Eearr to Keep.
- mBmf to vnn m sttr eta 1M
turret axaott4, chewed or drank."
-m Un be Cuatabxrw the rocunj
of hi birth."
Uumor a& Philosophy.
Br DUNCAN M. SMITV
MTwo't broken a tlngl N-i
Tear's resolution yet"
"Remarkable."' '
"I didn't tuuke any."
TIy right. lJU, ly JJuucau U. Kmlill.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
(Tou mlftM well gut- ttiot It would
ttt a cold day whoa a tlA-f would aU-al
4 hot atova. I t-
V -
At a whist congress there la no port
tlta of honor for the apeaker.
I Many groat men cannot apelL, but It
&y not follow thut all who vauuot
pel! are grant
f In a rewtaurant where the service la
$!ow the patron often think that If
thliiKB were culled hy their rlht names
would be termed the waiter.
e
'l
In aendlnir literature to a condemned
niunlerer do not bother atiout Including
treatl; on how to live 100 yearn.
l it la no time to ask a man for a favor
when he 12 breaking In a new pair of
shoes.
Weather that kllla the winter wheat
hna no effect on the ragweed.
When a inan'a work conipela hlra to
get up at 4 o'clock In the morning, bo la
In no mood to apprwhito- the aunha -
. Adversity applied :reglurly three
times a day la the grpc.lest euro In the
world for swelled head.
Strange to any, tlip knights of rest do
not enjoy life if they have to put In
their ulKhtH renting.
. It Is a mutter of tfi'oKrnphy whether
a bnlllight or n prize llht Id consid
ered the more brutal.
There la Krlm satisfaction to the tnnn
who H wearing an lniltntlon diamond
when he i""ets n holdup tnnn.
A Cure For a Cold.
A rnM In the hend
In hiinlly .1 trrnt
Ky-s rwollrn nrwl r'l,
New pufTt'l like a bpet
To aii.l to your Wops.
Now huril to rndurn.
Each wIuphitb know
A dead certain
cure.
Just poultice your
rh-st
And bandage
your head.
Or ttike a Ion
rest.
Tucked snugly
Ir. bed;
Or maybe, thy
ear,
Jte safest to
try
U ; old teeted
way
And fill up on
rye.
Ife certainly Strang
That hum who don't know
Enough to make Chang,
Or ktp a etroiaht row,
Or Idly pound aand.
Or empty aacka hold.
Can tell you offhunl
What ! good fur t cold.
In TAKING 1
They aay aoak
your feet
And take catnip
tea
One meal only eat
In plao of the
three.
Or take a few
drop
Of dope twice a
day;
Borne n net rum that
stopa
A cough,
bills aay.
the
Oh. dear, tuid oh, pahawl
Alae and alack!
There should be a law
To let you get back
At all of tbla crew;
It a no more than fair
To murder a few;
There'a plenty to spare.
Heroic Treatment.
"Be careful how you handle money.
It la awurtnltig with tuloroten."
"Let's take all we can fnd out and
burn It In self protection."
Naturally.
"He Is golnif to deliver a lecture on
prize flKhtltm."
"tit eour, then, he will handle the
subject with glove."
Not Always Giih.
T My that tltii" la mmuy
Will tint tt ii My iil k
Cl'e t the truth. I" f :uine. forsooth,
l'uu gi t It from tho thx-k on tick.
r
It Wa Coining to Him.
"Alderman Joblots tins jono back to
bis wurd for Indorsement."
"Then be ha a gone to bla reward, for
they uxe on to him."
Not rhe Prica of Ona.
"1 fear 'Jenkins la leading a double
life."
-nardly. He only get flZSO a
week."
Her One Pet
f ha did not want a parrot near,
4 rat aha held In acorn.
But she had one' pet that waa dar-
A very tender corn.
' Make a Di Serene. ;
"Do you think that majorities ura
always right?" ,
"Yea, If I happen to be with tho mini
Jority." i
You Have Met Him.
Though merriment may bubble o'er,
Though Inughter he may spill.
A Bug may am lie. and smile aume rrtore,!
And be a dentist stUI.
