Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 8, 1916)
LITTLE TO CHOOSE
AFTER ALL, MEN ARE VERY MUCH
ALIKE IN HABITS.
At Proof, Jack Dlmpleton, After Serv
ing 11 Model for More Than
Twenty Years, Fell Down
With a Crash.
Mrs. Whlttler hud lived with her hus
band In a practically continuous man
ner for nearly 29 yeurs. During thin
period of time, they had been on a
practically continuous busls of frlend
hlp with the Dlinpletons, who lived
just far enough uwny to make such a
friendship a prnctleul uffulr.
There are always moments when tho
worm turns. This was one of them.
Mrs. Whlttlor had said, after hav
ing reminded her husband that he hud
not fixed the lock on the reur door (as
lie hud promised to do four days previ
"Imagine Jack Dlmpleton keeping
Sullle waiting like that 1"
Whlttler glared. An outsider, un
aware of the long history of his wrongs
In this particular direction, would
have failed to understand Ids sudden
"Look here!" he cxclulmed "Unit's
enough. I'm not going to stand that
"Stand whut," suld Mrs. Whlttler,
Just as If she didn't know what he
"For twenty yeurs you have been
comparing me with Juck Dlmpleton.
Every time I've failed to meet your dis
torted demands you've been saying
that same thing holding him up as a
model. It's too much. You ought to
have married him."
:"As if I hudn't heard that before!
Well, Jack Dlmpleton would have kept
his promise. He would have fixed that
"Stop!" There was a dangerous
look in Whlttler's eyes. "We're going
over there tonight, aren't we?"
"Well, we'll see. I propose to find
out Just how much better he Is than
I. We'll settle this thing once and for
"Pooh !" Mrs. Whlttler wasn't at all
alarmed. Hadn't he said thut same
thing upon numerous occuslons, and
had anything ever come of It? She
merely laughed and they parted for
the time being. '
They arrived at the Plmpleton's at
7:15. It was a dinner engagement,
Whlttler pressed tho door bell.
"Just on time," he said, looking at
his watch. "If It hadn't been for me-
"I didn't hear that bell ring," said
Mrs. Whlttler. "You always do hear
It ring. Don't I know that?"
"Well, I rang It all right," said Whit
tier. "I'm not going to Insult people
by making them think the house is on
Mrs. Whlttler pressed the button,
She had no such sentiments being a
woman in easy mental clrcunistunces.
"There!" Bhe exclaimed. "You
didn't hear anything, did you? That
bell Is out of order." She began
Hurried steps inside; the door
thrown open. Mrs. Dlmpleton In
front. Her husband in rear. Maid
coming forward in distance.
"My dears I I was watching for you.
Hope you haven't beeu wultlng. No, the
bell doesn't ring. Of course "
Mrs. Dlmpleton turned to her apolo
getic, submerged matrimonial tenth,
"He knew about It. Didn't I tell him
to see the electrician ! Hut that's
the way Jack always docs, Now,
John," turning to Whlttler, "wouldn't
huve fulled to fix It Immediately
I wish, my dear," turning to her bus
bund aguln, "thut you were only more
"Look here!" asserted Dlmpleton
Whlttler stopped him.
"Just a moment, old man." Ho turned
to Mrs. Dlmpleton:
"Excuse me, Sullle," he said, "you've
beeu holding me up us a model to Jack
for ubout twenty yeurs, lmven't you?"
"I certainly have. If "
Mrs. Dlmpleton gasped. So did Mrs,
Whlttler. Then in a flash they all
aeemed to understand at once."
"I guess It's a standoff," said Whit
tier, with a cheap Insulting tone of
triumph in his strldulunt voice.
"es," replied Dlmpleton almost
leering, "but suppose I had fixed that
boll why this thing might huve gone
on forever." Chesterton Todd, in
Typical American Gentleman.
