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About The Maupin times. (Maupin, Or.) 1914-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 10, 1915)
In the East and the West By H. M. EGBERT : (Copyright, 1915, by W. G. Chapman.) j "It's never Will Thorpe!" ' "That you, Jimmy?" The two men gazed at each other In halt incredulity. Then: "How you've changed, Will!" ex claimed the easterner. "I guess I'm wearing clothes that I wouldn't have cared to be seen in at 'Harvard or in Boston," said Will Thorpe, smiling at bis friend. "I don't mean that," answered Jim my Tremont. "It's it's well, I don't know Just what It is!" ; Will Thorpe thought about his friend's words that evening when he wag alone in his cabin on the moun tainside. Had he changed during his jthree years in the West, beyond the mere physical appearance? He was Inclined to think he bad. Certainly his tastes seemed to have altered in many ways. Will Thorpe had been sent West three years before. He had been an idler and extravagant; at last his fa- ...Wm i a i j i .1.1. ii jboy rather harshly, refused to asBlst pirn further unless he entered his Iron Ifoundry and settled down. Angry jwordB had arisen, and in the end Will ihad packed his suitcase and gone West with a hundred dollars in his Ipockets. His sweetheart, Marlon Vansittart, had scolded him for his decision. She ' had reminded him, petulantly, that she could neither marry a poor man nor jwalt for ever. He had kissed her and (told her that he would return with his fortune made. And for a few months Ishe had written. Then her letters be- came shorter and less frequent; finally they ceased altogether. , It was more than two years since Ihe had heard from her. And gradual ly the new life had woven Itself about him, and he had ceased to care. , Then he had received a mysterious, Rods Slowly Down the Valley. Unsigned message asking him to be at the railway depot at a certain hour, to imeot the train. And he had gone, to And Jim Tremont waiting there. Jim was passing through on his way to California, be told him, and he had beard he was In that part of the country. Did Will know that his ra ther was dead and he was the sole heir to five million dollars? He had better write home quickly, because ev- icryoue was searching for him, aud he lhad only heard of his address by chance. ; "I suppose you'll be back East In ,week, and holding out at the club Bald Jimmy casually, as he shook hands and said goodby. It was -that that made Will think 'he had really changed. How could he 'associate those elusive memories which he had almost forgotten with ithls life that had taken possession of him? He thought of Norma Gule, the Idaughter of the old homesteader down the valley. How was he to tell Iher? The girl, educated and refined ,as were all the people of the district, was utterly unpresentable in the sort Of society tn which he had moved. She had never worn a gown with low neck In her life. She would be ihelplesi among a crowd of people such as Marlon Vansittart! Tet It never occurred to Will that ihe could do anything but go. It had never entered bis mind that he was to stay permanently In the West A man on horseback was riding up to his cabtn. Will watched him as he approached. Visitors were something lot an event In the settlement, and jWlll knew the rider as the telegraphist in the cluster of bouses that had grown up around the depot and was called a city. "wire for you, Thorpe!- he an nounced briefly. Will took the message and opened It He stared at It as If be did not uu- derstand. It was from Marlon. She had learned his address, she said probably everyone could discover the address of millionaire and she w passing through on her way East from the San Francisco exposition. She iwould stay an hour while they changed engines. Would he meet her? ' "Thanks," said Will to the telegraph list, and watched him ride dowu the (bill. ' Yes, he was going East, and goln toack to Marlon. For a moment th old life came rushing over hlra, with its memories, Us thousand allure ments. , And the new life meant nutb log. I He mounted his horse and rode lowly down the valley. He had no -destination In mind, but luaaeniy ' illied that be was- approacUiua lu homesteader's house. And at the door stood Norma, in her sunbonnet She greeted him. "Won't you come In and take some tea?" she asked. I hear you are going East, Mr. Thorpe." He dismounted, and now he saw that her lips were trembling. How bad she known he was going East? Did news fly as fast In this settlement as in the great world? And what did it matter to her? "Yes, I am going East, Norma," he answered, taking her hands in his. 'I I congratulate you," she an swered quietly. But he saw the tears In her eyes. "You have meant so much to me," he said Impulsively. "I hate the thought of going. And yet it is my duty, I suppose." "Then you must go," said the girl softly. She was smiling very bravely at him. "Won't you come in?" No I can't now," he said crudely. 