The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930, October 01, 1915, Image 3

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    I0Vi
HUPRY
cGUXTV
ILLUSTRATED
8YN0P3I8.
Hall Bonlstelle, artist-photographer,
prepares for the day's work In his studio.
H Is reminded by Flodie Fisher, his as
Blatant, of a party he ! to five In the
itudlo that night, and warned that hl
business la in bad financial 1)1 ape. Mr.
Doremus, attorney and Justice of the
Eeace, calls and Informa Hall that hti
'ncle John's will has left him J4.0OO,0OO on
condition that he marry before his twenty-eighth
birthday, which begins at mid
night that night. Mrs. Rena Royalton
calls at the studio and Hall asks her to
marry him at once. She spars for time.
CHAPTER III Continued.
"Mercy, Hall! Not hero! Not now!
Not yet!" She took a few steps from
him, and turned to look him oyer,
even as he had looked at her, She
looked as a woman looks at a hat In a
milliner!, then shook her head, aa If
he were not sure it was becoming.
"No, Hall, I'm afraid I must have a lit
tle time. I can't decide Just now"
"Rena!"
"No, Hall. Ton must be patient,
dear. Give me a week"
"See here!" Hall spoke deliberately.
"Will you let me know tonight? You're
coming to my . party here, . tonight,
aren't you?"
"Why, yes, I was."
"Will you give me your answer
then?"
She hung fire for a moment. Hall
gave a gesture of agony it was his
supreme effort and had a touch of
genius. Mrs. Royalton, seeing, capit
ulated. "Well, then, all right, to
night." Hall tried again for an embrace
even while repulsing him she let him
taste her lips, then she feebly pushed
him away. "Oh, Hall, you mustn't!
Not yet, anyway you know I haven't
accepted you, yet. Oh, I can't decide.
I've got to think it all over calmly."
"Lord, not calmly, Rena!" he ex
claimed. He gazed sadly at his shoes.
"The BUBpense will be terrible!" he
said, and with elaborate emphasis,
"my darling!"
"Oh, 'Faint heart ne'er won fair
lady!'" Mrs. Royalton seemed fully
two Inches taller than when she had
came in. "Now, I must go, Hall. Good
by!" She held out her hand, an em
press to a slave. He kissed it with
fervor. And with that she smiled, and
walked out.
For ten minutes Flodie had stood
stealthily by the door, trying to listen.
She had barely time to spring back to
her desk.'
"Good-by, Miss Fisher!" Mrs. Royal
ton paused condescendingly. "I think
if you used almond cream for your
face it might do It a great deal of
good. Try one of those wrinkle-bands.
why don't you! They're really very
efficacious." She swished Into the
dressing room to put on her veil.
Flodie waited a moment in scornful
silence, then burst into the studio to
find Hall gazing in a stupor out the
window, hands in pockets, a scowl on
his face. "What did she say?" she
whispered. Hall didn't hear. "What
did she say, Mr. Bonlstelle!" Flodie
was perishing of suspense.
Hall walked to the couch and
dropped down, shaking his head
"She wanted time. Time! Confound
it the only thing I haven't got
What d'you think of that! I feel as it
I'd done a week's, washing! I'm all
used up! Say, Flodie, it takes lots
of energy to propose, did you know
that?"
Flodie regarded him wistfully. "I
should think it would especially
when you don't mean it."
"Oh, I mean it all right I'll stand
for It. Four millions! Lord, why
wouldn't I mean it? I'd mean any
thing!" "I mean when you don't really love
her, Mr. Bonlstelle. I don't see how
you could do it. I could never do
anything like that!"
"Well, you ought to bs glad you
don't have to Flodie. Unfortunately, I
do. Why, she'll make a good wife,
won't she? I don't say I love her, ex
actly; but, well, I've always liked
Rena Royalton. She's a good fellow.
She's got the looks, and the style,' and
the family connections and everything.
I wouldn't be a bit ashamed of her as
Mrs. Bonlstelle. What's the matter
with you, Flodie? You look so queer!
Ill or anything,"
"Oh, I'm all right!" Flodie smiled
bitterly. "Only only "
"Well, I'll be hanged! Why, any
body would think It was you who were
in a hole, not me. Lord, I thought you
-cared enough for me to help me out!"
She moved instinctively toward
him; instinctively she withdrew. "Oh,
I do, really I do, Mr. Bonlstelle! How
can I help you? Tell me!"
