THE RUMMAGE IE By HOPE AINSLIE. One of those woolen fascinators that women used to wear over tholr hair when they went out tn the evening, a set of bone dishes of the same date of usefulness, an umber of dilapidated umbrellas, band-boxes full of old hats and pieces of hats, saucers without any cups and cups without any sau cers, and a motley collection of out-of-date men's and women's clothing such was the array of articles that Molly Borgen found In the living room one cool morning In November when she returned from bar usual trip to the village. "Whatever on earth" she began, pulling off her gloves and slipping out of her Bport coat. Her mother anticipated her ques tion. "Those are for the rummage sale for the benefit of the old people's home." Mrs. Bergen was sitting at her desk laboriously rubbing the names off from Christmas and Easter and other seasonal cards. "I'm gut ting these cards ready, too. I've saved them ever since before you were born. There are many hundreds of them and most of them I can use. We can sell them for five for a cent. Some one will want to buy them." Molly drew her chair to the open fireplace and stretched out her hands to the blaze. "Have you heard the news, mother?" she asked by way of announcing that there was news to tell. "The Stanleys' house Is opened again. Yes, It Is Tom Stanley. I think, though I know you don't agree with me when 1 say that he is quite the best looking man that I ever saw. I know what you are going to say. You're going to say that It isn't be coming for a young, eligible girl to make complimentary remarks like that about men you weren't going to say It Just that way, but that would have been the gist of It. But really you mustn't mind. All girls are quite frank about those things nowadays." "I wasn't going to say that at all," assured the mother. "I'm sure Mr. Stanley Is very handsome, but don't Imagine for a minute that the heir to that large fortune is going to be one little bit interested in a little country mouse like you." "I'm not a country mouse at all. Haven't I been away to boarding school? Anyway, I've met that Stan ley man and he's fine. His cousin was at boarding school not that he cared at all for her. She was engaged at the time. He dropped around to see her once or twice. I mot him. But what were you going to say?" "Simply that your remark gave me an Idea that I might telephone there for a bundle of rummage. I am sure they have plenty of old things that they don't want that would sell very easily." "No one is there but old Tom and the man who drives his car. Old man hates the country. Son adores it. He's making the old house a head quarters for a hunting trip. Just gets In the village on the eleven-seven and starts out bunting again this after noon. That's what the village gossips ay." Before Molly had finished, Mrs. Ber gen had picked up her desk phone to get Into communication with the Stan ley house. Her voice was Bweetness personified when she spoke. "Mr. Stanley, excuse me for phon ing the minute you arrived, but we are giving a rummage sale, beginning this afternoon, for the benefit" and so she went on with her honeyed wordB of explanation. As a matter of fact, the telephone bell had been ringing wbon Stanley arrived at the house. Tom had dropped the armful of paraphernalia that he had with him on the front porch to hurry In to answer the call. There was a chance that it was impor tant business news from New York, Meantime his one-time chauffeur, who was active as chief cook and bottle washer and boon companion on the proposed hunting trip, had stopped at the village for provisions ana Tom naa dismissed the station taxi. "I'm sure I can dig up something. Old books we have lots of," Tom said over the phone. "And I have a trunk full of old clothes somewhere. I'll get my man to hunt them up. Noth lng very wonderful, of course, for we have to wear our clothes till they are worn out, but perhaps they will be salable for a few cents. I really wouldn't dare to give you anything from around the houBe, though I am quite sure there are loads of useless things, but when fay Bister comes out next time she might discover that 1 had given away all the family heir looms. I'll send my man over with the bundle." "Please don't bother," Mrs. Stanley replied. "I shall be delighted to stop, You may be away on your trip. In that case, leave the bundle on the front veranda. My daughter will run down In the car. My daughter Bays she has met you. No, Indeed, I should really rather have her stop for them." Tom Stanley experienced a decided' ly agreeable turn of memory at the name of Mrs. Stanley's daughter. Yes she was the decidedly pretty, viva clous brunette he bad met at his cou sin's boarding school. She had told him that her home was