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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 14, 1916)
WmJBMM WOMAN Aufhor of 'GheAMM CRA05MAN. RAFFLES. Etc. 1U.USICATIONS by O. IRWIN MYERS copyright d ry'r tonpi -u;tit copah75 CHAPTER I. A Small World. Cazalet sat up so suddenly that hit htad hit the woodwork over the upper Berth. HU own roice still rang In his itartled ears. He wondered how much he had aald, and how far It could have carried above the throb of the llner'a crewe and the mighty pounding of the water against her platee. And then he remembered how he had been left behind at Naples, and rejoined the Kaiser Friti at Genoa, only to find that he no longer had a cabin to him self. A sniff assured Cazalet that he was neither alone at the moment nor yet the only one awake; he pulled back the swaying curtain, and there on the settee sat a man with a strong blue chin and the quizzical solemnity of an animated sphinx. It was his cabin companion, an American named Hilton Toye, and Cazalet addressed him with nervous familiarity. "I sayl Have I been talking In my sleep?" "Why, yes!" replied Hilton Toye, and broke Into a smile that made a human being of him. Cazalet forced a responsive grin. "What did I say?" he asked, with an amused curiosity at variance with his shaking hf.nd and shining forehead. Toye took him In from crown to fingertips, with something deep behind his kindly smile. "I Judge," said he, "ye were dreaming of some drama you've been seeing ashore, Mr. Caza let." "Dreaming!" said Cazalet, wiping hie face. "It was a nightmare! I must have turned in too soon after dinner. But I should like to know what I said." "I can tell you word for word. You said, 'Henry Craven dead!" and then ym said, 'Dead dead Henry Cra ven I' as If you'd got to have It both ways to make sure." It's true," said Cazalet, shuddering. "I saw him lying dead, In my dream." Hilton Toye took a gold watch from his waistcoat pocket. "Thirteen min utes to one In the morning," he said, "and now It's September eighteenth. Take a note of that, Mr. Cazalet. It may be another case of second sight for your psychical research society." "I don't care If It Is." Cazalet was smoking furiously. "Meaning It was no great friend you dreamed was dead?" "No friend at all, dead or alive I" 'I'm kind of wondering," said Toye, winding his watch slowly, "if he's by way of being a friend of mine. I know a Henry Craven over In Eng land. Lives along the river, down Kingston way, In a big house." "Called Uplands?" "Tea, slrl That's the man. Little world, isn't It?" The man In the upper berth had to hold on as his curtains swung clear; the man tilted back on the settee, all attention all the time, was more than ever an effective foil to him. With out the kindly smile that went as quickly as it came, Hilton Toye was somber, subtle and demure. Cazalet. on the other hand, was of sanguine complexion and Impetuous looks. He Was tanned a rich bronze about the middle of the face, but it broke off across his forehead like the coloring of a meerschaum pipe. Both men were in their early prime, and each stood roughly for his race and type; the traveled American who knows the world, and the elemental Britisher who has made some one loose end of It his own. "I thought of my Henry Craven," continued Toye, "as soon as ever you came out with yours. But It seemed a kind of ordinary name. I might have known It was the same if I'd recollect ed the name of his firm. Isn't it Cra ven & Cazalet, the stockbrokers, down in Tokenhouse Yard?" "That's it," said Cazalet bitterly. "But there have been none of us In It since my father died ten years ago." "But you're Henry Craven's old part ner's son?" "I'm his only son." "Then no wonder you dream about Henry Craven," cried Toye, "and no wonder it wouldn't break your heart if your dream came true." "It wouldn't," said Cazalet through his teeth. "He wasn't a white man to me or mint whatever you may have found him." "I had a little place near his one rummer. I know only what I heard down there." "What did you hear?" asked Caza let "I've been away ten years, ever since the crash that ruined everybody but the man at the bottom of the whole thing. It would be a kindness to tell me what you heard." "Well, I guess you've said It your self right now. That man seems to have beggared everybody all around except himself; that's how I make it out," said Hilton Toye, "He did worse," said Cazalet through his teeth. "He killed my poor father; he banished me to the wilds of Aus tralia; and he sent a better man than himself to prison for fourteen years!" Toye opened his dark eyes for once. MUCH PATIENCE IS REQUIRED Do Net Get Discouraged In Attempt ing to Revive Apparently Drowned Perten If Results Are Slow. Aay treatment of the apparently Irwwaed. to be thorough, mutt take late consideration, first, clearing the sseath and nostrils of phlegm and uui tecend, the expulsion of pol nwui gases from the lungs; third. t0 replacing of the expelled gases by ! oxygenated air; fourth, the stira- "Is that so? No. I never beard that," said he. "You hear It now. He did all that, Indirectly, and