what’s the matter with you?” queried Sergeant Bendall as Carl Du ri der limped into the station house the other day aad flung himself down on the nearest chair. “Sergeant, I vhaa here to bid you good-bye.” “Xo!” “I »hsuigning back to Shermany.” **I declare! What put that into your head?-’ “I vhas seek und tired. I can't un derstand de»e people«. Nopody vhas two time« alike in America.” “But you told me you were going to (Ma for aiderman, and that you had caught on to American politics.” “Dot Than my troubles. I belief I know all aboudt her, but I know noth ings. I vhas going to run for aider mans. I promise dot hay scales to feefty men. I promise twenty men dot dey shall be janitor of der City Hall. I promised more as one hoonered fel lers dot dey shall work for the city for three dollars a day.” “That was right That's the way moat of the candidates do.” •Tes, but I don't understand. Three days ago a feller comes in my place und nays vhas I Carl Dunder? I vhas. Did you promise dot eastern hay scales to my brudder if he wote fer you? I did. Vnd did you promise her to more ash twenty odder fellers, too? I did. Vhell, you vhas a fraud und a liar, und now you take dot on der nose! Und he gifs me sooch a thump dot I see more ash feefty stars flying aroundt Ilow does it come dot some Americans can work dot dodge und be all rightF’ “Well?” "Vhell, I told you der odder day dot I promise more ash feefty men dot dey shall be engineer of the City Hall if dey wote forme. In comes a man in my place mit his hat on his ear und says vhas I Carl Dunder? I vhas. Vhas yen going to run for some alder mans? I vbua. Did you promise all my crowd dot each one of us should run fler engines mit der City Hull? 1 did. Den, Sergeant, he gifs me sooeb , a blow on my mouth dot I can’t eat meat for seex months, und vhen he goes avhay he says dot forty-nine more fellers vtias to come after him. Some American candidates can promise dot «hop to one hoonered fellers und be all right. How vhas she?” "I don’t know.” “Und pooty queek a feller comes in my place und says vhas I dot oldt Dutchmans who vhants to be an aider man? I vhas. If I vhas elected he shall get all der paving shobs und makes lpts of money. He calls me a liar und says I promise dot same thing more ash two hoonered times, und he mops me on my floor und goes avhay like a lark. If it vhas some American candidate he vhas all peaches. How vhas she?" “I don’t know.” “Vhell, eafcry day somepody cotnei und calls me a liar und says I should be kicked. Eafery day comes some feller mit bis hat on his ear und charges me mit holding him oop for a sucker. My boy Shake vhas scart , w avhay, my wife vhas seek abed und 1 haf to look up my place or be kilt.” “It's sad lines,” mused the sergeant ' “Und so I guess I shall go hack tc Shermany. In dot country I vhas all right. If a man Bprevhena to me tn Dutch I know vhat he vhas. If he shpeaks to me in Yankee may be he . a fool of me. I like to go by J BiR TStiftYnoh Count-ft and be a great man, but I can’t stand sooch a racket. I vhas a good enough liar, but I leai something else out all der while und der dear peoples tumbles to me. Bare- well, sargoant. You vhas always twe times alike, unilT shall feel, good by you when I sm far ..avhay. If yon meet some rtider Dutchmans shu3t spheak mit him und tell him to keep out of dose politics.”— Detroit Fret Press. ■ a m. » A Few Fashion Notes. «jBm- Ifenjf-mournlng brooches arc pansies c: lusterless black enamel with a diamond conter. Linked sleeve-buttons are seen re sembling coupled coffee beans. One will be silvor, tho other a copper tint, a third gold and a fourth oxidized silver. Ivory salad spoons and forks are elaborately carved and stained very dark. The edelweiss, with its thick furry petals and centers of pearls is th< latest flower brooch. Earrings in form of stirrups, on< sidessot with diamonds, the other wit! sapphires, are a novelty. For table ware the prettiest article» are silver and cut glass in combination. Nurses' aprons of white lawn have two broad widths that almost meet be hind, and are trimmed with rows ol insertion and tucks above a hem. The cap of white muslin has an Alsaciao bow of embroidery, or else loops ol colored ribbon are around the crown. Those worn by foster-mother or wet- nurse have ribbon ends that hang be hind almost to the edge of her dres; skirts. A ball of cut steel mounted on a sten; of black enamel is a favorite hat-pin — N. Y. World. —Analysis of natural gas shows the proportion of each constituent in 100 parts of the gas to be as follows: Car bolic acid and carbonic oxide. 6-1C each; oxygen, 8-10; olefiant gas, 1; ethylic hydride, 5; marsh gas. 67; hy drogen, 22; nitrogen. 