near one of bis many homes. He had promised himself the pleasure of bunting her up some time. In fact, he had made two trips to the country with a half idea of finding an excuse to meet her again, But Tom was anything but a ladles' man, and hs had moroly loafed around the rambling old house for a day or so reading beside the open fire that his man kept burning cheerfully tor him. Today he had Intended to 'start out after luncheon. He decided to wait till the girl had called. While his roan prepared the simple luncheon he rum maged around the attlo for the prom lsed books and clothes. He got them ready In a large basket that be thought could be easily put Into the ear. It was three when Molly called. Tom bad not gone out. "Even It Mr. Stanley should still be In," her mother bad warned her, "just pick up the bun gle tram the veranda and come away, You know how people would talk If they saw you going Into his house." An hour later, Stanley, having missed the sound of Molly's light foot steps on the veranda and giving up ope of seeing her, started off for bis trip to the hunting club. On the ver anda, ho looked for the bundle be had loft thore hurriedly when he en tored the house In the morning. It contained a new fur motor coat, mink lined; two Bloeplng rugs, hunting boots, oilskins, half a dozen new books fresh from the printers, and two new steamer rugs In short, his entln out fit outside of provisions and arms, lie thought perhaps be had left them In the station taxi, but a trip of his man to the station and his own recollection of having lifted the bundle from the taxi convinced him this was not the case. Perhaps his man naa taiien me things IndoorB for safekeeping; but on Inquiry and patient searching be found this was not so. After passing a half hour in doubt, he suddenly recalled that something had been said about Molly Bergen tak ing a package left on the veranda. That cleared the matter. He would telephone to the Borgons at once. Of course they would have seen the mis take. It would be easy to explain. But no one was home but the cook. "Sure 'nuff Miss Dorgen and Miss Molly done gone to the scrubbage sale. YasBar, been gone all afternoon. No, sir, there's no telephone thore. It's at the old hay born on the Smith place and the Smith place done burnea down, so there's no telephone there, either." It was nearly five and Tom was Just gotling ready to start out In person to the "hay barn" of the Smith farm, wherever that might be, when the phone rang at his side. It was Mrs. Ucrgen'B sweetest voice. I Just took a chance at finding you home. I thought maybe it would be cold for you to start out this after- noon. I must thank you. Such beau tiful things I never saw. Why, It was only about ten minutes before they were all sold. And such high prices, too! We actually got twenty Collars for that coat" Tom had paid eighty for It a week before "and the books my daughter was glad to buy. One would hardly know they had been read" As a matter of fact the leaves had not even been cut. "And the rugs and the blankets and everything were simply splendid. I can never thank you enough for being so interested In our old people's home. They really mado my little offerings look quite shabby. I had managed to get to gether some Interesting antiques my solf that sold pretty well, but not so well as your things. And, Mr. Stanley, If you would care to we should be de lighted to have you come to call. You are all alone. Perhaps you would share our simple family dinner with us. I'll send down the car for you at once, no, l promise i won i nave o thing done for you except to have an extra place laid. And I'll tell you that our waitress has gone and we have only a cook, so you know how simply we shall dine." She dldn t add that there had never been a waitress In the Bergen household and probably never would be. No sooner had she put down the telephone receiver than she rushed to the kitchen, her excited daughter who had been listening to the conversation following her. "Olive, for pity sake," she said, addressing the cook, "open a large can of bouillon and some olives. And If you have time make the butter Into balls and get out that bottle of port that the grocer sent by accident with the last order. And, Molly, hurry and got out the best china, and lay an extra place at the table, and got down the candlesticks and and when your father comes In whisper to him that he Is to make no comments. Tell him not to put his foot In It the way he did the last time we used the candles by asking If the electricity had been turned off. And, Olive, be sure to wear that cap I bought you the time the minister dined with us. Molly, you'll have to take the car around for Mr. Stanley. You might make some remark about the chauffeur being 