The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930, December 03, 1915, Image 2

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    WOMEN'S AND STORY PAGE
IMP Hll TO
Canned Salmon or Sardines Use
ful as Bait.
Expert Gives Soma Hints That May
Lead to the Capture of Thii De
light of the Southern Darky
Fur of Little Value.
It Is usually easier to take a couple
of good dogs into the country, espe
cially that country below the MSSon
and Dixon line, to secure opossums,
than It Is to bother trapping them.
Hut this does not mean that Mr. 'Pos
sum is difficult to lure Into a trap.
For bait, use canned salmon or sar
dines. It will bring every opossum
within smelling distance. Set the
traps near any thick woods, or in
shallow ditches. The best method for
water sets Is to stake a fish Just above
the surface of the water and surround
A Happy Darky, j
It with trapB. Some prefer to build
pens of brush with only one entrance
to each and place baits In them. The
entrances, of course, are guarded with
traps.
In weeds', place a bait upon a stick
about a foot and a half from the
ground. Under this place a trap, care
fully concealed. One can always rec
ognize the presence of the opossum
by the sharp claw-like marks It makes
In the mud.
Search about until you find a small
tree whose roots are above the ground
and come together In the shape of
a sharp angle. In the back part place
a fish. Arrange the pen of sticks
about the bait so that it cannot be
approached except from one direc
tion, and have the only entrance
guarded with traps. Leaves make an
excellent covering for sets of this
kind. Sets may also be made at the
entrances to dens. These, however,
must be placed with extreme care,
otherwise they will not prove success
ful. The opossum is known to the trade
as a "cheap fur." The reason is that
most of the pelts socured are not
prime. The skin, too, is of little value,
and it was not until lately that there
was much demand for It at all. After
a pelt is dried, one can toll whether
It is prime or not by examining it
closely. If black spots are found near
the throat, especially the hide is not
tlrst class. The larger the Bpots the
less the value.
Great Mushroom.
A mushroom wolghlug more than
thirty pounds and measuring three
and one-half feet in diameter, was
found In Beverly by Mrs. Alice Wool
of lloston, according to the Tran
script. It was like two great roses of
cream fawn color, waxy white and
full of Irregular holes on the under
bUIp. A ltttor of boughs and paste
board boxes had to be made, two men
carried it to the station and placed
it in a baggage car on a lloston-bound
train. It could not be taken into a
street car or a taxi, and Mrs. Wool
hired an automobile for Its trans
portation to Horticultural hall for the
Mycologlcal club exhibition. The
mombers tasted it and pronounced it
good. Four years ago at this time
Mrs. Wool found a smaller specimen
In the same spot on the North Bhore.
She has gone there every Benson
since, but failed to see anything
which looked like a polyporus. This
leads her to conclude that it takes
four seasons tor the spawn to form
plant growth and produce a flower.
Riches Found Through Dream.
Acting on Impressions received In
a dream, which was repeated tour
nights, always Indicating the location
of fabulous wealth, Andrew Nelson,
an old-time prospector of Anaconda.
Mont., struck a ledge rich in virgin
gold. The news of the strange And
created a stir in Anaconda, and a
- rush of prospectors to the cliff above
Flint creek started.
Religious Belief Causes Trouble.
Admiral Li of the Chinese navy Is
a Christian, and his firm adherence to
his principles has of lute months made
his olTUiul life unpleasant. He In
curred the displeasure of President
Yuan by refusing to obey the order
that all officials connected with the
boards of the army and navy should
go to the templo of the war god to
worship In the old Confucian manner,
Easily Explained.
' "Why did that young man look to
cross When Mrs. Smith told blm she
beard h had such killing ways?"
"She told blm that! Great Soot 1 1
Ea'l t doctor."
REFLECTED FROM THE LAND
Mirage Frequently Seen by Travelers
Through the Red River Valley
of Minnesota.
