HONEST A B f U . S M .
You may capture the notes of the gray
meadow lark
And praise up the notes of the Jay;
You may tell of the rose as It blooms by
the door;
Ha Write« Some Poetry Tor Uncle Joth
You may talk of the tulip and pink;
You may cull me the choicest and ran
White. Who 1« In Love
of blooms.
But I shall continue to think
With t Widow.
OLD AND NEW COINS.
In te re s tin g F acts Abou t C o in a g e
th e D lt te r e u t M in ts.
at
Plot of Mrs.
Bowser
“ As your w ife l nave a ngnt to taut
to you and shall exercise it. Mr. Bow
ser, four months ago I bought four
dozen clothespins at 2 cents a dozen
Today I counted them up and found
only forty-five. I want to know what
has become of the missing three. Hnv
you thrown them at eats, sold them for
fuel or loaned them to some builder to
make scaffolding for a skyscraper?
The money value is not great, but the
loss of three clothespins goes to show
that you have no care how soon w
bring up In some charitable institu
tion. Answer me without dodging.
Mr. Bowser couldn’t answer ut all
He had been “ Jumped on” so suddenly
and so vigorously that he was like u
man headed up in a barrel. The cat
who bad been asleep under the lounge
to prepare for a night’s promenade
around the neighborhood, woke up as
Mrs. Bowser began to talk, und she
was so tickled at seeing Mrs. Bowse
having the best of it that she grinned
In Mr. Bowser's face and narrowly
escaped a tremendous kick launched in
her direction.
“ And there’s another thing,” contin
ued Mrs. Bowser ufter a moment of
waiting. “ A pane o f glass in one of
the kitchen windows has been crack
ed. Who cracked it? Don’t tell me that
the cook did it by accident or thnt some
boy threw a stone from the alley. You
are morally responsible for all the win
dows, and you must be on hand to
protect them. Did you break that pane
to spite me und help along your waste
nnd extravagance? Did you take
sledgQ hammer and stand off and delib
erately pound and whack and smash
until you had succe»>ded in cracking It
from top to bottom?”
“ By thunder, woman, but I —I” —
stammered Mr. Bowser as he realized
The director of the mint is called on
to answer such a wide range o f ques
tions concerning the values o f old and
new coins und medals that he has
That nothing on earth can compare with found It necessary to issue circulars
my Jane.
covering matters of this sort. They She Makes It Decidedly Interest
(Copyright. 190», by C. B. Lewis.]
Oh. would that I now stood beside her
tell some Interesting fucts. It appears
To
show
to
the
world
the
tu-mul-tu-ous
FOUND Uncle Josh W hite at hla
ing For Mr. B. For One Even
that the mint does not buy old coins or
love
farmhouse gate the other day us
paper money except some rare colonial
I ’ve got for the wldder named Snyder!
ing by Hauling Him Over
I drove up with a letter, but I no
Uncle Josh had sat beside me at the coins in fine condition, which are de
ticed when I wus yet a quarter of
the Coals, to His Great
kitchen table as I wrote, sometimes sired for the mint cabinet. Mutilated
u mile away that his white locks and
trying to read a line without his or uncurrent United States gold and
Astonishment.
venerable whiskers hud been dyed a
glasses und again gazing Into vucancy silver coin is purchased as bullion.
Jet black by the village barber. Uncle
und uttering long sighs. When 1 hud The mint has no pattern pieces for sale.
Josh is seventy-two years old and has
(Copyright. 190S. by C. B. Lewis ]
finished I read the poem to him and The government pays no premium for
500 wrinkles on his face, and the black
the return of any of its coins or pa
H E B E was a certain atmos
asked how he liked It
hair and whiskers made him look too
per money.
New coins cannot be
phere surrounding Mr. Bowser
“
Abe,”
he
replied
as
he
brought
his
runny for anything.
ns he came home the other
list down on the table, “ the Wldder struck until authorized by an act of
••Hello," I said as I drove up. “ but
congress.
The
mint
supplies
United
evening that warned Mrs.