111 or his day off or something If you think It would look better. Slip Into your little blue mull before you go. I'll wear my black moire. Really, those Stanleys must have a great deal of money to be able to discard such Derfectly splendid things. And he seemed so dollghted when 1 told him that they had sold well. I am sure he has a very kind heart. Molly, he is really Interested In you already, for he seemed fairly to Jump at the Invi tation to dinner. I wonder why he didn't go hunting. It wasn't really so very cold." (Copyright, MIS, by McClura Newspa per oynuicuie.j Open Up New Caledonia. Mineral smelting works lave now been established In the colony ot Now Caledonia, according to a recent conrular report. A very considerable capital has been embarked In these and similar enterprises tnd In future the mineral riches of New Caledonia will be devoloped In a regular and methodical fasL.on, which will safe guard the colony tgalnst the recur rence of those economic crises which she has had tc face periodically In the paBt. Openings lor trade present themselves in respect to a number of articles, which have hitherto reached the colony from German sources. On the Street Car. "You can't smoke In here, sir,' eald the conductor. "I'm not smoking." "Your cigar is." "Well, don't blame me. It's a strong cigar and does as It pleases." "See here, elthor you or the cigar will have to be put out." Aftor thinking over this ultimatum for a moment, the passenger rubbed the end ot the cigar on bis shoe and put It out If. "The new minister called upon the factory superintendent today." "How'd he come outT" "Boiling. The busy superintendent thought he was a man looking for a Job and told him that he would give him a job In spite ot bis looks. It he could furnish first-class references and give a bond." JKrs.EA. WAIAlLJ PETER PAN. ' ; Peter Pan was a little black kitten, And he lived with his mother, at Farmer Jones' farm. Peter ran all over the house; no room was too sacred for him to enter, and he even slept on the bid In the spare room when the fancy took him to do so. He chased the chickens and the little ducklings, and, although he had never harmed them, he bad frightened them very much, and mode their mother very angry. "That Peter Pan Is a spoiled kitten," said Mother Hen to Mother Duck, "and he needs to be punished, but his mother will never do It, and we will never get a chance, bo I suppose we will have to put up with his pranks." But fate delivered Peter Pan Into Mother Duck's power In an unexpected way not long after the conversation between Mother Duck and Mother Hen. Peter Pan saw the ducklings wan dering about the yard one day not far from the pond, so , ho slyly crept toward them, hiding In the bushes until he was right beside them. Then he sprang out, and the poor, fright ened ducklings waddled to the pond as fast as their legs would carry them. A piece of board lay partly on tho His Eyes Staring With Fright. sank and partly In the water, and one of the ducklings waddled on it before he plunged Into the pond. Peter Pan ventured too far this time, and when he stepped on the board it slipped from the bank and Peter Pan went with it. He was so little that It kept afloat, and there he was sailing from land, his eyes staring with fright and his loud meows could be heard over the barnyard. Mrs. Tabby came running down to the pond, and when she saw her Peter Pan sailing away she almost fainted. "Save him I Save him!" Bhe cried, running around the yard. But there was no one to save him. The hens and the rooster ran to the edge of the pond and looked, but they could not swim, and Mother Duck was on the pond with her children. When the ducklings saw Peter Pan they were frightened at first, for they thought he was chasing them even on the pond, whore they had always been Bate, but in a minute they saw that Peter Pan was the frightened one this time, and they gathered around him. "Hello, Peter Pan!" they said. "How do you like our pond? You are not sailing very fast, so we will help you." and they gave the board a push with their bills, making Peter Pan sway and nearly lose his balance. "Go awayl Go away!" he called to them. But they only quacked and quacked to see him frightened, and gave the board another push. This time he lost his balance and hls hlnd legs went Into the water. Peter Pan meowed loudly for help, and his mother on shore called to Mother Duck to keop her ducklings from bothering her Peter Pan. "Keep him out ot our pond," called back Mother Duck; "he should not get In their way it he does not want to be bothered." "But he can't get out of the pond," said Mrs. Tabby. "Do help him; he will be drowned If someone does not help him." But Mother Duck was not ready to help him yet; she Intended