That phenomenon known as the mi
lage has always been of interest to
travelers. Sometimes even people on
the train can get a glimpse of such
an illusion. In the Red River valley
of Minnesota are occasionally to be
seen some of its effects. In a guide
book issued by the United States
Geological survey Warren Upham
says: "The mirage, typical of plains,
country or the ocean, may be seen In
the Red River valley almost any sun
shiny day in spring, summer or au
tumn. This queer phenomenon makes
the high land at the sides of the valley
and the tops of the distant trees and
houses appear to be raised a little
above the horizon, with a narrow strip
ot sky between. The more complex
and astonishing effect of mirage may
be seen from the highland on either
side of the lake-bed floor. There, in
looking across the valley from one and
one-half to two hours after sunrise on
a hot morning following a cool night,
the groves and houses, villages and
grain elevators loom up to two or
three times their true height and
places ordinarily hidden by the curva
ture of the earth are brought into
view. Oftentimes, too, these objects
are seen double, being repeated in an
Inverted Image close above their real
position and separated from It by a
foglike belt. In Its most perfect de
velopment the mirage shows the up
per and topsy-turvy portion of the
view quite as distinctly as the lower
and true portion. These appearances
are due to refraction and reflection
from layers ot air ot different densi
ty such as are often formed above a
wide expanse of level country In
warm Weather." i
FATHER TIME NEVER BLUFFED
Sooner or Later the Old Gentleman
Gets Even With Those Who
Practice Deception.
Once upon a time there was a lady
who wished to have her real age kept
a secret. In order to get away with it
she Instructed her son, in case anyone
asked how old he was, to knock off
about 60 per cent.
She told people the boy was large
for his age and explained the gruff
tones ot his voice by saying that his
tonsils needed attention.
One day the rector of th8 church
called, and while waiting In the draw
ing room for the lady to put the finish
ing touches to her make-up he talked
with the boy, who was pretending to
read "Little Lord Fauntleroy" for the
seventeenth time. The boy volunteered
the information that tomorrow would
be his birthday.
"Ah," said the rector, "and how old
will you be then?"
"Ten years old," replied the boy, as
per Instructions.
"Indeod!" sutd the rector. "I dnre
say you haven't any Idea what your
mother is going to give you for a
birthday gift."
"Oh, yes, I have," was the unex
pected answer, "She promised to give
me a safety razor."
When the rector rushed into the hall
to seo what had caused the loud crash
he had heard he found the boy's moth
er lying on the floor In a dead faint.
Moral: Old Father Time calls all
bluffs.
Tobacco Long Known.
It Is worthy of remurk that although
the common clay pipe of England is
entirely different In material and form
from our original American pipe, it
was used In nearly Its present shape
ut the first Introduction of tobacco, as
though beforo approved tor a similar
use.
Clay pipes, supposed to be of a date
anterior to this period, have occasion
ally been found In Irish bogs. An en
graving of a dudeen, which was dug up
at Brannorkstnwn, sticking between
the teeth ot a human Bkull, may be
found In the "Anthologia Hlbernlca,"
together with a paper which, on the
authority of Herodotus, Strabo and
other ancient writers, would prove
that the northern nations of Europe,
long before the discovery of America,
were acquainted with tobacco, or an
herb of similar properties, and that
they Bmokcd It through small tubes.
What He Didn't Understand.
The Buldler was telling the work
man about a battle that he had once
been in that had lasted from eight
o'clock In the morning until seven
o'clock at night. Ills description was
most graphic, and he became very en
thusiastic as he lived through the stir
ring scenes again.
"Thore's one thing I can't under
stand about the story, ' said the work
man, slowly, when he had finished.
"You say that tho battle began at
eight o'clock In the morning and last
ed until seven o'clock at night?"
"Yes, that's so,' was the reply.
"Then." retorted the workman with
a puzsled air, "what I can't make out
Is bow did you manage about your
ilnuor hour?"
Moun Has 930 Bed.
"Piute, a large, fat mouse which
, of the county clerk's office tor several
months past, the oilier day became a
fugitive from Justice when it was dis
covered that he had made his bed In
nearly $30 worth of revenue stamps.
ills bomemaking activities might have
been overlooked had he not decided
that bis bed would be softer it be first
gnawed the stamps Into fine blta ot
papar. 8attl Post Intelligencer.
, ,
I Sailors Upon the Sea of Summer Style
Venturing upon the becalmed sea of
summer fashions these three sailors
went sailing from the safe harbor of
the salons where such wonderful craft
are made. They are the "something
new," which we could hardly expect,
and the something beautiful, for which
we hoped. In headwear.
The wlde-brlmmed hat In black
mallnes overlaid with lace has a small
crown and is reported as a forerunner
of this particular type for fall. The
brim is flat as well as wide, and gives
the hat character, while the crown is
negligible Just a crown that fits the
head and nothing more. Lace and
folded bands of satin ribbon adorn it,
and at the front an odd half-wheel of
goura feathers seems exactly the right
ornament In the right place.