A pleusnnt retort wus that once giv
en by Admiral Marsdeu many yeurs
ago nt a dinner In Malta. It wus glv-
en on the Fourth of July by htm to the
American olllcers on a nmn-of-wnr, and
nil the Kngllsh olllcers lu the harbor
were guests. They were no bettor
bred thun mnny Englishmen of that
tluy, for whou the regular toast, "The
4luy we celebrate," wus read, they set
down their glasses uutusted. Tlie ven
erable host added, gently : "The duy,
gentlemen, when England celebrates
the coming of age of her eldest (laugh.
ter." Every face cleared, and the
toast was drunk with hearty cheers.
"How would you like, to be the cap
tain of a submarine liner?"
"The idea doesn't appeal to me at
nil," answered the innu who Is fond of
"Well, why not?"
"For me half the fun of being the
oiptitln of an oceun liner would be to
stand on the bridge and sweep the
eea with my glasses in lull view of
hundreds of admiring passengers scat
tered about on the upper oecit,"
Mother's Cook Book.
The world, does not care what coll'ire or
unlvemlty you graduate from, or hnw
many diploma you may have, or how
many leLtera after your numo; It asks:
WHAT CAN YUU Inj"
Cato laid: "I would rather the world
aaked why no etatues were erected to my
memory, than why they were."
Hot Weather Dlihes.
As little people feel the heat as
much as grownups and are not as
capuble of caring for themselves, It
behooves the mother to see that her
child is fed properly. Simple meals
with fresh vegetables und fruits are
the best for both old and young dur
ing the hottest weuther. Succulent
vegctublcs are refreshing because
they are served cold and because of
the acids and minerals thut they con
tain. A few slices of ripe, Juicy to
matoes with a good salad dressing,
served with a sandwich of nut breud
and a simple drink, either hot or cold
as seems best, Is a luncheon of suffi
cient nourishment to satisfy any ap
petite wisely, during hot weather.
This is the time to eliminate rich
pastries and puddings, serving meat
but once a duy at the most.
Peas on Toast.
Cook green peus until tender, then
season well with rich cream, suit and
pepper, pour over nicely browned
toast that has been lightly buttered.
Serve hot. This is a dish that will
take the place of meat. Some time,
for a change, tuke a little peanut but
ter, thin with wuter to muke a suuee,
and serve on vegetables.
Nut Gravy for Toast.
Add a large tublespoouful of nut
butter, rubbed smooth, with a little
wuter, to a pint of hot milk, thicken
with flour rubbed smooth In a little
of the cold milk, season well and
serve either on toust or potatoes.
Cook together a few green peas,
some small even-sized onions und
small carrots, until tender, letting the
liquor remain for addltlonul flavor.
Add rich milk seasonings of suit and
pepper and two tablespoonfuls of bits
of suit pork diced , and browned,
adding the hot fat also, to give a rich
ness to the stew.
Muke smnll cone-shaped potato
croquettes, putting a spoonful of
cooked green peas In each as it lu be
ing molded. The potuto should be
mushed and seasoned, and the peus
also seasoned. Then fry as usual in
Telemeter, "Eye of the Gun"
Is a Wonderful Instrument
The telemeter, used by all artiller
ists in some shape or other, is also
known as the eye of the gun. It is
really a tube with two telescopic
lenses, one on each end. The "objec
tives" of the two lenses are placed In
side the Instrument and towards the
end of the tube. Prisms with five faces
act as reflectors, so thnt the person
looking in has mechanically spread his
eyes to the two ends of the tube, with
a tremendous rnuge of vision.
Of course, the ends are so arranged
thnt they may be directed at a single
object at the same time, thus making
It possible for the observer to see what
would otherwise be beyond the power
of the human eye and to know, by the
angle at which It Is viewed, the dis
It requires n little practice to use
tills wonderful instrument, but In a
few days the operator ascertains how
easily he can determine the precise dis
tance he Is from the object he Is look
ing at and by a quick calculation he di
rects the pointing of the gun so that It
cunnut full to strike at the desired
Wearing of Wedding Rings.
German women when engaged wear
a wedding ring on the third finger of
the right hand. Swiss wives wear the
wedding ring on the left hand, but
widows on tho right. When engaged
Swiss women wear the wedding ring
with a Jeweled ring under It; when
married the wedding ring is under
neath. The married man, by the way,
has to show his "condition" by wear
lug a wedding ring.