Snyder is mine from this hour. There
what's become o f Uncle Josh? I don't
lialn't no wldder on earth who kin States coins only and not o f any past Bowser of trouble to come. As a mat
remember to have seen him lately.”
stand up ag'in slch poetry as tliut It'll date. The fifty dollar goldpiece and ter of fact, several things had annoyed
“ Uncle Josh Is uround, 1 guess,” he
wobble her from heud to heel, and all the hulf dollar and quarter dollar him during the duy, nnd on the street
answered, with a pleased look.
I ’ve got to do is to foller it up by ask pieces In gold were struck by privats car coming home a drunken man had
“ Glad to hear It. Didn’t know but
in' her to have me. By thunder. Abe. parties on the California coast during Insisted on recognizing him as a long
he'd gone out west. Just give him this
the 1849 period and not by the United lost brother, and a loafer had stepped
but I’ll put them verses ag’in any man’s
letter and my best respects.”
States government.
on his feet and then called him a liar.
million dollars and win out. i f I'd sot
“ Abe, don’t you know me?” he nsked
The coinage of the following coins
It was only natural that he should
down and tried for a million years I
ns lie took the letter.
ceased in the years named: H a lf and blame Mrs. Bowser and hold her re
couldn’t have done half so well.”
“ You are Uncle Josh's boy Jim, I
1 cent, copper. In 1857; 1 cent, nickel. sponsible, and all through the dinner
“ Were your hair and whiskers dyed
reckon.”
1894; half dime und 3 cents, silver, and hour he was casting about for an ex
when you called at the widow’s?” I
“ Look again.”
2 cents, bronze, In 1873; 20 cents, sil cuse to open his batteries. Mrs. Bow
asked as he followed me out to the
“ By John. If It ain't Uncle Josh hlm-
ver, 1878; trade dollars. 18S3; $1 and ser was watching the thermometer, and
gute.
Relf! Well, well! Buy, Uncle Josh, If
$3. gold, and 3 cents, nickel, 1889. they had no sooner reached the sitting
“ No, Abe. and I ’m a leetle bothered
you only had a bat on your shoulder
The Columbian half dollar was coined room than she said:
about that. She’ll see In a mlnit that
I ’d say you were go'ngout to play 'two
In 1892 nml the Isabella quarter In
“ Mr. Bowser, the gas hill came In to
there has been a change, and mebbe
old cat’ with the ..Ids. Gone right
1893. The Lafayette dollar was struck day, and it is $1 more than last month.
she’ll ask about it. I don’ t want her
linck to thirty years old, and ns good
In 1899, the date on the coin (1!»00) be This extravagance on your part has
to think I ’m vain, you know, but what
looking a chap as cun be found In the
ing that of the unveiling of the memo got to stop or I shall know the reason
can I tell her?”
country. How did you do It?”
rial.
why. You seem to be doing your best
“ That you were struck by lightning.
“ Abe,” he said as he stroked his
There are certain markings on every to drive me to the poorhouse.”
It always turns white hair black. Tell
whiskers and kept one eye on the
United States coin that enable the
“ Wh-wlmt’s that?” exclaimed Mr.
her that a thunderbolt knocked you
house, “ I wus wuitlu' for you. You
place of its coinage to be located. Bowser as he looked at her and won
down while you were splitting rails.’’
are a truthful man. Mebbe you know
Those struck at the Philadelphia mint dered If he heard aright.
“ I ’ll do It. Abe. It did thunder the
what my true age is. but I want to
have no mint mark, but those struck
" I went down cellar the other day that a revolution had broken out and
other duy, and she must hnve heard it.
ask you how old I look Jest ns I stand
at all other mints ere distinguished by after you had gone." she continued, was likely to be a success.
Yes, I was knocked over by a blamed
here? If you wus a stranger what
The cat sat up beyond reach of his
a small letter on the reverse, near the “ and there were two gas Jets blazing
big thunderbolt, but all the harm It
would you guess my uge to be?”
bottom. These letters are C for Char nwny ns If the rats were holding a fes foot and purred and grinned for Mrs.
did wus to turn my hnlr and whiskers
“ I ’d say from thirty to thirty-live.
lotte, N. C., discontinued in 1801; CC tival. You lighted them and left them. Bowser to go on and fire more grape-
black nnd set me back to thirty-five
Uncle Josh—not a day more.”
for Carson City, N ev„ discontinued in That’s Just your way. You are the shot. and presently there was more to
years old. There ain’t no files on you.