3. —The hand-made time pieces of the Swiss and French, who have so long held the supremacy as clockmakers, are not now regarded as superior to those of American machine make. The Amer- eap machine-made watch is as finished and accurate as its foreigh competitor, and is. of course, vastly cheaper. —PeddTer'(to boy)—“Is your ma in, sonny?” Boy—“Yes. ma's in. What cher got? Ribbon, fixin's an' things.” Peddler—“Yep.” “Ma'll be glad to look at 'em. There was a peddler here -last week for two hours an' a half.” Peddler—“Did your ma buy much?” Boy—"She didn’t buy any thin’. She never be}- of peddlers; but ma’s a kind-hparied woman, an’ is always willin’ to look. Come in. Don't be ’fraid of the dog—lie's just had some meat.” But tho peddler was evidently uirxid of the dog.—boALn Days. —Taking the Safe Side.—Mother-in- law (who is going home after a visil of six months)—“Have we plenty ol time. Witherspoon? I mustn't gel left" Mr. Witherspoon (dubiously) —“Well, it's ten minutes' walk to th< station, and the train will leave it about an hour and a half. To be or the Safe side, I think we had belte.* ■tart at once."—A". }". Tribune. This is the age of barn-door art—that kind of art which represents a powder- horn. a rabbit and a lot of other things hanging against a barn door in such a way that no one would suppose they were painted at alL but were really hung there. Over such a picture some people go wild with joy. The naturalness of a nail-bead, or the folds iu a felt hat carry them away, and make them feel better satisfied with themselves and every thing else. Flanagan Flanagan had painted many a Landscape, to which he conveyed the subtle impressions made upon him by nature. You could feel the crimson leagues of calm in his twilight marine as keenly as you could the musical rustle of his silver birches. But so great was the rage for photo graphic painting that Flanagan Flana gan. in spite of his seLf-respect and pro fessional pride, felt that he would for once have to give the public what it wanted, because he was in need of the ever potent shekels of silver that en able a man to step out into the gloam ing through the front door, without stumbling over the wolf. So Flanagan Flanagan sent a canvas, representing an old one-dollar bill slightly crumpled, to a well-known an nual exhibition. The pa;>ers began to rave over it in half-oolumn notices. People who went to the exhibition stood and looked at this canvas, as they looked at no other. “How natural the eyebrows of Washington look,” said one enthusi astic young lady; “and the lace ou his collar Is just perfectly lovely!” “I never saw any thing like that be fore,” said a bald man, who looked first a; the canvas and then at a one-dollar b.ll which he held in his hand; “now that's what I call painting." And so It was with every one. One would become entranced with the hair lines, and another over the signature of the Secretary of the Treasury in the lower corner. After a while it was so much talked about that it was considered the proper thing to see, if only to be in fashion. Flanagan Flanagan ran the price up until it reached three hundred and fifty dollurs, and it was nip-and-tuck between three bar-rooms, four prune merchants and several capitalists to see who should secure the prize. There is nothing like barn-door art for the United States of Chicago,” said Flanagan Flanagan to a brother painter at the fifty cent table d’hote a day or two later: “they don't want the ‘Keene Valley,’ or the ‘Murmurous Megallo- way,’ or ‘Near Gloucester,’ or ‘Twi light’s Soothing Hush,’ or any thing that breathes nature in every line. They want pictures of beer bottles hang ing on antlers, or any old vest painted in such a way that the buttons look as though they were about to fall off. They will go wild over a neatly painted grease spot on the lapel, or a buckle showing the steel through the japan ning. After awhile, instead of visiting Milford or the coast of Maine in sum mer, we shall all be making studies for future triumphs in old junk shops and second-hand clothing stores. The banjo is our national instrument, and we must paint to suit banjo people." “But did it not cost you a good deal of patience?” inquired his friend. •Nut atm.,“ replied rianagan: **n only cost me ten dollars for the frame, stretcher and all. The one dollar bill was a genuine one, ingeniously stuck on the background of gray paint. That’s how I got three hundred and fifty dol lars for eleven.