Just below, a white felt sailor, with
brim less wide and curving slightly
upward demonstrates the perennial
style of the French idea in sailors.
A bow of black velvet ribbon Is set be
low the back brim and, for decora
tion, transparent oak leaves of black
chiffon are laid flat to the brim and a
double row of round pearl beads Is set
against the crown.
A combination of black straw braid,
of the shiny sort, and heavy white
linen makes up the third of theBe
smart hats. Its brim Is the narrowest
ot the three and its crown the most
ambitious as to size and trimming.
Even at that, it Is simply trimmed
with a small pair ot outspread wings
In black, mounted flat against the
brim, and a row of crocheted balls
Coiffures That
Only one entirely new coiffuro has
attracted a widespread attention this
season, and that is the "Hobby," In
which the hair appears to be bobbed
oft at the sides, as children wear it.
Hut otbr pretty arrangements merit
the approval that has been accorded
them. Two becoming and neat-looking
coiffures are shown here, suited to
those women who like simple styles
and the well-groomed Jook that be
longs to carefully waved hair.
At the left is a coiffure which is
an Inspiration ot the "Bobby." The
hair Is parted at the middle and
waved. A little fringe across the fore
head Is curled slightly, and the part
made as inconspicuous as possible by
lifting the hair at each slue so that
It lies evenly but loosely on the head.
It is pulled forward In front ot the
ears and lies on the cheek in a wave.
It Is arranged In three Hat colls
across the back, and a fine hair net
preserves its neat appearance.
Hair nets should be drawn very
lightly over the coiffure and pinned
with invisible hairpins in many
places. They are not noticed when
put on In the right way, but usually
they flatten the hair by being drawn
too tightly over it.
At the right waved coiffure is
shown parted tt the side. The back
hair it arranged in a figure "8" and an
ornamented comb is thrust Into the
coll. The comb Is of tortoise shelll
'or an Imitation shell), act with small
ItcetioDea. -
y mm
set about the crown whoro the lines
and the braid are joined.
As to the success of these late com
ers among sailors there 1b no ques
tlon; fitness for midsummer wear il
written all over them and to each be
longs originality and beauty. '
JULIA BOTTOMLEY.
Organdie Over Silk.
Flowered organdies are back in fash
ion for summer frocks. Lovely ef
fects may be obtained by mounting
the flowered organdie over thin silk,
The silk need not necessarily match
the tint of the flowers; for Instance n
lavender flowered organdie is mounted
over pale pink pussy-willow silk; 8
rose flowered organdie is mounted
over faint lilac and so on. Black vel
vet ribbon Bashes are much fancied
with these pretty costumes, and the
Bharp note ot black seems to make
the soft colors of the organdie all the
softer and' more dainty.
Cape Clasps.
There are some decidedly tempting
cape clasps for sale this summer
things the Jewelers have provided in
response to the fashions for capes.
They are now used chiefly for eve
ning, a time when the cape or cape
like coat is much used. Sometime:
the clasp consists of a single big
stone dangling by a chain from a
small, dull metal clamp. Sometimes
the clasp Is much like the old-fashioned
belt buckle, or chased metal,
enamel, or metal set with atones,
Merit Approval
There are many varieties of fash-'
lonable combs and pins. They are
made In the tortoise-shell colors and
In semltransparent gray, amber, and
I black. There are a few in opaque
vhite. Desides rhinestones they are
to be had set with mock jewels in
amethyst, emerald and ruby colorings.
One of the most attractive decora
tions of all is the narrow velvet band
about the forehead called the "Castle"
band, which began its career as the
Cleopatra, but found its name changed
afterward to that of a modern ce
lebrity. JULIA BOTTOMLEY.
A Clear Skin.
Good health is the only lasting pre
scription for a good skin. Cosmetics
and lotions will do no good if the real
trouble Is lack of exercise or Indiscre
tion In eating. Indigestion is the cause
of ninny pimply skins and sluggish dis
poiitlons. Your stomach and its health
will reflect on your beauty.
Many girls lunch dally on a dish ot
Ice cream or some candy. A sallow,
muddy complexion is the inevitable
result. You should make every meal
as substantial at possible, and do not
eat between meals.
Women who form the habit of get
ting up late, then rushing off without
any breakfast, or none to speak of,
will toon show the results of this In
their facet. The midday meal need not
be heavy a talad. a pattle, a llg
detttrt, a (last of milk It enough.
