THE COI HIKR
PAUK KIGHT
Locals
THE
MEN
SO SENSITIVE ABOUT IT
"Is Mr». Peckton much cast d<
since she was defeated In her race for
congress?"
"So much so." replied Mr. Peckion.
“that I don't believe I'll ever take her
en another visit to Washington."
“Why not?"
"At the mere sight of those legisla
tive halls she sui confidently expected
to adorn slic'd burst Into tears."
Some Reasons.
Mr. Pester—You're 12 pounds under
weight. Why did you buy that book
on "How to Reduce"?
Ills Wife—Well, I might get fat
and then it would come In bandy and
then I might build up by doing just
the opposite from what the book
»ays. Besides it was marked down to
half price. And—Oh, you mind your
own business.
Free-and-Easy Railroading.
“How fur ure we from Juniper Junc
tion. conductor?"
“About 40 miles, ma'am."
“And w hen are we due to get there?”
“Oh, in about two hours, ma'am. If
tiie engine holds out. But even If we
don't get there In three hours. Juni
per Junction Is the kind of town that
is willing to wait."
Net Foolish.
Meredith—I think Brown was
ish in spending all that money
wireless outfit Just beca tine his
wanted to listen to the free air
certs.
W ebs t er—Tool i sh. Indeed! He says
the extra hours of quiet lie gets every
evening now are worth ten times tiie
price he paid.
Old-Fashioned Wit.
A young man at a party was urged
to entertain Hie company with a song.
“But 1 can't slug," he «aid rather
testily. “You only want to make a
butt of me."
"Not ut all, <»I<1 man." returned tiie
other.
"XVe merely want to get a
stave out of you.
Slam!
Bang—I'tn never afraid to tell a
man anything, because it goes In one
ear and out nt the other.
Slam—Tes; lint if you tell a woman
anything. It goes In nt both ears and I
out at the tnoutli.—Everybody's Maga
I
zine.
A Cass of Necessity.
Would lie Suh Id«*- Hoi. t re •< ue me.
want t<> die
Swimmer Well, you'll have to pnst-
pone Hist. I want a life living medal.
“It’s a very small crib pillow, but It
reposes In the place of honor, In a
case in one ot the great hist orlen 1 mu-
aeums.
"I can't see anything remarkable
about lhut pillow,'' remarked one of
a group of visitors.
"My dear madam," explained the
guide. 'It Is very valuable. It Is Wusle
Ingion's original lietuhpiMrters.
Interestsd.
Would you mind seeing me across
the street?" asked the Jumpy old gen
tleman.
“Not at nil, brother," replied the
LAW OF COMPENSATION
corner loafer, ns lie retained bis point
of contact with a tireplug. "With
**1 had no mother's voice to lull me
Hint there gait o' yourn. I wouldn't to sleep w hen 1 was a boy," gobbed tlie
mind watchin' you walk u couple o' first man.
blocks.”
"And I had no father's voice to
me In the morning." chuckled Hie
Her Oversight.
end.
The Visitor— 1» your oldest sister-
Tlitls we see natures wonderful
married—(lie one who was so pro of compensation applied to tlm human
ficient in all branches of domestic iqiiatmn.
science?
Philippa—No, nor likely to be. She
The Verdict.
was so busy titling herself to be the
"We find the prisoner nut guilty by
wife of a good limn that she neglected reason of inwinity."
to go after the mail.
"But the plea was not that of In
sanity,** remarked tire court.
“That's Just the point we make.”
rejoined tiie foreman. "We decided
that any man who didn't have sense
enough to see that an Insanity plan
wus the proper tiling must be crazy."
CUT RATES
Big Sister: Now run along, I gave
you a dime to tell Charlie I'd meet
him here.
Little Sister:
Gimme a quarter
and I'll tell all yer beaux to come
along.
MODEST MAN
He—I would gladly die for
but for one thing.
She—And what Is that?
He—I'm afraid you could never re
place the lose.
All That’s Needed.
The world's all right. You needn't »lew
About Korn.- petty wrong.
If you are honest, < lean and true
Why you will get along.
A New Law Enforced.
“I'll just line ye $23 for speedin’."
"All right, squire. I'll pay It, but I
wouldn't have been In such a hurry to
get through your burg if I hadn’t
thought It was the sorriest looking
tow n I ever laid my eyes on.”
And $10 for contempt."
Contempt of what?"
"Our town."
There Might Be.
’’There nre speciallsf» who will de-
sign you a coat of arms.”
"So I've heard.”
"And there ure other specialists who
will provide you with a family tree
you cun Haunt In anybody’s face.”
"Well!
Well!
I >o you suppose
there are tilling stations where blue
blood Is pumped Into plebeian veins?"
Logical.
Can I Interest you In automobile
Insurance?"
"I haven't an automobile on my
place."
"Well or-wlmt of that? You linve
burglar Insurance, I presume, and yet
y|u have no burglar on your prem
ises."
His Reasoning.
the soothsayer told you sb-*
couldn't rend the future until you gave
her Jl.ixsi to put under her pillow ami
'sleep on ?"
“Yes."
“I Imps you didn't let her h..ve Hie
money?"
“Certainly not. I said that while
she wus sleeping oil my ZI.IHH) I would
be wide awake and I'd rather not
know about the future limn sutler
from I iisoiiiii I h .
SAVES HIM TROUBLE
“He’s Ingenious, you say?"
“Oh, very. Why, hs took the self
starter off his automobile and at
tached It to the kitchen range."
Self.Deceived,
l.fttlr dab» of powder.
i if I.- tints ot PAlnt.
Mak«- the homely inul<1> an think
They're pretty, when they alnt
Long Imprisonment.
The mistress w ho Imd engaged a new
cook made a tour of ltisp<-<-tloii after
she had kept her a week, and found a
policeman locked up In the puntry.
“Ilow did this mun get here?” slm
asked. severely.
"I'm sure I don't know," was th*
cool reply. "He must have been left
over by the last cook."
Just Jcgging
“Personally,” said
Inned citizen. “I doll't
miles an hour.”
"To<? fast, eh?"
“Yes ; I'm not one of your speed
Crawling along nt 150
mtiniai's.
miles an hour would suit me.'
Tommy Spilled the Beane.
Mr. I Uibldilgli Why do you bring
me ho milch water, Tommy? I merely
naked for a drink.
Tommy I thought you'd need more
than a glassful, 'cans«* »Inter said you
was the dryi-st old stick »lie ever
knew.
Getting It Out of His System,
Fifty Dolars Down.
"What good does It do you to swear
Itrowne How do you like buying n nt timi motorist who nenrly ran over
house oh Hie installment plan?
you? lie's gone."
(Ircene- It Ima it» drawbacks. By i
"Whnt good does It do you I« swear
the time I have my house piiJJ for It 1 lit II gulf ball when you fall to hit It?"
will ‘ he no old and devastated that I
“That rellevca my feelings.”
will have to build n new one.
“.Same fibre."