— Puck. IN CASE OF FIRE. How It May Be Confined to a Single Room for Some Time. In a lecture before the Society of Arts, London, Mr. A. W. O. Ghean gaf-e the following concise and simple directions how to act ontheoeourrence of fires. Fire requires air; therefore on its appearance every effort should be made to exclude air; shut all doors and windows. By this means fire may be confined to a single room for a suffi cient period to enable all the inmates to be aroused and esitipe; but if the doors and windows are thF'-wr. open, the fanning of the wind and draught will instantly cause the flames to in crease with extraordinary rapidity. In u room a table cloth can be so used as to smother a large sheet of flame and a cushion may serve to beat it out; a coat or any thing similar may be used with an equally successful result A wet silk handkerchief tied over the eyes and nose will make breathing possible in the midst of much smoke, and a blanket wetted aud wrapped around the body will enable a person to puss through a sheet of llame in comparative safety. Should a lady’s dress catch fire, let the wearer at once lie down. Rolling may extinguish the fire, but if not any thing (woolen pre ferred) wrapped tightly round will ef fect the desired purpose. A burn be comes less painful the moment air is excluded from it. For simple burns, oil or the white of egg can be usod. One part of carbolic aeid to six parts of olive oil is found to be invaluable in most cases, slight or severe, and the first layer of lint should not be removed till the cure is complete, but saturated by the application of fresh outward layers from time to time. Linen rag, soaked in a mixture of equal parts of lime water and linseed oil, also form a good dressing. Common whiting is very good, applied wet and continually dampened withasponge. —Philadelphia Press. —A young lady recently returned from boarding-school, being asked at table if she would take some more cabbage, replied: “By no means, madam; gastronomical safety admon ishes me that I have arrived at the ultimate of culinary deglutition con sistent with the code of Esculupius.” —One of them was just coming out of the post-office; the other was going in. They stopped, shook hands, smiled, and the first one observed: “Quite a swell affair, that of Smith’s.” “Indeed! What was it?” “A boil.” And then they separated without shak ing hands. —Husband (who has advertised for a typewriter expert)—“Did many call to-day, my dear, in answer to the ad vertisement?-’ Wife—“Yes, quite a number; but there was only one appli cant whom I told to call again. He seems bright, and I’m sure you will like him.” Husband—“What was the trouble with the rest?” Wife—“They were all young women."— N. Y. Sun. —landlady (delightedly, to new boarder)—“I must congratulate you, Mr. Byseps, on your ability as a car ver. You dismembered that chicken beautifully.” Mr. Byseps—“Thanks. I deserve no special credit. I'm a stonecutter.”— Pittsburgh Bulletin. PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. SOME ROYAL DIVORCES. A French, an English and a German Casa tn Oar Own Century. —A fisherman will always be ro ;- 1' The case of the unfortunate Queen reeling a great deal when the fl’hing i« good. Perhaps it is the bait.— Boston Natalie does not stand alone in the history of royal ladies. In our own Post. —Husband—“You are not the cook century there have been three royal my mother use to be. my dear.” Wife divorces, but, perhaps, the lot of none —“No, John, fortunately. You musn't of them was so painful as that of the forget that your father died of dyspep young Queen. The^irst sovereign who was divorced from his wife was Napo sia."— Texas Siftings. —If a man knew as much when he is leon I. He abandoned Josephine Beau- harnais in order to marry the Arch sober as he thinks he does when drunk. duchess Maria Louisa, of Austria. As Solomon's sayings would be nowhere there w as no real cause for the divorce compared with his wisdom.— Spring it was put forward on behalf of tho field Union. Emperor that the marriage was cele —Some girls go to boarding-school brated by a Republican priest only, to learn how to board. When graduated and. therefore, it was not valid ac they marry and do not keep house. A cording to the church of Romo. The few housekeeping and finishing schools excuse was a very weak one, and, in would be useful.— N. O. Picayune. deed, quite absurd, as the Pope, at the —“Your singing is delightful. Miss conclusion of the concordat, had given Ethel.” said Mr. Bore. "It fairly car a dispensatio a radice to all marriages ries me away.” “Indeed,” returned celebrated since 1789; but the Emper Miss Ethel, with a yearning glance at or’s wish was at the time the supreme the clock, “I hadn't noticed it.” law for the Episcopal consistory in —A Philadelphia paper, in an article Paris, and the divorce was granted on on household economy, asked: “Is the payment of a certain fine “ accord there a wife in this city to-day that ing to the means ” of the parties. 