'Norma, I shall I shall Bee you again before I go." She nodded, and he knew the mean ing of her alienee. The girl cared for him, and In her unsophisticated way was incapable of concealment. He saw her walk back quickly Into the cabin. Marion's train was to arrive the fol lowing morning. Will rode down to the depot with a heavy heart. The old and the new were tugging at it, and he did not know which pulled him the harder. There were so many memories here yet the thought of Marion came to him like a flood of sunlight. How he had loved Marlon! She bad tacitly released him by her silence, and yet doubtless she would explain that. He would follow her soon. He saw the old life vividly, their marriage, the quiet home in Bos ton. ... The train was pulling In. He had stood on the platform In a sort of daze. Now he awakened suddenly, and he felt his heart beating hard in anticipation. The men about the plat form were watching him curiously. He looked Into the carriages of the train as It came to a halt. He walked Its length. Marlon was not there. Had she missed her train? "Still dreaming, Will?" asked a bard voice over his shoulder. He started round, to see Marlon, with a party of girl friends, dressed in the height of fashion, looking at bim with a smile. "Dear me, I must be very hard to find," she said. "Well! When are you coming home?" The hardness of her tones struck him like a blow. Surely he had changed out of all recognition if he had ever thought Marlon'B voice beau tiful. The girl whom he had loved to the point of infatuation stood re vealed to him as an' artificial, hard young woman, without the slightest charm. "I think It was very wrong of you not to write to me for so long," she continued. "Cut I forgive you, Will. We can forgive a man with millions auythtng, can't we, Dora?" The girl addressed as Dora mur mured something. The whole party was taken aback, not to say shocked, at the sight of this man In the cowboy clothes. And be was a millionaire! He was Will Thorpe of Harvard and Boston! Perhaps Mnrlon shrewdly dtvtncd the change that had occurred In him, tor she drew him aside. "Will, I know I ought to have been more serious," she Bald, "But you can't think how startling and ridicu lous you look, dressed like one of these natives. Listen, Will, and let me explain. I have always cared for you just as much, but I couldn't be engaged to a beggar. You Bee that for youself, don't you? And every body understood that your father was going to cut you out of his will, In stead of leaving you the sole heir. 1 am Just as fond of you, Will." Will Thorpe looked at her with slow ly rising anger. She did not realize what she was saying. Had he ever been like that? Was that the kind of mnn that he had been, that she so con fidently Imagined he was still? "So when are you coming home, Will?" sho continued. "When are you coming borne to me?" she added softly. The train conductor blew his whis tle. Will looked her full In the face. "Never!" be answered roughly. The party was moving toward the train. Will saw the look of amazed Indignation upon Marlon's face. He broke from her. He mounted the horse that was tethered to a post out side the depot. The train was start ing. Hut Will was riding for the mountain slopes, and bis "never" rang In his ears like the sound of a chanted chorus. He flung himself from his horse at the cabin door which hid at that mo ment all that life hold most precious for him. "Norma!" he shouted, hammering with his knuckles. He heard her footsteps; he saw her stand before blm; be caught her In his arms. "Norma! I have come home to you," he cried. Only Remedy for 8alftihness. What Is most pitiful and at the same time amusing about the people who give themselves up to selfishness Is their habit of referring the whole unlverso to themselvis. It Is as they were at the renter, with all Ufa radiating about them. Through their false sense of adjustment they find themselves continually subjected to disappointing and Irritating and dis piriting adventures. Attitude, re murks, behavior, perhaps not In the least related to themselves, they cause to assume an Imaginary relation. Thrlr feelings are likely to be In a continual slate of turmoil. They en courage It by persisting In the belief thut the trouble lies outside. And yet the remedy Is always waiting for them In their consciousness. To mnke life over they need only to make over themselves. Honors Were Even, A woman who had some knowledge of baseball took a friend to a Cham plmmhlp contest. "Isn't that fine?" said the first "We have a man on every base." "Why. yes," said tha trleud, ' aud su have tUuy." PORTRESS AND CHURCH WHEN the very capital cities of civilization lie in peril of warfare, not many folk will spare another thought for umant on tne Meuse; in deed, one of the least among cities, says a writer In Country Life. Yet one may believe that among the wan dering folk, the tourists, the idle trav elers, there must have been grief for Dinant when the ill