America's First Canal.
America's first canal was dug at
South Hadley, Mass., when Washing
ton was president. It was completed
120 years ago. That little waterway
gave De Witt Clinton his Idea for the
canal across New York state the
the greatest single Impetus ever con
tributed to tho upbuilding of a large
city. It was the Erie canal that gave
New York the needed speed to puss
Philadelphia as the metropolis of this
To Keep Plants Fresh.
There Is a simple way to water
ferns and flowers which will be of in
terest to one who must leuvo them for
a time without care. Take a washing
tub anil place threo or four bricks In
ltennd put about two Inches of water
In the tub. Place the flowers on these
bricks and place the tub where they
can get the morning sunshine.
"A penny saved la a penny earned,"
quoted the morallzer.
"But," rejoined the demorallier,
"the pocket piece you carry for tea
years draws no Interest"
TRIPOLI, the highly-Inflammable
land of Arab and Berber, has
exchanged Its peace-time In
dustries for the industry of
War, and according to a statement pre
pared by the National Geographic so
ciety, the newer Industry adds little
to the normal hazard of Trlpolltan
Danger Is the dally bread and meat
of the dweller in Tripoli, and, in this
country flecked with occasional oases
and fringed with narrow strips of
coastal vegetation, even the principal
native pursuits for wealth and hap
piness are accompanied by hidden ter
ror and grave risk. The principal
sources of Income to Trlpolitans are
those of sponge gathering, of esparto
picking and of carrying on the trans
saharan caravan trade.
Whether the native son seeks to
make his "pile" searching the slimy
bottom of the Mediterranean for
sponges, or gathering esparto grass In
the morning mists of the desert, or fol
lowing the caravan of a thousand cam
els back from the coast through 1,600
miles of Saharan desert to the distant
Sudan, he takes not only his labor
and capital for profit but also his
health and life. More often than not
he reaps disability or death as his
Perils of Sponge Gatherers.
The wild seas that now and again
boll over the northern coast of Africa
are the smallest part of the sponge
diver's hazard. Paralysis Is always
Just ahead of this venturesome laborer
who, day by day making foolhardy
rapid ascents from the sea bed under
press of keen competition, sooner or
later experiences the return to ship
board in terrific dizziness, which forms
the usual prelude to partial or com
plete paralysis. Strange as It may
seem, many partially-paralyzed divers
are able to continue their calling, and
the unfitted, helpless cripple In the
upper air feels normal circulation re
turn to arms and legs when lowered
into the sea on the sponge grounds,
And the Arab divers of Tripoli, believ
ing the disease Indispensable to the
vocation, and Inured to hazard In their
peculiar fatherland, dive phlegmatic.
ally through a few fat seasons until
crippled or killed by their chosen
Back in the plateau lands of the
Sahara, behind the coastal greens In
the silent, treeless, untenanted desert
wastes, where the alluring mystery of
the desert broods under the blighting
heat of day and beckons In fanciful
shapes over the dunes at night,
stretch vast fields of wiry esparto
grass, from which paper is manufac
tured in great mills In England. In
these fields, working for the starvation
wage of twenty cents a day or less
picking the grass and tying It In large
bales to be loaded on camel trains for
Tripoli City, the port of Trlpolltania,
is another corps of workers who ad
venture their safety In their work.
Picking the Esparto Grass.