'The makes her husband's shirts?" The most notorious royal divorce case in following answer was received by re recent English history is, of cdurse, turn mail: “I do, but he won’t wear that of George IV., of England, who em. wanted to get rid of his wife, the poor —An Independent is a man who Princess Caroline, from whom he had leaves the other party to join our party. lived separate for many years. A bill A renegade is a man who leaves our was introduced into Parliament for the party to join the other. An offensive purpose, and was strenuously opposed partisan is a man who belongs to the on behalf of the Queen by Henry other party and sticks to it— Boston Brougham, afterward lx>rd Brougham Transcript. and Vattx, Lord Chancellor of Great —“Yes,” said a lecturer in a country Britain, and Thomas Denman, after town to a large and intelligent audi ward Lord Denman, Lord Chief ence, “the people of the United States Justice of England. What these two owe more to the newspapers than to counsel said against the King would any other cause for their advance be enough to get 300 counsel in prison ment.” And the editor remarked pa on tho continent and make judges renthetically and pathetically: “You faint. The bill was allowed by a bet they do if subscribers elsewhere small majority to be read a second are any thing like mine.”— Washington time, but public opinion was so much against it that the Government thought Critic. —Chicago man—"Ah, ah! Lost some it better to withdraw it after the third more money through a Boston firm! reading. So the King's wish was not I’m not surprised. Now, you have carried out. and the whole scandal large dealings In Chicago, and some was in vain. The poor Queen died a folks say Chicago business men are few weeks after her accession, but the tricky. Did you ever lose anything King never married again. Crown through a Chicago firm?” Philadelphia Prince William, of Wurtemberg, the man—“N-O, 1 never did.” “Hoopla! father of the present King Charles, of I know it. Never lost a ceut there, did Wurtemberg, was compelled, in 1808, you?” “No. In dealing with Chicago by Napoleon I. to marry the Princess men I have invariably demanded cash Caroline Augusta of Bavaria. The marriage was celebrated on June 8, in advance."— Philadelphia Record. —“Why, Mrs. Hashhouse, vou sur but the young couple separated the prise me; 1 never saw wine on your very same day and never again saw table before. Is it to tie a regular at- each other. In 1814 they were divorced, tributeof your dinner service?” “Well, and the Princess two years afterwards really, Mr. Slowpay, I can hardly married Francis I., Emperor of promise you that. You see, I have an Austria, and 1825 was crowned Queen idea that wine, if chosen to fit an emer of Hungary.— Pall Mall Gazette. gency, may stimulate in a special direc SUDDEN HOSPITALITY. tion.” “Ah, yes, I see. Then you think 1 need stimulating? Very thoughtful How Two Tramps Got a Square Meal Without Asking for It. of you, indeed. And this wine you have A couple of tramp3 stopped at a chosen for me is a—a—Bordeaux?” “Precisely, board-owe, Mr. Slowpay. farm-house in West Tennessee during the yellow fever season. “You can Do you absorb?”— Yonkers Gazette. come in and drink all the water you want,” said the farmer, “but you STRANGE DISCOVERIES. neenter ask for any thing to cat, for The Tomb of Madoe ap GryflTyddmaelor, a you won’t get it” Great Welsh Warrior. The tramps looked at a table that Great interest has been excited in had just been set for dinner, and North Wales by the announcement that sighed. the tomb of Madoc ap Gryffyddmaelor, “You neenter sigh,” said the farmer, a great Welsh warrior in <he eleventh “ fur you don't git a bite of that grub. and twelfth contarles, grandson of Owen Gwynedd, Prince of Wales, had W’y, we’ve got ’possum, don’t you been discovered in the ruins of Walle see; sweet potatoes, b'iled ham, curly- mustard greens and three kinds of Crucis abbey, Llangollen. Rev. II. T. bread. I wouldn’t twit you fellers, Owen, warden of the abbey, whois now but the last tramp that come along engaged upon some excavations, was searching for old stained glass in tho here stole the only goou set of harness dormitory, when he disinterred a large on the place.” •‘Don’t put yourself to any uneasi stone slab bearing the name of Madoc ness on our account,” replied one of and an inscription which has not yet been fully deciphered. Down the cen the tramps, “for we ain’t hungry.” “Not hungry!” the farmer ex ter of the stone is an incised sword in sheath. Further excavations led to the claimed. “No; all we want is a place to sit discovery of four other stones, each about five feet by eighteen inches; two down in the shade.” “Wall, this is the first time I ever boar florated crosses, one an inscribed heerd of tramps not being hungry.” spear, and the other a Grecian orna “It’s sorter rare with us, I can tell ment. The stones form part of the vaulting of the corridor leading to the you. I'm sorter feverish, myself. old burial-ground of the monks. The Don’t exactly understand it, for 1 warrior founded the abbey, which was never was this way before. Oh, I have a Cistercian monastery, about the year had slight bilious attacks, but I never 1200. After the venerable building be had such pains in the back of my neck came a ruin, the