news of its fate came In. Who that knows that little town between the limestone cliff and the water of the Meuse but will mourn that history should terribly repeat her self at Dinant? The warlike days of Dinant had long gone by. In her hour of pride she had been cast down. She lived humbly. You would have war ranted her that history should make no mci'o troubles for Dinant. Yet now her name is the last chapter as a city Bhnring the terrible fame which has come upon Louvain and Namur and Mallnes. Once again Dinant has ceased to be. It Vas in the year 1466 that the fates last meddled with Dinant. Then she was a bonne ville, rich and pros perous, a fief of the bishop of Liege. Sixty thousand hot-blooded, hard-working Walloons were within her armed walls. Brasswork was her craft; more than half her citizens plied that clanging trade. Read what the Sire Philippe de Commlnes wrote of Dinant: "A mighty strong town it was," said he, "and rich wlthall, by reason of Its traffic In those works of brass that men call dinanderle, which are pots and pans and the like : rat ters." He goes on to tell you how Dinant had quarreled with Bouvlgnes, her neighboring town on the other bank of the Meuse, carrying unnelgh borllness to the point of firing upon Bouvlgnes with two bombards and other pieces of artillery until they of Bouvlgnes were coneLained to work and eat their dinners in the cellars of their houses. The Sire de Commlnes tells you that you will hardly believe what hatred these two towns had for one another; they were, I think, twj of a trade; Bouvlgnes had its own brass-works. Dinant'i Former Destruction. When King Louis of France fled up the hill from the fluid of Montlhery, leaving Charles the Bold to claim a victory among those of his Burgun- dlana who had not fled on the other side, somebody brought false news to Dinant. Now Dinant hated the count of Charolais almost as much as it hated Bouvlgnes, a town which was held by Namur and was loyal to Bur gundy. Therefore, hearing of the count's death, It Beemed good to the rabble of Dinant that they should march gayly towards the wallB of Bou vlgnes, carrying with them the stuffed shape of a man. This dishonored pup pet had a cow-bell clinking at Its neck. It wore a cont of many colors. Houvtgnes, looking down from its wall. saw with horror the coat-armor of the heir of Burgundy, saw the Bhape tucked up to a gallows and shot full of arrows by the popinjay shooters of Dinant. But Charles Count of Charo lais was not dead. He was alive and vengeful when Bouvlgnes Bent him Its tidings. Dinant knew that Boon, and quaked. A humble letter beseech ing pardon was written out by two elders of the town. Another letter prayed King IauIb that for pity's sake and charity he would intorcede for them with his terrible cousin. No an swer came. In fear Dinant heard that Charles had struck out the name of Dinant from the list of rebel towns to whom he would give his peace. For nigh upon a year Dinant waited unpar doned. On an August day of 1466 the good Duke I'hlllppe was carried Into llouvignes on a litter. Old and feeble, he was to see from the cliff at Bou vlgnes the knlRhtly veugeance that his son would take upon these vile brass workers who bad hanged the stuffed Image of a count, Then came the count himself under What Memory Is. The correct way to Increase the pro ductivity of the memory Is to link ev ery new thing with an understood thought already In hand. Merely to memorize the Bible and thus to be able, parrotlike, to speak It "by heart" li not memory. Intellectually and emotionally to appreciate and under stand one psalm or proverb Is mem ory. To know where to put your fin ger on the right verse or passage of the Bible on your table Is practical and useful recollection. Dictionaries, directories, encyclopedias, Indexes and reference books do the mechanical part for you. Reason, association, adaptability and the perception of re lationships Is bolter than much Latin and more Creek, however beautiful and Instructive these tuny be In them selves. All the Difference She's Seen. "Huh," snld Cordelia Killjoy. "The chief difference between men and women that I've noticed Is that a man admits he has to learn what he knows and a woman says It's her 'Intuition that WlU Icf." Kansas City Star. a banner of St. George and the dragon, with knights of the Fleece, with the constable of France, with many lords of Brabant and Hainaut, with horse and foot and heavy artillery. The Dinant men, at bay behind their wall, raged at the sight of him; It had come to war at last, and they were Wal loons with arms In their hands. Di nant was sieged on all sides; the mas ter of the artillery brought his bomb ards up against the gates at full moon, scattering such shot from his small pieces that not a head might peep over the wall. The captain of the brassworkers' guild would have fought to the end, and his valiant smiths with him. But the magistrates were giv ing up the key, while the captain was carrying