Day begins for the esparto picker
In the moonlight of early morning. In
the chill of desert morning the picker
leaves his nearby shack for the field,
and begins his rapid task of breaking
the longest wiry blades, leg high, from
the most matured clump. And In the
heart of these clumps ever and again
lurks his danger in the form of his
arch enemy, the deadly viper. In the
clumps, also, are hidden the venom
ous North African rock Bcorplons,
whose stings now and again prove fa
tal. It Is the poisonous vipers, how
ever, that make the work of esparto
picking a sporting game with death,
Of the $2,000,000 of export trade en-
Joyed by Tripoli before the war, one
fifth of It was produced by the sponge
divers, more than one-third of It by
the esparto pickers and considerably
more than one-sixth was brought over
the wide, treacherous desert from the
Sudan. Many caravans, some of
few and some of thousand camels, fit
ted put In Tripoli, undertook the
danger-fraught Journeys to the great
marts of Sudanese trade Timbuktu
Kano, Kanen, Kuka, Bornu and Wadl
These journeys sometimes lasted two
years around, and brought their under
takers Into every species of danger
that the desert affords. Robbers In
fest all the lanes across the desert,
and, besides these, all the Inner desert
lies subject to the vengeful caprice of
the masked Tuaregs, the strange peo
ple who are at war with all who cross
their paths and do not pay a sufficient
The bones of the camels and men of
OF TRIPOLI CITY
a myriad of caravans of the past
bleach along the desert trails, cara
vans that mostly came to harm at the
hands of marauders; but there are
some among them destroyed by thirst,
by the sand storm or by the water of
wells poisoned in lnter-trlbal wars.
Of all three risky Trlpolltan trades,
the caravan trade is the most risky)
and the old caravan men will find lit
tle In the newer Industry of war for
which their peace-time labors have
not fully prepared them.
HELD ACT WAS JUSTIFIED
Judge Put Himself In the Prisoner's
Position and Felt He Would
Have Also Slain.
If there was one thing Ossup Mango
was partial to, it was a good moving
picture. So he settled down in an aisle
seat with a sigh of expectation as the
eighty-seventh episode of "The Haz
ards of Hannah" began on the screen.
Just as the note explaining the vil
lain's motive was flashed on, a stout
man with all his hair in his whiskers
wedged himself In front of Ossup on
his way to an Inside seat. '
"Pshaw, I missed the note!" thought
Ossup. "Ah! He's going to blow up the
Half a second before the dynamite
went off, a thin woman with three
babies in her arms got in front of him
on her way In.
"And I love explosions, too!" mut
tered Ossup. But a few minutes later
he brightened, for the aeroplane chase
All during the chase Ossup was gaz
ing at the back of a fireman who had
got wedged between Ossup's knees and
the seat In front.
I know!" thought Ossup. "I'll wait
for the second show and see the parts
these people have made me miss!" And
he did, and during the note scene the
thin woman stood In front of him on
her way out, the fireman blocked the
bridge explosion and the stout man
hid the aeroplane chase.
It was then that Ossup Mango killed
the two ushers who came down to
chide him for complaining aloud. But
later, the judge who tried him, being a
movie fan himself, discharged him
with words of commendation. Indian
New War Game.
Playing war got three small boys
Into the Columbus (Ind.) city court.
They had been reading the newspa
pers. They knew eggs were cheaper
and also about the latest things in gas
bombs. They armed themselves with
eggs, playing that they were hand
bombs, then lay in ambush to await
the coming of the enemy. Just any
sort of an enemy would satisfy them.
John J. Hosea, manager of the Citi
zens Telephone company In Columbus,
happened to come along with his newly-washed
touring car. Clarence Kep
ley, a friend, was riding with him. The
boys decided the car was a battleship
or a Taube or something like that,
and they opened fire. Eggs spattered
the sides of the car. Kepley Jumped
out of the machine and gave chase.
He captured one boy, who confessed
and gave the names of his confeder
ates. They were loaded in the car and
taken to the city court, where Mayor
Volland lectured them.
The Final Test.
"Can you tell me whether or not
our navy is a good one?" asked the
"Not yet," replied the sarcastic
man. "There is such a hopeless dif
ference of opinion regarding our navy
that I am going to reserve my own
opinion until it goes out and tackles
a hostile fleet."
Hits American Trade.
Chinese are becoming so adept In
the manufacture of biscuit and crack
ers that the Hongkong product is be
ginning to compete with the Imported
articles, having already worsted com
petition from Shanghai. This will af
fect the United States, from which the
major portion of biscuit, crackers and
cakes for China have been Imported.
The Charlotte Observer says that
"there hasn't, been a red petticoat in
North Carolina since the big sleet"
That's entirely too much for any one
editor to know. Nashville Tennes-aeaa.