Theory and Practice.
Thouslj t.t protests with tongue and pep
That shed.llliK Joy la sweet. i
Will "tie who Iowa hla follow men 4
liaise prums fur thrra to eulT t
One Brijht Point.
"Despite their pretenNlons these for
eign noblemen on; not bright people
don't kuow; they always tuurrjr
for money." 4
i
No Shyness Thera, , , , i
"Miss Hesslft is so why," .
"I'oHtitbly, but 1 huve noticed thut
she dun't aliy ut an oyster atuw."
Take No Chances. '
Tou'd think, just to observe them.
Home mi'inl.r.s of the race
lIlKht fvnr to Hinllu once In n. hlle
Lest It shoulJ crack thulr face.
,", jr-
Up to Date, j
"Is the if fM':il'a voice nt 111 for wur?"
"No, but : typewriter I;.'"
PFT PARAGSAPHS. . . .
A wink 1 ::h good ai thirteen t,vi
wr!!'.o:i i .i. i tu a drug cletk.
There uro men wbo.thluk Unit prn
hlliition is n lnl!;ly.t,ooU tlllim' li.u ;
us it does not prohibit.
It Hiitke It lmrd to live lit the wmio
town wltii a man when to girls nre
In love with hlui lit line time,
A mini never forpen bis first love.
partUiihtiiy If he uniiTks her.
You can prove it by the fiddler tint
those who dunce sometimes forbet to
pay hliu. '
The microbe Is no respecter of persons.
Winter alwny
makes a hit
when it packs
Its trunk.
Borne nieo keep
out of debt be
cause no oue will
"jC trust them.
The breast of the goose bone must
hare taken a course In physical culture
last aummcr.
What a Joke the nik-mbea must have
considered It on' the human race dur
ing all the thousands of yeura la which
they were not discovered.
How happy the niuM would be If he
could kick like aorae men whose dally
conversation It la lit misfortune to be
obliged to listen to.
rroflt without honor docs not profit
a man In the long run.
Altogether it la more satisfactory to
bar the laat word with a woman In
your mind.
Work la one of the things to which
distance lends awveral kinds of en
chantment. When no one observation takes.
When arnffers are not nigh,
I'll b-t your vegetarian makes
Corned berf and cabbage fly.
n-i. u. cos
it' t.. . . .
mm
TWO
By Rev. ROBl
mm
WOUKKI) nne ;
We uiucle hfirrnjii
TINN'ER AND LOSER,
Our posies, pi-filers and our pelf
We lavish on the winner;
Beb-ct the swclli-st fnm the shelf
When s.-riiNK him with dinner.
Hut fur tHe m:i who also ran
We- only hve a buht riuw can.
The gentlemnn who wins success
Thut Jewel met, but fl kle
We miikn a note nf his R'l.ln ts.
His rll s f hlyly tli klx.
As to th' wlnht who In the llpbt
Gets downed, we know him not by stent
Th-it rfriee of men who lakes the it Lxe
l-'l.i.l.i !ri.t.!n t,i fen iitnl tlitl.-r;
To tril hhll lo IN W' Tl.ltol n 'HO
An. I tv. i !,!,! with kvii y mfl, r;
J'.Ut for tile lout Whn oM nut,
Pray, who cuti t.n l the tone to shout?
The m m who Innds e. lth both his feet
n fiirtunu s firm fooinl ition
Finals dully nfferlng to tre:it
The best anlf of the nation.
As to the guy with two spot high,
We never speak aa we puss by.
Ha Wat Industrious.
Phe baa had thirty pa.poaala In tht
last month."
"Tbirtyl She must t an exceeding
ly popular young Uuly."
"Hut they are all from the same man."
Another Point of View.
"Do you bellere that war la all that
fherman aajdr
"Rhertnan did not live In another
errantry and bare 3,(HX) bushala of
wheat to sell."
. . . . . sf srBSe . .
cut down v.ncfs
I-r'Ve. counsel, ox'lluineJ thts
asked us if wo wtvo willing k.
iiic d. Wo IXVAKIABLY AGIiEED toKctlicr
m dW., mid Tir.KRE WAS STRIKE. When tho u.
iw.'itfr find Mr. llamniond could' afford to pny us more, he calleu .