“ Wouldn’t you say forty-live?"
18'.)3; D for Dablonega, Ga.. discontin most careless, extravagant man I know be heard.
young man.”
“ There are some few things I am
“ Never. I'd allow up to thlrty-flvi
ued in 1801; O for New Orleans and S of, and you’ll have to make a change
Uncle Josh was to copy and send the
and then bet two to one."
. for San Francisco. The coins o f the for the better or there will be trouble going to do this winter, and I want to
poem off that afternoon, and he thought
.
tell you in advance and warn you not
"Then that settles it, and they may 7
__ ., . „
.
,
l ulted States now authorized by law in tills house.”
he should have an answer In a couple
,
, , , , ,
,
. . . .
to raise uny row with me. We need
blow till they can’t blow no longer.
a ... He did have one. 1 wo days
,
lire: In gold, doub e eagle, eagle,
half
“ You—you are talking to me?”
of , days.
"
three or four fire «>scniH>s around the
It's the hair and whiskers. Abe. I'v
eagle, quarter eagle; In silver, half dol
“ Yes. sir. I ’m talking straight to you,
Inter he stopped me at the barnyard
house, and I'm going to buy 'em.
lmd 'em fixed up a bit. and Sarah and
lar.
quarter
dollar
and
dime;
minor,
5
and I hope you won’t lose a word of
and beckoned me Into the barn. I no
Kill have been Jumpin’ on me about it.
i cut. nickel, and 1 cent, bronze. A per what I say. That last ton o f range don't propose to be burned up In my
tired that he was pale and agitated,
They both say I look to be ninety and
tain may buy a proof set of gold coins coal is nearly out. Did you sell part bed at night, no matter how you feel
and I feared that Sarah or Bill might
tliut I lialr”. got the sense of u hen to
from tlie mint for $38.50 and a proof o f it to the neighbors or encourage about It. Then I shall take dumbbell
be seriously ill.
and other exercises for my rlieuma
go and color up. 1 couldn't see that
set of silver and minor coins for (1.50.
“ I ’ve got an answer from the Wldder
tism. The doctor lias ordered It. you
looked over forty, and you say that
When
tlie
business
of
the
mints
is
Snyder,” he said as his chin quivered.
know. lie says if 1 could take boxing
don't look over thirty-live, und they
slack mednls may be struck from dies
“ Oh. I see! Well, what 1» It?”
lessons It would be a good thing, but
may talk alul lie Imaged to ’em.”
For answer he took from his pocket furnished by individuals, public insti
I haven’t made up my mind about that
“ And what’s In the wind. Uncle
a folded sheet o f foolscap and handed tutions nnd incorporated societies at n
yet.”
Josh?” I said as I gave him u wink.
charge
sufiicleut
to
cover
the
cost
of
it to me. A woman’s hand hud used a
"A re you—you Mrs. Bowser?” asked
“ Kin you keep It, Abe?”
the operation and tlie value o f the
pencil to write:
a hoarse voice as she paused for
“ O f course.”
luetal.—Brooklyn Engle.
You
may
tell
me
o
f
donkeys
and
nsses
and
breath.
"Then It’s the new wldder that's
slch.
“ I am. sir. I am Mrs. Bowser, wife
moved on to the old Frazer furm. Seen
Of men who have wheels tn their head;
W
HY
DON’T
YO
U
?
You may sing me the song of the old gen
her ylt?”
o f Mr. Bowser, and I am talking to
der goose
“ No.”
him nnd to no one else. There Is a sale
Why don’t you answer your friend’s
Or the calf who Is ill In his bed:
“ Waal, she’s a dulsy. Only thirty-five,
next week by nuctlon of antique furni
letter at once?
handsome as an alarm clock and wutb You may tell me o f meadows and valleys
ture. und I shall attend. This bouse
Why don’t you make the promised
and rills;
$10,000. Abe, I'm on her trull.”
needs a tnble o f the Louis X II. style,
visit to that luvalld? She Is looking
You may talk of the surf on the shore;
“ Shoo, Uncle Josh!”
n cabinet of the Ixrals X III. mnke nnd
You may send mo a car load of roses and for you day after day.