I didn't realize It at the time. I was too young, and the whole thing laid me out too flat; but I know it now, and I've known it long enough. It was worse than a crash. It was a scandal. That was what finished us off, all but Henry Craven! There'd been a glgantio swindle special In vestments recommended by the firm, bogus certificates and all the rest of it. We were all to blame, of course. My poor father ought never to have been a poet. Even I I was only a young ster In the office, but I ought to have known what was going on. But Henry Craven did know. He was In it up to the neck, though a fellow called Bcru ton did the actual Job. Scruton got fourteen years and Craven 'got our old house on the river." "And feathered It pretty well!" said Toye, nodding. "Yes, I did hear that. And I can tell you they don't think any better of him, In the neighbor hood, for going to live right there. But how did he stop the other man's mouth, and how do you know?" "Never mind how I know," said Ca zalet. "Bcruton was a friend of mine, though an older man; he was good to me, though he was a wrong 'un himself. He paid for it paid for two that I can say! But he was engaged to Ethel Craven at the time, was go ing to be taken Into partnership on their marriage, and you can put two and two together for yourself." "Did she wait for him?" "About as long as you'd expect of the breed! She was her father's daugh ter. I wonder you didn't come across her and her husband!" "I didn't see so much of the Craven crowd," replied Hilton Toye. "I wasn't stuck on them either. Say, Cazalet, I wouldn't he that old man when Scru ton comes out, would yeu?" But Cazalet showed that he could hold his tongue when he liked, and his grim look was not so legible as some that had come and gone before. This ono stuck until Toye produced a big flask from his grip, and the talk shift ed to less painful ground. It was the last night in the Bay of Biscay, and Cazalet told how he had been In' It a fortnight on his way out by sailing vessel. He even told It with consider able humor, and hit oft sundry passen gers of ten years ago as though they had been aboard the German boat that night and Toye drew him out about the bush until the shadows passed for minutes from the red-brick face with the white-brick forehead. "I remember thinking I would dig for gold," said Cazalet. "That's all I knew about Australia. But you can have adventures of sorts If you go far enough up-country for 'em; it still pays to know how to use your fists out thep. I remember once at a bush shanty fthey dished up such fruity chops that I said I'd fight the cook if "I Say Have I Been Talking Jn My Sleep?" they'd send him up; and I'm blowed if it wasn't a fellow I'd been at school with and worshiped as no end of a swell at games! Potts his name was, old Venus Potts, the best looking chap iu the school among other things; and there he was, cooking carrion at twenty-five bob a week! Instead of fighting we Joined forces, got a burr cutting Job on a good station, then a better one over shearing, and after that I wormed my way in as book keeper, and my pal became one of the head overseers. Now we're our own bosses with a share in the show, and the owner comes up only once a year to see how things are looking." "I hope fie had a daughter," said Toye, "and that you're going to marry her, If you haven't yet?" Cazalet laughed, but the shadow bad returned. "No. I left that to my pal," he said. "He did that all right!" "Then I advise you to go and do likewise," rejoined his new friend with a geniality impossible to take amiss. "I shouldn't wonder, now, If there's some girl you left behlndyou." Cazalet shook his head. "None who would look on herself In that light," he Interrupted. It was all he said. ulating of the respiratory organs so that they may assume their regular functions; fifth, the restoring of 1U normal temperature to the body. Above all do not allow yourself to become discouraged If your efforts for resuscitation are not prompt In result, says Outing. One might cite dozens of cases reported by absolutely reliable medical Journals to prove that life does not become extinct nearly so soon as Is generally believed. Men and women, apparently drowned, dragged from the water after thirty or but once more Toye was regarding him as shrewdly as when the night was younger, and the littleness of the world had not yet made thorn confi dant and boon companion. Eight bells actually struck before tholr great talk ended and Cazalet swore that ho mlssod tho "watches aft, sir!" of the sailing-vessel ton years before. "Say!" exclaimed Hilton Toye, knit ting his brows over some nebulous rec ollection of bis own, "I seem to have heard of you and some of your yarns before. Didn't you spend nights In a log-hut" miles and miles from any hu man being?" It was as they were turning In at last, but the question spoiled a yawn for Cazalet, "Sometimes, at one of our out-stations," said he, looking puzzled. "I've seen your photograph," said Toye, regarding him with a more criti cal stare. "But It was with a beard, "I had It off wheu I was ashore the other