POWER OF THE HUMORIST
Tercentenary of Cervantes Recalls to
Readers of History Memory of
The British are not the only people
who this year may celebrate the ter
centenary of a great writer. Madrid Is
erecting a monument to the author of
"Don Quixote." Cervantes wus more
thun a limn of letters; he wus more
than a great humorist; he was an
epoch. Muster of ridicule, he laughed
the defunct age of chivalry out of ex
istence. People often forget the soclul func
tion of the humorist, a New York
Tribune writer stutes. Ho restores
sanity. He clears the atmosphere of
extravagance and humbug. Bergson
uuys that laughter has "survlvul vulue"
as a corrective of soclul abuses. Cer
tainly some of the world's most ef
fective reformers have been Its mas
ters of ridicule and sutlre. There are
humorists, like Mark Twain, In whose
laughter there Is no sting, and there
huve been bitter satirists, like Jona
than Swift and La llochefoucauld, who
huve simply mocked the "ull too hu
munness" of munklnd at Its noblest.
But in almost every age there hus
been some bold nonconformist spirit
whose laughter in the face of some
traditional scarecrow has ended the
tyrunny of a truth which had out
lived its usefulness and become a He,
Knighthood In the days of Chaucer
had still its noble aspects, but knight
hood after. Cervantes wrote "Don
Quixote" could never quite escape a
touch of the burlesque. Therefore, men
turned to less antlquuted and more
real avenues of humun service.
SImllurly, the laughter of Aristo
phanes wrought confusion among the
ancient Greek sophists. Luciun's mock
ery corrected much of the sentimental
Ism of the effete Greco-Romun so
ciety. The sound laughter of Eras
mus, the humanist, spread the Influ
ence of the Renaissance in northern
Europe. Butler's "Hudibrns" helped
correct the extravagances of eurly
English purltanlsm. Voltaire laughed
the last remnants of medievalism out
of the eighteenth-century France and
cleared the ground for modern democ
racy. Carlyle's "Sartor Resartus"
made nineteenth century romanticism
ridiculous. The sly humor of Thack
eray brought common sense Into early
VIctorlanism, and the sardonic spirit
of Bernard Shaw in these times has
left little in modern commercial so
May the Cervantes monument stand
as a reminder to moderns thnt there
have been reformers with a sense of
Their Fear Not Realized.
The great fear of those whose act
here in Philadelphia 140 years ago
made this a nation was that the state
would not remain a nation, a writer In
the Philadelphia Public Ledger says.
History has proved In their case the
falsity of the epigram:
"The thing you fenr will get you."
What they feared never happened.
We are a young country, but a very old
government, as governments go.
Call the roll of the nations and you
will see thnt a majority of them are
babies besld the United States. Ja
pan's present Imperial regimen is not
half a century old.
The house of Hohenzollern Is fairly
ancient, but the German empire Is not
yet fifty and the French republic Is no
Austria nnd Hungary were yoked
together long after Franklin told the
signers of the Declurutlon of Independ
ence they must all hung together or be
Italy's kingdom Is not half so old as
the United States. Portugal's republic
Is a thing too young to vote, and the
Chinese republic has not yet been
All the score of Central nnd South
American republics are much younger
than Is this greatest of world repub
Nearly half the human race has now
copied that lesson which was an
nounced by the Liberty bell.
Bluffed the New Conductor.
He stood at the corner waiting for
a car. Several cars had stopped to let
him get on but he made no move to
Finally one stopped and a man got
"Did you pay your fare to the end of
the line?" inquired the waiting man.
"les," said the man who got off.
"Can I have your seat?" ho asked.
"Sure, It's the last one on the right-
hand side, cross seat."
The man clambered aboard nnd hur
ried to the seat just loft vacant.
"Fore please," said the conductor
"Fare nothing," responded the man,
"I Just took the other fellow's place
who got off and he said he paid to
the end of the line and said that I
could have his seat."
The response evidently was a stun
ner for the new conductor and he was
so surprised he passed up the fare.
New Life Preserver.
A novel life preserver has been de
vised to supplement the ordinary cork
jacket In rough water. By Its use the
person In distress Is able to breathe,
even when the waves sweep over his
head, The appliance adds to the cork
Jacket a light metal chamber which
floats high, a spout leading from It
rising two or three feet above the
water level. A tube leads from this
chamber to a face mask, through which
the wearer of the Jacket breathes.