chapter-house and before. Just before leaving Jackson scriptorium were used for several gen ville—” A sudden scuffling in the room erations as a farmstead, and were prac caused the tramp to break off his nar tically destroyed by lire. During the repairs it is conjectured that the stones ration. The skirts of the farmer’s of Madoc’s tomb were used to complete wife flapped against tho gate, and an the vaulting. In 1861 the debris cover d man lost his hat as he leaped into ing the area of the abbey was removed the road. The two tramps moved their by Lord Dungannon, and the tombs of chairs up to the table. “The hospitality of this neighbor benefactors buried in front of the high hood, ” one of them remarked, “has altar, the figure of a knight in chain armor, and a stone coffin, were laid found a place in romance and verse.” “Yes,” the other one replied, “and bare. During the excavations of last year the monk's well and spring were the peculiar charm about it is its ex treme suddenness.”— Arkansaw Trav discovered.— N. Y. Tribune. eler. He Was a Clam, Sure Enough. “Laura.” exclaimed the youth, as he laid his arm timidly on the hack" of her chair, “now that you have promised to be mine it surely does not seem like asking too much if I----- ” “Well. George?” George took her hand in his, swal lowed once or twice spasmodically, and proceeded: “As your affianced husband, Laura, whom you will some day promise in the sight of high Heaven to love, honor, and—er—cherish, you will not think me presuming, dearest, I hope, if— if----- ” “Well, George?” “----- If I venture to claim the privi lege of a k—of a kiss!" The lovely maiden laid her head trustingly on the young man's shoulder, a tender light shone in her dreamy eyes, and her fragrant breath swept the oheek of tho rapturous lover as she softly murmured: “George, don't be a clam!"— Chicago Tribune. The edition for 1889 of the sterling Medical Annual, known as Hostetter’s Almanac, is now ready, and may be obtained, free of cost, of druggists and general country dealers iu all fiarts of the United States, Mexico, and Indeed n every civilised portion of the Western Hemi sphere. The Almanac has been issued regularly at the commencement of every vear for over one-fonrth of a century. It combines, with the soundest practical advice for the preservation and restoration of health, a large amount of in teresting and amusing light rending, and the calendar, astronomical calculations, chronolog ical items, etc., are prepated with great care, and will be found entirely accurate. The issue of Hostetter's Almanac for 1889 will probably be the largest edition of a medical wort epet pub lished in any country. The proprietors, Messrs. Hostetter A Co., Pittsburgh, Pa., on receipt of a two cent stamp, will forward a copy by mail to any person who cannot procure one in his neighbornood. Camphene and Band will remove paint spot« from glass. White Elephant of Siam, Lion of Eng land, Dragon of China, Cross of Switzer, land. Banner of Persia, Crescent of Egypt- Double Eagle of Russia, Star of Chili, Tne Circle of Japan, Harp of Erin. To get these buy a box of the genuine D r . C. M c L ane ’ s C elebrated L iver P ills , price 2d cents, and mail us the out side wrapper wi’.h your address, plainly written, aud 4 cents in stamps. We will then mail you the above list with an ele gant package of oleographic and chro matic cards. F leming B ros ., P ittsburg , P a . A crust of stale bread will remove spot« from wall paper. ___ ITue the great specific for “cold in bead” and catarrh—Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. The Bohemian element is rapidly multiplying in New York city. A Cough. Culai The electric light station at Bath, Me., is burning sawdust in the furnaces thero with satisfactory results. HOW NATIONS SALUTE. Flour of sulphur has proved to be an effi cient preventive against the ravugt: ;f car Egyptians greet one another with the re pet bugs or buffalo moths. mark: “How goes the perspiration!” Sweet oil and putty powder, followed by The Moor salutes by riding up at full gal soap and water, are efficient means for lop and firing a pistol over your head. brightening brass and copper. In Germany to pass a stranger on the road The progress of saccharine is becoming a without greeting him is considered very ini- matter of attention for the French govern polite. ment. A good quality of mgar is made in Tho Malays and other Polynesians salute France out of turnips. by smelling. This is performed by rubbing Pyrodene is a new liquid which renders wood nose*. textile fabrics, paper and other taflommable In France every man, no matter what his materials fireproof. As a paint for wood it station, if he be a coal beaver, lifts his hat to is a special success, as it does not blister in the sun. another. Take a small quantity of a 2 per cent, car The Chinese have a regular code of saluta