"Well, what am I going to do If Mrs.
Royalton refuses me. By Jovel Just
think of its being In that woman's
power to cost me four and a half mil
lions! It's outrageous!"
"Don't you let her, Mr. Bonlstelle!"
Flodie broke out eagerly. "Oh, it isn't
right Surely there's some other way
a better way than that, Mr. Bonl
stelle!" "A better way? What d'you mean?"
Hall looked at her, puzzled.
Flodie screwed up her courage, and
reached gently for his hand. But no,
she didn't quite dare take it Her
LIKE A MOURNING DRAPERY
Interested Colored Spectators Brought
Facetious Remark From Member
of Their Race.
The darky has a sense of humor
'peculiarly his own, and he by no
means objects to a Joke with reference
to his color provided be makes it
himself, according to a story that was
told by Champ Clark.
"There is a darky in Missouri who
,"has acquired considerable renown In
f W I e j
DURGEH5
WTOjj
own fell, instead, caressingly, but un
seen, upon his sleeve.
"Oh, Mr. Bonlstelle," aha pleaded,
"you ought to have someone who
really cares for you who really loves
you, you know who would love you
always. Someone who knows how good
you are! Don't 'tie yourself up to a
woman like that why, she's five years
older than you are, Mr. Bonlstelle
she's middle-aged, almost and she's
been married before, too! Why, you
want youth, Mr. Bonlstelle and fresh
nessand "
"Can I come in?" A high cheerful
voice Interrupted them. Both turned
suddenly toward the doorway to the
office.
CHAPTER IV.
There, standing between the por
tieres, was a young womaa looking in,
unembarrassedly, with a careless
smile on her face. She was the sort of
girl who affects extremes In style, and
fits to her sllmneBs the sportiest odd
hats, the stralghtest, narrowest short
est skirts. But they well became her;
there was a not unpleasant masculine
note In her air and costume a brisk
ness and confidence that spoke of golf
and tennis, horse or boats. Without
being too pretty, she had finely cut,
sharp features, a long nose, gTay eyes,
a deft chin. She was most distinctly
a New York type, trim as a cutter,
clean and fresh as a hound. If Mrs.
Royalton e had been willowy-languor
ous, supersentimental, suave, the crisp
and cool newcomer was as easily care
less as a boy. She waited, with an
arch, somewhat amused expression,
for an Invitation to enter.
"Oh Miss Dallys! Good morning!"
Hall called out and walked toward
her. "Say, would you mind waiting
just a minute?"
"Sure!" said Carolyn Dallys. She
waved her hand Jauntily, and retreated
to the office.
Hall returned to Flodie and stared
at her dramatically. Flodie trembled.
Finally he pounded the table with one
stroke of his fist "By Jove!" He
nodded emphatically.
"Oh, Mr. Bonlstelle you don't mean
" Flodie looked unspeakable things.
He pointed to the door to the office,
"There's the girl, right in there 1 Caro
lyn Dallys! Why didn't we think of
her before?"
Flodie winced as if he had struck
her in the face. Then she burst forth
like a waterfall. "Oh, no, no I Let me
tell you, Mr. Bonlstelle! She's too
mannish, Mr. Bonlstelle, Miss Dallys
Is you want a feminine woman, Mr.
Bonlstelle you know one who can
care for you and look after you, and
see that you get up and keep your ap
pointments and oh, dear can't you
see ?" She looked at him, saw be
was not listening, made another effort,
more hysterical, in sheer despair. "Oh,
Mr, Bonlstelle, why, Miss Dallys cares
more for dogs and automobiles than
she does for you, Mr. Bonlstelle Mr.
Bonlstelle " Flodie took him by the
coat lapel impressively. "She smokes
cigarettes!"
Hall laughed and chucked her under
the chin. "Oh, that's all right! Lord,
Flodie, I don't want to marry a house
keeper, you know. Why, I'll be a mil
lionaire. I'll have servants to do all
that. My wife will have to know a
thing or two, you know, society, and
manners and taste. Carolyn is right
In it College education, music and
y everything I need drives a car, plays
polo bridge swims and shoots why,
Lord, I'd be proud to death of her. You
go right in and tell her I'm ready."
Again Flodie flinched. She gave him
one hungry look and started for the of
fice. Then a new thought stabbed her.