Even If the water sweeps over his
head the spout of the air chamber Is
still clear and the air supply unim
Most Eminent Medical
Authorities Endorse It.
Dr. Eberle and Dr. Braithwaite a!
well as Dr. Simon all distinguished
authors agree that whatever may ba
the disease, the urine seldom fails la
furnishing us with a clue to the princi
ples upon which it is to be treated,
anu accurate jtnowujug uuiiuonuup iuo
nature of disease can thus be obtained.
If backache, scalding urine or frequent
urination bother or distress you, or il
urio acid in the blood has caused rheu
matism, gout or sciatica or you suspect
kidney or bladder trouble just write Dr.
Pierce at the Surgical Institute, Buffalo,
N.Y.; send a sample of urine and de
scribe symptoms. You will receive free
medical advice after Dr.Pierce's chemist
bas examined the urine .this will ba
carefully done without charge, and you
will be under no obligation. Dr. Pierca
during many years of experimentation
bas discovered a new remedy which ha
finds is thirty-seven times more power
ful than lithia In removing uric acid
from the system. II you are suffering
from backache or the pains of rheuma
tism, go to your best druggiBt and ask
for a 60-cent box of "Anurie" put up
by Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription for Weak women and' Dr.
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery for
the blood have been favorably known
for the past forty years and more. They
are standard remedies to-day as well
as Doctor Pierce's Pleasant Pellets for
the liver and bowels. Yon can get a
sample of any one of these -remedies
by wilting Dr. Pierce.
Doctor Pierce's Pellets ara nneqnaled
n a Liver Pill. One tiny, Sugar-coated
Pellet a Dose. Cure Sick Headache,
Bilious Headache, Dizziness, Constipa
tion, Indigestion, Bilious Attacks, and
all derangements of the Liver, Stomach
BUTTERFAT GONE UP
If you r looking for Prompt Returns,
Good Prices and a Square Deal, malt
your next shipment of Cream to
The Home of the Satisfied Shipper"
"What's the matter with Flubdub?
He used to claim that our politicians
were the most unscrupulous In the
"He has been traveling abroad. I
think it was a great blow to his civlo
pride when he found they were not"
"The Woggses seem to have a high
opinion of themselves."
Yes. You see the same cook has
consented to remain in their employ
for three or four years. "So they feel
entitled to think that they are rather
nice people." Washington Star.
He Knew That
"What Is the chief mineral wealth
of the Alleghanies?"
'Yes, you do. What do you carry.
in a scuttle?"
'Suds, mum." Louisville Courier
Thread of Interest
"This cookbook ought to be popu
"There's a love story mixed in with
the recipes." Louisville Courier
Journal. Foolish Man.
"Can't say I like that new hat of
'Yet you liked it in the store."
'Well, it did look pretty when the
girl tried it on."
Then the trouble started. Louis
The man who drops his anchor In
the Slough of Despond never gets any
HOW MRS. BEAN I
MET THE CRISIS
Carried Safely Through Change
of Life by Lydia E. Pinkham'a
' Nashville, Tenn. "When I was going
through the Change of Life I bad a tu
mor as large as a
child's head. The
doctor said it was
three years coming
and gave me medi
cine for it until I
was called a w a v
from the dty for
some time. Of
course I could not
go to him then, so
, my sister-in-law told
.me that she thought
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound would cure it It helped both
the Change of Life and the tumor and
when I got home I did not need Oie doctor.
I took the Pinkham remedies until ths
tumor was gone, the doctor Bald, and I
have not felt it since. I teil every one
how I was cured. If this letter will
help others you are welcome to use it"
Mrs. E. H . Bean, 525 Joseph Avenue,'
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, a purs remedy containing ths
extractive properties of good old fash
ioned roots and herbs, meets the needs
of woman s system at this critical period
of her life. Try it '
If there) Is any symptom In your
case which puzzles yon, write to
the Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine
Co, Lynn, Mass, " - -