tions. eight in number, according to the in bolic acid soiutian and sprinkle sheets, cover let, pillow and bolster, on both sides, the dividual The Japanese show respect by bending the edges of bed curtains and the wall next knee, though in the street they only make a the bed. The face and neck may also be slightly wetted with the solution. Not a feint of so doing. single gnat or musquito will come near. In Ind a the Buddhists salute by lowering In France very practical use of photog tho palm of the right hand and bringing it up toward the face, at the same time saying, raphy has recently been made. Several per sons were 1 mprisoned by the caving in of a “Ram, ram chair.” welL A hole was bored, and down this a A former resident of New Zealand says tube with a camera was slid. The photo that on meeting after a long absence two graph showed the faces of some of the de Maories seize hands and rub] noses violently, ceased, and demonstrated the uselessness of at the same time loudly weeping, presumably efforts at rescue. JILUMBAe¿í)TooTHACH^? WEAK, NERVOUS PEOPLE. H^ qach ^S c IATICÄ •R. HORNrfl RLMTRO-NAG- NKTIC BKLT priKitively cure« •Mil ■ ATISN^NECRALGlA,LIT ER, KIPSET and exhausting chronic diseases of both sexes. Contains 23 to loo degree« of Electricity. «VARASIRKD th« roved, cheapest, Hcientiflc.powerfui.dti- effective NKD1CAL KLKTR1C BELT in th« eetric Suspensories free with Male Belta Avoid bogus companies with msnv aliases and worth leas imitations BUKTBIC TBV88BB FDB BVnVBB. 9.000 cured Send stamp for illustrated pamphlet. iists . ano D ealers .E verywhere « D ru WE í 'AS’A’V o GELER E o -B auto -M d « Diamond Vera-Cura TOR DYSPEPSIA. 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ANTISELL PIANO CO., Manufacturers, Odd Fellows* Hall, Mar. ket and Seventh streets, San F rancisco. ! Aptmlwr 1,»,». Th. Or« Bltur. MHaiaikitim cwiil^ ^DWIGHT* THE COW BRAND. GLADDiNG.McBEAN&CO. — TO MAKE — nifäwER & CHIMNEY PIPE, ' j 1 « DRAINTILE, ¡ Pl S 0CUjU'4-O-fi CCNSUMPTIDN tjr Ovsa (i.OOOaOOO <**»»*• umt», D. M. PERKY A C-O are Tha BUTXB8* GUIDE ig pcknw.ieeged to be th a iaauad March and Sept., Largest Seedsr.ien each year. It la an enoy. In the world. dopedia of useful infor D M. F A C mation for all who por- DIuEtrated Descrip chaao the luxuries or the tive and Priced necessities of life. We SEED ANNUAL can olothe you and furnish you with For I3t>0 all the necessary and unnecessary rWin be mail«! TllEf appliances to ride, walk, dance, sleep, t<> all applicant*, and ; tolart jwrtscuid.anen, eat, fish, hunt, work, go to church, oiderirgrt. / / . or stay at home, and in various sixes, styles and quantities. Just figure out la UIIUIW I kbould «,„<] ix Addieae wliat is required to do all thaM* these’ things thi wliati* D. M. FERRY < CO., D at roll, Mich. COMFORTABLY, and you can make a fair estimate of the value of the BUYEB8’ GUIDE, which will be sent upon ALLEN’S IRON receipt of 10 cents to pay postage, di Drugrpsls and Bea’ers or sent by mail on r» enpl </2& cU (& boxes St .00) in stamps. bampU sent on receipt qfi^eni Stamp. DELICIOUS BISCUITS or WHOLESOME BREAD USE glARCHlTEOTURALTERRA COTTA Ed D wights C ow -B rand S oda °"S aleratus . O1358-1360 MARKET ST. S.E/ ^ MANUFACTORY AT LINCOLN CAL. ABSOLUTELY PURE. THE VAN MONCI8CAR ALWAYS UNIFORM PRIVATE DI8PENSARY, ANO FULL WEIGHT. Noe. 133 and 134 Third Street, «• ft*1* that th.r. la a picture of a O»w on your package and you will h»v. Portland, Oregon. th. best Sods made. THE COW BBAND. I» the only Private Dis pensary in Portland or on t’.c Northwest Coast« where patients Are »nocess, fully treated o.allNERV- R, CHRONIC AND rVATE D18EA8E8 In ng sr old, slug!« or rrieo, «ucn en Bolivia declared its independence ÌU1824. \PWI6H.T’ LOST MANHOOD, “ Nervous debility, seminal , lofitea, fat ling memory, A syphilitic eruption*, effects J«', cf mtroury kidney end ¿¿Ì P&Her troubles, goncr- jrha-i, gleet «¿picture, etc. WONDERFUL POPULARITY. CONSUMPTION CURED. NO SI * ACK. KA’1 icm , rBA«** ~ 1 EINWAY A !'« Gabler. Boeniah Ptanos; Bnnlrtt Orrens. band instruments. Laifret «took of Shwt Music and Kooks. Bands «upnlfed al MATTHIAS GRAY OO. Hs If» K. J. liuhuuN. W7 Market Nt. N. F, Mole Erap. Fariflr Caaat Hranrh. an au. stomaci txocbles suci *■: tadlresUcB, S-u-Stemrek. Irertbsra. Bresre. <U- ClaM*. Coudpanra. Fills«* .Her »U m . V“°4 Ililss is th. Moslk ud dlugreesM. tssls sfoe **«* tag. lerresreess sad Low-3pirits. or More Throat Glycerine does not agree with a very dry akin. TAKE BEST. Cures Cut*, Sore«, Salt Rheum, Boils, Pimples. Felons, Skin Diseases, and all ailments for which a salve is suitable. For taking out soreness and healing it acta like magic. 