day," said Cazalet. "I always meant to, before the end of the voy age." "I see. It was a Miss Macnalr showed me that photograph Miss Blanche Macnalr lives in a little house down there near your old home. I "8econd Sight! " He Ejaculated, at Though It Were the Night Before. Judge hers Is another old home that's been broken up since your day." "They've all got married," said Caza let. "Except Miss Blanche. You write to her some, Mr, Cazalet?" "Once a year regularly. It was a promise. We were kids together," he explained, as he climbed back into the upper berth. "Guess you were a lucky kid," said the voice below. "She's one in a thousand, Miss Blanche Macnalr!" CHAPTER II. Second Sight. Southampton Water was an orna mental lake dotted with fairy lamps. It was a midsummer night, lagging a whole season behind Its fellows. But already It was so late that the English passengers on the Kaiser Frits had abandoned all thought of catching the last train to London. They tramped the deck in their noisy, shining, shore-going boots; they manned the rail in lazy inarticulate appreciation of the nocturne In blue stippled with green and red and count less yellow lights. But Achilles In his tent was no more conspicuous absen tee than Cazalet In his cabin as the Kaiser Fritz steamed sedately up Southampton Water. He had finished packing; the state room floor was Impassable with the baggage that Cazalet had wanted on the five-weeks' voyage. There was scarcely room to sit down, but In what there was sat Cazalet like a soul In torment. All the vultures of the night before, of his dreadful dream, and oi the poignant reminiscences to which his dream had led, might have been gnawing at his vitals as he sat ther waiting to set foot once more in thi land from which a bitter blow had driven him. Yet the bitterness might have been allayed by the consciousness that he, at any rate, had turned it to account. It had been, Indeed, the making of him; thanks to that stern incentive, even some of the sweets of a deserved success were already his. But there was no hint of complacency in Caza let's clouded face and heavy attitude. His face was pale, even in that tor rid zone between the latitudes protect ed In the bush by beard and wide awake. And he Jumped to his feet as suddenly as the screw stopped for the first time. The same thing happened again and yet again, as often as ever the engines paused before the end. Cazalet would spring up and watch his stateroom door with clenched fists and haunted eyes. But It was some long time before the door flew open, and then slammed behind Hilton Toye. Toye was In a state of excitement even more abnormal than Cazalet'a nervous despondency, which Indeed It prevented him from observing. It was Instantaneously clear that Toye was astounded, thrilled, almost triumphant, but as yet Just drawing the line at that. A newspaper fluttered In his hand. "Seoond sight?" he ejaculated,' as though It were the night before and Cazalet still shaken by his dream. "I guess you've got It In full measure pressed down and running over, Mr. Cazalet!" (TO BE CONTINUED.) The Real Thing. It Is not numbers that count but im portance. forty minutes of submersion, have been saved. Again, operators have worked artificial respiration tor as long as four hours without a sign of recovery, and then seen their noble persistence rewarded by the revival of the patient Never despair, therefore. A human life Is at ttake. Don't give np until the last ray of hope Is lost Keep at It and you'll find that success will tun ally crown your efforts. The Schaefer or prone pressure method la now accepted the world ovei raj if THE kingdom of Serbia Is one of the smallest In Europe, and has been very slow In devel opment. Greater progress, however, has been made during the last ten years than for centuries be fore. The area of the country is 33, 891 square miles, the population boiug over four and a half millions, mostly professing the Greek orthodox faith. Tho Inhabitants are largely dovoted to agricultural pursuits and, as a conse quence, there are very numerous small farms In existence which belong to the farmers, and by the law of primo geniture descend from father to son. Although there are two large towns, Belgrade and NIsh, most of the popu lation is rural, nnd 85 per cent, at least, are engaged in agriculture; but It is of a primitive kind, as may be witnessed any day on the small farms referred to where th-3 wooden plow used in tho days of Xonophon may be seen In daily use. This primitive state of agriculture is largely due to the absence of any organization qr systematic agricultur al education. Modern methods have only been introduced In a tentative way during the last ton years, but there are no agricultural colleges yet In existence, although there are a number of model farms which are sub sidized by the state, and In which technical instruction in dairying, fruit farming, silk cultivation, wine growing and similar subjects Is given. Tobac co is produced to some extent, but is not very much exported, and in deed the total exports from the coun try are comparatively small, the larg est