“ On her trnll, Al>e, and bound to
n sofn and a few cbnlrs to show that
pinks
Why don't you seud away that little
And tempt me with pansies galore.
ovcrhuul her. I stopped there the other
we nre up on Ixrais X IV . I f I enn pick
gift you've been planning to send?
up any old masters in cracked frames
But I shall still think a s the days flee Mere kind Intentions never accomplish
at the same time I ’m going to do It.”
away
any good.
And the winds of old winter doth sigh
"Good Lord! Good Lord!” whispered
Why don't you try to shat« the bur
That the fool c f a man who taketh the
Mr.
Bowser ns he wriggled around in
cake
den o f that sorrowful one wi.o works
Ills chair, while the cat got under the
Is the fool who resorts to the dye.
beside you? Is It because you are
piano to whisper to herself:
“ Abe, what does it mean?” trem growing selfish?
“ Gee whiz, but nln't the old man
blingly asked Uncle Josh ns I handed
Why don’t you speak out t ie encour
having a hot old time in this old town
him buck the paper.
aging words that you have In your
’ YOU SIT KIQ H T THERE AND LISTEN TO tonight!”
"It means that the Widow Snyder thoughts? Unless you express them
ME.”
“ I shall nlso look around for a nice
doesn’t want to become the Mrs. they are o f no use to others.
tramps to throw it into the street? I ’m milk cow,” resumed Mrs. Bowser as
White,” I replied.
Why don't you take more pains to he sure that you are responsible lu some she walked up nnd down the room.
‘‘She turns me down, does she?”
self sacrificing and loving in tlie every way that It didn't last longer.”
"W e use two quarts of milk per day.
"She does.”
day home life? Time is raj idly pass
•’Woman!” shouted Mr. Bowser as he nnd by buying a eow for $40 nnd pay
"And I go back to seventy-two years
ing. Your dear ones will not be with finally got liis breath. “ Have you been ing out $3 per week for her keep I fig
again, don’ t I?”
you always.
Lit on the bend and bad your senses ure tliut we would save aliout $500
/j
“ I guess you do.”
Why don't you cronte around you an knocked out o f you?”
per year. I was reading yesterday thnt
"And you won’t mistake me for ray
atmosphere of happiness nud helpful
"No, sir, I haven't,” she replied in de every family ought to keep a bog, as
son again?”
ness so that all who come in touch with ckled tones. "You sit right down there hogs never eat anything beyond the
"Not hardly.”
you may be made better? Is not this and listen to me. How does It come fish bones nnd potato peelings, which
"Waal. I ’ll go and git soft soap nnd
possible?—Class Mate.
that the butcher has sent in a bill for are generally wasted, and I shall buy
hartshorn nnd wnsli off this d.ve nml
a balance of 19 cents? Don't squirm one and save about $250 a year on our
let the Wldder Snyder go to Texas.
E a r ly T obacco .
around nnd look us red as a boiled lob pork. We w ill also need a few hens.
And—nnd” —
Aoeordlug to John Auliery, who ster, but give me a straight answer. I believe you paid a dollar npiece for
"And what?” I nsked.
wrote a celebrated work on “ the very Did you stop and buy n sausage to eat those you bought two or three years
“You kin go there too.”
“ AUK, WON'T YOU KNO W M K?” U K A SK ED
queer« Indian weede,” there was a at the office? Have you been sending ago nml thnt they all turned out roost
M. QUAD.
time when tobacco was worth its pork chops to some distressed family ers and we never got an egg, but I
•\ day to see If she wanted to buy any
weight in silver. Among other things nnd keeping It a secret from me?”
liogs. and I fell In love with her before
know I can do better than that. The
S o rry H r Spoke.
