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About Coquille herald. (Coquille, Coos County, Or.) 1905-1917 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 29, 1914)
Dazed the Crank. David P. Burrow», while acting pres ident o f the U ::!‘ ersity o f California, one day received a queer visitor. Lean ami terribly earnest, the man broke into Barrows’ study. “ I am the prophet Micah,” he an j uouneed, “ and 1 have a need for your ; service. The world is soon to come to | an end. Could you not spread the tid- ' lugs through the university?” Dr. Barrows shook his visitor by the baud, collected his thoughts and re plied: *‘I believe that at no time was there such a crying need for prophets. But, unfortunately, prophesying is an ! art with which I am unfamiliar. I am not even in d ose sympathy with it and, as I am unable to comprehend what you have accomplished. I confess in T h e tltongrst desire oi husband and wile is the ability to participate as a prognosti welfare of their children cator.” T h e husband works hard to provide lor them, and Whether it was the unexpected reply • w ould be glad to know h ow best to safeguard them. or the quick tire o f so many words that 1 T h e wife works hard, to o — in the h om e— and it dazed the visitor will ne\er be known. equally interested with her husband in sound in- uraace protection, such as that offered b y th e Certain it is the man backed to ti' d< or and uttered the inadequate reply, “ Yes.” —San Francisco Chronicle. r J ia his dog’s comprehension, was some Brinatiou, calculated to Impress, w rs ' A. J. SHERWOOD. PRES. R. E. SHINE, V.-Prat thing fungible, something not only to cut a Port by an uaultaut cry from tb» L H. HAZARD. Cashier 0 . C. SANFORD, Ant. Cashier bark at, but to bite. The venerable squat Hu 11 re lieueattl blu). "TUiu ye aire tbe same wuu that's geutlewau dropped the flowers he hud gathered and turmd unsteadily to the been kapln' tue out uv tbe price uv a fence, but made such poor progress cow this tree mouths." proceeded op c o Q u i u u i , o R a a o r t . that Nicodemus, with terribly gleam Mrs. O’ Hearu. “ Ye"— She cast about for uu expression that ing teeth und a bounce like a kangaroo, I r a n s a c t s a G e n e r a l B a n k i n g B iis in c B S rau into his legs There was then a would at ouce convey ber contempt fall of dog and tuau. with a singularly \ and auger. l,tr< at Olraatara. . CarraapaaStau active display o f man. considering age j "Y e murtberer!" she concluded, and luck of recent athletic traiuiug. i T be trio at the fence, now enjoying U.i . D.imnt, A. J. Shorwuuil, National 'lank o f Commerce,New York City and as the venerable geutieman cuuie the exclusive attention of Nicodemus, L. Harluoksr, L. H. H u .rJ, Crocker Woolworth N ’ l Bank, San Francisco I.aiah Haulier. K. K. Shlua. First National! Bank o f Portland, Portland upright be did the ouly thing that since It was obvious that tbe woman seemed to his bewildered mind of ra commanded the situation at tbe tree, tional purpose. The fence wus still a resorted to missile throwing. The > great way off, and the speed of the venerable gentleman looked perplexed- dog hud impelled that auimul on a few ! ly about him. The Sunrise Limited swept past the feet, but he was even now reversing j "Upon my soul, my good woman," he lower pasture o f Mrs. O*Hearn’s Ne himself. Nearer than the fence branch ventured, “ you surprise me. 1 know braska farm every afternoon at 3 ed a tree. Tw o comforting knobs, nothing o f your cow. You have surely o ’clock, and Mrs. O’ llearu’s dog, Nico- within easy reach, projected from the mistaken me for some one else. I do to start that bank account. detuus, sallied dowu to the fence and barked at It lie was an unlovely an trunk. And before he quite knew how UO( recall that 1 have ever before been Why put the matter off and he did it the venerable gentleman, with ¡ | u tbla locality.” imal o f no breeding whatever, a canine miss the many advantages an amazing agility, was seating himself 1 • • Ye-| | remimher it. thin, from this | outcast deserted by an emigrant, and ou a lower branch of the tree, while j'yous dhay. for it’s not from the place account with this bank insures. hostility to all railway roovemeuU \ waa pronounced and even excessive. the dog was making euruest and sav ye’ ll be athlrrln’ till I’ve me equlvy- Come in to day and make your iint an' me reshtititiou for the evil although his best effort and lougeat age efforts to reacli his dangling legs. Insurance ia Atari« More The Incident naturally served to in ye’ ve done me. ’ it’s the prisidlnt o f first deposit and get a check Farce: Mar« Gentlemen of Leisure. run were reserved for the flying ves- man a . M , M mas us.m.m tlbulcd tralu that came so fleetlngly