2S cents a tx>x. at all druggiate. should not be neglected. “Brown's Bronchial Trochei' are a simple remedy, and glv. Immed iate relief. Sold only in boxes. The fact that the sale of Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Purgative Pellets exceeds that of auy other pill in the market, be it great or small, is on account of the fact that thev are tiny, little, sugar-coated granules, aiidphat In most cases one little “Pel let” is sufficient for u dose; that they are purely vegetable and perfectly harmless; aud for con stipation, biliousness, sick headache, and all diseases arising from derangement of the liver, Btomach or bowels, they are absolutely a specific. A gentle laxative or active cathartic, according to the size of dose. THE MEXICAN SALVE THE CREAT HEALER. A VALUABLE. MEDICAL TREATISE. COXSI’LT a TIOV fritb . DR. PIERCE S NEW BELT ANO SUSPENSORY. (Pat. Oct. 11. *«7) cure« all Nervous ana Chronic Dis eases of both sexes. Price $6 und upward. Send 2c for sealed pamphlet No. 2. Kt PIT RE. If ruptured send stamp for Pamphlet No. 1. PILES. New Invention. Send2c V stamp for Pamphlet No. ivrraiupuitTV no. o. 3. A a * dd iuicq ress; »¡ -»nr* M. E. T. €».,704 Sacramento St., Sau Francisco, Cal. An old physician, retired from practice, hav ing bud placed in his hauds by an East India missionary the formula of a simple vegetable r//>'--- y Rather than the Cheapes' remedy for the speedy aud permanent cure of ZSIu Consumption, Bronchitis, Catarrh, Asthma, aud all Throat aud Lung Attri tions, also a posi tive and radical cure for Nervous Debility aud all Nervous Complaints, after having tested its Perfect equipment, thorough instruction, esl;d'i. wonderful curative powers iu thousands of cases, has felt it his duty to make it known to Ilshed reputation, growing ixjpuiaritjr. Business, his suffering fellows. Actuated by this motive Shorthand, Common School and Pen.nxnshlp Denart- aud a desire to relieve human suffering, I will jnents. Students admitted at anv ’line. Cata and specimens of ireuinanshlp sent free. send free of charge, to all who desire it, this re logue J. A. WEN< <1.Hae’x. A. i*. AKMSTKONH. Uris. cipe, ill German, French or English, with full directions for preparing and using. Sent by mail by addressing with Btamp, naming this paper, W. A. N oyes , 1U> Pourer s Block, Roches ter, N. Y. Resurrected > J-.»hii Bea.rdsl.-y, Rcntou Coal Yards, well-known citizen, nounced incurable. grave from foreman of the Ban Francisco, a says: I was pro Both feet in the Dyspepsia, Heart Disease and Dropsy Three bottles of MOORE’S RE VEALED REMEDY restored me to health and put life and vigor into my debilitated system. I urely Vegetable: Contains noiAlcohol: Regulates the Bowels; Aids inges tion; Stimulates the Liver; Prevents Disease. WELL DRILLS FOR EVERY PURPOSE. Bancroft, the California historian, has a library worth >200,000. Sold on Trial I A MADMAN AT LARGE! He is a well-known citizen, and his nearest and dearest friends do not suspect his insanity. How do we happen to know about it? Listen; his appetlt«“ is gone, he is low-«plr:ted, he don’t sleep well, he has night-sweats, he is annoyed by a hacking eougb. These symptoms are the forerunners or consumption and death, and yet he neglects them. Is it any wonder that we call him a madman? If you are his friend tell him to get a bottle of Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery without delay. It will cure him if he takes it in time. It will not miracuously create new Inngs when the old ones arc nearly gone, but it will restore diseased ones to a healthy condition. Tell htm about it, and warn him that in his case delay means death. Investment small, profits large, fiend 20c for mailing large illustrated Catalogue with full particulars. Man ufactured by GOULDS & AUSTIN, 11.7 A 1*0 Lak« 1 CHICAGO. ILL. TJAWKEYE x A ray of light travels 11,160,000 miles in a minute. GRUB a STUMP MACHISE. T ry G crmka for breakfast. ppPRlCE^ CREAM (I r .SPINNEY s four teaspoon full of tho best Baking Powilsr.saT- lng twenty tiDM It* coet, beaidM being much healthier, becauM It doee not con tain any Injurious eubetanoe., ■uchu alum, terra alb* etc., of which many w-w- ing Powders ara made. Dairymen and Farmer* ehouldueoouly the** Ann k Hammer“ brand for cleaning and kaeplnz Milk P*M flvwi *U Clean. rirnoi. Bea that every pound package of ’■Arm and Hammer Brand" contain« full 18 ounoee net, and th* «pound package*JWi mm«* net, Boda or impor tant that the Soda or Baleretuayon use should fee White and Pure same *e all similar substanoee ■red for food. Toinsure obtaining only the “Ann A Hammer” brand Soda or Saleratua, buy it In “pound or half pound” cartoons.which bearour name and trade-mark, aa Inferior good* are seme time* substituted fJeth* “Arm & Hammer” brand when bought in bulk. Parties using Baking Powder should remem ber that lie sole rising property consista ofbt carbonate of soda. Ono teaspoon ful of the “Arm A Hammer” brand of Boda or Saleratua mixed with sour milk equals Packed in Card Board Boxes. Always keeps Soft. z Dr. Spinney & General Agent