She turned. "What if Mrs. Royalton
should Bay yes? What If she should?'
Hall suddenly came to his senses.
"Say, by jovel That would be a mix-
up, wouldn't it! I hadn't thought of
that at all." He dropped down on a
chair and looked at her hopelessly.
Did Flodie see, at the prospect of
such an entanglement, a faint hope for
her own chances? Her face, for a mo
ment lighted. It was anyone, now, to
beat Mrs. Royalton. Flodie foresaw
that Carolyn Dallys alone could help
her. Yes, he must propose to Carolyn
Her voloe came artfully smooth and
sweet.
"You could batch up a quarrel,
couldn't you perhaps you could tell
her something horrid or do some
thing well, you know!"
"Or you could. .Couldn't you, Flo
die? You've helped me out before.
You're clever. You know women."
Flodie was a new creature now. The
primitive woman in her was aroused,
She smiled but it ras so unlike Flo
die's sunny smile It was electric. She
nodded sagely.
"Well, then, I'll take a chance, any
way. Lord, I think I've got a right to
make as good a choice as I can, If I
have to be married to order! I don't
see why I should ruin my whole life
just because I happened to see Mrs,
Royalton first I You tell Carolyn I'm
all ready."
Flodie nodded, with a hard look in
her eyes. "All right," she said slowly,
and gulped something down. "It's your
his locality for his taste in landscape
gardening. He was employed in set
ting out shrubs on the lawn of his em
ployer. The owner of the place was
nowhere to be seen, but a number of
the gardener's friends were leaning
comfortably on the fence at the foot
of the lawn, watching the operations
with absorbed interest Another
darky, who was driver for a physician
living near, looked curiously at this
row of spectators, and thus addressed
the doctor, who was getting into bis
buggy:
funeral!" Sne walked slowly back to
the office and gave Miss Dallys the
message, then sat down dismally at
her desk and hid her face In her hands.
Steadily the tears dropped down upon
the blotter; at regular Intervals Flo
die's shoulders rose and fell as her
emotion swayed her. She begaa te
dab at her eyes with her handker
chief. Carolyn Dallys, lithe, free, long-legged,
walked Into the studio with easy
unconsciousness. "Hello, Hall I" There
was always a half-concealed chuckle
in her voice. "Got those proofs ready,
old man? Darn you it you haven't!"
"Really, Carolyn, I've heea awfufly
rushed, I haven't had a something
very Important came up today."
"Oh, you can cut all that out, HalL
The simple reason Is you're lazy. And
I'd just begua to believe that the little
girl out there," she nodded ber head
toward the office, ''had succeeded in
making you work. Well, never mind,
I can go somewhere else."
"Oh, come nowl They'll be ready
tonight, I promise you. Perhaps this
afternoon, even. The fact is, I just
havent been in the mood to develop
the plates, that's all."
She nodded, smiling. "Artlstlo tem
perament, eh? Well, It's becoming! I
suppose I'll have to wait Say, Mrs.
Royalton seemed to have an idea that
she was the only one. invited to your
party, and when she found I was con
ing tonight, she was just a bit well.
asteistlc."
Hall saw his chance and opened the
campaign with energy. "Lord, the
Ideal" he exclaimed. "As if I wouldn't
have yeu if I had anybody! Why, you
always are the first one I ask. Carolyn,
you know that I " He turned on senti
mental lights in his eyes..
'Really?" Carolyn asked curiously.
'Of course t You know I'm awfully
fond of you, Carolyn."
Really?" Carolyn repeated, her Hps
beginning to quiver with mirth.
Yes, by jove, I'd hardly dare tell
you how much."
Oh, do!" she replied lightly. "I'm
feeling awfully stodgy this morning. It
might wake me up." She tossed him a
joyous glance and. swung herself over
to the other side of the studio and fin
gered a piece of embroidery. "Fire
away, I'm waiting!" she laughed. Then
she whistled a piece of a tune, picked
Her Face, for a Moment, Lighted.
up a color plate and squinted at it.
Oh, look at that! That model of
yours, isn't it? Miss Gale? Bully I
What a stunning costume!" She stood
inspecting it
Hall, meanwhile, was watching her
sharply. He noted the trlmness of her
costume, the freshness of the 'huge
bunch of violets, the whiteness of her
gloves, her picturesque, expensive hat
She was so at ease, so Independent
and unconscious, that it was as if some
wild animal had entered his studio.
