FABLESgL
in GtOROE
SLANG
The New Fable of the Juvenile Who
etudled Mankind and Laid Hie
Plane Accordingly.
Once thore was a Kid who wore a
Uniform that fit him too Soon and a
Cap on one Ear, III Job was to an
ewer the Buzzer and take Orders
from any one who could dhow 25
Cents.
In the Morning he might be acting
Pack-Pony for some Old Lady on a
Shopping Spree and In the Afternoon
he would be delivering a Ton of
Coal.
He had boon waved aside by Butlers
and ordered about by Blonde Stenog
raphers and Joshed by Traveling Sales
men until his Child-Nature was as
hard and flinty as that of the She
Purser In a swell Tavern who lately
has cashed one that proved to be
Phoney.
In answering the Cnll of Duty he
bad gone to the Dressing Room and
taken a private Fash at the Maga
rlne Beauty before she began to at
tach the Hair or spread the Enamel.
He had stood In the private Lair of
the Sure-Thlngers when they were
cooking up some new Method of col
lecting much income without moving
out of their Chairs.
He had stood by while Husbands,
with the Scotch standing high in the
Gaguo, collaborated on the Llo which
was to pacify little Katlsha, waiting In
the Flat.
Before delivering this Masterpiece
of Fiction he would have to do a lit
tle Sherlocklng and finally locate
Katisha In one of those places where
they serve It In Tea-Cups.
In the Homes of the Rich and Great
where he delivered OrchldB and Invi
tations and perfumed Regrets he
would overhear Candid Expressions
which Indicated that every Social
ll'fl
7 KmJ-pR?
it i .vf...
With a Comrade In Misery.
Leader was trying to slip Knock-Out
Drops Into somebody else's Claret
Cup.
Around the Haunts of Business he
would stand on one Foot while the
Bobs Carefully worded the Message
which was to read like a Contract
while leaving a Loop-Hole about the
size of the Hudson Tunnel.
Ono night the Kid was returning
homeward with a Comrade In Misery
As the Trolley carried them toward
that portion of ,the City where Chil
dren are still In Vogue, they fell to
talking of the Future and what it
might have in Store for a Bright Boy
who could keep on the Trot all day
and sustain himself by eating Cocoa-
Nut PIo.
The Comrade hoped to be a Vaude
ville Actor, but the Kid Bald, after
some Meditation: "During tho paBt
Two Years 1 have mingled in all
Grades of Society, and I have decided
to round out my Career by being a
Deep-Sea Diver."
MORAL A little learning is a
dangerous thing and a good deal of It
Is Suffocating.
The New Fable of the Cousin Who Be
came Cognizant of Our Short
comings. On the deck of a Tans-Atlantlc
Skiff a certain Old Traveler, who
owed allegiance to George and Mary,
reclined on his Cervical Vertebrae
with a Plaid Shawl around him and
roasted Our Native Land.
Ho told thoAmerlcan In the next
Steamer Chair that he had been un
able to get his Tea at the usual Hour
and out In that place called Minnie
Apples the stupid Walter never had
heard of Bloaters for Breakfast
Furthermore, he had not seen his
Hoots again after placing them out-
Bide the Door In Chicago.
The Houses were overheated and
the Railway Carriages were not like
those at Home and the Reporters were
Forward Chaps and Ice should not bo
added with the' Soda, because It was
not being Done.
He was glad to escape from the
Wretched Hole and get back to his
own Lodgings, where he could go into
Cold Storage and have a joint or Mut.
ton an Brussele fcprouts as often as
desired.
ill
111 I-" it
The Yankee cringed under the At
tack and then fully agreed with tho
Son of ambitious Albion. He said wo
were a new and crude People who did
not know bow to wear Evening Clothes
or eat Stilton Cheese and our Politi
cians vere corrupt and Murderers
went unpunished, while the Averago
Citizen was a dyspeptic Skate afflict
ed with Moral Strabismus,
Then he retired to his State Room to
weep over the Situation and the Brit
ish Subject said: "The American Is a
Poltroon, for he will not defend his
own Hearth and Fireside."