terest the men at the car wheels. They the road.1 says the station agent, ’that One o f the upper ten thousand, once book the use o f which may consider^ ’ your claim. Mrs. out of the east and shot by him with came to the fence in a body, calling is visiting America, accepted the hospi save you untold annoyance and out to the dog to desist, and one. O’ Uearn. an' It'll be all roight In tolroe, contemptuous roar and shriek. tality o f a gentleman in New York. considerable money. Begin A year after Mrs. O’ Uearu’s bus braver than his fellows, mounted tbe but he’s a very busy man.' ’ Ye’ re not When taking farewell o f his host the baud had been snatched from the field mils in an effort to distract Nicodemus so InTly but ye can put your baud to latter asked him what he thought of the New Year right by open of toil she lost the coinpanlouship and from his prey. He put one foot dowu yor pocket an’ projuce the $39 for tii© the American people. ing an account now with the nourishing (Tally gift of her only cow. on the opposite side as if he would cow ye’ ve murthered in cold blood “ Well,” answered the nobleman, “ I That the double calamity distressed come into the pusiure. It was with like them immensely, but f miss some along uv your Ig'naraut injlne dhrivers her was not phenomenal, but the de drawn almost on the instant for the an’ she doin’ uo bar ruin to tbirn or thing." parture of Michael O’ Hearu was with dog, now animated by a desire to en auny wan. Au’ it's tbe extra money X “ What is that?” asked the Yankee. in the number of things reconcilable gage all comers, sprang at the would want for the milk I’ ve bought since me “ I miss the aristocracy.” replied the since the movements o f Providence are be intruder, and bl« white teeth closed i ¿ereavemeut Englishman. to be accepted without question and on a boot heel. The man of courage. TUe sltuatloQ 8eemed clearer, •What are they?” naively asked his are, indeed, but instances o f the ex giving way to profanity, fell back Into | ..you du uo, theu accuse me of host. pected. Mrs. O’ Hearu, a faithfully (he arms of his companions The three driving off your cow ?” utfted the ven “ The aristocracy!” said the noble and notoriously religious person, re stood in doubt and conference, but man in a somewhat surprised tone of erable gentleman. signed herself to the simple hope that made no new move, while Nicodemus voice. “ Why. they are people who do “ Dhrivin’ her off?’’ repeated Mrs. Michael was to he met in another returned to guard the tree with now nothing, you know; whose fathers did O’ Uearu, striving to ’ compass her country. TJje taking off of the cow and then sudden sportive excursions in i acorn by raising her voice to its high nothing, you know; whose grandfathers left no such solace, since its spiritual their direction. And Auto Line did nothing, you know—in fact, the est pitch. "I t’s inakin’ mincemeat uv future did not concern her. into this excitement, after some : her au’ wid uo sthuppin’ for an upolo- aristocracy!” From the day the engine of the Sun minutes, came Mrs. O’ Hearn, her arms Here he was interrupted by the Leaves Myrtle l ’uint 8 p. m. rise Limited swept the animal in all bared to the elbows and a rolling pin I gy that 1 claim ye to be the ridbuml- American, who chimed in with, “ Oh. Arrives Roseburg..... 5 p .m . literalness from the face of the earth iu one hand. She waddled dowu. red • ed assassin ye aire ” w e’ve plenty o f them over here, but I.eaves Roeeburg....... fl a. in. (it had been rather foolishly investigat and breathless, her flour smeared | "1 do not run the engine," asserted w e don’t call them aristocracy—we call I the venerable gentleman uselessly. “ If ing the nutritious qualities of ciudersi apron telling o f baking day, her bear Arr. Myrtle Point by 6 p. m. them tramps.**—Exchange. you have lost a cow, Mrs. O' lieu ru, Mrs. O'Hearn faced a world that ap ing that of ponderous surprise. She through any carelessness of the em Make reservations in advance at Owl peared to be singularly unsympathetic. came to a halt just beneath the branch Washington’s Only Joke. Drug Store, Marshfield. ployees of the road you may be sure Where it had condoled with her in her It will pay you ou which the venerable gentleman your claim will receive due considera The ouly admirable quality in which first bereavement It merely smiled over to find out ju«t what the P O S T A L L IF E can and Washington was deficient was humor. w ill d o lor you T h e Com pany ¡»sues all the her second. Obviously, In tbe eyes of was perched, und the dog wagged her tion. You effh hardly expect to ad Cat tying Baggage and United States Mail One o f the very few jests he ever standard legal-reserve policy-form s: it supp'ies full the community, the ¡east fitting place a welcome and made another dash for vance It, however, by keeping uie here. J . L . L A I R D , P r o p r ie to r made—perhaps the only one—has de p e r s p n a l i n f o r m a t i o n to all applicants— men, for a cow to browse was in the line of the fence describing, as be returned, And you have been misinformed. The scended to posterity on the authority of w om en and young p e o p le — and distance from N ew a lightning express. The station agent a circle. The man in the tree viewed president of the road does not adjust Office at Laird’s Livery Barn, Myrtle Point, Both Phones Y ork does not hinder. Just write and say : her advent with positive pleasure. He these matters that come out o f the— his aid-de-camp, Colonel Humphreys. at Exeter Intimated as much when “ M all me life-insurance particulars at ouce connected Mrs O'Hearn with the misfortunes of cows. Your claim General Washington rather prided Mrs. O’ Hearn called upon him and de for my age” ami be sure to mention the ownership o f the dog, and he was has probably been delayed.*' himself on his riding, so the colonel this Paper. picted. with admirable detail, the eir one day when they were out hunting In your letter be sure to give Mrs. O'Hetiru glared, while Nicode cumstauces of her misfortune. He also impressed that his position was absurd, so. although his tones were mus. rushing past her in gleeful pur together dared him to follow over one /. Your F u ll Name would, he declared, lay the matter be I OLD RELIABLE—EQUIPPED WITH WIRELESS pleasant, chagrin was somewhere up- particular hedge. The challenge was 2. Your Occupation suit of u ruck thrown by the engineer, fore the proper othclals. 3. The Exact Date of your Birth parent. accepted, and Humphreys led the way. I came wiggling back, licked the rolling A week later she came again, and He smiled genially, conscious that I pin and returned to the fence. He took the leap boldly, but to his con T h e request for information places you under no her visit left memories of life, color sternation found that he had mistaken obligations and no agent will be sent to visit you. and action. She demanded to know he had put the case concisely at least “ Consideration!" exclaimed the lady. T h e Postal L ife d oes not em ploy agents but gives its ALWAYS ON TIME the spot and was sunk up to his horse’s policyholders the benefit of agents' commiaaiont whether the equivalent had been sent. “ It’s today that me equivyliut comes girth in a quagmire. The general ei — the first year and every other. to forty dollars and eighty cints, an The equivalent, she had somewhat ex Sails from Coos Bay ther knew the ground better or bad ! it's iu the three ye'll sthay an’ ye’ re actly figured, wus $31) 15, this Itemize Dec. 11th, 7 p. m .; 19th, 11 a. m.; 26th. 2:30 p. in. suspected something, for, following at j hired murtherers lookin' ou from the tion including $31) for cow and 15 cents an easy pace, he reined lip at the fence beyuut like gorillas in a cage From Portland 8 a. m. for tiie purchase of milk thrice weekly ^ VA4P MALONf pMBstgm) hedge and, looking over at his engulf before I stldr from the sphot or cull from a neighbor. Her following visit December 15th, 22nd, and 28th (Thlrcyftve Nassau Street NEW TOPip ed aid, exclaimed, “ No. no, colonel, you off me dog. an luck to him for know- disclosed fully as close calculation, for Tickets on sale at Portland City Ticket Office 6th & O ak St. are too deep for me!” in' a thafe whin he sees wan." the equivalent had mounted to $39.30. The venerable gentleman started to and It was plain to the agent that her P. L. STERLING, Agent Phone Main 181 Massaged With Nettles. parley, looked bewildered, sighed and arithmetic carried with it rules of in fumbled iu the breast pocket of Uis Nettles ore said to be an almost cer terest und equity that would never be coat He finally withdrew a some tain proof that man has lived on the I accepted by the company even if it spot. One British species, the so called j what Worn pocketbook bulging with deigned to recognize her claim for the Homan nettle, is said to be found onlj papers. From these he extracted two cow Itself On this occasiou und on greenbacks Then he searched as where the Romans have been. Coles, many occasions thereafter he. mentally the seventeenth century herbalist, ex | well as he could in personal safety convinced that his prevarication would the |»ockets of his trousers. lie final plains, "It grows both at the town of | jot outlive his tenure of ollice, asserted Lidde. by Romney, and in the streets | ly gave up in dismay. that only the president of the road had List to Gmar of the Bake- o f the town o f Romney, in Kent, where “ I am sorry to say that 1 haven’t authority in the matter of destroyed shop. Julius Caesar landed. w'mi Itis soul the amount you ask. If you will ac cows und, having made it clear to ber tilers, and abode there a certaine time, cept $20 I assure you the remainder that her claim hud been duly forward A m om ent’s halt — a mom entary and for the growing of It in that* place ed. besought her to follow methods will he forthcoming.’ ' taste less spectacular and to exercise some it is reported that the souldiers brought Mrs. O’ Ueuru raised the rolling pin. O f dainties from the sh elf above the paste, some of the seede with them and sow “ It's the equivyliut or uot one cint,” patience. And, lo, the eager passerby has ed It there for their use to rub and she declared. I Having so frankly thrown himself reach’d chafe their limbs when through ex- ou her mercy, he tuide a personal truce “ But. as I have told you. 1 do not The som ething he set o u t for. Oh, trenm cold they should be stiff and be with the Indy, but each week a new possess the amount. I rarely car y m ake haste! numbed. being told before they came bill was presented with Its accumula with uie any ready money,” he added, Poitlarid Semi-Weekly J urna) tion of figures, together with verbal from home that the climate of Britain with a shade of exasperation, as if was so extream cold it was not to bo aliti Coquille Hera d, both for $2.00 expressions of disregard for the presi Mrs. O’ Hearn could have been pre We smile with pride every endured without some friction.” dent of the company and his lax meth a rear in advance. viously acquainted with his habit in time we turn out a batch of ods of business. that regard. At first the efforts of Nicodemus our dainties — pies, cream “ You can git it,” asserted the amazon amused the freight crews, who threw At HE THE PR1SIDENT UV THE Inflexibly. puffs, tarts, cakes, etc. HAI LBOA I// lumps of coal at him This was to the The venerable gentleman sighed again advantage o f Mrs. O'Hearn, since coal while Mrs O’ ilearn. wltn an authori and culled out to the engineer: Make haste. Taste them. was a luxury, and the dally perform tative, “ be shut, now," forced Nicode "1 say. Hawkins, do you happen to We use only the purest ma ance resulted in a small measure of mus to lie dowu, although his uody have any money?” terials. Our bakeshop is as the precious fuel to add to her store still quivered from the exertions o f the “ A few dollars, sir.’ ’ of wood. She began to wish, indeed, chase and the consequent canine de clean as a whistle. Every “ I have a little change," supplement- that the attention of the passenger en lirium. | ed the fireman, while the conductor thing sanitary. gineers might be equally attracted and “ Ye’ re bein wan of these flower reached Into a pocket that their resentment might take the pickers that preserves them in schrap- We're experts in pastry. “ If the three of you could make up same form After a time, however, books, mebbe.” ventured the lady, in a purse the thing is absolutely ab | and from long familiarity the sport a spirit o f conciliation, as she grasped surd. but we cannot remain here argu ; ceased to Interest the passing traln- Nicodemus by one ear and shook him ing with this woman. 1 shall ask you ! men. and but for an occasional missile roughly, “ or p'raps wan of these pro to loan me $20.“ | the dog harked without purpose, al- fessors that cun till ye the varieties “ An SO cints.” Interrupted Mrs. ; though he never relaxed his endeavors, uv the posies by the schmefT uv thim.” O’ Hearn j Tbe flight of time brought no spirit of "I am not a botanist.' said the ven “ Exactly," acknowledged the vener j charity to overcast the bitteruess of erable gentleman, preparing to de able gentleman, although not agree , Mrs. O'Hearn. And it wus quite by scend. but eyeing the dog warily, “ al ably. "and SO cents.” C O O K B R O S ., P R O P . j way o f coincidence that ou the day though you must confess that either i’here was a search o f overalls and j she had prepared her weekly state a botanist or a railway president would blouses, and I d the moment o f sus ment which now had $1 SO added to appear equally out of place in a posi peiise the president considered that it the principal-something entirely un tion such as I have found myself—a would not be at all unlikely that the usual In railway equipment should en- position.” he added, to show that he ridiculous situation would be further ! gage, although tardily, the attention of had a sense o f humor, “ that I never complicated by the discovery that the Under New Management ! Nicodemus. This was an abbreviated thought possible out of the pages of combined wealth o f the crowd did not edition o f the despised ‘ flier,’’ for the h com ic weekly.” make up the meager sum required. Having leased this