How well she knew her World, how
conscious she was of her superiority
over most of those she met, her equal
ity with any! She had consummate
poise; her self-esteem never waned,
She breathed the smartness, culture
and self-sufficiency of her social
sphere; it protected her like an armor.
It was as if, being Carolyn Dallys, she
was insured against any form of em'
barrassment. Carolyn was neither
particularly clever nor very rich, but
she was "inside," and those "Inside"
have freedom. Hall himself had been,
In bis time, "inside" he had, in fact,
despite his working for a sustenance,
never been ejected. His own family
could stand the strain. He knew,
therefore, how to appreciate Carolyn's
place. Mrs. Royalton was In the
"smart" set the set that gets into the
newspapers but Carolyn Dallys still
lived on Lower Fifth avenue. She was
one of the foundation stones In the so
cial structure of which Mrs. Royal
ton was a more conspicuous pinnacle.
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
Delivering Letters Stolen a Year Ago.
Post office inspectors at Seattle,
Wash., are endeavoring to deliver to
the original addresses 500 letters stol.
en more than a year ago from the
Seattle post office by W. A. Byers, a
former postal clerk, and hidden by
Byers under a heap of ashes in the
fireplace of his former home.
At the time Byers was arrested
nearly 3,000 letters were found con
cealed in an office which he main
talned for the practice of law. He
pleaded guilty and was sent to prison,
Recently L T. Merry moved Into the
hotel which Byers had formerly occu
pied and in cleaning the fireplace un
earthed the additional letters,
" 'Doctah' (very solemnly), 'dere's
somebody dead at Mlstah Jones,'
shore.'
"'Deadr sail (fie doctor. No such
thing, Tom. I should have heard of
it if there had been any Illness in the
family."
" 'Well, doctah,' said Tom, pointing
to a row of sable individuals who
were hanging on the picket fence, 'ef
dere ain't nobody dead at Mlstah
Jones, den what to' is all dls heal)
mournin' strung along de" fence V
mm
FOX TELL3 ANOTHER 8TORY.
"I wish Mr. Fox would tell another
itory," said Jack Rabbit as he pre
pared to go again to the hillside and
consult the source of wisdom upon
which he had now come to depend
very much.
That story which he told me re
cently of the mouse and the frog was
very Interesting, and it illustrated so
well the fact that so many of us seem
bound to make ourselves uncomfort
able by binding ourselves to persons
and things unsulted to us. I shall
certainly try to make him tell an
other story today."
When Jack Rabbit got to Mr. Fox's
house he did not find him at home;
but, knowing that unless something
very important detained him, he would
soon be there, he Bat down to wait.
And as - he waited he saw on the
ground beside him a great number of
ants, which were rushing about and
hurrying in all directions at least
that was the way it seemed to Jack
Rabbit, although he thought they
must know what they were doing,
else they would not be working so
hard.
He was busy watching the ants
when,, all at once, he was surprised to
find Mr. Fox standing right beside
him and saying: "How do you do this
morning?"
Jack Rabbit was rather ashamed to
be caught watching the ants, and
started to make some explanation of
what he was doing, when he was
stopped by Mr. Fox, who said: "Don't
excuse yourself for watching the ants.
There are very few of us animals
who could not learn more than we al
ready know from these little insects
for they are very wise, and do many
things much better than even men do
them. They are systematic and me
thodical; they know the rules of war
and forms of government; they can
lift more than their own weight and
carry it a long way; they care for
their sick, and provide for their fu
ture, and, above all, they have a sense
of gratitude, and after I have got
some of this dirt off my paws and
washed my face I will teach you
bit of wisdom by telling you a story
of an ant that was first told years
and years ago by a wise old fox In Per
sla, whose stories have been retold by
many another fox who was not so
wise."
Jack Rabbit was delighted to think
that Mr. Fox was going to tell htm an
other story without his even having
to ask him, and he was very Impatient
while Mr. Fox was washing his paws
and face and getting off some of the
dirt, which, I fear,-had got on them
while he was digging a hole under
the fence which Farmer Wilson had
recently built around his chicken
yard.
