Image provided by: Hood River County Library District; Hood River, OR
About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 15, 1915)
i nap i ig. '.. J '''' L M. WALKER, President eWk)aVvtv A POSITION FOR YOU Our graduates an always In d soon a you can prepare fur it I'OWKIt. Thnmnrn 8ZZ7 HKAHONH WHYYOI'"l'Oi;,PATTKNnHOI MKIl Klirht thousand two hun.lr-d twenty-Sevan satisllid students' have passed throuich HOIJ'KS during tha past twenty-eight years. Hundreds ul them ar now auccssful business mn with independent Incomes. Our graduatn atari at salaries ranrlnif Since 1M7. irvra wtivu a nwnin. wnu Holmes Business College "The School that nets you a good position." WuUailn il Tests, Partita!, Or. If Jim art thlnkinr of buying Pltno, vo-1 not fall In wrist, urn tar flATAIiMillfcH AM) 3 I'ttlCKtf. Wfl cli or Kujr Ttrm. Shcrman.ay&Co. PORTLAND, OREGON. "USE THE RIVER" Dalles-Columbia Line Put of WMh'ntrton, for Th Pallet dallr t. 6un.ly 11 p. m, Ltuve Dalles daily ex. Monday 12 M. Rtuamera J, N, Tial, Inland Kmpira unci Twin Cltira for Up per Columbia and Snake river pyinU. Taylor St. Dock. Tel. Main 613. Willutctti iod Utumbii River Towia U, Pertlut BUCK LOSSES SURELY PREVENTED by Cutttr'a Blaoklef Pllli. Low priced, froth, reliable ; prfffrrrtd by WtMtern stockmen Imcium thy ire- m m tMt wharf ether VawlnM falU I I- M Writ for bookJnt and tCHtlmoutilt. I . fVl m 10-dMe pkge. fllaekUi PMU $1 00 JlMm4J SO-doae ekf. Blaeklig Pllll 4.00 L'te any Intrwtor, hut Cutter'a baft T1;e lUDtrlority of Cutler product! li due to over K yean of tparlallKlnr In vaeelnei and strum. onl, I nil it on Cutter's. If unnMnlnahla, order direct T'.C GUTTER LABORATORY, Berkeley, Call Ural a. We pay cash Rrmlt at onea and deduct no commia- aion. Ship ua your veal. hoes, poultry. eggs, ate. LI1Y MAKKti, 107 Front St, Portland, Oregon Followed Instructions. "Gracious, man!" exclaimed the doc tor when Mr. Glubbins calls him in a hurry. "Your temperature is rioting along near tho danger point, and you " "f nd I'm worse oft than I ever was before, all through the diet you pre scribed." "Impossible, Mr. Glubbins. I told you distinctly to confine yourself to such food as would be taken by a 3-year-old child." "And didn't I obey orders? 1 ate apple cores, dog biscuits and ends of burnt matches and scraps of peeling and everything ehe I could pick up while no one was looking, and here I am pretty nearly lead!" Hastily reflecting upon the gastro nomical tendencies of the average 3-year-old child, the doctor tells Mr. Glubbins that he has been overdoing the diet and will have to subsist on soft toast and hot water for a week. A Reminder. Dobson What does Blifkin remind you of? Hobson Well, every time I meet Blifkin he reminds me of a little debt I've owed him for over a year. Chica go Herald. A Pertinent Question. The Fond Mother Nice girls never put themselves forward before the men, The Wise Daughter Then how do the men find out that they're nice? Judge. HERE ARE the FACTS Plates and bridges made In my own laboratory. Office absolutely clean. Instruments thoroughly ster ilized. Prices reasonable. Work guaranteed. Constant endeavor to do work painlessly. Nurse tn attendance, Elof T. Hedlund DENTIST Dr. 456-459 Morgan Building. 4th Floor, Waahlngton Near Broadway, Portland, Oregon. DENTAL HEADQUARTERS FOR OUT-Of-TOWN PEOPLE Teople from all parts of Oregon and Washing, ton constantly visit our office for dental treat ment Our skill is ac knowledged, and our promptness fn finish ing work In one day when required is appre ciated by out-of-town patrone. Dr. Wise Is a false tooth expert. There is "ALWAYS ONE BEST in every calling, and Dr. Wise lays claim to this distinction in Ore gon. 28 Vein' wimiri. What we can't guar antee we don't do. ' LOW PRICES FOR HIGH-GRADE WORE. Good Red Robber Plates, each 9M0 The Beat Red Robber Plates, each 7.50 22-Karat Gold or Porcelain Crown S.00 WISE DENTAL CO. RELIABLE PAINLESS DENTISTS. Phoaea-Maia 202J, A 202,. la'i Third S tract Falling Bldg., Portland. Oragon 8. E. Cor. Third Waahinandgtoa. C Gcc Wo Sneeessfnl