the city banner to the broken wall, and the Bastard of Burgundy came In and the court after him, mag nificent, pitiless, to sit in judgment upon Dinant. A few rich men ran somed themselves dearly. But there was much hanging and heading. At Bouvlgnes they will show you the cliff from which Dinant citizens, tied neck and heels, were dropped Into the Meuse. There was pillage from house to house; merchants from Brussels had come with carts to carry away brassworks and household goods bought cheap of the plunderers. Last ran the fire from end to end of the town. Dinant was "burned in such fashion," says Olivier de la Marche, "that it seemed as though it had been a ruin for a hundred years." For six years it lay In Its ashes, and then, little by little, the life came back to It, though never again came back the pride and the wealth. Its rock was crowned by a citadel, and the citadel brought It storm and trouble In the French wars. , But the town lived meekly In the sight of Bouvlgnes; it never pros pered. In July of 1914 it was Belling gingerbread to peasants, and post card pictures of its pretty old houses to the tourists from the Namur boat, showing strangers the way up the cliff by the 400 steps In the rock and serv ing dinners to holiday folk. In August, a fatal month for Dinant, the Ger mans came upon it with mightier bombards than thoBe toys with which Messlre Pierre de Hacquembac had made ready to blow In the gates. Dinant once again Is a ruin from end to end. Once again the chronicler may write "Cy fust Dinant." Even as Rachel mourned for her children and would not be comfort ed, because they were not, so may this forlorn Belgium mourn for her per ished cities. There was little here for the over curious antiquary. Those same archi tects who would call the church of Dinant notable among all Belgian churches had played here Industrious ly those perverse tricks that they name restoration. The new bridge was such a bridge as cunning engineers will throw you over any river of Europe. Not thus was the old bridge built that carried a castle upon Its arches. For the rest you had the lines of high-gabled houses whose wtndowB looked on the water. These, again, you will not compare with houses on the Graslel at Ghent, with the houses that line the quays of Bruges. Yet the loss of them is lamentable, Irreparable. We cannot rebuild antiquity, even though it be but the last antiquity, the latest hand's turn of work done before the world fell Into obedience of the ma chine and learned to rule Its straight lines exactly. Of Dinant you may at least say that was what the old-fash ioned landscape-man would frankly call " picturesque;" he must have railed It so many a time when he took his sketch book to the western bank and set to work upon It with a soft-leaded pencil A friendly little town It ws, one of the decayed nobility among the cities, yet affable and welcoming the stranger. When You Have Married a Wife. When you have married a wife, you would think you were got upon a hill top, and might begin to go down by an easy slope. But you have only end ed courting to begin marriage. Fall ing In love and winning love are often difficult tasks to overbearing and re bellious spirits; but to keep tn love Is also a business of some Importance, to which a man and wife must bring kindness and good will. Robert Louis Stevenson. Protected Against Rogues, it is aimeuii in uermany ror a pro fessional rogue to enter a family as a aomesuc servant, mere every serv ant has a character book, In which the mistress must enter tho dates of the coming aud leaving of the servant, with her character whllo In service This the girl is obliged to take to the nearest polleo station and have dated with the official stamp. Greatest 8heep-Breedlng Countries. Between them, Australia and Argen tina pasture one-third of the world ! bitoiy. PERMISSION TO SEE TROOPS Admiralty Clerk Cheerfully Gave Up His Window to Gentleman With Numerous Relatives. An Ingenuous clerk In the British admiralty was asked by a gentleman with whom he had a slight acquaint ance whether he might come to his room to see a review of the troops. "Certainly," replied the clerk. "May I bring my wife?" "Yes." "I have two daughters; may they come?" "By all means." A second time the gentleman called to ask whether a few nieces might be added to the band. To this the clerk cheerfully as sented. "We cannot be sufficiently grateful to you," said the gentleman, "for en abling us to have so good a view of the review." "I am afraid," answered the clerk, "that you and your family will not see very much of It, for my ,'oom looks out into a back yard." Letting the Bars Down. "Shall I say 'the smart set is,' or 'the smart set are'?" queried the cub reporter. "Say what you like," growled the editor. "Whenever I have anything to sny about, the smart set I throw my grammar at the office cat." Soft Drinks Barred. Three crows sat on the limb of a tree, and they were as dry as crows could be. Said one