Finally, however, he completed his
bath, and he had scarcely got to the
door of his house before he began his
Saw on the Ground Beside Him a
Great Number of Ants.
story. "You see," said Mr. Fox, "that
with all their other accomplishments
the ants are not very good swimmers,
and one day an ant, having ventured
too near the edge of a brook, fell in,
and was in great danger of being
drowned. He called, In a feeble way,
for help, but there seemed to be no
one to hear him, and he had almost
given up hope when the current of
the brook carried him under a tree,
upon a branch of which a dove was
resting.
"The ant, seeing the dove, thought
to himself: 'Here is one last chance;
I will call as loudly as I can, and if
the dove does not help me I shall give
myself up as lost'
"So he called as loudly as he could,
and the dove, hearing him, looked
down, and when he saw what the mat
ter was, plucked a leaf from the tree
and dropped It into the water Just
beside the ant. Though fast losing
strength, the ant managed to crawl
upon It, and the breeze, blowing the
leaf to the shore, he crawled upon dry
ground and was saved.
"Now a good many animals and a
good many men would have said to
themselves: 'That leaf fell off the tree.
and I do not owe the dve anything
ior saving my me, ana wouia nave
at once forgotten the act of kindness.
But the ant did not do this. Instead,
he said to himself: 'Some day 1 will
have a chance to repay the dove.'
"It was not long after this that
hunter, going through the wood, saw
the same dove sitting on the branch
of a tree, and determined to kill It
The dove, intent upon watching her
nest, did not see the hunter, and so
did not fly away; but the ant, watch
Ing the hunter while he loaded his
gun, knew that the dove was In dan
ger, and determined, If possible, to
save her. He ran as fast as he could
toward the hunter, and reached him
just as be was making ready to fire.
"Scrambling as fast as be could up
the hunter's leg, he reached a bare
place above his stocking just as the
hunter aimed his gun, and, biting him
as hard as be could, be made toe
hunter miss his aim, and the sound
of the gun alarming the dove, she
flew away to a safe place."
"Well," said Jack Rabbit, "that was
certainly a fine thing for the ant to
do, and particularly as it is not likely
the dove ever knew why it was the
hunter missed his aim."
"Indeed," said Mr. Fox, "It was all
the more credit to the ant that he
performed the kindness without ex
pecting the whole world to know of It
And the whole story," continued Mr.
Fox, "furnishes proof of the lesson
that even the smallest sort of a kind
ness Is profitable to the one who
does it
'And now I am going in to take a
nap," said Mr. Fox, "for I have had a
very busy night and morning doing a
kindness to Farmer Wilson's chickens.
He had built a fence so tight that
there was no way they could get out
of their yard; but I have dug them a
nice hole under the fence, and I think
one or two of them will get out by
tomorrow morning."
TO START BOY IN BUSINESS
Shetland Ponies Are Easily Kept and
Require But Little Grain Do
Very Well on Hillsides.
A good way for a boy to start in
business is by raising Shetland ponies.
A very well-bred mare can be bought
for $125 to $200, the latter figure be
ing for a pure bred.
Starting with a mare in foal, a boy
can, In the course of live years, It he
A Baby Shetland. .
has no bad luck, find himself In poS'
session of enough animals to start him
on the highway to success.
It is always best to buy registered
animals for breeding, but ' if crosses
are used with a registered stallion one
can in time breed up to a very high
standard. Shetlands are very easily
kept. They require but little grain,
and will do very well on rocky hill
sides where there is fair pasturage.
They need shelter in bad weather,
of course, but an open shed, wind
tight on three sides, leaving the south
side open, will.be all that U necessary,
A good wire fenco is required to
keep them in bounds, as Shetlands are
extremely curious and somowhat rest
less, and will manage to get over, un
der. or through the average farm
fence.
If handled from birth thoy are very
easily broken, and at three years old
will be ready to ride or drive. Pure'
bred Shetlands find ready sale at
prices ranging from (125 to $200, and
exceptionally fine specimens bring
even higher prices.
FRENCH BOY DISPLAYS PLUCK
Cuts Planks for Floor for Trench
While Within Thirty-Six Yards of
Enemy Enemy Astonished.
A patient In the American am
bulance hospital at Neuilly-Bur-Selne
tells the following story of one of his
comrades:
"We had been living in the trenches
for days with the water above our
ankles. At that time cur trenches
were only thlrty-slx yards away from
the German trenches, so that we could
hear the enemy talking and whistling,
and, Indeed, we often called across to
them.