Home Remedies His lucceMfu) herb al remedies cure ail kinds of ailments of men and women with out operation, used from the wonderful Chinese herbs, roots, buda and vegetables, which are unknown to the medical science of this country. Write for blank and circulars. Send stamp. CONSULTATION FREE. Address The C Gee Wo Chinese Medicine Co. 162 H First St. Portland, Ore, Mention Paper. P. N. U. No. 41. U1S WREN writing to ' Horn tfci. paper. JLA t JU I aVi -Ht'-ir k-n 1 IN SELECTING A SCHOOL Consider the Success or Failure of It Graduate! In ths World of Service. The Hehnlte-Walker Dual nM College Kad'ales Succc-lhe School Meeting Every Tcit of This Cliuractcr. Mora than 2100 ilehnke-Walkor students emukiyed by tho loading firm, of tha Northwest; 1M In banking positions ilunm an vorwi i( three calls par day tha year round. Why nut anroll In a ii'hwl approved by the sound Jud vment of our Uadlng bus'nvaj ArnuT A catalogue fur tho asking. PORTLAND, OREGON WHEN TRAINED mun i. There li a annA nmltlnn roulv for yoti Jnt POSITION, ilULMkS Training nwana MONKY, :or catalogue. Btart NOW Aeroplane, of Ruailin Mak. Sukhomllnoff saw that a weak point In tha Russian army was that too much of Iti equipment came from abroad a vulnerable situation tn war time, as the present shows. So he set himself busily building up arms factories, cartridge factories, and so oa within the boundaries of Russia, And at the same time established a central laboratory where new mechan isms, explosives, Inventions might be tried out He also organized and this gives us the measure of his foresight a first class school of military aviation, and set the best Russian mechanics at the development and manufacture of aero planes, which today take the place of cavalry as "the eyes of the army." The result Is that for the last four or fire years Russia has been making her own aeroplanes and training a large staff of officers able to use them. Bukhom llnoff also developed an effective corps of army automobiles, for the rapid transport of men and supplies. Amei 'can Review of Reviews. The Dutch at Whitby.' Whitby's last experience of naval warfare was rather curious. In June, 1536, two Dutch warships chased "a plckroon belonging to the king of Spain" Into the harbor, and though in neutral water, England being at peace vith both combatants, lowered their boats to board the Spanish vessel. The governor of the town, Sir Hugh Cholmley, protested, hut the Dutch carried out their design and captured the enemy's ship. Thus set at defi ance, Sir Hugh called up the trained bands, took boats, recaptured the Spanish ship and took prisoner one of the Dutch captains. Whitby's chief fame Is that from Its abbey emerged the first English singer, Caedmon. He was remarkable among his fellows for his Ignorance of such simple skill In the art of song as belonged to the monks of those days. Pall Mall Gazette. Another Edison Marvel. When the telephone was nothing more than an experimental toy in 1870, Mr. Edison predicted that this form of communication would not be perfect until combined with the phonograph, so that telephone messages would be recorded automatically. And now, for ty-five years later, when fifteen mil lions of conversations are carried an nually over the telephone wires, Mr. Edison is ready to exhibit at the Panama-Pacific fair for the first time the telescrlbe, a combination of the tele phone and dictaphone, which will put upon a cylinder for reproduction every syllable uttered into the transmitter. A little thought will enable any one to realize what a revolution will be wrought In commercial and legal af fairs when a telephone conversation can be proved beyond dispute as read ily as a written document. Woes of an Authors "How's your new book coming on?" "Passably welL The demand isn't what It should be. I mean among pur chasers. And, of course, If people dou't buy the book there's nothing In It for me." "I see. By the way, I'm reading It now. Blnks loaned me a copy that Tompkins borrowed from Bradley. Pretty fair atory." Cleveland Plain Dealer, NEW MODERN