old crow: "I really think we'll surely die with naught to drink." Said another crow: "I can't see why for there a crowbar stands near by." RIGHT THERE. "Her husband was run over." "Now that he is gone, 1 presume sht realizes his full value." "She does. And she won't compro mise for a cent less." Natural Sequence. Mrs. Caller I suppose you have a speaking acquaintance with the wom an next ooor. Mrs. Neighbors I did have for a week after Bhe moved In, but we are so well acquainted now that we don't speak at all. Information Wanted. Little Lemuel Say, paw, has the world a tail? Paw Certainly not, son. Little Lemuel Then why do peo ple Bay: "So v ags the world. If It has no tail to wag? A Home Deceiver. "Mrs. Smith, your husband was seen In a bucket shop this morning." 'Well, I didn't think John would re member. I told him when he went off that we needed some new ones in the kitchen." No Room for Argument. "It looks like rain this morning." said the milkman, while serving a cus tomer. "Yes," answered the woman as she clanced Into the pitcher, "it sure does." No Obligation. "Whatever I have accomplished," said the pompous man, "I owe to my self." "How delightful It must be," mur mured a weary listener, "to be so clear of debt." As Suggested. Mr. Wouldbe Miss Knox er Clara I hardly know how to express my self, but er Miss Knox (Interrupting) Well, ow ing a lightweight, you might travel by parcel post. Not for Her. "Now this horse Is In the prime of condition. Just the thing for a lady to drive; only three years old" "Three years old? Oh, that wll never do. I must have a 1915 model." In Other Words. The One They tell me you are legislative lobbyUt. How about It? The Other You have been mlsln formed. I sm engaged In conducting a state-wide campaign of education. The Particular Age. Patience They've got a new cook, Patrice So I hear "Is she up to date?" "Why. yes; I believe she was ster ilized when they got her." Good Reason. "I.es me kiss you?" asked the man "No," snld the sweet young thing "Why not? No one will ever know It." "Well, I don't want to be kissed It I'm not going to know It." Yes. Which? Bill I snw Olll today Jill What was he doing? "Looking for a diamond " "Going to start a baseball club or contemplating matrimony?" 'Nother Definition. Mttle Lemuel What's an egotist. paw? Paw An egotist, son. is a penny box of matches that thinks It la the vhola fireworks. SKYSCRAPER DREAM Savoy Architect Had It Over 300 Years Ago. Planned Building 361 Feet In Height, But It Remained for America to Realize His Vision. . For many years foreigners have re garded the "skyscraper" as something typical and es sentially Ameri can. Now a con tributor to L'll lustration s h a t ters the illusion; he points out that as far back as its origin goes, anyway the sky scraper is not American at all. The first one was planned over three centuries ago in a small town of Savoy. In the year 1601, Jacques Ferret, an architect liv ing in Chambrey, designed a build ing that, although it was never erect ed, may properly claim to be the an cestor of the modern skyscraper. What a visionary dreamer must have been the architect who 300 years ago planned an 11-story building 361 feet tn height almost half as tall as the Woolworth building in New York. According to Ferret's measurements, tho building was to have been 166 feet long and 140 feet broad. And the walls were to have been over 12 feet thick! But in 1601 the meth ods of building construction were by no means so modern as Perret's plans; twelve-foot walls were none too thick to support 11 stories. Here, again, however, the ingenuity of the archi tect showed itself, for he found a way of making use of the walls without weakening their strength. in tne thickness of the walls," he wrote, are little stairways, cabinets and cup boards, from tho bottom floor to the top floor; thus there is no space wasted." Evidently the building was designed for a dwelling perhaps an apartment house, for In describing his project, Perret wrote: "This great and excel lent edifice can accommodate comfort able 600 people." Considering the date of the design, the project of Jacques Perret was in many ways a remarkably prophetic vision. In ornateness of detail and in fanciful exaggeration the building sug gests the sixteenth century, but In Its general lines it represents a much later period In architecture. Like the most modern skyscrapers of New York, It has a tower above the main building. And when he designed the terraced roof, did Jacques Perret dream of a roof garden? Strength of Cast Iron. In a paper recently read before the Society of Chemical Industry the state ment was made that the strength ot cast Iron was affected by the addition of wrought Iron in the following pro portions: With 100 parts of cast Iron 10 parts of wrought Iron Increases the strength 2 per cent; 20 parts of wrought Iron Increases the strength 32 per cent; 30 parts of wrought iron increases the strength 60 per cent; 40 parts of wrought iron increases the strength but 33 per cent. The maxi mum result Is therefore produced with 30 per cent wrought scrap. Stainless Steel. A Sheffeld steel firm has recently evolved a new and novel product which Is called stainless steel, which, when brought to a bright polished fin ish, is proof against rust, stain or tar nish. The first articles which have been made from this steel are cutlery, and after a prolonged use this has re tained Its original finish. Although specimens were subjected to a par ticularly severe test on fruits of varl ous kinds known quickly to stain ordi nary steel, there were no marks of any kind upon the surface of the cutlery, A Larger Modnl. 