A Cook's Tourist from Emporia,
Kansas, dropped Into the Vacant
Chair. When the Delegate from The
Rookery, Wormwood Scrubs, Isllng, S.
E., resumed his Bcorchlng Arraign
ment of the U. S. A., he got an aw
ful RiBe out of the Boy from the Cora
Belt.
The Emporia Man said there were
more Bath Tubs to the Square Mile
out In his Burg than you could find in
the West End of London and more
Paupers and Beggars in one Square
Mile of the East End of London than
you could find In the whole State of
Kansas. He said there were fewer
Murders in England because Good Op
portunities were being overlooked.
He eald be could Tip any one In
England except, possibly, the Arch
bishop of Canterbury.
It was his unbiased Opinion that
London consisted of a vast Swarm of
melancholy Members of the Middle
and Lower Classes of the Animal
Kingdom who ate Sponge Cake with
Seeds In It, drank Tea, Smoked Pipes
and rode on Busses, and thought they
were Living.
Standing beneath the rippling folds
of Old Glory the proud Citizen of the
Great Republic declared that we could
wallop Great Britain In any Game
from Polo up to Prize-Fightlng and
if we cut down on the Food Supplies
the whole blamed Runt of an under
sized Island would starve to death In
a Week.
With quivering Nostrils, he heaped
Scorn and Contumely upon any Race
that would call a Pie a Tart. In con
clusion he expressed Pity for those
who never tasted Corn on the Cob.
After he had gone up to the Bridge
Dock to play Shuffle-Board, the Rep-
resentatlve of the Tightest little Island
on the Map took out his Note-Book and
made the following entry. "Every
Beeear living In the States Is a
Bounder and a Braggart."
That evening in the Smoke Room he
began to pull his favorite Specialty of
ragging the Yanks on a New Yorker,
who Interrupted him by saying: "Real
ly I know nothing about my own Coun
try. I spend the Winter in Egypt, the
Spring In London, the Summer in
Carlsbad, and the Autumn In Paree."
So the Traveler afterward reported
to a Learned Society that the 'lypicai
American had become a denatured Ex
patriate.
MORAL No Chance.
The New Fable of the Two Brothers,
The Even Start and the Con
trasting Termini.
In a Flag Station the Job of Tele
graph Operator Is about the Limit
of Earthly Ambition.
Therefore two Boys living in a
weedy Hamlet began to hang around
the Depot aud learn the Morse Alpha
bet. In due time each became a regular
Railroad Man with Calico Sleeves and
a Tooth-Brush In his upper Vest
Pocket.
They were transferred to the Junc
tion and began to have dealings with
the Old Man himself and cuss when
No. 6 balled up the Schedule.
Being quick on the Trigger and
good at sizing up Men, they got Into
the Operating Department and each.
had a Card-Caae full of Annuals.
One accepted an Offer to go up into
Canada and crack the Whip over a
Line being projected by British Capi
talists who were too well-bred to get
out In their Old Clothes and prod tho
Help.
The other remained in the Land of
his Birth to push an Extension Into
the Northwest.
Each delivered the Goods In his
own Bailiwick spanning the turbu
lent Streams, filling the deep Hollows,
boring through the Hills and bring
ing a new Empire out of the lone
some Wilderness.
When tho Gauk who had been trans
formed Into a Canuck cleaned up on
the big Assignment, the Directors
gave him a Dinner and the King sent
for him to come up to the House
nnd kneel on one Knee and be dubbed
the Enrl of Saskatchewan.
The Brother wanted to attend the
ceremony, but he had to send his Re
grets as he was In Jail at the time.
Moral: Only a few receive Title
but many are Indicted.
Floorwalkers.
Bacon I see a reasonably active
man walks about 297,200 miles In 4
years, Just walking about his house
and place of business.
Egbert Of course, that doesn't In
clude men who hare had to care tor
restless children at night.
THOSE "MOVIES" AGAIN
BEING THE 8TORY OF HOW
TALE ANGERED A MAN.