amount being sent to AuBtria-Hun-gary. The principal crop raised is maize, and very large quantities of this ce real are consumed In the country in ON THE ROAD FROM the manufacture of maize bread and many other preparations in which ground maize forms the basis. The flesh consumed 1b principally pork, although mutton, goat and beef enter to some extent into the daily dietary, more especially In the towns. Pork, however, in the fresh and in the cured state, is used everywhere, and every farmer, small or large, is a grower of pigs, the type preferred be ing the Mangallcza breed, which has the characteristic of producing deep layers of fat along the back, which Is cut Into long strips, slightly salted and used in the place of butter. So important is tho pork-curing industry considered in Serbia jthat the govern ment subsidizes the curing establish ments and in several ways gives con cessions to the curers of pig meat. The salt required In the business Is subject to a rebate of 50 per cent of its value, as It is used for industrial purposes, there being a state monop oly of salt In the country. Sheep Rank Next to Pigs. Some of the customs' in connection with agriculture are very Interesting, among them being the universal co-operation of the farmers la annually sending their sheep to the hills. The sheep industry ranks text to that of pigs, and wool is produced in consid erable quantity. Serbian mutton is noted also in eastern countries, and before the war was much In demand in Constantinople. But the principal use of the sheep is to produce milk, from which a great variety of cheeses is made. The farm ers who are the ownerB of the sheep unite together to employ one or more shepherds, who take charge of their flocks and milk them while they are on the hills. The shepherds are also responsible for making the cheese out of the milk, and pay themselves for their trouble by taking a certain per centage of the produce, the remainder being divided among the farmers, ac- Drill Amenities. Mayor John Purroy Mitchel said at a dinner in New York: "The memories of camp life are a very pleasant thing to any soldier. Even the little vivacities of camp life seem in the retrospect pleasant enough. "Thus I often laugh about a bank er who was being drilled dally one day at Plattsburg by a broker-sergeant. "'What'll you give me,' said the broker-sergeant, an old Yale end, 'if I take that hump off your back?' "Til give you,' the banker an swered with a tart laugh, 'something to make your hair grow, Barge.' " Plrot Famous for Carpets. Pirot Is the center of an important Serbian Industry. Plrot carpets, blue and red, are to be found in every Ser bian home, and have gained fame be yond the jlalkans. They nearly all are made in private houses, entirely by hand, often without even a shuttle, the workers using no patterns, but ar tistic Instinct producing harmonious results. The art has been acquired, no doubt, from the TurU, who learned It u ss 'w. ja n cording to the number of sheep they possess. The cheese produced Is somewhat bitter in tasto and not unlike ewe milk choese, which at one time was produced so largely in the south of Scotland. - The national customs of rural Ser bia are very quaint. The marriage ceremonies, for example, are of the most elaborate character; the bride It solectod by the parents of the bride groom, and this is looked upon at be ing quite in the natural order of hu man affairs; but all the ceremonies in connection with marriage are of the most elaborate and, for that matter, costly character. Christmas ceremonies also are very elaborate and are reminiscent of Pa gan rites. One of the customs It to cut down a tree in the foreBt, and In falling It must lie to the east In every household such a tree it cut Into three portions, and is looked upon as boing sacred and not to be touched, There is much throwing of wheat, which has a certain symbolic signifi cance, and the log is then placed on the Are, whllo, at the same time, the Inevitable pig is roasted for a feast The ceremonies continue during Christmas day, which Is given up to feasting, mingled with religious ex hortations, and only ccme to an end when the night Is far advanced. People Are Superstitious. As a nation the Serbians are ex tremely superstitious, and this fea ture runs through the whole of their national customs, whether it Is In the laying out of a house or in the prepa ration for death; but the Serbian farmer does not fear death, as he usually prepares tho boards for his own coffin and keeps thorn In readi ness in bis house. f J" U5K1JB TO KU3TENDIL In the country villages It is the cus tom to give a kind of feast five times in the year for the souIb of departed heads of households, and food and drink, including wine, are placed on the graves and afterwards given to the poor. It is a high holiday for the beggars, and they are not slow to take advantage of the occasion. In the country districts there Is very little use for money, as the farms, be ing small, are utilized for the produc tion of food for the winter, and this consisting as it does, largely of wine, brandy produced from