"One day, young P., who was a hot-
tempered chap about twenty-one years
of age, threw down his shovel and
said that he wouldn't work In such
a nasty hole another moment, and
that he had rather die once from
German bullet than live another day
in the trench. Anyhow, ho was going
out to chop some wood for a floor
and let the Germans shoot him II
they wished.
"Thereupon P. calmly crawled out
of the trench, walked to a woodpil
In full sight of the Germans, and be
gan making planks from the wood.
He worked a whole hour, for the Gor
mans were so much astonished at his
audacity, and so delighted with his
pluck, that they made no attempt to
stop him.
"When he had finished the neodod
pile of boards, P. calmly carried thorn
into the trench, and the men made
good floor of them." Youth's Com'
panion.
RIGHT BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
List Prepared by Llteratu.-e Commit
tee of Mothers' Congress Bible
Is Placed 8econd.
(By MARION V. HIOOINB, Colorado Ag
ricultural College.)
"Some books are lies frae end to
end." Burns.
If you agree with "Bobble" Burns
you may want to consult the circular
published by the United States bureau
of education on "1,000 good books for
children."
This list was prepared by the litera
ture committee of the Mothers' con
gress and Is planned for use in com
munltles not so fortunate as to have
a children's librarian or to suppl
ment the work of a children's li
brarian.
The table of contents given below
shows the aim and scope of the circu
lar:
1. Picture books and stories for the
youngest reader.
2. Bible.
3. Education and life.
4. Natural history, science and ani
mal stories.
6. Stories of foreign lands.
6. Our own country.
7. History, myths and legends.
8. Biography.
9. Stories.
10. Poetry.
11. Books for occupation and amusi
ment.
13. Key to publishers.
NGUSH LEARNING TO SHOOT
Match for Boys, Assemblage le
Amazed to Hear Youngster Call
on Father for Bull's-Eye.
'Young Astor," said a Chicago edi
tor, "has just given (100,000 to the
British Red CroBS. I congratulated
him on his ardor last month In Lon
don, but be said, with a laugh, that
such ardor was common all over Eng
land.
"He said that all over England they
were learning rifle shooting in their
patriotic ardor now. There was a rifle
Bhooting match not long ago in the
village of Combo Martin for boys be
tween fourteen and seventeen. It was
astonishing how many boys took part
In the match the prize was a sub
stantial one and some of the seven
teen-year-old youngsters had aston
lshlngly mature faces.
"As one of these urchins was In the
midst of a vory brilliant display of
rifle shooting, tho assembly was
amazed to hear a little boy In the
front row yell:
" 'Gon on, father! Hurray! Give us
anothor bulls-eye." "
Smooth Oratory.
"He's a smooth politician, all right."
"In what way?"
"Didn't you notice In his speeches he
never referred to the worklngmen's
humble cottages?"
"No; what did he call them?"
"Always he said: 'You in your
modern bungalows.' "
BEST REASON.
Tragedioji I am going to give her
lessons in acting.
Comedian Has she talent?
Tragedian Well, Bhe has money,
Who Is to Blame?
Mr. Gedeon Do you remember,
Jose, where I put my cigarettes the
other night?
Jose No, I don't, sir.
Mr. Gedeon TheBe servants! They
never remember anything! Santiago
(Chile) Successos.
Nothing to Him.
"Did Blabson's love affair have
happy ending?"
"I presume so. I saw his former
fiancee the other day and Bhe must
weigh at least 200 pounds."
"Do you suppose that makes Blah
son happy?"
"At least It doesn't make htm un
happy. You see, she didn't marry
Blabson."
Just 80.
"The first of our line, Sir Hlggledy
Ptggledy, founded the family fortunes
with a grist mill he ran."
"When did he run this grist mill?1
"Back In 1560 or thereabouts."
"Oh, yea. I've often heard that
those were the times when knighthood
was In flour."
Mutual Help.
"Say, old man," quoth the farmer, "I
wish you'd train my son to be a law'
yer In your office. There's nothing In
farming."
"I'll do It," assented the lawyer.
provided you'll take my son on your
farm. There's nothing in the law.1
A Nickel-Plated Romance.
"They say Mayme married
the
moanest man In town."
'I should think bo. Why, where
do you think he took her for a wed'
Ung tour?"
"Where?"
"On a round trip in a Jitney bus.'