Aubcry says: “ Sir W alter Halelgh was
she had opened her mouth. Her name
" I won’t be talked to in this man hens can be had for about 50 cents
Auntie—Whom do you love best?
the
first
that
brought
tobacco
Into
Eng
D Snyder now, but I ’ll make her change
nnlece. and we can build a henhouse of
ner!” he said as he blustered up.
I Hilly—Mamma.
land. and in our parts—North Wilts—
It to White within it year or break my
Auntie— Who next?
It came in fashion through Sir W alter
back a-tryln’.
I've told Sarah nnd
Dolly—You.
Long. They used silver pipes, but tlie
Bill no . nnd they are milkin' things
Auntie—Who next?
commouers used a walnut shell.
It
mighty hot for me. They say I'v e got
Dolly—Bn by.
wus sold then for its weight In silver.
one foot In the grave and won't live a
Father (from the background)-And I have heard some of your old yeomen
year, but you see how little they know whore does daddy come in ?
neighbors say that when they went to
about It.”
D olly—Tw o o'clock In the morning.— Chippenham to market they nlways
"And so you are going to pro(>osp to Buffalo School No. 5(1 Weekly.
culled out their shillings to lay in the
the Widow Snyder, eh?" I asked when
scales against the tobacco. Now the
I had got my breuth back.
N ot In t 'o n g r r a l .
customers of It are among the greatest
"Jest ns shore ns turnips is turnips.
t r - l ------
that his majesty bnth."
Alte, nnd I nln't goln’ to waste much
time nlKUit it either. I wnnt to begin
A T m of S o b r l r t r .
courtin’ right away, and that’s where
Gentlemen who have put an enemy
you come In.”
into their mouths are recommended to
“ But I can’t ooV t for you.”
try a very simple test for the purpose
“ I don’t wnnt you to. The day 1
of finding out whether their brains
called the wldder and me talked mostly
have been stolen. They must stand
about hogs and cows, but she let It
erect with their eyes closed, nnd If
drop that she loved poetry and had a
they can perform this feat for n brief
tender feelln’ for poets. You are a
period they may come to the conclu
poet. Abe. and n got durned good one."
sion that they are all right. Tw o In
“ And you wnnt her to fall in love
dividuals who were accused o f drunk
with me? I see."
enness at Pontefract prove»! that they
“ You don't see nuthln’ of the sort
bail honorably stood the test, and the
I wnnt you to do me the biggest favor
cases against them were dismissed.
op earth by wrltln' me some poetry
The great merit of the plan is that It
rnd lettln’ me pass It off ns my own
can be put into operation anywhere
I ain't otterin’ you money down, but
and at any time.—London Tit-Bits.
I ’m sayln’ that from the day I marry
I
\
B
ML
-I
2 s
:\
Itouiun architecture for $75. We will
then have our owu eggs and not be
swallowing microbes every day.”
" I forbid it. woman—I forbid It!”
shouted Mr. Bowser as he Jumped up
and waved his arms around.
“ Man, do you know who you are talk
ing to?”
" I say 1 forbid it!”
"But that won’t make nuy difference.
I nm Mrs. Bowser; you are simply the
husband of Mrs. Bowser. When I don’t
know enough to run things around
here I ’ll step down und out, and you
nniy try it. And there’s auother thing
I wish to speuk ubout. Your father is
all right iu a way, but 1 don’ t want
him coming around here and thinking
he can run me or my house. I shall
submit to no dictation from him.”
“ Has the end of the world come at
last?" asked Mr. Bowser o f himself ns
he pinched his leg and remembered
how often he had inveighed against his
motber-in-luw.
"And now about clubs,” said Mrs.
Bowser as she paused before him.
"You belong to two or three, and they
are always working you for a soft
thing. I propose to Join four or five,
and I think I can bold my own. I
want something to take up my evenings
and use up my spare cash. It is quite
likely I shall be nsked to deliver recita
tions nnd essays, and the name of
Mrs. Bowser may come to be known In
the land. You have had muny oppor
tunities, but you have not accomplished
anything yet.”
“ And this to me—to me—to me!”
gasped Mr. Bowser as he glanced at
the eat and saw that she was almost iu
convulsions.