Began Well, and Really Got Quite In
teresting, but the Ending Made
Him Resolve to Read the Last
First In Future. ,
You pick up something to read In
the train and you come across a story
something like this:
"Are you a brave man?"
"Smith stared and looked at the
speaker, who was cloarly a French
man. We suy "clearly a Frenchman,"
because he shrugged his shoulders
ten or fifteen times a minute, and If
that Isn't clear enough for a short
story writer, nothing Is.
Smith being Btrnnded In Paris, the
question interested him, as there
might be a franc or two In sight.
"Am I brave?" repeated Smith.
"Well, I'm moderately brave at five
francs, and for twenty I'm as brave as
a lion."
"Good," said the stranger. "Twenty
francs for you. And le boxe can you
use your flstB?"
"Surest thing you know," said
Smith. "I used to box with Jef
fries." "You must ask no questions. Just
go Into a house I shall point out to
you. Defend yourself If attacked."
By that time you are becoming In
terested. Here, you think, is a story
of the old-fashioned romantic kind.
Good. Nothing about eugenics, suf
frage, psychology. All mystery, fight
ing, adventure love, probably.
"Righto," says Smith, "give me the
20 francs and Bhow me the houBe."
The mysterious stranger leads Smith
to a gloomy houBe, which, of course,
has "something Blnlster about it."
"Winter. Fight If you are attacked.
Be brave."
"Smith enters the dark hallway.
Souiffls of barbaric music are heard
from behind hangings of oriental
splendor. (Getting exciting now. It's
about this point that you become In
terested bo that you ride past your
station).
Pushing aside these hangings of
oriental splendor, Smith walks boldly
into a big hall. A sultan of oriental
ferocity is on a throne, a sultana of
oriental beauty by his side. Dancing
girls of oriental freedom are before
him. Black slaves (probably "gigantic
Nubians") stand behind him. The sul
tana throws Smith a bulbul blossom.
"Off with the Giaour's head" rears the
sultan. Smith clinches with the gi
gantic Nubians. Some scrap! Whir
roo! Of course, "after a gallant fight,"
Smith Is borne under and the scimi
tar Is about to disconnect his head
from the rest of his system, when the
mysterious Frenchman enters and
says:
"Some film, boys, some film."
It was all in the movies, you see.
You throw the periodical out of tho
window; possibly you curse. You get
out at Losthurst, take the village cab
and resolve never to look at a Btory
again until you have glanced at the
finish nnd make Bure you won't be
faked.
Woman Soon to Be Bald.
The future Eve will be bald. So
sayB Dr. Broig in the Bulletins Medical
of Berlin.
"In the 30 years of my practice,"
says Dr. Broig, "I can say as a result
of close observation that the physique
of, the new generation of women is
slowly but surely undergoing a change
The breast is sinking in," the shoulders
becoming more stooped, cold feet are
becoming a normal manifestation, the
hands are showing tendency toward a
violet or purplish color, the face Is
becoming smaller, deep wrinkles In
the forehead more frequent, and the
digestion getting worse. And that is
not all; bloodlessness is affecting the
face and skull. The elasticity of the
pores is decreasing, and the nose is
developing more and more.
"This decrease of vitality Is affect
ing the scalp. Women today are
losina hair as never before. Woman
are marching rapidly toward bald
ness."
Gold Mine Under HI Feet.
George Sharp, a miner of Pedro
Creek, Alaska, jived over a fortune
over nine years before he knew that
the fortune existed.
Sharp, when he first came to the
Fairbanks district, located a claim on
the right limit of Pedro creek, opposite
No. 2, and prospected for geld on the
claim at different times ever elnce.
He spent most of his time search
ing for the yellow stuff on his other
holdings, apparently neglectful of the
possibilities right under the floor of
his cabin. A few weeks ago Sharp
sank a shaft near his cabin, got some
prospects and then tunneled on bed
rock for ten feet or so.
He encountered coarse gold, some
fair-sized nuggets being Included In
the dust obtained after sluicing a small
dump.
Applied to the Wrong Man.