Dangers of Delay,
"Learn to do one thing and learn
to do It well," remarked the ready-
made philosopher.
"Yes," answered the pessimist; "but
by the time you have done that
somebody not quite so conscientious
has got the job."
The Kind.
"Mrs. Jinks is always away down
In the depths and making herself
miserable, yet she seemed much sur
prised when her husband decamped
In a hurry."
"Then his fight was really a bolt
from the blue."
No Luck Either Way.
"So you believe Friday is unlucky?'
"Yassuh," replied Mr. Erastus Pink-
ley. "If I begins sumpln' on Friday
it's liable to turn out unlucky; an1
den, agin, eef I puts It off an' don'
begin it on Friday, dat's liable to be
unlucky, too."
Tempting Her.
"Why don't you sue the road for
damages?"
"But I wasn't hurt, and It was my
own fault."
"A girl as beautiful as you are
doesn't need to be hurt, or right, in
order to get a verdict."
His Choice.
"What kind of a breakfast food do
you prefer?" asked the landlady.
"Well," responded the new boarder,
"flannel cakes with maple sirup, coun
try sausage, steak underdone, coffee,
rolls and Irish butter.
A Difficulty.
"When I marry, the woman i want
must be the possessor of brains."
"But suppose she makes the same
reaulrement?"
CAP
EDITOR EXPLAINS AN ERROR
Indignant Citizen Objects to Being
Called "Greedy Jobber" Copy
Read Plainly "Robber."
"See here," yelled the indignant cit
izen, as ho entered the office of the
editor of the Daily Whoop. "What do
you mean by this article In yester
day's paper?"
What is it?" asked the editor.
What Is it?" shouted the Indignant
citizen. "Why, you refer to me as a
greedy Jobber."
"That Is too bad," replied the edi
tor. "It is a typographical error, and
am sorry it appeared as it did."
"O, very well," answered the Indig
nant citizen. "I accept your apology."
"I don't know how that fool lino
type man came to set the word 'Job
ber,' " added the editor. "I wrote the
word 'robber' very plainly." Cincin
nati Enquirer.
Feminine Logic.
Mrs, A. Yes. Belle Is married at
last, and do you know her husband is
the very, man who proposed to her
ten years ago.
Mr. A. She ought to have married
him then.
Mrs. A. Oh, my dear, he was really
quite too old for her at that time.
Getting the Highest Bid.
"I could have done better than to
marry you.
A common cry among wives, my
dear. You women shouldn't blame us
men for your lack of business acumen.
To assure yourselves that you have
married as well as possible you should
Invite sealed proposals."
What Base Uses, Etc.
The new roomer was disappointed.
"I thought the rooms were all fin
ished In hardwood," he hinted.
"They used all that In stuffing the
mattresses," rejoined the one who had
lived there four years because he was
always behind with his rent."
Almost' Faux Pas.' -
"I notice fhi'the paper," gasped the
Washington hostess, "that Senator
Geewhiz was not re-elected to the next
congreBB."
What of that?"
And I was Just about to ask him
to dinner."
The Hero,
There's a burglar In the house," she
said In frightened tones.
"What of it?" asked her more or less
better halt from beneath the blankets.
I have never yet uncovered myself
for any man, he added with due
hauteur.
WHAT HE DISPLAYED.
(OI 3
Lady of House (to tramp who has
Just Jumped over picket fence)
You've got a tremendous nerve to
come over that fence.
Tramp Not only nerve, madam; I
think I displayed considerable ability
as well.
8he Knew the Business.
Aunt Your bride, my dear boy, Is
wealthy and all that but I don't think
she'll make much of a beauty show at
the altar.
Nephew You don't, eh! Just wait
till you see her with the bridesmaids
she has selected.
Like Trouble.
"Jim, you had better not go into this
spelling bee."
"Why not?"
"Because, with your limitations,
you'll find yourself in a hornet's nest"
Twin Souls.
Female Twin Soul "Pardon my di
shevelod appearance; I have but just
come from the bath."
Male Twin Soul "Another habit lu
common. How sweet!"
A Chain of Antagonism.
"Are your relations with Jawkins
friendly?"
"No," answered Mr. Growcher.
"That's one reason why I don't like
my relations."
Appropriate Ending.
"Those joy riders certainly did meet
with a fitting finish."
"How so?"
"They collided with the electric trou
ble wagon."
ifSIII