that Peter Pan should have a lesson he would not soon forget. So she went to the side of the board and flapped her wings, making small waves in the pond, which sent Peter's treacherous little craft Balling out Into the middle of the pond with Peter meowing as loud as he could. Mother Duck sailed after him, fol lowed by her little ones, and after lot ting Peter got a few more flights from the tipping of tho board, Mother Duck said to him: "If I take you back to the barnyard, will you promise never to bother my children again, or Mother Hen's brood, either?" "Oh, yes," meowed Peter Pan, very meekly. "If you will only take me hack to my mother 1 will never chase any of the chickens or ducks again." "Very well," said Mother Duck, "then I will take you home, but If you ever bother my chtldren again I will take you out here and let you stay. Now hop on my back and I will swim ashore with you." "There is your Peter Pan," said Mother Duck when she reached shore. "I think we have given him a lesson he will remember for a long time, and I advise you, Mrs. Tabby, to see to It that he behaves In the future, or the next time he may not get back to land." Mrs. Tabby promised that he should never bother anyone again a she licked the water from Peter's coat, and she also thanked Mother Duck tor bringing him safe to land. Peter Pan did not roam about th barnyard much after that. He no longer frightened anyone, and be felt very much ashamed whon be remem bered bow frightened he bad been on the water and how little courage he bad displayed In the face of danger, which Is very often the case with those who bully others. WHAT HAPPENED IN FEBRUARY Month In Whloh Many Great Move ments Were Launched or Ended Rich In Birthdays of Men. Why the second month of the year, with Its short, gloomy days, should be the month In which so many great movements began or were brought to a successful close, Is more than I can toll, but bo it is. On the second day of this month, 1881, the great Chris tian Endeavor society, which now gir dles the world with blessings, had Its humble beginning. On the tenth day of February, 1878, the great Blue Rib bon Temperance movement began In London. On February 13, 1689, the declaration of the EngllBb Bill of Rights ended a civil atrugglo which had been going on for more than fifty years. February 24, 1881, saw the be ginning of a work in which we are all Interested, the Panama canal. On February 26, 1861, Victor Emmanuel was declared king, thus bringing all Italy under one crown, which had long been the dream of those who loved her best. I think I am safe In saying that all these movements were for the good of humanity. February is especially rich in the birthdays of great men; there are two a week, and several over. Of course you know the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lin coln, and Longfellow, almost our great est American poet. Thomas A. Edison, Charles Dickens, the English novelist, who toppled down prisons with his clever pen, and Montaigne, a great French essayist, were all born In Feb ruary. Among February's children are Melssonler, a great French paint er, George Peabody, the American phi lanthropist, and Sir Edward Coke, an English lawyer, who lived in Queen Elizabeth's time, and whom you might call the father of English law. Berta Hart Nance in Boy's World. STUDYING ART IN NEW YORK Village Boys and Girls With Nothing but Youth's Optimism Few Expectations Realized. Geniuses are popularly supposed to be more or less Independent of crea ture comforts, but few of the young persons who come from all over the United States every autumn to study art In New York are In the genius class. For the most part they are young men and women of average ability, seven-eighths of whom are bent on becoming self-supporting as soon as possible, and the majority of these have hearty appetites and good digestion whon they arrive. After three or four months of study in New York It sometimes happens that their digestion Is not so good, writes a cor respondent of Pittsburgh Dispatch. At one time students thought $5 a week quite a liberal Bum to spend for room and board, $4 being oftener the allowance. There are now plenty of young women students who come here prepared to spend no more than this a week, undeterred by the tales of soaring prices for rents and provi sions. Perhaps along with these tales they have read others of how easy It Is to prepare a nourishing bill of faro for 89 cents a week or something like that. At any rate with the optimism of youth and ignorance these young women arrive, determined to get along somehow, few having made any provi sions for accommodations before leav ing their native village or town. In perspective studio life in New York looks alluring, and young