Two lawyers representing much the
same Interests In the Claflin suit are
bitter enemies, and this threatening
to make needless bother for all con
cerned, Judge Morgan J. O'Brien was
requested to use his good offices to
effect peace.
"Sorry," said the Judge, "but 1
guess you have made a mistake. Who
ever heard of a man named O'Brien
Interfering to stop a fight?" New
York Tribune,
BUILDING WIRE FENCE
EXCELLENT SUBSTITUTE FOUND
FOR RAIL8 AND BOARDS.
Not Expensive When One Consider
Lasting Qualltlea of Good Heavy
Galvanized Wire and Inde
structible Cement Pott.
(By P. K. EDWARDS, Copyright, 1KH.'J
Pigs and the board fence wore the
the bane of our existence as boys, for
no matter how securoly we fastened
the old boards the ptge would get out
Just when we were starting for the
swimming hole or going berrying.
Now concrete posts and wire fencing
have become substitutes -for the
boards and rails and once set up are
fortunatoly there to stay.
"But wire fencing Is so expensive!"
the reader will say. The reply to that
1b, "If you do not consider the lasting
qualities of good heavy galvanized
wire and the Indostructlblllty of ce
ment posts." The writer remembers
putting a fifty-five Inch woven wire
fence around his garden some nine
teen years ago, using chestnut posts
set twenty feet apart. This fence Is
still standing and Is to all appearances
in excellent condition. Regarding the
spacing of the posts around this gar
den, which bordered the highway and
required 400 feet of fencing, if we
had used a board fence with eight
foot post Bracing, thirty more posts
would have been required, and as
these cost even In those days IS cents
each, a eavlng of J1.50 was effected.
In this particular case the posts be
ing of chestnut (eight feet long) the
butts were painted with a creosote
preparation and set three feet In the
ground.
In using cement post9, which are
easily made at home, be sure to have
the butts of tho corner and end posts
extra heavy and then no anchors are
needed; also provide for two bolt
holes in each post, one near the top,
the other near the bottom, to be used
for the bolts which hold the wooden
strip to which the wire is stapled.
In setting some 800 feet of poultry
fencing this past year the writer used
modern heavy woven wire, with six
foot cement posts set three feet in
the ground. To these short posts
were bolted five-foot wooden strips
three by four Inches, to which the
Brace for Corner Post,
wire was stapled. Many of the ce
ment posts In this case had to have
extra large butts on account of the
hollows in the ground, which had a
tendency to pull up the posts.
During this time of the year, when
the ground Is very dry it Is sometimes
very troublesome while building wire
fence to keep the post from turning
at the corners. Anchor the corner
post about four feet, then dig a trench
the same depth toward the second
post, nail a two by four scantling to
the corner post at the bottom, have
the Bcantling about four or five feet In
length, now attach a two by four three
feet in length to the scantling, tamp
the dirt over this securely and the
post will never slip or turn If properly
braced at the top. To properly brace
the post at the top the brace should
be fitted In the post two and one-half
feet from the bottom and top, this
brace should be ot good material with
a cross brace of wire as shown In the
Illustration.
GROUND GRAIN FOR FEEDING
Oat Grain Should Be Crushed and the
Ear Corn Ground Into Coarse
Meal for Horses and Cows.
A popular grain feed for cows ana
horses is provender corn and oats
ground together. Corn on the cob and
oats for cows is fully as good
shelled corn and oats, and the labor of
shelling is saved. Probably the finer
they are ground the more completely
they will be digested, but there is a
point of fineness beyond which the
cost of reduction will be greater than
the gain secured. Just when thlsipoint
was reached would depend upon so
many things, the price of the grains,
the cost of grinding and the value of
the dairy product, that no definite
statement can be made. But this
much may be said, the oat grains
should be crushed so as to expose the
kernels to the action of the digestive
juices, and the ear corn should be
ground into a coarse meal.
Experience Eseentlat.
No farmer who has not tried It
BhoulJ engage in the cattle-feeding
business on a large scale at the start.