DANCING. E. Fletcher Hatlamore, tha leading Dancing Ex pert and Instructor in K?w York City, writes: '1 have used ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE, tha antiaeptic powder to be shaken into the ahoee. for tan years. and recommend it to all my pupila." It curea and preventa aore feet. Sold by all Drug and Depart ment btorea. Z5c. sample Fiu.s. Address, Alien S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. . Ostensible Occupation. "Does Bliggins work?" "No. He has an office downtown so that he can keep out of the way of the servants In his house." Washing ton Star. Resinol Stops Itching Instantly It is a positive fact that the moment resinol ointment touches any itching skin, the itching usually stops and healing begins. With the aid of resinol soap, it quickly clears away all trace of eczema, ringworm, pimples, blackheads, or similar torment ing, unsightly erup tion, leaving the skin clear and healthy. And the best of it Is you need never hesitate to use resinol soap and resin ol ointment. There is nothing In them to Injure the tendereBt surface. Res inol is a doctor's prescription which for twenty years has been used by careful physicians for all kinds of skin affections. Tbey prescribe resinol freely, confident that Its soothing, healing action is brought about by medication so bland and gentle as to be suited to the most delicate or irri tated skin even of a tiny baby. Every druggist sella resinol soap and resinol ointment ".'-;,i m NFECTION IS MTU. Bito of Fly Deadly to All Human Beings. Fatal Sleeping Sickness, So Drssdad In Africa, Has Been Traced to the ; Tsetse Fly Wild Gams a I Source of Danger, The wlggly little things shown In the picture thut accompanies this ar tlclo are the creatures that cause tho dreaded "sleeping sickness," or na giiiia, so common in Contral Africa. Sir David Bruce, who more than any other man, has studied this disease and Its causes, delivered four lectures on it before the Royal Udge of Physi cians in London In May. The creatures that cause the dis ease are called trypanoBomes. There are many types or species, some more plentiful In one region, some In an other; but all have the same general form. They multiply In the digestive organs of the tsetse fly. This bites human beings and animals, and the trypanosomes pass Into their blood and Infect tbem, just as the microbes of malaria and yellow fover are car ried by mosquitoes. Not all tsetse files are Infected, for Sir David Bruce says that "If a man Is bitten by a tsetse fly In the sleeping Blckness area of Nyassaland It Is 600 to 1 against bis taking the disease, since only 1 In 500 flies Is Infective with the speclflo parasite." But If a man be bitten by an in fected fly It Is almost certain that be will die within three or four months. No cure has yet been discovered and no human being has yet recovered, though 83 per cent of oxen recover. The wild game of Central Africa Is heavily Infected, and these buffalo, an telope, etc., are the reservoir of the Trypanosoma Gamblense, the Para site That Causes Sleeping 8lckness In Nyaasaland, Magnified About 700 Diameters. disease. The only way to stamp out an epldemlo Is to remove the whole human population to a region that Is not Infected with tsetse flies, and, "if It be desired to go a step further and render the sleeping sickness area In habitable, then clearing and cultiva tion must be resorted to," for there is little doubt that when the wild game 1b driven away It takes the danger with It USEFUL WORK FOR SOLDIERS Standing Army Could Be Employed During Time of Peace In Con struction of Good Roads. (By JOHN NELSON. Chicago.) The soldier Is and probably will btt for some time a necessary member of society until the world can compre hend the brotherhood of man and Its people become world patriots in place of bigoted national patriots. Until that time comes let us make our sol diers more productive and give them enough remuneration bo that they can live and patronize the Industries of the country as American citizens should. This country needs good roads to re