'I advertised for a perfect 36," said the cloak manufacturer not unkindly. "Weil?" snapped the more than bux om applicant "You got things Just reversed. You appear to be a perfect 63." Days of Real Sport. Teacher The centaurs were crea tures with the head and arms ot man and the body ot a horse. Billy (the Ty Cobb of his team) Deo! What a combination for battiu' and baw runnlu'i The Difference. "The man they threw out of the place was not like a burning house. "How so?" "He was full of fire after he wai put out." Quite Another Matter. "Is Mrs. Oldboy In mourulng for h, husband?" "No " "Then who's she In black for?" "She's In black for him " The Handicap. "The police will soon catch the an sconding defaulter." "How do you know?" "Because he has no money for run ning expenses." Their Use. "Don't you think they ought to pass blanket bills for paving?" "What makes you think that?" "They would come in handy for the ed of the streets " His Role. "I suppose since toe Daby came, your husband is no longer the hero of your domestic drama?" "Oh. no; he Is merely the walking fentleinaa. Valuable Farm Land. It Is said that In some localities In Japan farm land sella tor $10,000 an sera, pram HE WAS SWEET-LOOKING COP Humble Maid Servant Expresses Ad miration for General Wood, Chief of Staff cf the Army. Gen. Leonard Wood, chief of staff of the United States army, has had many expressions of admiration voiced as to his personal appearance. It re mained, however, for a humble maid servant to apotheosize his looks. A young girl who, knowing the general, worships him as her hero always keeps a photograph of him in uniform on her dressing table. One day, entering her bedroom suddenly, she chanced upon her newly acquired maid, who stood agape, with gleaming eyes, holding the photograph in her hand. Startled into speech, the servant asked: "What's he, miss?" "He's an officer, Norah." The young mistress deemed that answer suffi cient. "Gee, miss," was the breathless com ment as the maid put down the pic ture Hngerlngly; "but ain't he the swcet-lookin' cop!" Neale's Monthly. SHE ATTRACTED THE COPPERS. Mrs. Oldwed Why did you pick out such a pretty cook? Mrs. Newwed My husband is away a great deal, and I wanted to have police protection. Convincing Proof. "How can you tell whether a man has been married only a short while, or long enough to get used to it?" 'You can tell that very easily by ob serving how he says, 'I have a wife to provide for.' " 'Yes?" "If he says it proudly, he hasn't ' been married long, but if he says it with an air of deep dejection you maj be sure that the Iron has entered hit soul." Doubtful, "How would you like to be a wound ed French soldier from the trenches, convalescing in a luxurious Paris ho tel, which had been converted Into a military hospital, and with a beautiful nurse to wait on you who was prob ably a nobleman's daughter?" "No doubt that would be fine, but I don't believe I would enjoy heaven much If I had to go through hell to get there." Getting Serious. Mr. Newpop (2 a. m. at the phone) Hello, doctor! Can you come down and see the baby right away? Doctor What seems to be the trou ble? Mr. Newpop I I'm not quite sure, but I think he has insomnia. Her View. Patience I read In a paper today that 90 per cent of the stenographers are women. Patrice Of course; trying to blame all the bad spelling on the poot women. No Man. Patience And you say she is In clined to be exclusive? Patrice I should say so! Why, I) Is said she sometimes sits L. the par lor all alone with the gas turned down low.- Deserved Punishment "Did you ever have a desire to gc ' on the stage?" asked the man whe had a minor part In the show. "Oh, yes," replied his neighbor "The first time I ever saw you try to act I did." Used to Growling. Mrs. Myles What has become of that nurse you used to have tor youi pet dog? Mrs. Styles Oh, she's married. : "She ought to get along all right She's used to growling." Seemed So. Bacon I see the human family I subject to about twelve hundred dif ferent kinds of disease and ailments Egbert Well that can't be right, fot my wife has over twelve hundred ailments alona. A Scarecrow. Bill I see a woman who conducti a farm near Los Angeles wears male clothing when at work. Jill That possibly saves the trouble ot putting up a scarecrow.