for the NERVOUS aency, ¿10., due to excesses or abuse, cured. YOUNC MeNSWiiffiSMS cretion should avail themselves of our treatment. A positive cure guaranteed in every case. Syphilis. Urinary and Venereal DiRenseg ail unnatural dis charges. promptly and safeiytured. MIDDLE-AGED MEN^OT. Something Good in Store. A big man rushed at a little man at the ferry dock the other day and ex claimed: “Ha! Now I’ve got you. I’m going to knock the top of your head off.” “Come on and try it,” replied the iittle man as he got into position. “You slandered me,” shouted the big man as he backed off a little. “What of it?” “You’ve got to take it back or get licked! I'll give you—I’ll give you one week to take it back, and if you don’t io it I’ll----- ” “What!” cried the little man as he advanced upon him. “I’ll perhaps extend the time, but you’ve got to take it back.” “Hold on — wait!” shouted the little man as ha got his eoat off, but the big man v. uved his liar.d and ran aboard the boat to call back: “lwo weeks and r.ot another day! I lien prepare to get mauled!”— Detroit Free Press. BUT A man living near Santa Cruz hag been catching quail in a peculiar way. For three weeks he has been spread ing grain in the road near his place, where the quail abound. On the day the law was out he put wheat in the place as usual, but bad previously st aked the wheal in whisky. Watch ing the place, he saw the qaail come out, eat, get drunk, and in a shori time lie down stupified. He then went to them and gathered about one hundred in a sack that he carried with him. A few that were not fully drunk were caught by his dog. He has practiced the same method since suc cessfully. U b »uperior excellence proven in million» of home»for mofe than a quarter of a century. It 1» used by the United State» Government. Endorsed by the head» of the Great Univerah ice a® the Strongest, Purest and most Healthful. Dr Price b Oreana Baking Powder does not contain Amtnucia, Limo or "Alum. Sold only in cans. PRICE BAKING POWDER CO. 5BW TOllIL CHICAGO. m Weak B»ck. Nervous Debility, W aeiing of Bexn-f Btrength, etc., cured •nd restored -------- ' — t to healthy vigor. N. B. Persona - unal “=sble to visit ns may bo treated, at tnelr home», by r coi correspondence. Medicines an»^ instructions sent byiumavi » zvb »> wuouiumui by mail or vai express. Cousultatloi tS in stamp» St&mDS Xvr for The Th«» Young Vnnna Man' Man’s! ±roe. Bend 4 cent« friend or uulde to Wadlock. ST. LOUIS. IN 1HE WORLD. I especially request tho-e contemplating purenasing cither an Engine or Thresher next Beason to look up the record of the ADVANCE. It i he only machine ever sold on the Pacific Coast that his given ent ire,sat is fact ion. I also deal in Laundry Machinery, Marine Engines. All kinds of Brass Goods, Inspirators, Injectors, Oilers, Reapers, Mowers. Chemical Fire Extinguishers, and Engines, Oils, Belting, Rose, Wrenches, Etc. PRICE 50 CENTS. THE ONLY DEALER ON — fob — That ships PACIFIC COAST Asthma, Coughs, Colds, Croup, In fluenza, Bronchitis, Catarrh, 'W^jgp- Infl-Cough, Loss of Voice, Incipient Consumption, and all Throat aud Lung Troubles. CAR LOADS. J. R. CATES & CO., PROP’S. 417 Sansome Street, San Francisco, <ai. SCOTTS EMULSION OF PURE COD LIVER OIL HYPOPHOSPHITES. Almost as Palatable as Milk« ano So ddMUtoMi that the most del leate stomach can take it. Remarkable a. a FLESH PBODl'CER. Persons GAIN rap idly «chile taking IT. SCOTTS EMULSION is acknowledged by Phy- to be the FINEST and BEST preparetton ol its class for the relief at CONSUMPTION, SCROFULA, GENERAL DEBILITY, Wasting Diseases of Children, and CHRONIC COUGHS. Sold by aU Druggists. ffeALIPORlCLA ORANGE, RAISIN aad FRUIT LAND. I. 9000 acres in any sire tracts Just the place for a U Colony. Special inducement to settlers. Easy terms. SIGNOR, FERRT a BELOVER, Ban Diego, Cal. N. P ». U. Na 262-8. T. N. Ü. No S3S PRICES GREATLY REDUCED All sizes in *Uxk from ]x>un<l> to 1,2*0. 40 a Send for REDUCED PRICES. Remember it U a pleasure to show goods or answer quebtlom If you cannot call. write. TSEyoirmls ( ówahiih Í, SPECIAL OFFER * A $2.50 PAPER FOR ONLY $1.75 TO NEW SUBSCRIBER? To any New Subscriber who will tend us this Slip, with name and P. O. address and $1.75 in Money Order, Express Money Order, Registered Letter, or Check, for a year's sub scription to the Companion, we will sand the paper Illustrated FREE TO JAN. 1,1889, WEEKLY FOUR HOLIDAY NUMBERS, Supplements 8ent to Eaoh Subscriber at Thanksgivlng-Christmas-New Year’s-Eaator. The volume for 18X9 will be superior to any previous year. It will contain Six Serial Stories ISO Short fort» Household Articles, Tales of Adventure, Illustrated Sketches of Travel, 1,000 Anecdotes, Historic*Ia?>'d Sclentltk Article. ar- Specimen Copies and Colored Announaement free. Blaue mention ihit publication. AMn ,s T he YOUTH’S COMPANION, 36 Temple Race, Boston, Mass.