well-equipped hotel, I propose ! engine drew but two cars, the last a ’The maimer o f Mrs. O’ Hearn chang- He was consequently relieved when wonder o f luxurious construction and ( e(j, as changes the face of nature un- the balance was forthcoming to the to conduct it in such a manner as to merit pat pn in ted a bright yellow i der the sudden burst o f the tempest. final ten cent piece, a contribution fr »m ronage and give satisfaction to the traveling The train had stopi»ed, und around j She released the dog, which sprang the porter. This, by direction, was T E N -C E N T can o f Babbitt's | one of the sets of wheels stood three j again at the tree trunk, and her ut thrown over the fence, to be guarded public. pure lye is paid insurance against men variously engaged in drawing terance was one long Inspiration. by Nicodemus. The two bills fluttered cotton from an aperture, (joking It i dirt or germs: guaranteeing clean "Oh. ho-o-o-o-o. ' she emitted, with from the hand of the president, and about with a stick or dousing water a slight questioning inflection, and her Mrs O’ Hearn, picking them up. turned sinks, and th o ro u g h ly sw eet and upon the steaming mess. A venerable i blue eyes showed the glitter o f steel them over carefully. Then she moved gentleman who had descended from sanitary conditions in the home, and over to the second collection, and, sat "Oh. ho-o-o-o-o-o-o!” the gorgeous car to watch the opera j Arms akimbo, she looked up at him fstied with the accuracy of her count, in your bams, kennels or hen houses. tion Anally strolled over to the fence “ So ye aire the prlsldent uv the and she was not quick at coin values, and. attracted by some wild blossoms. j called the dog. grasped it by one ear railroad ?“ somewhat awkwardly scaled the bar If you will write we will send you a The venerable gentleman, reconsider and ambled back toward the house rio and ambled pleasantly about the ing his determination r«» come down. with no coin-hiding word. But she evl book Absolutely Free telling a hun green fields, lost in contemplation of | | clutched the tree branch firmly and denced her faith by locking Nicodemus the simplicity of until re’s wonders. dred uses for Babbitt's Lye; also our called nut a warning to tile engineer, in the ham. whereupon the venerable .Nicodemug came into action by a \ W hat will a housewife appreciate more as a When the dog who Mad again «»light to climb the gentleman descended premium catalogue illustrating beau spring in the air. a shrill bark and a fence and again found himself beset was released and shot off down the Christmas gift than a telephone? She and all the series of contortions that brought his i tiful and valuable presents exchanged past ore to renew the sport the special by Nicodemus. haunches almost to his chin. When he ! had gone. He sniffed at the tree and. family will be truly thankful for it every day in the M s my office. “ That." hr answered. for coupons. felt the ground after the first flight he ' ^ presiimaniy living over the late adven year. Ask the local office for rates to you. bad made two yards, and his hair \ * He wondered why the woman was ture in hi« imagination, burked In a swept the wind as he rushed on Here. so interested In this »’act, but his nf- paroxysm of joy FIRST N ATIO N AL B AN K Protection for the Home N O W IS T H E T IM E Postal Life Insurance Company Farmers and Merchants Bank Roseburg M yrtle Point Stage STEAMER BREAKWATER Postal Life Insurance Compan> WII/I/IAMJON H A F F IW C D Our Pastry Simply Delicious ! ENGRAVERSTRMTERS D E N V E R . GODO M f ä It Just Melts In Your Mouth! V aluable J rB i babbitt / PRESENTS' I LYE LABELS C I T Y Y ou Can MakeY our House More Attractive With the Handsome Babbitt Premiums H O T E L B A K e R Y B A X T E R A M. M. YOUNG, Proprietor A TELEPHONE FOR XMAS B. T. BABBITT The Great Soap Maker BABBITT’ S LYE— The Best Home Soap Maker H ig h est in S tr en g th b u t n o t in P ric e — 1 0 c P. O . B ox 1776 N e w Y o r k C ity THE BEST GROCERS HANDLE BABBITT'S LYE The highest duty ol the State and T O Ï K ’ SÎ Federal government is to place agri- OREGON and W A SH IN G TO N cultural education within reach ot all r of each City, Town and Yin* descriptive sketch of No farmer is perfect, but our location, population, tele- pplnir and banking point; mistakes can be reduced to a min led Directory, complied by imum by intelligent reading and I'OI.K * CO.. ML4TTI.E iutense thinking. Business Directory Lagging operations will continue all winter on South Inlet, Ceos Bay. Do Your S h oppin g E a rly Coos and Curry Telephone Oo. The Estabroi k Co at Bandon has large contracts lor getting out cedar lies this winter. D ou g la s co u n ty tax 'evy reduced half a mill. Herald Ads Bring Business