DOGS NO MATCH FOR BUCK
Animal at Bay Proved Itself Master of
Pack That Had Been Put on
Its Track.
Animals of different species do not
often fight one another because they
cannot comprehend or guard against
an attack different from that used by
one ol their own kind.
The predatory beasts in many cases
overcome their preyl not because they
are very much stronger, but because
of the fear and confusion that their
strange method of attack rouses in
their quarry.
For example, a dog ot a fighting
breed charges like a lion, and nearly
every member of the deer tribe, in
cluding even the elk and moose, flies
from him in panic; but when one ot
these animals learns the real power of
the dog it is a different matter.
Hobart Ames kept a number of deer
in a park at his winter home in Ten
nessee, among them a buck with a
fine set of horns. The buck came to
have a great contempt and dislike for
dogs, and any unfortunate dog that
got into the deer inclosure did well to
escape with his life.
The buck had learned that no dog
could withstand the charge or the
thrust of his horns, and running from
them was the last thing he thought of.
On the other hand, the dogs were
greatly puzzled by an animal that
ought by all rules to run away, but
did not.
One night the big buck jumped out
of his yard, and Mr. Ames' foreman put
the dogs on the deer's track and found
him in a thicket a quarter of a mile
from the house. There was a fight,
and then the dogs were seen coming
home at top speed, followed by the
enraged buck.
His hair was turned the wrong way
and his eyes burned redly as he
charged every dog he could overtake.
Several of the hounds were badly hurt
and all ot them were scared.
They fled to their own quarters, and
it required the combined efforts of the
kennel men and stable boys to rescue
the pack. Probably if a single one of
the hounds had learned to fight a deer
at bay his example would have been
followed by his mates. Youth's Com
panion. MAN TAKES SECOND PLACE
Many Ways In Which He Is Inferior to
the Partner of His Joy
and 8orrows.
A man can't do two things at a time.
A woman will broil a steak and see
that the coffee does not boll over, and
watch that the cat does not steal the
remnant of the meat on the kitchen
table, and dress the youngest boy, and
set the table, and see to the toast, and
stir the oatmeal, and give the orders
to the butcher, and she can do it all
at once, and not half try.
Man has done wonders since he
came before the public. He has navi
gated the ocean, he has penetrated
the mysteries of the starry heavens,
be has harnessed the lightning, and
made it light the great cities of the
world.
But he can't find a reel of thread In
his wife's workbasket; he can't dis
cover her pocket in a dress banging in
the closet; he cannot hang out clothes
and get them on the line the right end
up. He cannot hold clothespegs In his
mouth while he is doing it, either. He
cannot be polite to somebody he hates,
He cannot sew on a button. In short,
be cannot do a hundred things that
women do almost instinctively.
His Children's Work.
He was certainly a very poor speci
men of humanity, and, so far as could
be Been, was certainly a fitting recip
ient of the pennies dropped into his
box by the charitable-minded. Day af
ter day he sat there, none knowing or
caring how he managed the journey to
and from his residence, In whatever
part ot the town that might be, with
out an accident. "What brought you
to this, my poor fellow?" Inquired a
lady of a rather more practical turn
of mind than many. "My children,
ma'am," replied the fellow, with a
pitiful groan. Dropping some colnB
Into the box, the lady passed on, with
a remark to her companion as to what
some children are responsible for. A
bystander, who overheard the remark,
asked him the ages ot his children.
The eldest is twelve, and there are
four others," replied the knave. "Then
you rascal, how could they bring you
to this?" "In a handcart, the same as
they take me away," was the self-satisfied
response.
Ready For It
He was traveling in the South and
bad to put up overnight at a second
rate hotel in western Georgia. He
taid to the clerk when he entered:
"Where shall I autograph?"
"Autograph f ' said the clerk.
"Yes, sign my name, you know."
"Oh. right here. '
As be was signing his name in the
register in came three roughly
clothed, unshorn fellow immediately
recosnlrable as Georgia "crackers."
Ono ot them advanced to the desk.
"Will you autograph?'' asked the
cterk, his face aglow with tho pleas
ure that comes from the conscious
ness of intellectual superiority.
"Certainly,' said the "cracker,'- his
face no lest radiant than that ot the
clerk; "mine's rye.' The Argonaut
Same Gam.
"A tak beauty doctor tt pursuing
tba tame line ot business at a gar
dener."