plums, sauer kraut, potatoes, onions and the pods of capsicum, known in Serbia as "pap rika," there is little need to sell the produce in order to buy other com modities. All these and others are stored in the cellars, but in the kitch ens of the one-storied houses, which are the general rule, bacon, haras and salted meat are hung up to dry and to mature. Although the houses in the country are not very large, there is still provi sion made for the guest, who may be a perfect stranger but who is welcome to the hospitality which Is a tradition with Serbians in the same way as it used to exist in the Scottish High lands. The industries of Serbia are small, as compared with agriculture, and this unfortunately Is the result of a settled policy, which until recent yearB was enforced by the governing classes. When Serbia comes to her own again after the present war, much In the national life will be changed; the old order of things will have passed away and the development of other Industries besides those associ ated with agriculture Is certain to take place. South Africa's Demand for Films. South Africa imports 60,000 feet of moving picture films weekly. Toronto Street Railwaymen union has 141 members fighting at the front. from the Persians, but Plrot carpets have qualities all their own. Coiort and materials are so strong that it It almost Impossible to wear them out Sick? Nonsense! , The ocean liner was rolling like a chip, but as usual in such Instances one passenger was aggressively, dis gustingly healthy. "Sick, eh?" he re marked to a pale-green person who was leaning on tho rail. The pale-green person regarded the healthy one with all the scorn he could muster. "Sick nothing!" he snorted weakly. "I'm Just hanging over the front of the boat to see bow the captain cranks it!" Ready for the Day. Little Elsie entered the parlor on morning and ber quick eye discovered that the slip coverings had been re moved from tho furniture. "Look, mamma!" she exclaimed. "Someont has taken tho nighties off the chairs." Neglect Their Opportunity. The leason some speakers art not humorous more frequently Is that they neglect to try to lu n.riuua. IMPORTANCE OF GOOD HUMOR Business Man Ttllt Why It It Ntoei tary to Have Men of Friendly Spirit. "If my bookkeeper; It a man of tour disposition," told a business man, "I don't mind It to much. He comet In contact with the office force only, and If he It a good bookkeeper we can get along with hit sourness; but of course it It Important to have men of good humor at all points where they com In contact with the public I don't mean Joky, foolish men, but men of natural good humor and the friendly spirit and courtesy that commonly goet with It "I regard It at of high Importance to have such men at the counters, where they deal with people coming in, regulars and strangers. People In stinctively Judge of an establishment by the first person they meet In It; if he is a man of courtesy they fetl Uke coming again; if he It cool and Indifferent to them they feel Ilka stay ing away. "We aim to have good humored men for shipping clerks. Such a man can expedite work a lot; hit spirit it con tagious, putt everybody In good hu mor; every truckman likes him, cot tons to him, and will move fatter and do more for him than he would for a sour, grumpy man. And It's to all around. "We can ttand a tour bookkeeper, If he't a good one; but at all points where they come In contact with peo ple outside we want men of good hu mor; human; and that's tho spirit In which wo try to do buslneso our selves." Makt Your Baok Yard Profitable. Today, In the United States, thou sands of people are making money from the back yards, asserts a writer In Opportunity. Some are making their entire liveli hoods frm a few hundred feet of ground, while In other Instances In comes are doubled and even trebled by the Judicious farming of small patches of ground as a side lino or odd-time Job. Investigation hat proved, In fact, that It It not only pos sible, but profitable, to conduct a small-lot farm and In hundreds ot In stances people In all section! of tht country are earning lncomet direct from the soil of their home acre. The reason so many people who have the opportunity to grow vegeta bles and other crops for their own use, as well at for tale, do not do so is duo, no doubt, to the fact that they tall to understand the real profits that can be derived from a small plot of ground. As a matter of fact more vegetables can be grown In the olty or suburban back yard than the average family can eat, with a good quantity to spare. Tht Frtnoh "Brulot" In many parti of my country, France, a "brulot" Is a tort of a fruit cake, sometimes a plum pudding, over which a plentiful quantity of rum or cognac la poured, then set afire, thus affording great Joy to those around the table, writet a correspondent ; The immediate result is the burning of the whiskers of those who have whiskers and get too near the dish, then the partaking of the cake, which leaves In the mouth a not altogether pleasant taste of cake, rum, sulphur from the abominable French matches used to light the