women ex pect to fit into a corner of some pic turesque studio at a nominal price as easily as It is done in novels dealing with European art circles. With few exceptions their expectations are not realized. FATHERS AND PIG-CLUB BOYS Remarkable Gain Made by Pig, Owned by Son in Comparison With That Raised by the Parent. At a Kentucky fair two purebred Duroc JerBey litter mates were shown. One belonged to a pig-club boy, the Small Pig Raised by Father, and Large One by Son. other to his father. Both purchased their pigs eight weeks old. Both started even. The records of the boy show his pig weighed 27 pounds at that time. Within the next four months she had gained 167 pounds at a cost ot five cents a pound; or one and two-fifths pounds dally gain on a ration of corn, flour, shorts, and buttermilk. The fa ther's pig, unrecorded, shifted for her self. At the fair the boy's sow weighed 194 pounds and was a prize winner; the father's weighed BOH pounds. Another father seelcted a pig from the same litter as did his two pig-club sons. His pig was put in a pen and fed corn. The two pig-club boys fol lowed Instructions and ted properly balanced rations and used pasture. At the fair the father's pig weighed a little over 60 pounds; the prle-wln- ning hogs of the boys averaged over 100 pounds each. The sons know H cost them 4Vi cents a pound to pro duce their hog; the father does not know what his hog cost Etch rt Affic1& TKW 3-S55S V -fa i M n ,u yaw IMC. ASPHALT LAKE. ANY people have heard of the pitch lake" of Trinidad, but very few have any Idea of what It Is like. Some home- keeping writers of an Imaginative bent Inspired, perhaps, by the sight of a caldron of boiling tar have pictured it as a seething inferno of heat and boiling vapor, a sort of miniature hades. As a matter of fact, it is noth ing of the kind, writes Victor Pitt Kethley In the Wide World. Though disappointing at first sight to people who have the crater of an active volcano In mind, yet the "pitch lake" is remarkable enough one of nature's wonders. Apparently well nigh bottomless, It is composed of solid asphalt, and the excavations made by day are mysteriously filled up at night, although the general level of the lake Is slowly sinking. The lake is situated near the town of Brighton, in the south of the island. Traveling south from Port of Spain, the capital, one reaches the little town of San Fernando, Inhabited chiefly by Indian coolies. Here a little steamer leaves dally for trips along the coast. The landlocked waters of the gulf are usually calm, and the green mountains of Venezuela are seen mlleB away In the blue haze. The steamer's course runs close to a shore bordered by man grove swamps, and after several hours Brighton is reached, where the steam er stops at the long pier of the New Trinidad Lake Asphalt company, Ltd. Here we go ashore, as the pier is the most convenient point from which to approach the lake. Brighton Is an active little town, quite cloBe to the lake, and we find ourselves at once In the midst of the asphalt Industry. There Is a little of fice at the shore end of the pier and overhead the cable Is Blnglng away merrily as It carries along great buck ets filled with asphalt. Dozens of neat buildings comprise the quarters where the company's employees live. Fresh paint and cleanliness are evi dent everywhere, and the bright West Indian sunlight gives the settlement a very pleasant appearance. The lake is a level plain about a hundred acres or so In extent, sur rounded by low bills, and dotted bere and there with bushes and trees. The surface Is not a shimmering black, as might be supposed, but a dull, gray ish blue color, Intersected with pools of shining water. Altogether It Is a very prosaic-looking place, giving no hint of its real Interest. Solid Enough to Walk On. One can walk where one pleases on the surface of the asphalt, without any fear of sinking in, for it is quite solid enough to bear one's weight. If you stand In one place for a little while It feels hot to the feet just like an as phalted street on a very hot day. Much of the time a fresh breeze blows, and one remembers with amusement the stories ot the Imaginative writers who talked about stifling heat and oppres sive atmosphere. These will all re turn to you, however, If you are unfor tunate enough to get into a place shel tered from the breeze and exposed to the sun, for at such points the ther mometer stands at 90 degrees or more during several hours of almost every day, which Is quite near enough to the temperature of an inferno for most people. The digging of the asphalt Is a sim ple operation. A mattock is the only tool required, and under its blows the pitch breaks readily. The negroes em ployed are very skilled in the work, and break