duce, tho high cost of living by reduc ing the cost of transportation between the producer and the consumer. Why not let the soldiers spend part of their time building roads? The bene fit from such work would be great and the country could well afford at least to double Boldiers' pay If half of thelt time was devoted to this. Tho regular equipment of the army, such as tenti and tools, could be utilized in this con nection. The work Is of such a nature that It would keep men in good physical condition for field service in case of war. There is also much other useful work that can be done In times of peace and abandoned in times ol war. By making It the task of sol diers we could have a large standing army that would be a benefit Instead of a burden. With this work carried on under government control on a large scale efficiency can be developed tar beyond anything In the past. Jealous Bride Ended Her Life. Jealous of her husband every time he even smiled on a baby, Jealous of his office work because It took him from her side, Jealous of him even If he walked alone on the street, Mrs. Adele Diaz, a pretty Spanleli bride of New York city, worked herself up Into such a state of mind that she com mitted suicide one day after finding her husband's revolver. International Electric Standard. Experts from the United Stnte3 and England have agreed on International standards for electrical machinery which are expected to be adoped throughout the world. Looks Like It. "Is Jaggers going under, do you think T" "From all I can hear, be Is usually either under an automobile or under a cloud." . - Good Reason. "So you have written a book on cemented basements. But why did you choose such a subject?" "Because I wanted it to be amonz the best cellars. ' Hie Auto Suggestion. "Why do yon keep that old plug la your stabler "Becauso there's lota of courting young couples about, and he's a good sparking plug." - - Renew Your Health Back of all good health there must be perfect digestion, liver and bowel activity and pure blood. You can help Nature bring about this con dition with HOSTETTER'S Stomach Bitters Stability Wanted. "It's no use," pouted little Freddy, who had just completed his first week at school, "I shall never go to school again!" "But why?" asked his mother. "What's the use of going? I shall never learn to spell!" "What do you mean?" "Well, how can I learn to spell when the teacher changes the words every day?" Chicago Herald. Sympathy. A gentleman traveling on horseback not long ago came upon an Irishman who was fencing In a most barren and desolate piece of land. "What are you fencing In that lot for, Pat?" said he. "A herd of cows would starve to death on that land." "And shure, your honor, wasn't I fencing It to keep the poor bastes out of It!" Philadelphia Public Ledger. Nabbing Him Quick. Mr. Singleton Do you believe In divorce, Miss Yellowleaf? Miss Yellowleaf Oh, you men are just awful! You haven't even asked me to marry you yet! Judge. How Could He? "Do you know John Jones hasn't said a word all evening?" "Well, he hasn't had a chance." "What's he doing?" "Having a big argument with his wife.'.' On the Safe Side. "So you Intend to be a soldier when you growup. Don't you know you'll be In danger of getting killed?" "Who by?" "Why, by the enemy." "Then I'll be the enemy." Boston Transcript. The Nameless Spy. Watching artist. '"E didn't ought to be 'lowed to sketch the old castle!" "Why not? 'K ain't got it nothln' like!" Punch. Acquitted. "Why do you Bay the officer is wrong?" demanded the Judge, "when he swears you came up behind him silently at the rate of 25 miles an hour?" "Because the running board always rattles at 10 miles an hour." . No Wonder. "Was Mrs. Brown pleased when you asked her to Join the Shut-in society?" "Pleased? Why, she hasn't spoken to me since. How should I know, though, her husband was in jail?" IN STERLING LIVES A GIRL Who Suffered As Many Girls Do Tells How She Found Relief. Sterling, Conn." I am a girl of 22 years and I used to faint away every month and was very weak. I was also