thing, and a general sensation of having swallowed a burnt whisky bottle cork. ' I am aware that my description of a "brulot" Is far from being as poetical 'as that of the picture of a bowl made of an orange peel and flaming aesthet ically like the urn of the Vestals. It Is true, nevertheless. Something Missing. Rev. Mr. Johnslngham had depicted beautifully the wonders of the thither shore, Including the milk and honey rivers which nourish the blessed, but after service one ot the brothers sought him eagerly. "Reberend," he asked, "am milk and honey all dey hab over yondah?" "Yes, brotah." "No chicken?" "No, brothah." "Or pork chops V "No, brothah." "Possum and sweet 'taters neithah?" "No, brothah." "An' nary a watermlllyun?" "No, deah brothah." "Den, reberend, does you think the Lohd was calculatln' on de cullud man when he built dat plaoe?" To Be Pitied. In a good many instances, says the Joplln (Mo.) Olobe, the winners of tho first prizes are to he pitied. For Instance, In the corn show over at Carthage the first prize is a $100 lov ing cup, while the lesser prizes In clude a 150 pig, a $35 tool case, two cultivators, a section ot wire fence and a $10 White Orpington rooster. "As between a rooster and the loving cup," concludes the Globe, "the average man in this com mercial age would grab the rooster with his eyes shut" Kansas City Times. ' Probably. Jones (Just introduced) I suppose you don't remember me, but I was ones a witness against your side In a eertaln trial and I remember that you cross examined me with the great est courtesy. The Lawyer It that so? Perhaps your testimony was not material. Puck. Mistaken Kindness. "I walked the floor for three hours with a sick child last night," said the faithful father. "Did it finally go to sleep?" "Yts, but not till my wife's mother took charge. ' She told me to quit walking the floor with the child that was what Irritated It" Persistent. "Will yeu marry me?" "No, a thousand times, no!" "Well, will you if I ask you a thou sand and ono times 7" Why Notf Knlckcr Think the stock xohangt should be regulated? Bocker Yes, It should b arranged tor stooks to go up when you buy and go down when you sulL LORD READING TELLS STORY Former English College Athlete la Reminded of Fact That Darda nelles Art Very Narrow. Lord Reading said at a luncheon In New York: "The allies' loan promises to bo as plethorio at my friend Heron-Plume, who recently enlisted. "Heron-Plume had bowled for Rug by and pulled stroke for Oxford In tho dear dead days beyond recall, but bo went out of training afterward, and when be appeared at the club In khaki a few months ago he certainly made an Imposing figure. Chest 84 Inches, you know, but a little low down. "'Where are you going to fight, Heron-Plume?' I asked, as my huge friend sank puffing Into a chair and unfastened a couple of buttons at tho er breast of his tunic. "'Dardanelles,' he answered. '"But, Heron-Plume,' said another man, 'don't you know the Dardanelles are frightfully narrow?'" No, Not Fallen Pedestrians. They were out in their Rattler car and had had several breakdown!. Aa hubby got out his repair kit for tho fifth time wife remarked: "Pity we didn't bring a iqutrret along." "What for a mascot?" "No," she replied; "it could run be hind and pick up the nuts." A Premonition. "I think I'll take out that life insur ance. It will come In very handy for my wife at this time." "Well, Insurance is a fine thing, but you're good for forty years yet" "I don't know. I have a foreboding that the agent Is going to talk me to death." Hit Only Preventive. Artist (to model he hat Just picked up in the street) A man I had up here the other day stole two pounds when my back was turned. Would you do a thing like that? Model Oh, no, sir, I haven't tho speed. London Punch. Vanished Value. "You can't get something for noth ing," said the ready-made philoso pher. "Somebody did," exclaimed Mr. Chuggins. "The automobile I bought day before yesterday wouldn't bring half Its price if I sold It today." They All Do It. Parker Old MInturn It continually reminding people that he Is a self made man, afflicted with a sort of re ligious mania. Harker What's the answer? Parker He's always praising hit maker. REFORMERS. "I have always said there should be no money in politics." "Yes; everybody knows ot your strong effort to get It all out" Creating "Atmosphere." "I Judge this is going to bo a prob lem play." "What makes you think so?" "During every pause in the dialogue the hero drinks a highball and lights a fresh cigarette." Well Paired. "You and Grump seem to get along pretty well." "Yes. You see, he never borrows anything but trouble, and that's all I ever have to lend." Wake Up. Vain Actor It Is the dream of my life to play Hamlet! Unsympathizing Friend Haven't they got any alarm clocks where yon live? Moral: Don't Get Found Out Dix I never knew a rogue yet who wasn't unhappy. Dix Of course not It's the rogue who are not known who are the happy ones. And Cajole tht Cream. She I believe in alwayt using gen. tie methods. He Always? Then I suppose lb stead 6t beating eggs yon coax 'em Into a froth what?