“ And one more thing. Mr. Bowser.
You ure one of the most careless men
in the world, ns I have often observed.
Should you lose your purse with 15
cents in It on the street cur or in u
store don’t come home and expect any
sympathy from me. I liuve told you
that you can’t be trusted even with a
quarter to go to the butcher’s for a
pound o f bacon, nnd if you w ill persist
in your careless ways you must take
the consequences. I think that is about
all tonight. Let me see! No, there Is
one more thing. I f I come home und
find that you have given away one of
my dresses or cloaks to some lazy old
tramp I'll not buy you another gar
ment of nny sort for a year.”
‘And she talks—she talks—she tnlks!”
groaned Mr. Bowser.
’That’s quite all, and now I hnve
business In the library, and you needn’t
sit up for me. It is sixty miles to
your father's house, and the train
leaves at 10 o’clock In the morning.
Should you decide to go my lawyer and
your lawyer can easily arrange about
the alimony. Good night, Mr. Bowser,
good night.”
Tw o hours later Mrs. Bowser came
softly into the room to find Mr. Bowser
asleep in his chair with the cat on his
knees. They had gone to sleep while
wondering where he was at, and the
look still remained on his face.
M. QUAD.
A
C o m p a r a tiv e S u c r e »«,
“ You say your flying machine was a
comparative success?”
Yes,” answered the Inventor. “ It
got Into the air and back to earth with
out spilling anybody or breaking any
machinery.” —Washington Star.
’tA
/
EaMlly E xp lain ed .
The Cop—By Jove! The folks here live
pretty high, don’t they?
The Cook—Oh, yes. I gave them to
understand that they’d hnve to If they
wanted to keep me.—Brooklyn Life.
A F e a t In G r o w t h .
“ I lost my foot in the war,” said the
tramjx "and I'm trying to raise enough
money to get out to California.”
What do you want to go to Califor
nia for?" asked the woman at the door.
Oh, I ’ ve heard that there are things
which grow a foot in a day out there.”
—Yonkers Statesman.
V
T h e P e e e lv e r n .
Miss Verjuce—What a shame it is
how the men deceive us poor women!
Miss Bluehose—They would never get
woman to mnrry them unless they
did. my dear.—New Yorker.
Fire! Fire!! Fire!!!
Is your property insured against Fire?
I r
If n o t, w h y not?
M i
A
If i t is the cost let
us suggest that you investigate the
Oregon Fire Relief Association’s
the Wldder Snyder your hay, oats, but
M a rita H la F a ta .
ter and tnters Wbn't cost you a red
" I see that an eastern editor say«
cent. Sarah and Bill have gone to
that ns a matter o f fact women form
town today, nnd you Jest come In for a
“The Bill before the house.”
clubs simply ss an excuse for eating
glass o f milk and a piece o f pie and
—New York Evening Journal.
and drinking between meals.”
start that courtin’ off for me."
"Horrid thing! Is be married or sin
I
l
i
a
H
r
n
a
r
d
.
H a lf an hour Inter I had turned the
g le r
" I thought," he said, "that I knew
wheel and ground out:
"W h y?"
You may tell ma of mountains and valleys bow to make love."
"Because If he's either he doesn’t de
“ And don’ t you?”
and streama.
serve to be " —Cleveland riain Dealer.
Of dolls midst the tall whlspertns plna
"W ell. It didn't seem to work right
Of msadews that charm and waters that when I told Koee «be was the only girl
roll
W h a t ’s t h e A a e w e e t
I had ever loved."
As the sun In tbs wsst doth decline;
Jokeley-H ere’s s conundrum for
"W hat did she say T
yoe. Coke!ey l,et’s here i t Jokeley
You mey atng me the son* of ths sad
"She said she'd never marry a Itar." —I f “ time is money." what Is an eight
nightingale;
You may slog ms tha sweet robin's lag; —Chicago Post.
day clock worth?—Philadelphia ledger.
PLAN
Nr
No better or cheaper insurance can be purchased.
quire about i t o f
In
J, F. W O O D S , A g e n t
F O R E ST G R O V E , .............................
OREGO N