bothered a lot with female weakness. I read your little book 'Wisdom for Wo men,' and I saw how others had been helped by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta ble Compound, and decided to try it, and it baa made me feel like a new girl and I am now relieved of all these troubles. I hope all young girls will get relief as I have. I never felt better in my life." Mrs. John Tetbeault, Box 116, Sterling, Conn. Msssena, N.Y. "I have taken Ly dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and I highly recommend It If anyone wants to write to me I will gladly tell her about my case. I was certainly in a bad condition as my blood was all turn ing to water. I had pimples on my face and a bad color, and for five years I had been troubled with suppression. The doctors called it 'Anemia and Exhaus tion,' and said I was all run down, but Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com pound brought me out all right" Miss La visa Myres, Box 74, Massena, N.Y. Toons Girls, Heed This Advice. Girls who are troubled with painful or irregular periods, backache, headache, dragging-down sensations, fainting spells or indigestion, should immediately seek restoration to health by taking Ly dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. f s LINK'S BUSINESS COLLEGE "THE SCHOOL Or QUALITY" Portland 'a Beat Buaineai Training School. Bookkeeping, Shorthand, Typewriting and Penmanahip taught by expert teacbera. m Tin tpeii KeaMici;, Sept t, 1918 Many atodenta have already enrolled. Ask for Catalog. Enroll early. A. T. LINK, General Manager. . Phono MAIN 60S3 TiiFORD una roArum ohego) ; ; HIS SISTER'S LITTLE ANGEL Bachelor Told to Keep Eye on Young ster So That He Wouldn't Oet Into Any Mischief. "I was visiting ray married alster fn Toledo last week," relates Duck Haves. "Sho's got a throe-yoar-old kid, and, while I am fairly fond of chlldron, I am a bacholor and some what sot In my ways. I was rather dismayed, therefore, whan my sis ter proposed leaving me in the house with the child one afternoon. And here's what she said: "'Don't put yourself to a bit of trouble he can take care of himself. Bee that he doesn't climb up to the pantry shelves and koep an eye on him so that he won't got into any mischief. Ho won't annoy you. Don't let him go down collar and watch that he doesn't got hold of tha books tn the library, and he'll amuse himself all right. It be cries give him a cooky, and if that doesn't stop him ride him on your back. Out don't lot him bother you a bit I'll be home In an hour.' "Cleveland Plain Dealer. Just a Spsce Filler. "I must have more salary," declared the showgirl, "For what?" demanded the mana ger. "For acting." ''You don't act." "Aw, you can't fill my place, any how." "Aw, can't I? I can fill your place with an artificial palm." Probably Would. "Celebrating mothers' day by wear ing a carnation is a pretty custom, isn't It?" "Quite so. Another quaint Idea would be for every girl to help mother wash the dishes." "Yes; I think that would surprise mother all right" A Faux Pas. "You certainly put your foot in It when you told Mrs. Flirty that the fact you were arguing was as plain as the noso on her face." "Why did I put my foot In It?" "Because she Is considered to have a pretty noso." HIS IDEA. The Preacher You told me you were going to bury your sorrow, and now you're In this condition. Fuller Booze This hie has been a hie burial at sea. Looking Forward. "So they are trying love In a cot tage, eh?" "Yes, but there are compensations." "For Instance?" "They hope some day to use it foi a garage." Wedding Vows. Patience So he never took any marriage vows? Patrice Oh, yes, he did. "But I thought he was still a bache lor?" "He Is; but he vowed he'd never get married." Not In His Class. "No military surgeon would ever have made such a muddle of Lieu tenant Smith's hospital case." "What do you mean?" "Why, the report says he under went a major operation." Looks That Way. Bacon I see most of the men who have the "gold brick" game played on them are old. Egbert Which proves that the good may