out lumps a couple of feet across, far too heavy for an ordinary man to carry. Only a very small amount of the material gets broken into little pieces, so that scarcely any baskets are needed to carry the" as phalt to the cars. A laborer simply lifts one or two lumps, puts them on his head, walks a few yards, and drops BROTHER'S WORK ALL RIGHT Proof That There Is More Than One Way of Leading Man to Make a Proposal. Before his mirror Jack Maguggle carefully painted freckles on his hand Bome face, drew on a false wig and beard and hied him to the opera, where his ticket called for a seat In box A. In box B fiat a lovely young woman charmingly attired In a sen-sen-col-ored gown relieved by peanut bars. With her was a saturnine youth with an American ?ieauty rose In his but tonhole. Jack Maguggle stared at this young dream of beauty Intently. In fact, nev er once, even during the exquisitely sung "Slmpadoxus" aria, did he re move his eyes from that vision of love liness. And as he stared he made no attempt to hide his adoration. The escort of the gorgeous young woman scowled and attempted to catch Maguggle's eyes, but Maguggle's eyes, as aforesaid, were busy. After the opera Maguggle, waiting tn the Lake r'midad r m 'Mil imiwppp nin "i nn i i in v. ,;. niii mimiMiiiii-" -uj them Into the car. The crude asphalt, as broken out, Is somewhat brownish or earthy In color. It is usually quite wet, and filled with many holes, like bubbles, measuring up to an inch or more in diameter. The gang of barefooted workmen In one place may number thirty men, of whom half a dozen do the digging, They work on a space perhaps sixty feet long and forty feet wide, and In the course of a day they will dig down to a depth of three feet, or more tn some places. Go to that same spot next morning and you will find It a little rough but approximately level with the rest of the lake. The hole has been mysteriously filled up during the night, and In the course of a week all traces of the digging will be obllt erated. This does not mean necessarily that fresh asphalt has come Into the lake from underground sources. On the contrary, the excavations are filled by a very slow settling or leveling of the surface asphalt. There Is no such thing as "new" asphalt, by the way, for the transition from liquid petroleum to solid asphalt by nature's process In volves a period of time that must be calculated In centuries. The digging done in past years has caused the gen eral level of the lake to sink several feet, so that It Is not absolutely Inex haustible, as some people Imagine. It is believed that fresh asphalt very slowly pushes itself upward Into the lake from the subterranean depths, but how large a quantity Is thus added annually has not been calculated. Lake's Depth Not Known. Near the middle of the lake the ma terial Is less hard than elsewhere, and In a few places soft asphalt may be seen oozing up from below. This fresh asphalt is of about the consistency of putty, and can be kneaded and pulled in the hands without soiling them greatly. In the main, however, the lake is solid asphalt. No one knows the depth of this mys terious lake, the only information on the subject being the fact that long ago a boring was made to a depth of 135 feet without reaching the bottom. The "cores" of this and other borings show that in consistency the asphalt remains the same to a very consider able depth. Curious as it may seem, there are many evidences that the en tire mass comprising the lake is In constant but very slow motion. The surface is a series of great folds, and in the creases between these the rain water gathers. One writer has aptly compared the surface of the asphalt to the skin of a great elephant, the creases being the folds in his hide. Along the edges of the pools of water, grass, bushes and small trees take root, forming green "islands" of great er or less extent. Frank Avowal. "I wish to marry your daughter," said the straightforward young man "What do you wish me to do?" "Speak a good word for me." "My friend, I'd do anything in my power for you. But if you realized how little Influence I have with moth er and the girls, you'd realize that yow are playing mighty poor politics." Made Him Sore. Bacon I see musk In Its pure state Is so radio-active that, it held close to the body for a time. It will produce sores similar to those caused by radium. Egbert Come to think of It, I re member feeling 'sore' when the smell of musk has been too strong. To Be Handled With Care. "A little nonsense now and then " "I know," replied Senator Sorghum "But that fact doesn't justify Bpme of ua in taking It seriously and acting as if we were proud of it." foyer, slipped a note Into the fair one's hand. The escort saw and his face grew black, Maguggle