-What' thatr
"Oraittnt peach."
POISONED BY TATTOOING INK
Woman Freak Slowly Dying of Poison
Which Has Brought on Can
cerous Attack.
The lights are going out for Irene,
the world's most famous tattooed
woman. All the blare of music, all the
garishness and excitement of the cir
cus and the stage have given way to
the colorless interior of a room at the
Philadelphia hospital, where Irene is
slowly dying of cancer of the stomach.
A few years ago Irene made money
so rapidly that she never took time to
balance her accounts or to worry
about the future. She spent 20 years
of her career in Europe, appearing be
fore the crowned heads. She traveled
all the big circus routes of the United
States, drawing a fat salary.
Then the poison of the tattoo marks
she had worn all over her body from
the age ot eight years began to put in
its deadly work. Physicians say she
has cancer of the stomach in a stage
so advanced that an operation would
be futile. The only thing the woman
can do now is await death. She is
fifty-seven years old and rapidly weak
ening. According to her own story, her fa
ther was an artist. He tattooed her
from head to foot when she was a
child. She married when she was six
teen years old, and shortly after her
husband secured for her a circus en
gagement. The woman says her hus
band is now a prominent inventor,
with an office in Washington. She
and her friends say he has deserted
her.
For two years old friends of theatri
cal circuits have been supporting her.
She became too weak to travel with a
circus or appear on the stage. All the
half-million dollars she and her hus
band made in Europe and this country
has been spent. She says her husband
disposed ot most of the money.
Now Irene spends her time telling
absorbing tales of circus life to the
nurses in a voice that every day grows
a little weaker. As her strength ebbs
her memory seems to grow stronger.
Little incidents of the past stand out
vividly and lose nothing in her recital.
Ireno, still an actress, is making the
supreme effort of her career before
her last audience. Philadelphia Ledg
er. Cupid on Trial.
Two souls with but a single thought.
two hearts that beat in concert, were
united in the more or leBS holy bonds
of matrimony, according to the point
of view, says the New York Times.
The mlniBter who performed the cere
mony is pastor of the Church ot the
Social Revolution, and the couple were
of his flock. Not tor the contracting
parties nor for the minister the con
ventional ritual ot church and state;
not for them the old-fashioned notion
that marriage is a step that must be
taken with with no thought of turning
backward. The pair made responses
to a formula provided by the pastor
of the Social Revolution and frankly
declare they will consider their union
binding only so long as they "love
each other." Divorces are sometimes
justifiable, but it is not believed that
this aspiring couple or their pastor
have improved upon the liberal and
usually wholesome laws of a majority
if the states.
Plenty of Room Outside.
He made the acquaintance of the
young woman at the home of a friend
and waB severely smitten.
"May I call on you?" he found the
courage to ask her.
The girl looked troubled.
"I I'm afraid, not," she replied.
Then she noticed his look of deep
disappointment and hastily added
"We live in a flat, you see, and
mamma and sister always sit in the
parlor, and papa and the boys play
checkers in the dining room, and the
kitchen Is so awfully small and hot.
Would would you mind sitting on the
fire escape?"
Of course he hurriedly told her he
wouldn't mind it at all, and the course
of true love ran smooth again. Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
Love for an Hour
What is it that makes people so
much better company at a masquer
ade than under any other circum
stance?
In the circle of the black mask and
the domino we have no name, no pi
no future, no self to live up to or down
to, and the mood that Is uppermost
need never Impose Itself upon a later
mood. 1
We can he spontaneous and genuine.
No wonder we are good company!
For on the whole our spontaneous
impulses are kindly and gay.
We are almost ready to love our
fellow men for an hour, If we are not
thereby committing ourselves to lov
ing them for a lifetime.
A Shortage of Eclipse.
This year has been a famine so far
as eclipse phenomena are concerned,
Usually there are four eclipses each
year, two of the sun and two of the
moon; but both bodies have managed
to avoid total obscuration this year,
and though there have been two an
nular solar eclipses, confined mainly
to the Pacific ocean, not once has the
moon encountered the obscuring
shadow ot the earth.
Regular Bonanza.
Howells Did they ever succeed
extracting gold from the ocean?
Growellt Not in paying quantities
let salt water la rich in gold.
Howells Why do you think to?