die young, but that the "good thing" does not. She Repented. "You say Bhe threw him over?" "Yes, but Bhe also threw him a life line." "How so?" "It was on a telegram and said; 'Come back.'" What Difference Does That Make? Bill It Is said that Hons and tlgeri are too weak In lung power to run more than half a mile. Jill-Well, that's all right. They'd get you before they'd covered that distance, all right. The Result. "Did the negotiations between the two rival boat-bulldlng concerns re suit In their being merged?" "No, 1 think they were submerged." Turing 8ervlce? Mrs. Flatbush How does your bus band like the new preacher? Mrs. Bensonhurst Oh. be likes him, I'm quite sure. He sleeps soundoi than ever. Fat "Why Is It that most prima donnas have er exceptionally well devel oped figures?" "Perhaps In courie of time they grow to be like their salaries." A Prefers ice. "You seem particularly fond of the muslo of the birds." "1 am," replied Mr. Growcher; "they never use Inelegant language and nobedy tries to dance to the tunes." 3 b $ure to risew You can't always make evcrythln g "Juit so." Sometime you will get In more shortening than usual; or make the batter a little thin; or It may not be convenient to put a cake In the oven the moment It 1 mixed; or your oven may not bake evenly and It Is necessary to turn the pan around-none ol these little uncertainties make the slightest difference In results U you um i i W Baking Powder " This modern, double-raise baking powder has unusual strength and Is absolutely certain to raise your biscuits, cakes and pastry Htfht and feathery. It generates an abundance ol leavening gas both tn the mix Ing bowl and In the oven. The, raising is sustained until the dough It cooked through. Housewives who use K C never have "bad luck" with their baking. Try K C at our risk. Your grocer will refund your money If you are not pleased In every way. 'MmiiiMimmmmTO An Obligation. "Our friend always puts hit best foot forward, although be is a trine uncouth." "Yes," replied Senator Sorghum, "a man who puts his best foot forward ought to be careful at least to keep his shoes polished." Washington Star. FACTORY POWDER Good shells in your gun mean a good bag In the field or a good score at the trap. Winchester ' ' Leader" and "Repeater" Smokeless Powder Shells are good shells. Always Bure-fire, always giving an even spread of shot and good penetration, their great superiority is testified to by sports men who use Winchester Factory Loaded Shells in preference to any other make. ALL DEALERS KEEP THEM The Invitation. Hello, Mabel!" "Oh, hello, George!" "How are you, Mabel?" "Just fine I How are you, George?" "Same, Say, Mabel, let's go through the park this afternoon. What do you say?" "Well ah-ah ahem I I ah I'm kind of well, I'm kind of tired, George." "Then you won't go?" "I'm bo sorry, but, George, you un derstand just how it is, don't you, George, dear?" "Yes, I guess so. I suppose I'll have to ride with someone else, then." "Ride?" "Yes; my new eight-cylinder road ster came this morning." "Oh, George! Did it really? Isn't that Just Bplendld? Say ah George, I guess I'm not as tired as I thought I was." "Well, I wouldn't take any chances If I were you, Mabel. It doeBn't pay. I'll take someone else." "But, really, dear, I'm not tired a bit. Honestly." "It's Bweet of you to say that, but I don't want to take advantage of your kindness. Good-by, Mabel." Mabel slammed the receiver vic iously on the hook. "Darn it!" she muttered. Why didn't he say so in the first place?" Michigan Gargoyle. Mental Arithmetic. The following question was put to some young pupils in a public school: "There is a family of five children. The mother has only four potatoes to divide among them. She wants to give each child an equal share. What Is she to do?" Silence prevailed In the clans room ; every pupil was calculating diligently. Finally one boy put up his hand. "Well, Sammy, what would you do?" asked the teacher. "Mash the potatoes, ma'am." Phila delphia Public Ledger. The Reason. "So you think the plaintiff wept crocodile tears." "Sure I do. Wasn't he the allegator in the case?" Baltimore American. Within Her Rights. A woman mounted the steps of the elevated station carrying an umbrella like a reversed saber. An attendant touched her lightly, saying: "Excuse me, madam, but you are likely to put out the eye of the man behind you." "Well, he's my husband," she snap ped. Chicago Herald. Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets first put up 40 years ago. They reeulate and invigorate stomach, liver and bow els. Sugar-coated tiny granules. A Pretty Test. "When a young man proposes you should always he careful and test his love," cautioned the chaperon. "But I go one better, auntie," twit tered the pretty Hayswater girl. "Do you see this tiny bottle?" "Yes. Does it contain perfume?" "No; it contains acid. I test the en gagement ring." Philadelphia Public Ledger. gssssBBMaaasssaissassisissasseaiasaaaasisaiBBB Sooner or later you will be wrong in every organ of your body. It is a well known fact that over 95 ft of all sicknesses are caused by ailments of the digestive organs. If you have theslighest suspicion that your stomach requires treatment,, don't delay a moment Little ills soon grow into serious ills. DR. PIERCE'S Golden Medical Discovery toon rights the wrong. It helps the stomach digest the food and manu facture nourishing blood. It has a tonic effect and toon enablet the stomach and heart to perform their functions iu a natural, healthy manner, without any outside aid, As Dr. Plena's Golden Medical Discovery contains neither alcohol nor ntreotica then Is no reaction. For over forty years it has stood tha teat of both use and abuse and is today the greateet remedy of it kind in tho world. Begin Dow. Tke It home today. Sold by Medicine Dealers in liquid or tablet form. Of sand 60c to Dr. Fleree'i Invalids Hotel, Buffalo, N. Y., for a trial box. . For tie yea can get Use Ceaaaaea getjaa KedSeal Adviser, SssssssaHss WrUW,TLraca,SaUJf,l,Y, the $un 1 H A Hint For Contributors. "I think," tald the editor, "that I will drop journalism and take to as tronomy." "Why?" "Because astronomers have more apace than they know what to do with." Philadelphia Record. LOADED SMOKELESS SHOTGUN SHELLS Valued Immunity. "So you bought one of those auto mobiles they tell so many funny stor ies about?" "Yes," replied Mr. Chugglns, "and It Is saving me a lot of trouble and wear and tear. When your friends tell you Jokes about your car they don't ex pect you to ask them to ride around In it." Washington Star. A New Game. "Let's play pinochle golf this time," suggested the man who always lost. "Pinochle golf," exclaimed his oppo nent. "What kind of a game is that?" "It's played Just like ordinary golf," replied the other, "only the man with the high Bcore winB." Philadelphia Public Ledger. Nothina ha ever eaualed or cnmnnmA With the mpAirinnl tntm in Soott'8 Emulxlnn n arrest the decline, invigorate the blood, strengthen tK , nervous system, aid the appe- tue and restore the courage , or better health. Soott'a Emulsion it pure noalth. build fed ing rood, without aironoi or opiate. TRY IT Dr. Dumba Hat His Hat. If any comment on the late Dr. Dum ba were necessary It has been abun dantly furnished by the Bohemians, Croatians, Czechs, and Slovaks who have Indignantly repudiated his sud den condescending Interest in them. They came to "this free and glorious nation," as they call It, to get away from him and his sort of government, and have told him so in plain terms. They are Americans, not Austro-, Americans, and owe no allegiance to the mlshapsburgs. There are other diplomatic personages now resident here who are equally wrong-headed and could equally well be spared. Colliers. Accounting For It. "How do you account for the fact that George Washington never told a He?" asked the teacher. "I guess he never went flshin'," piped the small urchin at the pedal ex tremity of the class. Indianapolis Star. Raw Remark. "I made a rare discovery yesterday at Mrs. Dingle's dinner." "What was it?" "The steak was underdone." Balti more American. m r i