arrived home before his sister, whose first words were: "Oh, Jack, thanks awfully! He proposed three times without stopping, coming home in the taxi. Wherever did you get that wig?" Detroit Free Press. One Eye Waiting. "Bobby, dear," said his mother, "you must go to bed; it's late." Bobby hopped Into bed. Later his mother said: "Bobby, why don't you close your other eye and sleep?" "Well, mother," said Bobby, "this eye Is sleeping," pointing to the closed eye, "but the one that's open Is waiting tor daddy to come home." Her Second Coming Out. The Blgglewumps are going to give a grand coming-out party for Maud on the 10th." "Mercy! I thought Maud came out three seasons ago." "She did; but the Blgglewumps have made a lot more money since then and they have changed their let" - Bostoi Transcript. JOKE ON A PRACTICAL JOKER Inoffensive Citizen Turned on Him, Hit Him Between the Eyes and Then Jumped on Him. The practical joker was sauntering along In the dusk. The lnollonsive citizen was sauntorlng along in me same dusk, unmindful of the presence of the practical Joker. The practical Joker, recognizing a friend In the In offensive citizen, chuckled to himself and quickened his steps to overtaae htm. The Inoffensive citizen was think ing of a story he bad read about foot pads, and wondering whether anyone would ever try to hold blm up. ine practical Joker suddenly tipped the Inoffensive citizen's hat over his eyes. The Inoffensive citizen wheeled ln Btantly and landed a line, large blow botween the practical Jokers eyes. The practical Joker went down. The inoffensive citizen promptly sat on blm and hit him again. The practical Joker yelled: "For heaven's sake don't hit me again, John. Don't you know me?" The Inoffensive citizen said, "Great Scott!" The practical Joker said, In an in jured tone: "Hang it all, John, it's only a joke." The Inoffensive citizen looked at the practical Joker, who now had one eye closed, and laughed. The practical jokor angrily asserted that It was no laughing matter. "But you said ft was a Joke," re turned the Inoffensive citizen, "and 1 think you are right." And he laughed again. But the prac tical Joker hasn't been able to see the point of It to this day. Still, it was unquestionably a good Joke. Deeply Moved. "Your lawyer made on eloquent plea In your defense. He evidently believed you Innocent." "No, be didn't," answered the de fondant. "But you must have said something to him that strongly Influenced him In your favor?" "So I did. 1 showed him my bank roll and said: 'Fifty-fifty if you get me out of this.' " A Happy Thought. "I heard you holding gay converse with the Janitor this morning." "Yes." " 'Tis seldom the great man un bends." "Quite true, but this morning I had occasion to borrow a corkscrew from him and I invited him up to my apart ment to see that highly useful device In operation." HIS REVENGE. "Yes; she quarreled with Tom and returned all his presents!" "And he hers?" "Every one of them. Why, he even went so far as to send her half a dozen boxes of face powder with a note explaining that since he first met her he must have taken that much home on his coat" Proof Positive. "It's a dollar to a doughnut that I don't get a tip from the Podunk couple at the last table," said the waiter. "How do you know they are from Podunk?" asked the cashier. "Because this Is the dinner hour, but they asked for the supper card; be sides you can see for yourself tbey are eating pie with their knives," ex plained the wise hash slinger. Keeping Up Appearances. "How about some hair tonic?" gested the barber. sug- "What for?" inquired Mr. Growcher. "So as to preserve your hair, of course." "Let It fall out I'm too old to be handsome, and my only hope of look ing Intellectual is to become bald headed." Not to Be Trusted. Grandmother Did you get a letter from your husband this morning? Young Wife No; I expected one, but tbe carrier tells me the mails have been very irregular this week. Grandmother This week fiddle sticks! They always have been that way; you can't trust one of 'em out of your sight Knowledge the Fount of Fervency. Slimson Now, Bobby, remember that when we sit down to dinner the bishop will say a blessing. Bobby Does he know what we're going to have? Slimson Certainly not. Bobby Better let me do It He won't put half the heart tn It that I will Worse Still. "Is there anything more pathetic than the low-browed husband of a high-browed wife?" "Oh, yes," answered the advocate of culture. "I can't imagine what it Is." "A husband and wife who are both low browed." Hit Opportunity. "Any man who keeps his back yard clean Is a good citizen." "But suppose he lives in an apart ment house and has no back yard." 'In tnat case ne can earn the gratl- uj9 f "'l br "erln. "