'ViL't'tlifr ii.L'iiin. Of curst Xe ulways apreed to tho increase a littlo
more readily t!nin to t'he itcoreuso. I5ut the point is this T1IE11E
WAf; NO TliOriJl.1! in that shop during the nine years I was
f 'Ivrp... . .
. , , tt ? ?
.Wh'T- tie l:il r ui;i"r,s and employers of lahor enme tog-ether,
'is 'ihrV -r,r ly imi.-t nud'wtil, ttjul .settle their diilcit-tteea of ('pinion
l,y nr'.iit ra: i"ii ie-teii'l nf iiti iiiptiiio; t' foree each other into line by
uril.e-, wl ii.h i-c-t the wv.rhtupnaii so mueli nmiicy, a preat bt p in
iitlviinee will have 1, ; it tak'eu. Tld the mt wontlerful work of
A(' O.MI'LIMIMKNT we have to Ick forward to in 1 VO 4, and the
time " il! .-urely e;i::e.
I i r , the . ! ; : ..t '.'.-.eat apiin-t aneiety, peqietually UN
DKKMIXI'.S. THE SANCTITY OF THE HOME, and we shall
li i. a-.i ,-v .no (i on u,,,,ii u . tl 1 1 1 t ifl tf 1 , i T fl .1 A fil I) l (1 rl -! Ill A I
llil t) t m; IJII'.I mii 1 ' n -ai iv; roiuii';u tin- jii'ni,i. . uiuu umv
to me ii"t l'liif up, jirid wantetl me to marry hiin. I began to ask
question and found he had obtained a divorce from his wife tho day
before. I said, "I will not marry you," and I did not.
In many cases divorce U eimply a countenanced evil of the moat
DEUAS1XO kind, and we shall huve to meet the situation and handle
it without gloves. How we are to do this I do not know. . One thing
I do know THE MINISTERS MUST BE MORE CAREFUL
Tliat Xfhfit I am trying to be. I do not refuse to iriarry all peoplo
who Lave been divorced.: I do, however, look very carefully over
their papers and find out all I can. If the explanations given to mo
aeem good I marry the'couple. If not I refuse. I hold tho option.
I think I have that right. ',
, ;
IOtlltl'KS tl.c
bull player thut bo v.
cessful If ht would try .
Ixist-a uftor nluht.
Pcrhnpa the man who luwlsta on 1h
tug cromiiifd wants to huve a warm
finlflj.
i
Anyway a man tuny Kt't time aatla
f. ict Ion by ulvlug the lav i mower a
kick us ho pas-ion it with t i d of couL
Tho man whose only boo';a are wom
an'a look would get alou, faster If he
had a few checkbooks aa well.
If all fleah la graaa, why Isn't dried
beef huy T
All a man haa to do who wanta thir
teen different dlaeanca la to call la thir
teen different doctor.
No wise man will wear a celluloid
collar when be atarta out to bare a hot
Urn. . -
billposter la a auperatltloua man.
lie bettevea In algna.
LOST! YESTERDAY - -
'fc Somewhere between daylight anl dark, .
S TWO GOLDEN HOURS
t-iKac1i st t with Sixtv Diamond Minutes. No reward is civen to the finder, for thevl
,l,can never be found they are gone forever, and as time is money, so is your moneyjQ
W wasted in building an S
IHFRI0R FEHC
That takes time to be patching, also to gather up stock that has gotten into a NEIGH UOR'SJ jQ
FIELD, or to chase your Neighbor's Stock that has gotten into YOUR FIELD.
.lA fru M r . 4 m
'i K-
1 I '
,ir , aa
Buy a Pago Fence
And by so doing ave time and money, and live in peace and harmony with your neighbor.
Agents Wanted. For lull particulars, address
PAGE WOVEN WIRE FENCE CO.
E. ESTES, Mniuiiter oi ilHlrihutary, P. Patton, Gastoa,
3UMIXNVILLE OKEUON." Local Agent, Northwetern Wh. Co
8
toi