Growellt Because women'! tean
have extracted millions from th
poalte lex.
op
ON UNCHARTED RIVER
VESSELS' CAPTAINS HAVE TO
TRUST A LOT TO LUCK,
Navigation on the Skeena, In North
western Canada, by No Means a
Matter of Skill Man Tell
of Experience.
The frontier is the place for make
shifts and stop-gapa. Something that
will serve must be made to do. Thus
when you take a steamboat on the
Skeena river in northwestern Canada
you must expect neither the comfort
nor the safety you take for granted
on the Hudson. The author of "The
New Garden of Canada" writes:
The bronzed captain standing on
the bridge nodded his head significant
ly at the waterway boiling and rushing
at out feet.
"We don't navigate this river; we
Juggle our way down it!" he said.
"And if you don t do the trick neat
ly, what then?"
'Oh, we Just go to the bottom, that a
all. We manage as a rule to plump
her nose into the bank and give the
passengers a chance to get off."
What happens if you lose the
boat?"
"They give us another In . double-
quick time. We have no board of trade
inquiries out here, what s the use?
No one has a chart of the river; it
never runs two days alike; captains
are few and far between. If you
lose the boat, It's just bard luck.
That's all there is to it."
Such is the Skeena river steamship
captain's happy-go-lucky philosophy.
It is typical of those who have to
steer their way up and down this
fiercely moving channel of water.
These men have to learn from experi
ence where the innumerable dangers
lurk unseen, and knowledge ot the
position ot a great many rocks has
been gained in the Irish pilot's man
ner, by scraping the boat's hull over
them, generally with no benefit to the
boat! Numberless boats have gone
down. . Why, in one year the whole
traffic between Hazelton and the coast
was tied up, just because every vessel
had hit hard luck, and was either a
rusting, shattered hulk at the bottom
or lying a wreck on the bank. The
Indian canoe was for months the only
available vehicle ot transportation.
We soon came to close grips with
the toe. We had cast off the last
rope, and the speeding waters picked
up our little vessel and burried her -along
viciously. On each side the
river bubbled and frothed, with
fringes of combing foam indicating the,
presence of sharp rocks just below
the surface ready to give a savage
snap at the boat If she ventured too
close. The captain's telegraph rang
continuously; the engineer never '
left his station for an instant.
Clang followed so hard after clang
that it was Btrange that the engineer
could Interpret the Instructions cor
rectly, and without hesitation.
In this upper stretch the worst
place is the "Hornets' Nest." Cer
tainly no band of yellow jackets was
ever readier to Btlng the Interloper
than are those Jagged rocks. The sur
face is merely an expanse of short.
choppy, milky waves tumbling and
toBsing In all directions. The steam
er passes through strange contortions
to steer clear of this, that, and some
thing else. It is a fortunate circum
stance for the passengers that the
boats are of shallow draft, for often
there Is only an inch or two between
a granite tooth and the bottom of the
boat, particularly late In the year.
when the water is low.
A few seasons ago one boat was
pulled warily up, hand over hand, by
means of the line, when there was a
jar and a scrape. Half the hull had
gone, and the captain Just managed to
get the cripple beached. Another
craft, lower down, heard. of her sis
ters fate and hurried to her assist
ance. But she had not gone far
when there was another greedy snap
and shiver. Her captain had to make
a quick turn for the bank. Both lay
on the mud within a few feet of each
other all the winter, showing their
gaping wounds, until the season broke
and a third vessel came up the
stream with a gang of repairers on
board. They strapped up the Injuries
temporarily, and towed the disabled
craft down to Prince Rupert, where
they were propped on the slips and
equipped with new hulls. Soon both
were wrestling with the river once
more, but a short time before our Jour
ney one of them got trapped again.
On the Skeena, hull patching Is one of
the busiest ot occupations. Youth's
Companion.
Deception In Self-Defente.
"Where can I buy a nice light
crutch?" asked the man who had
called the drug ttore salesman fur
tively aside.
"We can get you one. For whom
do you want it?" ,
"For myself."
"But you're not lame."
"No. But I'm going to carry a
crutch, just the same. It's a strata
gem. I don't want to seem disobe
dient to my women folks. But I'm
blessed It I'm going to learn any more
new dances this winter."
Saving Her Voice.
The Impresario Certainly, madam,
I can supply you with a second prima
donna to sing your children to t'eep.
But yon sing to perfectly yourself.
The Prima Donna Assoluta But my
tinging it worth $5,000 a night, and I
couldn't think ot squandering that
amount on th children. Houston
Chronicle,