He Will find, and generally at pretty
high cost, that experience and good
judgment are needed as much as corn
to lay the fat on a bunch of steers at
a profit
Time for Thinning Apples.
Wben thinning apples thinning
. p
should be done when the little apples plied with milk and butter. A few
are about one inch In diameter. Do pounds of butter a week or a few nun
not leave any apples nearer together ! ired pounds of butter fat per month
than four inches. would mean more cash in the noma.
USEFUL TOOL AROUND DAIRY
Plug or 8topper Removed From Milk
Cant Without Tugging or Ham
mering aa Done Hitherto.
A very handy tool to have around
where there are milk cans to be opened
Is shown by the accompanying Illus
tration, says Popular Electricity.
This consists of a steel ring A, and a
bar B, which Is drawn to an edge like
a chisel, thesa two pieces being held
together by a pin C.
To remove the plug the ring is
placed over the top of the can with
Handy Dairy Tool.
the edge of the bar against the plug and
the top of the can as shown, when by
pressing down In the direction of the
arrow the plug Is pried out of the can.
This Is much superior to the method
often applied of knocking the plug with
a hammer or tugging at It, for the plug
is removed with very little effort.
CULTURE OF ALFALFA CROP
Success Reported Upon Soils of Great
Diversity Should Be Encourage
ment to Make a Trial.
The matter of alfalfa growing IS
now of widespread interest, and the
Buccess which is reported upon soils
of great diversity Bhould be an en
couragement to make a trial, If only
upon a small plot in order to experi
ment for future benefit. If good stands
can be secured it means everything to
the middle and eastern sections of the
United States. Stock fed upon It keep
in prime condition and need little or
no grain. Also it is a permanent crop
when yearly fertilized In the above
named sections. We know of in
stances in California and New Mex
ico, where the Bame fields of alfalfa
have been used for several genera
tions, says a writer in an exchange.
In the matter of fertilization, we
must remember that alfalfa draws Its
own nitrogen from the air, which It
stores In nodules along its roots, but
it is a heavy potash feeder. Chemical
analysis has shown that nearly as
much potash is required in its produc
tion as nitrogen, and nearly four times
as much potash as phosphoric acid.
This fact bears some relation possibly
to the matter of luxuriant growth In
the far West and Southwest, where
the soils are rich in potash in avail
able form. We have not these con
ditions, but frequent experiments in
many sections have given very satis
factory results with commercial fer
tilizers. Some lands require a heavier appli
cation of minerals than others. The
Indiana experiment station in circular
No. 34 "How to Grow Alfalfa" rec
ommends 300 to 400 pounds per acre
of a fertilizer containing 8 to 10 per
cent of each, phosphoric acid and
potash. They also advise inoculation
and liming.
VALUE OF THE GARDEN CROP
By Careful Cultivation Farmer Can
Make Acre Pay More Money Than
Anything Else on Farm.
(By J. W. LLOYD.)
No longer do the farmers of the bet
ter class content themselves with rais
ing a few rows of potatoes, calling
that their garden. It is not necessary
longer for the busy farmer's wife to
look after these neglected corn and
potato Bpots for the farmer has come
to understand that there is good
money In them.
Time was when the farmer con
tented himself with raising grain
crops, considering it beneath his dig
nity to spend time on the garden. If
there was a garden on the place it
was usually left to his wife and chil
dren to pull the weeds and to do any
other work that was actually required.
Now, the farmer himself, with a
work horse and modern garden ma
chinery, can do more work in an hour
than his, wife could do In a week, and
do it better. By carerul cultivation he
can make his half acre of garden
pay mere cash money than any other
acre on the farm.
The high cost of livhig has also
roused the Inhabitants cf the small
towns and those who lirt in the sub
urbs of the cities make v.se of every
foot of ground possible to produce
vegetables to piece out the table sup
plies and as first aid to their pocket
books. More Cows Needed.
More cows are needed on our farms.
No animals are better for soil improve
ment and the conservation of human
food than cows. More cows should be
kept and more homes abundantly sup-
I Fundamental
Principles of
I HealthH I
$
5 r -a V
! v
5
t V
5 v
t By ALBERT S. GRAY, M. D. J
?! it
(Copyright, 1914, by A S. Grey)
THE SHOE.
Napoleon, probably the greatest mil
itary authority the world hag pro
luced, Is quoted as stating that "An
army travels on its belly," but mod
ern military authorities have discov
ered that an army needs feet fully as
much as food to be an efficient fight
ing machine.
The records show that over 30,000
Serman soldiers were incapacitated
for duty during the first few weeks of
the Franco-Prussian war on account
of injuries to the feet; and excoria
tions of the feet figure as the cause of
ane-thlrd of all exemptions from active
service among young French soldiers
luring campaign.
Under date of February 6, 1914, the
jcting surgeon general, war depart
ment, Washington, D. C, writes as fol
lows: "Many examples might here be cited,
but the following instance which oc
curred In the experience of the shoe
board is sufficiently typical.
"In 1908, a battalion of United States
Infantry took a practise march in
shoes which the men had themselves
selected, It marched eight miles, went
into camp for 24 hours, and then re
turned by the same route to the post.
The members of the board examlr.ed
the feet of all the men of the bat
talion at the end of the first day and
oa their return. On the first day 30
per cent, and on the last day 38 per
cent of the command were found to
have severe foot Injuries, some re
quiring hospital treatment."
The shoe board above referred to,
was a board of officers of the United
States army detailed tj locate the
source of and remedy for foot trou
bles, which have been the bane of all
armies since shoes have been worn.
The army board went at the problem
with a thoroughness never before prac
tised in any country by the military
authorities. The feet of thousands of
men were measured, photographed,
and X-ray pictures of the bones were
taken, in all sorts of positions and
under all kinds of conditions. And
after four years of such thorough in
vestigation the board has reported its
remedy a perfect fitting shoe. Sure
ly, a simple and fundamental solution
correct the cause and there can be
no trouble.
Secretary of War Stimson accept
ed the report, and so important lo
the military authorities regard this
matter that the shoe recommended is
the only type which officers and en
listed men are permitted to wear with
their uniforms.
More than 75 per cent of the people
have trouble with their feet. "Their
Bhoes don't hurt them, It's their feet"
this being one of those peculiar in
tellectual quibbles we are all guilty of
when forced to admit a stupid stand
point The shoe Is shrouded In all the prej
udice, the tradition and the mist of
wtlquity, and is therefore a subject
on which the majority are exceedingly
opinionated and touchy. The very
high heel was invented by the an
cients. They distinguished their ac
tors who represented gods and heroes
by making them wear shoes with very
high heels and thick soles. Of course,
the women of short stature were not
long in grasping the Idea, and It quick
ly became fashionable.
Pound for pound of normal body
weight, the Anglo-Saxon woman hasi
approximately the same size and
shaped foot as the man, and it is a
long and narrow foot; but you never
would suspect it from the foot prints
made by the two walking side by side
shod in the conventional shoes of the
two sexes. We know something from
Dur recorded army experience of what
even an approximately correct shoe
will do to strong, well-trained men.
What is happening to millions of
american men and women as the re
sult of Incorrect shoeing staggers one's
Imaginative powers to try to compre
hend.
In all industrial establishments the
records show a steadily increasing per
centage of accidents hour after hour
until the noon rest. Then, beginning
Bome below the noon maximum, the
afternoon record advances progressive
ly to the maximum for the day. Obvi
ously lack of alertness due to exhaus
tion is responsible for this phenome
non. How much longer will thesa
blood sacrifices be made to the god of
fashion and convention? This is a
condition not to be reached by legis
lation however wise, nor by safeguards
however numerous It can only be
reached by Individual Intelligence and
alertness, by education.
This is an age of Industrial war.
Nations are but a collection of Indi
viduals, and each Individual is or
should be an asset By the certain
action of the law of the survival of
the fit only that nation most wisely
developing Its resources can survive.
This being true, the subject of cor
rectly fitted shoes becomes of para--.
mount Importance to any people who
hope to win In the coming struggle
tor Industrial supremacy.